Poker Face Season 2 Episode 5
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Cheese Park, Velvety Canned Cheese, making your cheese a breeze.
00:05Come on in everybody, get you some canned cheese.
00:10Can't you?
00:11Yeah.
00:18And here come our boys now, ladies and gentlemen, your Montgomery Cheese Bumpers.
00:26And on the mound, Montgomery's own hometown hero, Rocket Russ Waddell.
00:42Get him, Rocket, fall down!
00:44These brass brasses can't handle the heat, Russ!
00:47Blast off!
00:56Oh!
00:59Damn!
01:02Come on!
01:05Take it off, Rockets! You still got it!
01:08Just warm it up, Russ! Just warm it up!
01:10You still got it!
01:11You still got it!
01:12Come on, Chance.
01:13Come on, Chance.
01:14Come on, Chance!
01:19Come on, Chance!
01:20Yeah!
01:21Shit!
01:22Come on, Chance!
01:23Come on!
01:25Go!
01:27Go!
01:28Go!
01:29Go!
01:31Go!
01:32Go!
01:34Go!
01:35It's a fucking embarrassing job, sir.
01:36I ain't even seen nothing like it.
01:37I ain't never even seen nothing like it.
01:38Never gonna win again.
01:39Never getting laid again.
01:4129 straight losses.
01:4329!
01:45I'm about to cut this Bad News Bears.
01:47Actually, the Bad News Bears had one good pitcher and one good hitter,
01:51so unless Tatum O'Neal walks through that door, we're worse.
01:55Russ.
01:59Russ?
02:01We drinking?
02:02Right behind you.
02:03Oh, shit.
02:17Hey.
02:18Bought you some soup.
02:22Thank you, Lucille.
02:23Well, I just wanted you to know that you will always have a home here
02:37at Velvety Canned Cheese Park.
02:42You're part of the family no matter what.
02:45Thanks.
02:46Ann, with Sal retiring next season, we're gonna need a new head groundskeeper.
02:58Oh, dang.
02:59Oh, did Skip not...
03:01I was just, um, working up the nerve to tell you.
03:07GM called.
03:10The organization's gonna let you go.
03:12That's it?
03:14I'm done?
03:16Russ, I'm sorry.
03:18It's just...
03:20time.
03:31Oh, so that's it, huh?
03:34Yep.
03:34They're giving me one more start, then off to the pasture.
03:37God damn it.
03:38It's not fair, Ruck.
03:40It's too damn fair.
03:41That's what hurts.
03:43If I still had my heat, that'd be something else.
03:45You still have that 100-mile-an-hour fastball left in you, Russ.
03:48Yeah, you can get it back.
03:50Nah, it's gone.
03:52Skip's right, maybe.
03:53It's just...
03:54time.
03:55Rocket?
03:56Fellas?
03:58Drinks are on me.
03:59Oh!
04:00Look at that!
04:01Actually, one, two hundred bucks betting on you guys losing back-to-back games.
04:05Figured I owed you, so...
04:07Hey, enjoy.
04:08Hey.
04:10I assume they got any decent work lined up for the off-season.
04:13Not yet.
04:15They still got the classified ads in the newspapers.
04:17I don't think they still have newspapers.
04:20Vegas odds of us losing our next five games is 22 to 1.
04:24So?
04:26So?
04:28If our so-called fans could make money off how bad we are, why can't we?
04:34Isn't players gambling on games illegal?
04:36It's more than illegal, Goose.
04:39It's sacrilege.
04:39And if anybody even heard that we were discussing this...
04:44Forget the show.
04:46We'd all be banned.
04:47For life.
04:48Lou, you're a 32-year-old Bush League catcher with a career batting average of 220.
04:52I hate to break it to you, but you ain't making the show.
04:55Neither are you.
04:56I know.
04:57None of us are.
04:58I mean, we can't beat time.
04:59So what do we do?
05:03Okay.
05:03We got five games between now and my last start, right?
05:06If someone was to bet a parlay on us losing all five games, for any dollar they put in,
05:11that someone would get 22 back.
05:14And that someone is us, right?
05:16Oh, my God.
05:17Thank you, Carl.
05:18Okay, look.
05:19We pooled together all the money we could get our hands on, right?
05:22Life savings, second mortgages, whatever.
05:25Then we bet on ourselves.
05:26I mean, if we could get, like, 100K, we're talking like 2 million in return.
05:31Huh?
05:31Are we in?
05:33I'm in.
05:34If I sell the camper, I can get, like, 50 and 20 grand.
05:50Atta boy.
