Are you tired of being the "nice guy" who gets overlooked in relationships, business, and life? 🤔 In this powerful conversation, Brian Rose sits down with Sadia Khan to break down why "nice guys" often struggle to get ahead—and how embracing alpha traits can change everything. 💯
✅ Learn the key mindset shifts to command respect & attraction
✅ Understand the difference between being "nice" vs. being confident & assertive
✅ Discover practical strategies to elevate your presence & get better results in all areas of life
🍿Watch The Full Episode: londonreal.tv/sadia
💰 The Investment Club: londonreal.tv/club
💰Crypto & DeFi Academy: londonreal.tv/defi
✅ Learn the key mindset shifts to command respect & attraction
✅ Understand the difference between being "nice" vs. being confident & assertive
✅ Discover practical strategies to elevate your presence & get better results in all areas of life
🍿Watch The Full Episode: londonreal.tv/sadia
💰 The Investment Club: londonreal.tv/club
💰Crypto & DeFi Academy: londonreal.tv/defi
Category
✨
PeopleTranscript
00:00Unconditional love is the quickest highway to unconditional disrespect.
00:05Sadia Khan, relationship psychologist, viral content creator, and the voice of hard truths in modern love.
00:12How do you tell people to break a relationship?
00:16Just imagine your partner doesn't change at all for the rest of your life.
00:19Can you accept them for exactly who they are?
00:21If the answer is no way, you're just wasting your own time because they're not going to change.
00:25Men out there try to be the nice guy because we don't know any better.
00:29The key thing with nice men is that they lack masculinity.
00:32And without them, women cannot be sexually invested in you.
00:35They can use you and they can be your best friend, but you will lose intimacy.
00:38You become like siblings.
00:39Then you try to be the alpha, which makes you the fake alpha.
00:42The real testament of whether you're alpha or not is the women you select and the behavior you tolerate.
00:47Nothing else.
00:48There are conditions to my love because my love is good for you and you have to earn it a little bit.
00:52The moment they feel that, it brings out a better side in them.
00:55I listen to a lot of your stuff.
00:56And it's crazy wisdom because you're somehow channeling the truth.
01:00I'm actually always right.
01:01Can I just say that?
01:02I want to say that on screen.
01:03I'm always right.
01:04And if you don't agree with me, it's because you haven't lived long enough yet.
01:06I'm saying this not because I'm making it up.
01:08I'm saying it because I'm on the ground.
01:09I have an insight that I genuinely believe works.
01:12I wouldn't say this if it wasn't true.
01:14I actually would happily give this all up.
01:17The problem is nobody says the things I'm saying.
01:21So if I've said something and it triggers you, give it time.
01:23You'll see that I'm telling the truth.
01:50Well, that's why I created the London Real Investment Club, so you can access the hottest deals on the planet
01:55and use the crypto bull market to create the generational wealth that you deserve.
02:00Join my team of over 100 people from around the world that are making millions of dollars behind the scenes
02:05investing in blockchain, AI, Web3 games, DeFi, Bitcoin, and more.
02:11Don't miss out.
02:12Click the link below to book a call with one of my team now.
02:15But hurry, this bull market will end soon.
02:18I know investing crypto can be scary.
02:20That's why you gotta join the investment club.
02:22Pull the trigger. Let's do this.
02:31The world is changing.
02:35Inspiration is everywhere.
02:40It has never been so easy to connect, share, and bring people together.
02:46We're learning from others and finding the best in ourselves.
02:54Challenging our beliefs.
02:57Sharing our vulnerability.
03:01Overcoming our fears.
03:06Transforming ourselves so we can transform the world.
03:10How far can we go?
03:13This is London Real. I am Brian Rose. My guest today is...
03:26This is London Real. I am Brian Rose. My guest today is Saadia Khan,
03:30the psychologist, teacher, and relationship experts.
03:33Your background is in education and developmental psychology.
03:37Your background is in education and developmental psychology.
03:40Specializing in helping people better understand their relationships
03:43with friends, family, and most importantly, their partners.
03:46You've amassed a huge audience on social media,
03:49with many of your videos racking up millions of views.
03:52You believe that most modern relationships are fundamentally unhealthy,
03:56with people failing to recognize their own insecurities
03:59and the impact of their childhood trauma.
04:01You've said that the rise of negative role models online
04:04is creating narcissistic women, while pornography is making men
04:08incapable of connecting on both a physical and emotional level.
04:12You argue that dating culture has become transactional,
04:15with both men and women struggling to build genuine connections
04:19due to an overabundance of choice and a lack of emotional awareness.
04:23Saadia, welcome back to London Real in Dubai.
04:26Thank you. I do not sound like a bundle of joy based on that.
04:30Everything is wrong with the world, but that is exactly how I feel, unfortunately.
04:33It is.
04:34It's exactly right.
04:35You do it with a smile.
04:36I do. I'm like, oh, your life is going to be over, but with a smile.
04:39But no, this is just the current climate and the problems at the moment,
04:42but there's always solutions to all of the problems.
04:44I hope so.
04:45Because I want to address a bunch of issues.
04:47This isn't necessarily for men, but I've got questions as a man,
04:50and a lot of our viewers and listeners are men,
04:53but I think both sexes can get a lot from this.
04:56Absolutely.
04:57You have just some type of wisdom about you, Saadia.
05:00I don't know really what it is.
05:02I think it's a combination of your background
05:04and maybe a little bit of your religion and where you grew up.
05:07But maybe we jump into something super relevant,
05:10which is I'm in Dubai right now.
05:13Yes, welcome.
05:14Thank you. Thank you.
05:15I've been here two months.
05:16Last year, I spent a couple of months here.
05:18I've been coming back and forth for the last couple of years.
05:20And normally I'm in London, and I know you spend time in both cities.
05:24And yet both cities are major capitals in the world
05:28and yet very, very different from so many perspectives.
05:31And I'm assuming also from a dating and relationship perspective.
05:34Absolutely.
05:35And so let's jump in there.
05:36Absolutely.
05:37How is Dubai different than London?
05:39Well, I'd be interested in how you find it different.
05:41I would be interested in what you think is the main difference.
05:44What I found to be, when I see the markets, to be fair,
05:47certain behaviors are getting globalized
05:49because people with money in London spend a lot of time in Dubai.
05:53So certain behaviors are getting globalized.
05:55But generally speaking, the standards are totally different.
06:00So in Dubai, it's very typical for a woman to expect men to pay her rent,
06:04to expect a really nice lavish restaurant,
06:06and men to expect a 10 out of 10 supermodel.
06:09It's very high expectations on both ends.
06:12In London, it's low expectations on both ends.
06:15It's very much like everything is kind of low expectations
06:18because life in itself is not that exciting.
06:21Life is not that intriguing. It's not that exciting.
06:23So what I find the main key difference is,
06:26is why I think relationships last longer in the UK than they do in Dubai,
06:29is Dubai, there's so many alternatives to being in a relationship.
06:33There's so many other ways to stimulate your life outside of a relationship.
06:37You can run on the beach. You can go to nice restaurants.
06:39You can meet new people. Being single is really fun.
06:41You can be on a boat.
06:42If you're not in a relationship, you can still have a great life.
06:45But in London or the UK, if you're not in a relationship,
06:47most of your days get dark by the time it's 4 o'clock.
06:50You're going straight home, going to the gym, and then getting ready for work.
06:53Without a partner, it feels very, very lonely, and it feels very, like, empty.
06:57So I can see why people tend to be in more toxic relationships
07:00that they're just settling in, in London.
