- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Dear Wendy Jones, the thing about my new home, London, in the country of England, in the Kingdom of the United, is that it has space for many kinds of women.
00:25You could be a woman with a secret you keep as locked away as your heart.
00:30You could be a strong-willed police sergeant who uses her trauma to solve grisly crimes.
00:38Come on up, Ned. Your tea will be nice and hot, but the bodies must be getting cold.
00:45A turpence for a game of nog-nog. Gentlemen, I've got the moistest hot cross buns in London town.
00:53You could be a sex worker with a heart of gold who's murdered simply for trying to survive.
01:00Or you could be a carefree party girl with her whole life ahead of her.
01:07But I am none of these women.
01:18No, I'm just a woman who stares at you online, Wendy Jones.
01:23Shall we look at Wendy's Instagram?
01:25All day and all night.
01:37Hey, baby, can you come here for a second?
01:39Oh, fuck! Oh, my God!
01:45Oh, my God!
01:47Where are you going?
01:48Oh, my God!
01:52Oh, my God!
01:54Oh, my God! Stupid!
01:56Oh, my God! This is bullshit!
01:58Oh, fuck!
02:00You don't have to wait to see if I get inside safe. I'm very not drunk. I've had, like, one alcohol.
02:14Uh-huh.
02:16Go ahead. Get out of here.
02:21I just wanted to say hi. Hello. Just tapping by. I mean, I have the key, so...
02:25Here I come. I'm just coming to get some... Maybe I'll... Something here.
02:31Fuck!
02:35I'm not the kind of girl you change the locks on!
02:39I'm not the kind of girl you change the locks on, fucker, bitch, whore!
02:44I'm going back for my girl. Let's go.
02:48You're such a dick. Here I go. Okay.
02:56...It's much better...
03:01Home invasion!
03:26Home invasion!
03:29Jess?
03:30Hi, how are you?
03:31What the fuck?
03:32Wendy, Wendy, baby, wake up.
03:36And there you were, Wendy Jones.
03:39Brooklyn was yours now, and so was the love of my life.
03:43Jessica?
03:44Yeah, it sure is as hell as me.
03:47I'm Jessica, hi.
03:48Wow, this is really surreal.
03:50Oh, is it so surreal?
03:51Jessica, what the fuck are you doing here?
03:53Hi, fucker!
03:55How about that?
03:55Girl, are you good?
03:57No, I'm actually not, and guess what?
03:59You're a fucking bitch.
04:00Wow, so you just woke me up and called me a bitch?
04:02Okay.
04:03Jessica, I've dealt with this before, all right?
04:06I want to hold space for how you're feeling, and I understand that things might not be perfect
04:12right now for you, but you just broke into our home, and it's giving, crazy, it's giving
04:17psychotic, okay?
04:18Are you crying?
04:21No, no, I'm not, no, I just, I don't know, nothing like this has ever happened before,
04:26you know, just nothing, nothing this, this violent.
04:29Well, I mean, it's not violent yet.
04:31Yet?
04:31Are you going to punch me in the head until I'm bleeding out on the floor?
04:34Can't we just work this out?
04:35You can have a Xanax, we can chill.
04:36Yeah, we can work it out, sure.
04:38Let's just all sit down with a cup of tea and work it out, and you, Zev Jeremiah Goldstein,
04:43need to sit down and write on a piece of paper that leaving me is the worst thing that anyone's
04:50ever done.
04:51Okay.
04:51You write that out, fucker!
04:53You write that out in blood, bastard!
04:54Okay, if you don't leave, in the next five seconds, I swear to God, we're going to call
04:57the police.
04:58Okay, stop!
04:59I'm not walking at you, I'm walking past you, little shorts.
05:03Now, I'm going to give you the kind of five.
05:04Five, four, three, two, one!
05:06Bring a man or a lie, oh, Lord, kill her, kill her, kill her, kill her, kill her, kill her,
05:12get her!
05:12Bring a man or a lie, oh, bring a man or a lie, oh, bring a man or a lie, oh, bring a man or
05:20I, I, I, I I, you I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I.
