- 5 months ago
- #christmasmovie
Ted and Andre are two friends who are down on their luck and have no plans for Christmas. Late one December night, they are visited by a strange guest with an unusual request for help.
#christmasmovie
#christmasmovie
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TVTranscript
00:00:30Oh, there it is.
00:01:00December 21st.
00:01:02You know, that's really where it all began.
00:01:06The year that I was saying.
00:01:09Hey, Ted.
00:01:26Hey, Andre.
00:01:27I'm decorating the house.
00:01:30Really?
00:01:33What is it?
00:01:34It's a mug.
00:01:37Did you return this for me?
00:01:39Yeah.
00:01:41So, uh, what you been up to?
00:01:43Nothing, really.
00:01:44My mom wired me some more money so I can stay out here.
00:01:46Nice.
00:01:47No, no, not really.
00:01:48I would have liked to go home for the holidays this year.
00:01:51But she doesn't want you there.
00:01:53Right.
00:01:54Sorry about that, man.
00:01:55Eh, no worries.
00:01:56Now, we can hang out for the holidays there, huh?
00:01:58True!
00:01:59Yeah.
00:02:00So, where do you want to go tonight?
00:02:03Uh, I don't know.
00:02:04Where do you want to go?
00:02:05Well, we usually just go to the diner.
00:02:07I don't know if I want to go there tonight.
00:02:09Why not?
00:02:10Two guys, going to the diner, like usual.
00:02:12Yeah, but there's all those mall Santas.
00:02:16Uh, yeah.
00:02:17So then, where do you want to go?
00:02:19Uh, what about the Italian restaurant down the street?
00:02:22Yeah, I mean, we can go there.
00:02:23I have gift cards for that place anyway.
00:02:25Perfect.
00:02:26All right.
00:02:26What time?
00:02:27Uh, why don't we do about six?
00:02:29I'll try.
00:02:30Uh, okay.
00:02:31I mean, I don't really like parking the thing anyways, so.
00:02:33I'm more bothered by the fact that when you stop that vehicle at a red light all the seniors trying to get on.
00:02:38Eh, that's, that's, yeah, that too.
00:02:41Then I'll see you tonight.
00:02:42Yeah, I'll, uh, I'll see you then.
00:02:46Ted?
00:02:47Yeah?
00:02:48Try not to fall again.
00:02:50What are you talking about?
00:02:51I didn't fall.
00:02:53Nerd.
00:03:08No, that's definitely not your fault.
00:03:18Yeah, that's why we take photos of the packages.
00:03:19There's a lot of people that steal them this time of year.
00:03:21Really?
00:03:22And you got in trouble for it.
00:03:23Yeah, dude.
00:03:24All of us guys did.
00:03:25That stinks.
00:03:26Yeah, man.
00:03:27But, on a more important note, I was wondering if you wanted to meet me and, uh, my stepdad at the Italian seasoning restaurant tomorrow night.
00:03:39Your stepdad?
00:03:40Yeah.
00:03:40Well, that's awesome.
00:03:41It's also the same restaurant we're going to tonight.
00:03:43Uh, yeah, he's the one who decided to go there.
00:03:46Huh.
00:03:47I thought you guys didn't talk.
00:03:48Well, I haven't seen him in a while, and he contacted me over social media and said he wanted to catch up.
00:03:53That's great.
00:03:53No, not really. I, uh, I don't want to go.
00:03:56Why not?
00:03:56Because I don't like him, and I don't really know him either.
00:03:59What about your mom?
00:04:00She's not going to be there. She's back at home.
00:04:02Really?
00:04:03Yeah.
00:04:04At least you get to go eat at a fancy restaurant for free.
00:04:08Yeah, but, uh, I have to pay for it.
00:04:12Why?
00:04:13Because he was being all smug about it and said he wanted to pay.
00:04:16So I had to insist that I would cover it.
00:04:18Well, that's on you.
00:04:19I know.
00:04:20Melanie!
00:04:22Long time no see.
00:04:23You came in yesterday with a girl.
00:04:26That's actually...
00:04:27That's right, I did.
00:04:28I came in here yesterday with a girl.
00:04:30Ted, you went on a date?
00:04:32Oh, yeah.
00:04:33Yes, I did.
00:04:34How'd it go?
00:04:35Fantastic, actually.
00:04:36You know, it couldn't have gone any better.
00:04:37Wow.
00:04:38I'm proud of you.
00:04:39Well, what can I say?
00:04:41People around here call me Mr. Romantic.
00:04:43It's just a name that's kind of stuck, you know?
00:04:45Is that why she splashed water on you and walked out?
00:04:49That's right.
00:04:50What can I get you?
00:04:53Table for two.
00:04:54Okay.
00:04:55And should I put it under Mr. Romantic?
00:04:58This will be your table.
00:05:02Dave will be your waiter and he'll be here momentarily.
00:05:06All right.
00:05:07Hey, hey.
00:05:08Wait a minute.
00:05:11Do we look classy?
00:05:12You look fine.
00:05:17The reason I ask is because, uh, we're about to take part in a business meeting worth billions
00:05:22of dollars.
00:05:23How cool.
00:05:25Yeah.
00:05:25You can spread the word around if you want.
00:05:27You know, let those folks over there know.
00:05:30Right.
00:05:34What was that about?
00:05:36Well, now they think we're rich.
00:05:37And in a business meeting.
00:05:39See, around here they know me as a kind of big shot.
00:05:44The loser's back.
00:05:46So, what time are we meeting your stepdad tomorrow?
00:05:48Seven.
00:05:49Cool.
00:05:50Not really.
00:05:51I'm kind of dreading it.
00:05:53Why?
00:05:53Because he's, uh, he's not my real dad.
00:05:55Well, you don't know your real dad.
00:05:57So he could be.
00:05:58No.
00:05:59Well, he could be.
00:05:59Ted, he's just...
00:06:01No.
00:06:01Okay.
00:06:02Yeah.
00:06:04Oh.
00:06:04Hi, my name is Jay.
00:06:08I'll be your waiter today.
00:06:10Cool.
00:06:10Can I get you guys' names?
00:06:12Well, I'm Ted, and this is my associate Andre.
00:06:14Ted, it's nice to meet you.
00:06:16And Andre?
00:06:17No.
00:06:18More of a handshake guy?
00:06:19Respect it.
00:06:20Nice sweater, by the way!
00:06:22I would love to wear sweaters, but I can't because my mom used to wear them.
00:06:26But she's dead now.
00:06:27Anyway, where can I get you guys' drink?
00:06:35I'll have a soda.
00:06:37Good choice.
00:06:37Yeah, I'll have a glass of champagne, on the other hand.
00:06:40You guys need a minute to decide on what to eat?
00:06:42Yes, please.
00:06:42On one personal note, which tie should I wear?
00:06:45Which tie?
00:06:45Yeah, which tie should I wear on my date tonight?
00:06:48The second.
00:06:49Really?
00:06:50No, I think more the third.
00:06:51That's what I was thinking.
00:06:52You done?
00:06:52Yeah.
00:06:53Not you, him.
00:06:54Well, have you decided on what to eat yet?
00:06:55No.
00:06:56No, we'll decide after you leave.
00:06:58Okay, I'll go get your drinks.
00:06:59Yeah.
00:07:04Typical, we go to a classy restaurant, we get him as our waiter.
00:07:07Yeah, I know it.
00:07:08That guy belongs in a fast food place.
00:07:10Yeah, in the back.
00:07:11Cooking.
00:07:12Quietly.
00:07:13So, uh, tell me again.
00:07:14Why don't you like your dad?
00:07:16I mean, he's never really cared about me.
00:07:18The only time he seemed to like me is when he's trying to get me to convince my mom to stay with him.
00:07:22Waiter.
00:07:23Are they breaking up?
00:07:25Maybe.
00:07:26They've been fighting a lot.
00:07:28So you don't know?
00:07:29He was also the one to convince my mom not to let me move back in with him.
00:07:33Well, thank God for that.
00:07:35Otherwise, I'd have no one to hang out with.
00:07:37Great.
00:07:38What do you mean?
00:07:39I want to go back home.
00:07:42Well, can we eat first?
00:07:43I'm kind of hungry.
00:07:45No, Ted.
00:07:46Back to Ohio.
00:07:48Well, what will I do?
00:07:49We could stay in touch over the internet.
00:07:50Great.
00:07:51I can tell you all about how lonely I am.
00:07:53Well, why don't you hang out with some friends?
00:07:55What about the, uh, guys at the bowling alley?
00:07:57I hate all those guys.
00:07:59Well, haven't you ever thought about going back home?
00:08:01Where?
00:08:02Back to California.
00:08:03No, it's overpopulated.
00:08:05My mother could care less about me.
00:08:07It's different for you.
00:08:09Your mother likes you.
00:08:10Yeah, until she married that jerk.
00:08:12Is he really that bad?
00:08:13You let some man marry your mother and we'll see how you like it.
00:08:16Well, my mom hates me, so maybe he'd help change her mind.
00:08:18Here you guys are.
00:08:21I just, I just feel like if you're moving away, you should tell me.
00:08:24You shouldn't just leave me with the guys from the bowling alley.
00:08:26And I don't see how that's any of your business.
00:08:28Are you guys together?
00:08:29Yeah, I got it.
00:08:30No, no, not Ted.
00:08:31Not, no, we're not together.
