Robot Chicken Season 1 Episode 1 Robot Chicken Christmas Special

iCarly

Transcript

00:00Wooo!

00:12It's time!

00:30Dad, could you kick an angel's ass?

00:44You're damn right I could.

00:46Is that Santa on the roof?

00:48Well, if not, I got a present for him.

00:52Santa! Santa!

00:53Oh, my mother...

00:55Motherf**k! Knee!

00:57Oh, f**k!

00:59S**t!

01:00Oh, f**k!

01:01F**k it all to hell, that hurts like a mother f**k!

01:06Dad, what's a...

01:07Ha...

01:08Huh...

01:09Uh, so, uh, Santa, what happened?

01:12Bandits, Goku!

01:13They stole my reindeer!

01:16And all the presents!

01:18And my pants!

01:21Ha ha ha ha! Christmas is ours!

01:23You'll never get away with this!

01:25Ho ho ho!

01:26I've got five good reasons for you to shut up!

01:30One, two, three, four, five!

01:34Dad, who are those guys?

01:36Kung Fu legends!

01:39That's the little drummer boy, whose mystical drum conjures demons most foul.

01:45The nutcracker, who knows over 100 different testicle-based attacks.

01:51And composite Santa Claus, who looks like one half Santa and one half Frosty the Snowman.

01:59What are composite Santa's powers?

02:01I don't know, but he freaks me right the f**k out!

02:05I will conjure a demon with my magical drum!

02:12Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

02:14Holy s**t!

02:15I'll get this one, Dad!

02:19You're not so tough!

02:20TESTICLE ATTACK NUMBER 49!

02:24TESTICLE ATTACK NUMBER 49!

02:26TESTICLE ATTACK NUMBER 49!

02:30Holy s**t!

02:39Holy s**t!

02:42I'll get this one, Dad!

02:44You're not so tough!

02:46TESTICLE ATTACK NUMBER 49!

02:49Ow!

02:50My Dragon Ball!

02:55Okay, I got nothing.

03:09Oh!

03:10Temperatures over 32 degrees Fahrenheit!

03:13My only weakness!

03:17We did it!

03:19Fools!

03:20Mrs. Santa?

03:22That's right!

03:23The mastermind behind this evil attack on Christmas is me!

03:30Why?

03:31It all started at the North Pole.

03:34I started getting terrible headaches.

03:37Mrs. Claus, are you okay?

03:42At first, I thought it was merely my period.

03:45But that was not the case, as I hit menopause centuries ago.

03:53Polar radiation forced an evolutionary change in me.

04:00Now, I want revenge.

04:03Holy niglar!

04:18Yeah!

04:19Go ahead, and I need a minute to rest.

04:21It's up to you for now.

04:23I think one of them popped.

04:25It's payback time.

04:27Let's beat her up so bad, her kids will inherit the bruises.

04:31Yeah, we'll hit her so hard, she'll starve to death rolling.

04:35She's so ugly, we'll push your face and go and make gorilla biscuits.

04:40She's so black, when she go to night school, teacher mark her absence.

04:44That's, that's, that's still my wife, guys.

04:47Gail!

04:53Your nose shoots lasers?

04:56You didn't think there was a reason it glows red?

04:59What is your shoe?

05:01Ew!

05:02To think I wanted to play your games.

05:12She's grown too gigantic and unstable.

05:16Women, my right fellas.

05:23The Tenka Ichibudokai is finally complete.

05:29What the f**k are you talking about?

05:33Was that even English?

05:34What happened to my wife?

05:38This is the last time I bring presents to Japan.

05:41Bring out your dad!

05:51December 24th, 4.30pm.

05:55Christmas Eve.

05:57A time for joyous celebration.

06:00A time for gift giving.

06:03For peace and love.

06:05A time for murder.

06:07It was the Christmas that made everyone cry.

06:13Except for maybe the Jews.

06:28But when the evidence pointed to murder, the question on everyone's mind became, who killed Christmas?

06:34Perhaps no one can shed light on this mystery more than Martha Claus, the victim's wife of 43 years.

06:47We stayed together mostly due to licensing issues.

06:51I doubt he would have gotten any sponsorship deals if he were a divorced single man living with a bunch of elves.

06:58They'd think he was gay.

07:00Crushed by grief, the widow Claus has kept a low profile since the murder.

07:06But not always warmth and love at the North Pole.

07:10Deep inside Santa's fabled workshop, discontent had begun to spread among the androgynous elven workforce.

07:18It was all about the coke, man.

07:21Santa had us elves hide the blow and the crappy wooden toys.

07:27Then he'd make the drop.

07:36And the sale was complete.

07:38He tried using some different ways to sneak the product in.

07:47You ever see a Yeti when a dozen condoms of coke burst in his belly?

08:05It's a bad scene, man.

08:08Were the allegations true?

08:10Santa Claus, an international drug peddler?

08:14Drugs?

08:15Yeah, that wasn't no secret.

08:17But I'll tell you what the fat man's real problem was when some of the shipments started turning up a little light.

08:23You follow me?

08:24Somebody started having a little private party.

08:27You know what I'm saying?

08:28I think you do.

08:29As for who?

08:30Well, you ever wonder how his nose got so red?

08:35Punishment was swift for anyone who dared cross the moss.

08:39Happy birthday!

08:40Happy birthday!

08:41For anyone caught being naughty at the North Pole.

08:46Happy birthday, North Pole!

08:48Happy birthday, North Pole!

08:49Happy birthday, North Pole!

08:50Happy birthday, North Pole!

08:51Happy birthday, North Pole!

08:56Who killed Santa Claus?

08:58A neglected housewife?

09:00Columbian drug runners?

09:03Some retard snowman?

09:06We may never know who killed Santa Claus.

09:10But whoever did is still out there.

09:12Watching.

09:13Waiting.

09:14Who's next?

09:16The Easter Bunny?

09:18Cupid?

09:19That lucky charm cereal guy?

09:22Who's to say?

09:24But when it does happen,

09:26Unsolved Case Files will be there to make a buck.

09:30Next time on Unsolved Case Files,

09:33The Taco Bell Chihuahua's castration.

09:37Simple neutering or hate crime?

09:40Yo quiero my nuts!

09:42Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man!

09:50Verily I say unto you that one of you shall betray me.

09:54Judas!

09:57That is a cheap shot!

10:00Oh, lucky for you, I'm gonna turn the other...

10:06Hey, hey, hey!

10:07That's my flesh you're throwing there!

10:24Where's the buddy?

10:36Wiggle your big toe.

10:41Great.

10:42I am Jesus, you know.

10:45I am Jesus, you know.

10:49Dilsimono!

10:52Huyah!

10:54Huyah!

10:55Huyah!

11:00Huyah!

11:01Huyah!

11:02Huyah!

11:03Huyah!

11:04Huyah!

11:05Huyah!

11:06Huyah!

11:07Huyah!

11:08Huyah!

11:09Huyah!

11:10Huyah!

11:27It's what I do.

11:57You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?

12:06For a second there?

12:08Yeah, I kinda did.

12:27You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?

12:43You didn't think it would be that easy.

12:49Stupid monkey.

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