- 7 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00They say there are two kinds of people that go to reunions.
00:00:05Those that have something to show off, and those that are, and were, desperate losers.
00:00:09Willing to revalidate their status in a pathetic quest to see if the homecoming queen weighs
00:00:16300 pounds, or the jock prick that blew up the toilet while you were sitting on it, lost
00:00:22his hair, or better yet, a limb, or maybe, just maybe find some reason to believe that
00:00:29their life really isn't as bad as they might think it is.
00:00:32My name is Rick Foster, and I'd like to tell you I'm above all that, but I'd be lying.
00:00:44Ted?
00:00:45Ted?
00:00:46Honey, Ted's here!
00:00:48The Ted made it!
00:00:50Hi!
00:00:51Hi!
00:00:52Oh!
00:00:53Hi.
00:00:54Hi.
00:00:55Hi.
00:00:56I didn't know you had a daughter!
00:00:58This is my wife.
00:01:00So, what happened to you?
00:01:02Jill and I got divorced ten years ago, and Karen and I got married three years ago.
00:01:08It's very brave of you to come.
00:01:10Oh, thank you.
00:01:11Well, I prepared her for a pretty high butthead quotient this weekend.
00:01:14Oh, you won't be disappointed.
00:01:16Hey, this is a nice car.
00:01:19Is it a lease?
00:01:20No, I bought it.
00:01:21It's a Subaru Tribeca.
00:01:22So, Donnie, are you in the hardware business, or is that a strap-on?
00:01:27Hardware.
00:01:28Home of Donnie's giant hammer.
00:01:32I think I underestimated the butthead quotient.
00:01:34They seem nice.
00:01:36I think maybe we should leave before it's too late.
00:01:38They already have our stuff.
00:01:40Well, I'll buy new clothes, new luggage.
00:01:42Ted, this is your weekend.
00:01:43I'm only here to make it better for you.
00:01:45Remember you said you couldn't get through it without me?
00:01:47I'm here for you.
00:01:49Let's make it fun.
00:01:51Oh, my God.
00:01:54Is that Larry Fettus?
00:01:56Donnie Spencer.
00:01:59Hey.
00:02:00And Peggy Gray.
00:02:02Oh, hey, how's it going?
00:02:03Marry you.
00:02:07Let's not forget these.
00:02:12We'll see you in there.
00:02:13Yeah, great time.
00:02:17Ted Renton.
00:02:20Or should I say the new improved Ted Renton.
00:02:26And this must be Karen, the second wife.
00:02:30How did you know that?
00:02:31Jill and I stay in touch.
00:02:33I don't need a name tag.
00:02:34Nonsense.
00:02:35No one is a stranger here at the UFC class of 85 reunion.
00:02:39Here you go.
00:02:41Hello, my name is Ted's young second wife, Karen.
00:02:46Everyone gets two free bar tickets.
00:02:49I'll just take the whole roll there, Marge.
00:02:51It's five bucks a ticket.
00:02:54It's all right.
00:02:56Say hello to Jill for me.
00:03:01Hey.
00:03:05Bye.
00:03:06See you later.
00:03:07Nope, don't tell me.
00:03:11Rick Foster, right?
00:03:13That's right.
00:03:14You remember me?
00:03:15You're unforgettable.
00:03:17Marjorie.
00:03:18That's right.
00:03:19I had a bet on you as a no show.
00:03:21And I'd have covered that bet, because I don't like to lose.
00:03:24Well, have a great time.
00:03:27Are you here alone?
00:03:29Not for long.
00:03:30I'm here to rekindle old relationships, possibly make some new ones.
00:03:33All with the intent of kicking their butts on the golf course.
00:03:37Like I said, Marge, I don't like to lose.
00:03:39I bet not.
00:03:42Hey.
00:03:43Hey, yo, Ricky.
00:03:46Hey.
00:03:47How are you, pal?
00:03:48Hey, Rick.
00:03:49Good to see you, Ken.
00:03:50How are you?
00:03:51How are you?
00:03:52Good, good.
00:03:53You look great.
00:03:54Johnny.
00:03:55What's up, buddy?
00:03:56How are you?
00:03:57I'm good.
00:03:58I love Frank's cooking.
00:04:00Here we are.
00:04:01The slack pack.
00:04:03Just like in college.
00:04:05In the back of the room with no women around.
00:04:07I wonder why.
00:04:09Oh, hey.
00:04:10Put this on.
00:04:11Oh, Ken made these.
00:04:12Yeah, pretty scary, huh?
00:04:14Very scary.
00:04:16Not quite as scary as that rug on Ted.
00:04:19This is not a rug.
00:04:20This is a hair enhancer weave.
00:04:22All right?
00:04:23It's hard to believe it's been 20 years, huh?
00:04:25Yeah, and we've done pretty good for ourselves, huh, guys?
00:04:28Yeah, not bad.
00:04:29Come on.
00:04:30Compared to these losers?
00:04:32So let's get to some trouble, huh?
00:04:35You guys aren't really going to wear those shirts, are you?
00:04:40No, no, no.
00:04:41Yeah, thank you, Stacy.
00:04:44Are you guys twins?
00:04:46Okay, we know you're not here for the Mensa conference.
00:04:49Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:04:50The reunion.
00:04:52Can I get a jack and ginger, please?
00:04:54Crap.
00:04:55Banana daiquiri, please.
00:04:59For my wife.
00:05:00And I'll have a whiskey with no ice and no water
00:05:05and in a dirty glass if you got one, please.
00:05:08Nice recovery, Donnie.
00:05:11Hey, guys, didn't we go to school with, like, a lot of beautiful women?
00:05:15Yeah, yeah, we did.
00:05:17I wonder why none of them showed up tonight.
00:05:20All right, I got a question for you boys.
00:05:24Out of all the women back in college,
00:05:27which one did you want to sleep with but never did?
00:05:31That's so easy.
00:05:32Paula Wilkinson.
00:05:36Lois Moore.
00:05:38Oh, the rack on her.
00:05:40Nice shit on her, too.
00:05:42How about Wendy Oakley, huh?
00:05:44Oh, God.
00:05:45I actually slept with Wendy Oakley.
00:05:47Oh, you did not.
00:05:48Get out of town.
00:05:49I did so.
00:05:50Well, we don't have to go far to check it out
00:05:52because she's standing right over there.
00:05:57Oh, my God.
00:05:58She looks great.
00:06:00Yeah, exactly the way I remember her.
00:06:03Way better.
00:06:04She must have had a ton of work done.
00:06:06I know you would say.
00:06:08She's coming with you,
00:06:09just in case she tries to dry hump you.
00:06:16Remember me?
00:06:18I don't think so.
00:06:19Come on now.
00:06:21Football field after homecoming?
00:06:24Go long, Ted?
00:06:2750-yard line?
00:06:29Come on.
00:06:31It's me, Ted Redden.
00:06:33Hey, Ted!
00:06:36I see you've met my daughter.
00:06:39Ted and I had kind of a hot thing going back then.
00:06:42Remember the utility closet in the lab science building?
00:06:46Mom, I don't need to hear this.
00:06:49You look great, Ted.
00:06:51Rick Foster?
00:06:53Ah!
00:06:54How are you?
00:06:56Good.
00:06:57Oh, and Kim.
00:06:59And I don't remember you.
00:07:01That's okay.
00:07:02Well, we all got to get back to our wives.
00:07:04Oh, you're married?
00:07:05Too bad.
00:07:07Pull it! Pull it!
00:07:09Woo-hoo!
00:07:11Pull it, yeah.
00:07:13Pull it! Pull it!
00:07:16How could I possibly feel any shittier?
00:07:18Pull it! Pull it!
00:07:22So, I came back from Paris with a Master of Fine Arts
00:07:26after a two-year stint modeling and painting with Jean-Pierre,
00:07:29and I realized that my real passion is corporate law.
00:07:32And rather than let all my offers from Ivy League schools go to waste, well, you know.
00:07:36Well, I'll never forgive myself for letting my Ivy League offers go to waste.
00:07:39So, you're still in school, huh?
00:07:41Yeah, till the end of this year.
00:07:43And then the prom and on to college?
00:07:44So, how did you and Ted meet?
00:07:46On a ski lift. We were stuck there for two hours.
00:07:49Anyway, to make a long story short, I had to see him again
00:07:52because I got stuck with his ski cap and his hair was in it.
00:07:55Isn't that cute?
00:07:57Yeah!
00:08:00Um, I'm going to take the stairs. It was nice meeting you. I like to stretch.
00:08:08Well, see you in the morning.
00:08:15Ted sure seems to have done well for himself.
00:08:17What do you think she and Ted talk about? I mean, what do they really have in common?
00:08:21Honey, Cam and I, we have our whole lives in common,
00:08:23but we ran out of things to talk about a long time ago.
00:08:26I think if the sex is good, the talking takes care of itself.
00:08:28That's why I told Rick I just want to keep it sexual.
00:08:30No need to mess up a good relationship with feelings.
00:08:35So, Ted, exactly how old is your new wife? Thirty?
