- 8 months ago
Letterkenny Season 5 Episode 1 We Don't Fight at Weddings
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TVTranscript
00:00Hats off to Tannis, boys.
00:19Certainly a great day for them to be.
00:22Yeah, Tannis has outdone herself.
00:25She sure did.
00:26So where is Tannis?
00:30Well, Tannis, the tough gal, homewrecker, rocket, sniper, alpha female, temptress, a bit rough
00:57around the edges.
00:58Tried to lure you into the barn for a round of the bases.
01:02Homewrecking.
01:03Slam.
01:03Crush.
01:04Roll in the hay.
01:05Lay in the biblical sense.
01:07Toe curl.
01:07And the truth is, you kind of wanted to pet heavily.
01:11Wreck your home.
01:12Wreck up a kill.
01:13Score a takedown.
01:14Have the best sex of your life.
01:16Fondle?
01:16Become one.
01:18But you didn't.
01:19Because that's not what a good old boy.
01:21Real man.
01:22Straight shooter.
01:23Team player.
01:24Seriously?
01:24God-fearing gentleman.
01:26Stand-up guy.
01:27Does.
01:28On the contrary, a good old boy.
01:31Real man.
01:32Straight shooter.
01:33Team player.
01:33Pussy.
01:34God-fearing gentleman.
01:36Stand-up guy.
01:37Doesn't cheat.
01:38So while you walk towards the barn for what one would assume was a...
01:42Poke.
01:42Terrible fucking idea.
01:44Easy kill.
01:45Quick mash.
01:46Whatever you're into, baby.
01:48Lustful encounter.
01:50Not a character's undertaken.
01:51You didn't.
01:53You got in a truck, drove over to Rosie's, and...
01:58Now Rosie is a...
02:00Real pretty gal.
02:01So fucking cute.
02:03Ten.
02:03Time.
02:04Book reader.
02:05Goddess.
02:06Fine woman.
02:06You can't be with one woman and have feelings for another.
02:10You're of the opinion that cheaters are...
02:13In the wrong.
02:15Like...
02:1595% in the wrong.
02:18Bad?
02:19Or...
02:20Seduced.
02:21Fair and square.
02:23Antagonized.
02:24Likesly a good person who just made the mistake.
02:26And you shouldn't very well go down that road.
02:30So...
02:31Here's the thing.
02:32Okay, you go.
02:34No, you go.
02:35Okay, I'll go.
02:37I'm gonna move to the city.
02:39You're gonna move to the city?
02:40I'm gonna move to the city.
02:42What city?
02:43Vancouver.
02:44Well, you won't get many random snowy summer nights like this in Vancouver.
02:48Nope.
02:49So what's in Vancouver?
02:51Pitbull rescue.
02:52I'm tired of reading about it every day.
02:55I wanna help.
02:56You're a great fucking gal, Rosie.
02:59You're a great fucking dude, Wayne.
03:01When'll I see ya?
03:02When you see me.
03:04Good enough.
03:05And that's what a get-out-of-jail-free card looks like.
03:08Boy, howdy.
03:10Well, I should say.
03:11Sick, buddy.
03:11Sick, bro.
03:12Can we bang now?
03:14Wondrous.
03:14I likes Monopoly.
03:16So, as for Tannis...
03:18Get after it.
03:19Sure.
03:20Killzone?
03:21Poundtown?
03:21We should be banging right now.
03:23Tannis.
03:24You could do much worse, good buddy.
03:26You and Tannis are gonna give her the old college try.
03:29Good enough.
03:30Good enough.
03:30Good enough.
03:31Good enough.
03:32Good enough.
03:33Good enough.
03:33Good stuff.
03:48Finally.
03:49A non-summer wedding.
03:51I'm smilin'.
03:53Always seems a little bit unfair that summer wedding's gals get to wear a nice breezy summer dress,
03:57and then we're stuck being sweaty and sticky in some three-piece wool suit.
04:02I guess it can get quite ponty's down there.
04:04Yeah, it can get a bit moist.
04:06Nope.
04:07Who do you think's gonna moist the Stanley Cup this year, Katie?
04:09I'm thinking Calgary.
04:10I swear to fucking crazy.
