- 5/8/2025
Letterkenny Season 8 Episode 5 Yard Sale Saturday
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00you
00:05You had to use the facilities the other day
00:11Well fucking Alexander
00:14Where the dicks hang out?
00:16Oh, that's right. Taylor told me you're helpful to clean up here now, right?
00:20You can shake more than once. We know what you're doing. How long you been at it?
00:2448 fiscal hours boy, that's more enough time to see a nightmare to around here
00:29Sometimes there's shit on the outside of the toilet
00:36Huh? Sometimes there's shit on the outside of the toilet
00:42Is that right? You think that's bad you should see the uranus
00:47Huh? You think that's bad you should see the uranus
00:50Did it get pretty hairy over there?
00:52Sometimes there's shit on the outside of the uranus
00:56What?
00:57Sometimes there's shit on the outside of the uranus
01:01Fuck?
01:01Uh, duh
01:02Well, how do you think it got there?
01:04I don't remember how I said sometimes there's shit on the outside of the toilet
01:08Yeah
01:09Well, I bet the shit got on the outside of the uranus the same way the shit got on the outside of the toilet
01:16Isn't that something?
01:17Isn't that something?
01:18Isn't that something?
01:19Is this piss now streaming?
01:21Wayne?
01:22Wayne?
01:23Wayne?
01:24No
01:25Wayne, I'm not spagging you
01:26Alexander!
01:27There, you're Canadian
01:30In here, European
01:33So, shit
01:35Looks like someone unswallowed over there
01:37Hmm
01:38You think that's bad sometimes there's shit on the outside of the toilet
01:43Huh?
01:44You think that's bad sometimes there's shit on the outside of the toilet
01:48Well, I sprayed the seed from time to time when I got crap on top
01:52But I never missed the bowl entirely
01:54Fuckin' DGens need to mind their scruples
01:56You think that's bad you should see the uranus
01:58Huh?
01:59You think that's bad you should see the uranus
02:01Hmm, pretty hairy over there?
02:03Sometimes there's shit on the outside of the uranus
02:06What?
02:07Sometimes there's shit on the outside of the uranus
02:10Well, how the fuck did shit get there?
02:12Remember how I said sometimes there's shit on the outside of the toilet?
02:16Feels like you told me that nearly a year ago now
02:18Yeah, we're kinda burning daylight here, eh?
02:20Hmm
02:21I bet the shit got on the outside of the uranus
02:24The same way the shit got on the outside of the toilet
02:27Well...
02:28I don't offend for nothin' but I think I'd rather just piss outside, Alexander
02:32I just came in and washed my hands
02:35Why'd you wash your hands?
02:36Out of dirt
02:37Hmm
02:38Well, I'd have a dirt
02:40Maybe I'd have a dirt with you and then just wash my hands after that dirt
02:44Hey Gens
02:45I know how the shit get on the outside of the toilet and also the uranus
02:51Why would someone take a shit on the outside of the toilet and also the uranus?
03:02Cause that's where the dicks hang out
03:05Wayne?
03:19Katie?
03:20What are you up to today?
03:22What abouts?
03:23This aft
03:24What, like this afternoon-ish?
03:25This afternoon-ish, yeah
03:26Well, I'd have to check my agenda
03:28I'm gonna check your log
03:30Check your records
03:31Well, I checked your day planner and you logged a line, underlined it in bold and highlighted it in italics
03:37Oh?
03:38Anything, uh, ringing a bell?
03:40Striking a chord?
03:41Drumming on up?
03:42Oh, that's right
03:44Yard sales Saturday!
03:47Super fuckin' shooters!
03:49You boys ready to dicker?
03:50Well, you always gotta dicker!
03:51Heard the McMurries got a real good spread this year
03:53How big a spread?
03:54I like a good-sized spread
03:55What, like two-three-table spread?
03:57No, like three-five-table spread
03:58Oh, three-to-five tabler!
04:00Well, Gail's table and all are old glassware, so I'll get a set or two
04:03Well, Katie, you better make sure you got fuckin' room for another set
04:06There's plenty of room for another set
04:08Katie, there's such a thing as too much sets, and a gal ought to be fuckin' aware of it
04:12Dan, you still gonna be after old books?