05:25I may have taken a gnome to your door Wendy, but you took an axe to my life.
05:30Bring a man or a lie, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I.
05:35You stole what was mine, and you forced me to move into an intergenerational great garden
05:39hell of single women and one hairless dog.
05:44Laura, please, the nails.
05:46The sound is horrible.
05:47The problem is, my nails?
05:48what about mom's throat sound what are you doing well the new york times says that small motions
05:56see that these small motions i'm doing right here they can extend your life by up to 15 years
06:01i really encourage you to try alan rickman is so hot it's one of those faces where you look
06:08at first you're like hmm and then you look for longer and you're like you could get it like i
06:13want to take him out back and then have him put it in my front yeah really encourage you to try
06:18to small motions mom this is very very shaming shaming shaming by suggesting that i would
06:25like my daughter to walk this earth with me for a little while longer you know i could be the
06:29dolly llama and you would still find fault with me if i hadn't married a goy your mother wouldn't
06:34have married a goy and your sister wouldn't have married a goy and you wouldn't love all these
06:40boring gorgeous pictures the thing about a christian man is they always end up at the
06:48corner bar that's the reason you're all single and living in my house my christian man did not
06:54end up at the corner bar he ended up in bushwick doing therapeutic ketamine and experimenting with
06:58pansexuality it's different just remember that i was with a jew and he still dumped me like i was on
07:03fire oh that would be so funny he's not you know if you broose yourself up a little you could make it
07:10with him again once you hook up with him once you go suck him off see if you can get him to come any
07:15day he has this erotic smell it could come right up the stairs i always knew you know what just accept
07:23it grandma's gonna hook up with your ex-boyfriend it's not a big deal well he's living with another
07:27woman right now and she is a model i'm 13. i'm not expected to have any plans on a friday night but
07:33you're all kind of a tragic lineup don't you think yeah well don't look at me all my friends are dead
07:38we're having a girls night what is wrong with you just get the drink goodbye see you in hell make sure
07:45you put vodka in there you in hell how dare you i'm your mother he is so much like his father honestly
07:54you have to reign him in you know what i love about this movie is emma thompson met her real
07:59life husband of 35 years on this film yes greg weiss he is so handsome handsome my only consolation
08:07love stories set in pastoral england the romance the honor i mean nobody's
08:14an influencer in the works of jane austen
08:16hi i'm jessica alba and i'm talking to you the mom waiting in the carpool lane can we can we cut
08:29do you have a hair in your eye no it's just this isn't the script i approved
08:34it it's i don't know i don't know what to say like you have me talking to everyone like they're 1950s
08:41housewives no so we had to do some punch-ups to the script because it was just starting to feel
08:45a little bit you know uh harsh wait you did punch-ups we get it like you know you have you have you have
08:50kids you have jobs and it's really hard for you but it's also really depressing why don't we get
08:55hair and makeup in so we can get the bangs off of her face i don't have bangs no banks you know i think
09:02that she's more concerned about the script than the look and you made a lot of changes that she wasn't
09:06able to see until now wow i'm gonna go talk to the client about the script uh i'm the client this
09:13is my business i'm the boss oh sorry about him what a freaking nerd i am so over these underprepared
09:22jeffs how do they get hired and for what it's worth i mean i know that you don't have bangs you have long
09:26layers obviously yeah and you created this amazing company and i love dark angel it was a really
09:32influential show for me i wanted to be a bike messenger after watching listen okay so i have
09:36kind of a wild idea what if we get jeff to go take like i don't know a permanent nap and you and i can
09:45do this together you know shoot it in a few hours you and i do it you and i shoot it yes um i i don't
09:53think you want me i'm not very capable uh yes you are listen there's nothing that that man knows that
10:00you don't you are way more capable than him trust me wait wait where are you going
