- 9 months ago
Letterkenny Season 3 Episode 1 Sled Shack
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TVTranscript
00:00all right after autumn ask anyone around the area about accuracy arctic activities are abundant
00:11astonishing astounding and a1 on all accounts back up but before beach bodies bros better
00:17bundle up in boots blankets and balaclavas because a bloody bitter breeze will blow brisk
00:22blustery and bleak careful correct and common to cocoon in a cap coat and comforter because
00:28a cutting cold can consume your character occasionally create a corpse and continually
00:32compress your cock don't don't you dare dawdle dilly dally your dick around after dark in
00:37december she's definitely damn drafty if you're down a duvet easily each and every earthlings
00:42environmentally enslaved fact it's freezing it's friggin frigid you're fit for flu in february
00:49without fleece flannel full-fledged furnace or fire go on the goddamn glacial go grab gloves or garb and
00:55gear up for gusts hear you hypothermia if you don't heat your home to half hellish it's harsh
01:01hibernate in a hoodie hot chocolate harry and the henderson infinitely icy inhabit indoors isolated
01:08and insulated incubate the igloo illness is an issue influenza's implied infections imminent
01:15immunity is impossible
01:20just joking ah just josh and jargon it ain't jail jackets and january's no jigsaw keep calm killjoys
01:31keep comfy in their kingdom crushing kilos of kleenex keen for cozy kayaking with their kids when
01:36the key is killing kegs with your kin literally losers live life locked in their lairs lingering
01:42lazy and lifeless lost like legit loners while the leaders and larger learned let loose
01:48muffs earmuffs mittens and mucus medicines mighty maniacal mother nature makes milder mellower and
01:54meltier moves motivate your mates like the moose mark messier maybe mix a martini for your maiden if
02:00you bet your match nature naturally nephew but that's nothing new up north normal naturistic narrative
02:06not national news overcast overcoats and overshoes obviously polar parkas and pullovers particularly
02:14tried quail a quantity of quality quilts is quaint and quasi quintessential to avoid quivering and
02:20quash quarreling of quarantine to one's quarters try quail reindeer well not raw rookie in a rosemary
02:26rub roast with radish wrapped in rich rare bacon after removing rudolph's red nose so we're sound sleds
02:33a synonym for snowmobiles snowmobiles a synonym for sled so a sled is a snowmobile a snowmobile is a sled
02:40super
02:50terrific trust a traditional turtleneck to maintain a toasty temperature over time ugly useful vile
02:57valuable whatever white outs and wind chills walk it off whiners withdraw whimpering and wake up
03:03wankers wrathful wicked weather wear woolens or waterproof wardrobe warm your wet work wear by the
03:09wood stove winter is wonderful wild and wide exactly exceptionally yep yeah zero degrees well sub-zero but
03:20ah zippin
03:30you
03:50I don't know.
04:20I don't know.
04:50I don't know.
05:20I don't know.
05:51How are you now?
05:52Please don't talk to me like a fucking hick.
05:53That's bad.
05:54Are you serious with that fucking turtleneck?
05:56You lose a lot of heat in the neck.
05:57I'm okay if that's what you're asking.
05:59That's what I'm asking.
06:00I wasn't ready to have a kid.
06:02Well, that is your choice to make.
06:03Goddamn right it's my choice.
06:05Sure it is.
06:06I'm glad I took care of it.
06:07Well, that is your right.
06:08Goddamn right it's my right.
06:10I'm not even sure if it was yours, but thank you.
06:13Thanks for the smokes and pepperettes.
06:16I'll see you when I see you, boo.
06:18Over and out.
06:19You got the cold there, Darius?
06:35Mmm, just cough.
06:36Well, he knows what this is.
06:38If you don't take care of a cold, so stay for seven days.
06:41If you take care of it, you'll be gone in a week.
06:42Yep, we can't promise summers, but we'll guarantee's winters.
06:46Are you fucking serious with that turtleneck?
06:48I thought you'd lose a lot of heat in the neck.
06:50Jivin' Pete says he pulled some pikes out of here yesterday.
06:52I heard Jivin's been hanging out with some DJs from upcountry.
06:57He's a decent guy, but ain't no way he pulled no pike out of here yesterday.
07:01Says he pulls a pikes, a perch, a wall's eyes, and a trout.
07:05Is that a brook trout?
07:07No, that'd be a lake trout.
07:08Why's that?
07:08It's around a fucking lake, Darius.
07:11I'm hungry.
07:13There's whitefish in the cooler.
07:15How the fuck did that get there?
07:17Well, I pulled it out of here before yous got here.