04:14Well, same as you're just gonna be on the hunts for old pornos, Darius
04:17Yeah, I bet the McMurries got a good spread on their spread
04:20And there'll be lots of old tins and signage for you, big brother
04:24Good buddy, how'd that get to be your niche? Old signs and tins?
04:28Well, it's the history of it I like, it's the history you see
04:31Where it started, why it started, where it's been
04:34Professor Trisha says lots of those old corporations were run by racists
04:38And that they should just be left in the waste paper basket where they belong
04:41Oh, why don't you tell Professor Trisha if you don't understand where you came from
04:45You never understand where you are
04:47That's it
04:48Attaboy
04:49Well, make sure it's your dickers
04:51I always got a dicker
04:52Wayne, why don't you tell us the Canadian Pickers Guide to Dickering
04:56You mean the greatest Canadian feel-good show of all time, Canadian Pickers?
05:01Yep
05:02Step one
05:03Identify item and recite some history on it to establish genuine interest in said item
05:09Step two
05:10Ask the seller
05:11What are you gonna need to have out of that?
05:15Step three
05:16No matter what price the seller gives you, tell the seller
05:19Well that sounds like retail to me
05:21Step four
05:22Circle back on step two and ask the seller
05:25What's the absolute best you can do on it?
05:29And step five
05:31If the seller holds firm, bundle item of interest in with a few other items to get the price down to one you're comfortable paying
05:37Bob's your uncle
05:39Masterful
05:40That's how you fucking dicker
05:42Well you always got a dicker
05:44Are one of you's wearing perfume?
05:47Men aren't supposed to wear perfume, Katie
05:49My queen's clothing are good buddies
05:51Could be owed to Toilette cause that's unisex
05:54Oh it fucking isn't these days
05:56Sounds like someone's going on a date
05:59No it's not a date, it's a go along
06:04Sounds like a date to me
06:06Well no it's not a date, it's a walkabout
06:10Rosie came calling
06:12Is it racist to say that I think Rosie looks a whole lot like Princess Jasmine?
06:16Well we're just going to take the dogs for a run there so
06:19Hmm doggie date
06:21Sounds like a pretty choice afternoon big brother
06:24Some say the choicest
06:25Well I'm going to bring Dirk so see if Rosie wants to come too
06:39Couple of 511's if I've ever seen them
06:41Huh?
06:42You're fucking average
06:43Do you think Bush did 511?
06:46Update
06:48Uh, we couldn't exactly get the club off the ground
06:52You're kidding
06:54Told ya, pay up
06:57That's strike one, moving on
07:00Bro Dude has suggested we lend you resources for a photo shoot
07:04See if we can't get you looking a little less
07:06HURRRRRRRR
07:08Sick!
07:09I shot down that suggestion and suggested that any resources lent to Derek Zoolander and Hansel
07:16would be misused resources so you're gonna do it yourselves a photo shoot find a photographer
07:26and have them shoot you the way you would like to be portrayed as bro dude brand ambassadors
07:31get a girl or two like this on board to check the representation box strip him down like this
07:37and send me when complete capiche isn't it kind of not pc to include a girl but then
07:44sexualize them pull your tampon can we can we use those girls remember what i just said about
07:52misused resources yes and neither one of these girls across the street to piss on you if you were on fire
08:01would you you've let me down today i'm gonna have to take a number on both of you
08:15what's the opposite of he
08:17yeah you're fucking right it is 24 hours
08:25okay bro we're gonna need a mega babe
08:32daryl's ex sweetie
08:36is it racist to say that i think that daryl's ex sweetie looks like princess jasmine
08:41steward
08:47ali steward
08:50bianca donk steward
08:53know that quote from spider-man with great risk comes great reward
08:57actually it's with great power she's paraphrasing we're back in business baby
09:03gina coladas gina coladas
09:05actually it's ghb nicole she's abbreviating we're going back to the city but before we do
09:12let's talk about the great reward that follows your great risk
09:19and that quote is actually by uncle ben as well not spider-man she's ball parking rolled
09:26for clarification we are talking about some of that good
09:34fucking
09:34mm-hmm-hmm
09:35mm-hmm-hmm
09:37wondrous
09:48keys
09:51have you seen rosie yet no
09:53well i've got two hours to run the dogs before i'm back with dirk so
09:56pitter-patter
09:57fit
