- 5/19/2025
Malcolm In The Middle Season 7 Episode 6 Secret Boyfriend
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00:00You wanted me to do that.
00:04Of course you had to have known I was going to know that.
00:09Unless you didn't think I was smart enough.
00:11But I'm smarter than...
00:14You know what? I'm not smart enough to figure it out.
00:17So what? Big deal.
00:18I'm not sure if I have the gift or he does.
00:48You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
00:53You're not the boss of me now.
00:56You're not the boss of me now.
00:58You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
01:05Life is unfair.
01:07Oh, great. I have Larry Neff as a lab partner.
01:21The groper.
01:22The experiment's going to be hard enough as it is
01:24without my lab partner trying to honk my boobs every five minutes.
01:29You think you've got it bad?
01:30I got stuck with Vicki Jarrett.
01:33Are you kidding me?
01:34I don't really know.
01:34I know, sir.
01:36That's what I'm...
01:37Brad, not again. You're hilarious.
01:44Okay, so she's totally hot.
01:46But I'm going to end up doing all the work by myself,
01:49which would be fine, but then she'll ask me to explain it.
01:51And then she'll start to cry because the little bulb
01:53on the top of her spine that she calls her brain
01:55will start to hurt, and then I'll end up looking like a jerk.
01:58Oh, come on, Malcolm. Give her a chance.
02:02Hey, maybe you two can come up with a new formula for lip gloss.
02:05Okay, you've got your partners.
02:12Let's get started.
02:15Hi.
02:17Hi.
02:18I have a confession to make.
02:20I requested you as a lab partner.
02:22Yeah, that doesn't surprise me.
02:24Look, I'll walk you through the experiment.
02:26I'll do your homework, but I will not cheat in on a test for you, okay?
02:29Fair enough.
02:30Okay.
02:32I'll dry the substrate and remove the ether on the evaporators.
02:36You, uh, want to wash the beakers?
02:39That's science, too.
02:42Come on, Malcolm.
02:43I am a part of the team.
02:45Vicki, believe me.
02:46I would let you help if I had any confidence that you knew what we were trying to do here.
02:50But all you do is sit in class, and you giggle, and whisper to your friend...
02:53Hand me the morpholino-cyclohexene, and you mix in the dry dioxane with the methylvinyl ketone.
03:02Oh, my God, you're smart!
03:03Shh!
03:04Nobody needs to know that.
03:08I don't get it.
03:10Why do you need me to be your partner?
03:13Maybe I think you're cute.
03:15Anyway, it'd be nice to talk to someone about something deeper than the latest ringtone they've downloaded.
03:21Most of my friends spend all their time...
03:23I know she's still talking, but I didn't hear anything after I think you're cute.
03:27Michelle, I'm stupid.
03:34Oh, for God's sake.
03:37What is it?
03:37A notice for Reese to sign up for career day, which was last Wednesday.
03:42He completely blew it off.
03:44What are we going to do with him, Hal?
03:46He shows absolutely no interest in his future.
03:49Sorry, honey.
03:50I thought you had given up on him, too.
03:52He doesn't go to school.
03:54He doesn't work.
03:55He's 18 years old, and he's still Reese.
03:57That is not acceptable.
03:59What are you going to do?
04:03Dad!
04:04I did it.
04:05I went to the Putt-Putt Palace, and I beat your best golf score.
04:08Good for you, Dewey.
04:09Hey, let's have a look.
04:12Four and the witches, Dan.
04:14Got caught in the swamp, huh?
04:16That's why I always take a pitching wedge.
04:19Yeah, but then I birdied Three Little Pigs and Pirates Cove.
04:23Fantastic.
04:23Of course, there was an unusually high pollen count when I got my top score, so who knows what it could have been.
04:30But that doesn't take anything away from this.
04:32Yes, it is quite an achievement, son.
04:35Hey, a hole-in-one on the 18th?
04:42You got a free game!
04:43Actually, the ball got stuck in the hole in the clown's mouth, so the guy said I didn't qualify.
04:49What?
04:49Everyone knows you ace the 18th hole, you win a free game.
04:54It's a sacred pact.
04:56Well, you throw that out, next thing you know, you're going to have a man marrying a horse down at City Hall.
05:02Which guy was he?
05:04I don't know.