05:51Atta boy.
05:51Cheesemongers lose to the honeys, 12 to 0.
06:09Cheesemongers lose again, 11 to 1.
06:13On the bright side, velvety canned cheese does help to drown the sorrow of this punishing losing streak.
06:21Cheesemongers lose 13 to 3.
06:28Someone take this away from me.
06:30But just know I'm going to put up a fight.
06:42Cheesemongers keep it within 10 runs, losing 14 to 5.
06:47Let's go.
06:48Another cheesemonger loss would make for 34 straight, breaking a minor league record that's stood since 1951.
06:57Russ, as today's starting pitcher, how are you dealing with the pressure?
07:02Well, I'm just grateful I'm the one who's taking the mound for us today.
07:05Well, Russ, seems like I bear nothing but bad news these days.
07:11For an office promoter, the kid from Ricky Ball, Felix Domingo, they want him to start.
07:19Skip, this is my last start.
07:22You said I could have this.
07:23What the fuck?
07:24I'm sorry, Russ.
07:25Hey, Skip.
07:28Lou.
07:29Hi.
07:31I borrowed eight grand from a guy named, no joke, Shady the kneecapper McGee.
07:37If this Felix kid is any good, we're screwed.
07:40Hey, settle down, all right?
07:41Let me see what's what.
07:42Hey, welcome to the club.
07:53Oh, my God.
07:54Rock and Russ, what the hell?
07:56Oh, my God, man.
07:58It's really you.
07:58You know who I am?
08:00Yeah, of course, man.
08:02Actually, when I was a kid, my brother and I, we tried buying up all your rookie cards.
08:06You know, 100 mile an hour fastball, crazy movement.
08:10We thought you were going to be like the next Roger Clemens.
08:12Yeah, well, if time gets us all.
08:15What's that?
08:16Oh, this?
08:17Yeah, yeah, it's actually pretty cool.
08:19So, it's a barometer.
08:20My curve's usually borderline at most altitudes, right?
08:23But with the lower elevation here, I feel like I can get a good break.
08:26Okay, that's one approach.
08:28Yeah, for sure.
08:29You want a dip?
08:30Nope.
08:30Sorry.
08:31I got my own.
08:34Yeah, anyway, I always like to scout the ballpark before I pitch.
08:40Wind conditions, field conditions.
08:41There's always something I can use.
08:43You know that?
08:45Honored to meet you, but I should warm up if I'm going to stop this losing streak.
08:51You're a fucking legend.
08:53I just...
08:53Okay.
08:54Yeah, good luck out there.
08:55Thank you, man.
08:56So?
08:57I don't think he's much, but still, we can't leave this to chance.
09:01I say we jump the bastard right now.
09:03Go for the elbow.
09:04We don't need to hurt the kid, okay?
09:06Just get him out of the game.
09:07Shh, shh.
09:09Hey, go get him, PD.
09:11That's it.
09:13Hey, don't worry.
09:15I got an idea.
09:16I'll see you on the field.
09:17We're getting 3.1 million dollars, and we're splitting it five ways, and get 5% going to
09:23that front man.
09:24How much money does that leave me, exactly?
09:26I hate this type of man, dude.
09:28We'll take care of it afterwards, all right?
09:30Right now, I just need you to keep your head in the game so we can lose it, okay?
09:34Okay?
09:35Let's get our asses kicked.
09:36I've been noticing a slight numbness in my right arm, and I'm wondering if it's related
09:46to all the velvety canned cheese I've been eating.
09:49Is anyone else experiencing this?
09:51If so, please come see me in the announcer booth.
09:55Taking the mound for the first time with the Mongers is Felix Domingo, just promoted from
10:01Rookie Ball.
10:02Let's see if he can snap the team out of its incredibly dispiriting, historic skid.
10:10There you are.
10:12What'd you do?
10:14Scored some ass from one of the hippie vendor dudes.
10:17Spiked the kid's gum.
10:18She can't get any minute.
10:21Doc Ellis' him?
10:24A what?
10:25Doc Ellis, Pittsburgh Pirates, 1970.
10:28He dropped the acid because he thought it was his day off, but then he had to pitch.
10:32Yeah.
10:33I Doc Ellis' shit out of him.
10:35No, you dumbass.
10:37Once the LSD kicked in, his game went to a whole other level.
10:48He threw a no-hitter.
10:51He threw a no-hitter.
11:20I seem to have stopped seeing the color green.
11:43It's weird.
11:44All the other colors are still present in my field of vision.
11:46But the grass, for instance, has taken on a kind of gray pallor.
