00:00I want to talk a little bit about how you can benefit by actually setting good boundaries
00:09with people.
00:10I think that's important because when people have a good idea of how they benefit from
00:15boundaries or why it's important to have these boundaries, then they're a little bit
00:18more likely to follow along with them.
00:21So one of the big benefits is just through communication.
00:24Having good boundaries allows you to communicate effectively with people that you're working
00:28with, whether it is with your coworkers or the consumers that you're working with, we
00:34always have to communicate in a way where it's not going to be misunderstood, where you're
00:39not going to offend people, where everybody's going to have a clear understanding of where
00:44you sit.
00:45For instance, with some of our people, the moment that you call them honey or sweetie
00:49or dear, it's like, boom, you got yourself a boyfriend or a girlfriend because they don't
00:53understand the differences.
00:54They don't understand the fact that you're just kind of saying that to be nice and you're
00:57not saying it to be, you misinterpret it.
00:59You're not saying it to mean anything other than, you know, hey, you're just being friendly.
01:03And it kind of goes hand in hand with this one where, you know, we are trying to define
01:08what our relationship is.
01:09By having really good boundaries and communicating well and effectively, you can really define
01:13what your relationship is and, you know, you are consistent with that.
01:17Okay, so for instance, if I'm trying to say to my person that I'm working with, I'm here
01:22as a staff person, I'm here to support you, I'm here to facilitate your life, but I'm not
01:27your friend.
01:28Then everything that I do and everything that I say has to support that.
01:31I can't be like, hey, I'm your staff, but I'm not your friend.
01:35But then I'm giving them my cell phone number and say, call me anytime you want, you know,
01:38or I'll pick you up on a Friday night.
01:40We'll go out and do some fun stuff.
01:41Now, that's really confusing because he says he's not my staff, but he's acting like,
01:45you know, he says he's not my friend, but he's acting like my friend.
01:49And that can be really confusing for a lot of the people that we work with.
01:52So it's really important that our actions and our words back up what we say our relationship
01:58really is.
01:59Does that make sense?
02:00Okay.
02:01The other part is probably one of the most important reasons that people come to a
02:06boundaries class is that is that understanding that if you have good working professional
02:10boundaries, then it's going to help to protect you and it's going to help to protect the
02:16people that you're working with.
02:17And I think that's an important aspect, obviously.
02:19So first of all, if you have really good consistent boundaries, then you're less likely in,
02:26well, first of all, by default, you're not going to do anything that is illegal or inappropriate.
02:30So if you follow everything that I tell you tonight, by default, you're not going to do
02:35anything that's wrong or illegal or inappropriate or creepy or anything like that.
02:39As a matter of fact, if you have good consistent boundaries, then you're less likely to even
02:43be accused of doing something illegal or inappropriate.
02:47For instance, if I never ever bring one of my consumers to my house, then I can't be accused
02:53of doing something illegal or inappropriate with a consumer at my house.
02:57If I always leave that door open when I'm in somebody's room, I'm less likely to be accused
03:02of doing something inappropriate in their room.
03:04And so that's an important aspect.
03:08Second thing is that if I have really good consistent boundaries and someone does, you
03:13know, accuse me of doing something weird or inappropriate, then it's going to be less
03:17likely that other people would actually believe that I did that.
03:20What?
03:21Jason?
03:21I don't know.
03:23That doesn't seem like Jason at all.
03:25You know, he always has good boundaries.
03:26We never have any problems like that with him.
03:28Are you sure he did that?
03:29Whereas if I'm notorious for having really, really poor boundaries, then it's kind of
03:34like, there he goes again.
03:36Why do we even have it?
03:38Why do we even keep him here?
03:39He's a slime ball.
03:41So it's one of those things that you become known sometimes by the boundaries or lack of
03:46boundaries that you have, and people make those assumptions.
03:49And you don't want to have that.
03:51Also, by having really good professional boundaries, you are less likely to get burnt out.
03:56But, anybody who's worked in this field for any amount of time, know the risks that there
04:00are in getting burnt out, you know, especially if you're working with people with challenging
04:04behaviors.
