Frasier Season 4 Episode 11 Three Days Of The Condo
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00:00Well, I'm off to get our lunch. Any special requests?
00:05Oh, no, no. Anything you pick up will be fine.
00:07Okay, then. Back in a bit.
00:09She is such a doll. You are such a doll.
00:16I thought she'd never leave.
00:18I know. It's nice to have some time alone, finally, isn't it?
00:22I'll come near you.
00:30Hey, you. Get your own.
00:32Now, come on. Now, get away. Come on.
00:34Come on with me. Come on, Eddie.
00:36Come on. Come on.
00:38There you go.
00:40Seat's already up for you.
00:42It's happy hour.
00:46Where were we?
00:47Oh, come here, you little devil, you.
00:53Well, look who was just coming home with takeout from the doll.
00:56Oh, isn't that lucky?
00:58Hey, boys.
00:59My, don't you look handsome in your best bib and tucker.
01:04Come on and give Aunt Sherry a great big kiss.
01:08Or perhaps just a friendly wave from across the room.
01:13Niles, you are so shy.
01:16Thank God your big brother isn't.
01:17Come on, Frayge, plant one on me.
01:19Oh.
01:22Has Eddie been licking you?
01:29Yes.
01:31Yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:32I thought your perfume had a hint of snortage in it.
01:35So, you two have been shopping?
01:40Well, antiquing, actually.
01:43I just found the most exquisite Japanese door knocker.
01:47It's said to bring peace and tranquility to any home it adorns.
01:50Oh, I haven't seen any decent oriental knockers since Empress Chow's Shanghai Review.
02:01Isn't she great?
02:03She's as funny as she is classy.
02:06No argument there.
02:07Oh, by the way, if you want someone to install that for you, I can put you in touch with my ex-houseman, Guy.
02:17Guy?
02:18No, Guy.
02:20Guy?
02:20No, no.
02:21Back of the throat.
02:22Guy.
02:22Oh, what's the difference?
02:25I'm not so helpless that I cannot install a simple door knocker on my own.
02:37Might want to use the screwdriver.
02:39That's exactly what I was about to get.
02:46It's in the tool drawer.
02:53The drawer under that big tea server thing.
02:56That is a Belarusian samovar.
03:00My God, how long have you lived here?
03:03Here we are.
03:04No, she's ready.
03:05Oh, actually, hon, I just remembered.
03:07I've got an air and I've got to run before I get to work.
03:11Goodbye, Niles.
03:12Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you.
03:15I know it embarrasses you.
03:17Wait.
03:19Come here.
03:20You got some schmutz on your cheek.
03:24My mistake, it's a mole.
03:28You might want to have that checked.
03:31Oh, I think now I'll just play it safe and have it removed.
03:37Oh, Daphne, you know, apparently this morning when you were dusting, you forgot this objet does not face front, but rather askew.
03:46Oh, I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane.
03:50I should never have tried to do it without that diagram you drew me.
03:55Oh, Fraser, now that I know you like antiques, I've got a little present at home for you.
04:01Oh, it's a lamp shaped like two frogs kissing, and when you turn it on, their hearts glow.
04:10When would you like me to bring it by?
04:13Preferably when I'm here.
04:14Oh.
04:17I'll bring it with me tomorrow.
04:19Bye-bye.
04:21Daphne, would you bring me the hammer?
04:24I thought you just needed a screwdriver for your door knocking.
04:27Well, I do. I just want to be prepared when that froggy lamp gets here.
04:33Well, see you later, honey. I'll call you.
04:36Okay, bye.
04:37Oh, hi there, Mrs. Langer.
04:39Ms.
04:40Oh, right. Ms.
04:42Sable cow.
04:44Niles, tonight's your opera night, isn't it?
04:52Uh, yes, why?
04:53Well, I was just wondering, you know, I'd love to cook a nice romantic dinner for Sherry,
04:58but I can't do it at her place because I'm allergic to her cats,
05:01and there's just no privacy around here.
05:04Say no more, Dad.
05:06My bachelor pad is the perfect place to entertain a young lady.