10:00must have been kind of a weird first impression meeting dirks of the rippers eh
10:04well a first impression's a lasting one
10:08proceeding with caution
10:10you're a big girl
10:12buck and a half or table and yard sales 10-4
10:15over and out
10:16you're a big girl
10:21you know much cares for him does you
10:36i shouldn't have your dirty laundry
10:39good guy who dirks he's a pretty good guy oh he's a great guy there dirks why do you say it like
10:45that huh his name who dirks yeah well i'm gonna say dirks anyway oh sure as he does
10:53say my name
10:54and what's katie's new sweeties name dirks yeah no i hear it you do says it a certain way you
11:08hammered really hard on the d did i
11:09know how daryl's ex-sweetie has a super racy instagram i can't stop loving you well i slid
11:23into your dms and i was like hey you know how you're an instagram model well how would you like
11:28to be a i don't know what the fuck they call a real model see that's what i ended up going with
11:33like a real model like how would you like to be a real model like someone who is actually a real
11:39model yeah like an actual real model so i said how would you like to be an actual real model
11:44for bro dude energy and what'd she say something in french well the only french i know is zut
11:50yeah me too like zut ala what'd you say well i gave her my email address because my email has a
11:56translation option did she email you back buddy she emailed me back bro what did translate to buddy
12:01this message required no translation buddy
12:17honey you sure look at this tall drink a canadian lager lumbering over lumber lager's a choice name for a beer
12:25yeah well katie got a wee bit held up at the border there so thought we'd just schlep her over
12:30schlep her hardly knew her well no one's driving how'd you just like to get into one of these
12:35cocksuckers no time like the present ms mac oh wait no mind if i take your date deep inside
12:44come inside the house with your date no we're not on um okay
12:57see you remember i was telling you mcmurray's got a three to five tabler hells of the spreads you got
13:01here's mcmurray's it's a two knuckler tabling oh it's a good spread as advertised well it's a great
13:07spread what were you expecting honestly should always be honest i thought i was coming over here to see
13:14two three banquet tables and a card table on each end oh no sir but now i come over here and i see
13:20five banquet tables with a card table on each end once you become predictable wayne you become beatable
13:26what are you tabling this year mcmurray oh now look with your eyes not with your hands terry now would
13:31you just look at that top tobacco canada now that is a beautiful piece isn't it a beautiful piece
13:40pertinere mint too oh i can see she's pertinere mint but unfortunately for you pertinere is only good
13:46in horseshoes and lawn darts yep top tobacco canada founded in the early 1900s one of canada's first
13:54distributors of tobacco bet you didn't know that i am impressed with your knowledge wayne mcmurray
14:00mm-hmm what are you gonna need to have out of that oh that's a 50 bill in a day of the week
14:08chief see now that sounds like retail to me look here chief you said yourself it's a beautiful piece
14:14given the condition of it and the historical value attached to it 50 you say mhm mcmurray
14:20what's the absolute best you can do on it well being an avid collector myself waiting i can't
14:29see myself partnering with any less than a 50 note why don't we just don't you bundle a few items
14:34together big dad oh long dick dirks pardon long dicker dirks today tight shirt huge pecs just see if
14:43you can get the price down just a wee bit for him there boo boo kitty fuck keep this thing civil very
14:48civil very square now that is how you dicker you old coon out you can learn something from him wayne
14:59oh he's got a dicker never show up empty-handed broskies i was polite of him i was polite of him
15:06oh yes you're in g and t country now fella very hospitable very hospitable very helpful thank you
15:14uh there's my wife my well-wisher a whole wide world baby is it racist to say that your wife
15:21looks like princess jasmine these are tools that's dirks baby long dong himself
15:31i'm a hugger so you gotta get in here because i'm a hugger
15:34how fucking hugs bunny oh there you go okay all right easy well it's always nice to meet another
15:44hugger don't you give some good hug in there jerks oh he's a good hugger baby no he's a good hugger