11:51I have stopped eating the velvety canned cheese, but if there is a medical doctor in attendance
11:56and you'd be open to stopping by, I don't think that'd be the worst idea.
12:02Well, folks, we've got ourselves an old-fashioned pitcher's duel.
12:07Still zero-zero here in the night?
12:09Can the unorthodox young Felix Domingo continue his dominant debut performance?
12:16Bunt.
12:18Bunt?
12:19Don't stop running.
12:20Trust me.
12:22We're going to humble the new kid.
12:26I'll do it.
12:29First pitch of the ninth underway.
12:34And it's the Bunt.
12:37Dundee feels what should be an easy out of it and throws it into the outfield.
12:41Oh, my God.
12:44Sandberg trips and throws the ball into the ground.
12:50Jackson picks up the ball.
12:52No, he muffs it.
12:54Ah!
12:54Ah!
12:57Ah!
12:59Damn it!
13:04Damn it!
13:07Say better!
13:08It's a solemn scene at Velvety Canned Cheese Park,
13:14as our beloved cheesemongers are now officially the biggest losers in minor league history.
13:19Truly, there is no joy in Mudville tonight.
13:22You got rid of the spiked gum, right?
13:46Shit.
13:46Shit.
13:47Shit.
13:47Shit.
13:47Shit.
13:48Shit.
13:49Shit.
13:50Shit.
13:51Shit.
13:51Shit.
13:52Oh, Felix, hey.
14:15Can't find my damn car keys.
14:18Hell of a game, kid.
14:19Sorry about that loss.
14:20Is this what you used?
14:25Used?
14:26You and your buddies, you try to spike my gum to get me out of the game?
14:32What?
14:32Why would we do that?
14:34Because you wanted to throw it.
14:37We're like the worst team in minor league history.
14:39Even if we were going to throw the game, how would you even tell?
14:42Because your buddy Carl tried doing a little math in my notebook between innings, trying to figure out how to split up $3,136,018 five ways.
14:57You're in it.
14:59You're in it.
14:59He wrote down your names.
15:01God damn it.
15:02Carl, shit.
15:03And he got the math wrong.
15:05Okay, we can make this right.
15:08What's it going to take?
15:09Out on the mountain today, I went to some place.
15:14A place I've only dreamed of where God's face speaks from the crystalline waters and his angels' manifested monkey form.
15:28What the hell are you talking about, Felix?
15:33I'm done with baseball.
15:35Yeah, I want to move to Belize and find God and take drugs.
15:47After you give me the $3 million you want on today's game.
15:52Oh, come on, man.
15:54That's our life savings you're talking about.
15:56Some of these guys got family.
15:58Look, why don't we give you half?
16:00You could go to Belize and we'll call it a day.
16:03Either you give me the entire $3 million to keep me quiet, or I bring the evidence to the cops and you lose it all anyway.
16:18Rocket Rose!
16:21You done?
16:24Yeah.
16:25Yeah, I guess I am.
16:26Smack.
16:30Smack.
16:31I'll give you instructions on how to wire me the money tomorrow.
16:34Once it's in my account, I'll give you the evidence.
16:38All right?
16:38Oh, and Russ, you were so right.
16:42Time gets us all.
16:44But you had all the time and the talent as any of the greats.
16:49You just blew it.
16:52Jesus, man.
16:52Look at you.
16:54I don't even know how you live with yourself.
16:55Oh, my God.
17:12My fastball.
17:14I got it.
17:15I still got...
17:16Oh, shit.
17:20Hey.
17:22Hey.
17:22Hey.
17:22Hey.
17:23Hey.
17:23Hey.
17:24Hey.
17:24Hey.
17:25Hey.
17:25Hey.
17:26Hey.
17:27Hey.
17:28Hey.
17:28Hey.
17:29Hey.
17:29Hey.
17:30Hey.
17:30Hey.
17:30Hey.
17:31Hey.
17:31Hey.
17:32Hey.
17:32Hey.
17:33Hey.
17:34Hey.
17:35Hey.
17:36Hey.
17:37Hey.
17:38Hey.
17:39Hey.
17:40Hey.
17:41Hey.
17:42Hey.
17:43Hey.
17:44Hey.
17:45Hey.
17:46Hey.
17:47Hey.
17:48Hey.
17:49Hey.
17:50Hey.
17:50Let's go.
18:20Let's go.
18:50Let's go.
19:20Let's go.
19:50Let's go.
19:52Let's go.
19:56Let's go.
19:58Let's go.
20:00Let's go.
20:02Let's go.
20:04Let's go.