05:09Just remember, always use coasters, no snacking in the carpeted areas,
05:16and close the art books after viewing so you don't crease the spine.
05:22I believe they have the same rules of the Playboy Mansion.
05:27Oh, here we are. That's that, huh? That's not so hard.
05:32You know, tomorrow morning, I think I may just have to tackle that leaky sink of the potter room.
05:36Oh.
05:39Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a joke.
05:47Oh.
05:48The inaugural knock.
05:54Oh.
05:55What's this?
05:55You're an authorized door knocker violates the condo buy laws regarding hallway decoration.
06:08Remove it immediately.
06:10Oh, that's one of Mrs. Lager's no-no slips.
06:14Oh, I can't stand that woman.
06:16Just because she's president of the condo board, she acts like this building's a kingdom.
06:21Everything has to be done exactly the way she likes it.
06:23Yes, well, Daphne, no one hates a bossy, fuss-budget more than I do, but, Daphne, askew, askew, don't you see?
06:35But rules are there for a reason.
06:38I was obviously at four for not getting approval before I hung the knocker.
06:42I did notice a sign in the lobby about some condo board meeting tonight, if you want to present your case.
06:48Oh, perfect.
06:49We live in a democratic system, and I will work within it.
06:53I'm sure I can persuade them with my charm and eloquence.
06:56I don't know.
06:57Those people can be very difficult.
06:59Oh, Prishtosh.
07:00It's not as though I'll be addressing the Supreme Court.
07:02I'll simply be talking to the board.
07:05Well, there will be by the time he gets through.
07:07After a careful consideration of the bids from a number of gardeners, we have decided to go with Jordan Landscaping.
07:25Excuse me.
07:26Not too late, am I?
07:27I was hoping to make a statement.
07:30Me too.
07:31No, they'll be getting to new business for the floor shortly.
07:33Good, good.
07:35I have a matter of some input to discuss.
07:38Oh.
07:38Well, then you should go before me.
07:40Oh, thank you.
07:41Why are you here?
07:42I'm going to ask them to make the ramp up front of the building less steep so I don't keep rolling into traffic.
07:50How about you?
07:52Oh, perhaps you should go first.
07:57Is that Frasier Crane talking while I'm talking?
08:03Well, yes, I'm sorry, Miss Langer.
08:07I was just inquiring as to whether I was too late to raise some new business.
08:11Well, we were just about to get to that.
08:13Why don't you go ahead?
08:15I'll be quick.
08:18Earlier today, I installed a new door knocker without your permission.
08:22Now, I'd like to say in my defense that my over-eagerness was not out of disrespect, but rather enthusiasm for an object, which I'm sure you will agree, is really quite beautiful.
08:33I understand the rule exists to prohibit people from putting eyesores in public places, but I ask you, should it apply to something as beautiful as this?
08:43Here, if you will, please.
08:45Something which serves only to elevate our spirits.
08:49Let's just say that someone passes by my door, sees the knocker, and suddenly feels just a little bit better, without even knowing why.
08:58That same person passes a perfect stranger and smiles, who in turn reaches down, picks up perhaps a piece of trash, plants a garden, volunteers at a soup kitchen.
09:12Like little ripples on a still palm, the happiness spreads.
09:18You see, sir, what I'm asking you to do is think of this not simply as an ornament, but rather an opportunity, dare I say it, knocking on the door of a new, more civilized world.
09:39Allow us just a moment.
09:40Oh, of course.
09:42Request denied.
09:45You must remove the knocker within 24 hours, despite the consequences to world peace.
09:54No, I appreciate your attention.
09:57Are you still talking?
10:00Your request is denied.
10:03Sit down.
10:03Yes, but there has been no discussion.
10:05It hasn't even been opened up to the floor.
10:07I will entertain suggestions from the floor if anyone has any idea how to shut this man up.
10:12You know, I came down here expecting a fair hearing in the democratic tradition, but I see now that you are a tyrant, concerned more with the exercise of power than with justice.
10:24Well, fine, I will leave now, taking solace in the certain knowledge that in time, you, Miss Langer, will join all tyrants on the ash heap of history.
