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00:00Hi, I'm Sasha from Los Angeles, and my mom is my best friend in the world.
00:05But we weren't always so close.
00:07In fact, we'd have the most epic fights every day.
00:10But before I continue, please like and subscribe.
00:13Mom grew up in Louisiana near the bayou, and she was always a little weird.
00:17Her best friends were animals, and she had a thick southern accent, and she'd say the strangest things.
00:23It's hotter than a goat's butt in a pepper patch.
00:25But everyone was nice to her because she came from the wealthiest family in town.
00:29She met my dad in high school.
00:31They fell in love, got married, and had me.
00:33But when I turned five, Dad begged Mom to move to California.
00:37A couple of weeks after we moved into our new house, I started to notice Mom acting strange.
00:42Late at night, she'd march up and down the sidewalk, glare up at the windows, and sneak into Dad's study.
00:47One day, I asked Mom all about it.
00:50Oh, honey, that didn't happen. It was just your imagination.
00:53Nuh-uh, you did it every night this week.
00:55Then Mom gave me the strangest look.
00:57That night, I heard Mom and Dad arguing, and a couple of days later, Dad moved out.
01:02After Dad left, Mom tried to make me happy, but she only made things worse.
01:06On my tenth birthday, she threw me a huge party in our backyard with dozens of kids from school and their parents.
01:12But when my mom opened her mouth, it was a disaster.
01:15Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit.
01:18Excuse me, what?
01:19I'm as happy as a tick on a dog.
01:21All the kids laughed at my mom. Even their parents thought she was a joke.
01:25I got so mad I sprayed them all with the water hose.
01:28They ran away screaming.
01:30But to my surprise, instead of thanking me, Mom grounded me for a week.
01:34As the years passed, I started to notice that Mom was way too nice.
01:38When I was in middle school, Mom inherited millions of dollars.
01:41She donated a ton of it to several hospitals, and Mom's name was in all the newspapers.
01:46Next day, strangers started coming to her house to ask her for money for their fake charities and stupid businesses.
01:53We have to save the toothpicks. Teeth are suffering all around the world.
01:58Imagine a plate that could talk to you, then walk into the kitchen and clean itself. Dinner would never be the same.
02:04Mom just couldn't tell them no, but the moment they left, they'd call Mom an idiot and spend the money on expensive clothes and fancy cars.
02:12Of course, I didn't let them get away with it. I snuck into Mom's office and found all their addresses.
02:17Then, I'd toilet paper their house, leave poop on their doorstep, slash their tires, and leave notes demanding that they give Mom her money back or else.
02:25It was exhausting protecting Mom all the time, and I swear she never learned.
02:30We'd argue for hours about her ridiculous habits, but she refused to change.
02:34Dad was worried about Mom too, so he started to come around more.
02:37It felt really good having him back in my life. He was the best Dad in the world.
02:42He took me to the movies, shopping sprees at the mall, and he even let me plan a special vacation to Las Vegas for the two of us when Mom was out of town.
02:49I was so excited.
02:51I used Mom's credit card to book a fancy room at a luxury casino with the finest restaurants on the planet.
02:57Nothing but the best for my daughter.
02:59We'd just stepped into the airport when Mom showed up and ruined everything.
03:04She canceled the trip and dragged me back home.
03:07A week later, I called Dad to apologize for Mom's behavior.
03:10Your Mom's crazy. I can't stand her anymore.
03:13Can we hang out this weekend?
03:15Sorry, I'm busy. Maybe another time.
03:17I kept calling, trying to make plans with Dad, but he always made up some excuse, and when he didn't call me for my 15th birthday, I was devastated.
03:26Mom caught me crying in my room.
03:28The next day, she told me someone special was here to see me.
03:31I raced down the stairs. I just knew it was Dad, but instead, it was a huge pig named Sam, and she said he'd be my new best friend.
03:40Sam followed me around the house. He ate my homework and pooped everywhere, but after a while, I learned to love him.
03:46We took long walks in the neighborhood every day. As you can imagine, everyone in town thought I was a crazy psycho, except for my neighbor Josh.
03:53Wow, cool. Is that a pig?
03:56No, Sherlock. He's a unicorn.
03:58Can I pet him?
03:59No. For weeks, every time Josh saw me walking Sam, he'd run up and try to talk to me. One time, he even bought me an ice cream cone.
04:07It's hot. I was thinking that you'd want one. I wasn't sure if you wanted a cone or a cup.
04:11Oh, no. It's melting. Oh, now your fingers are all sticky.
04:15I'm fine. It's no big deal.
04:17I'm so sorry. That wasn't smart. I can do better. I promise. Hold on. I'll run and get you a cup.
04:23Another time, Josh bought me a hat, a popsicle, a sandwich, a whole pizza, and a t-shirt with our faces on it.
04:29Even though he was annoying and talked about the most random things, I started to enjoy his company and developed the tiniest crush.
04:36I even let him pet Sam.
04:38Can I really?
04:39Sure, but be careful. He's kinda shy.