20:06Let's go.
20:08Let's go.
20:10Let's go.
20:12Let's go.
20:14Let's go.
20:16Let's go.
20:18Let's go.
20:20Let's go.
20:22Let's go.
20:24Let's go.
20:26Let's go.
20:28Let's go.
20:30Let's go.
20:32Let's go.
20:34Let's go.
20:36Let's go.
20:38Let's go.
20:40Let's go.
20:42Let's go.
20:44Let's go.
20:46Let's go.
20:48Let's go.
20:50Let's go.
20:52Let's go.
20:54Let's go.
20:56Let's go.
20:58Let's go.
21:00Let's go.
21:10Let's go.
21:12Let's go.
21:14Let's go.
21:16Let's go.
21:18What is your general philosophy regarding litigation and such?
21:24Look, looking around, I can see this isn't really, you know, the major leagues.
21:29And anyway, by nature, I gotta say, I'm a lover, not a sewer.
21:34I'm so glad. I have to tell you something.
21:37We are barely keeping the lights on as it is.
21:40I think this team is very important to this town.
21:43Gives us a sense of community, you know?
21:45It's a place for people to come every day, same people, but interesting dynamics.
21:52No shit. Second smack. Wow.
21:57Okay, uh, crazy question.
22:01You were born to wear that uniform.
22:05Yeah? Yes.
22:06Okay, so, uh, how does this work?
22:08Uh, hey, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter.
22:11No, don't do that.
22:14Come here, walk with me.
22:15As a ball girl, what you're gonna do, honey, is you're gonna field foul balls,
22:19and you're gonna interact with the fans, which can really be fun.
22:23And then, oh, before the game, you just pitch in wherever you're needed,
22:26operate in the pitching machine, shagging balls.
22:29Still explain that one.
22:30It's simple. You just pick up the loose baseballs during batting practice.
22:34Okay, I can do it.
22:35All right.
22:36Yeah.
22:37I'm gonna introduce you to the oldest member of our family.
22:40His name is Rambo, and I should have retired him years ago, but I don't have the funds to get a new one.
22:46I'll show you how it works.
22:48You flip this thing.
22:51Oh, I should tell you.
22:53You gotta be real careful, because every couple of balls, he just starts shooting wild, and he can hit anything inside.
23:01Yeah, yeah, see?
23:03Wow.
23:04Uh, so, uh, what do you do when that happens?
23:06Just look.
23:07Smack!
23:07If you could sign my shoes.
23:17Yeah, are you?
23:19Yeah.
23:20Thanks, Rocky.
23:21Uh, hey.
23:22Who's Mr. Baseball over there?
23:25Rocky, Russ Waddell?
23:27Freedest athlete this town's ever produced.
23:30Former first-round draft pick and top prospect.
23:32One of only three Montgomery citizens to get their own Wikipedia entry.
23:38I'll bite.
23:38Who are the other two?
23:40Hiram Labinski, the inventor of Velvety Canned Cheese Substitute Spread, and my cousin Jamie, who co-founded Wiccanese.
23:48I mingle with royalty.
23:50So, uh, what is Mr. Hotshot Rocket doing here in the minors?
23:56Russ lost his fastball a few years ago.
23:59No one knows why.
24:01Injury, bad luck.
24:03Family curse.
24:04There's a classic case of the yips, and you know it.
24:06I'm sorry, yips?
24:07Russ got in his own head and messed with this whole approach.
24:10We tried every cure in the book to fix it.
24:13Body waxing, ritual tugging, slutty babe Ruth.
24:18None of it worked.
24:20But I got a feeling that today's gonna be the day.
24:24We're finally gonna get the old rocket back.
24:27Oh!
24:29Oh, yeah.
24:30Oh, yeah.
24:30Oh, yeah.
24:30Oh, yeah.
24:30Oh, yeah.
24:31Oh, yeah.
24:31Oh, yeah.
24:31Oh, yeah.
24:32Oh, yeah.
24:32Check it out, Rocket.
24:36You still got it.
24:38Oh, sadly bullshit.
24:47Another picture, Frank.
24:51Hi.
24:52Uh, oh, I'm Charlie, the new ball girl.
24:55Don't think we've met.
24:56I'm Russ, the washed-up old-timer.
24:58Oh, come on.
24:59Oh, hey, sorry about the, uh, the game.
25:03It's a tough loss.
25:05You think I'd get used to it by now?
25:07Hey, just a game.
25:09Shake it off, right?
25:10Uh, I sound it off.
25:12Uh, you're gonna tell me it's not just a game, right?