10:34I'm not here.
10:35I'm not here.
10:40I'll just get this later.
11:20Dr. Crane.
11:38Yes.
11:39Who's there?
11:40A friend.
11:41Oh, keep your distance.
11:44But why can't I see you?
11:46That's not important right now.
11:47What's important is that you were not afraid to go up against Ms. Langer last night.
11:56Without love's success.
11:57More than you know, most people in the building are afraid of her.
12:02There is a group of us who fight her, though, a small but determined band of resistors.
12:09You know the new doormat by the service elevator?
12:15We did that.
12:18It's very nice.
12:21We would like you to be our candidate and go up against her in the upcoming elections.
12:27Well, I'm very flattered, but you see, I have a great many demands.
12:29You are our only chance, Dr. Crane, and she must be defeated.
12:34She is evil.
12:36Nichols, in 1704, was two days late in his condo fee, and she lowered the water pressure in his shower.
12:45Eventually, he died.
12:46From bad water pressure?
12:51No, I think it was a hunting accident.
12:56But he spent his last months on this earth unable to get all the conditioner out of his hair.
13:05Only you possess the charisma and courage to defeat her.
13:09Well, that may be, but...
13:11I am not asking you to decide right now.
13:17I just want you to say you'll think about it.
13:20All right.
13:22But why can't I see who you are?
13:24Because I'm remodeling my bathroom.
13:33If she found out I was talking to you, she would never approve my bidet.
13:37I would work better without the vanity plates, Dr. Dorfman.
14:01Oh, Frasier, wait.
14:08Oh, hello, Nars.
14:09You know, Nars, the most extraordinary thing just happened to me down in the garage.
14:12Excuse me.
14:14Is Dad home now?
14:15Yes, as far as I know.
14:17Oh, I was afraid of that.
14:18Why?
14:19Is something wrong?
14:20Oh, well, last night I invited Dad to use my apartment for a quiet, romantic dinner with Sherry while I attended La Traviata.
14:28Well, the production was just dreadful.
14:30Oh, well.
14:31In A Force et Louis, Sperano couldn't hit the E-flat above high C to save her life.
14:36So I got so fed up, I stormed out, drove home, entered my apartment, and when I saw what Dad and Sherry were doing there, I hit the note myself.
14:47You mean they were...
14:48They were...
14:49Oh.
14:52What did you do?
14:54Pulled up a chaise lounge and took out my opera glasses.
14:56What do you think I did?
14:59I slammed the door and ran away.
15:01Never been so embarrassed.
15:02I don't think I can face him now.
15:04Oh, no, I'll just simply have to diffuse the entire subject.
15:08It's a simple adult conversation.
15:10I don't want to recreate what happened to Maris and me after the cabinet incident.
15:14I walked in on her taking a shower.
15:16Oh, God.
15:17Months of avoidance and awkwardness.
15:20Excuse me.
15:24You saw my Maris completely naked?
15:26Oh, don't fret, Miles.
15:29It was really nothing more than a fleeting glance through a very steamy bathroom.
15:34More like glimpsing a birch sapling through a thick fog.
15:37Life is so unfair.
15:42You get a vision of my Maris, I get a big eyeful of dad.
15:49Well, I'd say we hit about the same level on the yikes meter.
15:53Oh, Ross, you're here.
15:57Is that your idea of an apology for making me work on a Saturday and then getting here late?
16:01I was detained.
16:05Ross, the most extraordinary thing happened.
16:07I was down in the parking garage.
16:09Suddenly, I was blinded by a set of headlights.
16:13A mysterious man crept from the shadows and told me that I should run for condo boy president.
16:21You've been at your wine club, haven't you?
16:26No.
16:27This really happened.
16:29Surely you're not actually thinking of running.
16:31You never held an elected office in your life.
16:33You forgetting?
16:35I served two terms back in high school as Grand Pan-Gendrum of the Vocabulary Club.
16:43Listen, Frazier, this job is a nightmare.
16:47Trust me, I know.
16:48Like if somebody wants a garbage disposal, they'll bug you day and night.