07:03Whereas in Dubai, they're in more fleeting relationships
07:06that kind of are a bit more, like, transient
07:08because they can replace people quite quickly and easily,
07:10and their life itself is quite stimulating,
07:12so they don't need to invest in a relationship as much.
07:14So both of them have their flaws, but for different reasons.
07:16That's really interesting.
07:18What do you find?
07:19Well, and again, like we were talking earlier about, like,
07:21just the energy levels in Dubai and London.
07:23And London, I always tell people, when I look around in Dubai,
07:26everybody is here intentionally.
07:28The woman who serves me coffee at Starbucks and the taxi driver,
07:31everybody comes here for a better life.
07:33And you could say they should be paid more or blah, blah, blah, blah,
07:35but everyone is having a better life here,
07:38and they intentionally came here.
07:40So the energy is, like, really high.
07:42Well, the energy is of gratitude as well.
07:44There's a general energy of gratitude
07:46and, like, an aura of happiness to some extent.
07:49I'm not saying I don't know the internet,
07:50but there's a general gratitude to be here.
07:52Whereas in London, I walk around and I'd say
07:54four out of five people are phoning it in.
07:57Like, they're collecting a check.
07:59They don't really want to be there.
08:00They're grinding it out.
08:01And you feel this energy of this, ugh.
08:03And also, it's a falling empire, right?
08:06Whereas maybe 200 years ago, you know, London was a rising empire.
08:11And Dubai is a rising empire.
08:13And so you've got all this excitement and anticipation of where we're going,
08:16where everybody in London pretty much has to admit
08:18that it's worse than it was 10 years ago,
08:20and 10 years from now it's going to be worse than it is now.
08:22It is.
08:23And they make themselves feel better by saying,
08:25oh, but I never want to live in Dubai.
08:26They've got slave labor.
08:27I would never want to live in Dubai.
08:28It's so shallow.
08:29But really, it's like there's slave labor.
08:31There's homelessness in London.
08:32There's so much going on.
08:33I think I feel like a slave in London.
08:35I feel like I work and 40% goes to the government.
08:38I feel like a slave here.
08:39As soon as I land, I feel like five pounds to park here,
08:42five pounds to breathe here.
08:43Whereas I land in Dubai and it's like, oh, you're a tourist?
08:46Here's a SIM card.
08:47Or, oh, welcome.
08:48Here's this.
08:49Here's that.
08:50There's a general hospitality as soon as you land in the Middle East
08:52that you'll never find in Western cultures,
08:54and in particular in London.
08:55There's a lack of hospitality because there is no abundance, unfortunately.
08:59The government takes everything from you.
09:00So I can see why people are like that.
09:02I can understand because I've been there myself.
09:04I've been there totally myself,
09:05and now shifting to a more hospitable environment,
09:07I couldn't be more lucky.
09:09Damn, Sadia, you're even wiser than I thought.
09:11No.
09:12It's true, though.
09:13You're right.
09:14Because when you land in London, it feels oppressing.
09:15And if you think about it, they're taking 40% of your income
09:17and they're delivering you dirty tube stops in an NHS
09:20where you can't get an appointment,
09:22and homelessness everywhere, and bad police.
09:25And I still can't accept things like ULESS
09:27and things like these kind of charges where I'm just like…
09:29Extra taxes.
09:30And old cars have to pay to go drive around.
09:33But it's like they're already obviously poorer
09:35because they're driving their old cars,
09:37and you're taxing them for driving there.
09:38And these poor people, no wonder they're hostile.
09:41I can completely understand it.
09:43So that's why I've got a bit of resentment towards London,
09:46only because I was told my whole life this is the best city in the world.
09:49Best city, best city, best city.
09:50So I was like, okay, I'm in the best city.
09:52But why don't I feel it?
09:53And then when you move abroad,
09:54you realize that anywhere with good weather is better for me personally.
09:58No, I think you have a good point.
09:59And I think your assessment of maybe men and women are probably correct.
10:03I would say women in London traditionally have not had to maybe
10:08go out of their way as much when it comes to looks
10:12as maybe their equivalents in New York City or LA.
10:14I don't know why that is.
10:16I would say, yeah, here, like you said, there's a lot of pretty girls.
10:21There's a lot of successful men,
10:23or at least people who at least pretend to be successful.
10:26Maybe that's a good effort.
10:28It's like if you're a woman, you can at least pretend to be good looking too.
10:32The effort is appreciated.
10:34When I go to events, people really dress up.
10:36They go out of their way.
10:38The women put on makeup.
10:39The men dress up.
10:41Getting a man to dress up in London is a very hard thing to do.
10:44Everyone makes an effort.
10:46It's always surprising.
10:48It's noticeable to me.
10:49In London, I would hang out in places where people would normally dress up,
10:52and I still notice it here.
10:53I always felt overdressed in London.
10:55People almost make you feel bad for being well-dressed.
10:58They're always like, oh, where are you going?
10:59Why are you always in heels?
11:00It's almost like they don't want you to be your best potential.
11:03Even sometimes online, they're like, oh, take your makeup off.
11:06Because they're so used to being a lower level of themselves.
11:09Whereas when you go to, it's not for everybody.
11:11This is why I think if you meet girls who hate Dubai,
11:14chances are it's girls that feel intimidated by the level of beauty standards here.
11:18Similarly, if you meet men that hate Dubai,
11:20it will be they're intimidated by the financial standards of the men here.
11:23It's usually people who are intimidated.
11:25As a result, they'll say, oh, I don't like it.
11:27I don't like it.
11:28They'll say, oh, it's shallow, shallow, shallow.
11:29Really, you can meet very like-minded people.
11:31It's just that those like-minded people still live an elevated life.
11:34It's very competitive.
11:36Those people that I always find that said, oh, I hate it.
11:39It's so shallow.
11:40No, not me.
11:41It's people who literally couldn't compete in those two areas, looks or money.
11:44They kind of filter themselves out.
11:46That's interesting.
11:47I was just talking with a guest earlier about money.
11:50What's interesting about this city is that since there's so much money,
11:54I feel like people are looking at what you have besides money.
11:58I would say to a man who might feel intimidated of being here is that
12:02actually your character and your work and your reputation and your vision
12:06is maybe more important here than it is in London
12:09because here, like I said, there is a lot of money around,
12:12so that doesn't delineate you.
12:13And same, there's a lot of beauty.
12:15So those things alone aren't actually enough.
12:18It's nice because if that's all you have, beauty as a girl,
12:22you'll come to Dubai and be like, every girl is beautiful.
12:24Now I've got to actually be a nice person.
12:26And same thing with men.
12:27It's like if I only have money, it's like every man has a lot of money here.
12:30So it actually forces you to work on your networking skills,
12:33your independent skills, like just other skills if you want to.
12:35There is a really, really, really shallow side to it.
12:37There's a super, super shallow side to Dubai,
12:39which I completely understand.
12:40But if you ignore that part and just take the high standards of living,
12:44there's nowhere better.
12:45It's so counterintuitive.
12:46Yeah.
12:47That a place that from the outside looks like the ultimate in bling
12:50and the ultimate shallow place actually has a lot more depth going on.
12:56I find it really deep.
12:57I've found so many great connections out here.
12:59I love the Islamic kind of culture as well here.
13:01I know it's kind of disappearing a bit with the influx,
13:04but I generally find like for me,
13:06it's a city that suits my personality really, really well.
13:08Does it suit yours?
13:09Yes.
13:10Yeah.
13:11It's not for everybody, but it definitely suits my personality to a T.
13:14I couldn't be happier.