00:08:38Twenty-two.
00:08:40Twenty-two?
00:08:42Twenty-two?
00:08:44So, what happened to Jill?
00:08:46I don't know. We just drifted apart.
00:08:49Felt different interests.
00:08:52What, she wasn't interested in 22-year-old women?
00:08:54You're jealous, huh?
00:08:56Ted, I'm from L.A. Come on, I see younger women all the time.
00:08:59Yeah, he lives right next door to an elementary school.
00:09:02God, the kids would love this.
00:09:04What a beautiful little swimming hole, huh?
00:09:06You know, that swimming hole is a lot like a woman.
00:09:09Tonight it's beautiful, tomorrow it's a hazard.
00:09:12So, five kids, huh, darling?
00:09:14How old are they?
00:09:16Eighteen, sixteen, eleven, nine, and, uh, three.
00:09:21What happened in between nine and three?
00:09:23Hernia.
00:09:24You or her?
00:09:26Both, actually. They said we pulled something.
00:09:29Who was your doctor? Wendy Oakley?
00:09:31Pull it. Pull it!
00:09:33Can we just smoke cigars, please?
00:09:36You guys know I've never golfed before.
00:09:38Never?
00:09:39Never.
00:09:40What the hell do you do for fun?
00:09:42I think Peggy has the answer to that.
00:09:44Hey, give me that thing.
00:09:46You gotta shake it up a little bit, man.
00:09:50Whoa, whoa, hey, guys!
00:09:52Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:10:01Just shake it. Good idea.
00:10:17Ta-da!
00:10:20What's wrong? You're all wet.
00:10:22I had to jump in the lake.
00:10:24Rick lit me on fire.
00:10:27It was hot.
00:10:28You're hot.
00:10:29You're hotter.
00:10:30You're the hottest.
00:10:31You're boiling.
00:10:32You're boiling over, my friend.
00:10:34You're scalding.
00:10:35You're an inferno.
00:10:39You hot, hot man!
00:10:41Fireman, fireman, come on, get your hose, get your hose!
00:10:44The hose is coming out!
00:10:52Whoa!
00:10:59You all right?
00:11:00You all right?
00:11:08Hey.
00:11:09Huh?
00:11:10Are you okay?
00:11:11I can't.
00:11:13Why are you making so much noise coming in?
00:11:15I was asleep.
00:11:17I just thought maybe you fell down.
00:11:20I heard you stumble around inside.
00:11:24I was asleep.
00:11:30Okay.
00:11:32Okay.
00:11:59Hey.
00:12:01Hey.
00:12:07Took you long enough.
00:12:09You wouldn't be waiting for me, would you?
00:12:11Well, it's either you or him.
00:12:14Hey.
00:12:30Last call, Ted.
00:12:40Where the hell is Donnie?
00:12:41Has anyone seen Donnie?
00:12:42No, but if you promise me he feels worse than I do, I'll help you look.
00:12:45He probably just slept in.
00:12:46It's not even 6.30.
00:12:47Sleeping in doesn't start till 8.
00:12:49Oh, could you keep it down, please?
00:12:52Where the hell is he?
00:12:57You ladies gonna hit or what?
00:12:59Well, um, our tea time's not for a minute and a half,
00:13:02so if you guys are behind us, it might be a little early.
00:13:09Go ahead.
00:13:10You guys play.
00:13:13You should thank your friend for saving your nose.
00:13:19Must be a gentleman's game.
00:13:21Assholes.
00:13:24Cam, I can't believe you didn't get a golf cart.
00:13:26Told you there's none left.
00:13:27Besides, the walk will do you good.
00:13:30Come on, Ted.
00:13:31You're with friends on a golf course.
00:13:33It doesn't get any better than this.
00:13:35I think I'm gonna throw up.
00:13:37Just don't do it in my backswing.
00:13:40You want a beer?
00:13:42Ah, that's what I'm talking about.
00:13:44Yeah, Teddy.
00:13:45I thought you were hungover.
00:13:46I am, Cam.
00:13:48Quite frankly, they frown on people bringing their own beer onto the course.
00:13:52Of course, Marshall sees this.
00:13:53If they see the beer, they're gonna throw us off the course.
00:13:56It's cold.
00:13:58Okay.
00:14:06Our Father,
00:14:07who art in Augusta,
00:14:09Nicholas be thy name.
00:14:11Thy kingdom come.
00:14:13Thy will be done
00:14:14on greens as it is in fairways.
00:14:17Give us this day our share of birdies
00:14:20and forgive us our gimmies
00:14:22as we forgive those who gimme against us.
00:14:25Lead us not into the deep rough
00:14:27and deliver us from sand traps.
00:14:30For we drive for power
00:14:32and putt for glory
00:14:34forever and ever.
00:14:36Amen.
00:14:37Sorry.
00:14:42Oh, Christ.
00:14:44Hey!
00:14:45Hey!
00:14:48Sorry I'm late.
00:14:50I had to rent clubs
00:14:51and then I got lost
00:14:52and then I had a religious experience
00:14:54and then I got lost again.
00:14:55Okay, okay, Donnie, okay.
00:14:56We're gonna play some golf, alright?
00:14:57Relax.
00:14:58You guys are drinking beer?
00:15:00Yep.
00:15:01It's seven in the morning.
00:15:02Yeah, you want one?
00:15:03Sure.
00:15:08Okay, Donnie.
00:15:09How about you and I will be partners?
00:15:11We'll kick their fat asses, huh?
00:15:13I'm not that hungover.
00:15:15Ah, so you guys got some spare change?
00:15:18You want to play a couple bucks a hole?
00:15:20What do you say we play ten bucks a hole
00:15:22and fifty for the game?
00:15:25How about we play
00:15:27fifty bucks a hole
00:15:30and five hundred for the game?
00:15:33Uh, I've never golfed before.
00:15:36Yeah, that's a bit steep.
00:15:38Bit steep.
00:15:39And, uh, I don't see why Donnie and I
00:15:41have to be dragged into you and Rick's pissing match.
00:15:45Cam, didn't you hear what Donnie just said?
00:15:47He's never played before.
00:15:49It's a win-win.
00:15:50You get to leave here with a pile of scratch
00:15:52and we get to kick his cocky ass.
00:15:55Okay.
00:15:57Alright, so who's away first?
00:15:59Well, let's let the rookie go first, huh?
00:16:01Step into my office.
00:16:04Alright, Donnie boy.
00:16:06You want to stand at a comfortable distance from the ball.
00:16:09Not so close where you're going to jam yourself.
00:16:11But you don't want to be reaching either.
00:16:13Okay.
00:16:14Let me see your grip.
00:16:15That's your grip?
00:16:16It's a freaking hockey grip.
00:16:17That's my grip.
00:16:18Let me see this.
00:16:19Come here. Give me this finger.
00:16:20Wrap this around that finger.
00:16:21I'm hitting a ball with a stick.
00:16:22How hard can that be?
00:16:28Okay, Donnie.
00:16:29Try to keep your eye on the ball, huh?
00:16:32Okay, okay, okay.
00:16:34Are you going to hit the ball
00:16:35or are you just going to scare it?
00:16:37Okay.
00:16:42Come on!
00:16:46What the?
00:16:47Alright!
00:16:49Get us off to a good start now.
00:16:51Lots of fairway out there.
00:16:53Just pick your spot.
00:16:54Find some grass.
00:16:56Don't get too close.
00:16:58Just pick your spot.
00:17:00Find some grass.
00:17:01Right down the center, teddy bear.
00:17:03Lots of grass out there.
00:17:04Lots of fairway.
00:17:05Right down the center, teddy bear.
00:17:09Sorry.
00:17:12Teddy!
00:17:13Nice shot.
00:17:14Okay, I'm catching on.
00:17:15Tree's bad.
00:17:19Good ball.
00:17:24Nice shot, Cam.
00:17:25Good one, Cam.
00:17:28The pressure's really on now, huh?
00:17:30Nice shot.
00:17:31Alright.
00:17:32Take out your no pants.
00:17:34Your lesson begins.
00:17:36Come on, Rick.
00:17:48Man, Rick.
00:17:53I didn't get it all.
00:17:55Shut up.
00:17:58The battle has begun.
00:18:07Hey.
00:18:08Hey.
00:18:09So beautiful out here, huh?
00:18:12No, I said it's really pretty.
00:18:16You're so sweet.
00:18:18I'm glad I came.
00:18:19I almost let Ted come by himself, but sometimes I forget how nice it is to get out of the city for a while.
00:18:24Yeah.
00:18:26Well, see ya.
00:18:36I was just warming up before.
00:18:38Oh, great.
00:18:39We can run together.
00:18:40Yeah.
00:18:41I haven't had a home cooked meal in a couple years.
00:18:42So I tried all these recipes, but as much as I hate to admit it, Ted's mom's really is the best.
00:18:46Do you ever bake your own bread?
00:18:48No.
00:18:49I think it's really relaxing.
00:18:50Yeah.
00:18:52It's really relaxing.
00:18:55How's the computer business treating you?