07:18No, you never.
07:19Did, too.
07:19No, you never.
07:20Did, too?
07:21No, you never.
07:22If you did, you'd still be talking about it.
07:23Oh, yeah?
07:24Well, where'd it come from, then?
07:25Well, you brought it from home, likely.
07:27Well, if nothing's even to cook sit on, anyways.
07:30You're gonna let that stop you?
07:31What do you mean?
07:32Haven't you ever heard of sashimis?
07:34Sashimis?
07:35Oh, I got time for sashimis.
07:37What about sushis?
07:39Sushis?
07:39Oh, I got so much time for sushis.
07:42Yeah.
07:43Just pull it out, hack it up, down the hatch.
07:45No, no, I...
07:47I knows what it is.
07:48I just...
07:50I just don't think he needs to put an S on the ends of that word.
07:54Hey, Darius, you ever had sushis with frimps?
07:56Yeah.
07:57You ever had sushis with enogis?
07:59Yeah.
08:00That's eels.
08:01Oh, I know that's eels.
08:02I just...
08:04I'm pretty sure you don't need zaness to pluralize those words.
08:09Hey, Darius, you ever had sashimis with salmons?
08:11Oh, yeah.
08:12You ever had sashimis with tunas?
08:13Yeah.
08:14With wasabis?
08:15Oh, yeah.
08:15I love wasabis.
08:17I like wasabis, too.
08:18If I asked you politely to stop this, what'd you do with it?
08:21Oh, you can have yellowfin tunas, bluefin tunas.
08:25I think tunas make the best sashimis.
08:27I think some having a panic attack.
08:29Well, the Japanese call the bluefin tunas maguro tunas.
08:32Those are kind of like the default tunas that they use in sushis.
08:35Yeah, but Toro is the more expensive tunas, but it makes the best sashimis.
08:39Oh, it's way better than salmons.
08:41Hey!
08:44When's Katie's getting back from the cities?
08:46Oh, she'll come back when she's good and ready.
08:48She'll figure it out.
08:49I figured she'd be back for sledding season.
08:51Oh, Katie loves sledding.
08:57Did it chop your ass at all that there's only one shackle on the sled trail there, Katie?
09:01Well, it doesn't chop my ass, but I guess there could be another stop along the trail for a social.
09:06Yeah, like, it doesn't chop my ass either, but I'm just saying that sledding and socials go together like piss and a fart.
09:11Yeah.
09:12I guess there could be another stop along the trail for a social.
09:16Could be another stop along the trail for a dart.
09:17Well, it's a great spot for a darty party.
09:20So we're making a shack?
09:21I'm surprised we're not building a new shack right now.
09:24That's what I'm saying.
09:24I figure it's about time we stop talking about it.
09:27Or be in about it.
09:28Oh, we could just throw up the structure and get all the materials paid off selling $2 cans.
09:33$2 socials?
09:34Yeah, we could sell whitefish sashimis, help expedite the process.
09:38Oh, we could get real stinky and sell perch and walleye sushis.
09:43Hey!
09:46Walleye.
09:47And whitefish, perch, and whitefish are not juicy or chasini-gray.
10:02Well, yeah, I guess you'd have to do pot to accomplish that sort of appetite.
10:25It says you.
10:31Pre-game Sandoz.
10:32Check, buddy.
10:33Pre-game nappies.
10:34Check, bro.
10:35Don Cherry's Rock'em Sock'em Six for motivation.
10:38Don Cherry's Rock'em Sock'em Six.
10:40Child attorney for game situation visualization.
10:43Second child attorney for peak performance imagery.
10:46Pre-game dump.
10:47No pre-game dump.
10:49No pre-game cruncher.
10:50No pre-game do-ser.
10:52Better go to drop a hot bomb.
10:54Better go release a chocolate hostage.
10:56Better bust a grumpy.
10:57Better go call on a code brown.
10:58Better go boost one.
11:00Eat, sleep, boost.
11:01Caffeine.
11:02Check.
11:03Creatine.
11:03Check.
11:04Living the dream.
11:05Hold my spitter.
11:10Hold my spitter.
11:20Lord, fake shit on board.
11:35Following my dream.
11:36Now it got me on tour.
11:37Hitting high notes.
11:38Yeah, I think I suck a chord.
11:40I spread my wings and soar.
11:42I lived your dream, Lord.
11:44Fake shit on board.
11:45Following my dream.
11:46Now it got me on tour.
11:48Hitting high notes.
11:49Should I think I suck a chord?
11:50I spread my wings and soar.
11:53I lived your dream.