13:15And I feel lucky all the time that I live here.
13:17And I'm always worried like if they ever make me live somewhere else,
13:20I don't know where I go.
13:21I can't even go on holiday in peace because I'm comparing everything to Dubai.
13:24I'm like Dubai would never do this.
13:25Dubai would never do that.
13:26So the safety that everything I know I could go on,
13:28I don't want to bore your viewers.
13:30But it really is an incredible, incredible city.
13:32And as other countries,
13:33you can learn a lot from its hospitality if you want to compete with it.
13:36Yeah, very much so.
13:37I just took my boys to Kenya for the week for safari,
13:40and I got to really see a country in Africa and how they live.
13:44And a lot of those people come here to work.
13:47And so you really see a contrast of what they can get at home
13:50versus what they could get here or build here.
13:52And it's just an amazing jewel kind of in the Middle East.
13:55We're very lucky.
13:56I feel lucky to be here too.
13:57Yeah, we're very, very lucky.
13:58All right.
13:59But let's talk about relationships.
14:00Yes.
14:01I'm guessing both London and Dubai.
14:03Yes.
14:04And you talked a little bit about these interesting standards.
14:06And I think you're right.
14:07I mean, there are so many options here
14:09that maybe you don't have to have that significant other.
14:11Whereas in the UK, in your life of toil and darkness,
14:16you need somebody to hold on to at the end of the day just to make it through.
14:19Yeah.
14:20Sometimes I'd have clients come to me,
14:22and there'd been these awful, awful toxic relationships.
14:25They don't even like each other.
14:26They genuinely hate each other.
14:28They're not even attracted to each other.
14:29They have nothing in common.
14:30And they're fighting to make it work.
14:32They won't let go of each other.
14:34And I would always have this kind of, like, but why?
14:36I couldn't understand why.
14:37But when I go to London in, like, December, November,
14:40and I look outside the window, and it's raining, it's miserable,
14:43I'm like, I completely get it.
14:45I completely get it.
14:46If you don't have friends and family, even if you do,
14:48you don't even visit them that much.
14:49So if you're home by yourself, and it's dark and miserable,
14:52it's almost better to choose the comfort of the chaos than do this.
14:56Otherwise, it's just isolation.
14:58So then I had a complete understanding of why they stay
15:01in these really unfulfilling relationships.
15:04So I think it helps because then I become less judgmental
15:06because I normally would be like, but you can leave.
15:09Like, you can be in a healthy scenario.
15:10But the alternatives are so minimal in certain cultures
15:13and certain environments that I can understand why people stay.
15:16Okay.
15:17And so people are looking at that dark day and that rain coming out,
15:20and they're in a relationship that they don't really want to be in.
15:23How do you tell people to break a relationship?
15:27And do you have to say to them, look,
15:29there is a way to get into the next relationship?
15:32Because I'm guessing a lot of people,
15:33especially if they've been in marriages for 10 or 20 years,
15:35they think, I'm never going to find someone else.
15:37I don't want to go on a dating app.
15:39Of course.
15:40How do you walk people through that?
15:41Well, here's what I say to them.
15:42Just imagine your partner doesn't change at all for the rest of your life.
15:46Nothing changes.
15:47They're exactly how you met them today.
15:49And then say to yourself, can I accept them for who they are
15:52rather than begging them to change?
15:54The moment you ask yourself that question, can I accept them?
15:56Because they're not going to change.
15:57Majority of people, even if you look at your own parents,
15:59I know my parents my whole life.
16:01They haven't changed drastically.
16:03They're relatively the same people, which I'm glad.
16:05I'm happy that they are.
16:06But in terms of their marriage, they haven't changed much.
16:08So people don't change.
16:09And they think, well, what if they go to therapy?
16:11What if they watch a bunch of your podcasts or whatever?
16:13But generally, really, they'll only change if they meet somebody else
16:17who has a different set of standards.
16:19Now, what I mean by that is if I'm constantly cheating on my husband,
16:22I'm disrespecting him, this, that, and the other,
16:23chances are I'll never change with my husband
16:25because he's tolerated that.
16:27But if I choose another man who's got higher standards,
16:29maybe I'll change.
16:30But with the same person,
16:31it's like starting to work really hard at your job
16:33when really you're already the CEO
16:35and you've already been promoted 100 times.
16:38Why would you change?
16:39But in a new company, you have to show your levels.
16:42So that's why I would say in this relationship,
16:44can you accept them for exactly who they are?
16:46If the answer is no way, then I say stop expecting change.
16:50And then you have to leave.
16:52You're just wasting your own time.
16:53But if you can accept who they are,
16:55then just accept and stop nagging at them
16:57about the things that you don't like.
16:58But radical acceptance will help them realize
17:00whether or not they can actually put up with this
17:02for the rest of their life.
17:03Okay, all right, got it.
17:04Questions about the alpha male versus the nice guy
17:09versus the fake alpha male.
17:11Oh, the fake alpha males, the ones with podcasts
17:13and telling everybody how alpha they are,
17:15they're the ones.
17:16But the problem with men out there is that I'd say by default,
17:20most of us try to be the nice guy
17:22because we don't know any better.
17:24And our moms probably taught us to be the nice guy.
17:26And we get nervous around the women that are good looking.
17:29And we just want to be nice,
17:31even though that's probably the worst thing to do.
17:33And so the next step of that is if you learn some game,
17:37then you try to be the alpha, which makes you the fake alpha.
17:40And then over time, as you improve yourself
17:43and become more of a man, maybe you turn into an alpha.
17:47So how do people negotiate that madness?
17:51Well, here's where it starts from.
17:52And this is where it's so common in the world that we see it today.
17:56In previous generations, men had very, very strict fathers
17:59that were quite aggressive and hostile and stuff.
18:01And they just accepted that as a norm.
18:03Now the generation of men realize that that was,
18:06or they think that was wrong, right?
18:07So they had that strict stern father, they hated that.
18:10Whereas previous generations has accepted that's how men come.
18:12And this is the first time we've got men that hate their fathers
18:15raising children.
18:16So what ends up happening is they think,
18:18I want to be nothing like my dad.
18:19My dad was so hostile.
18:20He was so aggressive.
18:21I just want to like, I want to be like as nice,
18:23because I saw how mean he was to my mom.
18:25They kind of have that mentality because they saw those kind of relationships
18:28where the man was the boss and the woman was kind of a bit more submissive.
18:31And they're like, that's wrong, because that's what they've been taught.
18:33That's wrong.
18:34So they were like, I want to be so nice.
18:35I want to be the opposite of my dad is a mantra of every nice guy.
18:38My dad taught me everything not to be.
18:40So they follow the instructions of their mothers.
18:42What do mothers teach you?
18:44Don't argue.
18:45Don't stand up for yourself.
18:46Just listen.
18:47Just be obedient.
18:48Just listen to me and feel sorry for me.
18:50That's what mothers teach their kids.
18:51Feel sorry for me.
18:52So they go into the real world, and when they're engaging with women,
18:55they're like, I want to be nothing like my dad.
18:56My dad always set boundaries.
18:58My dad was a bit stern.
18:59My dad was a bit hostile.
19:00I want to be just nice, because mom says that's what works.
19:02Be nice.
19:03In the process of doing that, they emasculate themselves.
19:06So what they'll do is they think that the way to a woman's heart
19:09is by listening and submitting.
19:11They don't realize the way to her heart is showing her who you are
19:15and taking her into your world.
19:16They think, let me just adapt myself into her world.
19:19Let me go to the hairdressers with her.
19:21Let me go shop for lingerie with her.