04:12What, do you never see Moistory?
04:13Or Moistory 2 starring Tim Allen and Tom Hanks?
04:16He had your fucking mind?
04:17I will fight you.
04:19We don't fight at weddings.
04:22So, Derry, are you gonna be wearing your dad's suit?
04:24The falling timbers make tambours.
04:26Who the fuck are you?
04:27Yes, Katie.
04:28I got it for a grade 13 semi-formal from the Larry Kinney Op Shop.
04:32Loves the Op Shops.
04:33I'll take the Sally Ann.
04:35You wanna what?
04:35That suit is so dead, the last time you wore it, it told me the Dire Straits were the greatest
04:41band of all time.
04:42That suit is so dead, it ate all the lunch meat on the way home from the grocery store.
04:47That suit is so dead, it owns a VHS copy of the Hunts for Red October.
04:50Say, Dan, you gonna cold rock a kilt?
04:53Like my grandpa's and his grandpa's before him.
04:56A little class, a little sass, and a lot of ass.
04:58All in one parton's garments.
05:00Wayne, I assume you'll be wearing one of only two suits that you own?
05:04Two will do you.
05:05One for weddings, one for funerals.
05:07A good suit will last you the rest of your life if you take care of it.
05:11What would you wear for a court appearance?
05:12I'd never been arrested.
05:14What would you wear to a job interview?
05:15Only ever had one job.
05:16What would you wear to a bar mitzvah?
05:18Not Jewish.
05:19Bat mitzvahs?
05:20Still not Jewish.
05:21Graham's from the city, so there's gonna be a lot of city-its at this center.
05:27Fucking hate city-its.
05:29They're always going on about how we're saying,
05:31fucking mudding in our fucking Hemis.
05:36Fucking riding our sleds down to a fucking pit party bod.
05:40Giving her tits.
05:42I was climbing the ladder up the haymow behind your brother and ripped a fart that sounded like a creaky door opening inside a hot air balloon.
05:51But we do not fight at weddings.
05:56No.
05:58But you can't get laid if you're keen to.
06:01Sexy just wafts around at weddings.
06:03Plenty of opportunities for people looking to do some yesin'.
06:07A little bit of wedding spreading.
06:09A little bit of matrimonies and hide the balonies.
06:12Oh sure, maybe some exchanging her rings and rubbing her things.
06:15Clear eyes.
06:17Full Windsors.
06:18Can't lose.
06:21Can't lose.
06:48Oh my hair, hey girl.
06:52You know what I see you.
06:55You've got my heart in the street and you're talking this sweet love.
07:01Oh my hair, hey girl.
07:04Now tell me how I know you.
07:08They said if you like dance and I like dance and let's do it.
07:13Oh my hair, hey girl.
07:18Now tell me what I see you.
07:22If I can sure in the world.
07:25You'll be like dancing.
07:28Okay.
07:29I'll be like dancing.
07:29Oh my hair, hey girl.
07:31Now tell me what I see you.
07:363
07:37A tough day for a while.
07:40I like dance and I feel like dance, even though you are at work.
07:44No doubt.
07:45But I guess that's怒ling.
08:17What that must be like?
08:18What? Getting hitched?
08:20You know, being into dudes, I've got so many questions.
08:24Yeah, now I want to hear exactly zero of them.
08:26Okay, so like, what if you're attracted to somebody with the same name as you?
08:31Is it like, I'm fun?
08:34Or is it fucking weird?
08:35You'd be fucking weird.
08:36Quite lightly.
08:37That's never happened to me.
08:39I guess the closest I ever came to it was almost doing it with a gal named Cheryl.
08:43Yeah, I suppose it would kind of be like the time I almost hooked up with a gal who had the same names as my grandma's.
08:49Oh, that'd be fucking off-putting.
08:51It was.
08:52It was distracting at inappropriate times.
08:56With...
08:57Ruth.
08:58Oh, it was just a goddamn way I could do it with a Katie.
09:01Ew.
09:02Or a Kate.
09:03Or a Caitlin.
09:04I guess Catherine and you've been walking the line.
09:07There's no way I could do it with a Wayne.
09:08Ew.
09:09Unless it was Gretzky.
09:11Or Rothstad.