16:53They'll leave kitchen scraps in your mailbox until they get what they want.
16:58You've served on a condo board?
17:00No, but I have a brand new garbage disposal.
17:03Hello.
17:08Daphne, let me help you with those.
17:11Oh, thanks.
17:13I've had to lug these things five blocks.
17:16This morning, Mrs. Langer gave me one of those no-no slips for parking in the same vacant space I've been using for years.
17:23I'm sorry, Daphne.
17:24I'm afraid this is my fault.
17:26Mrs. Langer is simply retaliating against me.
17:28You see, last night I rather humiliated her in a dazzling display of rhetoric.
17:33I heard you spilled your briefcase all over the floor.
17:39You know, if this building has a great fine, Ernest and Julio Gallo would envy.
17:43Well, you know, perhaps I should run against Mrs. Langer.
17:49God knows she's right for a good comeuppance.
17:51Oh, I know exactly what you mean, Dr. Crane.
17:54I was standing behind her in the elevator the other day, looking at the back of her head, and I thought, you know, several stout whacks with a tire iron, and this building will be a much happier place.
18:07I'll just get these bags off to the kitchen.
18:14Treasure, this Langer woman sounds as if she wields considerable power.
18:17What if you run against her and lose?
18:19I'm with Niles.
18:20Let somebody else do it.
18:22What an appalling expression of apathy.
18:24What kind of a world do you think this would be if everyone thought the way you two do?
18:27Everyone does think the way we do.
18:29And look at the kind of world it is.
18:31Corruption in high places.
18:33An electorate unconcerned with the real issues because they're too consumed with their own selfish pleasures.
18:38Is this a Claire spoken for?
18:39It's mine.
18:40Put it back.
18:42Rolls, don't you see?
18:45Point is, if you're not willing to get involved, then you have no right to grumble when things don't go your way.
18:51Look at this.
18:53I got two slips for not taking any of the freight elevator.
18:56It's ridiculous.
18:57Everybody uses the main elevator.
19:00Mrs. Tornquist has her dog Fluffy in there all the time.
19:04Well, that's it.
19:06I am running for condo board, President.
19:09Time comes in every man's life and he must meet face to face a challenge.
19:13Other than skitter away like a coward.
19:15Well, I'm proud of you, son.
19:17That's the way a crane talks.
19:20Oh, Dad, nice seeing you.
19:22I mean, not...
19:23Okay, Andy, now.
19:43Good boy, Eddie.
19:55Now go and make dinner.
20:02It's just a little joke Eddie and I have been working on.
20:05Too bad.
20:09It explained so much.
20:14What is this, another one?
20:16Oh, yes.
20:18Seems your father got it last night.
20:21I guess he's just refusing to take Eddie in the freight elevator.
20:25Of course.
20:25All that'll be different once you're elected.
20:27Yes, but we don't want to jinx it, Dadly.
20:29But I must say, I think my chances are very good.
20:31After this missive I found this morning,
20:34on my windshield,
20:36it's from the Resistance.
20:37Dear Dr. Crane,
20:42we have polled the building.
20:44The election is yours.
20:45Good work.
20:47Signed, Anonymous.
20:49Well, wouldn't this be more anonymous
20:52if it didn't say from the desk of Dr. William M. Dorfman?
20:57Yes, well, now you see why they need me.
21:02My comfortable lead aside,
21:03I still wish I had a punchier opening for this speech I wrote this morning.
21:06Well, I'm running out of time.
21:11Unless.
21:14Yes.
21:16I think Miss Langer may have given me
21:17the very ammunition I need
21:19for my opening cell wall.
21:22You'll see how the voters feel about a woman
21:24who tries to persecute
21:26a disabled ex-policeman
21:28and this loyal little door.
21:29Oh, Paul, it'll be nice to live in a building
21:32where people can hang whatever they damn well please
21:34on the door.
21:35Of course.
21:36Well,
21:38pending my approval.
21:42Is he gone?
21:43Well, yes.
21:44You're not avoiding him, are you?
21:46Well, yeah, kind of.
21:48I mean, it's pretty embarrassing
21:49about getting caught last night
21:51in that hot tub.