19:23Let me just wait and carry her bags.
19:24Then she'll love me.
19:25But really, she wants to see what you are, who you are.
19:29She wants to follow your lead.
19:30So in the beginning stages, she might reward that.
19:32She might think, oh, it's great that you just answer the calls every day
19:35and you stay on FaceTime while I do my makeup
19:37and you just pick me up any time and you just carry my bags
19:40and you cancel your plans just to kind of watch me get my hair done.
19:43Later, she will miss the fact that you don't have an identity
19:47and she'll miss the fact that you don't have that masculinity
19:49and she'll start to get more and more disrespectful.
19:52So it doesn't work being submissive to women.
19:54I'm not saying being hostile and being mean works,
19:57but what works really well is knowing your own identity
20:00and taking her into your world.
20:03How do you get out of a rat race?
20:04How do you create wealth not only for yourself
20:06but also for the generations to come after?
20:09I am absolutely amazed with the quality of companies
20:12that we're getting exposure to.
20:13We go on to Zoom calls with the innovators and the folks who are building
20:17new applications in metaverse, blockchain, artificial intelligence,
20:22decentralized finance.
20:23What's going on, everybody? Thumbs up if you can see me.
20:26We are focusing on early stage investment.
20:31And the quality of people that we're getting exposure to,
20:33whether it be Dan Tapiero with OneRT, Jason Ma from Open,
20:37Ayatsu from Animoca.
20:38It's been a phenomenal experience thus far.
20:40It has far exceeded my expectations.
20:43We are focusing on cutting edge technologies.
20:47I view it now as the best investment I have ever made.
20:50The upside, I view, is unlimited.
20:53And as a retail investor, I would never get this exposure
20:56anywhere else outside of Investment Club.
20:59See you in the Investment Club.
21:02But your world is one that is positive.
21:03It's not one that's harsh, critical, mean,
21:05or it's not this hostile kind of alpha male.
21:07It's a wonderful world.
21:09But she's welcome to it.
21:10But you're not going to contort your identity to impress her.
21:13Instead, it's just, I've got an impressive life.
21:15You can join me.
21:16But it's not I'm going to drop everything and submit to you
21:19because you're so beautiful.
21:20And it's keeping that identity men find really difficult
21:22in this generation.
21:23And I don't blame them, by the way.
21:25Because so many times I'm like, well, just tell her that.
21:27This is unacceptable.
21:28Just tell her that.
21:29Why should you accept that she, you know,
21:30keeps posting horrible pictures on Instagram.
21:32Well, not horrible, but like really, you know,
21:34pictures on Instagram and keeps talking to her ex.
21:36Why don't you just tell her?
21:37And he's like, but in America, if you do that,
21:39no woman will ever accept you.
21:40She'll say you're toxic.
21:41She'll tell all her friends that you're toxic.
21:43Literally no woman accepts masculinity.
21:45I've got no choice.
21:46And I thought they were exaggerating.
21:47But after I worked with a couple, I realized that they don't
21:50actually allow him to even have boundaries.
21:52He'll have no chance with women.
21:53So is that true or is it just what they're telling me?
21:56I mean, that can't be true.
21:57That can't be true.
21:58It can't be true because, you know, there are men like that.
22:01Now, you know, in America is a whole other version.
22:04Maybe America is in an even more extreme version of London.
22:07And it's changing now a little bit, but it went very far,
22:10you know, wokeness and all the weirdness.
22:12But maybe they'll say that they don't want that.
22:15But deep down inside,
22:16they want someone with boundaries and structure.
22:18And I know that based on how many women complain about
22:21how narcissistic their exes were.
22:23If they all liked nice, sweet guys,
22:26why is every woman talking about narcissistic exes?
22:28They're obviously dating men that are more narcissistic
22:31or men with some kind of boundaries or men with the ability
22:33to leave or have alternatives.
22:35So they're flocking to narcissistic men,
22:37and they're almost waiting for the narcissist to leave them
22:40and then complain about him and then post about him
22:42and then say how horrible he is.
22:43So they obviously do have an inclination towards men.
22:46And I think this is what's happened is because these men
22:48have either come in two forms in America or in Western world,
22:51they either come too nice or too narcissistic.
22:53They haven't found the balance.
22:54And if they got a choice between a nice guy and a narcissist,
22:57they'll choose a narcissist all day, every day,
22:59a hundred times over than the nice guy.
23:01And they don't admit that, but that's what they will choose.
23:03This narcissist term, I have a real problem with.
23:05Me too.
23:06I just don't like it because it usually means someone
23:09that just you don't like or something bad went wrong with them.
23:12It's like there's that famous phrase,
23:13an alcoholic is someone who drinks as much as you do
23:16that you don't like.
23:17No, literally.
23:18And so it feels like that term is just thrown out
23:20for something that went wrong.
23:22But like, I don't even trust anyone that says that word anymore
23:24because it feels like you're just projecting all the blame
23:26on someone else.
23:27You know what? It was so interesting.
23:28I have clients all the time, therapy clients.
23:30As soon as they say, my ex is a narcissist,
23:33I know they're the narcissist.
23:34I know instantly that they're the narcissist,
23:36but they've just got a different form of narcissism.
23:38Their form of narcissism is becoming an excessive victim.
23:41So they'll say, he was a narcissist.
23:43Why was he a narcissist?
23:44Well, he used to cheat on me all the time.
23:45And then I used to catch him.
23:46And then I used to, you know, I still wanted to,
23:48I then got pregnant.
23:49I didn't tell him I was pregnant.
23:50And then I canceled the pregnancy.
23:51And it's like, but he showed you everything.
23:54You still wanted to be with him.
23:55You still wanted to marry him.
23:56You still thought he was going to change.
23:57And now he's a narcissist because he won't change,
23:59even though he showed you everything.
24:00You like being a victim.
24:02You enjoy it.
24:03You like saying breadcrumbing.
24:04You know, he was then doing, you know, these buzzwords.
24:07What is breadcrumbing?
24:08A narcissist keyword.
24:10It just means giving girls a little bit of attention,
24:12but not full attention, so to keep her.
24:14So maybe he'll ghost her for a week
24:15and then give her a message.
24:16And she'll be like, oh, look, he's breadcrumbing me.
24:18But you're the idiot for responding.
24:20Right, exactly.
24:21Take some ownership.
24:22Take some ownership.
24:23Like no one can breadcrumb somebody
24:24who doesn't accept crumbs.
24:26It's only for those people who are begging for crumbs
24:28that accept breadcrumbing.
24:29But they don't want that conversation.
24:31They like to create this, oh,
24:32but what if he's a covert narcissist?
24:34Or what if he's an over?
24:35This terminology is so embarrassing to hear adults
24:38describe other adults as narcissists
24:40rather than just saying, you know what?
24:41At that time, I just had low self-esteem.
24:43I just accept anything at that time.
24:44I was an idiot.
24:45Or at that time, I was a super lonely.
24:47And we've all been there.
24:48At that time, I was super lonely.
24:49I just accepted it.
24:50And it was my own fault.
24:51I knew he was full of shit.
24:52And I knew he used to do this before.
24:53And he told me he cheated on an ex as well.
24:55My own fault.
24:56What can you do?
24:57That's self-awareness.
24:58But narcissism and blah, blah, blah is so childish.
25:01And to see that people have created
25:03a whole army of followers online
25:05simply by using that term is insane.
25:08Insane to me.
25:09But what can you do?
25:10Yeah, I used to have a red flag
25:11when I'd interview people.
25:12And someone would say,
25:13oh, I got screwed over by this person.