04:41Josh rubbed Sam's head. Sam got mad and chased him into the bushes.
04:45Josh scraped his knee and started crying like a baby.
04:48Mom saw the whole thing and invited Josh inside.
04:51And as usual, she embarrassed me.
04:53Now aren't you as cute as a button. No wonder Sasha's been the happy as a clam at high tide.
04:58Josh was totally confused.
05:01Mom, I'm just being honest, honey. You two go together like peas and carrots.
05:05Stop acting like a bump on a log. Ain't no secret that you got the hots for that boy.
05:10I was mortified. I wanted to fold myself into an envelope and mail myself to Siberia.
05:16Luckily, Mom finally left the room. Then Josh started smiling like a demented clown.
05:21Why are you looking at me like that? I've got a crush on you, too.
05:25Soon, Josh and I started dating. But when his parents found out, they weren't very happy.
05:30It didn't help that my mom caught Josh's mom making fun of her at the grocery store.
05:34That woman has no class. Her clothes are a disaster and that daughter of hers is a menace.
05:39Mom marched up to Josh's mom and started screaming like a maniac.
05:43Hold your horses, honey. If you keep talking about my daughter like that, I'm gonna slap you silly.
05:48What's that you say? I can't understand you. Maybe you should learn some proper English.
05:53Josh's mom shoved past Mom and started laughing with her friends.
05:57Mom grabbed a pie and smashed it in Josh's mom's face.
06:00Josh's mom grabbed a candelope and threw it at Mom's head.
06:03Then the two of them started fighting like wrestlers in a cage match.
06:07Josh tried to break it up, but accidentally got hit in the eye by someone's elbow.
06:11Then a couple of security guards showed up and dragged them out the door.
06:14The police showed up and gave them both a warning.
06:17That night, Josh sent me the worst text ever. It said,
06:20Hi, I can't be your boyfriend anymore. Sorry.
06:23I called Josh a dozen times, but he didn't answer.
06:26I went to his house and his mother sent me away. I was heartbroken.
06:30Mom tried to comfort me, but it didn't help.
06:33The truth was that my mom was ruining my life and I started to really resent her.
06:38I wanted her to change, but I knew she never would.
06:40But things started looking up in the fall.
06:42I was accepted to a fancy private school across town.
06:45And since no one knew me, it was the perfect time to reinvent myself.
06:49I changed my hair, bought new clothes, and practiced being cool in the mirror.
06:53When school started, the most amazing thing happened.
06:56The popular girls loved me.
06:58I landed a spot on the cheerleading team and the cutest boy in school asked me out.
07:03To my surprise, I saw Josh in the hallway.
07:05He was a new student like me.
07:07He tried to say hello, but I totally ignored him.
07:10I was way out of his league.
07:11Life was perfect until Mom messed up everything.
07:14I was hanging out with Lacey and the rest of the cheerleaders when Mom showed up at school to pick me up.
07:19Look at that lady.
07:20Is that a lizard on her shoulder?
07:22No way!
07:23Is she walking a pig?
07:25They started laughing at Mom.
07:27And I wanted to fit in, so I started laughing too.
07:30I know, right?
07:32She's so disgusting!
07:34I felt bad about it at first, but I couldn't go back to being a freak.
07:37I tried to steer my friends away, but Mom saw me and rushed over.
07:41Aren't y'all precious?
07:42Fine as a frog's hair split four ways.
07:44It's so nice to finally meet your friends, Sasha!
07:47Then the worst thing happened.
07:49Sam squealed and then pooped on Lacey's shoes.
07:52The entire ride home, I was raging mad.
07:55I didn't talk to Mom for the rest of the night.
07:58The next morning at school was the worst.
08:00Lacey and the other kids couldn't stop talking about Mom.
08:03Who was that crazy woman and how did she know your name?
08:06I lied and told her that Mom was my maid and she was too poor and crazy to live by herself.
08:12So she lived at my house and my real parents owned a successful multinational business
08:17and they traveled to a new country every week on their private jet.
08:20Too bad for you.
08:21That really stinks.
08:23I'd have fired her a long time ago.
08:25Yeah, I know.
08:26It's hard, but I've learned to live with it.
08:29Josh overheard me talking to Lacey and ambushed me at my locker ten minutes later.
08:34What's wrong with you, Sasha?
08:35Why would you say those mean things about your mom?
08:38Why do you care?
08:39You broke up with me because of her.
08:41It wasn't like that.
08:42It's complicated.
08:43Just like your stupid face.
08:45My parents gave me an ultimatum.
08:46They said that if I kept dating you, then they wouldn't pay my school tuition
08:50or give me an allowance or buy me a car.
08:52Breaking up with you was the worst decision I ever made.
08:55I regret it every day, but I didn't think I had a choice.
08:58But now I know I was wrong.
09:00I think we can make this work, but even if we can't get back together,
09:03maybe we could at least be friends?
09:05I've got plenty of friends.
09:06I'm really worried about you.