00:18:57Not bad.
00:18:58We've outfitted 15 companies so far this year.
00:19:00Top to bottom?
00:19:02You know, Ted, I never figured you for a computer nerd.
00:19:05I'm not, Rick.
00:19:06I'm the guy who hires the computer nerds.
00:19:09Oh.
00:19:10Lord of the nerds.
00:19:11Yeah.
00:19:14I never intended to end up in hardware, but I got the job right out of college, and I like it.
00:19:20What about you, Cam?
00:19:21You like your job?
00:19:22Yeah.
00:19:23Yeah, it's fun.
00:19:24Yeah.
00:19:25Boy, who would have thought one of us would wind up in television, huh?
00:19:29Yeah, well, I'm not actually in television.
00:19:31I just sell the commercial time.
00:19:33Well, it's still television.
00:19:34I mean, you're hanging out there with the personalities, all the stars.
00:19:37Well, they're in another part of the building, Donny.
00:19:40Yeah, but you must see them in the studio every once in a while.
00:19:42No, they don't let us in the studio.
00:19:45Oh.
00:19:46Well, parties then.
00:19:48Parties?
00:19:49No, they don't invite us to parties.
00:19:52Boy, TV sucks.
00:19:57You know, Cam, you're another guy I can't figure out.
00:19:59Huh?
00:20:01Why not?
00:20:02Just don't strike me as the sales type.
00:20:04I mean, let's face it, we're not always 100% up front with our customers.
00:20:09I mean, sometimes you gotta have that poker face for those times you're fudging a bit on the truth.
00:20:13You don't have that.
00:20:15What?
00:20:17Poker face.
00:20:19Sorry, Cam.
00:20:22Sell television ads, Rick.
00:20:24Not like I'm trying to get people into my tent to see Cho-Cho the dog face boy.
00:20:30Okay, you're off the green.
00:20:37Ah! Got under it.
00:20:39The old elephant's ass. High and stinky.
00:20:43Sorry, Ted.
00:20:44Guess it's up to you now.
00:20:46Sorry, Ted.
00:20:47Guess it's up to you.
00:20:48Yep, no problem.
00:20:50Watch this.
00:20:56So, Ted, the second marriage is going okay, is it?
00:20:59Yep.
00:21:00Ah, good. Good, good, good.
00:21:06Because you want to get right back upon that horse when you fall off.
00:21:09Not to say that your wife is a horse.
00:21:11I just meant she's more like a pony.
00:21:14Do you mind?
00:21:16By all means.
00:21:26Oh, that's too bad.
00:21:27That is a shame.
00:21:31So, Michael, that's our 11-year-old, remember, decides he wants to play organized hockey.
00:21:36So we let him try out, and damned if he didn't make the Pee-Wee All-Stars first year...
00:21:43Incredible.
00:21:46Incredible. Couldn't say better myself.
00:21:4915 feet from the pin.
00:21:51All right, so, uh, which club should I use?
00:21:54All right, Donny, go with this.
00:21:56Okay.
00:21:57Just not swing easy. Don't try and kill it.
00:21:59Swing easy, right.
00:22:00Nice and easy.
00:22:06Please put me out of my misery.
00:22:08Try this.
00:22:10Okay.
00:22:15All right, Donny, that's better.
00:22:16Am I on the green?
00:22:17You're in the bunker.
00:22:19Oh, shit.
00:22:20Incredible.
00:22:21I'll start with you.
00:22:23Come on.
00:22:30I like to sprint the last few hundred yards.
00:22:34Oh.
00:22:36Yeah? Me too!
00:22:41Hey, look, Ted, your wife's racing Cam's wife.
00:22:45Kick her ass, honey.
00:22:48You better get one of those new, improved, younger wives, Cam.
00:22:52I might have to. I think Lori's gonna have a heart attack.
00:23:06Yeah!
00:23:09Yes!
00:23:10No! No, no, no, no.
00:23:12Thank you, gentlemen.
00:23:13That was great.
00:23:15I'm gonna go shower up, then maybe we can get some breakfast?
00:23:18Okay.
00:23:28Man, these guys ahead of us are slow.
00:23:32Hey, Donny, ask them if they'll let us play through.
00:23:35Should I?
00:23:36Yeah, sure.
00:23:38You think so?
00:23:39Yeah, it's etiquette. They'll let you.
00:23:41Don't worry, Cam's good buddies with that guy.
00:23:44You gotta ask.
00:23:45All right.
00:23:50Hey, guys!
00:23:52Can we play through?
00:23:54Oh, I think they're gonna let us. They're waving.
00:23:56That's not exactly a wave, Donny.
00:23:58Donny, go ahead and hit the ball. They're out of range.
00:24:01All right.
00:24:02Wait a minute, now. They're still only 90 yards out.
00:24:05I mean, they're out of Donny's range.
00:24:07Here we go.
00:24:12Here, try it with one of these.
00:24:24Shit!
00:24:26Shit!
00:24:28Shit!
00:24:29Shit!
00:24:32Shit!
00:24:33It was probably the rental clubs.
00:24:35Yeah, that's it.
00:24:42Ball!
00:24:47Guys?
00:24:50Oh, shit.
00:24:55Okay.
00:24:59Where'd it go?
00:25:01Where?
00:25:02About four feet, six inches. Right in that big tree.
00:25:04Four feet, six inches?
00:25:06That's over 200 yards away. How do you know it's four feet, six inches?
00:25:09It's got 40-20 vision.
00:25:10What?
00:25:1140-20 vision. I've always had 40-20 vision.
00:25:13What color undies am I wearing?
00:25:14You're not wearing any undies, Rick.
00:25:16That's good.
00:25:18What kind of money are you making in this computer biz, Ted?
00:25:21I'm doing all right.
00:25:25So, what, six figures?
00:25:28Well, Rick, I'd rather keep that to myself if you don't mind.
00:25:32Sorry, Ted. I didn't mean to get personal.
00:25:34It's all right.
00:25:35Hey, Donny, try moving your left foot closer to the ball.
00:25:39A little closer.
00:25:47Oh, shit!
00:25:50Oh, not that close.
00:25:51Ow! Ow!
00:25:56God.
00:25:57So, Ted, do you invest any of your own money?
00:26:01Yeah, I got someone who handles all that, Rick.
00:26:03Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:26:04So, I got a little something going on down south that you might want to sink a couple bucks into.
00:26:08Yeah, sink being the operative word.
00:26:10No, no, I'm serious.
00:26:11I was wondering when this was going to happen.
00:26:13What?
00:26:14What? What do you mean, what?
00:26:16Scheme, Rick. You schemed your way through college.
00:26:19Yeah, well, this isn't a scheme, all right? It's a business opportunity.
00:26:23And I'm telling you right now, a guy willing to take a chance, say, five, six thousand dollars,
00:26:27he'll come away with some big money on this one.
00:26:32All right, Rick, you got my curiosity up.
00:26:34What is it?
00:26:36Eh, just a little venture. I'm trying to get going on the side.
00:26:39Ooh, venture.
00:26:44Nice one!
00:26:45Oh, man!
00:26:47So, what do you think, Ted? Are you interested?
00:26:49Well, I think I'm going to need a little more information, Rick.
00:26:52Well, it has to do with the Brazilian pepper tree.
00:26:56The what?
00:26:57The Brazilian pepper tree. It's this tree with these berries.
00:27:00When the birds eat them, they get high.
00:27:02High?
00:27:03You mean like in, uh...
00:27:06Doped?
00:27:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:27:08They're in big demand down in Florida because when the birds get high, they sing more.
00:27:13So people are buying up these trees, planting them in their backyards to get the birds to sing more.
00:27:17I got one up in the room. Do you guys want to check it out?
00:27:19I got this guy as well to take two trips every month to Brazil to bring back a whack of these trees on his boat.
00:27:25Then we sell them for about 50 bucks a pop on the street.
00:27:28Is this legal?
00:27:30Eh, it's kind of a gray area right now.
00:27:33And we're going to sell these berries on the street corners?
00:27:38Yes!
00:27:39Good shot.
00:27:40So, in other words, you're selling drugs to birds.
00:27:44Not exactly.
00:27:45Well, you said it gets them high and it's not really legal, so that would make you a bird drug dealer.
00:27:53No, no, no, no.
00:27:54So do the little birds get hooked on this stuff?
00:27:57What do you mean hooked? They're birds.
00:27:59You don't sell these drugs to young birds, do you?
00:28:02They're not drugs. They're berries.
00:28:04If you are, you know, you can leave the harder stuff and the next thing you know, you've got all these bird crack houses all over the place.
00:28:10Yeah, and then we're having turf wars over whose corner's whose.
00:28:16You know what? Forget it. You guys are assholes.
00:28:20Hey, hey, come on. I'll take a berry, too. Come on.
00:28:24Sounds promising, Rick.
00:28:39Look at that. Nothing jiggles.
00:28:43Do you remember when we used to look like that?
00:28:45No, the part that would let me remember jiggled and broke off.
00:28:49I got a chance to talk to her last night. She's really nice.