25:16Well, you're right.
25:16Oh, you're right.
25:17It's just a game.
25:18Uh, it's the only thing I've ever had a gift for.
25:21And when you're given a gift in life, you're in a strange one, like throwing a little ball
25:25swiftly past the man with a stick.
25:28When you get a taste of putting it to use, it's been years since I even touched 90, let
25:34alone triple digits.
25:36Actually, somebody with, uh, strange gifts to myself, I relate.
25:40Uh, isn't there something you can do, like, uh, robo-worm surgery or something?
25:44Physically speaking, I'm fine.
25:46It's all in my damn head.
25:48At least I don't have to worry about that anymore.
25:50Oh, yeah?
25:51Why is that?
25:51Skip said I got one more start.
25:54I'm done.
25:55Oh, shit.
25:57Rocket, here's, uh, they're going out with a bang, huh?
26:00It's Russ, please.
26:01And thanks until we meet again.
26:03Okay.
26:03Until we meet again.
26:05Cheers, cheers.
26:08Oh, so that's it, huh?
26:10Yep, they're giving me one more start, then off to the pasture.
26:17Oh!
26:19Deputy ball girl, that's you!
26:21We've got ourselves an old-fashioned pitcher's team.
26:24Can the unorthodox young Felix Domingo continue?
26:28Oh, look at she's running, she's running!
26:30Clean up job, deputy.
26:36Charlie Kale, I do believe you found yourself for an awarding career.
26:39I'll do it.
26:46Hey, hey!
26:58Hey, that was a heck of a first game.
27:01I, uh, I like your style, kid.
27:05Do you know that God is a verb?
27:06I did not know that.
27:10Hmm.
27:11How about some water or something?
27:14God.
27:16God isn't God.
27:17No.
27:18You know, like, not, not like the way that we were taught.
27:21See, God is the music of the spheres.
27:26The symphonic echo of radical love between all living things.
27:31Oh, boy.
27:32Hey, uh, would you mind?
27:35Hmm.
27:36Oh, you know what I should do is get your autograph,
27:42because of what you were throwing out there today.
27:44Oh, boy, yeah.
27:45You're headed for the big leagues.
27:47I'm quitting the game.
27:49Huh?
27:51Because none of this matters.
27:52You know, like, who wins, who loses is God.
27:59And the monkeys matter.
28:03Hmm.
28:05I really think you should drink some of that.
28:07Oh.
28:08Hey, you have a retirement fund or a side hustle,
28:11crypto trading or something?
28:13Well, money.
28:14Don't overthink it.
28:17When inspiration smacks, listen.
28:20You smack inspiration.
28:22Although they do say that it's actually the, uh,
28:25the second smack that gets you, so.
28:27Hmm.
28:29What's that mean?
28:30I have no idea, but, uh, hydrate.
28:33Thank you, ball girl, for sharing your wisdom.
28:36Yes, of course, any time.
28:37And, uh, well, good luck coming down off
28:39whatever you're coming down from.
28:41All right.
28:42I don't take anything.
28:45Me neither.
28:47Officer, okay, Godspeed.
28:53Godspeed.
28:55Godspeed.
28:56Godspeed.
29:12Godspeed.
29:26Godspeed.
29:27Godspeed.
29:28Godspeed.
29:29Godspeed.
29:29Godspeed.
29:30Godspeed.
29:30Godspeed.
29:31Godspeed.
29:31Godspeed.
29:32Godspeed.
29:32Godspeed.
29:33Godspeed.
29:33Godspeed.
29:34Godspeed.
29:34Godspeed.
29:35Godspeed.
29:35Godspeed.
29:36Godspeed.
29:36Godspeed.
29:37Godspeed.
29:38Godspeed.
29:38Godspeed.
29:39Godspeed.
29:39Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum
30:09Charlie Kale, the wand, the wand, the wand, it's up to you to save this ballpark, to save
30:24this team, it is, why, because baseball is not just a game, it is the secret of the spheres,
30:39you, god, I am Hiram Lubinsky, inventor of velvety canned cheese substitute spread, now available
30:58in jalapeno and spicy seafood flavors, oh, I get it, I, the mascot is you, I'm the founder
31:08of this ballpark, as well as its spiritual guardian, go, baseball is not just a pastime,
31:15it is the passing of Tom himself, Tommy Wanderer, is it any coincidence that the goal of every
31:23kid is to return safely to home, this ballpark is home, without it the people of Montgomery
31:36would be lost, and my granddaughter, Lucille, would be bereft, with no community, without
31:46any sense of belonging, do you know what that is like, Charlie?