09:13Or a Newton.
09:14Hmm.
09:15Hey!
09:15I'd bow to the great one.
09:19It's not bend right over.
09:20I'd let Gretz get in my office behind the net if I'm almost doing it.
09:24I'd be as Yari Curry in a fucking hurry just feeding him all night long.
09:27Promise a mess I wouldn't do it.
09:29I just promised a mess.
09:30I'd let Gretz leave my ass seriously and make sorely.
09:34I'd let that lady, Bing Lady, bang me.
09:36That's 69 with 99 into overtime.
09:38I'd just straight up let them 99 me.
09:40Anywho.
09:41Uh, what's a 99?
09:43It's just fucking wall-spooning.
09:47Uh-huh.
09:50All right, boys.
09:52Show me what you can do with a cock.
09:55Hey.
09:56Hail.
09:57Hail!
10:03Oh, g'day, lads.
10:05Did you ride your fucking sleds here?
10:07Oh, were you fucking matting her?
10:09Was she a cherry ride?
10:11Like, holy fuck.
10:12She's about to get hurt on the fucking rhubarb.
10:14You was just gonna stand there rubbing your packers or what?
10:17Oh, she's fucking tits, eh?
10:19Did you give her beans, bud?
10:20Did you give her boots, bud?
10:22Did you give her fucking torque?
10:24Want to get fucking smoked?
10:25Or are you taking her easy?
10:27If she's easy, take her twice, bud.
10:29I will call you Tony two times.
10:31Let's do her manure.
10:33Isn't this the part where you...
10:42We don't fight at weddings.
10:44Those citys can fucking tie their dicks in a knot.
10:48Hey, who pisses up a rope?
10:49Gretzky, Rostad, and Newton for Katie.
10:55I'm surprised Lil Wayne didn't make the cut.
11:03Great dress, bunny.
11:05Thanks, op shop.
11:07You look like the girl that punched my V ticket.
11:13What's your nationality?
11:15You ever seen the back seat of a BMW X3?
11:19You should be honored.
11:20My buddy here only fucks tens.
11:22Only tens.
11:23Right in the X?
11:24Seriously.
11:25Come outside.
11:26I'll show you the three.
11:28It's actually the exact same as the five.
11:30X-Men.
11:32BMW.
11:32I'm just way better on gas.
11:36Live in the way.
11:40Sir, I know you're the world's foremost,
11:43every, every player selector.
11:44But this is a wedding,
11:46and I promised the grooms we'd play songs like
11:48Brown Eyed Girl, and Shout, and Lean On Me,
11:51and Ain't No Mountain High Enough,
11:53and Mambo No. 5.
11:54You guys got the chicken hands for you to play yet?
11:57I fucking love that song, I tell you.
11:59I put it on in the barn for the cluckers
12:01and them pecker-faced bastards ain't dropping eggs.
12:03I just looked.
12:04Are you being facetious?
12:06Ah.
12:07Can your vestigial minds even comprehend
12:08the derogatory nature of your requests?
12:11Well, maybe you could compromise,
12:12do something cool like
12:13we juggle the chicken dance.
12:15Here.
12:15Enough.
12:20DJing is an art form.
12:23A medium in which the most prolific audio auteurs
12:25of our time can speak through.
12:28A deep connection of the soul of yourself,
12:30and the gyrating asses of the great unwashed
12:33who eagerly thirst for your deafening compositions.
12:37A lot gyrating asses,
12:39but I'm pretty sure it ain't art there, bud.
12:40Yeah, wouldn't you have to have written the songs yourself
12:42for it to be art?
12:43I'm sorry, a composed?
12:45I think the word is produced.
12:47Right, or at least didn't download off the internet
12:50so that you can profit off of.
12:51Yeah, you're more like an art dealer than an artist.
12:54Like an art gallery curator.
12:57Selling stolen paint.
12:59Then you print it off the internet.
13:00Whoa!
13:05If you do not fall back
13:06and fasten that lip
13:09to your other,
13:12thinner lip,
13:14I will turn this elegant soigné ceremony
13:17of the coming together of two bonded souls
13:20into a straight-up blood ray.
13:24Hey, over here.
13:27Chicken dance.