21:52I mean, the whole building's talking about it.
21:54What happened?
21:55You haven't heard?
21:57No.
21:57Oh, well, never mind.
22:00No, no, no, no, no.
22:01What?
22:04Well, after dinner last night,
22:06my hip was getting kind of stiff,
22:07so I went down to the hot tub.
22:09Well, you know how it is
22:10when you kick on the jets
22:11and your trunks fill up
22:12like a hot air balloon.
22:14No, but go on.
22:16Well, there's nobody around,
22:18so I just slipped out of them
22:19and tossed them on the deck.
22:21You mean you were...
22:22Yeah, just floating free.
22:24So I'm just sitting there
22:26minding my own business, you know,
22:27and letting the bubbles do their work,
22:29and suddenly old lady Langer shows up.
22:33She sees my trunks
22:34and she writes me out of a no-no slip
22:35right there and then.
22:37You mean the no-no slip
22:38was for being naked in the hot tub?
22:41Yeah.
22:42Oh.
22:44I told Dr. Crane
22:45it was because you took Eddie in the elevator.
22:48Oh, dear.
22:49I've got to get down to that condo meeting.
22:51Why?
22:52I don't know what's going on down there,
22:54but suddenly I have a very queasy feeling.
22:59Just what Ms. Langer said
23:00when she tossed me in my trunks.
23:05And so you can vote for me,
23:09a person who has worked this past year
23:12to keep this building running smoothly,
23:16or you can turn the building over to a man
23:20who can scarcely keep his own family under control.
23:27fellow condo owners,
23:36I'm sorry my opponent has chosen to be vindictive
23:40about my family,
23:41but that is merely characteristic of her behavior
23:45during her entire term in office.
23:47How else would one explain this?
23:52This citation my father received last night
23:54is a perfect example of the pettiness
23:57of which this woman is capable.
23:58We're all aware of your father's behavior last night.
24:02I'm surprised you're not too ashamed to bring it up.
24:05Ashamed?
24:07Not at all.
24:08I defend his behavior.
24:10So he had his little friend down where he shouldn't be.
24:13So what?
24:14Been doing it for years.
24:16You approve of his behavior?
24:21Approve?
24:22I applaud it!
24:24Have you no compassion?
24:27My father is getting older.
24:30Hasn't many pleasures left in life.
24:32I can't tell you the hours of joy
24:38that that little guy has brought him.
24:43And not just him.
24:45Who among us can't help but
24:47break into a smile upon seeing the little fella?
24:52Oh, I know, you know,
24:53sometimes it is irksome
24:55when his little Eddie appears
24:56at an inopportune moment, but...
24:58He's named it Eddie?
25:00Well, not exactly, of course,
25:02the name that I might have chosen.
25:03I might have gone with something a bit more,
25:05oh, I don't know, whimsical,
25:06like, uh...
25:07Oh, Puck!
25:10You know, the prodig some Sprite
25:12from Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream.
25:15Oh, don't look so shocked.
25:17Whom does it really harm
25:19if he unleashes Eddie once in a while?
25:22Come on, he's not as always alone
25:24in such behavior, Mrs. Tornquist.
25:25I've seen you do the same thing many times
25:27with your fluffy.
25:27You know, if you ask me,
25:31not only is his behavior harmless,
25:33it's laudable.
25:34Why, you should see
25:35the looks on the faces
25:37of the schoolchildren
25:38when he takes Eddie up
25:39by the playground.
25:46What? What the fuck?
25:47On the other hand,
25:58we all need rules.
26:02Go, go, go!
26:07Sorry about the knocker.
26:10Hey, baby, I hear the blues
26:19are calling
26:19tossed salads
26:20and scrambled eggs.
26:24Mercy.
26:26And maybe I seem
26:27a bit confused.
26:28Well, maybe.
26:30But I got you picked.
26:32Ha!
26:32Ha!
26:33Ha!
26:34Ha!
26:34But I don't know
26:35what to do
26:36with those tossed salads
26:37and scrambled eggs.
26:41They're calling again.
26:44Good night!
26:45Good night!