00:08:32No, but I am paying for this.
00:08:34I got you.
00:08:37You wanted soda, didn't you?
00:08:38Yeah, let me get that for you.
00:08:40Wait, wait.
00:08:41Oh, my God.
00:08:41Let me get that for you.
00:08:42I better get it.
00:08:43I'm so sorry.
00:08:44I really hope that doesn't happen to my date tonight.
00:08:46I have a date every, every weekend.
00:08:48It's always on Fridays and tonight's date night.
00:08:50I don't care.
00:08:52Have you just had on something to eat today?
00:08:54I'd like something to drink first.
00:08:56Anything you want.
00:08:56I'm the house.
00:08:57I will have a soda and make it fast.
00:08:59Coming right up.
00:09:04I'm going to go to the bathroom and clean up.
00:09:06Order spaghetti for me.
00:09:18You okay there?
00:09:41What do you mean?
00:09:41Well, you seem kind of mad.
00:09:45Idiots should get in trouble for that.
00:09:47Yeah.
00:09:47He also keeps acting like we're friends or something.
00:09:50Yeah.
00:09:50It's kind of creepy, honestly, the way he's always watching us.
00:09:54No, he's not.
00:09:55Really?
00:10:00Kitchen door.
00:10:00I'm going to have some cream in there and some sugar.
00:10:12Take it.
00:10:13It's for you.
00:10:14I'm not thirsty.
00:10:15I'm hungry, maybe.
00:10:17No, no, no, no.
00:10:18Last night I'll be eating.
00:10:19What?
00:10:49Well, that's not so bad.
00:11:12Hello?
00:11:17Who's there?
00:11:19Who are you?
00:11:26Show yourself.
00:11:33Santa?
00:11:34Santa, it's so great to meet you.
00:11:36Yeah, it's nice to meet you, Ted.
00:11:38It's nice to actually talk to somebody.
00:11:39What do you mean?
00:11:40Well, I've been watching you forever and, well, I guess it kind of seems kind of creepy.
00:11:45So, I guess it's nice to actually see you face to face.
00:11:49Uh, okay.
00:11:50My back's hurting.
00:11:51I need, I gotta sit down.
00:11:55Oh, yeah.
00:11:57Sorry.
00:11:58Dude.
00:11:59Dude.
00:12:00Can I get you anything?
00:12:01Yeah, I could use some water.
00:12:03Yeah.
00:12:07Here, I got your milk.
00:12:08Okay.
00:12:09I thought you'd like it more.
00:12:11Uh, thanks.
00:12:12Uh, is it 3%?
00:12:134.
00:12:14Oh, good, good, good.
00:12:15Would you like a cookie?
00:12:16Why, yes.
00:12:17Here you are.
00:12:22Oh, yes.
00:12:23Well, thank you.
00:12:24Anyways, I was wondering, what are your plans for Christmas this year?
00:12:27Well, I don't really know.
00:12:28I watch you all the time.
00:12:30I know you don't have any plans.
00:12:31Anyways, I just, I'm looking for somebody to help me out this year in delivering some presents.
00:12:36You want me to help you deliver gifts?
00:12:39Oh, no.
00:12:40We wouldn't work together.
00:12:42No.
00:12:42No, I would never do that, no.
00:12:44But, you know, I need somebody to help me deliver a few presents this year.
00:12:49I don't know if you noticed, but over the years, I've kind of got a little fatter.
00:12:53No.
00:12:54Yes, well, this excessive indulgence is kind of getting the better of me over the years.
00:13:00And, uh, I don't know if you've noticed, but I've kind of lost some of my agility and speed.
00:13:07I'm sorry to hear that.
00:13:08Well, yes, casualties.
00:13:10Anyway, I was wondering if you'd be willing to help me out with some local deliveries in the area.
00:13:18Local deliveries around the area?
00:13:20You always make fun of the way people talk?
00:13:24No, sir.
00:13:25Mm-hmm.
00:13:26So why me?
00:13:27Why not anyone else?
00:13:29Well, actually, I gotta ask, have you ever visited kids for real, or are they all just mall Santas?
00:13:36I don't do any of that.
00:13:38There was one kid that I visited.
00:13:40Was it the kid that you ate?
00:13:48What are you doing?
00:13:50Nothing.
00:13:51Oh, come on.
00:13:52Don't put me on the naughty list.
00:13:53That's none of your business.
00:13:54Oh, come on.
00:13:55Please.
00:13:56Not your business?
00:13:57Look, just tell me about the deliveries.
00:13:58Well, I got a small list here.
00:14:05I was wondering if you'd be willing to deliver these gifts to these names at these addresses
00:14:10on Christmas Eve.
00:14:12Five houses?
00:14:13It'll only take all night.
00:14:15I don't know.
00:14:16It's Christmas Eve night.
00:14:17And you don't have any friends or family anyway.
00:14:19Wow.
00:14:23What?
00:14:23Am I wrong?
00:14:24No.
00:14:25No.
00:14:25That's fair.
00:14:27So, you're doing it, right?
00:14:29I don't know.
00:14:32There's the addresses.
00:14:34Did you look at the list?
00:14:35They're right there.
00:14:36Next to the name.
00:14:37And what they want.
00:14:39They're on the list as well.
00:14:41And, you know, cost money to buy them.
00:14:43Here, here's a hundred dollars.
00:14:51Well, it might be more.
00:14:54Here, this ought to cover it.
00:14:58Well, you know, I still haven't agreed yet.
00:15:00Well, will you?
00:15:02I don't know.
00:15:03Well, there's one other thing.
00:15:04What?
00:15:05You need a friend to go with you.
00:15:10What?
00:15:10Why?
00:15:12To be your elf, I guess.
00:15:13Wait, so that means I'd be Santa?
00:15:17No, I'm Santa, stupid.
00:15:19You'd just be some higher up, freakishly tall, big nose, red cheek, long forehead elf.
00:15:24No, I'm Santa.
00:15:26Fine.
00:15:27You're Santa for like five people.
00:15:30Will you do it?
00:15:32What's five people in the long run for you anyway?
00:15:35I think you should help these people.
00:15:37Why?
00:15:38Because you're the one that I need.
00:15:40Again, why?
00:15:41I don't want to say yet.
00:15:42But I'm sure it'll be evident enough if you follow through.
00:15:46Well, how will I convince Andre to help me anyway?
00:15:49Well, he's your friend.
00:15:51That's your problem.
00:15:52I just need you to commit.
00:15:54All right.
00:15:54I'll deliver your stupid gifts.
00:15:56Thank you, Ted.
00:15:58Sure.
00:15:58You won't regret this.
00:16:00No, I will.
00:16:01When I'm stupid tired Christmas morning.
00:16:03How will I get into all these places?
00:16:05Must I do everything?
00:16:06No, no, I got it.
00:16:08Are you sure?
00:16:09Because I can help you.
00:16:10Well, how do I get into all these places?
00:16:12Of course.
00:16:13I'm very busy this time of year.
00:16:15I'm fine.
00:16:16I'll figure it out.
00:16:18Oh, thank you.
00:16:20Yeah.
00:16:21You won't regret this.
00:16:23Sure.
00:16:28See you.
00:16:30Bye.
00:16:31Hello?
00:16:40Hey, man.
00:16:41Did I wake you?
00:16:42No, I was just having the strangest dream.
00:16:45Oh, good.
00:16:46Well, I just wanted to mention to you that if you could get to the restaurant early, I would
00:16:50appreciate that.
00:16:51I've been meaning to talk to you about my plans this year, and I didn't want to do it
00:16:55over the phone, so if that's all right...
00:16:57Yeah, I can...
00:16:58Great, then.
00:16:59Uh, will I see you, say, half an hour early?
00:17:03Yeah, that sounds good, man.
00:17:04I gotta go now.
00:17:06All right, well, I'll see you then.
00:17:27Ted.
00:17:29Hey.
00:17:38How you doing?
00:17:40Good.
00:17:40I, uh, I have to talk to you.
00:17:42About what?
00:17:43So I talked to my mom, and, uh, I might be able to go down and hang out with her for Christmas.
00:17:50What?
00:17:51Christmas in Ohio.
00:17:52That's just great.
00:17:53And what will I do?
00:17:54I don't know.
00:17:55You don't know or you don't care.
00:17:57I mean, both?
00:17:59Now that's not fair.
00:18:00How is that not fair?
00:18:01I've hung out with you, and I've been your only friend all this time, and now you're just
00:18:05going to leave?
00:18:05I have other friends.
00:18:09Are they imaginary?
00:18:10No.
00:18:10They're back home in Ohio.
00:18:12Look at it from my perspective, will you?
00:18:14Okay?
00:18:14I'm not moving back just yet.
00:18:16It's only for Christmas.
00:18:17Yet?
00:18:18I plan to move back sometime.
00:18:19Don't you remember when I talked to you about moving on?
00:18:22Yeah, but I thought you were talking about death or disease or going on a vacation or
00:18:25something.
00:18:25I don't plan on living here forever.
00:18:27So that's just it?
00:18:28You just up and leave?
00:18:29Just for Christmas.
00:18:31Yeah, and what will I do?
00:18:32Go to the bowling alley.
00:18:36I don't want to.
00:18:37Why not?
00:18:38I hate all those guys.
00:18:39What about Greg?
00:18:41Well, I like Greg, but I'm not fond of the others.