10:09i'm gonna go to the bathroom jessica alba why hey well hurry back okay because he's a bed
10:16everything is fine so chill out no it's not because i just found you staring into space gnawing on a
10:21danish with one hand and trying to pull a chunk out of your hair with the other it's under control no it's
10:26not dad is jessica alba just said you ran out of there and left her to be tucked into some random
10:30bed like an orphan in a horror film she just asked you to hold it down okay well have the ad do it
10:35he's a people person who love that no she's not he's an ass grabber who somehow snuck by me too
10:45you know people ask me what it's like to work with my sister-in-law ex-sister-in-law i have to remind you
10:52that you left my sister to explore non-monogamy with a couple who are both named cody and you know
10:56i will tell whoever listens to me that we've never had an issue working together because you
11:01slay for me every time but something has shifted with you you had so much passion and drive and energy
11:10when i met you you had sparkle and now i don't know now you're mad you're just mad you probably
11:23haven't noticed because you've been so busy with the cody's but i've had a terrible year
11:27not only was i left by the man that i thought i would die with so was my sister and then we moved
11:31in with my mother who lost her house because she's spending too much money on sweaty betty apparel i used
11:36to think i was gonna be like this great director really say something about the female experience
11:41you know i wanted to say something and then i had to revise that dream and now i've been working for
11:47people for 15 years that wouldn't care if i died you took a gun and you were shooting me in the throat
11:54and i was laid on the floor bleeding they would have me replaced by lunch no no no no no no guns no
12:00shooting you're fine you're fine but i get it you're unhappy okay listen we are merging with radigan and
12:10vine in london congratulations and they have asked about finding a super strong producer for this this
12:18big christmas ad and and i want to put you up for it i think this might revive the jest that i knew
12:25at the very least you won't tell my soon-to-be ex-wife when i show up with a forehead hickey
12:35you want me to go to london you love movies where women fan themselves and die of tuberculosis and
12:41shit you saw spice world nine times in the theater no i can't i can't leave the city this beautiful city
12:48i can't leave new york i am new york baby look at me i i have a lot i have i have to i have
12:55what babe what do you have
13:05i don't understand and then i realized i could do it i could go and change my life
13:14you don't own me wendy jones
13:17there's the baby we'll miss you astrid you know i think it took me a long time before i realized that
13:25i wasn't fully mothered and part of it was post-war attitudes towards maternal obligation but some of
13:33it is just her bad personality so i want you to know that no matter how old you get and you will
13:42i will mother you i will mother you harder than you can take okay ouch
13:50if this is going on and on i'm going back inside i love you grandma it's very possible i won't see
14:02you again in this lifetime so give me a kiss on the lips i'm only kidding that's embarrassing when someone
14:11leans in remember to tickle all the guards at buckingham palace if anyone can make them smile
14:17it's you you've got a lot of spirit no waste but a lot of spirit okay get her in the house hi americans
14:27think british people are snotty and pretentious but smart british people think americans are stupid
14:32and vulgar but funny if you remember that you should be fine later i need to get the hat
14:37please you i'll kiss you on the lips i'll miss you guys i love you call me right when you get there
14:45don't forget like how did we survive up until this point i don't know oh wait we didn't they are so
14:53crazy i can't believe that you're doing this you were the kid who like threw up on sleepovers and had
14:58to go home by 7 30 p.m i guess i'm all grown up then i want you to promise me this is important that
15:04you're not going to kiss anyone who's missing more than two teeth and if they are missing teeth
15:07they have to be in the back not the front but let them go down on me yeah of course that's going
15:12to be like an interesting kind of like gummy sensation i don't want that then just remember okay
15:21you're my best thing
15:25i'm going to london you might not recognize me i had bangs in the last picture but it is she