15:51okay we're good
15:54i got one for you too dan i came all the way up here to meet you you
15:58fucking gigantic cure for loneliness bring it in all right it's gonna be slightly less intense than
16:03your previous hug okay well it is some good huggins hug life mm-hmm darry and you you must be rosy
16:14then i will be you're the tamedest one didn't you look at you you fucking cowboy you you know broke
16:21back break my heart
16:29where are the lights on the ceiling where they generally are where's the like production team
16:36you are looking at and where's the camera oh we figured we'd just take a selfie but don't worry
16:41we've taken hundreds of thousands tens of thousands we've taken ten thousand selfies
16:48let's recap bro dude energy's hired me for a photo shoot with no camera just this guy
16:57and no lighting still on the ceiling where they generally are and no one from bro dude energy is
17:03even here just us i see two dudes in bro dude hats oh don't worry bro dude has asked us to be
17:15brand ambassadors however first we must prove to them that we can am bass died and once we've proven
17:27that to them we're going straight to the tippity top and guess what we're taking you with us oh boy
17:34i don't see sick johnsy i mean we have this sort of creative vision in mind but first we'd like to ask
17:42what what would you say is like the allure nice buddy what would you say is the biggest part of the
17:52allure to your racy instagram tits tits titties we also thought that was the major factor not the only
18:02factor but dudes love titties dudes love titties boys so with that in mind are you ready to begin
18:12executing our rise as bro dude brand ambassadors and yours yes of course yours is as well
18:18let's ambassadize
18:32i was chopping up a brick while i was
18:44you know
19:06you know
19:12you know
19:18you know
19:26you know
19:30you know
19:32you know
19:34you know
19:36how'd you like to hear this old goat say
19:40some other time
19:42want to see my spread
19:46that's for me
19:48oh i could see it
19:50it's very uh substantial very substantial very specific
19:54my other one
19:56look at you
19:58look at you
20:00you're like a little leo dicaprio or like a
20:02heathen christian bell
20:04or like a
20:06johnny dippity depp mixed in with the last of the mohicans
20:08danny day lewis
20:10and a hint of eddie norton and five club
20:12and a soup saw
20:14jay bourne maddie damon and it's working for me
20:18this is jerks
20:20jerks
20:22hey
20:24sweeter the juice
20:26now
20:28harry ford makes me want to hue dancy
20:30till i get tom
20:32hardy
20:34wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers
20:36oh
20:38hey uh gayler
20:40do you have any of those uh
20:42reading materials
20:44that i uh
20:46dairy wants your pornos cousin
20:48why don't you just say that cousin
20:50ask and you shall receive dairy
20:52late 70s early 80s playboys
20:54more bush
20:56than a christmas tree farm
20:58repent
21:00how's the used books collections gaylers
21:02oh that's my purview this year daniel
21:04church library
21:06so i have some fascinating titles
21:08for bargain basement process
21:10try this one
21:11and really think on it
21:12original modine's glassware
21:14would you take a look at that
21:16that is a beautiful piece
21:18modine's one established in
21:20god does what big debt
21:22modine's one establishment 80s you were saying
21:26you were listening
21:28first drinking establishment in town to have a dance floor
21:30very conducive very conducive very considerate
21:33very crucial
21:35very constructive very cooperative
21:39somebody tie my dick to my leg
21:41gorgeous gail what are you gonna need to have out of that
21:43take him
21:44well thank you
21:45for not giving me the retail price but
21:47seriously what's the absolute best you can do on them
21:50take him take me
21:52i think this is the most fired up i've ever seen her
21:54should we bundle a few items together
21:56i'm surprised we're not bundling a few items together right now
22:00okay daniel it's not a library
22:10scud get that thing ready
22:14go
22:16i think you're going to be pleased
22:19okay
22:20my billet's sister knows photoshop
22:22we dug deep for this one boys
22:24great tet
22:26merci
22:27we've blown up the photo for optimal viewing
22:30can't wait without further ado
22:32can't wait without further ado
22:36okay
22:37i think you're going to have a set of
22:38f
22:39aww sack hammer
22:40alright sack of blue
22:41zutano
22:42baguette
22:43la bibliothèque