00:18:44And we had this conversation last night.
00:18:45What did you think was going to happen?
00:18:47I just always thought that I'd be the one to get a real life first, not you.
00:18:53Okay, there's two things wrong with that statement.
00:18:55First off, you should be living your life right now, in the moment, not wasting it.
00:19:00And second off, what?
00:19:02What's what?
00:19:03You complained that I'm going to go away for Christmas, yet you're planning on just
00:19:07going up and leaving at some point?
00:19:09I do have more money.
00:19:11You really are, child.
00:19:13No, I'm not.
00:19:14What did you do last night?
00:19:16Watch a kid's show?
00:19:17No.
00:19:17I talked with Santa Claus.
00:19:19Oh, dear.
00:19:20It's not how it sounds.
00:19:21I don't want to know.
00:19:23It actually is pretty important.
00:19:25It's not how it sounds?
00:19:26It is.
00:19:27Look, my stepdad's going to be here any minute.
00:19:29Can you just not mention anything about Christmas?
00:19:32Why not?
00:19:33My mom said it was fine, as long as he said it was fine.
00:19:36So can you just please not mess this up for me?
00:19:40The thought hadn't crossed my mind.
00:19:44I just don't know.
00:19:45If I think of something, I have to say it.
00:19:48What's that supposed to mean?
00:19:49I just don't know that I won't accidentally say something.
00:19:53I say something I'm not supposed to.
00:19:56I just don't know.
00:19:57Come on, Ted.
00:19:58I don't know.
00:19:59Don't put that pressure on me.
00:20:00If you're a real friend to me, you won't say anything about this.
00:20:03Right.
00:20:07Look, here he comes.
00:20:08Can you just not mention anything that would make him not want me to go to Ohio for Christmas?
00:20:12Ohio's stupid.
00:20:13Okay, okay, okay.
00:20:14It's nowhere near as cool as California.
00:20:16Just don't say anything!
00:20:21Hello, Andre.
00:20:22Been a while.
00:20:23Phil, how you been?
00:20:25Good, thanks.
00:20:26Good.
00:20:26Phil, this is my friend Ted.
00:20:30Ted?
00:20:31Nice to meet you.
00:20:32Pleasure.
00:20:33I don't know what you were talking about, Andre.
00:20:35Phil seems like a pretty nice guy to me.
00:20:39Ted, you're a funny guy.
00:20:43Remind me to use that sometime.
00:20:47So, shall we, uh, shall we sit?
00:20:51Sure.
00:20:51Fine.
00:21:03Well, Phil, uh, Andre's told me a lot about you.
00:21:07All good, I hope.
00:21:08Yeah, it was.
00:21:10Good.
00:21:11Well, shall we order?
00:21:13I don't see why not.
00:21:14Waitress!
00:21:14Hello, my name is Melanie.
00:21:19I'll be your waitress today.
00:21:22What can I get you?
00:21:23Uh, I'll have the, uh...
00:21:25I'll have a glass of champagne.
00:21:26One glass of champagne.
00:21:28And you?
00:21:32Uh, the same.
00:21:33It's okay, Andre.
00:21:34You can order for yourself.
00:21:35I'll have a soda, then.
00:21:44Okay.
00:21:45And you?
00:21:46I'll have a free meal.
00:21:48I know you can't give me that, so instead just, you know, give me a soda.
00:21:52Soda's fine.
00:21:53Soda.
00:21:53We're all having soda.
00:21:54Except for you.
00:21:56I'll get there and be right out.
00:21:58Yeah.
00:22:02Free meal.
00:22:02So, uh, how's it going here in Maine?
00:22:06Ah, you know, same old thing day after day.
00:22:09Oh, that's not how it is in Ohio.
00:22:12In Ohio?
00:22:14Yeah, right.
00:22:14There's nothing in Ohio.
00:22:16Except for a multi-million dollar company that I own.
00:22:19You really are busy.
00:22:21What's your business?
00:22:22Toaster Insurance Agency.
00:22:24Toaster?
00:22:25You're kidding.
00:22:26No.
00:22:27You're kidding.
00:22:28No, I'm not.
00:22:30You really are rich.
00:22:31I own stock in your business, Phil.
00:22:33Oh, you do?
00:22:34Well, that's wonderful.
00:22:36It's great to meet a shareholder.
00:22:38Yeah, it is.
00:22:39I love this guy.
00:22:41So, you gotta tell me.
00:22:43How are you?
00:22:44What are your plans for Christmas?
00:22:46Hanging out with the wife and the siblings at home.
00:22:49You know, a real family Christmas, you know?
00:22:53That's great.
00:22:54That's wonderful.
00:22:55How about you?
00:22:56Oh, nothing much.
00:22:58I probably just hang out with the guys at the bowling alley.
00:23:02No family?
00:23:03No, they all live in California.
00:23:05Interesting.
00:23:06But the guys at the bowling alley, they're like family.
00:23:10Nice.
00:23:11What about you, Andre?
00:23:12What are you doing for Christmas?
00:23:14I didn't mom tell you.
00:23:16I thought we were supposed to be as a family for Christmas.
00:23:20Oh, yeah, that's right.
00:23:22But didn't I get back to you about that, though?
00:23:26Get back to me about what?
00:23:27Um, well, Phyllis and I were talking and, uh, you know, with all the relatives coming over and, and, uh, you know, for the holidays.
00:23:37And we just, we just really, uh, you know, didn't want to, you know, make you take time off from, uh, you know, your, uh, work.
00:23:46What?
00:23:47Uh, well, you know, I figure you don't have that much time.
00:23:51We don't really want, you'd have to waste it, you know, to come home.
00:23:55I'm, I'm fine with that.
00:23:56No, I, absolutely not.
00:23:58That's, that's fine.
00:24:04Uh, I got, I got to use the bathroom.
00:24:10Well, should we order?
00:24:13What?
00:24:14I know what I want.
00:24:16Yeah, just order three.
00:24:17Waitress!
00:24:34Hey, Andre.
00:24:35Leave, Ted.
00:24:37Are you okay?
00:24:39Yeah, no.
00:24:41I'll be fine.
00:24:42That's a pretty bum break you got.
00:24:48What do you care, Ted?
00:24:49Aren't we going to hang out on Christmas together?
00:24:51I mean it, though.
00:24:52I'm, I'm sorry.
00:24:55Well, what are you going to do about it?
00:25:00We, we could go back in there and push him to invite you.
00:25:03Ted, he's a businessman.
00:25:05He's used to getting what he wants.
00:25:07Well, tough.
00:25:08Come on, what do you say?
00:25:09I say I'm leaving.
00:25:15Leaving where?
00:25:16Leaving here.
00:25:17He doesn't want to hang out with me when he's at home.
00:25:19Why should I hang out with him when I'm at home?
00:25:22Well, you did agree to meet him.
00:25:23I did.
00:25:24No, that was a mistake.
00:25:27I'll see you later, Ted.
00:25:30Andre.
00:25:31Andre.
00:25:35Hey, Andre.
00:25:37Andre, come on.
00:25:38Ted, no, I'm leaving.
00:25:39Why?
00:25:40Why?
00:25:40You know why.
00:25:41I'll be at the bowling alley if you need me.
00:25:43Andre, I, I understand that this is tough, but be the bigger man.
00:25:46Ted, my own stepdad is telling me I can't spend Christmas with my mom and my family.
00:25:50I understand that.
00:25:51I understand that.
00:25:52How can you understand?
00:25:53You're worse off than I am.
00:25:54Your own direct relative would rather wire you $2,000 or spend two minutes with you on the phone.
00:26:00How can you understand where I'm coming from?
00:26:03That's not fair.
00:26:03And what's worse is you accept that as an answer.
00:26:06Being home for Christmas means that much to you.
00:26:08Why don't you just go to your mom directly and what's she going to do, kick you out?
00:26:12It's his house.
00:26:13And you're her son.
00:26:14You're such a hypocrite, you know that?
00:26:16Why don't you just go to California then?
00:26:18Because my mom couldn't care less about me, but it sounds to me like your mom does care about you.
00:26:22I'm leaving.
00:26:26Andre, Andre, come on.
00:26:28Forget, Ted.
00:26:29Now we're going to spend another Christmas at the Bowling Alley Christmas Party this year.
00:26:32I can't wait.
00:26:34Andre, don't leave your dad.
00:26:36Stepdad.
00:26:36He's been here by himself.
00:26:37He'll just think less of you.
00:26:38Forget, Ted.
00:26:39I'm going.
00:26:42I'm going.
00:26:42I'm going.
00:26:42Second thought.
00:26:54Cancel that third meal.
00:26:56Oh, has my stepson left us for the evening?
00:26:59I'm afraid so.
00:27:00Well, let's not let that bother us.
00:27:03Why not?
00:27:04Just let's eat.
00:27:06Did you order?
00:27:08Oh, yes.
00:27:09Oh, good.
00:27:10I'm pretty hungry.
00:27:12Well, now I have an extra.
00:27:14Yeah, well, it's what it is.
00:27:16Well, I'll just tell him I found a hair in it and send it back.
00:27:20That's kind of messed up.
00:27:23Well, it saves money, you know.
00:27:26No, I can't say that I do.
00:27:29Well, I guess that's why I'm the businessman.
00:27:33You know what?
00:27:34It wouldn't have killed you to invite him over for Christmas.