25:15Or I got messed out of a business deal.
25:17And that was always a red flag.
25:18Always.
25:19Because it's like, really?
25:20You're not going to take some ownership over that?
25:22Every time I've lost money, it's been my fault.
25:24Because either I chose,
25:25yes, of course, people can scam
25:26and this, that, and the other.
25:27But me, I was stupid at that point.
25:28I'm 100% I was stupid.
25:29Or even if I've been hurt by somebody,
25:31it's something in me.
25:32But I also don't think there's anything wrong
25:34in getting things wrong in life.
25:35It's okay to accept that.
25:36At that time that I was dating a narcissist,
25:38maybe I was a bit overweight.
25:39I didn't really like how I looked.
25:40So I accepted a bit of attention
25:41from somebody who was wrong for me.
25:43Or maybe at that time I was out of a job.
25:45I didn't really like my life.
25:46So I just needed some company.
25:47And I accepted this terrible person.
25:49No problem.
25:50But to blame it entirely on them
25:51and not on your engaging with that kind of behavior
25:54is so childish.
25:55Okay.
25:56So we don't want to be the nice guy.
25:57Yes.
25:58Because sooner or later,
25:59she's not going to respect you.
26:00And that comes from deep, deep down,
26:02physical level, subconscious level.
26:04She ultimately is looking for someone
26:06who can protect.
26:07She will desexualize you.
26:08That's the key.
26:09Yeah, that's the key.
26:10You can be as nice as possible.
26:11But if you, if you become the nice guy,
26:13you get desexualized.
26:14The key thing with nice men
26:16is not that they're too nice,
26:17is that they lack masculinity.
26:19And without that masculinity,
26:20women cannot be sexually invested in you.
26:22They can use you
26:23and they can be your best friend
26:24and they can be your girlfriend,
26:25but you will lose intimacy.
26:27Which means no relationship eventually.
26:29You're just flatmates.
26:30There has to be something sexual there.
26:31Otherwise, there isn't a relationship.
26:32They go hand in hand.
26:33They go hand in hand.
26:34Otherwise, you become like siblings.
26:35The key thing is
26:36when you remove intimacy from a relationship,
26:38you live like siblings.
26:39And what I mean by that is
26:40with your siblings,
26:41you love them
26:42because you're supposed to love them,
26:43but you actually hate them.
26:44Like you'll fight over a remote
26:46where you start beating them up
26:47or they're the only people
26:48if they eat your sandwich,
26:49you'll want to punch them.
26:50Like we don't get physical with our colleagues
26:51if they eat our sandwich.
26:52Siblings, we hate them
26:53because they're so intimately close to us,
26:54but there's no actual attraction or affection.
26:57Nobody really kisses and hugs their siblings.
26:59They do with their nieces
27:00and kind of like a family, but not...
27:02Now, this is what couples turn into
27:04when there's no intimacy.
27:06You're stuck with this person for life.
27:07They're in your space all day, every day.
27:09They help themselves to everything you own,
27:11but you're not actually intimate in any way,
27:13so they're a nuisance.
27:14And that's what siblings...
27:15You get a sibling-type relationship.
27:17So small things turn into big fights
27:18when it comes to siblings.
27:19The same thing with couples
27:20that are not sleeping together.
27:21I'll have a couple on the call
27:22and the way they fight over just maybe
27:24the volume of the thing.
27:26And it's like,
27:27you put the volume too loud on the Zoom call.
27:29I'm like, you two don't sleep together, do you?
27:31Because this is only how siblings fight.
27:33And the other thing to siblings
27:34is couples that don't sleep with each other
27:35that do this.
27:36So it's the desexualizing
27:38is really, really important.
27:39If you get desexualized in your relationship,
27:41you turn into a sister to a woman.
27:43Wow.
27:44You've just explained why
27:45I don't like my brother and sister.
27:47They're so annoying.
27:48That's so weird.
27:49I've never heard anyone explain that.
27:51Because you're stuck with them.
27:52Wow.
27:53You're stuck with them for life.
27:54It's like love without the intimacy.
27:55Without affection.
27:56With your parents,
27:57you still kiss them, hug them.
27:58You tell them you love them all the time.
27:59True.
28:00Nieces and nephews,
28:01you could snuggle them all day.
28:02It's amazing.
28:03Children too.
28:04They're amazing.
28:05But with siblings,
28:06you have all of this stuck together,
28:07all the intimacy,
28:08but none of the affection.
28:09So you end up hating each other.
28:10It's so weird.
28:11I just thought I was a terrible person.
28:12That's all right.
28:13Terrible brother.
28:14No, no.
28:15It's just natural.
28:16It's so supernatural.
28:17Okay, wow.
28:18Now, you said something earlier
28:19that if you're raised by the mother
28:20and you reject the father,
28:21then you go with all these kind of,
28:22I don't know,
28:23feminine energy traits.
28:24The other thing,
28:25I saw you on a show one time
28:26talking about the single mother raising you
28:29and how that's super dangerous
28:30because oftentimes her narrative will be,
28:33oh, your father did this
28:35and this and this and this,
28:36and she even sucks more
28:38of the potential masculinity out of a man.
28:40Absolutely.
28:41Can you talk about that?
28:42Because these days,
28:43it's super high.
28:44It's like 60% of all men
28:45are raised without father figures.
28:47There's nothing more,
28:48single-handedly more damaging
28:49to children's mental health
28:51than being raised by a single mother.
28:52And I have to say that out loud,
28:54honestly,
28:55and I would say this
28:56even if I became a single mother.
28:57You must get so much hate by saying that.
28:58I could care less.
28:59That's why I love you.
29:00I might become a single mother.
29:02I'm not saying this as like,
29:03oh, I'm holier than thou.
29:04But we're supposed to cherish
29:05the single mothers
29:06for doing the impossible job.
29:07And you know,
29:08in America,
29:09if you're a victim,
29:10you're always right.
29:11Yeah, that's it.
29:12The moment you make a mistake,
29:13that means you're right.
29:14Isn't it crazy
29:15how the woke culture
29:16seeps into our relationships
29:17and then causes men and women
29:18to not even like each other?
29:19Horribly.
29:20When it starts off
29:21as a victim narrative,
29:22it actually affects our romance
29:23and then even our procreation.
29:24And the way they damage
29:25their children
29:26with zero guilt.
29:28And what I mean by this
29:29is so many moms come to me
29:31and they're like,
29:32oh, I don't allow access
29:33to the dad
29:34because he's a danger.
29:35Why is he a danger?
29:36Well,
29:37even if sometimes
29:38he is a danger,
29:39no problem.
29:40I do agree that sometimes
29:41a man is a danger.
29:42Maybe there's been
29:43some physical abuse
29:44or anything like that.
29:45I completely understand.
29:46But I can guarantee
29:47he hit you
29:48before you had children.
29:49Your judgment
29:50made you go
29:51and then have children
29:52with a man that's aggressive.
29:53Who's to say
29:54that you might not pick
29:55a stepfather who's aggressive
29:56or who might even
29:57hit the children?
29:58Your poor judgment
29:59is then leaving
30:00your children now
30:01without access to their father
30:02but with a woman
30:03that chooses badly.
30:04What is the biggest cause
30:05of children and child abuse?
30:06Stepfathers.
30:07What does that tell you
30:08about who's the danger
30:09to children?
30:10It's single mothers.
30:11It's single mothers
30:12that are the danger
30:13to children
30:14more than anything else
30:15because it's a reflection
30:16of what the mother
30:17is choosing to put
30:18around the children.