00:28:51Oh, well, I got a chance to run with her this morning.
00:28:53She knows how good she looks. She's just trying to make us feel old.
00:28:56Honey, we are older. I mean, we're not as old as her, but we're closer to her than we are to Karen.
00:29:03I don't know. I feel the same way I did in college.
00:29:05Yeah, well, you are the exception. I think you look better now than you did in college.
00:29:09You've lost a ton of weight since then.
00:29:11So the secret to weight loss is having a thousand kids?
00:29:13Yeah, either that or the sex. Sex really burns it off.
00:29:16Oh, well, not the way I do it.
00:29:18Sex doesn't burn calories.
00:29:20Oh, it sure does.
00:29:21Well, I mean, you've got to move around, and you've got to do it a lot.
00:29:25Well, how often do you do it?
00:29:27Um, a couple times a day. More if Donnie comes home at lunch.
00:29:30Are you kidding?
00:29:32Yeah. Sometimes, you know, when it's nut collecting season, he gets behind me and does the...
00:29:37Well, we like sex.
00:29:40What?
00:29:41Well, you must have a lot of sex. I remember in school, you loved sex.
00:29:44Ah, yes. I was a slut.
00:29:46I didn't mean that.
00:29:48No, it is true. I was a slut, but not anymore. Sex isn't a part of my life anymore.
00:29:54Really?
00:29:55Oh, I don't know.
00:29:57What are you girls talking about?
00:29:58Sex.
00:29:59Pedicures.
00:30:00Mostly sex.
00:30:01Love them both.
00:30:08Ten.
00:30:10Play ten holes, and we're down 500 bucks.
00:30:13What, are you going to have another one of your spaz attacks? Don't worry about it.
00:30:15I'm not worried. I just like to win a few holes, that's all.
00:30:18Okay, we'll start right here. We'll press.
00:30:20Uh, why?
00:30:21We can press, right?
00:30:24Yeah, sure, if you want.
00:30:26Press?
00:30:27Yeah, a press gives the losing team an opportunity to start a new bet from the point of the press.
00:30:33Kind of evens things out.
00:30:35What happens to the original bet?
00:30:37We win it all. 500 for the first ten holes, another 500 for the game.
00:30:42Sounds fair to me.
00:30:43Let's, uh, double it from here.
00:30:45Oh, come on, Ted. Let's not get carried away here.
00:30:47Come on, Cam, it's under control. We win the next eight holes, we win 800 bucks, plus a grand for the new game.
00:30:53Money in the bank, pal.
00:30:55Okay, this is a par three, 180 yards.
00:30:59So, uh, Rick, you don't get up this way much, huh?
00:31:03No, I, uh, I've been back two or three times over the past couple years.
00:31:16Oh, it's on. Is it on?
00:31:19Eight feet from the pin.
00:31:21Yes!
00:31:23So why didn't you call any of us?
00:31:26Well, you know, Donnie doesn't live here anymore.
00:31:29I do.
00:31:30I'm only two hours away. I would have driven in.
00:31:37Nice shot, Ted.
00:31:39You're on the fringe.
00:31:41I just don't get it.
00:31:43Come back, you don't call.
00:31:45It's weekend trips, Cam, and I'm just visiting some people.
00:31:49What people? Who likes you besides us?
00:31:52Ted's right.
00:31:53Who else would put up with you other than the three of us and Suzanne?
00:31:57Oh, so it must be Suzanne, right?
00:32:01What's going on between you two?
00:32:03Nothing, nothing.
00:32:05She called me after a divorce, and I came up here to visit her a couple times.
00:32:10It's no big deal.
00:32:11Come on, who's up?
00:32:12Cam, let's go.
00:32:21Yeah! There you go!
00:32:24Yeah!
00:32:26All right, Donnie.
00:32:27Three hundred.
00:32:28Okay.
00:32:35All right, Donnie, this is where you catch fire, baby. Come on.
00:32:38Fire?
00:32:47No chance of you losing that one.
00:32:49Shit, I didn't even make it past the women's team.
00:32:53I don't know how you can play this game.
00:32:55Golf sucks.
00:32:56Oh, Donnie, we're in some trouble.
00:32:58You tried to get past the ladies' tees.
00:33:00You know the rule.
00:33:01What? What rule?
00:33:02You gotta play the rest of the hole with your little friend now.
00:33:05My little... you mean my...
00:33:08Gotta whip it out, Donnie.
00:33:10My little... little friend, you mean my...
00:33:12You don't want us to get kicked off course, do you?
00:33:15That's rules, Donnie. You gotta hang the rat.
00:33:17Hurry up, Donnie.
00:33:18Come on, Donnie.
00:33:26How y'all doing?
00:33:27Good, good.
00:33:29Y'all here for that reunion?
00:33:31Yeah, class of 85.
00:33:33My name's Tyler Taylor. I'm the course marshal here.
00:33:35My grandpapa owns the course.
00:33:37So if y'all need anything,
00:33:40and I'm talking about anything,
00:33:42I'll be around all day and...
00:33:46all night.
00:33:49So are you and Susan getting back together or not?
00:33:52Not.
00:33:53Why?
00:33:54Personal.
00:33:56Oh, I get it. So you're a lousy lay, that's it, huh?
00:33:59Yeah, he probably falls asleep right after.
00:34:02Laurie fell asleep during once.
00:34:04She what?
00:34:05Yeah. Dozed right off.
00:34:08What'd you do?
00:34:09Tried to be as quiet as I could.
00:34:13Okay.
00:34:14You know, Donnie, we don't have to play your ball.
00:34:16No, no, I'm good. I'm good. I'm starting to like this.
00:34:19I can't look.
00:34:21Tell me when he's down.
00:34:24Ah!
00:34:26He's down.
00:34:27Can somebody help me?
00:34:30Ed, you do know that we're down $700, plus another $1,000 for the game.
00:34:35Cam, get off my back, okay?
00:34:37Well, I can't afford to lose that much.
00:34:39What do you mean you can't afford to lose that much?
00:34:41Well, with Laurie out of work, I have to be frugal.
00:34:44Get the frugal out of my face, okay?
00:34:50More left!
00:34:52Damn!
00:34:53You finally screwed one up.
00:34:58Oh, my God.
00:34:59Oh, my God.
00:35:01That's got to be 260 yards.
00:35:04Oh, my God!
00:35:06Not bad, Ted.
00:35:08Excuse me?
00:35:10Not bad?
00:35:12Yeah, not bad.
00:35:14Oh, come on. That was a monster drive.
00:35:17I said it was good. What do you want from me?
00:35:19No, no, no, no.
00:35:20You said not bad.
00:35:22All right, it was good. It was good.
00:35:27One good shot at an 18.
00:35:29Okay, all right. Let's make this interesting.
00:35:32Interesting?
00:35:33Yeah.
00:35:35How interesting?
00:35:36Let's say another 18.
00:35:38What?
00:35:39Yeah, Cam will book the tee time.
00:35:41Give us a chance to win our money back.
00:35:43I can't book another tee time. I mean, this is the only tee time left today.
00:35:46All right, we'll play another 18 tomorrow.
00:35:48I can't, I can't, I can't afford to lose another 4,000 bucks.
00:35:51Cam, it's all right. We're not going to lose a cent.
00:35:54Ooh, bravado. I like it.
00:35:57All right, Ted, you're on.
00:35:59Good.
00:36:00Donnie, we get to keep the same partners, right?
00:36:02Oh, yeah.
00:36:03Okay.
00:36:04Good. We're on, then.
00:36:09Well, is anyone going to ask me?
00:36:11Take it up with your partner. He issued the challenge.
00:36:15What are you doing?
00:36:17Cam, I've got my driver working now.
00:36:19Between the two of us, we are going to kick their asses.
00:36:23I don't know.
00:36:24You worry too much. You always have.
00:36:26That's not true.
00:36:27Yeah, it is.
00:36:28Really?
00:36:29Really.
00:36:30Well, that's not good.
00:36:31I mean, too much worry is not good for you.
00:36:33It can lead to stress, which can lead to high blood pressure, and then a heart attack.
00:36:38Yeah, well, at least you've got something legitimate to worry about.
00:36:43Way to go, Ted.
00:36:47You hit that bad shot on purpose, didn't you?
00:36:50What makes you say that?
00:36:51Oh, come on. You're a hustler.
00:36:52You hit a bad shot and let Ted think this was his chance to win some money.
00:36:55Yeah, hustler's such a nasty word.
00:36:57I prefer opportunist.
00:36:59I can't believe you, Rick.
00:37:01You'd hustle your own friends like they were a couple of bumpkins?
00:37:05When money's involved, there are no friends.
00:37:07So you'd pull something like this just so you and I can win a couple of extra bucks?
00:37:12God!
00:37:13You know what I would call someone who would do something like that?
00:37:16What?
00:37:18Partner.
00:37:47Yeah!
00:37:56How do I get the feeling that it's not the first time they wore those clothes since 1985?
00:38:02Wow, Donnie and Peggy are really good dancers.