13:29Good game, you fucking muties.
13:47Way to tape your sticks together, boys.
13:49You two make a hot tea pairing.
13:51Five-minute major
13:52and a lifetime misconduct for Bud Ending.
13:54You boys enjoying yourselves?
13:56Acting single.
13:57See you in double.
13:57Drinking triples.
13:58Daxi, I gotta say,
14:05solid work on the Big City Slam prospects, biddy.
14:08All the Big City Slam scouting, Daxi.
14:11Boys, the little players are only here.
14:14You're not pulling tonight.
14:16Yes, we are.
14:17These are modern city gals.
14:19None of them have any interest in hockey player types.
14:22Boys, big muscles haven't been popular with the ladies
14:25since Jersey Shore.
14:27I mean, the only way to get any attention
14:28from the cosmopolitan college gal types
14:31is to get in touch with your inner twink.
14:34You need to be less power forward
14:35and more power bottom.
14:37We will get our wedding stylist to help them out.
14:40Yes.
14:41So we need to spruce up our look?
14:47No.
14:50You've got to bruce up your look.
14:52So Professor Tricia says that Leiter Kenny's development
14:57sprites the homosexuals.
14:58Even we can likely expect surprise parades next week.
15:02You know why I've never been to a pride parade.
15:04What's it like?
15:05It's like a Santa Claus parade,
15:06except instead of handing out candy,
15:08they hand out condoms.
15:10You should probably start thinking about a name right now.
15:12Great day for gay.
15:12A Hard Gaze Night
15:14Eyes Pride Shut
15:15Pride Grange Meadow
15:16Pride of Chucky
15:17Independence Gay
15:19Ferris Bueller Gets Off
15:21Star Wars Vogue One
15:23The Princess Pride
15:24Pride of Frankenstein
15:26Pride and Ghost Seeks
15:27Carlito's Gay
15:29Night of the Giving Head
15:30Lay Anything
15:31Final Mantacy
15:33Third Cock from the Sun
15:34How Fela got his groove packed
15:36The Gay the Earth Stood Still
15:39Eat Gay Love
15:40Dr. Strangelove
15:42or how I learned to stop worrying
15:43and love the bums
15:44Bonnie and Pride
15:46Oh
15:47Bonnie McMurray
15:49You boys try the catering yet?
15:52I am chomping at the bit
15:53to get one of those cupcakes
15:54Lots to be impolite, Barry
15:57but it's actually
15:58champing at the bits
15:59Oh, you got those bits
16:01ready for your fucking ponies?
16:03How many ponies you got under your hood?
16:05You got a frigging hemi under there?
16:07How many CCAs is your sled?
16:08Do you fucking pin her when you get pickled there, Ben?
16:11Oh, I really fucking gaved her last night
16:14Working hard or hardly working?
16:22What happened to the part where
16:24We don't fight at weddings?
16:27I'm gonna piss
16:28I'll come with you
16:29Yeah, same
16:30Okay, let's go
16:31My cocky lips now
16:37Three ducks
16:38What's up, ladies?
16:51What is your nationality?
16:53Grow up around here?
16:54Have any tattoos?
16:55I got a Celtic symbol on my calf
16:58I got a Nike swoosh
16:59right above my heart
17:00I got you a drink
17:01I swear it's not, Rufy
17:03Yes, it is
17:06Of course it is
17:07Hey, that's a real nice dress
17:08Look a lot nicer
17:09from my hotel room floor
17:10You ever see the front seat
17:12of a Honda del Sol?
17:13I'll have a role
17:14in your hand today
17:15We don't fight at weddings
17:18I got a Harman cardinal system
17:20And this is three
17:21Thanks
17:22BN motherfucking W, baby
17:25It's actually way better than both
17:27Dickskin
17:42Dickens
17:43Fellas, a list of my requests
17:49to be played
17:49Back, two, back, two, three, four
17:50Well, we can have five songs
17:51More requests?
17:53How dare thou come into my private roast
17:56of penetrating beats
17:57with an audacious act
17:58of social and musical dreams
18:01Every single one of these
18:03is a Brooks and Dunn song
18:04Starting with the boot scootin' boogie
18:06I didn't realize they had other songs
18:08Of all the boogies
18:08the boot scootin' is the last one
18:10I would and will ever
18:11torture myself or others with
18:13I'll give you a boot scootin'
18:15What about Blame it on the Boogie
18:16by the Jackson 5?