12:03I lived your dream.
12:14I lived your dream.
12:16I lived your dream.
12:17I lived your dream.
12:17I lived your dream.
12:18I lived your dream.
12:19I lived your dream.
12:19I lived your dream.
12:19I lived your dream.
12:20I lived your dream.
12:21I lived your dream.
12:21I lived your dream.
12:22I lived your dream.
12:22I lived your dream.
12:23I lived your dream.
12:24I lived your dream.
12:24I lived your dream.
12:25I lived your dream.
12:25I lived your dream.
12:26I lived your dream.
12:26I lived your dream.
12:27I lived your dream.
12:27I lived your dream.
12:28I lived your dream.
12:28I lived your dream.
12:29I lived your dream.
12:29I lived your dream.
12:30I lived your dream.
12:30I lived your dream.
12:31I lived your dream.
12:32I lived your dream.
12:33I lived your dream.
12:34I lived your dream.
12:35All right, how are we going to fuck this pig?
12:44Well, you're going to want to start with dimensions.
12:46What are you thinking there?
12:47Fourteen by sixteen.
12:48Well, you want to play dodgeball in there, Derry?
12:50Fourteen by sixteen.
12:51Well, that's five me's, five you's, and five Derry's.
12:54You want to play three-team dodgeball in there, Dan?
12:56Call it twelve by fourteen.
12:58You want to play fucking dodgeball in there, Derry?
13:00Twelve by fourteen.
13:01That's four me's, four you's, and four Derry's.
13:04You want to play two-team dodgeball with one sub each in there, Dan?
13:08What about eight by ten?
13:12Oh, I'd fuck with eight by ten.
13:14You're not playing no dodgeball in no eight by tens.
13:17I never want to play no dodgeball in no eight by ten.
13:19Oh, I got so much time for eight by ten.
13:21Eight by ten, that's three me's, three you's, and two Derry's.
13:26Comfortably?
13:27You're cozy.
13:27Must have more of a room in there.
13:29Mm, call it eight by ten.
13:30Call it a Texas size ten for, good buddy.
13:34I'm sure we're going to have the structure.
13:37What we're going to do is we're going to put space heater here, mini fridge here.
13:44I'm going to throw the Jenny right out there.
13:46What about the sushi's and sashimi's?
13:49Hey!
13:52Hey!
13:53How are you now?
13:56Good and you?
13:56Not's bad.
13:57You fucking serious with that turtleneck?
13:59Lose a lot of heat in the neck.
14:01You fucking serious with that hair?
14:02You figure it out.
14:03You figure it out.
14:04Where are yous been?
14:05Modeling.
14:06How's that for you?
14:07Boring.
14:08Good.
14:09There's no money in it.
14:10What are you schools?
14:11Monkey could do it.
14:12Good enough!
14:13Miss sledding season two.
14:14I told you she missed sledding season.
14:16I just want to set you figure it out.
14:17You figured it out.
14:19Figured it.
14:20Where's your shets?
14:21About that.
14:27These are my friends.
14:30What are your friends named?
14:34Shep.
14:35And Kingsley.
14:37Those are dudes names?
14:39Yeah.
14:40They sound like dog names.
14:41I don't like where this is going.
14:43We'll be in my room.
14:45Guys, hang up your coats.
14:47You're fucking shirt, Shep.
14:59Where the fuck is your shirt, Kingsley?
15:01It ripped.
15:03It ripped?
15:03Mine too.
15:05How?
15:05Because I'm so fat.
15:08Me too.
15:09I'm so fat.
15:10I'm a bad bastard.
15:11I'm a fat podger.
15:12Guys, enough.
15:15Let's go.
15:15If I was the Dr. Seuss book, I'd be the fat in the hat.
15:19If I was an arcade fighting game, I'd be Mortal Kombat.
15:22If I was one of the five bros in New York City, I'd be fat in highly.
15:25If I was an Italian city-state, I'd be the fat again.
15:28Put a fucking shirt on.
15:29I don't know what happened to you, Dusters.
15:44But fuck me.
15:46Do you fuck dog?
15:50Walking around pouting like your little sister took your last Oreo.
15:54And not a traditional Oreo, no, a limited edition Oreo or seasonal Oreo.
16:01They're going to take off the shelf for another year.
16:04Hey, birds?
16:06Did little Neteisha take your last Halloween Oreo?
16:11You didn't get a chance to say goodbye to that delicious orange frosting?
16:16What about you, Yorkie?
16:19Huh?
16:20Did little Tamsin take your last Reese's peanut butter cup Oreo?
16:25Well, it gets worse.