15:29me high five yeah what shout was one of your daughters oh cheers yeah they're not all mine
15:37just some of them do you guys know him are you guys okay no three of my nieces we just went to florida
15:43okay like that clears your name patient to others kind to yourself opening new experiences close to pain
15:49patient to others kind to yourself into the experience
15:59is that a dog yes
16:08oh the phone booth was so funny those phone booths are so funny it's like probably people don't use them
16:14right oh my god that's fucking him palace look
16:29there you go it's just doing the lift oh no i think we missed it i'm looking for hoxton grove estate
16:44you know estate grounds fernick gardens archways some real merchant ivory type
16:50shit i don't i think it's like good luck with that love i just i don't think this is it
16:57it is i'll tell you no that's 98.75 please welcome to london
17:11last trip mama
17:14when are they coming to fix the dryer my sheets are still done it's nothing you're not used to
17:20excuse me i told you not to talk about that oh oh guys i'm sick of this lie
17:35hello sorry i'm gaz live here in the building uh i've been put in charge of your stay while your
17:44host bob and shirley enjoy their autumn in marbella it's the life ain't it hey who are you
17:50a little creature hi nice to meet you i sure hope you're sweet she's not only only because i lost
17:55me leg nearly nearly lost me leg to a ball terrier just just down there yeah we had to put her down
18:02how did you never mind i'll get the door it's just a little bit of a nap to it all right welcome in
18:10oh it said estate and um i just yeah had a different picture in my head i swore i saw crown
18:20molding in the description yep but you know that's like that's just a stain uh that actually i believe
18:27is uh champagne uh stain i mean i i'm being so silly it's just it's temporary right three months
18:33i'm probably not even going to be home a lot i'm probably going to be at like amazing parties or
18:37something yeah type it in that's a really nice photo of you that's the one from murder she wrote
18:45really okay okay do you have the keys so nothing was really inspiring me in my closet
18:52and i just like i've got this new knitting machine and it's just incredible i can like
18:57make these kind of tube styles really easy so oh you made your own outfit oh you can't go to a store
19:03and buy an outfit yeah tell me if you think it's um crazy cute or crazy crazy
19:19oh my god i'm in hell hey baby can you come here for a second oh
19:25oh no wendy no no okay i came here to release you not to replay you again and again so i'll put on
19:48my dress and i'll handle my hair and i'll go to a random bar sorry pub and i'll let life have its
19:55way with me or you know maybe i'll i'll have my way with it with my life i'll just ah get over there
20:03and i'll have my way with my life there you go that makes sense
20:17where are you from where are you from gentlemen that can't get it up and women that fart in their
20:35sleep welcome to the 100 millionth installment of easy come where we bring you the best musicians
20:43live and direct and we're lucky to have with us one of our regulars he's the king of excess a
20:48crystalline raindrop of a boy along with whatever form his band takes tonight i give you felix and the
20:55venus yeah thank you here you go
21:17i would rather
21:19i just want honey
21:47i would rather
21:52have to be
21:54i don't know
21:56i don't know
21:58it's hard
22:00i don't know
22:06a lot
22:07fucking hell who's done that for fuck's sake
22:27yo sorry have you got any bog roll in there
22:34hi hi I'm sorry I'm not saying no shit or anything it's just total fucking
22:39carnage situation in here sorry are you talking to me yep you see my hand yeah
22:44have you got any bog roll oh what do you call it toilet yeah thank you okay yeah I
22:52just don't want someone to think it was me do you know what I mean
22:56I've actually done quite a good job of that in here oh you sing you're the singing guy oh yeah
23:07yeah it was really nice thanks yeah bit of a weird song that one I think all the sinks are broken yeah
23:14you can still use the soap though just rub it in no you can't you you have to rinse off the soap
23:19otherwise you have germs and soap on your hands plus you'll be like really sticky feel that hey
23:24you're really sticky it won't be in ten minutes though why what are you gonna do chop your hands
23:29off do you want one of those drinks by the way they're my friends but they've probably got new
23:33ones by now oh no offense I would literally never take an open drink from a man especially one who
