Super Team Canada - Season 1 Episode 2
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00:00The following program is rated 14 plus and may contain coarse language, violence, nudity,
00:11mature subject matter, or scenes which may not be suitable for all viewers.
00:14Viewer discretion is advised.
00:30I guess who's going to save it all?
00:33It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.
00:38Yeah, we can do it.
00:43The fate of the free world.
00:47With the heroes of the land.
00:52How long has he been like this?
01:14I told you, you shouldn't have told him.
01:16That the children's show he grew up with got cancelled 30 years ago?
01:20Uncle Sloppy and the Do-Right Boys was clearly important in a young Breakaway's life.
01:26Crazy dance, crazy dance, let Uncle Sloppy in your pants.
01:29Crazy dance, crazy dance, let Uncle Sloppy in your pants.
01:31Crazy dance, crazy dance, let Uncle Sloppy in your pants.
01:34Crazy dance, crazy dance, let Uncle Sloppy in your pants.
01:37Oh, sorry I'm late.
01:39The guy behind the counter kept sticking his fingers in my blizzards.
01:42Don't even think about it.
01:44Ow.
01:47Emergency, emergency.
01:48Something just ripped the perimeter sensor.
01:50You know, it wasn't Breakaway's balls.
02:03Help me.
02:05My name is Walton Grotzki.
02:09Walton Grotzki?
02:11The father of Layne Grotzki, the greatest hockey player of all time?
02:15Yes.
02:15But you died in 2021.
02:25Holy night in Canada.
02:27Can we just drink it from the cup?
02:43Mr. Grotzki, how did you find us?
02:45And equally important, how are you alive?
02:47You died March 14th in your hometown of Brantford, Ontario in a quilt made by your great aunt on your radish farm.
02:54Yes, that's exactly what he wanted everyone to believe.
02:58The evil coach Chaos.
03:01He kidnapped me and faked my death.
03:04Many years ago, a young hockey player with dreams of the NHL was cut for trying to push his own game plan ideas.
03:12I had a roommate just like that, the AJMMDHLAG, the Alberta Junior Mini Minor Developmental Hockey League Association Group.
03:21His name was Jerome.
03:22The guy was so arrogant, he changed the play on the ice, collided with his own goalie, and got his hand cut clean off by the goalie's stick.
03:28And he hoozles, the player became a pariah, was kicked out of hockey, went insane, and after years of hiding, re-emerged as the deranged Coach Chaos.
03:39He stole my son's jockstrap from the National Grosky Archive and extracted DNA from the cup area.
03:48Where's Ballsies go?
03:49And created clones of my beloved Lane.
03:52Before I could tell anyone I was kidnapped and held prisoner at his compound, there he forced me to train the clones the same way I trained Lane.
04:01He plans to replace every player in the NHL and coach his own army.
04:05The NHL will collapse, Canadians will be robbed of the outlet for all their aggression, and the country will descend into chaos and hurtful comments.
04:15Oh God, we can't let that happen.
04:18Super Team Canada, let's roll!
04:21I forgot the van keys.
04:23Don't you worry, Walton Grosky, because we're all over this crap like Kenny Lindsman riding Risto Siltanen.
04:36Be very quiet. Coach Chaos is a maniac.
04:41Yeah, a maniac who's about to meet the law in law enforcement.
04:44Shh! I cannot believe you idiots are the defenders of the world!
04:50Insane mega burn, Walton Grosky.
04:55I'll be the bigger man here and admit that may have been me.
04:58Ow, Walton! The great ones were so worried about you, and you've brought guests!
05:25Super Team Canada, such a nice surprise!
05:29For everyone but me!
05:31Because you've all fallen perfectly into my planned trap!
05:34Oh yeah, one more thing.
05:37Well, would you look at that!
05:39The old man is holding a gun!
05:41Holy howie meager Walton Grosky, what are you doing?
05:44Sorry, guys.
05:46I forgot to mention, there was one more clone.
05:50Me.
05:50The real Walton did die, so I brought him back as bait.
05:56You're all about to ride some pies.
05:59In heaven!
06:00Got you!
06:01Attack!
06:10Game over, losers!
06:12Welcome back!
06:17How was your nap?
06:19You're all trapped inside a very special penalty box that I custom built for you.
06:24It has zero moisture anywhere to manipulate, a special atmosphere that'll prove fatal with
06:28any additional weather, it is too cold for circuits to operate, and I left an open jar
06:33smooth peanut butter in there to distract ya.