00:38:05Yeah, vertical and horizontal.
00:38:07Oh, nicely put.
00:38:10Look how much fun they're having.
00:38:13This suit fits so good.
00:38:15Well, Rick, do you know how many of these parties I get invited to?
00:38:20Karen's friends think it's retro.
00:38:23I just bought this suit so I wouldn't smell like mothballs.
00:38:31So does that mean you can dance like Donnie?
00:38:33Well, yeah, I got a little move.
00:38:35I call it the bottomless cup of love.
00:38:43The usual, Mr. Renton?
00:38:48Hey, let's go dance.
00:38:50I think I'm going to fork it.
00:38:54Come on, Kim.
00:38:55Show us some of those old school moves.
00:39:00May I?
00:39:01Lori, welcome to my house.
00:39:05Shot of bourbon?
00:39:06Thanks.
00:39:11Refill?
00:39:12You're a thirsty girl.
00:39:13So Cam tells me you guys are doing pretty well.
00:39:17You got, what, one kid?
00:39:19Ted, let's not have one of those awkward conversations that people have
00:39:23when they're accidentally paired up with the spouse of a friend, okay?
00:39:26I'm not Cam's wife here.
00:39:28Think of me as just a friend.
00:39:31I'm not Cam's wife here.
00:39:33Think of me as just another drunk at the bar.
00:39:37Got it.
00:39:42So what's it like to be married to somebody so much younger?
00:39:46Well, I think you should mind your own business, asshole.
00:39:51What?
00:39:52Well, I'm not going to discuss my personal life with just another drunk at the bar.
00:40:01Ted, really, what's the sex really like, huh?
00:40:05Well, it's much better now that we got rid of the braces.
00:40:13Don't touch the hair.
00:40:16Yeah.
00:40:17That's him. That's that creepy Corse Marshall.
00:40:19Beep. Beep. Beep.
00:40:25Ted, has it ever occurred to you that you might have a drinking problem?
00:40:31Yeah.
00:40:42Honey.
00:40:50Honey.
00:41:02You need to calm down.
00:41:03Alright, you're getting a little crazy.
00:41:05I haven't gone crazy for the last 20 years.
00:41:07A little bit crazy doesn't even come close to night Cam.
00:41:11I am finally having fun again.
00:41:13Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright.
00:41:15Alright, but I think you're freaking out our friends.
00:41:19Believe me, I need to freak out a little bit, huh?
00:41:22You too, huh? Freak out!
00:41:40Where are you going?
00:41:42I'm going to the bathroom to splash some water in my face and see if I can't slobber up a little bit.
00:41:50Good idea!
00:41:52Slobber up!
00:41:54Daddy!
00:42:18Lori!
00:42:20Smells like moth balls.
00:42:22Yeah, that's probably me.
00:42:25Rick, I have a confession to make.
00:42:28You're really a janitor?
00:42:30No.
00:42:32Of all the boys in college, you're the one I wanted to have sex with the most.
00:42:38That sounds really tempting Lori, but we really should be getting back.
00:42:42But I am going back.
00:42:44I'm going back.
00:42:46Right now.
00:42:47Back in time.
00:42:50To the good times.
00:42:53Okay.
00:42:55What are you doing?
00:42:58I'm trying to do you.
00:43:02Oh, sorry.
00:43:03Hey, glass off!
00:43:04Okay.
00:43:09I'm not cleaning up after you guys.
00:43:23Come on.
00:43:35Let's go.
00:43:44Come on.
00:43:46Where are you taking me?
00:43:48Come on honey, let's go back inside.
00:43:51Oh, come on Cam.
00:43:52Don't you want to make love to your wife?
00:43:55I do.
00:43:57People could see us and...
00:44:05You're not wearing any underwear.
00:44:08No, I'm not.
00:44:12Alright.
00:44:16You know baby, I'm not a kid anymore.
00:44:19I'm ready to take on responsibility for my actions.
00:44:24What's that supposed to mean?
00:44:29It means I want to get married.
00:44:32I want to have a family with you.
00:44:38Tonight's about the past. Let's enjoy it.
00:44:42Leave the future to Nostradamus.
00:44:49Come here.
00:45:02I have been waiting to do that a long, long time.
00:45:08I know baby.
00:45:14What kind of balls are these?
00:45:16I don't know, they were on sale.
00:45:18They're fluorescent.
00:45:19Yeah, well the guy inside said they'd be easier to find in the woods.
00:45:22Reputation procedure.
00:45:27Lori was certainly having a good time last night.
00:45:30Oh yeah, she's been on this soy vegan diet, so...
00:45:33Last night was the first time she's had a drink in ten years.
00:45:36Did you get lucky?
00:45:39Oh yeah.
00:45:41Yeah, they're easy pickings when they're drunk, huh?
00:45:43Yeah, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you Rick?
00:45:47Hey, you guys remember when we were talking about the girls we wanted to sleep with in school?
00:45:54Well, I know I'm partial here, but I'm kind of surprised none of you picked Lori.
00:46:00Cam, are you asking us if we wanted to sleep with your wife?
00:46:04Yeah. I mean, Lori was one of the best looking girls on campus.
00:46:08Oh yeah, she was hot. She was great. Beautiful.
00:46:12So, why didn't none of you pick her?
00:46:15Well, like Ted said, she's your wife.
00:46:17Yeah, I mean, come on. We're not going to talk about a guy's wife like that, are we?
00:46:20Yeah, that's ridiculous.
00:46:22Alright guys, come on. We're up. Let's play some golf, huh?
00:46:25Yeah, sure.
00:46:26So you did want to pick her, right?
00:46:28Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, sure. Yeah.
00:46:30Yeah. I knew it. You were just being polite.
00:46:34Cam, come on. Get serious. Lori? I mean, Lori was on everybody's list, right?
00:46:40She was on mine.
00:46:42Yeah.
00:46:43Oh yeah, mine too.
00:46:45Yeah. Figured as much.
00:46:48Come on. We were young. Eighteen. Eighteen till we die.
00:46:54Hey, let's sing.
00:46:55Where the hell did that come from?
00:46:56You remember that song we did at the Red and Gray Review in our last year.
00:46:59No, I don't remember it.
00:47:00Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, you do.
00:47:03That song was the defining moment in our friendship.
00:47:05Four guys who couldn't carry a tune in the back of a pickup truck standing on that stage in front of fifteen hundred people.
00:47:11That's the moment that bound us together for the rest of our lives, as far as I'm concerned.
00:47:17Yeah. Yeah, let's sing it.
00:47:19You wanna?
00:47:20Yeah.
00:47:21Okay.
00:47:22Wanna be young for the rest of my life.
00:47:26Never say no.
00:47:27Try anything twice.
00:47:29Gonna be eighteen till I die.
00:47:33Gonna be eighteen till I die.
00:47:40Come on, you guys. This is embarrassing. Let's go.
00:47:42Yeah, I'll drink to that.
00:47:43Alright, it's long par five.
00:47:49Yeah, finally. My partner has come alive.
00:47:53It's these new balls. That was my problem. I was playing with old balls.
00:47:56Yeah, you and Ted's new wife.
00:48:04See?
00:48:06Now why can't I do that? I hate this game.
00:48:09Yeah, we all hate this game, Donnie.
00:48:12Isn't that right, guys?
00:48:13Hate it.
00:48:14Love it.
00:48:15Then why do you play it?
00:48:18Why?
00:48:21Well, because every once in a while, you hit that shot.
00:48:26And you know what?
00:48:28Well, because every once in a while, you hit that shot.
00:48:33That perfect shot that keeps us coming back.
00:48:37Like that drive that starts out low and rises above the horizon.
00:48:43And when it finally lands in the center of the yawning fairway, it seems to pick up speed.
00:48:48As if God himself were pushing it towards the awaiting green.
00:48:53Hmm.
00:48:55Or maybe it's that chip shot.
00:48:59It leaves the club face without barely a whisper.
00:49:04And lands softly on the lush green, nestling to within five feet of the cup.
00:49:10Like a lazy old dog nestling up to his master.
00:49:13Hmm.
00:49:20Of course, there's my personal favorite.
00:49:23The birdie putt.
00:49:25The tapping sound as putter meets ball.
00:49:28And that dimpled sphere winds its way towards the hole, kissing the bottom of the cup.
00:49:33With a sound every bit as sweet as an angel's song.
00:49:37These are the shots that keep us coming back week after week, giddy as schoolgirls.
00:49:43That's why we play this game, my friend.
00:49:46Not because we want to.
00:49:48But because we must.
00:49:50We must.
00:50:05Ah, the old worm burner.
00:50:07Shit!
00:50:10So, uh, when are you gonna head back, Rick?
00:50:13I'll probably stick around till Tuesday or Wednesday.
00:50:16That long, huh?
00:50:17Yeah, I got some business to take care of while I'm in town.
00:50:20Business?
00:50:22Personal business? Business business?
00:50:25Personal.
00:50:26So, uh, what kind of personal business?
00:50:28Look, Ted, if you're trying to break my concentration, I'm very cool under pressure.
