Malcolm In The Middle Season 7 Episode 12 College Recruiters
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00:00You've done it again, honey?
00:02No.
00:04Jamie, I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I worked very hard to make this.
00:08And nobody leaves until their plates are clean.
00:22Yes, no, maybe
00:26I don't know
00:29Can you repeat the question?
00:33You're not the boss of me now
00:37You're not the boss of me now
00:39You're not the boss of me now
00:41And you're not so big
00:43You're not the boss of me now
00:47You're not the boss of me now
00:49You're not the boss of me now
00:51And you're not so big
00:55Life is unfair.
01:18I got it. I'll call you, I promise.
01:21That wasn't relative. I'm going to be very upset.
01:24It's just another college recruiter.
01:26Just another college recruiter?
01:28You know, when I was applying, believe me, there were no recruiters.
01:32If I hadn't found that ad inside that matchbook,
01:35I may not have pursued higher education at all.
01:38But they're calling me all the time.
01:40I must get ten calls a day.
01:42Then each one must be handled like that's the university you're going to.
01:46It's called options.
01:48Why do you think guys date ugly women?
01:50I swear I'm going to kill my mother.
01:54She just slinks down here and marries off my son to some Eastern European bimbo.
01:59The old reptile.
02:01I can't believe her leg hasn't grown back.
02:04Honey, calm down.
02:05No.
02:06I am going to kill her.
02:07You know, if a young person dies, it's suspicious.
02:10When old people die, it's just the way of the world.
02:13There's no investigation.
02:14Well, at least Reese is independent now.
02:16Independent? He's living in our garage.
02:18How independent is that?
02:20I read about this old woman who drowned in her bowl of soup.
02:23It happens.
02:24Honey, look at the upside.
02:26Malcolm is going off to college.
02:28Francis is with P.M.
02:30And now Reese is married.
02:32They've all flown the nest.
02:34We're done.
02:36We still have Jamie and Dewey.
02:37Oh, right.
02:40I'm all packed up.
02:41Good for you.
02:44Are you going somewhere?
02:45He's going to Francis's.
02:47Let's go over the rules again.
02:49When you are on the bus, what are you to do?
02:51Talk to no one.
02:52Don't let anyone sit next to me.
02:54Try to look sickly and learning impaired.
02:57Cough every few minutes.
02:58And nose picking is okay.
03:00Encouraged.
03:01And what if you're on the bus for a few hours
03:03and you have to go to the bathroom really, really bad?
03:05I still don't go.
03:06That's my boy.
03:11Mom, Dad, I would like to invite you to a garage warming.
03:16Raducca thought that the least we could do
03:17is show our appreciation by treating you to a meal.
03:21Well, I don't know what to say.
03:23We would be delighted to come.
03:25What are we having?
03:27Looks like bologna, some kind of yellow cheese,
03:31half a liter of diet soda, and wheat crisps.
03:36Wonderful.
03:41This is where you live?
03:45Yeah.
03:46Where's Piyama?
03:47Ah, her sister's in prison.
03:50Or marrying somebody in prison.
03:52Whatever it was, she bought a dress.
03:54So what's the deal with the beard?
03:56Oh, this thing?
03:58I don't know.
03:59I was trying to find a job and not really finding anything,
04:02and I kind of felt like something was holding me back.
04:05I think this makes me stand out from the crowd.
04:07Mission accomplished.
04:10So this is how you live?
04:12No fridge, no real furniture,
04:16and the only decorations is a stolen bus bench?
04:19Isn't that great?
04:20Francis, this is everything I've ever dreamed of.
04:25This is exactly how I'll live when I grow up.
04:28Thanks, Dewey.
04:30You know, it's not easy to create this kind of lifestyle.
04:33Hey, you want to listen to some music?
04:34Sure.
04:38Hey, Kipler!
04:40Turn that crap down!
04:46Feel that face as a powered subwoofer!
04:52I'm not going to be mean.
04:53I'm going to very nicely tell them
04:55that their marriage is a sham and must be dissolved.