30:19There are plenty
30:20of evil men
30:21in the world.
30:22I completely understand.
30:23But as a parent
30:24it's only my responsibility
30:25to protect my kids.
30:26It's only your responsibility
30:27to protect your kids.
30:28I don't care
30:29about other people's kids.
30:30You don't care about my kids.
30:31This is just life.
30:32So it's my job
30:33to protect them.
30:34So if children
30:35are being harmed
30:36by stepfathers
30:37or stepmothers
30:38it's the biological
30:39parents' fault.
30:40Entirely the biological
30:41parents' fault.
30:42And we know that
30:43there's so many women
30:44in the world
30:45who are being harmed
30:46by stepfathers
30:47because he was an alcoholic.
30:48He was this.
30:49He was that.
30:50He was that.
30:51But you chose him.
30:52So your selection
30:53is still the problem.
30:54Now we've got these children
30:55without biological fathers
30:56being exposed
30:57to more men
30:58of that woman's standard.
30:59More men of that woman's taste.
31:00Her taste is broken.
31:01And the worst thing is
31:02every time a man
31:03comes to me
31:04and he's broken
31:05by his wife
31:06he is being alienated
31:07from his children.
31:08He can't access his children.
31:09I'll say to him
31:10what was your relationship
31:11with your father?
31:12Oh my father
31:13was a great man.
31:14My dad
31:15he was a piece of shit.
31:16Blah, blah, blah.
31:17Then we always learn
31:18and we dig deeper.
31:19We realize mum
31:20alienated the father
31:21and hated the father
31:22and then what happens
31:23is he ends up selecting
31:24women that alienate fathers.
31:25They think it's normal
31:26to hate your dad.
31:27They create a culture
31:28in their own home
31:29where dads aren't respected
31:30because mum hated her dad.
31:31He hated his dad.
31:32And then they just create
31:33children who have no respect
31:34for fathers.
31:35And then when they're
31:36alienated they're shocked.
31:37So when the men
31:38have been alienated
31:39from their fathers
31:40usually through their
31:41mum's brainwashing
31:43because they feel sympathy.
31:44They're like yeah
31:45my dad did that too.
31:46They bond over this stupid
31:47kind of bonding
31:48technique.
31:49My dad was a narcissist too.
31:50High five.
31:51Let's get married.
31:52What do you think
31:53is going to happen?
31:54She is going to do
31:55the exact same thing
31:56because that's what happens.
31:57You recreate it.
31:58And then you'll ignore
31:59all the red flags
32:00that she missed her dad's funeral.
32:01She never let her go.
32:02She never spoke to her dad.
32:03They train the children
32:04to do the same thing.
32:05So they create a cycle
32:06of parental alienation
32:07that the men sign up for
32:08when they don't realize
32:09their mum has done
32:10the same to them.
32:12So we have to break it.
32:13That's heavy.
32:14It's so heavy isn't it?
32:15It's so heavy.
32:16And you've talked before
32:17about women
32:19that you're dating
32:20not the woman
32:21but you're dating
32:22her childhood trauma.
32:23Absolutely.
32:24And I mean I think about
32:25some of my relationships
32:26in the past
32:27and you hit that nail
32:28on the head.
32:29You're never dating her.
32:30And I was like no
32:31I'm going to shower her
32:32with love
32:33and understanding
32:34and I'm going to fix her
32:35and we're going to go
32:36on this beautiful
32:37thing together.
32:38And it never works.
32:39Never.
32:40And how many men
32:41are lost in that delusion
32:42or even seek out
32:43the broken women
32:44to fix.
32:45The fixing.
32:46And they enjoy it
32:47because it gives them purpose.
32:48And the main reason
32:49why they like it
32:50the men that do this
32:51they had a single mother
32:52that played victim.
32:53And they come from a home
32:54even if she's not single
32:55but a woman
32:56that played victim
32:57in their home.
32:58She always had to protect her.
32:59Felt like a saviour.
33:00Felt like a hero
33:01because she would always
33:02rely on him to protect her.
33:03And then what he would do
33:04is be like
33:05who do I find to fix?
33:06Because that's how
33:07love should look.
33:08It should look like
33:09this is how women love you.
33:10That's how women abuse you.
33:11But he would say
33:12okay who do I need to fix?
33:13Oh you've got an abusive dad.
33:14Oh you've got an alcoholic parent.
33:15Oh you grew up with
33:16like child abuse.
33:17Okay perfect.
33:18I'm going to show you
33:19how amazing I am
33:20and you're going to fall madly
33:21in love with me.
33:22It never works that way.
33:23And the reason
33:24it never works that way
33:25and it's one of the reasons
33:26why I'm Muslim
33:27rather than Christian
33:28is this concept
33:29of unconditional love
33:30leads to unconditional disrespect.
33:31But people don't realize that.
33:32They think unconditional love
33:34makes you grow,
33:36flourish,
33:37you self-actualize.
33:38Never.
33:39That's not how,
33:40what happens.
33:41When you give animals,
33:42dogs,
33:43children,
33:44women,
33:45men unconditional love
33:46they'll give you
33:47unconditional disrespect.
33:48And what I mean by that
33:49is we only respect
33:51and become a respectful
33:52version of ourselves
33:53when there's rules
33:54and regulations
33:55around our behavior
33:56and if we don't
33:57behave that way
33:58we're out the door.
33:59If you go to a work environment
34:00and you can do
34:01whatever you want,
34:02wear whatever you want,
34:03come wherever,
34:04are you really going to excel?
34:05You're going to be
34:06in your worst behavior.
34:07I used to be a teacher
34:0810 years in London
34:09and I went into teaching
34:10thinking I'm going to be
34:11the nicest,
34:12kindest teacher in the world.
34:13I'm going to be nothing
34:14like these horrible,
34:15mean teachers.
34:16Because I was super young
34:17as well so I was like
34:18oh I'm going to be
34:19that loving teacher.
34:20They turn on you
34:21immediately because
34:22they want regulations.
34:23Human beings,
34:24partners are exactly the same.
34:25Unconditional love
34:26is the quickest highway
34:27to unconditional disrespect.
34:28What unconditional love
34:29suggests to the person
34:30is you can treat me
34:31however you want,
34:32you can act as brazen
34:33as you want,
34:34you can disrespect me
34:35as much and I'll still
34:36be here.
34:37How can we respect
34:38somebody without a skeleton,
34:39without something
34:40actually holding them
34:41up together because
34:42we're like okay then
34:43I'm just going to
34:44go sleep around
34:45and I'll come back
34:46to you in five years
34:47or I'm going to go
34:48use your money
34:49and I'll come back
34:50to you in a couple of years.
34:51I don't have a fear
34:52you're going anywhere.
34:53There's no deal breakers
34:54in you but the person
34:55that says I love you,
34:56you'll have a great
34:57life with me but I'm
34:58not going to tolerate
34:59this behavior.
35:00There are conditions
35:01to my love because
35:02my love is good for you
35:03and you have to earn
35:04it a little bit.
35:05The moment they feel
35:06like look I only have
35:07a nephew,
35:08I don't have a parent.
35:09I love my nephew
35:10absolutely to death.
35:11This is the closest
35:12to unconditional love
35:13I've got.
35:14I would hope that I
35:15wouldn't be that parent
35:16that's like oh you
35:17shut up for school,
35:18don't worry I still
35:19love you.
35:20I'd be like what's
35:21going on here?
35:22There are risk factors
35:23and this unconditional
35:24love I just think is
35:25so damaging to children,
35:26women, men,
35:27everybody it's damaging.