00:50:33That's right. They used to call him the Cucumber.
00:50:36That's not why they called me that, Ken.
00:50:38Why'd they call you the Cucumber?
00:50:42Oh!
00:50:45Nice!
00:50:48Oh!
00:50:54Oh, my God! I killed the beer girls!
00:51:01Oh, my God! God, the cars!
00:51:04They're coming!
00:51:07I'm coming!
00:51:12Ted!
00:51:15Wait, wait, wait, wait!
00:51:18I got you, I got you!
00:51:23Ted, wait up!
00:51:24No, no, wait up!
00:51:27Ken, get in!
00:51:29All right, let's go!
00:51:31Hold on, girls!
00:51:33They're coming!
00:51:36Hello? Hi.
00:51:39Come on, Rick.
00:51:40Closer! Closer!
00:51:41Get your head down!
00:51:42Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:51:44Come on! Watch the keys!
00:51:46Hurry up, you guys!
00:51:51Shit!
00:51:53Hang on!
00:51:55Closer!
00:52:09Go, Ken! Go for it, Ken! Go for it!
00:52:15Yes, got it, got it!
00:52:19Girls, you all right? You okay?
00:52:22You all right?
00:52:24Hey, daddy, see if there's any ice in that thing, in these pops.
00:52:28Just some popsicles.
00:52:29All right, that'll do, that'll do.
00:52:32Orange or strawberry?
00:52:33Just give me the damn popsicle!
00:52:34Okay!
00:52:36What happened?
00:52:38I, uh...
00:52:39You fell out of a car.
00:52:41You bumped your head.
00:52:42You should put that on there.
00:52:44Just a little bump, okay?
00:52:46Thanks.
00:52:48You guys want anything?
00:52:51Uh...
00:52:52Yeah, I guess we'll have some beer, huh?
00:52:54A couple beers?
00:52:55Sure, sure.
00:52:56Beer.
00:52:57What the hell's going on here, boss?
00:52:59Who took my car?
00:53:00Uh...
00:53:01It's these damn cars!
00:53:02You gotta get these things fixed,
00:53:03or you're gonna get someone killed.
00:53:04They're irresponsible!
00:53:05Uh, there was just a little...
00:53:08Listen, I've got something that I know you'll love.
00:53:12You did?
00:53:15How do I know you're telling the truth, Bubba?
00:53:19I wouldn't lie.
00:53:22Cheers.
00:53:24Oh, shit.
00:53:26Sexy, Donnie.
00:53:27It's very sexy.
00:53:35God, why would we have a reunion in November?
00:53:37I think I'm getting sick.
00:53:38All golfers are sick, Donnie.
00:53:40You know,
00:53:41I think I'm gonna try and get my mic fixed.
00:53:43Think I'm gonna try and get my Michael interested in medicine?
00:53:45Or golf.
00:53:46He could be a golfing doctor.
00:53:48That's unique.
00:53:49I mean, he's smart.
00:53:51And he seems to have some natural ability in athletics.
00:53:54I think he might be good at this.
00:53:55Is that all you can talk about?
00:53:56What?
00:53:57Your family, your kids.
00:53:58That's all you've talked about since we got here.
00:54:00Could you talk about something else, please?
00:54:06What was all that about?
00:54:08Come on, Donnie.
00:54:09The guy's shooting blanks.
00:54:10We're walking around with loaded cannons.
00:54:13What?
00:54:21You want to know the truth, Donnie?
00:54:22I kind of envy some of you.
00:54:24Really?
00:54:25Yeah.
00:54:26The way you talk about your life.
00:54:28It's exactly what I want in my life.
00:54:30I just can't seem to get it.
00:54:32Any chance of you and Suzanne getting back together?
00:54:35Why not?
00:54:37She says I'm the kind of guy a woman doesn't want to marry.
00:54:40You asked her to marry you?
00:54:41Yeah, three or four times over the years.
00:54:43She says she wants to have sex with me.
00:54:45That's it.
00:54:47Hold on.
00:54:49Did I hear that right?
00:54:50Suzanne wants to have sex with you, but she doesn't want any commitment.
00:54:53Yeah.
00:54:54Oh, now I'm really depressed.
00:54:57A woman wants you as a plaything?
00:54:59You're a boy toy, man.
00:55:00That's a perfect situation.
00:55:02Yeah, well, she was the only long-term relationship I ever had.
00:55:05I kind of hoped for something more.
00:55:08You know what I think?
00:55:10I think you should cut her off.
00:55:13Huh?
00:55:14Cut her off.
00:55:16Tell her, no more fooling around until she makes an honest man out of you.
00:55:20Yeah?
00:55:21Absolutely.
00:55:23Right now, she's getting the steak for free, so why should she buy the bull?
00:55:26Tell her that.
00:55:27Donnie, that ain't gonna work.
00:55:29Women aren't like men.
00:55:30They can get that T-bone steak any time they want.
00:55:32A woman just has to ask, and we oblige.
00:55:34Now, a man, on the other hand, he has to prove himself worthy.
00:55:37He has to woo, he has to charm, he has to impress, he has to sweet talk.
00:55:41And then maybe, if he's lucky, he gets a green light.
00:55:43Women?
00:55:44Should they just say, you want her?
00:55:46And we're like, uh-huh, yep, yep, yep.
00:55:50Am I right, Rick?
00:55:51Uh-huh, uh-huh, yep, yep, yep, yep.
00:55:53Uh-huh, uh-huh.
00:55:54Uh-huh.
00:55:55Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
00:55:57Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
00:55:59So you guys haven't seen Ted for some time.
00:56:01Does he seem different to you at all?
00:56:02We all seem different.
00:56:04We're older.
00:56:05No, seriously, does he seem more, I don't know, serene?
00:56:09Where are you going with this?
00:56:11We recently converted to Buddhism.
00:56:13Converted from what?
00:56:15Well, from nothing, I guess.
00:56:17Is there a ceremony for that?
00:56:19Do Buddhists get baptized?
00:56:21Yeah, in soy milk.
00:56:22I just wanted to give him some focus, you know, a way to find his center, a place to meditate.
00:56:27So, are you going to have children?
00:56:30Oh, we can't.
00:56:31Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:56:32Oh, it's no big deal. I'm going to be artificially inseminated.
00:56:35Anyway, the last time I saw you, you were with John, and now you're with Rick. What gives?
00:56:40John left me.
00:56:42No, no, it's okay. I mean, he had every right to leave me.
00:56:45I was pregnant with somebody else's kid.
00:56:49Katie is now seven, and Rick is the father.
00:56:53No!
00:56:54But he doesn't know this.
00:56:57But you're back together.
00:56:58Aren't you going to tell him?
00:56:59No! Call me old-fashioned. I just believe the father of my daughter should be a grown-up.
00:57:09I'm starting to see what Ted sees in her.
00:57:11Well, if she shows me that one more time, I'm going to kick it.
00:57:15The numbness is working its way up my arm.
00:57:18Do I look pale to you? Do I have any color in my cheeks?
00:57:21Cam, I'm not going to look at your cheeks. You want someone to look at your cheeks, I'll call the course marshal.
00:57:25No, not him.
00:57:27My hand's shaking so much, I can't write.
00:57:29Is that why you missed the last putt?
00:57:31Hey, you missed it, too.
00:57:32Yeah, but I got us close in the first place.
00:57:34Come on, Donnie, hurry up. It's getting dark out.
00:57:40Oh, the old Bobbitt's wife. The wicked slice. That's one broad I wouldn't want to fool around with.
00:57:46Yeah, she's probably the only one.
00:57:49Huh.
00:57:56What's this?
00:57:57Picture of Laurie.
00:58:00It's nice. Nice.
00:58:02She, uh, she still looks good, huh?
00:58:06Yeah, yeah. Beautiful. Stunning.
00:58:09Yeah, even better than the T-shirt.
00:58:12So, which one of you guys slept with her?
00:58:14What?
00:58:15Laurie, my wife. One of you guys slept with her.
00:58:20Cam, what are you talking about?
00:58:21When I asked you back in college which girl you wanted to sleep with, you never did.
00:58:26Not one of you mentioned Laurie's name.
00:58:29Yeah, and we told you the reason why.
00:58:31I don't buy that. I think the two of you know about the one who did sleep with her.
00:58:36Hmm, I don't buy that.
00:58:37I think the two of you know about the one who did sleep with her.
00:58:40So, none of you wanted to mention her name.
00:58:42Can we just play golf?
00:58:44No. We are not playing one more shot.
00:58:49Not one more hole of golf until I get a confession.
00:59:00It was me.
00:59:01I knew it.
00:59:02Rick, what's the matter?
00:59:03What? I want to play golf.
00:59:05I knew it was you. I knew it.
00:59:06Okay.
00:59:07So, can we play now?
00:59:08It's really low, Rick. Low.
00:59:10What? You weren't married to her. You weren't even dating back then.
00:59:13But you could have said something.
00:59:15I mean, I feel like a complete idiot.
00:59:18I'm married for 16 years and not knowing a close friend had slept with my wife.