04:57That might backfire.
04:59Look what happened when my mother tried that with us.
05:01And what choice do we have?
05:03We can't let them live like hobos in our filthy garage.
05:06Wow!
05:17So beautiful.
05:19Pleased to enter.
05:20For Duca, I have to say,
05:24it is incredible what you've done with this place.
05:27No, no, no.
05:28This was Rhys.
05:30He gets credit.
05:31Rhys?
05:32You did this?
05:34He is very determined when you give him task.
05:38Now, sweetie, you can't give me all the credit.
05:40We both stomped that spider nest together.
05:42Ah, yes.
05:44I am very impressed.
05:49Is this homework?
05:51Yeah, Rhys.
05:52Rhys won't let me watch any television until it's finished.
05:55Wives, am I right?
05:57Education is key to better life.
06:03Rhys!
06:04Charge!
06:04I can't remember when I've had a bologna and wheat crisp casserole this good.
06:15Rhys has studying for a green card exam.
06:19We must know every spouse's detail.
06:23Favorite color, toilet habit, my menstruation cycle.
06:27I think I'm done.
06:29Rhys!
06:30Place!
06:31Did you see the way she talks to him?
06:44She has broken his spirit.
06:46He's not Rhys anymore.
06:48I know.
06:50It's fantastic.
06:51Yeah.
06:54There's our little scholar.
06:56Ooh.
06:57What?
06:58Malcolm, this is Milt Anderson, a recruiter from MIT.
07:03Dad.
07:03We talked about this, and you're sitting here and listening to what he has to say.
07:06You got it?
07:07What?
07:07Now, Malcolm, I know you've got a lot of questions.
07:13Yeah.
07:16Uh, you're from MIT.
07:20That's right.
07:21Mississippi Institute of Technology.
07:24Well, no, I know everybody always assumes it's Massachusetts, and hey, they do good work, too.
07:31But can they offer you the same kind of God-centric approach to science that we do?
07:39Now, I know you're a gentleman, and you're not going to want to make a decision until you come down and taste some of the best catfish that ever melted into your mouth.
07:51Ha, ha, ha, ha!
07:53Dad, can I talk to you for a second?
07:55Of course.
07:58Any chance you could airship some of those?
08:00They're in the mail!
08:03Dad, this is a complete waste of time.
08:06I've already told you there are only four colleges in the whole world that have the nuclear biology programs that I'm interested in.
08:12And this MIT and Columbia with a K aren't on the list.
08:16Maybe this isn't the school of your dreams, but you need a fallback position.
08:20Forget about it, Dad.
08:21This is my decision, and I'm not talking to these bozos.
08:25All right, fine.
08:26I'll do it for you.
08:27But one day you'll thank me.
08:31Uh, Milt, you'll have to excuse Malcolm.
08:34He, uh, had to do some brain exercises.
08:39You know, mental squats and such.
08:41Anyway, tell me about your science department.
08:44Well, I'd love to.
08:45Let me just find my brochure.
08:47Oh, sure.
08:49Here, why don't you take one of my keychains.
08:53It lights up!
08:55Mm-hmm.
08:56What else you got in there?
08:58Oh, I like that beer cozy.
09:02Oh, but I suppose it's either or.
09:07Mm-hmm.
09:08Why do we have to get a stupid green card anyway?
09:17I hate studying.
09:18It's so boring.
09:19Shut up and look at my breasts.
09:22This is the kind of thing that will be on test.
09:25Note the number and the position of the beauty marks.
09:29Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:30Eyes down here!
09:31Look, I'm sorry.
09:38No, don't you care.
09:40Sometimes it's better to see water slides from a distance.
09:43You make plans for a perfectly good time.
09:45They go and they fix the hole in the fence.
09:48I just wish I had the kind of money to buy us tickets.
09:51I would have lent you the six bucks.
09:53Hey, I don't roll that way.
09:55It's bad enough I'm letting my little brother buy me dinner tonight.
09:57So what do you want to do until then?