35:28That's a Christian
35:29concept,
35:30turn the other cheek.
35:31That's why I would
35:32never be Christian,
35:33never.
35:34I know that sounds
35:36I want rules
35:37and regulations.
35:38My favorite thing
35:39about being a Muslim
35:40woman is haram
35:41and halal.
35:42I love knowing that.
35:43That's haram,
35:44no bacon,
35:45no problem.
35:46You know I know
35:47there's alcohol,
35:48you're not allowed
35:49to touch it.
35:50There's no like oh
35:51you can sip it,
35:52no no you're not
35:53allowed to touch it.
35:54There's zero sum
35:55game with that,
35:56no.
35:57Because I'm such
35:58a regulated person,
35:59I need that.
36:00If you give me a
36:01grey area,
36:02I will just ruin myself.
36:03It's the same with my food.
36:0472 and 72,
36:05I'm going 72.
36:06I'm going all the way
36:07to the end
36:08because I don't like grey.
36:09I don't bring out
36:10the best in me.
36:11So that's why I like
36:12conditions because
36:13through conditions
36:14I gain self-respect
36:15and I know how to
36:16regulate my food.
36:17And that's why
36:18socialism doesn't work
36:19and capitalism works
36:20because humans
36:21ultimately need
36:22accountability.
36:23As a parent though,
36:24can I ask is it better
36:25to be totally
36:26unconditioned or to
36:27have rules and regulations?
36:28What would you say?
36:29I was having a flashback
36:30to a conversation I had
36:31with a doctor many years
36:32ago in London Real Studios
36:33and he was a really
36:34accomplished guy.
36:35He said I'll never
36:36ever tell my sons
36:37that I'm disappointed
36:38in them.
36:39That's like my rule.
36:40And I was thinking
36:41but what if they really
36:42screw up?
36:43What if they're a piece
36:44of shit?
36:45I'm like what if they
36:46screw up?
36:47I think they need to
36:48know that.
36:49And I was surprised
36:50by that.
36:51And maybe that was
36:52an Americanism thing.
36:53No, it's an Americanism
36:54thing because look,
36:55one of the things
36:56my husband always
36:57comments on is like
36:58how come you're still
36:59scared of your dad?
37:00Like how come you're
37:01still worried about
37:02your dad?
37:03Why are you scared
37:04of your dad?
37:05And I said because
37:06I always know that
37:07at some point he
37:08could lose attachment
37:09to me if I take it
37:10too far.
37:11I've never taken it
37:12too far.
37:13But he's not the type
37:14of dad that's like
37:15you're an alcoholic,
37:16you're drunk,
37:17you're sleeping around
37:18and getting pregnant
37:19by lots of men.
37:20It doesn't matter.
37:21You've still got a
37:22safe place here.
37:23He's like no, no,
37:24that doesn't work
37:25in Mr. Khan's world.
37:26And growing up with
37:27that meant I didn't
37:28go anywhere near it.
37:29I live in a different
37:30country to him.
37:31I only get one
37:32shot with dad.
37:33With mums, yes.
37:34My mum, I honestly
37:35believe if there's
37:36anything I can do
37:37she would help me.
37:38But I did a video
37:39where I said children
37:40should be more scared
37:41of their fathers than
37:42they should be of the
37:43police and teachers.
37:44And what I mean by
37:45that is if I commit
37:46a crime, my worry is
37:47not the police officer.
37:48I could care less about him.
37:49My worry is when they
37:50tell my dad.
37:51Because I respect
37:52my father more than
37:53I respect any police
37:54officer.
37:55Like who's that?
37:56Or like even the
37:57teachers, I couldn't
37:58care less what the
37:59teachers thought.
38:00That regulated kind
38:01of behavior meant I
38:02didn't step on
38:03police toes.
38:04They're the last of
38:05my priorities.
38:06If I felt like I could
38:07do whatever I want
38:08whenever I want and
38:09my mum and dad are
38:10still going to love me
38:11or my husband's still
38:12going to love me
38:13regardless, I'm going
38:14to do whatever I want.
38:15And I don't want to be
38:16a person that does
38:17whatever they want.
38:18I want a person that
38:19knows that the people
38:20I love and respect
38:21have boundaries because
38:22it brings out the
38:23better side in me.
38:24And that translates
38:25into relationships as well.
38:26Most into relationships.
38:27If my sons are watching
38:28I hope they better
38:29worry about what I'm
38:30going to say.
38:31Is there something
38:32about American men
38:33that if you even
38:34criticize them this
38:35much as if their
38:36fathers...
38:37And I don't know if
38:38this is all men.
38:39Do you think men in
38:40general, if they get
38:41any kind of criticism
38:42or hate from their
38:43father, they take it
38:44super sensitively?
38:45From their father?
38:46Yeah.
38:47I mean, I would think
38:48so.
38:49Yeah, what is it
38:50about like...
38:51Every time I have a
38:52client that says,
38:53I cut my dad off
38:54when I was 14,
38:55I'll say, what happened?
38:56He's like, well, I was
38:57mopping the floor
38:58when I was 14.
38:59But then I realise
39:00the brainwashing
39:01with the mother
39:02is a cultural thing
39:03where any kind of
39:04criticism is just
39:05like not accepted at all.
39:06Is that a common
39:07thing amongst men?
39:08It's interesting
39:09because I've interviewed
39:10some older men
39:11on my show.
39:12And one of them
39:13is super famous.
39:14He's in his 80s
39:15and he's a high
39:16performance coach
39:17with the Castle
39:18in Scotland.
39:19We dress very similar.
39:20And he used to say
39:21that his dad once
39:22in his whole life
39:23said, I love you, son.
39:24And that basically
39:25his whole life
39:26was spent trying
39:27to be good enough
39:28for his dad.
39:29These are the
39:30old school relationships
39:31that maybe happen
39:32in the 40s and 50s
39:33and 60s.
39:34And he hit him.
39:35And I think you made
39:36some comments about that.
39:37We should get into that too.
39:38And so, look,
39:39on one hand,
39:40you say that
39:41and say, okay,
39:42does it have to be that way?
39:43But you can also see
39:44it does create young men
39:45with boundaries
39:46and aspirations.
39:47Now, I can't imagine
39:49not telling my boys
39:50that I love them
39:51because I do love them.
39:52But at the same time,
39:53I want to raise men
39:54and strong men
39:55and certain behaviour
39:56is not okay with me.
39:57But like,
39:58I can kind of see
39:59how that old school way
40:00of raising kids,
40:01which probably happened
40:02for the last few hundred years,
40:03of super stern.
40:04Peter Thiel took
40:05a half a million dollars
40:06and turned it into
40:07a billion dollars
40:08using the exact same techniques
40:09we're using
40:10inside the investment club.
40:11He met a CEO.
40:12His name was Zuckerberg.
40:13He pitched him the deal.
40:14And he said, okay,
40:15I'll give you
40:16a half a million dollars.
40:17Mark went public
40:18and sold the shares
40:19to people like you.
40:20Well, what happened to Peter?
40:21Well, he exited
40:22and got a 2300X return.
40:24The wealthy investor
40:25The wealthy invest
40:26in early stage companies, folks.
40:28The public markets
40:29are for suckers.
40:30It's a rigged game.
40:31By the way,
40:32this happens in crypto as well.
40:33It's called pre-sale tokens.
40:34This is Solana.
40:35Does anybody know this chain?
40:36They sold pre-sale tokens
40:38for four cents.
40:39And you can see
40:40the date on there.
40:41April 5th, 2018.
40:42Look at Solana today, folks.