31:50yes, yes, I, I, I do, then help us, protect this ballpark, and save this team, from what,
32:04from who, come home, Wanderer, every soul seeks to be safe, at home,
32:14hmmmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm,
32:39Oh, Charlie?
32:40I had kingdom for some electrolytes.
32:43Charlie, come!
32:45What in the world happened last night?
32:58Oh, my God, what happened?
33:00The new guy stayed late last night to take some extra BP.
33:03He tried using Rambo.
33:06He got hit in the back of the head with the fastball.
33:11I knew I should have had that machine replaced.
33:13I knew that.
33:14I found him this morning.
33:17So Rambo killed Felix?
33:20Well, who looks that way?
33:23Lucille, I hate to bring that up, but...
33:25What?
33:26You could be looking at a wrongful death lawsuit.
33:29Big one.
33:31That'll be it.
33:32We got shut down the park to have moved the team.
33:35It's the only family I got left.
33:37Oh, no, we're not going to let that happen.
33:39Everybody knew the machine was faulty.
33:42It is my fault.
33:45So, hypothetically speaking, if Felix...
33:49We know he was a good kid, but if Felix here was high
33:53while he was using the equipment,
33:55would that alleviate some of this liability?
33:58Well, I guess it would.
34:01Why?
34:03Well, I think his gun was laced.
34:07Well, if he was on drugs, it's easy enough to check.
34:11It is?
34:12Yeah.
34:13Simple reagent test.
34:14Oh.
34:16Retired cop.
34:17Okay.
34:19Ah, well.
34:20Hmm.
34:21All right.
34:21Terrific.
34:30Negative.
34:31No sound of drugs.
34:32Wait, what?
34:33Gosh, man, I know why I was tripping so hard,
34:36and we all saw Felix on that mound.
34:37It was like a guy at a fish concert at the Sphere.
34:40I mean, come on, he was tripping.
34:42Jeez.
34:43Honey.
34:43What?
34:44I appreciate your concern,
34:46but the last thing I want to do
34:48is sully this kid's reputation.
34:52I've done enough damage already.
34:54Lucille, this is not on you.
34:56We're going to figure this out, okay?
34:58I talked to Felix.
34:59He told me he was straight.
35:00He wasn't lying.
35:01Something is amiss.
35:03We'll have more on Felix Domingo
35:05as the story develops.
35:07Skip.
35:08I love a start to the day.
35:11You need something?
35:13Yeah, I do.
35:14I sure do.
35:16So, Felix, last night's game,
35:19just a gut check.
35:21He look all right, too?
35:22He looked great.
35:24He was higher than a fly on Willie Nelson's wall.
35:26Yeah.
35:27But whatever it takes,
35:28I mean, I don't judge.
35:30I mean, I'm working on not judging.
35:33Something I'm working on.
35:35It's not all sad news today.
35:37Some lucky citizen has won
35:39three million dollars
35:40betting on last night's
35:41historic cheesemonger loss.
35:43A five-game parlay
35:44and 22-1 odds
35:45was cashed in at a...
35:46Sad, isn't it?
35:49Used to be fans actually rooted
35:50for the home team.
35:52Win or lose,
35:53we're all in it together.
35:55Now it's all about the odds,
35:56and working the angles.
35:58Get him rich by expecting the worst.
36:05Hey, me.
36:06Hi.
36:07Uh, hiya.
36:09Carl, uh,
36:10can I ask you a question?
36:12Yeah.
36:12Uh, do you know
36:14if anyone had a, uh,
36:16a grudge against Felix?
36:17Because I, uh,
36:18I, uh,
36:19I think someone spiked his gum.
36:20Why would anybody have it out
36:22for the new guy?
36:22Oh, wow.
36:25Super cool.
36:26Is that a,
36:27that's a new grill, huh?
36:28Is it solid gold?
36:30My aunt died,
36:31let me real big in hair touch.
36:33Hair bullshit.
36:35I want it playing trivia
36:36down at the, uh, pub.
36:38Obvious bullshit.
36:38I don't even need
36:39my special thing for that one.
36:40Whoa.
36:41What you bothering me for?
36:42I'm just a ball player.
36:44A regular minor league ball player.
36:46Yeah, yeah.
36:47No, I, uh,
36:48I know you are.
36:53Nobody wanted the kid
36:54to get hurt, right?
36:57Right.
36:58Obviously, yeah.
36:59No, obviously not.
37:00It's just, uh,
37:01you did, right?
37:04You, you spiked his gum.