23:38doesn't wash his hands fair enough Felix by the way thanks for the bog roll okay I'm just I'm Jessica
23:44okay fine yeah you sure you seem kind of not okay vibes can I just be where I am or do I have to
24:14smile all the time like some laughing clown I mean you hardly ever smile that's one of the things I
24:20like about you then when you do smile it's extra Spanish smile button that's broken nope shall I guess
24:36later Felix oh yeah wow maybe I'll take a diet coke whenever you you get the chance but don't worry
24:45about it I mean I'm not even thirsty I love this place so indie it's awesome oh my god oh my god hey what
25:03that's funny seeing you here I was literally just thinking about whether you believe me about how it
25:10wasn't me pissed on the toilet seat no I mean I saw it before what are you doing standing on your own
25:15under a bridge like trying to get an uber I don't understand why this is not working do you know where
25:21this is yeah you've ordered that to Heathrow okay that explains it I guess I'll just walk it's probably
25:31not that far what if you accidentally walk to Heathrow I mean that's a distinct possibility I guess
25:37where are you going I feel like it's about to piss it down Hoxton Grove Estate
25:42what I bet you thought that meant something else didn't you when you saw the word estate
25:49I mean I'm not upset I just need to adjust my expectations I'm always like adjusting my
25:54expectations let me guess you like one of those love actually loving girls I know is it like the
25:59crown you're obsessed with the crown you're on like a pilgrimage no I'm not obsessed with the crown
26:03thank you very much I'm um a Wuthering Heights crime suspect rising I guess yeah okay sorry I
26:12underestimated you yeah you did you know I did have a special edition Princess Diana beanie baby
26:18yeah we all had those you've got like an American accent right no I'm not um I don't have that I
26:24don't have an American accent it's Slovakian actually I've actually always liked American things really
26:29like what the Simpsons I actually genuinely like the Simpsons yeah it's a good show Captain Crunch
26:35yum delicious oxycontin that's American right big fan of my love yeah it's my favorite breakfast
26:43sorry how long have you been here again um I got in today I got here today what the fuck I know
26:53what are you doing in like South London without any of your friends well do you want me to tell you
26:58the truth my ex-boyfriend and I split up six months ago because he couldn't see himself as like a
27:05father and a husband and now he's engaged to like an online girl like an influencer she makes lip gloss
27:13do you want me to murder them yeah I want you to cut their heads off and sew them back on as a lesson I
27:19don't want you to fully kill them but I'll root you on you're cold by the way of course no I run
27:27hot yeah I'm like sweating to a walk are you going to my house well I don't need to get murdered on
27:36your first night in London it's really nice no I'm sort of semi-squatting with a friend near this area
27:43called Angel we actually live like right across from the internet it's really doing my head in the
27:48internet yeah like one of the big companies like the internet companies it's really stressing me out
27:52because like when I wake up in the morning like we live literally right opposite this building so I'm
27:57like have they just been beaming internet signals like straight into my brain and like my crotch all
28:02night do you know I mean that sounds really like sexual what like I mean fucked by the internet that's
28:08how it feels I feel like I've been fucked all night by this building that's disgusting I actually heard
28:15my neighbor yelled cunt really loudly and then like throw her husband up against the wall at least if
28:21that's what it sounds like what in like where you're going now mm-hmm where I'm going now dark okay I
28:28know I don't know why I said that what a bummer you're sure it's this far oh this is like a two-hour
28:33affair at least oh so now we're having an affair I'm actually getting really cold oh yeah my jacket
28:43yes please that's kind of blustery like it's surrounded by tall buildings right yeah need a
28:49hand there you go fucking how are you gonna blow away I'm actually really hot now sorry what yeah
28:59immediately hot this is a whirlwind okay well do you want to come up and see my new horrible shitty
29:09new apartment your apartment oh my god my apartment sucks I don't sound like that yeah sure this isn't