04:05Because a lot of us come in there and we believe that we're going to fix people.
04:08We're going to cure people.
04:09And the fact of the matter is, we all care.
04:12You know, we got a lot of people who just care a lot about people and they want them to
04:16do really well.
04:18But the fact is that despite all of your efforts, despite all of your time, despite everything
04:23that you do, they will still punch you and hit you and kick you and throw things at you
04:27and hurl racial slurs at you.
04:31And that gets pretty defeating if you take it personally.
04:34If you don't have good boundaries, if you don't separate.
04:37So we want our staff taking care of themselves mentally, you know, physically.
04:41The fact is, if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of our people.
04:45So make sure that, you know, you work from 2 o'clock till 10 o'clock or whatever your
04:50shift is, you go home, you recharge.
04:53You know, get hobbies.
04:55You know, if you've got kids, get rid of them.
04:58But it's just one of those things where you just want to make sure that you're just doing
05:03your best.
05:06So it's one of those things where you want to just make sure that you're taking care of
05:09yourself mentally and physically.
05:10And that's a big part of the boundaries issues too.
05:12The other part is, obviously, we're trying to protect our consumers.
05:17With our consumers, you want to make sure that we're not doing anything that are harming
05:23them.
05:24Now, some of the things that I'm going to tell you tonight seem really obvious.
05:27You're going to say, well, duh, Jason, of course I can't have sexual contact with a
05:30consumer.
05:31You think that ever happens?
05:34Yeah, absolutely.
05:35You know, you read about it in the newspapers every once in a while.
05:38You know, and, you know, for every report that's in the newspaper, there's other situations
05:43where, you know, it's just not reported.
05:45It's just not, you know, dealt with.
05:47We just don't hear about it.
05:50And that's unfortunate.
05:52And it's not just, you know, and the thing is, when these people are approached, when these
05:55people are confronted, oftentimes they say, you didn't tell me I couldn't do that.
06:01Really?
06:01You know, because, you know, sometimes this stuff seems like common sense.
06:05Unfortunately, we hire people with common sense deficits sometimes.
06:09It should be diagnosable.
06:10Okay?
06:11But, you know, it's one of those things where we need to sometimes make it really obvious.
06:16I'm the guy.
06:16I'm the guy that they appointed to tell you that this is okay and this is not okay.
06:20All right?
06:21Because if I don't tell you tonight, that means we as a company didn't tell you.
06:25And so some of this stuff, you know, seems like common sense, but that's the way it is.
06:29All right?
06:29Not only are we trying to protect them physically, sexually, but also emotional stuff.
06:35How many of you plan to work with your consumer until the day you die?
06:40Lack of commitment.
06:41No.
06:42Of course not.
06:43You know?
06:43This is a field where people come and go.
06:46It stinks, but people come and go.
06:48And it's bad enough that we lose good staff.
06:51They don't need to lose their best friend, too.
06:54Or something else.
06:56I worked with a young lady once.
06:57She was 18 years old.
06:58And the story was that her mom had abandoned her about four years ago.
07:02And when I was brought in, she had a favorite staff that had been fired about two weeks ago.
07:10And ever since that this favorite staff got fired, she was having really, you know, aggressive, off-the-wall behaviors.
07:16And they were trying to figure out what was going on.
07:18So I was brought in to figure it out.
07:20Okay?
07:20So I go in there and I'm talking with her the first day.
07:23And I'm trying to figure it out.
07:24And I'm talking with her about this staff.
07:26And I didn't quite understand why she was taking it so hard.
07:30I mean, staff get fired every once in a while.
07:33But she was taking it exceptionally hard.
07:35And eventually she says to me, Jason, she said she was going to adopt me.
07:42And I'm sure the staff had compassion and kindness just oozing out of her pores.
07:46But she didn't understand the ramifications of making a statement like, don't worry, sweetheart.
07:50I'm going to adopt you someday and everything's going to be great.
07:52Because now she got fired for having really poor boundaries.
07:58And this poor girl is saying, what about me?
08:02What about me?
08:05Abandoned again.
08:06We can't do that to our people.
Comments