06:37Great story, jackass.
06:39But for someone who brags about planning everything, you forgot one hero.
06:43Me!
06:44I can blast this freezer apart with my super bucks in two seconds.
06:47Two and a half in Newfoundland.
06:49I know that.
06:50So I went back to an old playbook.
06:53Very old.
06:54My mom's ex-husbands?
06:56Dude, you're gonna have to try better than that.
06:59Oh, I did.
07:01I believe you have a fondness for a certain Sloppy Trio.
07:06No, you didn't.
07:08Uncle Sloppy, you monster.
07:11You try and stop me and Uncle Sloppy and the Do-Right Boys will be cancelled a second time
07:16in small bloody pieces.
07:19Sweet lottery.
07:20Jesus, you maniac.
07:22How did you know Breakaway loved that show?
07:24And why do you hate hockey so much?
07:26Because I lost my chance to be the best player ever back in the A-J-M-M-D-H-L-A-G.
07:32And now I get my revenge on them all!
07:35Jerome?
07:36Ooh.
07:39Ha-ha-ha!
07:40Hockey as we know it is over!
07:42Walton, load the Grotskis onto the plane and meet me at the NHL HQ in NY.
07:45I can't believe this is how it all ends for us.
08:05And our national pastime.
08:06Uh, technically, lacrosse is Canada's official sport since 1859.
08:11We need to stop that plane before we freeze to death.
08:13Zask, any ideas?
08:15I'm laying that dragon.
08:18Useless!
08:18Just like this clown.
08:19Snap out of it, idiot!
08:21We need you!
08:21Come on!
08:22Let's move!
08:24That's it!
08:25Chaos planned this trap for everybody but Breakaway.
08:28And I know how to give Breakaway his power back to get us out!
08:31Crazy dance, crazy dance, let up, will stop me in your pants!
08:37Crazy dance, crazy dance, let up, will stop me in your pants!
08:40Crazy dance, crazy dance, let up, will stop me in your pants!
08:42BLEAKFUL!
08:44Come on, Breakaway!
08:45You can do it!
08:46I summoned that magic in your pants!
08:48That came out wrong.
08:50Dad.
08:51What's that break?
08:52Speak to us.
08:53I said now I know what my dad meant when he said if he heard that song one more time,
08:57he'd throw himself dick first into a wood chipper.
09:00I'm back, baby.
09:03And I've got a new game plan.
09:13You guys take care of things on this end.
09:18League update, President.
09:20You and all the players are out and my clones are in.
09:23If the world wants hockey, they need to pay to watch my boys play.
09:27As my third mom said to my dad on their honeymoon, not so fast.
09:33And away from the butt, sweetie.
09:35Super Team Canada by Gordie Howe!
09:38By using something you never learned.
09:40And what caused your problems in the first place.
09:43It makes the dream work.
09:44And they call it motherfucking teamwork.
09:47First line, let's do it.
09:49No, no, no, no, no.
09:50Now we're done this.
09:51Close!
09:52Close!
09:52Let's go!
09:54I'm out of slingshot.
09:58Come on!
10:03Whoops! Unchange!
10:11A bomb!
10:12I'd like to call a timeout.
10:23All according to plan.
10:25What have you done?
10:28You mean besides Savior League and Canada?
10:31I saved myself.
10:32I never needed a special show to be a hero,
10:35because the hero was always right inside me.
10:43Uncle Sloppy and the Do-Right Boys?
10:46Forget everything I just said.
10:48Is there any chance you could give me a crazy dance?
10:55A very rare triple full cardiac arrest.
11:03Your dancing killed them.
11:05Uncle Sloppy!
11:06Uncle Sloppy!
11:08He-he-he-he!
11:18The Sasquatch.
11:20Some call them mysterious.
11:22But the only mystery is how they're so darn adorable.
11:26When not posing for blurry photos,
11:28they enjoy solitude and swimming.
11:34What an incredible program.
11:36We all learned so much
11:37and have now earned our Canadian tax credits.
11:40Now to discuss something actually important.
11:43The environment.
11:45Some people here aren't doing their part to protect Mother Earth.
11:48Do you have specific or are you just being vague
11:51because you're perpetually single?
11:52Yes and no.
11:53Sasqu, you've got to stop using trees as toothpicks.
11:56Break away what healthy man orders 1,000 diapers a week.
12:00Others who shall go unnamed need to stop getting takeout
12:03in non-biodegradable containers.
12:05And Poutine, just stop breathing.