09:08You shouldn't have to pretend to be someone you're not just to fit in with those jerks.
09:12At least those jerks didn't drop me when things got inconvenient.
09:16I stormed off.
09:17I couldn't believe that Josh had the nerve to judge me.
09:20As the days passed, I ignored mom and spent all my free time with my new friends.
09:24Then I got a phone call from my dad.
09:26He asked me to meet him after school.
09:28Promise me you won't tell your mom.
09:30You must realize by now that she's crazy.
09:32I've been trying to contact you for years, but she refused to let me see you.
09:36I met dad at a cafe and we talked for hours.
09:39He told me about his fabulous new life as an artist and how he traveled the world and made tons of money,
09:44but I never remembered seeing any of his paintings.
09:47He even invited me to travel with him for the summer.
09:49Then this strange man came in and dad got really nervous.
09:53I love you, honey.
09:54I have to go, but I promise I'll make things up to you.
09:57Dad gave me a big hug and he left with the man.
10:00All of a sudden, I felt like I was five again, watching dad leave.
10:04A typhoon of tears rolled down my cheeks.
10:06I was so angry that I'd missed out on having a dad for so many years because of mom.
10:11By the time I got home, it was really late and mom was upset with me.
10:15Honey, we need to talk.
10:16You don't walk Sam anymore.
10:18You hardly spend any time with me.
10:19Every time I try to talk to you, you're madder than a wet hen and tougher than a $2 steak.
10:23What does that even mean?
10:25You've been difficult and you used to be sweet as cherry pie.
10:28What's going on?
10:29It's you.
10:30You're weird and strange and everyone thinks you're a freak.
10:34You're embarrassing and you've been ruining my life since I was five.
10:37Even dad says you're crazy and I know you've been keeping him away from me.
10:41Mom looked at me like she'd seen a ghost.
10:44What are you talking about?
10:45Dad told me everything.
10:47He even invited me to travel with him for the summer.
10:49He's an artist now and he's awesome.
10:51Your father is lying like a dog on a rug.
10:53I should've told you earlier, but your dad has some problems.
10:56He's a thief and a con artist.
10:58And he owes a lot of money to some really bad men.
11:00I didn't believe her.
11:02I couldn't.
11:03My dad was a good guy.
11:04She was the crazy one.
11:05I was so angry, I screamed.
11:07I couldn't stand being in the same room with her for another second.
11:10I turned and ran out the front door.
11:12Then, the craziest thing happened.
11:14This van rolled up and the scary man from the cafe jumped out.
11:18He grabbed me and tried to pull me into his car.
11:21Mom and Sam appeared out of nowhere.
11:23Let my daughter go, you low-down dirty snake.
11:26Mom yanked me out of the man's arms and pushed me to safety.
11:29Mom and the man fought in the street.
11:31Mom slipped, hit her head on the curb and fell unconscious.
11:33Sam bit the man on his butt and the man ran away screaming.
11:37A couple of neighbors called the ambulance.
11:39When we got to the hospital, they rushed Mom into emergency surgery.
11:42The police told me that they'd caught the man trying to leave town.
11:45He and my dad hatched a plan to kidnap me and hold me for ransom.
11:49My dad even had an anonymous note on his computer
11:52that he was going to send to Mom demanding $2 million for my return.
11:56The police arrested them both and threw them in jail.
11:59I felt horrible.
12:00I couldn't stop crying.
12:02Then I turned to see Josh and he gave me the biggest hug.
12:05This is all my fault.
12:07Mom tried to tell me the truth about Dad, but I didn't believe her.
12:11You can't blame yourself, Sasha. We all make mistakes.
12:14I'm sure your mother knows that you love her.
12:16What matters is you're here for her now.
12:18Then the most unexpected thing happened.
12:21Apparently, news of my mom's accident had spread
12:24and dozens of people showed up in the waiting room.
12:26They told me stories about how Mom mentored them and changed their lives.
12:31Your mother is the smartest woman I know.
12:33She invested in my business when no one else would.
12:36She taught us to be ourselves.
12:38Now, we've got the most popular album in the country.
12:41I was amazed at how much of an impact Mom had on so many people.
12:45I told you your mom was special.
12:46Then the doctor came out and gave us the best news.
12:49The surgery was a success.
12:51Mom was released from the hospital a week later.
12:53When she came home, I was so happy.
12:56I hugged her as tight as I could.
12:58Heavens to Betsy, what's gotten into you?
13:01I'm just happy you're okay.
13:02I'm sorry about everything I said.
13:05I love you so much.
13:06I'm not ashamed of you, and I'm proud that you're my mother.
13:09I know you love me in your own way.
13:11Well, that just steals my pickle.
13:14I'm as happy as a clam at high tide.
13:17What does that mean?
13:18He's not the sharpest tool in the shed.
13:20The porch light's on, but no one's home.
13:23Huh?
13:24We're just kidding.
13:25You're the smartest kid I know.
13:26I pulled Josh close, and just as I was about to kiss him,
13:29Sam jumped between us and lit my face.