00:59:23Hey, Cam.
00:59:24No, but you should have said something.
00:59:26A real friend would have said something. I mean, Ted would have said something.
00:59:30Wouldn't you, Ted?
00:59:32Ted, you would have said something, right?
00:59:35Um, no.
00:59:38I'm sure you would have. I mean, you're not like Rick. You got scruples.
00:59:43Well, I guess I don't, Cam, because I didn't say anything to you.
00:59:49What?
00:59:51I slept with Lori.
00:59:53You do?
00:59:54Yeah.
00:59:55Both of you?
00:59:57Well, not at the same time.
00:59:58Shut up!
01:00:01This is unbelievable.
01:00:02You mean to tell me that out of the three of you, Donnie's the only one who hasn't slept with my wife?
01:00:07Oh, God.
01:00:08Donnie, not you, too.
01:00:10Well, actually, Donnie slept with her first.
01:00:12Oh, God, this is unbelievable.
01:00:15Even Donnie slept with her.
01:00:17What do you mean, even Donnie?
01:00:18Not now, Donnie.
01:00:19Well, hey, I'm not a troll over here.
01:00:21What kind of friends are you?
01:00:23I mean, don't you see what this does?
01:00:25It makes a complete sham out of 16 years of marriage.
01:00:29You guys didn't even know each other.
01:00:31After she met you, all other guys were history.
01:00:35Right, guys?
01:00:38What, Donnie, what is it?
01:00:40You keep giving me these looks.
01:00:42You got something to say, say it.
01:00:44It's you, Rick.
01:00:47I saw you coming out of the closet last night with Lori at the dance.
01:00:51Wait a second.
01:00:52Cam, that looked a lot worse than it was.
01:00:55What are you talking about?
01:00:56I saw Lori putting her panties back in her purse.
01:00:59Shit.
01:01:00Hey, shit.
01:01:01Calm down, Cam, calm down.
01:01:02That's where her panties went?
01:01:04Let me explain.
01:01:08That's why you didn't call when you came back into town?
01:01:11You weren't visiting Suzanne.
01:01:12You were banging my wife.
01:01:13No wonder I haven't had sex in six years.
01:01:16Six years?
01:01:17Nothing happened, Cam.
01:01:18She was hammered.
01:01:19You guys saw how hammered she was?
01:01:20I don't know, man.
01:01:21I wasn't banging her.
01:01:24That's because you were too drunk to bang anything.
01:01:26Screw you, Rick.
01:01:27Screw you.
01:01:28Screw you or screw you.
01:01:31I thought you were my...
01:01:32That's it, I'm out of here.
01:01:33Cammy!
01:01:35Cam!
01:01:39Camry!
01:01:43Fucking Donnie.
01:01:46I think we all need three men in our lives.
01:01:49One to talk to, one to fix things, and one for great sex.
01:01:52And one to pick up the tab.
01:01:55So where are the rest of them?
01:02:08Cam?
01:02:10Cam, what's wrong?
01:02:11I just found out about your little trip to the closet.
01:02:15What?
01:02:17Last night.
01:02:20I'm sorry.
01:02:22Last night?
01:02:24You and Rick in the closet last night.
01:02:26And in college.
01:02:27And for the last six years.
01:02:30What are you talking about?
01:02:32You and Rick have been screwing each other for the last six years.
01:02:41Donnie, what's going on?
01:02:44I saw Rick and Lori coming out of the utility closet together last night.
01:02:48And you told Cam?
01:02:49He suspected it.
01:02:52You son of a bitch!
01:02:54I knew I couldn't trust you.
01:02:56Wait, wait.
01:02:57You would never be the father of my child.
01:02:59It's a little too late for that, don't you think?
01:03:02Stay out of this trophy.
01:03:03I'm not a trophy.
01:03:05I need a drink, Suzanne.
01:03:07Screw off, all of you!
01:03:09Oh, Cam, wait!
01:03:10Rick, tell him we weren't in the closet together.
01:03:13We were in the closet together, Lori.
01:03:14You dragged me in there.
01:03:16What?
01:03:17What's a slut?
01:03:18You dragged me in there.
01:03:19What?
01:03:20Once a slut, always a slut.
01:03:22But it was all very innocent.
01:03:24Nothing happened.
01:03:29Cam!
01:03:30Stop it!
01:03:31Stop it, all of you!
01:03:37All right.
01:03:38Everyone just listen up here, all right?
01:03:41Lori and I are not having an affair.
01:03:44She got drunk and we ended up in the closet for like two seconds.
01:03:47But nothing happened.
01:03:48Nothing happened, Cam.
01:03:51It's not true.
01:03:52It's true.
01:03:53I came out of the bathroom, I saw everything.
01:03:55Nothing could have happened.
01:03:57Not even Ted's that fast.
01:04:00I honestly don't remember.
01:04:02Yeah, well, you remember the last 20 years, don't you?
01:04:05Yeah.
01:04:06Did we have sex at any time then?
01:04:08Oh, God, no.
01:04:09We didn't even have sex in college when everyone else had sex with you.
01:04:13Oh, oh, Donnie didn't have sex with Lori in college.
01:04:17Donnie?
01:04:20Was, uh, was freshman year.
01:04:23Just one time.
01:04:24It was one night four times.
01:04:26Oh, God!
01:04:27I just said what I said to get on with the golf game.
01:04:31I now realize that that was a slight miscalculation on my part.
01:04:36Yeah, just a little bit.
01:04:38Look, we all have issues.
01:04:40Cam's wife, who used to be the most popular girl in school, is now frigid.
01:04:44Ted is a sterile drunk married to a 20-something.
01:04:48And Suzanne won't marry me.
01:04:51Even though she's raising my daughter.
01:04:54You know.
01:04:55Your mom told me years ago.
01:04:58But I didn't want that to be the reason we got married.
01:05:03I just hoped at some stage you would accept that I've changed.
01:05:09I love you, Suzanne.
01:05:10I love you, Suzanne.
01:05:13I always have.
01:05:16Donnie and I don't have issues.
01:05:17We worked everything out several times today.
01:05:20And that makes you two the luckiest freaks of nature I know.
01:05:23And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
01:05:26Listen, I'm, I'm sorry about all this.
01:05:29Forget it, Donnie.
01:05:31Look, we can't all stop being friends because we're all so screwed up.
01:05:35Because that is exactly why we need each other so badly.
01:05:39Yeah, you're right, Rick.
01:05:42I'm sorry.
01:05:45I do need you guys.
01:05:47I guess that's why I wanted this reunion so bad.
01:05:50I just wanted to return to a happier time.
01:05:55Me too.
01:05:57There's no happier time.
01:05:58There's just now.
01:05:59And what we do from here on out.
01:06:01Well, honey, that's very zen.
01:06:06I just realized now what a bunch of losers we all are.
01:06:11Sorry, Ted. Not all of us. Just you and Cam.
01:06:14What?
01:06:15Yeah.
01:06:16What?
01:06:17You quit the game.
01:06:19No, no, no. I didn't quit. Cam quit.
01:06:21Yeah, well, that was before we cleared the air here.
01:06:24Let's finish this.
01:06:26Cam, what do you say?
01:06:28Kick their monkey asses or what?
01:06:30Yeah, let's kick some ass.
01:06:36Hey, Rick.
01:06:41You handled that really well.
01:06:42Yeah?
01:06:43Yeah.
01:06:45I'm proud of you.
01:06:46I think you have changed.
01:06:47I have, baby.
01:06:49So you want to get married, huh?
01:06:50Yeah, I do.
01:06:52I'd like that.
01:06:54So would Katie.
01:07:00Baby, this won't take long.
01:07:02Baby, this won't take long.
01:07:04I'll be right back.
01:07:06What? You're just going to go play your game now?
01:07:09It's not just a game, baby. It's golf.
01:07:13All right, boys.
01:07:16Let's go.
01:07:17Well, I know. Come on.
01:07:19This old slut's got a drink with your name on it.
01:07:24We just had this big heartfelt talk and then they leave?
01:07:28Is this normal?
01:07:29Honey, it's golf.
01:07:31Oh, my God. We're desperate golf wives.
01:07:34Desperate golf wives.
01:07:36Eric, check this out.
01:07:39Regular ball, right?
01:07:40Yeah.
01:07:43It's nice.
01:07:45I got enough for everybody, too.
01:07:46Cool.
01:07:47Listen, that's not why I called you over.
01:07:50I had my head up my ass.
01:07:51Well, you know, Donnie, you do deserve a smack.
01:07:53I know.
01:07:55Forget about it. I love you.
01:07:56Forget about it. I love you.
01:08:00Get your game face on.
01:08:01There's a lot on the table right now.
01:08:03All right.
01:08:04Be the ball, birdie boy.
01:08:13The old Friday.
01:08:15Oh, boy, that is an ugly lie, Ted.
01:08:18Oh, God.
01:08:20You know what?
01:08:21Since I like you guys and I feel sorry for you,
01:08:23I'm going to give you a chance to break even.
01:08:25How about double or nothing?