29:22horrible at all it's kind of homey it's like being grandma's suitcase or something I quite like it oh
29:30my god who is that how'd you get in here what is that mm-hmm is that your dog she's a weirdo but
29:40she's an iconic queen hey I mean I guess we're all weirdos aren't we I adopted her when she was nine
29:48she's 10 now she had a cancerous lump on her lungs so I emptied out my savings and got it removed and
29:55now she's just a cancer-free lump oh hey I don't okay okay she's not wearing any clothes stop looking
30:02at her okay she have a favorite song um probably anything by Fiona Apple oh title is a good album
30:13well it's the first CD I ever owned title not like Backstreet Boys or that song about how it's just a
30:24little crush or whatever who'd leave you fuck that guy well you don't know him maybe he's amazing maybe
30:38you guys would be best friends no I don't think we'd be best friends um oh sorry sorry no no I'm just
31:02like seeing someone uh like it like it it's not it's probably not gonna work out but just because
31:07it's been a few months yeah um sure I'm just I'm trying to do stuff a bit differently like so I feel
31:13like I was kidding I'm so tired I just um I gotta work not tonight I'm not like a night worker I'm not
31:20like a cop okay I shouldn't have even went out tonight where's my bed gotta go to I feel like I'm
31:28asleep right now I mean do you want to hang out like another time or hope you have a nice yeah
31:32good to meet you too do you want to like swap you know like numbers or um I need to go to sleep
31:38cool okay all right get out of here I'll catch you again I'm kidding all right yeah see you later
31:44you don't have a bag or something no okay you're okay yeah hope to see you singing around town cool
31:50all right bye I saw a bug
31:58dear dear Wendy Jones I'm no longer dreaming of a new life I'm living it I'm gonna take a lover
32:10not the guy that was here tonight he's kind of weird but a different lover many lovers we're all
32:16gonna make love or something like that the fire of my passion cannot be extinguished oh my god oh my god
32:26stop drop and roll stop drop and roll stop drop and roll oh my god
32:31you
32:35you
32:39you
32:43you
32:43you
32:49you
32:55you
32:579 1 1 9 1 1
33:00Or is it different here?
33:04901-999?
33:06I feel, like, really dizzy.
33:07Like, I feel like I'm going to pass out or something.
33:10Can you unlock the door for us, ma'am?
33:13I just feel like I'm really going to go down.
33:16I'm not drunk.
33:17If you thought I was drunk, I'm not drunk.
33:19Yeah, look, we're very dear friends.
33:21Very, very close.
33:22If any last-minute operations or decisions, I'm your guy.
33:26All right?
33:27So what's going on?
33:28Did she do it on purpose?
33:29Listen, before we go, we needed to get her under some cold water.
33:33Like, um, pasta?
33:34What, ma'am?
33:35Like, um, pasta?
33:37I'm burned and this little guy's just spraying me.
33:40You're fine.
33:42Just keep breathing.
33:43Just keep breathing like you're giving birth to twins.
33:46Wait, where's my dog?
33:47You guys aren't watching my dog.
33:49If she was a kid, you guys would be watching her.
33:51You only care about kids.
33:52You don't care about dogs.
33:54What about little goats?
33:55What?
33:55It was a Heather's cat.
33:56Stay with me.
33:59You all right?
34:02And by God, Wendy, there he was.
34:06My Mr. Darcy.
34:07My Rochester.
34:08My Alan Rickman.
34:10My...
34:11Felix.
34:12Yeah.
34:18incorporation music.
34:26March
34:29day line.
34:30Yeah, man.
34:31Yeah, ma'am.
34:31My reporter.
34:32Hey.
34:33Bye, Wendy.
34:33Mm-hmm.
34:33Jeff.
34:33You just got your guilt in the news
34:37Now I'm wishing that I didn't wear these shoes
34:39It's like every time I get up on the dude
34:42Paparazzi put my venice in the news
34:45And I'm like, get up out my face
34:47Or I turn around and spray your ass with me
34:49My lips make you wanna have a taste
34:52You got that? I got the base
34:55How come every time you come around my London, London bridge
34:59Wanna go down like
35:01London, London, London
35:02Wanna go down like
35:03London, London, London
35:05Be going down like
35:06How come every time you come around my London, London bridge
35:10Wanna go down like
35:11London, London, London
35:13Wanna go down like
35:14London, London, London
35:15Be going down like
35:17Oh, shit on the world!
35:33London, Brisbane, Oxford
35:35Who's aąs-
35:37London, Ireland, London, London
35:39What's the duty?
35:40當然
35:41Hong印, London
35:43wholesale
35:43шая
35:43Whichプ48
35:48case
35:48French
35:49미국
35:51Bible
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