40:44That thing's up over 1000X.
40:47The media and Wall Street
40:49and all these hype people
40:51get you to buy the top.
40:52Meanwhile,
40:53they put their clients
40:54at the bottom
40:55and they use you
40:56for liquidity
40:57to make their clients rich.
40:58You can play this same game.
41:00You just have to have
41:01the financial education
41:02and the deal flow.
41:03That's it.
41:04No one's going to tell me
41:05how to raise my kids,
41:06whereas these days
41:07everyone's going to tell you.
41:08The schools are going to tell you.
41:09The governments.
41:10I can see how that has benefits.
41:12Yeah, it has huge benefits
41:13because remember,
41:14teachers even used to
41:15hit kids back then.
41:16I know.
41:17So it wasn't just like
41:18your evil dad.
41:19It would be everybody.
41:20It was a culture.
41:21I don't actually agree
41:22with hitting kids
41:23because I prefer parenting
41:25where your consequences
41:27are enough
41:28where they don't need hitting.
41:29And I also think
41:30that maybe,
41:31I don't know,
41:32for me I find it hard
41:33the idea of hitting.
41:34Did you make a video recently
41:35about hitting your kids?
41:36I don't think I have yet.
41:37Should I?
41:38Yeah, maybe you should.
41:39I personally don't think
41:40you need to,
41:41but I'm not the type
41:42because I got hit as a child
41:43to think hitting means abuse.
41:44At the same time,
41:45I don't think a hit means abuse.
41:46I just don't think you should.
41:47I don't think you need to,
41:48but it doesn't constitute
41:49as abuse
41:50because sometimes
41:51that's the only discipline
41:52they knew back then.
41:53And I just think
41:54that what's happened is
41:56men are always designed,
41:57evolutionary-wise,
41:58to just get the food
41:59for the kids.
42:00That's it.
42:01Food and shelter.
42:02They weren't actually
42:03kissing, hugging,
42:04nurturing or anything.
42:05This is a new phenomenon.
42:06So some men,
42:07they're not used to it.
42:08They're not actually
42:09programmed for this.
42:10This wasn't their tools
42:11for survival.
42:12So what's happened
42:13with a lot of men
42:14in this generation
42:15is they expect their fathers
42:16to just be
42:17a male version of a mother.
42:18They just expect
42:19to be raised by lesbians,
42:20two women basically.
42:21They want their father
42:22to be just as affectionate
42:23as their mom was,
42:24just as unconditional
42:25as their mom was,
42:26just as everything
42:27their mom was,
42:28they want their father.
42:29They don't realize
42:30that the structure
42:31that the father brings
42:32is through his
42:33kind of slightly more
42:34unconditional,
42:35sorry, more conditional standards,
42:36high standards,
42:37more discipline.
42:38That's how you get
42:39the best out of children.
42:40But they just want
42:41two moms nowadays.
42:42And that's why
42:43I think it's dangerous
42:44for men to have this mentality
42:45that fathers should act
42:46like mothers.
42:47Yeah, I agree
42:48with what you're saying
42:49with most of that.
42:51I agree with you.
42:52I don't think
42:53you need to hit kids.
42:54And also I think
42:55in a weird way
42:56it shows that
42:57you have less power.
42:58It's just like
42:59when you,
43:00if you swear,
43:01whenever you see someone
43:02swearing when they're yelling,
43:03they use it
43:04because they don't have
43:05enough power
43:06with their normal words.
43:07So it's actually a tell
43:08that they don't have the power.
43:09They don't have the power
43:10because you're not
43:11respecting them.
43:12So I agree.
43:13I think you don't need
43:14to do that
43:15if you're doing
43:16everything else right.
43:17But that means
43:18you've got to have
43:19respect to you.
43:20And consequences to actions.
43:21Yeah, and consequences.
43:22And then, you know,
43:23maybe they're looking at you
43:24thinking,
43:25I don't respect dad
43:26because look at him.
43:27He's a slob, he's a mess
43:28and he doesn't even
43:29respect his own discipline.
43:30Why should I respect his?
43:31And just sometimes
43:32as a father
43:33does it get undermined
43:34by mothers
43:35or like the other way around?
43:36Can fathers undermine mothers?
43:37Because I think
43:38that's the key.
43:39Having wives
43:40who understand
43:41that the version
43:42of love fathers give
43:43is different to theirs.
43:44It doesn't all have
43:45to be exactly the same
43:46as long as the child
43:47still gets the boundaries
43:48that they need.
43:49But a lot of women
43:50can sometimes undermine
43:51the father's version of love
43:52by saying it's toxic
43:53or saying it's abusive
43:54when really it's just masculine.
43:55I think it's hard
43:56these days
43:57because the whole wave
43:58of probably a lot
43:59of the American-based
44:00woke culture
44:01is permeating everyone.
44:02And so I think now
44:03the mothers
44:04are a bit quicker
44:05to say,
44:06oh, that way
44:07of father parenting
44:08isn't right
44:09and we need to
44:10unconditionally love.
44:11We need to do all that.
44:12Whereas I try to step back
44:13and when the mother
44:14isn't saying
44:15what I think is necessary,
44:16I try to think
44:18okay, that's feminine energy.
44:19They need some of that.
44:20And then this is
44:21my masculine energy
44:22and I'm gonna give them
44:23a dose of that.
44:24Now of course
44:25since I'm in my own reality
44:26I can't see my flaws.
44:27But I would say
44:28that sometimes-
44:29But your kids are great.
44:30Sometimes my way,
44:31mom does not agree
44:32with my way.
44:33And my way
44:34is the cold reality of life.
44:35Now I have a stepdaughter.
44:36She's amazing.
44:37She's 20 years old.
44:38But I've been telling her
44:39for 10 years
44:40when you're 18
44:41I'm throwing you
44:42out of the goddamn house.
44:43That's it.
44:44I don't care.
44:45You're not coming back
44:46so you better
44:47get your shit together.
44:48I've also told her
44:49even recently
44:50nobody cares.
44:51You've been taught
44:52all your life
44:53that someone out there
44:54that cares
44:55or is gonna take care of you
44:56I said nobody cares about you.
44:57And unless you get
44:58your shit together
44:59you're not gonna be able
45:00to function in this world.
45:01Now that's my harsh way
45:02of maybe trying
45:03to prepare her.
45:04But I would say
45:05mom isn't always a fan
45:06of the way I do that.
45:09To continue watching
45:10the rest of the episode
45:11for free
45:12visit our website
45:13londonreal.tv
45:14or click the link
45:15in the description below.
45:46It takes a real leap of faith
45:48because there are
45:49so many scams
45:50rug pulls
45:51and bad actors out there.
45:52It's a dangerous business
45:54which is why
45:5595% of people
45:56lose all their money.
45:57Well that's why
45:58I created the
45:59London Real Investment Club
46:00so you can access
46:01the hottest deals
46:02on the planet
46:03and use the crypto
46:04bull market
46:05to create the
46:06generational wealth
46:07that you deserve.
46:08Join my team
46:09of over 100 people
46:10from around the world
46:11that are making
46:12millions of dollars
46:13behind the scenes
46:14in blockchain,
46:15AI,
46:16Web3 games,
46:17DeFi,
46:18Bitcoin,
46:19and more.
46:20Don't miss out.
46:21Click the link below
46:22to book a call
46:23with one of my team now.
46:24But hurry,
46:25this bull market
46:26will end soon.
46:27I know investing crypto
46:28can be scary
46:29that's why you gotta
46:30join the investment club.
46:31Pull the trigger.
46:32Let's do this.