10:00We could wrestle.
10:02You want to wrestle for seven hours?
10:05You in there!
10:06Where's my rent?
10:07Mr. Banner!
10:09I can't open the door right now!
10:11Park right now.
10:14It's my dog!
10:16He's crazy!
10:18And big!
10:20I want that rent!
10:21Better be in my mailbox in 48 hours!
10:24So, Greco-Roman or Feast Isle?
10:40Oh, no.
10:42No more studying.
10:43I need a break.
10:44Rhys!
10:45What are you doing here?
10:48What's that?
10:50Who's there?
10:50Who's there?
10:54Raducca, who is this?
10:56This is Bella, and I have known him for many years because he is my brother.
11:09I can't believe you!
11:12You have your brother in town and don't tell me!
11:17Get over here!
11:19Sorry I kept you boys waiting.
11:34I thought I had 4.30, huh?
11:36Wait, you told me 4.30 a week ago.
11:39Boys, please.
11:40It's my fault.
11:41I've just had so many recruiters calling, they've got me coming and going.
11:46T?
11:47Weybridge, huh?
11:48Yes, Nick Beatus here.
11:50I just like the color.
11:52It doesn't mean anything.
11:54You know, Granville has terrific sweaters.
11:57In fact, we have a collapsible umbrella people love.
12:02Please, it's not about merchandise.
12:05It's about education.
12:07Oh.
12:08Of course, it is easier to study when you're dry and toasty.
12:11You got it.
12:16Now, tell me about your respective universities.
12:20At Granville, the head of our physics department just won a Nobel Prize.
12:24Oh, that's very impressive.
12:25Well, Euclid, we think it's about results.
12:28For example, 70% of Euclid graduates take care of their parents in retirement.
12:34Oh, I like that.
12:36How can you keep those stats?
12:38Do you have no shame?
12:39Your Nobel Prize was shared, okay?
12:41Your cyclotron is underfunded.
12:42How dare you?
12:43Boys.
12:46Excuse me.
12:47Hello.
12:51Oh, um.
12:53Yes.
12:57Hi, Barry.
12:59Yes, I've been thinking about you, too.
13:01Listen, I can't talk.
13:02Is that Barry from Michigan?
13:04Well, never you mind who's here.
13:08Yes, I got your muffins.
13:09They were delicious and very thoughtful of you.
13:12Oh, stop.
13:14You are relentless.
13:15I hope I didn't keep you up last night with all that noise.
13:19Jeez, Reese, I don't want to hear about your sex life.
13:21What?
13:22No, I was getting the oil stains out of the driveway.
13:25Oh.
13:26For your information, marriage isn't just about sex.
13:29It's about commitment.
13:31Anyway, you know we can't have sex until after the waiting period.
13:34The waiting period?
13:37Poor naive Malcolm.
13:40All women, when they get married, require a waiting period of six months to a year.
13:44You know, if you got your nose out of a book and started living life a little, you might
13:48know these things.
13:50Raduca is a delicate flower, and it's going to take some time for her to get used to the
13:53idea of being with a man.
13:55Who's that?
13:57Her brother, Bella.
14:01Doesn't look much like her.
14:03Shows how much you know.
14:04I've never seen two people closer in my life.
14:11Mom, when Maduca found out I took the food out of your refrigerator, she was pretty upset.
14:16She says we shouldn't be living off of you.
14:18Really?
14:19I owe you 14 slices of bologna.
14:25A half a liter of soda.
14:32Reese, I was against your marriage from the beginning.
14:35I thought it was a mistake for you to be tied down so early in life.
14:38But I see you and Raduca together, and I must say, I think she's good for you.
14:46You do?
14:49Why are you saying that?
14:50Well, I'm giving you my blessing.
14:54I see what's happening here.
14:56You're using reverse psychology.
14:58It's not working.
15:00No, I'm really just saying that I like her, and I like how you are when you're with her.
15:04Nice try, Mom.
15:05But I'm staying with Raduca.