00:27:40Yeah, well, he missed too much of his work, you know.
00:27:45Well, he could have used vacation days.
00:27:47Well, he can't have very many of those.
00:27:51I just don't understand why he couldn't have gone over for Christmas, is all.
00:27:54Ted, look at it from my perspective.
00:27:56He's a sad, pathetic excuse of a son to his mother, and to me as a stepson.
00:28:06How would it look to all my other investors?
00:28:09Sounds like something my mother would say about me.
00:28:13But you're not poor.
00:28:15Is that the measure of someone?
00:28:16Just how much money they have?
00:28:18Well, it does impress most people.
00:28:20Oh.
00:28:22You know, I can see why Andre doesn't think very highly of you.
00:28:25Excuse me?
00:28:26You're kind of a schmuck.
00:28:28Pardon?
00:28:29You really judge everyone by their money, don't you?
00:28:31It's the way of the world.
00:28:32I just think that you're wrong.
00:28:34Well, a man is entitled to his opinion, even if he's incorrect.
00:28:39Here's your food.
00:28:41Can I get you anything else?
00:28:43No, thanks.
00:28:46Well, shall we eat?
00:28:49Well, I'm not especially hungry at the moment.
00:28:51Don't worry.
00:28:52I'll pay for it.
00:28:52Is that what you...
00:28:54Do you know how hard it will be to get this white alfredo sauce out of these gray pants?
00:29:01Buy a new one.
00:29:07You're a jerk and an idiot.
00:29:08Hi.
00:29:24Hey.
00:29:26What's up?
00:29:28Nothing, really.
00:29:32Gonna be all right?
00:29:34I think so.
00:29:35Yeah.
00:29:35Good.
00:29:37What is that?
00:29:38The meal that Phil ordered.
00:29:40Is it good?
00:29:41It's expensive.
00:29:42Haha.
00:29:43Figures.
00:29:44Yeah.
00:29:45So?
00:29:47Got any plans for Christmas, or is this it?
00:29:51Actually, something interesting happened last night.
00:29:55Oh.
00:29:56I had a visitor.
00:29:57Who?
00:29:58Santa Claus.
00:30:02Very funny.
00:30:03I mean it.
00:30:05I got a letter.
00:30:06In the mail.
00:30:07Santa gave you a letter in the mail.
00:30:08Yeah.
00:30:09Well, no.
00:30:10It was a Christmas cookie.
00:30:11In an envelope.
00:30:12What?
00:30:12So anyway, I ate it.
00:30:14Next thing I knew, Santa was in my living room.
00:30:16Talking with me.
00:30:17Santa was in your room.
00:30:18Talking to you.
00:30:19Well, no.
00:30:20It was more of a vision, really.
00:30:21Haha.
00:30:23So Santa drugged you.
00:30:26Yeah.
00:30:26Yeah, I guess so.
00:30:28And you're okay with this?
00:30:29I mean, it's Santa.
00:30:32But no, seriously.
00:30:34What happened last night?
00:30:37Well, that's it.
00:30:38I ate a cookie, passed out, and met Santa Claus.
00:30:40Okay.
00:30:41Before you had this dream of Santa.
00:30:42It wasn't a dream.
00:30:44So then what do you want to call it?
00:30:45It seemed real, yet not.
00:30:47So what?
00:30:49It's like I had control, you know?
00:30:52Oh, like a lucid dream.
00:30:53Not that either.
00:30:55It was real.
00:30:57It was like I was Mary, and he was the angel that came to visit me.
00:31:00You're kidding.
00:31:01No, I'm not.
00:31:02You're joking.
00:31:03No, I actually met Santa Claus.
00:31:05You actually believe this, don't you?
00:31:06Yes.
00:31:08What's funny is, it seemed so real.
00:31:10It was like I was Mary, and he was the angel that came to visit me.
00:31:14Don't compare yourself to Mary again.
00:31:15But we talked.
00:31:16Who?
00:31:17You and Santa?
00:31:17Yes.
00:31:19Alright.
00:31:19I got nothing better to do.
00:31:22What'd you guys talk about?
00:31:24The big man's got a job for us.
00:31:26What do you mean?
00:31:27Who's got a job for us?
00:31:28Santa Claus.
00:31:29Alright.
00:31:30What does Santa want from us?
00:31:31He wants me to help him deliver gifts this Christmas.
00:31:34To who?
00:31:35We don't know anyone.
00:31:36That's why we're celebrating Christmas here.
00:31:39Yeah, but he gave me a list.
00:31:40A list?
00:31:41Of houses to deliver gifts to in the middle of the night.
00:31:43Keep up, man.
00:31:45You're serious, aren't you?
00:31:46Dead serious.
00:31:47Why?
00:31:48Because I was asked to.
00:31:49In a dream.
00:31:50In a vision.
00:31:51That's stupid.
00:31:53How is that?
00:31:53Why?
00:31:53Because I want to do something for somebody else?
00:31:55Because that's stupid.
00:31:56Well, after about a half hour of arguing, Andre still didn't believe me.
00:32:01Oh, yeah.
00:32:01It's me again.
00:32:02Remember me?
00:32:03We talked earlier.
00:32:04Yeah.
00:32:05So, anyway, I went home and wrote Santa Claus a letter.
00:32:08I told him that even though Andre declined the invitation, I accepted.
00:32:12I couldn't let this opportunity pass me by.
00:32:14It was a chance.
00:32:15It was a chance to do something important.
00:32:45Yeah?
00:33:02Hey.
00:33:03What's up?
00:33:04Can I talk to you for a minute?
00:33:06Come on in.
00:33:07What's up?
00:33:11I, uh, think I owe you an apology.
00:33:16For what?
00:33:17For laughing at you last night.
00:33:21Don't worry about it.
00:33:23If anyone should apologize, it's that other guy, right?
00:33:26That kind of hurts.
00:33:27He didn't, he didn't know any better, and, uh, well, I do.
00:33:31You were, you were right.
00:33:34You, you saw him too?
00:33:38Yeah.
00:33:39You wouldn't believe the story.
00:33:41Oh, yeah.
00:33:42There's no way I mean that.
00:33:50Oh, yeah.
00:33:51There's no way I mean that.
00:33:54What?
00:34:09What?
00:34:10You don't believe in me?
00:34:11Huh?
00:34:12You believe in me now?
00:34:14Huh?
00:34:20You believe in me now?
00:34:21Wait, so, so he visited you in a dream, too?
00:34:25I mean, yeah, kinda, sorta.
00:34:27That's amazing.
00:34:29It's just like Joseph.
00:34:30No, Ted, it's not like Joseph.
00:34:32Yes, it is.
00:34:33I told you I had a vision, you didn't believe me, and then he visited you, too.
00:34:36Ted, this is nothing like Mary and Joseph.
00:34:38But there are Christmas miracles that happen around Christmas time.
00:34:41Yeah, Ted, this is two, two totally different things.
00:34:43Two totally different things.
00:34:44Okay.
00:34:45Yeah.
00:34:46But I, I do want to apologize to you.
00:34:49Don't worry about it.
00:34:51Don't worry about it.
00:34:52I mean, I know a lot of very important types of people.
00:34:55I just, I just, I didn't think you were telling the truth.
00:34:57I know you didn't.
00:34:58That's probably because you don't know my connections, you know.
00:35:00I know a lot of big dogs, and it's hard to keep them all straight sometimes, but I can
00:35:04understand why you get a little confused.
00:35:05Yeah.
00:35:06Yeah.
00:35:07So, you're in?
00:35:09Yeah.
00:35:10I mean, I don't really want to get treated like that again.
00:35:12Yeah, I get it.
00:35:14But, uh, let me ask you a step.
00:35:16Yeah?
00:35:17Isn't it weird that he's always watching us?
00:35:20Andre, he's probably not always watching us.
00:35:22It's just a song.
00:35:23So then, how do we know he's watching us?
00:35:26I don't know.
00:35:27Do you think he's watching us right now?
00:35:30I don't know.
00:35:32I know we can find out.
00:35:35You know that Santa's nothing but a bunch of flab.
00:35:45He's really stupid too.
00:35:47Don't you think you're pushing it a little bit, Dad?
00:35:50Kinda reminds me of a big fat monster.
00:35:53I don't know.
00:35:54Did he give you a list of all the places and details and such?
00:35:59No, he didn't say anything.
00:36:00No?
00:36:01Well, I got a list of all the places and details and such.
00:36:03I'll take a picture and I'll send it to you, okay?
00:36:05Okay.
00:36:06I mean, how are we gonna tell him that we're in, though?
00:36:08Oh.
00:36:09I wrote him a letter yesterday.
00:36:10I'm sure he won't mind if I bring you lock before you accept it, but you don't mind.
00:36:14How'd you get his address?
00:36:19They traced it to the North Pole.
00:36:22You moron.
00:36:24Get his address, Santa's address.
00:36:26Five-year-olds know that.
00:36:28Said, they throw those out.
00:36:30Really?
00:36:31Yeah, after they're done laughing at them.
00:36:33What?
00:36:36Then how am I supposed to reach him?
00:36:38I mean, he's watching us all the time, isn't he?
00:36:41That's right, John.
00:36:44St. Nick, my associate Andre, and I'd like to thank you for this opportunity to deliver gifts this year on Christmas Eve.
00:36:55And we thank you for the opportunity.