18:18Boogie, boogie, boogie
18:18a taste of honey
18:19Boots scootin'
18:20A Boogie Wonderland
18:21by Earthwind and Fire?
18:22Elton John's Sweet Boogie
18:23This wedding needs a boogie
18:24and it's gonna be a boot scootin'
18:26Born to Boogie T-Rex
18:27Boogie, boogie, woo
18:28and St. Tom Posse
18:29Zip, gun, boogie
18:30T-Rex again
18:31Take the damn boogie
18:32and make it a boot scootin'
18:34I am your boogie man
18:35Can you see in the sunshine band?
18:36I am your boogie man
18:37A white zombie
18:38I hoped it wouldn't come to blows
18:41over a boogie
18:42But I'll bet him
18:44well go to blows
18:46for the boot scootin', boogie
18:48Man
18:53It's not happening, dickskin
18:54Dickens!
18:59My guy
18:59My guy
19:01I got the chicken dance
19:02when no one got it at the other
19:03except clearing a track
19:04You play it now
19:06or you play it later
19:06Either way you're gonna play it
19:08real dark
19:08What's with the super soft glassware, boys?
19:19What's with your hair?
19:21Oh, we're scouting
19:22big city slam prospects
19:24don't want to risk
19:24putting a big goose egg up on the board
19:27I'm a fan on a yawning cage, buddy
19:29So we bruised up our looks
19:32What does that mean?
19:35Don't worry about it
19:36Don't worry about it, yeah
19:36How's that going for you?
19:39Uh, it's good
19:40We got bites
19:41Yeah
19:42Well, we got like
19:44eight, eight bites
19:45They were 50, though
19:47Yeah, further
19:48further
19:49I took down an old lady once
19:51It was kind of fun
19:52It got kind of weird
19:55Why?
19:55I laughed
19:56because she made a pizza
19:57Sick, buddy
19:59She heard a pizza
20:00I made a pizza
20:02from scratch, buddy
20:04I had to sit and talk
20:06while she made
20:09a pizza
20:10You two look like dandies
20:12You look like pansies
20:14You know, the landscape
20:15might be changing
20:15but manly men
20:17never go out of style
20:18Hey ladies
20:21Ugh
20:29I can't drink this shit anymore
20:31What am I, a ballerina
20:32trying to get skinny?
20:34I'm gonna get some
20:35right, boo
20:35Cheers
20:37Katie got hit on
20:44by a top hat guy
20:45A top hat
20:46A guy in a top hat
20:48Yeah, I'd rather take down
20:50a idiot than a guy
20:51in a top hat
20:52Oh, I don't know
20:53Miss Katie
20:54Some man looks like
20:55Stately's in a top hat
20:56Scrooge VickDoc
20:58comes to mind
20:59Mr. Peanut
21:00Slash
21:01A guy from T-Rex
21:02Abe Lincoln
21:03Uncle Benny Bags
21:04from Monopoly
21:05Willy Wonkas
21:06The Cat in the Hat
21:07A guy from T-Rex again
21:09Oh, hey there, Buds
21:12Is she Emmanuel
21:13who driving a bitch sick?
21:15You like Bud Light?
21:16You like buttholes
21:17around here
21:18Oh, did you get your
21:19pecker stuck in a bottle
21:20of brew?
21:21Where's your sweetie Bud
21:23to leave it here John
21:24and your John Deere
21:25Where's your John Queer
21:27Bud
21:28A frog from Looney Tunes
21:37and only dances
21:37when nobody's around
21:38Who the heck
21:39a frog that guy
21:40I'm fucking irritated
21:42We don't fight at weddings
21:43Right
21:44We don't fight
21:47at weddings
21:49and poor
21:51I'll run out
21:53Hello, ladies
21:57Maybe we interest you
21:59in a shot of sourpuss
22:01Perhaps a half glass
22:02of white zinc
22:03And have you looked
22:04at any interesting
22:05furniture lately?