37:06Just to get him
37:07out the game, no.
37:08And then he went
37:09and fucked around with Rambo
37:10and the whole thing
37:11was a freak accident.
37:13I mean, I feel bad about it.
37:15Really.
37:16I believe you.
37:17I do.
37:18I, I just, um,
37:19I'm trying to square,
37:21you know what?
37:21I mean, here's Felix.
37:22He's throwing a no-hitter.
37:24Why would you want
37:24him out the game?
37:26Strip club after the game, fellas.
37:29Hell yeah.
37:29Oh, yeah.
37:30Drinks on your butt.
37:34What's good, ball girl?
37:38I see.
37:40They spiked the gum
37:41that killed Felix
37:41so that they could, uh,
37:42lose the game
37:43and win the bet.
37:44It's not like we're talking
37:44criminal masterminds here.
37:46All they gotta do
37:46is check these guys' bank accounts.
37:48Yeah, but you need
37:49a search warrant
37:49to check a bank account.
37:51Right now,
37:52there isn't enough evidence
37:53to get one.
37:54I, I, I don't understand.
37:56They're just gonna let
37:56the ballpark close?
37:57That doesn't seem right.
37:58I mean,
37:59what about an autopsy?
38:00There's gotta be
38:00some kind of, uh,
38:01evidence of what kind
38:03of drug it was
38:04that they put inside
38:04Felix's gum, no?
38:06Well, I asked my old partner
38:07to send me a copy
38:08of the report.
38:09It should be getting
38:09here any minute.
38:13Okay,
38:14here's the autopsy report.
38:16Let's see.
38:18Uh, yep.
38:20Death with blunt force trauma.
38:23Let's see.
38:23Do they even do
38:24a tox report?
38:27Could I take a look at that?
38:29Sure, I'll be my guest.
38:30Oh, thanks.
38:31I want to save
38:35that ballpark too,
38:36you know.
38:37My old man
38:38used to take me there
38:39every weekend.
38:41There's nothing better
38:42than a Sunday
38:43doubleheader with your pops.
38:46Well,
38:47I don't even really know
38:48what I'm looking at here,
38:49but I think it says here
38:50the ball was going over
38:51a hundred miles an hour?
38:53What's that?
38:53The ball that killed Felix.
38:55According to this
38:56coroner's report,
38:57it looks like the
38:58skull fracture
38:59was caused by
39:01a ball
39:02that was over
39:03a hundred miles an hour.
39:05Wow.
39:06I didn't think Rambo
39:08had that kind of speed in him.
39:09No shit, Benny.
39:10No shit.
39:14Ah, sheesh.
39:15Come on, Rambo,
39:17you Cold War relic.
39:18You can do better than that.
39:20Concentrate, concentrate.
39:22Let her rip.
39:26Hey.
39:27Oh.
39:28Benny said you wanted to talk?
39:30Yeah, hi.
39:31Hey, Russ.
39:31Quick question.
39:33Is there anyone
39:33on either team
39:34that can throw over a hundred?
39:36Anyone that throws that fast
39:37and not doing it here,
39:39that's a ticket to the show.
39:42Yeah.
39:43That's what I thought.
39:44Why do you want to know?
39:45It's just the coroner,
39:46you know,
39:47he had mentioned
39:47that the fastball
39:48that killed Felix,
39:49well, it was going over a hundred
39:52at least,
39:52and we all know
39:53that Rambo here
39:54can't do that,
39:55and you can't either,
39:56so...
39:57Thanks a lot.
39:58No, I'm sorry.
39:59I didn't mean to like that.
40:00It's just, you know,
40:01the other day you had said
40:01that you lost your fastball
40:03and you hadn't been able
40:03to throw over 90
40:04for years now,
40:05so, uh,
40:06you weren't lying.
40:08I don't know.
40:09I mean, just all things considered,
40:11and I figured
40:12you were the guy to ask.
40:14Thinking to myself,
40:15I mean,
40:15what am I overlooking,
40:16you know?
40:17Look, I gotta go home
40:18and get some shut-eye,
40:19all right?
40:19I'm pitching my last game tomorrow.
40:21Hey, how about
40:23after the game,
40:24I buy you a round
40:26to celebrate your victory,
40:28huh?
40:29I'd like that.
40:30I'm not counting on it,
40:31but I'd like it.
40:32Never say die.
40:34This is the end
40:35of the road for me.
40:37Like you said,
40:38my fastball's gone
40:39and it's not coming back.
40:42Bullshit.
40:44I wish it was, Charlie.
40:46I wish it was.
40:48Heh.