15:07And I approve.
15:09You'd like me to think so, wouldn't you?
15:11Yes, I would.
15:13Well, I'm staying with her, Mom.
15:15Check and mate.
15:19Well, if you were worried about today's activities, you can just relax.
15:24My neighbors are on vacation, so goodbye, Celie's Hello Cable Television.
15:32I have a better idea.
15:33Is it a job center I thought we could go to?
15:37Oh, I get it.
15:38My little bro is worried about me.
15:41Maybe a little.
15:44Plus, Cable's so overrated.
15:46Look, Dewey, I know it may seem like I don't have a lot going on, but I got plenty of irons in the fire.
15:53Like my screenplay.
15:54This is only five pages.
16:03They're probably going to bring in some high-priced rewriter.
16:05Why should I do his work for him?
16:08Do you have any other irons?
16:10Look, I know it's tough to break into Hollywood.
16:13I'd be pretty stupid to rest everything on that.
16:16That's why I'm training a possum.
16:18To do what?
16:19Dial a phone, hop on one foot, walk like John Wayne.
16:23Stuff that people who visit roadside circuses like to see.
16:27So, does that put your mind at ease?
16:30Francis, you have to get a life.
16:33I have a life.
16:35I got my hobbies, my bus bench, the guys at the apartment pool.
16:39I'm only 12 and I can see that this is a dead end.
16:43Oh.
16:44So you know what I should do better than I do.
16:48You are just like mom.
16:49Maybe mom is a point.
16:51Maybe just hanging out by the pool isn't going to be the stepping stone you're hoping for.
16:55You never supported me.
16:57All I'm saying is jobs don't just drop out of the sky.
17:00I hate you!
17:04Fighting Irish or golden gophers?
17:07Blue and gold.
17:10Dad, I'm sorry.
17:12I know we've fought about this, but the truth is I'm actually glad you got those college guys off my back.
17:19Well, son, it hasn't been easy.
17:23Today, I've got two lunches, a coffee.
17:27Oh, and I'm going bowling with a guy from Yale.
17:30Thanks to you, I was able to clear my head and make my decision.
17:34No, you haven't.
17:35I have a lobster dinner next Tuesday.
17:38I've decided to go to Harvard.
17:41Harvard?
17:43I waited at that frozen yogurt shop for two hours and he never showed.
17:48I just wrote a letter of early acceptance.
17:50I'm mailing it today.
17:52They can accept me as early as tomorrow and all this will stop.
17:55Stop?
17:56Thanks again, Dad.
17:57It's a big relief to me.
18:00Harvard?
18:00You're destroying your life!
18:06Sorry, Francis.
18:08I guess visiting wasn't such a great idea.
18:13Thanks for trying to show me a good time.
18:18I only need bus fare to get home, so I'm leaving you the rest.
18:22Goodbye, Francis.
18:33Wait!
18:38Wow!
18:39Francis, you look great!
18:40Thanks.
18:43I realized you were right.
18:45For some reason, I've just been sitting around waiting for my life to start happening.
18:49I know that it's childish and immature for me to think that some job's just going to fall out of the sky.
18:59Hey, man, what's up?
19:00Francis!
19:02You're never going to believe this.
19:04Remember how you were always telling us to rock on?
19:07Yeah, Travis, rock on.
19:09That's what we did!
19:10And now they signed my band, Ass Bandit, to a record contract!
19:14We actually have a song on the radio, and we were wondering if you wanted to manage us.
19:20Really?
19:21Yeah, man, you were always there for us.
19:24Borrowing our money so we couldn't get wasted on beer.
19:27Taking our car so we'd be stuck here and have to practice all the time.
19:30And it totally paid off.
19:32Now we are going to tour Europe!
19:35You've got to come with us, Francis.
19:37All you've got to do is make sure the hotel rooms kick ass and the chicks are hot.
19:41I don't know.
19:43Sounds like a lot of traveling.
19:46Eh, what the hell.
19:47I'll do it.
19:48Ow!