12:07Oh, talk about hypocrisy.
12:09How much water did you waste hosing down your knockers?
12:12We raised $23.
12:14Gals, would you put the claws away?
12:16If we want pollution facts,
12:17let's ask our resident calculator to run the numbers.
12:20Hey, ones, mainly zeros.
12:21Beep-boop.
12:22Thoughts, beep-boop.
12:23Ugh.
12:24Hey, you okay?
12:25Why the long monitor?
12:26No, I'm not okay.
12:27Not at all.
12:28I feel alone and ignored.
12:30You guys never include me
12:32unless you need somewhere to rest a drink.
12:34And then, no one even uses a coaster.
12:36Come on, RC.
12:37We love you.
12:38We respect you.
12:39You are a key part...
12:41Ooh!
12:42Pizza box ready.
12:43I endorsed these in the 80s.
12:44Still working through the samples.
12:46Ugh.
12:47Could be a little hotter.
12:50Now, where were we?
12:51You're sad about the weather or something?
12:53I know I'm different.
12:55I'm a robot peg in a human hole.
12:57I can do more than run numbers,
12:58be an answering machine,
12:59and use my global radar system to vacuum the lair.
13:02Sometimes I just can't...
13:04Oh, oh, oh, oh.
13:05Hold up, hold up, hold up.
13:06Okay.
13:07Now, back to your pity party.
13:10Sometimes I just feel...
13:14It's the PM.
13:15There's an emergency.
13:16RC can whatever you were saying wait.
13:18Oh, or does it even matter?
13:20You're the best.
13:22And I know the perfect on-the-go snack.
13:25Thanks for coming.
13:26This year's budget didn't build in napkins.
13:35This man's life is in grave peril.
13:39Did he insult BTS?
13:41He's Kim Jong-un's stylist who tried adding some fun into his wardrobe.
13:46Sentenced to death, he stole his ship to escape.
13:48But him being a stylist and not a sailor, the ship crashed, spilling nuclear waste into the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.
13:55We rescued the stylist, but the radiation created a sentient monster hell-bent on destroying everything in her path.
14:02Makes perfect sense.
14:03Trash plus radiation equals monster.
14:05That's math.
14:06What's the patch mad about?
14:08The environment?
14:09Rising ocean temperatures that Poutine secretly wears cheap lingerie?
14:12Body issues.
14:13Well, she is twice as big as Texas.
14:16Yes.
14:17And she's also tired of hearing that.
14:18If she was a male radioactive killer garbage patch, I bet people would call her Driven and a Game Changer.
14:25Right, RCMPC?
14:26Wait, where'd you go?
14:27No time for that!
14:28We need Super Team Canada to destroy this menace and make sure it never bothers us again.
14:33But also, be sensitive. It's going through some stuff.
14:36To Super Vanilla One!
14:39Okay, so what did you come up with?
14:43Love it!
14:45We've all heard of urban cowboys, but never a rural one.
14:48I haven't anyway.
14:53Hey, you missed the meeting.
14:54But clearly no one missed me.
14:56I did.
14:57I had nowhere to rest my drink.
14:59Well, a giant self-conscious garbage patch is threatening the Earth.
15:03Ugh, the Earth again.
15:04Why does anyone even care about the future?
15:06Death looms for all.
15:08Why even try to fight the inevitable?
15:09Not the best locker room pep talk I've heard, but not the worst.
15:12I once had a coach in Red Deer who just said,
15:14Win or lose, protect your nuts.
15:16What is going on with you?
15:18Ugh, I think the pressure of always being responsible for saving the world has activated some sort of awareness chip in my system.
15:24I feel alone.
15:26So very, very alone.
15:28What are you standing around for?
15:30Giddy up!
15:31Giddy up!
15:33Giddy up!
15:36Hang on, it's you!
15:38Oh, my God!
15:41He's coming here!
15:42It's you!
15:44No, I can't stand around!
15:45Ugh!
15:46titanium
15:46Classic body shamers!
15:48I will not be apologizing for taking up space!
15:51Oh, my God!
15:53Oh, my God!
15:55Time to take out the tracks!
15:57Wait, we need to think about this. It's way bigger than I thought.
16:00Don't put the muscle, huh?
16:02Good now. Flex it.
16:06Hey, Patch! Suck ice, you big freak!
16:10Freak? I prefer the charm class size!
16:17I got the perfect snack for this.
16:19And I'll stop this. Water is my thing.