01:08:27Well, I'd take that, Rick, if I wasn't in the trap.
01:08:29Well, you can play my ball.
01:08:32I'll play this one right here.
01:08:35You serious?
01:08:36Yeah.
01:08:37This ball here.
01:08:38I'll play that ball.
01:08:40Camp?
01:08:42Okay, I'll tell you what.
01:08:43Double or nothing.
01:08:44But first ball in takes it all.
01:08:46First ball in?
01:08:48Okay, Ted. First ball in.
01:08:51Ted, why don't you go ahead and hit first?
01:08:53I've got to think about this one for a little bit.
01:09:05Yeah!
01:09:06Oh, Teddy boy, yeah!
01:09:17Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
01:09:20Bite, baby, bite.
01:09:23Yes.
01:09:24All right, Rick. Nice shot.
01:09:26Thanks for noticing.
01:09:28High five for myself.
01:09:30I'm sorry.
01:09:31High five.
01:09:32Too late.
01:09:34All right, Camp.
01:09:35Here's your last chance at glory.
01:09:37Come on, Camp. Done it before.
01:09:40Y'all playing some night golf, huh?
01:09:43Normally we don't allow night golf,
01:09:45but since he's my special little friend,
01:09:48I'll let it slide.
01:09:50Who's got the glowing balls?
01:09:52Oh, that's me.
01:09:54That means you'll be real easy to spot
01:09:56in the nighttime of the forest.
01:09:57You're lost in the forest,
01:09:58you'll be easy to find out,
01:09:59little forest boy.
01:10:03Hey, hey.
01:10:07Wait, what's that smell?
01:10:09Ah, it's just victory.
01:10:11Yeah, easy for you to say, Mr. Six Figures.
01:10:13Oh, and I suppose the region's
01:10:15number one television station
01:10:17pays you minimum wage.
01:10:19No.
01:10:20No.
01:10:22As a matter of fact, they don't, Ted.
01:10:24As a matter of fact,
01:10:25they're not paying me anything at all.
01:10:27I got fired two weeks ago.
01:10:29What did you say?
01:10:30You got fired?
01:10:31Yeah.
01:10:32What?
01:10:33Why?
01:10:35My sales team missed its quota
01:10:37two months in a row,
01:10:38so somebody had to take the fall.
01:10:40What are you saying?
01:10:41After 14 years,
01:10:42they let you go just like that?
01:10:43Yeah, Ted, it's a cutthroat business.
01:10:45You don't produce, you don't stay in it.
01:10:46What did you tell us?
01:10:47Same reason I didn't tell Lori.
01:10:49I didn't have the balls.
01:10:50I'm going to have to tell her something,
01:10:51because yesterday was payday,
01:10:53and she's going to notice
01:10:54I didn't make a mortgage payment.
01:10:55Please, Cam, I'm sorry.
01:10:57Yeah, Cam, I mean, if we lose,
01:10:58I'll pay the back.
01:10:59Don't embarrass me by offering,
01:11:00okay, Ted?
01:11:03Cam, you all right?
01:11:06Yeah, I'm okay.
01:11:07You really got fired, Cameron?
01:11:08Yeah, I really got fired.
01:11:10Can we just get on with this?
01:11:12Go ahead.
01:11:20It's going to go.
01:11:21It's going.
01:11:24Shit.
01:11:26Whose side are you on?
01:11:28I'm not sure anymore.
01:11:30Don't bother marketing.
01:11:32I'm straight in.
01:11:34Well, there's been some match, huh, guys?
01:11:36It's like clubbing baby seals.
01:11:41Rick,
01:11:42have I ever told you you're an asshole?
01:11:45Yes, Ted, you have.
01:11:50Come on.
01:12:11I told you, baby!
01:12:13Yeah!
01:12:16I told you!
01:12:19Hahahahahahahaha!
01:12:23Hahahaha!
01:12:25Hahahaha!
01:12:27Yeah!
01:12:28Hahahahahahaha!
01:12:32You surprised me, right?
01:12:34Yes.
01:12:35What was that?
01:12:36What was that you said earlier?
01:12:37When money's involved, there are no friends?
01:12:39You're the man.
01:12:40So?
01:12:41You missed that putt on purpose, didn't you?
01:12:43What are you talking about?
01:12:45Oh, come on!
01:12:46It was a four-foot putt for the win, and you missed it!
01:12:48Pros miss short punts all the time.
01:12:50No, no, no. Come on.
01:12:52You saw a friend, Cam, in trouble,
01:12:54and you went soft.
01:12:57Come here. Give me a hug.
01:12:59All right. You're gonna get a wedgie
01:13:01in about two seconds.
01:13:03So what are you guys doing? Have a little dry-up?
01:13:05I'm just consoling my friend over here.
01:13:07He doesn't take a losing very well.
01:13:09Oh, I know that.
01:13:11Well, boys, I think I got about six years
01:13:14of catching up to do with Laurie, so, um...
01:13:17Thanks for the game, huh?
01:13:19No, Cam, stick around, baby.
01:13:21The least you guys can do is buy us a drink.
01:13:24Yeah, well, I'd love to,
01:13:26but I got to hit it early in the morning,
01:13:28and I got a ton of paperwork to do before Monday.
01:13:31Monday? What's Monday?
01:13:33Oh, I got a sales meeting every Monday morning.
01:13:35But you said...
01:13:37What, Rick?
01:13:39Haven't got a poker face?
01:13:42Ha-ha-ha!
01:13:44You out-schemed the schemer, baby!
01:13:47Embrace it and weep.
01:13:49Oh, I'm weeping.
01:13:51And I do appreciate you missing that putt.
01:13:55You stink.
01:13:57That's good. Cameron!
01:13:59Hey, but, wait, Cam,
01:14:01that stuff you said before
01:14:03about needing us and missing us,
01:14:05I mean, that wasn't crap, was it?
01:14:07No, I miss you guys.
01:14:09But it's like you said, we moved on.
01:14:12We got different lives, different friends.
01:14:14But here's the thing about old friends.
01:14:16I've learned that I...
01:14:18Whoa!
01:14:19Cam.
01:14:20Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:14:21Cam.
01:14:22You all right, buddy?
01:14:24I wanna...
01:14:26I wanna...
01:14:27I wanna be young
01:14:29The rest of my life
01:14:31You asshole.
01:14:32Never say no
01:14:34Try anything twice
01:14:36Till the angels come
01:14:38And ask me to fly
01:14:40Gonna be 18
01:14:42Until I die
01:14:4418 till I die
01:14:48Cam is forever
01:14:50It's wishful thinking
01:14:52Whoever said that
01:14:54Must be drinking
01:14:56Don't wanna go up
01:14:58I don't see why
01:15:00I couldn't help it
01:15:02Time flies by
01:15:04I didn't know there was a floor shelf.
01:15:06Wasn't in the brochure.
01:15:08Gonna be 18
01:15:10Till I die
01:15:12Yeah
01:15:13Sure feels good
01:15:15To be alive
01:15:17So you're the 18 going on 55
01:15:2118 till I die
01:15:24All right
01:15:26Yeah, don't worry about the future
01:15:29Forget about the past
01:15:31We're gonna have a ball, yeah
01:15:34We're gonna have a blast
01:15:36We're gonna make it last
01:15:39Hey!
01:15:41Yeah
01:15:4218 till I die
01:15:45Gonna be 18 till I die
01:15:49Yeah
01:15:50Sure feels good
01:15:52To be alive
01:15:54So you're the 18 going on 55
01:15:5818 till I die
01:16:01Gonna be 18 till I die
01:16:05Gonna be 18 till I die
01:16:09I'm gonna be 18 till I die
01:16:13All right
01:16:17Oh yeah
01:16:19Oh yeah
01:16:21Oh
01:16:2218 till I die
01:16:3118 till I die
01:16:3618 till I die
01:16:4118 till I die
01:16:4618 till I die
01:16:5118 till I die
01:16:5618 till I die
01:17:0118 till I die
01:17:0618 till I die
01:17:1118 till I die
01:17:1618 till I die
01:17:2118 till I die
01:17:2618 till I die
01:17:3118 till I die
01:17:3618 till I die
01:17:4118 till I die
01:17:4618 till I die
01:17:5118 till I die
01:17:5618 till I die
01:18:01Won't you party on the floor
01:18:03If you ain't got me on board
01:18:05Do you know what it takes
01:18:08Do you know what it takes
01:18:12Do you know what it takes
01:18:17Do you know what it takes
01:18:21Won't you party on the floor
01:18:23If you ain't got me on board
01:18:25Do you know what it takes
01:18:28Do you know what it takes
01:18:35I really feel like dancing
01:18:39I want you on my mind
01:18:43Do some fine romancing
01:18:47On the concrete line
01:18:51Seeing you all near me
01:18:55Catch me in the movie
01:18:58There's nothing more that I want
01:19:03Than to get your body on the floor
01:19:06If you ain't got me on board
01:19:08Do you know what it takes
01:19:11Get your body on the floor
01:19:13If you ain't got me on board
01:19:15Do you know what it takes
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