22:44bass bounce
22:45oui oui oui
22:46soup de jour
22:47la fonce
22:49okay
22:50do you have the original photo without the tit faces
22:53we do we wanted to show you the entire process
22:56let me see
22:57winter
22:58a star is born great movie terrible song though like why does everyone have to fucking sing now
23:07i'm talking to her name doesn't matter i'd like to offer you and your tits a six-figure bro dude
23:16energy contract what are your thoughts i don't see good you're both fired told you i was taking
23:22numbers and that's strike two you're out no it's three strikes and you're out that's baseball
23:30oh i play soccer baseball rules but i mentioned it oh well ciao
23:36big brother oh you know good and you that's bad big dad derrick's cat and i
23:51cat katie cat what found a couple of guys uptown and from out west to hit up some yard sales
23:58good dudes i might be able to uh point him in the right direction
24:02sweet dick smooth cock it's the dirks which one is which
24:16nice guy eh scott sheldon the canadian pickers what are the odds big brother your mentors in dickering
24:26right here in letter kenny letter kenny ontario irish community following the 1840s potato family
24:33still strong irish roots today beautiful place
24:37welcome to fucking letter kenny thank you boys are in the middle of one of their tours across canada
24:49looking for hidden treasures in people's basement attics and barns just no cameras this time i said
24:56to scott see that fork in the road take it i like that one i laugh at that one every time the show is
25:03just terrific fellas everyone you run into across the country so nice makes a fella proud to be
25:09canadians scott can be a little aggressive dickering but we always leave with a smile on our face
25:16just gotta know how to dicker oh you always got a dicker speaking of dickering that fresh produce
25:21stand there that's a beauty i can see there's a little bird's eye maple and i can smell the cherry
25:30wood from here smells like ontario a shell it's a beauty the wayne what are you gonna need out of it
25:40although she's not for sale but time and materials let's put her at about
25:45it's about 2 500. yikes that sounds like retail to me okay wayne what's the absolute best you can
25:56do for a couple of pickers out of cowardry fellas you know i'd really like to help yous out but
26:02i can't part with it the history's just too important around here if you don't understand where
26:07you came from they'll never understand where you are fair enough but let's say we bundle up some of
26:15this fresh produce and take it with you on your travels how about throw in a couple of cold beers
26:20in the sunshine and you got yourself a deal that's a heck of a deal your terms are acceptable
26:31thank you
26:34where's these guys off to next new lescord penitang petrolia i still can't believe you guys found the
26:41bell that killed jumbo in st thomas allegedly
27:00needing it mind your beeswax it's a beautiful day for hay it's
27:07fucking barley need a hand sorted maybe run the house get dairy actually i got half cut scott and
27:14shell this is an incredibly sexy big dad i know it was a bit of a weird first impression getting to
27:19know me at the strip club very weird very weird very weighty a first impression's a lasting one katie
27:26katie's a big girl when i'm at the rippers that ain't me still having a giggle putting on a show for
27:32the boys really not that kind okay you can trust me cute yeah okay you don't trust me huh the snake
27:38can shed its skin but it's still a snake katie's a girl who knows exactly what she wants so if anything
27:46you ought to have an eye okay and here's the thing and i'm going to tell you if you miss step
27:52you'll have every dude and letter kenny lined up around the block for you won't miss them and i'll be
28:01coming first
28:06guy walks into a bar it's a terrorist behind the bar guy says the terrorist auto vodka on the rocks
28:14terrorist picks up a single ice cube in one hand and says oh you like ice guy says yeah but more than
28:22one piece terror scoops up a handful of ice in the other hand and says oh so you like
28:30isis isis get the fuck out of here
28:44isis isis get the fuck out of here
28:54isis isis get the fuck out of here
28:58isis is
29:08And I'm rolling at a couple of chit-mins
29:14Into the music field
29:18Oh, he keeps his tongue dying
29:29Let him really shine
29:34So I'm not saying that he's a bad guy
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