00:37:01Amen.
00:37:04This was it.
00:37:06I bought the gifts later in the afternoon.
00:37:08I read over the list and then checked it twice, you know.
00:37:10Had to make sure you had everything.
00:37:14Then I wrapped all the gifts and prepared for that evening.
00:37:19Planning is everything in this line of work.
00:37:22Hey, Ted.
00:37:23Hey, Andre.
00:37:24Do you have the list?
00:37:25I'll one-up you.
00:37:26I got the route mapped out and I got all the presents bought, packaged, and ready to go.
00:37:30Great.
00:37:31What's our route?
00:37:32Right this way, sir.
00:37:33This is our fastest and most practical route.
00:37:41You dummy!
00:37:42See?
00:37:50This is faster.
00:37:51Why not?
00:37:52We just go around all the thumbtacks.
00:37:56Like that.
00:37:57No, you stupid.
00:37:58That's a long way.
00:37:59We go like this.
00:38:06How about, instead, we just go like this then?
00:38:09Here.
00:38:10Over here.
00:38:11Stupid idea anyway.
00:38:12Alright.
00:38:13When do you want to go case the houses?
00:38:14Now, let's go.
00:38:15Let's go.
00:38:16Let's do it.
00:38:17An apartment building?
00:38:18Yeah, it's a Jacob Bennings.
00:38:19How does Santa Claus deliver presents to somebody in an apartment building?
00:38:20Well, he probably just goes up through the fire escape.
00:38:22Then what does he do?
00:38:23Andre.
00:38:24He goes up the fire escape, in through a window, delivers gifts, and then leaves.
00:38:26So he breaks the window?
00:38:27Well, yes, if he has to, yes.
00:38:28So then it would set off an alarm, or...
00:38:29No.
00:38:30No.
00:38:31No.
00:38:32No.
00:38:33No.
00:38:34No.
00:38:35No.
00:38:36No.
00:38:37No.
00:38:38No.
00:38:39No.
00:38:40No.
00:38:41No.
00:38:42No.
00:38:43No.
00:38:44No.
00:38:45No.
00:38:46No.
00:38:47So then, it would set off an alarm, or wake somebody up.
00:38:50You check first.
00:38:52I can't even believe I'm explaining this to you.
00:38:55Then what would he do?
00:38:56Well, then he seals it up before he leaves.
00:38:59Oh, Merry Christmas!
00:39:00Here's a broken window!
00:39:01Look, I'll leave him money to fix it.
00:39:05Whatever.
00:39:07Can't we just have Santa Claus deal with this one?
00:39:10I don't think you can.
00:39:12What do you mean?
00:39:13Oh. I mean, this is our assignment. We can do this, right? What do you say? We can deal with this. This isn't a big deal. Don't embarrass me and go to Santa Claus by my back.
00:39:25I guess we can, uh, pick a lock or something.
00:39:29Yeah.
00:39:31Yes, we can.
00:39:33I guess so.
00:39:35Well, seen enough?
00:39:37Yeah. What's the number of the farm?
00:39:41That's room nine. It's the window right there.
00:39:44By the fire escape.
00:39:45Nine. By the fire escape.
00:39:47Yep.
00:39:47Okay. Yes.
00:39:48All set?
00:39:48Yep. Let's go.
00:39:49Next house.
00:39:50Stop number two. A man named George.
00:39:53At least he's got a door.
00:39:54And a chimney.
00:39:55Not happening.
00:39:56Why not?
00:39:57Because Santa Claus lands on top of a roof.
00:40:00It's way more practical for him to go through a chimney.
00:40:03So?
00:40:03It's more practical for us to go through a door.
00:40:07Chimney looks so nice from here.
00:40:08Yeah, that's not going to happen.
00:40:11Fine.
00:40:11All right, so what does this guy want?
00:40:13He just wants a tent.
00:40:15A tent?
00:40:16Yeah, you know, one of those outdoor tents, the metal poles, eight feet tall.
00:40:20Oh, so the super heavy ones.
00:40:21Yeah, basically.
00:40:22Yeah.
00:40:23Great.
00:40:24You're kidding.
00:40:25Why not?
00:40:27A nursing home?
00:40:29Why not?
00:40:30There's going to be alarms on every single one of those windows.
00:40:32But the doors.
00:40:33They'll be locked.
00:40:34We can pick the locks.
00:40:36There's going to be cameras.
00:40:38Well, just smile.
00:40:42Security camera, stupid.
00:40:43We'll cover our faces.
00:40:44Ski masks or something.
00:40:45Okay.
00:40:47Who is it?
00:40:49I don't know.
00:40:49It's just some lady.
00:40:51Great.
00:40:51We're going to break into an old lady's nursing home.
00:40:54Just leave it at the door.
00:40:55There.
00:40:55And have one of the forgetfuls take it?
00:40:57Well, I don't know.
00:40:58I...
00:40:58What did you get her?
00:41:01Well, what the list said.
00:41:03The fruitcake.
00:41:03You got her a cake on Christmas?
00:41:06Why not?
00:41:06Why?
00:41:07It's what the list said.
00:41:08That's stupid.
00:41:09Old ladies love fruitcakes.
00:41:11How do you know that?
00:41:12It's logic, really.
00:41:14It's the only type of cake that they can eat with their diabetes.
00:41:16Ted!
00:41:17I just do what I'm told, Andre.
00:41:22Is this even really worth it?
00:41:23Well, I mean, if you want to back out and just not go...
00:41:30No, no, no, no.
00:41:31Tomorrow's it.
00:41:32We'll, uh...
00:41:32We'll figure it out.
00:41:34That's right.
00:41:35Or we'll go to jail trying.
00:41:37Are you kidding?
00:41:38We're not going to jail.
00:41:39Why not?
00:41:41The big man won't lose one of his own.
00:41:44We're not one of his own.
00:41:45Well, we will be.
00:41:46I guess so.
00:41:47All right.
00:41:48Let's...
00:41:49Let's...
00:41:49Let's move on.
00:41:51Where?
00:41:52To the next stop.
00:41:53Oh, right.
00:41:54Right.
00:41:55What is this place?
00:41:57Oh, it's a house.
00:41:58Well, I know that, but who lives here?
00:42:01Bruce Laird.
00:42:02What?
00:42:03A guy and his wife, Nancy.
00:42:06What is Santa getting them for Christmas this year?
00:42:10Well, we got a handgun and some hunting equipment for Bruce and, uh, a knife for the lady.
00:42:15Sounds like a morbid bundle of gifts, if you ask me.
00:42:18I don't know about that, but you should have seen the look on the guy's face when I paid
00:42:22for everything.
00:42:24Oh, I bet.
00:42:25Yeah.
00:42:25No, in all seriousness, they probably just enjoy hunting and cooking the meat.
00:42:29Yeah, maybe.
00:42:31All right, so you want to just pick the locks and go in through the front door?
00:42:34Yeah, sure.
00:42:35Like I did last time.
00:42:36All right.
00:42:37Sounds good.
00:42:40What's it now?
00:42:41Well, this next one's a little weird.
00:42:44What do you mean?
00:42:45I mean, it has a dress on it, but no present, no name, nothing.
00:42:50What?
00:42:51Just, uh, a note that says, be here at 1.30 a.m. and wait in the house.
00:42:57What do you mean?
00:42:58That's what the note says.
00:43:00Be here at 1.30 a.m. and wait in the house.
00:43:02Let me see that.
00:43:09Yeah, okay, yeah.
00:43:11Uh, I think he's going to throw us under the bus.
00:43:13No, he's not.
00:43:14Yeah, he is.
00:43:15Santa wouldn't do that.
00:43:16How do you know that?
00:43:17Because he's Santa.
00:43:18So what?
00:43:19So I trust him.
00:43:21Whatever.
00:43:22No, look, look, we...
00:43:24We're going to be fine.
00:43:26We just deliver gifts to all the other houses,
00:43:29and then we got to be done by 1.30, I guess.
00:43:34All right, if you say so.
00:43:37Five houses.
00:43:39You think that's enough?
00:43:40I don't know if we're going to be able to make it through all of them.
00:43:44Look, if Santa Claus can deliver gifts to millions of people in one night,
00:43:48we can deliver gifts to five.
00:43:49I mean, I guess so.
00:43:50Yeah, that's right.
00:43:51It's not about security itself.
00:44:03It's about having a sense of security.
00:44:07I mean, in reality, this hasn't been updated in many, many, many, many years.
00:44:12I mean, most people don't know this, but these haven't been updated for decades.
00:44:19And once again, it's to hold people accountable.
00:44:23It's to give people a sense of security.
00:44:28Genuine safety and security is never what it's actually about.
00:44:34And with all that being said, I will now show you how to pick a lock.
00:44:37Hello?
00:45:01Ted, my boy.
00:45:02Santa!
00:45:03Yes, my boy.
00:45:04Are you enjoying your stroll?
00:45:06How'd you know I'm walking?
00:45:07Where are you?
00:45:10I'm always watching you.
00:45:13Is that you over there?
00:45:15No, that man's a drunk, nearly homeless, lonely, loveless bum with a job for just one month a year.
00:45:22Okay.
00:45:23Basically, you and the future.
00:45:24Can you see the future?
00:45:25Now, listen.
00:45:26I want you to know that I'm proud of you and that you're right for doing this.
00:45:30This is important.
00:45:32How?