22:06I admire his eye
22:08for into a designer
22:09What are you two
22:10going on about?
22:11You're really missing
22:11the mark
22:12You know,
22:13metrosexuality
22:14went out of style
22:15with Von Dutch
22:16and chingy
22:17We're into men
22:18Classic men
22:20Athletic types
22:21You don't look like
22:22you could fix my car
22:23You don't look like
22:24you could fix
22:24a sliding screen door
22:26What?
22:27What?
22:28We're hockey players
22:30We're the
22:32Snipe Sully boys
22:33Dirty fucking
22:34dangles boys
22:35What are you guys
22:36going on about now?
22:37Now you're just
22:38being posers
22:38It's pretty pathetic
22:40Even if you were
22:41hockey players
22:42We're not puck pennies
22:43We're lacrosse to pits
22:46I don't eat
22:50I drink
22:51I drink beer
22:52Why?
22:52Where are you guys
23:14staying tonight?
23:15There's only one more time
23:17in this shit hole
23:17so that one
23:18I've never ridden
23:20in a BMW X3
23:21before
23:22What about
23:23a
23:23BMW X3
23:25with the luxury
23:26leather package
23:26She just said
23:28she'd never ridden
23:28one of you yet
23:29Take me home
23:32Ladies and gentlemen
23:37The song
23:40for the first dance
23:41chosen by
23:42The grooms
23:46I can't wait
23:51I can't wait to take
23:52sauce from you
23:53and slot
23:54from now
23:54until the horn blows
23:55at the end
23:56of quadruple
23:57overtime
23:57Playoff rules
23:58nice
23:59There was always
24:01helping but
24:01Take the tender tonight
24:03out of six men
24:04You know what I'm
24:05talking about
24:05As long as he can
24:06bury
24:06And we'll find a hole
24:07He can slip one
24:09to us
24:09Let's do this
24:10What's up here
24:11What's up here
24:12What's up here
24:16What's up here
24:17I can't wait
24:18I can't wait
24:18And we'll find a
24:18way to
24:20go
24:22to the end
24:24Suckin' all my titties like you wanted me
24:49Callin' me all the time that blondie
24:51Check out my Chrissy behind, it's fine all of the time
24:55Like sex on the peaches
24:57What else is in the teachers of peaches?
25:01Huh, what?
25:12Suckin' all my titties like you wanted me
25:15Callin' me all the time that blondie
25:17Check out my Chrissy behind, it's fine all of the time
25:21What else is in the teachers of peaches?
25:25Like sex on the peaches
25:27Huh, what?
25:29Huh, right?
25:33What?
25:35Huh, huh
25:39What?
25:41Right?
25:43Huh
25:45Fuck the pain away
25:51Fuck the pain away
25:53Fuck the pain away
26:01Fuck the pain away
26:09Fuck the pain away
26:39Fuck the pain away
27:09Fuck the pain away
27:14S-I-S
27:17I-U-D
27:19Stay in school
27:21Cause it's the best
27:23I-U-D
27:25S-I-S
27:28Stay in school
27:30Cause it's the best
27:32I-U-D
27:34S-I-S
27:36Stay in school
27:38Cause it's the best
27:41I-U-D
27:43S-I-S
27:45Stay in school
27:47Cause it's the best
27:50Stuck in all my titties
27:52Like you wanna be
27:53Calling me all the time
27:55Like Lonnie
27:56Check out my Chrissy
27:57Behind his phone
27:58I-U-D
27:59He was looking for trouble?
28:00He was looking for trouble?
28:01He was looking for trouble?
28:02So what if we are?
28:03We don't plan at weddings
28:04Wouldn't dream of it, bud
28:06Fuck the pain away
28:09Fuck the pain away
28:11Fuck the pain away
28:14Fuck the pain away
28:16Fuck the pain away
28:18Fuck the pain away
28:20Fuck the pain away
28:23Fuck the pain away
28:25Fuck the pain away
28:27Fuck the pain away
28:39Fuck the pain away
28:45All world
28:49Right on
28:51Oh, what, right, oh
29:00What else is in the teachers' features
29:08And sick from the beaches
29:10What, right, oh
29:14Fuck the pain away
29:31Fuck the pain away
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