05:05I don't know, really tall, kind of heavy.
05:08Oh, I know him.
05:10I was two tickets short of a giant comb, and he wouldn't budge.
05:14I ended up with a troll keychain that went bald inside a week.
05:19So, what'd you do about it?
05:22It's no big deal, Dad.
05:24You let people take advantage of you.
05:27But I got my best score ever.
05:30Son, I look at this card, and all I see is shame.
05:34There we go, honey.
05:52Now, I know it's against doctor's orders, but I did get us a little something sweet.
06:00Okay, Al.
06:01Oh, but you be careful with your new bridge work.
06:05Uh-huh.
06:07Oh, would you look at that.
06:09Little Robbie was such a cute baby.
06:12Oh, it reminds me, Malcolm Coldwell, you were out.
06:16It seems Robbie has burned down the neighbor's pool house.
06:20Malcolm says he's at his wit's end with that boy.
06:22Okay.
06:31Are you ready for this?
06:35I got an F on my math final.
06:37Oh, no reason.
06:39I thought you said you studied.
06:41Why even waste my time?
06:42You know Mr. Escobar totally has it out for me because I used to call his dad Braceface.
06:47But you are going to pass this time, right, son?
06:50Do I look like a genie?
06:52I can't predict the future.
06:54So why don't you just do me a favor and get off my back, okay, old man?
06:59You can't treat your father like that.
07:02You should have a cork in it, you crazy old hag.
07:05My heart pills.
07:07You'll get these when I get a sandwich.
07:09Off your wrinkled butt.
07:11Go, go, go.
07:12Brace, you may think you're pulling some kind of scam, but I'm on to you.
07:22You are getting a job starting tomorrow.
07:25And keep your dirty mitts off your father's toupee.
07:32I had the weirdest dream last night.
07:35This crazy witch with snakes for hair was screaming at me.
07:38It was like she was going to kill me, but for some reason it was really important to her that I get a job.
07:44Did you have bugged out crazy eyes?
07:45Yeah!
07:46She shows up in a lot of my dreams.
07:49Good morning, Reese.
07:50Going to get a job today?
07:53Okay, this is a little freaky.
07:55I don't see you looking in the want ads.
07:57You know, I had a job, Mom.
07:59And looking back on the whole experience, I've come to the conclusion that it's just not for me.
08:04I'm done with the job thing.
08:05I'm sorry, Reese, but not working isn't one of your options.
08:09Okay, I think I know what's going on here.
08:12Now, look, I want you to know that I'm not criticizing you and Dad.
08:15You obviously don't mind wasting your lives doing meaningless, repetitive tasks for unappreciative bosses.
08:21I respect that.
08:23Do you mind telling me what you intend to do?
08:26I'd like to finish my cereal.
08:28All right, Reese, that's it.
08:30I am tired of fighting you on this.
08:33Until you get a job, this free ride is over.
08:38Is anyone else getting a little tired of her?
08:40There you go.
08:47You're always so right.
08:49It's all a big show.
08:50It's all about you.
08:52You think you know what everyone needs.
08:56You always take touch and criticize me.
08:59It seems like every day I make mistakes.
09:03I just can't get it right.
09:07So shut up, shut up, shut up.
09:09Come on in here.
09:11Get up, get up, get up.
09:13Get out of my way.
09:14Step up, step up, step up.
09:16You'll never stop me.
09:18Nothing you said to death is gonna bring me down.
09:22I'm sorry, Spider-Man.
09:23Hey, where were you?
09:29You missed it.
09:30Randy Gerber shoved an entire tater tot up a ninth grader's nose.
09:35Oh, I forgot to tell you.
09:36Vicki and I are gonna walk over and get lunch at the mall.
09:39Malcolm, what are you doing?
09:41We both agreed she's cheerleader scum.
09:43But that was before she made out with me for an hour behind the gym.
09:48Shut up.
09:49I know, I can't believe it either.
09:51And you know what else?
09:51She's sweet and kind and smart.
09:55Really smart.
09:56So the nasty, self-absorbed, shallow thing is just an act.
10:01Wow, she's good.
10:03Somebody's a little late.
10:04Sorry, my friends were having a raging debate on glitter versus glass.
10:09I couldn't just duck out of it.
10:10Didn't Verma's last theorem settle that?
10:13He wishes.
10:17Hey, guys.
10:18Hey, what's with the geek?
10:20I thought chem lab wasn't until fifth period.
10:24Actually, Vicki and I are going to the mall to get lunch.
10:29You are so funny.
10:30Come on, son.
10:41Keep up.
10:43And remember, just because a person is in a position of power doesn't mean you can let them intimidate you.
10:49Can't we just stick a potato in his exhaust pipe like we did with your boss?
10:53There he is.
10:53Excuse me.
10:54Can I help you?
10:57Well, you better talk to this guy.
10:59He's pretty steam.
11:01I got a hole-in-one in the 18th hole, and I didn't get a free game.
11:08I remember you.
11:09Ball got stuck.
11:11Thought we went over this.
11:12We did.
11:13But for some reason, I just wanted to come over here and make sure.
11:19Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
11:20No, my son is not done with you yet.
11:22Go on, tell him, Dewey.
11:24I have friends.
11:27Excuse me?
11:28I have friends.
11:30Friends who don't mind driving an extra 30 miles to the next miniature golf course, even if it does have a crow problem.
11:37Are you threatening me?
11:39Boy, it sure sounds like he is to me.
11:41Listen, kid.
11:43The ball didn't ring the bell.
11:45The ball doesn't ring the bell, no free game.
11:47And yet the boy feels like he got a hole-in-one.
11:51Now listen, if you want to think he got a hole-in-one, I'll give you a scorecard.
11:56You can give yourself 18 holes-in-one.
11:59Excuse me.
12:04Dewey!
12:05No!
12:06Don't worry, I got him.
12:07But I am not always going to be here.
12:11Come on.
12:11Calm down.
12:12Malcolm, what happened?
12:17I thought we were meeting at the bookstore last night.
12:20You actually expected me to show up after the way you blew me off yesterday?
12:23Please don't be that way.
12:25What happened yesterday means nothing.
12:28What really matters is how special you are to me.
12:31Special?
12:31Yes.
12:32I really want to be with you, Malcolm.
12:34I just can't be seen with you in public.
12:36What?
12:38Are you serious?
12:40You have to appreciate my situation.
12:43I am incredibly popular.
12:45I've been homecoming queen twice.
12:47And there's a certain image of me that people here are really invested in.
12:52How do you think this makes me feel?
12:55Look, nerdball, I have no idea where the math club meets.
12:58Did you lose your laminated map?
13:00All that matters is that you know how crazy I am about you.
13:07I think it's really romantic.
13:09It's like Romeo and Juliet.
13:11Our love has to be hidden.
13:13I'm not hiding it.
13:14I wish you would.
13:17So what you're saying is you can't be seen with me in the cafeteria or the quad or at dances?
13:23Or at games.
13:23And I can only see you someplace where, God forbid, we won't run into any of your friends?
13:28Right.
13:28No, it's not like that.
13:33Okay.
13:34Okay.
13:38That breakfast looks pretty good.
13:53Yeah, it is.
13:55You want to do me a favor and go stink it up someplace else?
13:58How do you think I feel?
13:59I have to smell me all the time.
14:01Look, I've been having a tough week.
14:04Is there any chance you could lend me a couple bucks?
14:07Ooh, sorry.
14:08I don't have my wallet on me.
14:09I'll catch you next time.
14:11God bless you.
14:12You know, Dewey, what Reese is doing is pointless and idiotic.
14:16But I think you can really learn something from him.
14:19This is what it looks like when someone stands up for themselves.
14:23I didn't get the free game, Dad.
14:25I accept that we don't always get what we want.
14:28Being part of this family has really prepared me for that.
14:32Listen, do me a favor, will you?
14:34Talk to your brother.
14:36I'll see what I can do.
14:38Do you think you'd help a guy a little down on his luck?
14:42Here.
14:43Don't tell your mother.
14:45Smells like a dead squirrel's in the wall again, Hal.
14:48Oh, my God.
14:51It's you, Reese.
14:52You smell like an open sewer.
14:55And whose fault is that?
14:56Yours.
14:57All you have to do to stop this nonsense is get a job.
15:01Excuse me, but I think I've made it pretty clear where I stand in that issue.
15:04Well, you can't stay here like this.
15:07Is that an apology?
15:08No, it's an invitation to live in the backyard.
15:11Listen to yourself.
15:12You don't even send the least big guilty.
15:14I've given you enough chances.
15:16Out!
15:16Okay, but if the cats start disappearing from the neighborhood, don't blame me!
15:25Things are going better than ever with Vicki.
15:27We went on a picnic, to the movies, and she even lets me ride in her car.
15:31As long as I keep my head down.
15:35Oh, by the way, I was able to get out of that student council meeting, so I'm free after school.
15:40Hey, great.
15:41I was thinking that the hydroxide ions necessary for the neutralization must be supplied by a weak base such as ammonium hydroxide.
15:50What is with you, freak?
15:53Every time I turn around, you're hounding Vicki about that stupid experiment.
15:57Is he bothering you?
15:59Yeah, kinda.
16:02Vicki alone!
16:04Okay, butt wipe.
16:05You know, I was kinda skeptical at first.
16:20Now I see what you two have is really beautiful.
16:23Oh, no, you don't!
16:35Reese!
16:36Okay, what now?
16:38What on earth do you think you're doing?
16:41We're testing on our new heating system.
16:43I think it's gonna be a very comfortable winter.
16:45Hi, Lloyd Johnson.
16:47I'm an associate of your sons.
16:49Get out of here before I turn the hose on you!
16:52You can't treat Lloyd like that after what the CIA did to his brainwaves.
16:56Reese, I want you to get this eyesore out of here right now!
17:00Eyesore?
17:01That is a Sub-Zero box.
17:03It's a hell of a lot nicer than anything we've ever thrown out.
17:06All right, you won't get rid of it?
17:07I will.
17:12Oh!
17:14Joe!
17:14I could have told you those boxes are reinforced with some curtains and a couple of plants.
17:19It was gonna look very nice.
17:20Oh, just shut up and help me get in the house!
17:26Oh!
17:28Look, Vicki.
17:30I know, I know, but it's a school dance, so my being there shouldn't be an issue.
17:36No, no, I know.
17:38Of course it'll fool everybody.
17:40But I just think it's kind of weird that you got me a date.
17:44I don't even like Cindy that much.
17:46And, you know, I want to be with...
17:48What'd you do that for?
17:50Consider this an intervention, Malcolm.
17:52I'm declaring you incompetent to run your own love life.
17:55What are you talking about?
17:57Vicki and I have this incredible relationship.
17:59There are worlds inside that I have yet to discover.
18:03And I know she feels the same way about me.
18:05Really?
18:05Is that why she threw a soda can at you?
18:07That was my fault.
18:08I wasn't supposed to be in the quad.
18:10Malcolm, you deserve better.
18:13I mean, there are lots of girls who would be proud to actually be seen with you in public.
18:17Oh, really?
18:18Like who?
18:20Like me.
18:24What?
18:27But...
18:27But all we do is fight all the time.
18:32Figure it out, genius.
18:33Here's some ice for your back, Mom.
18:47There.
18:48I also made you some soup because I figured you might get hungry later.
18:54You know, really hungry.
18:56No, I'm okay now, Reese.
18:58Well, I'm going to go back outside and bang out the dents in my bedroom.
19:03Reese?
19:07You should move your box closer to the garage.
19:09You'll be out of the wind that way.
19:11Thanks.
19:13Wait a minute.
19:16I really appreciate you helping me out.
19:18If there's anything you need...
19:19I'm fine.
19:19I found a mattress in the alley and Lloyd's going to let me hang with them tomorrow at
19:23his freeway off-ramp.
19:25Well, I was going to say, if you wanted my soup, you could have...
19:29As long as you're not going to eat it, because I could take it to leave it.
19:40Malcolm, where have you been?
19:42Cindy's just been sitting there bored out of her mind.
19:44Yeah.
19:46I'm not going to the dance.
19:47I'm just here to tell you, I don't think we should see each other anymore.
19:51I thought things were going really great between us.
19:53Would you mind moving over behind that plant?
19:55No, I'm not hiding anymore, Vicki.
19:58You may not realize it, but there are girls who would be thrilled to be seeing me in public.
20:03Malcolm, please.
20:04You think they...
20:05Hey, Vicki, that Uzbek kid is dancing again.
20:09It's hilarious.
20:12What's going on?
20:13I'll be with you in a moment.
20:20Malcolm, I know this has been really difficult for you.
20:23It's just a lab experiment, okay?
20:26Just give it a little more time.
20:29Things will get better.
20:30I don't care if the cobalt crystals are dissolving.
20:33It's Friday night.
20:35Just give me another chance.
20:37Forget it, Vicki.
20:40It's over.
20:43Whatever.
20:47Can I just go back to bed?
20:56I'd say yes if I thought you could live with yourself, son.
20:59Now, we are going to get you your free game.
21:05This is the moment of truth, and we can stand tall knowing we have the moral high ground.
21:11Now, lift the fence so I can crawl under.
21:15That's it.
21:15Now line it up.
21:17And easy with the backswing.
21:19Dad, this is ridiculous.
21:21I can't see a thing.
21:22All right, Dewey.
21:24I am tired of your attitude.
21:27Now, you are owed a fun time.
21:30And if you're not having fun, then we're just a couple of idiots playing miniature golf at midnight.
21:35Okay.
21:36You want to have fun?
21:37Let's have fun.
21:42Great.
21:43The ball is stuck in there now.
21:45Good.
21:45No, no, no, no.
21:47We are not quitting that easily.
21:49Look, son, I know you're angry, but if you're really honest with yourself, you realize you're not mad at me.
21:55It sure feels like I am.
21:56No, you are mad at the jerk that runs this place.
22:00Betty's at home right now, sitting in his barca lounger with a big bowl of popcorn on his lap, chuckling at us.
22:08Oh, I pulled a fast one on the left.
22:12Hey, what was that?
22:15Hey, Dewey, the door's locked.
22:17What's going on?
22:17I told you I was happy without my free game, but you wouldn't listen.
22:22Dewey, I'm your father.
22:24Let me out.
22:25Just because someone's in a position of power, you can't let them intimidate you, right?
22:30Don't you walk away from...
22:32Dewey!
22:33Hey!
22:34You're standing up to me.
22:36Goodbye.
22:38Wait, that's all I wanted.
22:41Hey, what's this?
22:43Raccoons.
22:43Don't you even care that your father's been meeked by my coat?
22:51I did it.
22:54I told Vicki it was over, and it felt so good.
22:59Wow.
23:00That's great, Malcolm.
23:01You know, to be honest, I didn't think you had the strength to do it.
23:06So that's it.
23:08Now we're free to be together.
23:10Yeah.
23:11You know, there's just one problem.
23:13I don't feel that way about you, Malcolm.
23:17What?
23:19But what about what you said?
23:20Yeah, I lied about that.
23:22I just couldn't stand to see someone make a fool of you.
23:26Someone besides me, that is.
23:29But...
23:30Great.
23:32I just blew off Vicki, and now I'm left standing here looking like a complete idiot.
23:36But you recognize it.
23:38See, you're getting better already.
23:40You're so sure of yourself, aren't you?
23:43Well, the truth is, I didn't need you.
23:45I could have figured this out on my own.
23:46Yeah.
23:47Sometime after your secret marriage and three secret kids.
23:50Shut up.
23:52Look, Malcolm, I'm on your side.
23:57I mean, do you really think I just hang out with you out of pity?
24:02You're an amazing, complicated guy who's always surprising me.
24:13I mean, who knows where things could go between us.
24:16Yeah, nothing.
24:25Good night, Malcolm.
24:31Okay, the heating pad's plugged in.
24:33Here's your aspirin.
24:34And let me know if you need anything else.
24:36I'm really sorry about your back, Mom.
24:40Thank you, Reese.
24:41I am still angry with you.
24:44But you've really come through for me.
24:47Your blankets and your sheets are in the trunk of my car.
24:50You can move back in if you want.
24:52Thanks, Mom.
24:54I'd like that.
24:55What's the matter with you?
25:09Are you deaf?
25:11It's time for my sponge bath.
25:13You think these stomach foals are going to scrape themselves out?
25:23I'm going to get a job.
25:24I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
25:27And just in case I don't, you can clean out your own damn stomach foals.
25:30I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:00I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:01I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:02I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:03I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:04I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:05I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:06I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:07I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:08I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:09I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:10I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:11I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:12I'm going to have a life of my own away from here.
26:13You
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