00:45:33What?
00:45:33You called me on Christmas Eve, your busiest night of the year.
00:45:38Congratulate me.
00:45:39What?
00:45:40No.
00:45:40Although, I am proud of you.
00:45:42Thanks, Dad.
00:45:43Santa.
00:45:45Yes, uh...
00:45:46Well, I mainly called to check in about that last stop.
00:45:50Oh.
00:45:50Yeah, the weird one.
00:45:51Now, listen.
00:45:52I don't know how you guys will do tonight, but if you only get one thing done, make sure
00:45:57that you remember to stop at that house at 1.30 in the morning.
00:46:02Why that one?
00:46:03I don't understand.
00:46:04Just...
00:46:04I can't explain.
00:46:07Because I've seen things like this fall through before.
00:46:10But what is it?
00:46:11Just...
00:46:12I'm not going to tell you.
00:46:13Just be there, though.
00:46:14It's very important.
00:46:16But it would help if we...
00:46:16Be there.
00:46:17Be there.
00:46:17He came as a baby so that we could identify with who He is.
00:46:42And He came so that we could have eternal life with God.
00:46:49That is what Christmas is about.
00:46:52Pastor?
00:46:53Yes.
00:46:54Hey.
00:46:56Well, uh...
00:46:56I'm Ted.
00:46:57Well, nice to meet you.
00:46:59I'm Dave.
00:47:00Cool.
00:47:01So, how can I help you, Ted?
00:47:04You know the Christmas story.
00:47:05Yeah.
00:47:05Great movie.
00:47:06No, I...
00:47:07I actually meant the one with Joseph and Mary.
00:47:10Ah, yes.
00:47:11Well, just about.
00:47:13Good.
00:47:14Uh...
00:47:15When the angel visited Mary, was there...
00:47:19I don't know...
00:47:20A cookie involved?
00:47:21A what?
00:47:22A Christmas cookie.
00:47:24I don't quite follow your thinking.
00:47:26Like, did Mary maybe eat a Christmas cookie and then see the angel in her room?
00:47:34This is a joke.
00:47:38Yes.
00:47:39Yes, it's a joke.
00:47:40No, it wasn't.
00:47:42Okay.
00:47:42Well, is it possible that Mary ate a Christmas cookie and then saw a vision?
00:47:47No.
00:47:50Well, what if I ate a Christmas cookie and then saw a vision?
00:47:54Not from God.
00:47:57Are you sure?
00:47:58Very sure.
00:48:00It's not a sign, then, if Santa Claus visited me after I ate a drugged cookie?
00:48:04No.
00:48:05No.
00:48:05Not a chance.
00:48:07Okay.
00:48:07I thought it might be a sign from God.
00:48:10No.
00:48:11Okay.
00:48:12Good sermon.
00:48:13Hey.
00:48:21Are you ready?
00:48:22Oh, yeah.
00:48:23Let's load up the car.
00:48:24All right.
00:48:25Got your ski mask?
00:48:27Yeah.
00:48:28All right.
00:48:29Yep.
00:48:29Okay.
00:48:31We need to give the...
00:48:32Would you stop it?
00:48:35Let's get the gifts into the car now, man.
00:48:37It's the season of giving.
00:48:44Where's the tent?
00:48:45It's at the house.
00:48:46You pull it away from the wall and I'll...
00:48:48I'll make some room for it, okay?
00:48:50I'll give you a hand-carry unit.
00:48:51All right.
00:48:52We're good on time?
00:48:56We're good on time.
00:49:08Hello?
00:49:10Hi.
00:49:11It's me, honey.
00:49:12Hi, Mom.
00:49:13Merry Christmas Eve.
00:49:15To you as well.
00:49:18Now, I know it's really short notice,
00:49:20but Phil and I were talking
00:49:22and we agreed that you were more than welcome
00:49:25to come for Christmas.
00:49:27If you'd like.
00:49:30I know it's short notice,
00:49:32but when you get here,
00:49:33I'll pay you back for the airfare if you want.
00:49:37Andre?
00:49:38Yeah, Mom.
00:49:39I'm here.
00:49:41I know you might already have plans,
00:49:42but you know...
00:49:44You know, I thought...
00:49:45I thought that I'd invite you.
00:49:47I know it's late.
00:49:49Yeah, yeah.
00:49:50Well...
00:49:54What do you think?
00:49:58Yeah, Mom.
00:50:01It's awesome, but I had...
00:50:03It's so short notice,
00:50:05and I had already made plans.
00:50:08I understand.
00:50:12Yeah, thanks, Mom, for the invitation.
00:50:15It's just short notice.
00:50:16I'd love to hang out sometime.
00:50:18I understand.
00:50:20I already sent you a present in the mail.
00:50:23Oh, I got it.
00:50:24I'm waiting until tomorrow to open it.
00:50:26Well, it was nice talking to you.
00:50:30Yeah, Mom, you should get your present tomorrow.
00:50:33Yes, it already got here.
00:50:35Oh, God.
00:50:37Well, if you ever want to visit,
00:50:39just call me, okay?
00:50:40Yeah, thanks, Mom, for the invitation.
00:50:44Merry Christmas, Andre.
00:50:46Merry Christmas, Mom.
00:50:47Merry Christmas, Dad.
00:50:53Merry Christmas, Daddy.
00:50:53Merry Christmas, honey.
00:50:54Merry Christmas, Daddy.
00:50:54Merry Christmas, Daddy.
00:50:55Merry Christmas, Daddy.
00:50:55Merry Christmas, Daddy.
00:50:55Hey.
00:50:56Are you ready to go?
00:50:59Yeah, let's go.
00:51:05I can't believe we're actually doing this.
00:51:07Oh, this is it, all right.
00:51:09You ready?
00:51:10Maybe.
00:51:12Maybe what?
00:51:12Nothing. I'm ready.
00:51:15That's the spirit. Come on, let's go!
00:51:21Now we gotta be quiet, okay? We don't wanna wake anybody up.
00:51:24Sounds like a good idea.
00:51:25Okay.
00:51:28You grab the gift.
00:51:42Come on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. There, go, go, go.
00:51:56Okay, let's go.
00:51:58What was that?
00:52:00I... I knocked over some books.
00:52:02Oh! What is he reading?
00:52:04I need a new book suggestion.
00:52:06I'm in a communist soul.
00:52:14Huh. Communism. I feel so dirty.
00:52:29What?
00:52:30It's that waiter from the restaurant.
00:52:32What's he doing here?
00:52:36Is the tree in his bedroom?
00:52:38Maybe.
00:53:00Who's in there?
00:53:01No one.
00:53:02What?
00:53:03No one.
00:53:04Why is he sleeping out here?
00:53:06He always was a little weird.
00:53:07What's he doing?
00:53:10I don't know.
00:53:11Look.
00:53:12No.
00:53:13Just look.
00:53:14Fine.
00:53:15What's he doing?
00:53:16I don't know.
00:53:17What's he doing?
00:53:18I don't know.
00:53:19Look.
00:53:20No.
00:53:21Just look.
00:53:22Fine.
00:53:23What's he doing?
00:53:24I don't know.
00:53:25What do you mean you're not?
00:53:26I don't know.
00:53:27Whatever.
00:53:28Just...
00:53:29Shut up.
00:53:30Give me the package.
00:53:31Here.
00:53:32Here.
00:53:33I'm going in.
00:53:34Oh, fine.
00:53:35I'm fine.
00:53:36I'm fine.
00:53:37I'm fine.
00:53:38Just look.
00:53:39Fine.
00:53:40What's he doing?
00:53:41What's he doing?
00:53:42I don't know.
00:53:43I don't know.
00:53:44Whatever.
00:53:45Just...
00:53:46Shut up.
00:53:47Give me the package.
00:53:48Here.
00:53:49I'm going in.
00:53:50Oh, fine.
00:53:53I'm fine.
00:53:59I'm fine.
00:54:18I don't know what to do, but I don't know what to do.
00:55:18Dad, dad, dad, dad.
00:55:35If it makes you...
00:55:37Just shut up.
00:55:40Just want to say...
00:55:41Just shut up!
00:55:44You never speak this.
00:55:45Right.
00:55:46You hear me?
00:55:46Mm-hmm.
00:55:48So, you want to continue on?
00:55:52Yeah, let's go.
00:55:54Let's go.
00:55:56What'd you park across the street for?
00:55:59You don't want them to see us, do you?
00:56:01You want to know?
00:56:02Oh, you don't want them to know?
00:56:03I don't want them to see us, do you want me to see us?
00:56:06I don't want them to see us.
00:56:08You can't do this.
00:56:10What?
00:56:11I don't want.
00:56:11No!
00:56:12I don't want them to see us.
00:56:14I don't want them to see us.
00:56:16Hurry up! It's locked! Let's go down that way!
00:56:36Sounds good!
00:56:46What do you want? Come on!
00:57:08It's a door! It's unlocked!
00:57:16Quiet!
00:57:26There's the tree!
00:57:28Where are we going to put these?
00:57:30Under the tree!
00:57:31There's no room!
00:57:32Make some!
00:57:34You idiot!
00:57:38Get some tape!
00:57:46Now what in that game?!
00:57:52Is he dead?
00:57:56No, he's fine! Grab the tape, let's go!
00:58:02Grab me out!
00:58:04Warren?
00:58:06Warren, is that you down there?