41:02I don't have to remind
41:03any of you
41:04that this is Russ's
41:06last game.
41:08It's probably our team's
41:09last game
41:10in this great park.
41:12So let's go out there
41:14and stop this losing streak.
41:17Yeah.
41:18Yeah.
41:19Let's win for Russ.
41:21Yeah.
41:21Let's fucking go, Rocky.
41:23For Felix.
41:26For the Lubinsky family.
41:28Yeah.
41:28And for these fans
41:30who have suffered with us
41:32for all these goddamn years.
41:34Yeah.
41:34Yeah.
41:35And while we're at it,
41:37let's win one
41:38for good old-fashioned monogamy.
41:41Woo!
41:43Yeah!
41:47Hey, so what was it?
41:49What was what?
41:50Well, you know,
41:52what cleared your head
41:52and got you that, uh,
41:54your fastball back?
41:56What?
41:57Well, uh,
41:58the other night at the pub,
41:59you know,
41:59you said that you lost
42:00your fastball
42:01and it was the truth,
42:01but then last night
42:02you said the same thing
42:03and it was a lie.
42:04So sometime in between,
42:05something happened
42:06that fixed that mental block
42:07and got you your fastball back.
42:09What was it?
42:11Charlie?
42:12No offense,
42:13but you sound
42:14batshit crazy right now.
42:15Well,
42:16Curry's on the table.
42:17I know that you guys
42:18have been throwing
42:19these last few games
42:20and I also know
42:21that you're Spike Felix's gum.
42:22Your buddy Carl admitted it.
42:24Jesus, Carl.
42:26Gotta say,
42:27I didn't think
42:28you were involved.
42:29Nah,
42:29cause you know,
42:30you didn't play
42:30during those last five losses
42:32that scored you
42:33the big payout
42:34and also cause
42:34I liked you.
42:36But then,
42:37and then I put it together.
42:39You were supposed
42:40to start that last game,
42:41not Felix.
42:42That's why the guys
42:43were trying to get him out
42:44and get you in.
42:46Alright, fine.
42:47We threw those last few games,
42:49so what?
42:49Have you seen our record?
42:51We were gonna lose anyway.
42:52Gosh,
42:53cashing in
42:54on your own failure.
42:57That's where you ended up.
42:59So you're born
43:00with this
43:01one in a million gift
43:02and then,
43:04what?
43:04You throw it all away
43:05like a total
43:07fucking loser.
43:12Uh-huh.
43:13I see.
43:16See,
43:16that's what Felix
43:17told you the night
43:17you murdered him.
43:19And that's what got you
43:20your hundred mile
43:21per hour
43:22fastball back.
43:24Hearing the truth.
43:25I'm about to go prove
43:27in front of a stadium
43:28full of people
43:29that I'm all washed up
43:31with nothing left
43:32in this arm.
43:33So you got nothing,
43:34ball girl.
43:35Why don't you go
43:35sit your nosy ass down
43:37and enjoy our final loss?
43:39Yeah.
43:40Oh,
43:41before I forget,
43:43there's this, uh,
43:44a big league
43:45scout in the stands?
43:48Bullshit.
43:49Pathetic.
43:50All right,
43:50all right,
43:51all right,
43:51all right.
43:52Why would a scout
43:53be at a cheesemonger's game?
43:54Skip said something
43:55about an open roster slot
43:58and needing some
43:58bullpen heat
43:59there in the show,
44:00whatever that means.
44:01Anyway,
44:02I probably shouldn't
44:03have said anything.
44:04I don't want to get
44:04in your head.
44:18Your starting picture.
44:23For the very last time,
44:26our hometown hero,
44:28Rocket Russ Waddell.
44:34Rocket Russ Waddell
44:43ready for his first pitch.
44:46The entire ballpark
44:47has been in their seats,
44:50hoping for one more flash
44:52of a classic Rocket heat.
44:54Hey, better, better, better,
45:15better, better,
45:16better.
45:16All right, everybody up.
45:36Let's go.
45:37Rock it!
45:38Rock it!
45:39Rock it!
45:40Rock it!
45:41Rock it!
45:42Rock it!
45:43Rock it!
45:44Rock it!
45:45Rock it!
45:46Rock it!
45:47Rock it!
45:48Rock it!
45:50Rock it!
45:54Rock it!
46:07Break!
46:08I want all exits guarded.
46:30Ballgirl was right.
46:31Our suspect is Rocket Russell Waddell.
46:34Copy that.
46:35We'll cover the exits.
46:36Go ahead and go ahead.
46:38Go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead