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00:00I'm sorry.
00:30Mr. Shelley.
00:34Yes.
00:36How was the holiday?
00:37Sorry?
00:39I thought maybe you'd been away somewhere
00:41since the last time you saw me.
00:43Quick round-the-world trip, maybe.
00:45Is this what your way of telling me you've been waiting?
00:47Waiting? I've been putting down roots.
00:50Another 15 minutes, I'll have the right to this cubicle
00:53as a sitting tenant.
00:55And this is only since they took the X-ray.
00:57Mr. Shelley, I'm sorry.
00:58I should point out I'm terrified.
01:00I'm a registered hypochondriac.
01:02First time I found fluff in my belly button,
01:05I thought it was a fatal infection.
01:07When something serious happens,
01:09I am liable to die just from cowardice.
01:11Something serious?
01:13Somebody knocked me unconscious.
01:15I wonder why, Mr. Shelley.
01:17Look, there's probably nothing wrong with you at all
01:18and you're certainly not going to die on us.
01:20Only of old age.
01:22Dr. Hall!
01:23In here, sir, it's the consultant.
01:25Oh, yes?
01:25The consultant.
01:27Should I kneel down and avert my eyes?
01:30Is this him?
01:33Yes, sir.
01:34Who are all these?
01:36I didn't realise doctors were like buses.
01:38You don't see one for hours and five come in.
01:40This is a teaching hospital.
01:42There's a notice explaining you may be seen by students.
01:45Oh, so this is how they're going to make the NHS pay.
01:48Let in spectators.
01:50Adwina Curry on the turnstiles, handing out the white coats.
01:53Fiver for a vasectomy, 50 quid for a hernia.
01:56And the really popular operations like heart transplants
02:00done in front of a capacity crowd in Wembley Stadium.
02:05Shock?
02:06No, sir.
02:07I think he's always like this.
02:09So what happened to him?
02:10He was mugged and knocked unconscious.
02:12I can see the appeal.
02:15Sorry?
02:16You're very loquacious, Mr. Shelley.
02:18I talk a lot when I'm worried.
02:20Of course, I also talk a lot when I'm not worried.
02:22But when I'm worried, I'm like Neil Kinnock on Fast Forward.
02:27Worried?
02:27I've seen people get knocked out like you,
02:29then come round and play another 50 minutes of rugby.
02:32Yes, but with rugby players,
02:33it takes more than 50 minutes for the pain message
02:35to reach the brain.
02:38I played rugby.
02:40Very well, I hear, sir.
02:41So, no neurological problems, no memory loss?
02:48Only the few seconds before he was struck.
02:50I can't remember arriving at the hospital.
02:53That's only because it was so long ago.
02:55What's he going on about?
02:56Apparently he's been waiting for four hours.
02:58And it's lucky he arrived at a slack time.
03:02How long were you unconscious?
03:04I don't know, I was unconscious.
03:07I came round in the back of the car on the way to the hospital.
03:10I thought as we didn't know,
03:11it was better to keep him in overnight.
03:13And then, um, I've seen the x-rays
03:15and he has had a lot of headaches recently.
03:17You see, Mr Shelley, in case he's like this...
03:18You run along now and deal with the sick and the aged.
03:23Now, why am I here?
03:28Dealing with rather a drab little case,
03:30which normally we take one look at
03:32and then throw back in the pond,
03:33provided it knew how many fingers I was holding up.
03:36How many fingers am I holding up?
03:39Three, sir.
03:46I was asking the patient.
03:49Three.
03:51Tell me.
03:52What is wrong with this man,
03:56apart from him talking too much?
03:58Fractured skull, sir?
04:00Is it one of those eggshell ones
04:02that just cave in at the slightest knock?
04:05Don't be stupid, it's been knocked already.
04:08Has the brain shrunk, sir?
04:12No.
04:13Excuse me,
04:13don't want to interrupt or get in the way or anything,
04:16but I'm the patient.
04:16Yes, after all these years,
04:18I've got very good at recognising them.
04:20They're the ones nobody talks to.
04:24How do you recognise a patient?
04:26Swift?
04:27Sir?
04:28Recognising the patient?
04:29Very useful when carrying out operations.
04:31They're the ones without the white coats.
04:33Now, the cella tercica.
04:38Mean anything to you?
04:39Swift.
04:41How about the brain?
04:43The head?
04:44The cella tercica is a depression in the base of the skull.
04:48Correct.
04:49Peter.
04:50Peter.
04:50Here, and we see it is slightly enlarged,
04:56which could indicate a benign growth.
04:59Sir, a CT scan for a better look
05:01on a glucose tolerance test.
05:03Do you have insurance?
05:05Life insurance?
05:07Medical insurance.
05:09Do you wish to go private?
05:11Will I be treated by you?
05:14Oh, yes.
05:14In that case, I'll go NHS.
05:17I'll see you again tomorrow.
05:19We're keeping you overnight for some tests.
05:21Goodbye.
05:22Yes, but what exactly is wrong...
05:23Come along!
05:24There's no need to worry, Mr Shelley.
05:26Swift!
05:27Come on, I have a hepatitis case
05:28who's turned green instead of yellow.
05:32I probably heard you were coming.
05:43Is that me?
05:45I suppose I do look a bit like that on a Monday morning.
05:49Amazing.
05:52We'll all end up like that in the end.
05:55An empty, hollow skull.
05:58Well, except disc jockeys, of course,
05:59who are like that to start with.
06:01It's true, that's all there'll be left.
06:04The rest consumed by worms.
06:06Worms eaten by birds.
06:09Birds flying south, getting eaten by Frenchmen.
06:11I'm sure I want to end up being scoffed in a cafe
06:15with a side salad and chips.
06:18Maybe I should leave my body to research
06:21and have medical students taking parts of my anatomy
06:24along to parties as a joke.
06:26No, let's not get morbid.
06:29Everything's going to be fine.
06:30Did you sleep all right, Mr Shelley?
06:45Fine.
06:46Apart from abject terror and not having a pillow.
06:50Couldn't you have rolled up a towel?
06:52No, because I don't have a towel either.
06:55Oh.
06:56May seem there's any beds, really.
06:58You said it.
07:00I'll pop over to Children's Ward.
07:01I think they've got some cushions you could use.
07:03Did you do that in operations?
07:04We're all out of scalpels,
07:05but I'll nip over to the kitchen
07:07and grab a potato peel.
07:11Oh, dear, the resuscitators are on the blink again.
07:14Hold it while I back the car up to the window
07:16and stick the jump lead through.
07:19You should be keeping quiet in your condition.
07:22Talking too much is bad for you.
07:24People have been telling me that for years.
07:26But what is my condition?
07:27Most of the doctors here,
07:29the Gestapo couldn't get them to talk.
07:32Mr Shelley, they must have said something.
07:34Yes, that there's probably nothing wrong at all.
07:38I never realised the power of the word probably
07:40to chill the blood.
07:42Neither probably I'll start writing out my will.
07:45I'm sure you're fine.
07:46Fine?
07:48I've just been for some more x-rays and a brain scan.
07:51All there, was it?
07:52What were they looking at?
07:57Micella tersica.
07:58Ah, I can't help you there, then, I'm afraid.
08:00We haven't done that bit yet.
08:01But you're probably...
08:02Almost certainly fine.
08:05Now, I'm just going to take some blood.
08:08With that?
08:10I'm not going to use my teeth.
08:11I'd just like to say,
08:15I am 100% behind the nurses.
08:18Hmm.
08:21Get someone on the wrong end of a hypodermic,
08:24and they usually are.
08:25Give me the Minister of Health in this bed
08:27for half an hour,
08:28and we'd soon have nurses' pay sorted out.
08:31Which reminds me,
08:33I'm secretary for the appeal for the new kidney machine.
08:35Would you, uh, care to make a contribution?
08:38Well, I'd love to, honestly,
08:39but they stole my wallet when I was mugged.
08:41Honestly.
08:42I'm only joking.
08:44Does this make you nervous?
08:46Yes, I'm a coward.
08:47It's written on my passport under profession.
08:49Hmm.
08:51Well, don't look if you don't want to.
08:52Yeah, I'll, uh, lie back and think of England.
08:55Mr Shelley?
08:56Yes?
08:57Don't you normally tap the vein
08:58to get it to stand up
08:59before you stick the needle in?
09:01I wouldn't be too graphic
09:03about what's going on if I were you.
09:05I have a weak stomach.
09:06They've run out of buckets,
09:07and your helmet's the nearest thing above.
09:10I was only interested.
09:12Yeah, hold that.
09:14Now, I'll be back for some more
09:16every half hour
09:17for the next two and a half hours, OK?
09:20Thank you, Nurse Dracula.
09:22Thank you, Mr Shelley.
09:25I'll leave you with Dr Christian Barnard here.
09:28Uh, P.C. Barnes.
09:30I'm just here to transcribe
09:31the statement about the mugging, sir.
09:33Now, the hospital said
09:34Weldon Road,
09:35opposite the builder's yard,
09:36about seven.
09:37Yes, well, I'd, uh,
09:38just been down the pub
09:39for a quick drink.
09:40Oh, so you'd been down the pub, sir?
09:42No, I wasn't drunk.
09:44I'd had one pint of some chemical lager
09:47with a silly German name
09:48that couldn't knock out a gnat.
09:50In fact,
09:51was probably produced
09:52by a squadron of incontinence.
09:55I'll just put down
09:56you had one pint.
09:57Now,
09:58what exactly happened?
10:00Well,
10:00I heard running footsteps behind me,
10:02uh,
10:03saw this large figure
10:04loom out of the dark,
10:06and I woke up in the car
10:07on the way to the hospital
10:08with my head feeling
10:09as if it had been sat on
10:10by Robert Maxwell
10:11and a couple of sumo wrestlers.
10:14I see.
10:15And what exactly was taken?
10:17My wallet.
10:18Ah.
10:18With how much in it?
10:19About £3.50.
10:21£3.50?
10:23Not his lucky day, was it?
10:27What do you mean?
10:28Well, he goes out,
10:29takes a chance,
10:29mugs someone,
10:30opens up the wallet,
10:31three and a half quid,
10:32hardly pays his cab fare home.
10:34Oh, thanks, thanks a lot.
10:36Glad to see whose side you're on.
10:37Next you'll be charging me
10:39with grievous bodily poverty.
10:41Going unequipped to be mugged.
10:43Not at all, sir.
10:44Now, what else was in the wallet?
10:45Checkbook?
10:46Bank card?
10:47No.
10:47Service tool card?
10:49Credit card?
10:49No.
10:51What, no credit card?
10:53I'm sorry,
10:53I probably spoiled his weekend.
10:56My entry will get taken
10:58out of the good victim's guide.
11:00No, I just meant,
11:01how'd you get by
11:02without a credit card?
11:03I barter,
11:04with beads and mirrors.
11:07And it's also
11:08this old-fashioned commodity
11:09I have known as cash.
11:11Well, not very often,
11:12as your mate,
11:13the mugger found out.
11:14Now, I'm not really
11:15taking the mugger's side, sir.
11:16It's just that a good cop
11:17I like to see
11:18everyone's point of view.
11:20Yes.
11:21Well, normally I'm all for
11:22shy, retiring policemen
11:24whose brains haven't shrunk
11:25in the wash.
11:26I ain't just been mugged.
11:27I was looking forward
11:28to a good old-fashioned,
11:30big-booted,
11:31low-browed,
11:32hanged-a-lot-of-em
11:33sort of rosser.
11:34Well, I'm sorry, sir,
11:35it's just not me.
11:36It's just because
11:36I've got an interest
11:37in medicine
11:38that I'm here
11:39on the crock run.
11:40The crock run?
11:42The hospital rounds.
11:45You see,
11:46I've always wanted
11:47to be a doctor,
11:47but they always insist
11:48on all these
11:49academic qualifications.
11:51I think it was much better
11:52in the old days
11:53when they put more emphasis
11:54on practical skills.
11:56An eye for a good leech
11:57and a steady sawing arm.
11:59Well, I'm hoping
12:00when they privatise things,
12:01they'll relax the rules a bit.
12:02Well, I'm sure
12:03whoever puts in
12:04the lowest tender,
12:05there'll be car mechanics
12:06doing minor operations.
12:08Shh!
12:09You've had a real cowboy
12:10working on this pelvis.
12:12I shall have to do
12:13a hip replacement.
12:14It'll be a few months,
12:15you just can't get the parts.
12:17Well, there's no need
12:18to take the mick.
12:19I've done a lot of studying
12:20on my own, you know.
12:21If ever I was caught
12:22in a blizzard
12:22with an appendicitis case,
12:24I could do it.
12:25I could take the appendix out.
12:27I'd practise on the wife.
12:30Not the operation.
12:31I'd just tell her
12:32what's wrong with her.
12:33And I'm always right.
12:35What's wrong with you,
12:36for example?
12:37It's a state secret.
12:39Really?
12:39They won't tell me.
12:41All I know is
12:41my cellotersica
12:43is enlarged.
12:45So,
12:46they found something odd
12:48on the X-ray.
12:49They've kept you in overnight.
12:50They've given you
12:51a brain scan
12:51and a glucose tolerance
12:52blood test, right?
12:54Right.
12:55It means
12:56they're worried
12:57the pituitary gland
12:58is enlarged,
13:00indicating a benign growth
13:01in the brain.
13:02I bet you feel better
13:05now you know.
13:08Over the moon.
13:10It's very rare,
13:11so you probably
13:11haven't got it.
13:12And even if you have,
13:13you'll probably be all right.
13:15Two probabilities
13:15for the price of one.
13:17I can see
13:18what a wonderful doctor
13:19you'd make.
13:20Sorry to interrupt,
13:21Mr Shelley,
13:21but I need to take
13:22some more blood.
13:23Oh, it's all right.
13:26This is for the appeal.
13:30I think he's fainted.
13:31LAUGHTER
13:32APPLAUSE
13:34APPLAUSE
13:35APPLAUSE
13:36APPLAUSE
13:38APPLAUSE
13:40APPLAUSE
13:42APPLAUSE
13:44APPLAUSE
13:46APPLAUSE
13:48APPLAUSE
13:50What a place.
14:04Patients next to me
14:05are trappists.
14:06The nurses carry
14:08giant hypodermics.
14:11A consultant learned
14:12his bedside manner
14:13from Dr Crippen
14:14and the only person
14:15who knows what's wrong
14:15with me is a policeman.
14:18With him around,
14:19you wouldn't dare
14:19have a nap.
14:21By the time you woke up,
14:22he'd have opened you up
14:23and whipped out
14:24your gallbladder
14:24for practice.
14:25LAUGHTER
14:26I hope I haven't
14:28got anything serious.
14:30There's still so much
14:31to do.
14:32Mountains to climb,
14:34novels to write,
14:36the milk to cancel.
14:38LAUGHTER
14:38I suppose I should
14:39devote my final moments
14:41to serious questions.
14:42Is there a heaven?
14:42Is there a hell?
14:44And if so,
14:45is it worse than
14:45Brent Cross Shopping Centre?
14:47LAUGHTER
14:48LAUGHTER
14:49Or perhaps there's
14:50reincarnation
14:51and if you're really bad
14:52you've come back
14:53as a Pekingese.
14:54LAUGHTER
14:55Or an Austrian.
14:57LAUGHTER
14:57Anyhow,
14:59no need to worry.
15:01Everything is going
15:02to be fine.
15:03Probably.
15:04LAUGHTER
15:04LAUGHTER
15:05Mr Shelley,
15:06someone to see you.
15:12Some friends of yours,
15:13Mr Shelley?
15:13No, my landlords.
15:14LAUGHTER
15:15LAUGHTER
15:16You see?
15:17What?
15:18I said to you,
15:19if you walk near that
15:20council estate after dark,
15:21you'll get mugged.
15:24I can see I'm going to
15:25get out of hospital,
15:27come home
15:27and find a foot-high
15:29banner across the street
15:30saying,
15:31I told you so.
15:32I'm sorry.
15:34How are you feeling?
15:35Much better.
15:36Oh, that's all right then.
15:37I can be rude to you as usual.
15:39Carol's right though.
15:40Street crime's a terrible problem.
15:41Some chap at work
15:42not only got mugged,
15:43he had his filofax
15:44taken for ransom.
15:46LAUGHTER
15:46Did he pay?
15:48Oh yes.
15:49They were burning a page
15:50every day
15:50and sending the ash to him.
15:52LAUGHTER
15:52How traumatic.
15:55Anyway,
15:55sit down.
15:56Or have they run out
15:57of chairs as well?
15:58No, amazing.
16:00There's a couple there.
16:04A bit rough and ready here,
16:06is it?
16:06Yes,
16:06and everything you've heard
16:07about the hospital food
16:08is true.
16:09I'm thinking of stealing
16:11that bloke's
16:12nil-by-mouth sign.
16:14LAUGHTER
16:14You should have gone private.
16:17But me,
16:17I can't afford it.
16:18They say,
16:19the medical treatment
16:20you receive on the NHS
16:21is just as good.
16:22So what do you get
16:22from going private?
16:24Laura Ashley floral
16:25pattern bandages?
16:27LAUGHTER
16:27Turbocharged wheelchairs,
16:29Gucci designer bedpans?
16:32Don't be ridiculous.
16:34Hospitals have to react
16:35to market forces
16:36like everything else.
16:37There's no room
16:38for lame ducks.
16:39Just see you
16:40in the Crimea War.
16:42Lucretia Nightingale,
16:43the lady with the arse thing.
16:46When will you be getting out
16:47then, James?
16:47Yes.
16:48When will my taxes
16:49stop paying for you
16:50to be here?
16:50LAUGHTER
16:50Well, I don't know.
16:52The bump from the muggings
16:53fine,
16:54but they found something else
16:55on the X-rays.
16:56Something serious?
16:58Well, I don't know.
16:59It could be.
16:59Depends how the tests
17:00come back.
17:01So what's the consultant say?
17:02Absolutely nothing.
17:04So who told you?
17:06LAUGHTER
17:07Well, the, uh...
17:10The policeman who came
17:13to take my statement.
17:14LAUGHTER
17:14A policeman?
17:16Yes, well,
17:16he knows a lot about medicine.
17:18Now, let me get this right.
17:20You're getting worried
17:21because you were told
17:22it could be something serious
17:23by a policeman.
17:24Well, it's not just
17:25the policeman.
17:26There was something
17:26wrong on the X-rays.
17:27I'm not making this up.
17:29I believe you, James.
17:30Remember Barney?
17:31We visited him in hospital.
17:32He looked just like James.
17:33Then a week later
17:34it was down in the crematorium.
17:35LAUGHTER
17:36What?
17:37I think you're worrying him.
17:40Am I?
17:42Do you know what really
17:43worries me about hospitals?
17:44No.
17:45That all the doctors
17:46were once medical students.
17:48I mean,
17:49have you ever seen
17:49a sober medical student?
17:50LAUGHTER
17:54His trousers round his ankles
17:55singing Land of Hope and Glory
17:56while eating someone's
17:57pet goldfish
17:58is next to your bed
17:59saying,
17:59no need to worry,
17:59Mr Tapscott,
18:00we'll have you fixed up
18:01in no time.
18:02Exactly.
18:03It's all sober and sensible
18:04and everything will be
18:05all right, Mr Shelley,
18:06until you get knocked out
18:07by the anaesthetic.
18:08And then suddenly
18:09it's out with the party poppers
18:11and the extra strong cider
18:12and the goldfish
18:13and it's,
18:14I bet you a fiver
18:15I can do this bypass
18:16with a can of lager
18:17balanced on my head.
18:19Don't let them
18:20have to operate on me,
18:21please, God.
18:22I thought you were
18:23an atheist.
18:25There are no atheists
18:26in an NHS hospital.
18:29Now, don't be silly.
18:30The medical standards
18:31are still very high.
18:33Do you know what you need?
18:34A bit of exercise.
18:36Take up running.
18:36You'd stay so much more healthy.
18:37Oh, don't be a total pillow, Graham.
18:40He's in hospital
18:41with something wrong
18:42with his head.
18:43How is running
18:44going to help that?
18:45No, Graham's right.
18:46If I ever get out of here,
18:47I'm going to lead
18:48a healthier life.
18:49Take up a sport.
18:51You mean your jog
18:52between the bed
18:52and the sofa?
18:53No, no, seriously.
18:55I shall stop living off
18:56oven-ready chips,
18:58pot noodles,
18:58ice cream,
18:59spend less time
19:00down the pub,
19:01grow my own vegetables.
19:02Where?
19:03In the living room,
19:04probably.
19:05It still hasn't
19:06vacuumed that carpet.
19:07Yes, and I must
19:07start doing that properly.
19:09I've got to organise
19:09my time,
19:11achieve something
19:12with my life.
19:13Are you sure
19:14that blow on the head
19:14didn't affect you?
19:16No, I've been thinking.
19:17It did, then.
19:20I mean,
19:20if I kicked the bucket now,
19:21what would I leave
19:22to the world?
19:23Three weeks,
19:24dirty washing
19:24and an overdue library book.
19:26I know what you mean.
19:27Don't you start.
19:29A born-again lodger
19:30is bad enough.
19:30I don't want a husband
19:31going off to a commune
19:32full of unemployed
19:33Buddhist lesbians
19:34to help knit music.
19:36But he's right.
19:38What would we leave behind?
19:39As long as he leaves me
19:40the rent behind,
19:41I don't care.
19:42Perhaps I should
19:43get involved
19:44with a charity.
19:46Shelter or Oxfam
19:47or Help the Aged.
19:48Help the Aged?
19:49The only way
19:50you'll get involved
19:51with them
19:51is as a victim.
19:53You're sounding
19:53like students
19:54in the 60s
19:55wandering around
19:56wittering on
19:57about finding themselves
19:58when most of the time
19:59they were so stoned
20:00they couldn't even
20:00find the door.
20:01Listen to Lucretia.
20:04Ah, Mr. Sherry.
20:07Someone's come to see you.
20:08Are these your relatives
20:12or your social workers?
20:14My landlords.
20:16I'm afraid I've got
20:17some bad news.
20:19You're a terribly dull case
20:21after all.
20:21You must have been
20:22born like this.
20:24You mean there's
20:24nothing wrong with me?
20:25No.
20:26It must have been the X-ray
20:27or perhaps I forgot my glasses.
20:30Nothing wrong with my brain
20:32at all?
20:33Nothing that I can help you with.
20:36Go home.
20:37There you are, Mr. Shelley.
20:39I told you there was probably...
20:40Come on, let's see
20:42what colour
20:42our hepatitis case is today.
20:46All that
20:47and it turns out
20:48you're fine.
20:49I'm sorry
20:50to be a disappointment.
20:52Anyhow,
20:53I was knocked unconscious
20:54by a hulking great mugger.
20:56I do know
20:56what James was going on
20:57about, you know.
20:58I mean,
20:59what are we all doing?
21:00Just working
21:00and stacking money away.
21:02We are, Graham.
21:04Making certain
21:04we don't end up
21:05so horribly poor
21:06we have to
21:07go down the laundrette,
21:08catch buses,
21:10eat shopper's choice
21:11own brand baked beans.
21:13How terrible.
21:14And live a seedy
21:15hand-to-mouth existence
21:17like James does.
21:19That's good news.
21:20You've been released, I hear.
21:21Yes,
21:22back to my hand-to-mouth
21:23seedy existence.
21:25Oh,
21:26since I didn't go private,
21:27do I have to do
21:28the washing up
21:28or anything
21:29before I go?
21:30Not yet.
21:31Look,
21:32I shouldn't really
21:34be doing this on duty,
21:35but we've got this
21:35petition defending
21:36the NHS.
21:37I'll sign.
21:38Does it mention
21:39anything about pillows?
21:40Not specifically.
21:42I'm, uh,
21:43sure Carol here
21:44would love to sign.
21:46No.
21:47I believe the NHS
21:48should stand on its own feet
21:49like everything else.
21:51Have you ever thought
21:51what would happen to you
21:52if you had an accident
21:54and they didn't have time
21:55to rush you into
21:56the St Fowler Memorial Hospital
21:57for rich bastards?
22:00You'll be wheeled in here
22:02and Nurse Brown will say,
22:03oh, I remember this pair.
22:04They didn't sign my petition.
22:06I think the legs
22:07should come off.
22:09But unfortunately,
22:10we're a bit low
22:10on anaesthetic,
22:11so why don't we give,
22:12uh,
22:13a hacksaw
22:14to Shop Steward Carver
22:15and let him do it
22:15down the workshop?
22:18Thank you very much.
22:19My pleasure.
22:22I think I may have
22:23to raise the rent.
22:26A lot.
22:30James Shelley.
22:36Mr Shelley?
22:37Yes?
22:38Did I have trouble
22:39finding you?
22:40Three hospitals
22:41I had to ring.
22:43I'm the bloke
22:44who was running by
22:44when you fell over.
22:49Fell over?
22:50Yes.
22:51Fell over.
22:52He turns round
22:54to see who it is.
22:55Trips over.
22:56He's got his hands
22:57in his pocket
22:57so his head
22:58hits the pavement.
23:00Luckily,
23:01this motorist
23:01stops right away.
23:02We put you in the back
23:03and he took you
23:04off to hospital.
23:05That's when I found
23:06your wallet
23:06on the pavement.
23:09Oh.
23:12I thought he was big
23:15when he came up
23:16behind you.
23:17Same size as now.
23:20Unless I've shrunk
23:21into rain.
23:24I hope everything's
23:25there, by the way.
23:26That was only
23:26£3.50
23:27and I couldn't find
23:29any credit cards.
23:31No, no.
23:32That's all there is.
23:33So you're all right?
23:34Well, I'm about to have
23:35the mickey taken out
23:36of me mercilessly,
23:37but apart from that,
23:38fine.
23:38Oh, good.
23:40I can't stop.
23:40I'm on a training run.
23:41Good luck.
23:42Thanks.
23:43Thanks again.
23:47A hulking great mugger.
23:51Joggers look bigger
23:52in the dark.
23:53You great wet wimp.
23:56Anyway,
23:57you can say what you like.
23:59He's just hit me.
24:00I'm all right.
24:01I'll take you two
24:02for a drink.
24:03Is that a good idea?
24:05An excellent idea,
24:06I'd say.
24:06But if you were all right,
24:09you were going to
24:09change your life,
24:11be healthy,
24:11not waste time
24:12down the pub.
24:13Ah.
24:14I'm really interested
24:15in that, you see.
24:16You haven't forgotten.
24:17This bump on the head,
24:19you know,
24:20I think it must have
24:21affected my memory
24:22after all.
24:22I'm going to eat it,
24:25keep it.
24:27So—