00:58:08No, I'm right!
00:58:10Warren, what you...
00:58:12Warren, can you hear me, boss?
00:58:16Warren?
00:58:18Warren, what you...
00:58:22Warren, can you hear me, boss?
00:58:28Warren?
00:58:35Are you ready?
00:58:36Yeah!
00:58:38Ski man!
00:58:40What are you doing?
00:58:41What are you doing?
00:58:42Quiet!
00:58:43What?
00:58:44Stop!
00:58:45I'm gonna mess it up!
00:58:46Shut up!
00:58:47You're gonna...
00:58:48Stop!
00:58:49Quiet!
00:58:50This is it!
00:58:52Are you sure?
00:58:54Yeah!
00:58:56Aren't you gonna go?
00:59:09No!
00:59:10What?
00:59:11After you!
00:59:12I'm not going in there!
00:59:14Why?
00:59:15Because it's awkward!
00:59:16Then why should I have to go in?
00:59:17Well, I had a particularly awkward time at that apartment.
00:59:20I thought we weren't gonna talk about it!
00:59:21We're not, but...
00:59:22What are you talking about?
00:59:23No!
00:59:24Just go!
00:59:25No!
00:59:26No, go!
00:59:27Listen, you wanna be Santa, and I'm your little elf!
00:59:30Yeah, and Santa's giving you an order, buddy!
00:59:32Well, I'm not your slave!
00:59:33I know that!
00:59:34Just leave it at the door!
00:59:36Santa doesn't do that!
00:59:37Merry Christmas, here's a package!
00:59:38No!
00:59:39Well, I'm not going in, so either you go, or you leave it at the door!
00:59:53There's a lock!
00:59:54Let's go!
00:59:55Put him up!
00:59:56Freeze!
00:59:57He's got a stun gun!
00:59:58Hey, wait!
00:59:59You weren't them old guys!
01:00:00I tell you what!
01:00:01First one of them moves, gonna get tased!
01:00:02Well, after you, buddy!
01:00:03No, I insist, after you!
01:00:04Well, I went first last time!
01:00:05Last time?
01:00:06When was last time?
01:00:07At the room!
01:00:08No, you didn't!
01:00:09Just go!
01:00:10No!
01:00:11Go!
01:00:12You go!
01:00:13You go!
01:00:14I don't wanna go!
01:00:15Fine!
01:00:16Don't go!
01:00:17That's okay, fine!
01:00:18You see that, Andre?
01:00:19I got him!
01:00:20Andre, did you see that?
01:00:21I got him!
01:00:22He got him!
01:00:23He tased me!
01:00:24Yeah, but did you see I got him!
01:00:25You pushed me!
01:00:26What's the matter?
01:00:27I'll show you what's the matter!
01:00:28Not so fun now, is it?
01:00:29Give me that!
01:00:30No!
01:00:31We're done!
01:00:32Let's go!
01:00:33That was close!
01:00:34Yeah!
01:00:35What?
01:00:36The clock!
01:00:37Oh, crap!
01:00:38The house!
01:00:39Yeah!
01:00:40But we haven't gotten to house number four yet!
01:00:42Yeah, I know!
01:00:43Where are we going?
01:00:44Where are we going?
01:00:45How are we going?
01:00:46How are we going?
01:00:47What's the matter?
01:00:48You pushed me!
01:00:49What's the matter?
01:00:50I'll show you what's the matter!
01:00:51Not so fun now, is it?
01:00:52Give me that!
01:00:53No!
01:00:54We're done!
01:00:55Let's go!
01:00:56That was close!
01:00:57Yeah!
01:00:58What?
01:00:59The clock!
01:01:00Crap!
01:01:01The house!
01:01:02Yeah!
01:01:03The house number five!
01:01:04Look, I think we should call this off!
01:01:05What?
01:01:06I think we should call this off!
01:01:10You're kidding!
01:01:11What?
01:01:12You're kidding!
01:01:13No, I'm not kidding!
01:01:14I didn't go through all that for nothing!
01:01:15It wasn't for nothing!
01:01:16We deliver presents to three people!
01:01:17Three people?
01:01:18Santa delivers gifts to millions!
01:01:20Santa's a pro!
01:01:21That's his job!
01:01:22I'm a package man!
01:01:23I don't care if you're the president!
01:01:24We're not going to stop now!
01:01:25Not when they're this close!
01:01:26Look, Ted!
01:01:27Oh no!
01:01:28I didn't get tased,
01:01:29lie in a communist bathtub as he took a dump
01:01:31almost get shot at and kill a man for nothing!
01:01:33You said he was free!
01:01:34I'll tell you what we're going to do!
01:01:36We're going to do whatever old Saint Nick tells us to do
01:01:38because we're his happy little helpers this year!
01:01:40But we really don't have to!
01:01:42Hold on!
01:01:43You're mine!
01:01:44I'm leaving!
01:01:45Stop, Andre!
01:01:46Ted!
01:01:47I'll kill you!
01:01:48Ted!
01:01:49I will kill you if you try to leave!
01:01:52Are you ready, little elf?
01:01:55Mm-hmm!
01:01:56Off we go!
01:01:57Ho, ho, ho!
01:02:09Admit it, old boy.
01:02:10This is fun, huh?
01:02:11We're gonna get arrested.
01:02:13But isn't it nice, though?
01:02:14Really?
01:02:15Having something important to do with your life?
01:02:17But I have a real job!
01:02:18It is nice, though.
01:02:20I mean, don't you feel like Santa Claus?
01:02:22I feel more like the bad guys from Home Alone.
01:02:25Well!
01:02:27You ready to go sit in this unknowing man's living room until 1.30?
01:02:31Well, are we gonna break a window or are we gonna pick a lock?
01:02:34Both!
01:02:41Ted!
01:02:42What are you doing?
01:02:43I don't believe Ted!
01:02:45Shh!
01:02:46They didn't leave out any milk cookies for Santa Claus!
01:02:48Dad, we're not supposed to be here!
01:02:49This man, I'm getting thirsty!
01:02:50Shh!
01:02:51Let me go into the kitchen.
01:02:52Ted, what are you doing?
01:02:53Ted!
01:02:54Get back here!
01:02:55Oh, come on, Dad!
01:02:56Where are you?
01:02:57Ted!
01:02:58Ted!
01:02:59What are you doing?
01:03:18Ted!
01:03:19Ted, get over here!
01:03:21Ted!
01:03:22What's up?
01:03:37You never saw me.
01:03:39Ha ha, no. Hold it a minute, partner. I'm seeing you.
01:03:43And may I say I'm not liking what I'm seeing.
01:03:47Well, you could shoot me, but if you do, my partner here is going to scream bloody murder.
01:03:52And between his screams and the gunshot, you'll be busted.
01:03:56And if you attack me, I'll kill you.
01:03:58We've seen your face. I've seen yours.
01:04:04It's an airsoft gun, isn't it?
01:04:06What? No!
01:04:11Stop with me!
01:04:17Oh, we are so done for.
01:04:20Why?
01:04:21We just stopped a robber.
01:04:23And almost somebody else did it. Then they'll come looking for us.
01:04:26What are we supposed to do?
01:04:28I don't know. This isn't my plan.
01:04:30Let's get him to the car.
01:04:32How are we going to do that?
01:04:34Drag him! Let's go!
01:04:36Get him in the car.
01:04:39What?
01:04:42Get down.
01:04:47Oh!
01:04:48How do you like this?
01:04:57What now?
01:04:58I don't know.
01:05:00I don't know.
01:05:13Well?
01:05:14Well, what?
01:05:17Thoughts?
01:05:20You were right.
01:05:22We can't do this.
01:05:23Who am I kidding?
01:05:25We've caused nothing but trouble.
01:05:26I mean...
01:05:28What do you mean?
01:05:29Think about that loser in the apartment.
01:05:31I'd rather not.
01:05:33Do you think for a second that that guy had anyone to celebrate Christmas with?
01:05:37That could have been the only present he got this year.
01:05:40Maybe.
01:05:41What about the old lady in the nursing home?
01:05:43Do you think she had any family to celebrate Christmas with?
01:05:46And we gave her a present.
01:05:48True.
01:05:49And what about the family that could have got robbed?
01:05:51And we stopped them on Christmas Eve.
01:05:54Christmas.
01:05:55Exactly.
01:05:55But what about the tent guy?
01:06:01The tent guy?
01:06:03The one I clapped.
01:06:05Oh.
01:06:06Well, uh...
01:06:07I mean, we didn't really do much for that guy.
01:06:10I knew it!
01:06:11But think about all the other people we've helped.
01:06:15I don't know, Andre.
01:06:16I mean...
01:06:17Come on!
01:06:18Let's finish this!
01:06:19This is important.
01:06:20Andre?
01:06:27Yeah?
01:06:30Buckle up.
01:06:31Will do!
01:06:32You ready for this?
01:06:42Yeah.
01:06:45Ted, what was that?
01:06:48It's a motion sensor.
01:06:50Do you think they have a dog?
01:06:52It's out back.
01:06:54Oh.
01:06:55They have a dog out back?
01:06:57Yep.
01:06:58So we're not going out back, right?
01:07:00Not unless you want to get mauled to death.
01:07:02No, thank you.
01:07:04Yeah.
01:07:05Yeah.
01:07:06Can't call the front, either.
01:07:07No.
01:07:08Motion sensor.