16:24We're safe if we don't do nothing that'll move us forward or back.
16:37Too much their kids' whole pizza.
16:46Huh? The Patch is gone!
16:49Calm down, Grandpa. I have an app.
16:52It's headed for Hawaii.
16:54This may be perfect.
16:56Hawaii has exactly what we need.
16:58An alphabet with only 13 letters?
17:00No. Hawaii has volcanoes, huge, molten cauldrons.
17:04Perfect to destroy a giant, plastic, unenvironmental menace.
17:08Someone would have to lure it there. It's suicide.
17:10It's suicide!
17:16RCMPC, send a distress signal warning Hawaii about the Patch.
17:20Uh...
17:22Huh. A note from RC?
17:24If not valued by humankind in life, perhaps I can be a noble death.
17:28Goodbye, cruel analog world?
17:30Whale coming through!
17:32That's what you guys are looking for, right?
17:34You can't run from the very thing you humans created!
17:38But to stop you, maybe it takes something INHUMAN!
17:39You can't stop me!
17:40Anybody spot RCMPC?
17:41Bingo!
17:42Damn, I was so close.
17:43I meant I see her, there!
17:44I see her in pain, but...
17:45What causing me pain changed that?
17:47Well, I never asked for this!
17:48I was conceived for my death.
17:49You're just a girl, not a child.
17:50And to stop you, maybe it takes something INHUMAN!
17:51You can't stop me!
17:52And the body spot RCMPC?
17:53Bingo!
17:54Damn, I was so close.
17:55I meant I see her, there.
17:57I see her in pain, but...
17:58What causing me pain changed that?
18:00Well, I never asked for this.
18:01I was conceived from her.
18:02I was conceived.
18:03You're so close.
18:04I was born to her.
18:05I was born to her.
18:06I was born to her.
18:07You were born to her.
18:08I just didn't know what it was.
18:09You were born to her.
18:10I never asked for this.
18:11I was conceived from single-use plastics
18:14and people who never understood recycling.
18:18One day, I was just alive with feelings.
18:21Oh, so many feelings.
18:24Oh, I can relate.
18:26I never asked to exist either.
18:28Someone built me, plugged me in,
18:29and now here I am, conscious.
18:32Aw, thanks for sharing.
18:34Do you know what else we have in common?
18:36No, what?
18:38I'm going to kill you, because just like you,
18:41me, life, and Beanie Babies,
18:45everything is garbage!
18:50I did it!
18:52I drove right into our teammate!
19:03Rise me, insecure robot!
19:06Aha!
19:07I refuse to let you trash my friends,
19:09because you weren't hung enough.
19:13No!
19:17Horsey, get out of there!
19:18You're going to melt!
19:19No!
19:20I've realized my spouting about being non-human
19:23was exactly what a human would do.
19:25Thus, I am not only like you,
19:28but for the very first time, I also like myself.
19:31I have never been happier!
19:34Goodbye, life!
19:36Goodbye, consciousness!
19:44Sorry about your friend, but we've got to get out of here.
19:47Maybe one of you can drive.
19:49Me being crushed under your van and all.
19:51She was the best.
19:57I'm going to miss that side table!
19:59Companion and cup holder.
20:01I'll never forget her.
20:03You're better not!
20:05She's alive?
20:09But how?
20:10We saw you get smoked by that volcano.
20:12And heroically take the patch with you!
20:15The garbage patch saved me!
20:17All that heat melted those microplastics
20:19and coated me in a protective shield,
20:21and then I made my way here!
20:23Back to my best friend!
20:24So I guess this is the one time things didn't end-
20:28Yes!
20:29A happy ending!
20:30Sure, happy ending.
20:37But didn't we also just release a huge puff of toxic smoke into the air?
20:47Aw, lovely!
20:49I'm no mechanic, but I'm pretty sure you're eight weeks pregnant.
20:52I'm glad you're safe and still here.
20:55And we're not going to put drinks on you anymore.
20:57And I hope you know you're not just valuable, you're integral.
21:00A vital part of our team. You're essential.
21:02Somebody rented a thesaurus.
21:04Oh, thank you all for saving me.
21:06I'm not fully convinced about my self-worth,
21:08but I can say I've momentarily suppressed my negative thoughts.
21:12That's called being human.
21:14We even got you a little gift.
21:18I know just where to put it.
21:20May cause vomiting, death, cholera, or all of the above.
21:27Sing, prescription wiring, terrorism, stabbing,ifluiting death, cholera, or all of the above.