16:27Those have been discontinued forever.
16:31What about you, Schultzy?
16:33Huh?
16:34Did little Tyron to take your last ice cream Oreo orange sherbet?
16:39That is a summertime flavor.
16:41Good luck sucking back on one of those in the next six months.
16:47Fisky.
16:48I know.
16:49You're a birthday cream fudge guy.
16:51They're all gone.
16:53What?
16:53Little DeSondra was the culprit.
16:56And her pal, Laurentian, took the last heads or tails mega stuff, too.
17:04Hey, Boomtown.
17:05You're an only child.
17:06You got your NASCAR Daytona Oreos?
17:08It's fucking embarrassing!
17:13Let me give you some advice, donkeys.
17:15Take a page out of Jonesy and Riley's book.
17:27My boys, I skipped curfew call for you last night because I knew you'd be doing legs and I didn't want to interrupt.
17:35We've been doing legs two days since the first week of summer, Coach.
17:38Blocked every wheelchair ramp in the arena so we have to do stairs.
17:43Tenacity.
17:44You can't teach that.
17:47No, I never thought those pheasants would fuck the dog so hard that you two would become my studs.
17:58Thanks, Coach.
18:00Thanks, Coach.
18:00But I need one win.
18:04One W.
18:08What are you going to do to get me that?
18:10Selfish hockey.
18:12That's right.
18:13Selfish hockey.
18:15Break it down.
18:16Skate the puck.
18:17Don't pass it.
18:18Headman's still going to be there when you catch up, boy.
18:20Take it coast to coast.
18:22Shots and poor angles are still shots.
18:24Fuck and a half.
18:25Two-minute shifts.
18:26Three minutes, even.
18:27Cruise the blue line to catch your breath.
18:29Bad balance, that's a good breakaway.
18:31Gotta get the balances, boys.
18:33Perfect.
18:34And a retaliation penalty never hurt anyone.
18:37What's our mantra?
18:38They don't ask how, they ask how many.
18:41That's right.
18:45What did I tell you about stick tape?
18:49You don't need it!
18:53The only people that would be worrying about puck handling are Jonesy and Riley.
19:00Save it for them.
19:02Huh?
19:05Double you!
19:06Well, just fuck this pig.
19:14Structure goes here.
19:16Sled parking here.
19:17Pretty good spot for this one over there.
19:19This one outside's for dogs and D-gens.
19:22I think it's outside as much as the dog does.
19:24Well, I'm not above it either.
19:25I'm just saying.
19:26Fuck, we could really use some kind of iron this down, eh?
19:28All right.
19:35Katie?
19:36Big brother.
19:37How you now?
19:37Good, and you?
19:38What's the bet?
19:39My friends need to borrow clothes.
19:41Give them barn clothes.
19:42I won't have barn clothes in the house, they stink.
19:44Guess you had to put your friends in the fucking barn then.
19:47They don't have any clothes of their own.
19:49Okay.
19:49They don't have any money.
19:51Way she goes.
19:52Models are always broke.
19:53Good enough.
19:54You have a baker's dozen plaid shirts, they only need two.
20:00Give them the hand-me-downs I got from Dan's second cousin.
20:03Who, Garrett?
20:04No, Jarrett.
20:0510-4.
20:06Order.
20:12These are the only ones that fit.
20:14It's because we're too podgy.
20:16Ugh, don't start.
20:17If I was a major league baseball team, I'd be the LA Podgers.
20:20If I was a major league baseball pitcher, I'd be Podger Clemens.
20:24If I was a pickup truck, I'd be a Podge Ram.
20:27If I was a disguising clothing pattern made for hunting and combat, I'd be Camel Podge.
20:32No, better without the shirts.
20:41Okay, now, go shut both doors and lock them.
20:46Oh, no, I'm with all his stuff.
21:14Devon is gone.
21:17Rolled.
21:19Stir.
21:20Hysterics are fruitless.
21:23Steward.
21:24Tears are useless.
21:26Steward.
21:28Pain is inevitable.
21:30Where?
21:34Why?
21:37W, mother-fucking-five!
21:40I don't know.
21:42He had everything here.
21:45Hours upon hours of ultra-competitive gaming laced with hip-hop karaoke.
21:50Had a dash of late-night blurring.
21:53And a splash of petty vandalism.
21:55And what have you got?
21:59Utopia.
22:02Arcadia.
22:03Kingdom come!
22:10Devon hated petty vandalism.
22:13He called it two-bit.
22:15Shabby.
22:17Shoes ring.
22:18Hence the term petty, Rold.