01:07:09Well, that's it.
01:07:10I'm calling it.
01:07:11Oh, no.
01:07:11Come on, stupid.
01:07:12There's got to be a way.
01:07:13What are we going to do?
01:07:16I don't know.
01:07:16I mean, it's not like we're Santa Claus.
01:07:19We can just go on top of the roof.
01:07:22Right?
01:07:22Right?
01:07:22Right?
01:07:22Right?
01:07:29You ready?
01:07:34Yeah.
01:07:35I mean, I broke in the house, but I didn't steal the ladder.
01:07:38What are you doing?
01:07:39I'm preparing an answer for the prosecutor.
01:07:41Will you shut up and help me?
01:07:43Sure thing.
01:07:45Uh, what are you doing with that?
01:07:47We have to go into that house over there.
01:07:50I know that.
01:07:51Look, we'll climb up this ladder, put the ladder between the houses, and we'll go across and through a window.
01:07:56No, no, no, no.
01:07:57I'm not.
01:07:58No, I'm not.
01:07:58Well, why not?
01:08:00I'm scared of heights.
01:08:01So everybody's free to heights.
01:08:03No.
01:08:03You can go up there.
01:08:04I'm not.
01:08:05Just what do you mean by that?
01:08:07Ted, I'm saying this one out.
01:08:08Really?
01:08:09Really?
01:08:10Fine.
01:08:13Okay.
01:08:14I'll go up the ladder.
01:08:16I'll put the ladder between the houses.
01:08:17I'll go through the window over there, and I'll let you in through the front door.
01:08:21Sounds good to buy me.
01:08:22Okay.
01:08:24I'll go up the ladder.
01:08:26You'll pass up the gift.
01:08:27Okay.
01:08:27You'll pass up the ladder.
01:08:29I'll go across.
01:08:30I'll turn off the motion sensors, and then you can come in through the front door.
01:08:33As long as I don't have to go up there.
01:08:35It's fine by me.
01:08:37Fine.
01:08:37Don't worry about it.
01:08:46Pass the gifts.
01:09:11Are you ready?
01:09:16Pass up the ladder.
01:09:20You good?
01:09:24Focus.
01:09:25Focus.
01:09:26Ted, I'll get up myself.
01:09:27Don't mind your own business.
01:09:41Don't mind your own business.
01:09:55You look like I'm about to steal those presents.
01:09:58Get it?
01:09:59I get it.
01:09:59I get it.
01:10:00Oh, that's it.
01:10:01You're done for.
01:10:03I'm going for it.
01:10:04Oh, I can't work.
01:10:05We're good.
01:10:15Let's see.
01:10:32There's the tree.
01:11:00Right, I'll put the gifts under the tree and you just look around for anything suspicious.
01:11:07Like what?
01:11:08Breaking an enemy.
01:11:10Oh, I get it.
01:11:16I can't believe it, Ted. This is the last stop.
01:11:19Yeah, I know it. After this we'll just slip out quietly without anyone ever knowing we were here.
01:11:24Yeah.
01:11:30No, the tree is not locked in here.
01:11:33Quiet down.
01:11:37Uh-oh, who's down there?
01:11:39What did he do? Where's the thief? He went that way.
01:11:54I got an idea.
01:11:55Oh, boy.
01:12:06Freeze!
01:12:07Wait, we gotta call the cops.
01:12:08What are you doing to my house?
01:12:09No, I didn't do anything. I swear.
01:12:10Yeah, we're gonna call the cops.
01:12:11No, I didn't do anything.
01:12:12Look, there they go.
01:12:13We're gonna call the cops and they're coming to get you.
01:12:25Well, that was...
01:12:40Fun.
01:12:43Ted?
01:12:46We did it.
01:12:47Yeah, we did.
01:12:49We did something important.
01:12:51Well, I once...
01:12:54You're right.
01:12:55No, we did it.
01:13:00Ted, are you okay now?
01:13:03No, no, I'm...
01:13:04I'm great.
01:13:07I'm...
01:13:08The best I've been in...
01:13:09Ever.
01:13:11Are you sure about that?
01:13:13Yeah.
01:13:14Oh, yeah.
01:13:16Oh, okay.
01:13:20Are you gonna go to the, uh, bowling alley tomorrow night?
01:13:23Yeah.
01:13:24Yeah.
01:13:25I'll, uh...
01:13:27I'll see you then.
01:13:30See ya.
01:13:31Yeah.
01:13:32Oh, Andre.
01:13:33Andre.
01:13:34Let me be the first to wish you a...
01:13:35Merry Christmas.
01:13:36Merry Christmas to you too, Ted.
01:13:37I'll, uh...
01:13:38I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
01:13:39Bye.
01:13:40Bye.
01:13:41Bye.
01:13:42It's Christmas.
01:13:43It's Christmas.
01:13:45Mr.
01:13:46Santa.
01:13:47Santa.
01:13:49I'm??
01:13:50I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
01:13:51Bye.
01:13:52Bye.
01:14:07It's Christmas.
01:14:09Santa.
01:14:13You scared me.
01:14:15What are you doing here?
01:14:17Never mind that.
01:14:19I wanted to talk to you about your duty last night.
01:14:21How did we do?
01:14:22You were a failure.
01:14:25What?
01:14:25Yeah, that stupid stunt you pulled in the apartment.
01:14:28The guy you knocked out, the security man, the ladder, the guy in the trunk.
01:14:32Everything!
01:14:33But how do you know?
01:14:35Right.
01:14:37You watch us all the time, don't you?
01:14:42Santa?
01:14:43I followed you.
01:15:06But why?
01:15:08My wife said that I was a loser, that anybody could do my job.
01:15:12So, I decided I'd prove her wrong, and I'd find a real loser.
01:15:17Santa, I'm not-
01:15:18You're a loser!
01:15:18A bum!
01:15:19I see everything, and I know for a fact that you are a mistake.
01:15:24Your mother doesn't even love you.
01:15:26That is a loser.
01:15:29Me?
01:15:30The whole world loves Santa Claus.
01:15:34I'm not a loser.
01:15:35Not at all.
01:15:36Santa-
01:15:37See ya, stupid!
01:15:38I'm gonna go party on my number one day of the year.
01:15:44But-
01:15:45See ya, stupid!
01:15:46I'm not a loser!
01:16:05I'm not.
01:16:06I'm not.
01:16:06It's a lot of good.
01:16:07I'm not.
01:16:07I'm not.
01:16:08I'm not.
01:16:08They're gonna go party on my number one day of the year.
01:16:09Like I'm not.
01:16:10I'm not.
01:16:10I'm not.
01:16:11They're welcome.
01:16:11I'm not.
01:16:12I'm not.
01:16:12They're welcome.
01:16:13They're welcome.
01:16:13I'm not.
01:16:13Hey, I know you!
01:16:21No, you don't.
01:16:22Yeah, yeah, I know you.
01:16:23You were at the restaurant the other night.
01:16:25I'm sorry I spilled all that food on you.
01:16:28Don't worry about it.
01:16:30It is Christmas.
01:16:32Yes, I guess it is.
01:16:35Say, do you believe in Santa Claus?
01:16:38What?
01:16:39Santa?
01:16:40I think I got visited from him last night.
01:16:42I got a gift.
01:16:44Really?
01:16:45See, I know it was a gift from Santa,
01:16:47because it was wrapped differently than all my other presents.
01:16:50Well, that's not unusual.
01:16:52Yeah, it is.
01:16:53Because I wrapped all my other presents with the same wrapping paper,
01:16:56so that I'd be surprised when I opened all the presents.
01:16:58What?
01:16:59No, you didn't.
01:17:01Yeah, I did.
01:17:02But I made that up.
01:17:03You did that too?
01:17:05No, it was a long time ago.
01:17:07Really?
01:17:08That's crazy.
01:17:09It was a long time ago.
01:17:10We're not so different, you and I.
01:17:12Shut up.
01:17:13Yes, we are.
01:17:14Wanna hang out sometime?
01:17:15No.
01:17:16Are you sure?
01:17:17Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
01:17:18Go away.
01:17:19I'm sure you have lots of plans of being Christmas and all.
01:17:21I don't have any plans.
01:17:22Well, I do.
01:17:23So I'll see you.
01:17:24Bye.
01:17:25Bye.
01:17:26Merry Christmas.
01:17:30Merry Christmas.
01:17:32Merry Christmas.
01:17:38Merry Christmas.
01:17:41And for the record Jay, I know Sam is real.
01:17:49Well, there it is.
01:18:08The story of how I became Santa Claus.
01:18:13You know, though Santa meant for the whole thing to be some sort of a joke or a fluke or an experiment,
01:18:18it was actually a blessing to me.
01:18:21I learned quite a bit, actually, like the fact that I don't need a lot of friends
01:18:27because I have one very good friend right beside me.
01:18:31And also that it's much better to give than receive.
01:18:35You can make a big impact on some people's lives, even if you don't always get along with that person.
01:18:41Giving is a gift of its own, in a way.
01:18:44Who knows?
01:18:46Maybe I'll do it again next year.
01:18:48Ho, ho, ho.
01:18:51Merry Christmas.
01:18:52Yes.
01:18:52piano plays softly
01:19:22piano plays softly
01:19:52piano plays softly
01:20:22piano plays softly
01:20:52piano plays softly
01:21:22piano plays softly
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