19:49Ow!
19:51Mmm!
20:00Tawny Port.
20:02I want this to be a night to remember.
20:04I think it could be.
20:05Malcolm told me that he was very excited about Badgley-Owen's University.
20:12We're very excited about Malcolm.
20:16Are you really?
20:17Well, perhaps, this will convince you.
20:26Oh, Vince.
20:29I don't know what to say.
20:31Just say yes.
20:33Malcolm will be going to Badgley next fall.
20:35I'm such a mess, I can't even get it on my finger.
20:48Let me help.
20:52Dad.
20:53Malcolm.
20:54What are you doing here?
20:55What was my letter of intent to Harvard doing in your secret money drawer?
21:00Harvard?
21:01Is this true?
21:04Well, you're damn right it is.
21:06I think this dinner's over.
21:07Vince, I can explain.
21:09I don't want to hear it.
21:09Goodbye, Vince.
21:24This is my decision.
21:27My future.
21:28You're a kid.
21:30You could change your mind.
21:31You just needed a cooling off period.
21:34I almost married a Mexican woman two weeks before I married your mother.
21:39What are you doing?
21:40You're mortgaging my future for some dinners and a few sweaters?
21:46I got other stuff.
21:48Ponchos, seat cushions.
21:51All right.
21:52I was going to let you make the final decision.
21:56But I just like the attention.
22:03I loved the attention.
22:08If I was a woman, I'd be a slut.
22:12You were just leading all these guys out.
22:14I know.
22:16It's just...
22:20Malcolm, I'm an average guy.
22:24In the middle of my life.
22:26In a job that can replace me in an hour.
22:30I was never an important man.
22:31You're the only important thing I've ever done.
22:39Oh, God.
22:43Don't go bad, Dad.
22:46You raised me.
22:47You deserve the attention.
22:49No.
22:51Vince left the check.
22:52Vince, what's wrong?
23:00I got the results of our green card test in this envelope.
23:04But I just can't open it.
23:06I know I didn't pass.
23:07I totally panicked.
23:08Oh, Vince, don't be silly.
23:12These tests are for people who aren't living together, who aren't in love.
23:16You have a real marriage.
23:18This is no problem.
23:19But, Mom, what if I...
23:21You'll be fine.
23:23This is a mother's promise to her son.
23:25Oh, wow, Reese.
23:34I'm so, so sorry.
23:37Quit stalling.
23:38How'd I do?
23:40The INS is denying Raduka's request for a green card.
23:45They're questioning the validity of your marriage.
23:47They want her to report to their office tomorrow.
23:51You said Raduka had a tail?
23:53Might have a tail?
23:55I don't know what the hell was going on back there.
23:57I was nervous.
23:58Reese, I feel just terrible.
24:00That's it.
24:02It's the end of my marriage.
24:04The one thing that was going right in my life is ruined.
24:07No, Reese.
24:08Nothing is ruined.
24:09If you love this girl, you'll find a way to overcome this obstacle.
24:13I don't know.
24:14Remember when I told you you couldn't keep that tarantula?
24:17Six months later, what did I find in my salad?
24:23My tarantula.
24:24You hung on to it because you loved it.
24:26And you love Raduka.
24:28We are not going to let the United States government smash her with a shoe.
24:32Come on.
24:33Let's go tell her we'll figure out a way to work this thing out.
24:36Oh, my God.
24:47How come your brother doesn't have a waiting period?
24:55Dewey, I just got off the phone with your English teacher.
24:57She said you got an F on your paper.
25:01Huh?
25:01An F.
25:03You keep this up, you'll fail the class, which will go on your record,
25:06which will determine where you are placed in high school
25:08and where you will go to college, if anywhere.
25:11Don't go to college.
25:12It's okay with me.
25:16How do you think you're going to make your way in the world?
25:19You don't get it, Mom.
25:21Things take care of themselves.
25:25Rock on.
25:31Rock on.
25:44Rock on.
25:46Rock on.
25:59Rock on.
25:59Rock on.