22:21Don't be redundant.
22:24But you're right.
22:24He did hate that.
22:30This was his.
22:33Verify.
22:38Yes.
22:40You got it the summer before grade six at sidewalk sale day when Habsie's on it.
22:45Horaceous.
22:47And this.
22:52Lode.
22:55Substantiate!
22:56Yes.
22:57You stole it from his grandma's secret game.
23:00Echo the Dolphin on Sega CT in grade three.
23:03Irrefutable.
23:04Well, I guess he didn't take all of his stuff.
23:19How did he?
23:20No.
23:21Fuck me.
23:37That was refreshing.
23:40Incoming!
23:41Stink bombs.
23:48Devin.
24:03Fuck, she looks friendly as a couch, ain't she, boys?
24:06Went up faster than shit through a goose, too.
24:10Lickety split.
24:10Real nice of Tyson and joint boys to help, though.
24:13More hands make less work.
24:15Well, well, well, fire up the jenny, Derry.
24:37Now test out the motion sensor, Dan.
24:39Well, that's, man.
24:47I appreciate this.
24:49Well, that's tense.
24:50Well, say there's just one step left.
24:53Yep.
24:54Christen it.
24:55Should we christen it?
24:56Well, are we going to christen it?
24:57Should we christen it?
24:59You feel like we should be christening it.
25:00I'm surprised we're not christening it right now.
25:02Oh.
25:12Cordy Howe hat-trick, Ferda.
25:13Game puck goes to Cordy.
25:15Yeah, I had 18 shots on net, boys.
25:17Ovechkin numbers.
25:19Played no less than 38 minutes.
25:21Duncan Keith numbers.
25:23But, uh, 9-4, Ferda.
25:26Ferda, the team.
25:27You know, I'd sick on unreal stats, but, uh...
25:34It'd be nice to have a couple W's, too.
25:36It'd be nice to have a W.
25:39Players-only meeting?
25:42Coach was right.
25:43I mean, no W's on the season.
25:45That's just...
25:45Fucking embarrassing!
25:47Coach.
25:49Players-only meeting.
25:51Oh.
25:52Well, that's embarrassing.
25:53Oh.
25:57Jesus.
26:05All right, you pheasants.
26:07What's the problem?
26:08Spill it, Fezzies.
26:10My wife left me, you little bitch.
26:13Feels like someone ran a coarse glove hustle on my love muscle.
26:16Yorkie?
26:17St. Bart's.
26:18Feels like someone fork-cored my pork sword.
26:21Schultzy.
26:22She's gone.
26:23Feels like someone took a big Snackers on my little Knackers.
26:28Pussy.
26:30Fisky.
26:31Out the door.
26:33Feels like someone slammed a super-soccer kick into my Ron Donnie long schlong.
26:37Boontown!
26:38I'm an only child.
26:41As Coach previously and pitilessly pointed out.
26:44I'd kill for a little Natesha, Tamsin, Tyrande, DeSondra, Laurentian in my life.
26:53But someone did steal my last NASCAR Daytona Oreo.
26:58That wasn't funny!
27:01But you all love your wives.
27:04What happened, boys?
27:09Angie?
27:11Boys.
27:12Unreal game.
27:13Who wants to take me out for a Sando?
27:17I'll let you work it out.
27:23Angie?
27:24That's my girl, you little bitch.
27:27She makes me want to rub Slick on my disco stick.
27:30Yorkie?
27:31Correction, Bart's.
27:32She's mine.
27:33She makes me want to go Warcraft all over my man-shaft.
27:36Schultzy?
27:37Mine.
27:38She makes me want to take a low-fiver to my deep-beat diver.
27:43Pussy.
27:45Fisky.
27:46Uh-uh.
27:47She's mine.
27:48She makes me want to take a fresh fruit to my flesh flute.
27:51Boomtown.
27:53You all have sisters.
27:55I hope you're kind to them.
27:59I hope you cherish them.
28:03This one's mine!
28:08This is bad, buddy.
28:10This is really bad, buddy.
28:12I think we've got a Puck Bunny.
28:16Puck Bunny!
28:34What's darker out here than the inside of a fuel tank?
28:37Head towards the sensor light, Dad.
28:47I don't appreciates this.
28:49Well, we're going to fuck this pig.
28:54We find who did it.
28:58And we beat the shit out of them.
29:00The only thing you've got to do is keep your head down.
29:23We beat the shit out of them.
29:53I'm dancing for 24 hours, and I'm lying on the kids' floor.
29:59You want to use me?
30:01Read me fast!
30:03No sleep till you pass!
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