- 9 months ago
Letterkenny Season 3 Episode 4 Les Hiques
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TVTranscript
00:01You're packing up for a fishing trip with your pals the other day.
00:07I loves fishing in Quebec.
00:10Who doesn't love fishing in Quebec?
00:12It's great fishing in Quebec.
00:14I fucking hate Quebec.
00:15This guy fucking poppers.
00:16Well, I'm having flash snacks.
00:18To what?
00:19It's the last time we went fishing.
00:21On the ride home, I had to sit in between a family size of salt and bennies
00:24and a party pack of dill picklers.
00:27Admittedly, last time things got a little out of whack when it comes to the snacks.
00:31We deserve the flack.
00:32But now we're back on track.
00:33We have a new plan of attack.
00:34Everything we pack has to fit in this sack.
00:37We made a snack pack.
00:38All of these have to start with letter C, in fact.
00:40A. Stop rhyming.
00:42B. Why C?
00:43Well, we tried Z.
00:44Apples.
00:45And we tried B.
00:46Bananas.
00:47But C gave us money choice option.
00:49Cookies, crackers, cheese, chocolates.
00:51C.
00:52And then we're on to D and so forth.
00:54I love the D.
00:55Pardon?
00:56Pardon?
00:57Why does jerky get to come?
00:58It's caribou jerky.
00:59What about the nuts?
01:00Corn nuts.
01:01And the beer?
01:02Cold beer.
01:03There's too much choice in the world.
01:06How do you fig, Newton?
01:07Oh, look at toothpaste.
01:08Used to be just cold gator crest.
01:10Now it's like 20 kinds of each.
01:11Lightning.
01:12Brightening.
01:13Enlightening.
01:14Goddamn lightning.
01:15Goddamn frightening.
01:16Nice work, double D's.
01:17Ooh, speaking of double D's,
01:19Mrs. McMurray went to the casino with her pals the other night,
01:22so McMurray and I went to the Rippers.
01:24And the cat's away, the mice will play.
01:26Where was my invite?
01:27Get this.
01:28One of the strippers' names.
01:29Tell us on the road.
01:31Let's go fishing.
01:32I loves fishing in Quebec.
01:34Who doesn't love fishing in Quebec?
01:36Great fishing in Quebec.
01:38I fucking hate Quebec.
01:40Get this guy a fucking Pauppers.
01:43Give me some Pauppers.
01:45It's nice to have a break from you guys naming your own burps.
02:10On the way home, we'll be spelling our own farts.
02:13I've heard you really need consonants for that.
02:15Buy some T's.
02:16Buy some T's.
02:17Buy some T's.
02:18This may be smart.
02:19Anywho, about the Rippers.
02:21Oh, tell us when you get there.
02:23So it's time for telling stories when you go fishing.
02:26I love going fishing in Quebec.
02:29Who doesn't love fishing in Quebec?
02:31It's great fishing in Quebec.
02:32I fucking hate Quebec.
02:34This guy fucking Pauppers.
02:36And everybody else in it, too.
02:38What's the problem, poopy pants?
02:40Well, for one thing, you can never tell what the hell they're saying half the time.
02:44That's for one thing.
02:45Ignorance is blessed, bud.
02:47Yeah, they should figures it out.
02:48Maybe you should figure it out.
02:50Okay, you try to name me one good guy that's a French guy.
02:54You try to name me.
02:55Go ahead and try.
02:56I bet Corey Hart's a pretty good guy.
02:57I'm not sure that he's a French guy.
03:00You trust some buddies who wear sunglasses at night?
03:03Hey, name me another French guy that's a good guy.
03:05Go ahead and try.
03:06Well, what's about that guy from the alien show?
03:09Third Rock from the Sun?
03:11That's the one.
03:12John Lithgow?
03:14Nope.
03:15French Stewart?
03:17Yeah, that's the one.
03:18He's not French.
03:19Well, his name is French.
03:21The guy squints too much.
03:23Oh, they could take a walk, the whole lot of them.
03:25Gary, I think there's something much deeper at play here.
03:29Can confirm.
03:30What's the story?
03:31All right, well, so this one time...
03:34Oh, tell us when we get there.
03:35There's lots of time for telling stories when you go and fish in.
03:39Great day for sleigh, huh, Dan?
04:02It's a toboggan.
04:03So, Gary, what's the story?
04:07Which one?
04:08I'd hear the ripper story now.
04:11Well, I heard why you hate French people so much.
04:13Doesn't hate him, he loves him.
04:14That's the problem.
04:15Oh, I don't.
04:16Me too.
04:17Oh, I do not.
04:18Yeah, you do.
04:19You love French gals, but hate that they don't love you.
04:22Gary, please explain.
04:25Well, every time there's a French gal I kind of like, I have a real hard time explaining
04:32to her that I kind of like her because she only speaks French.
04:35And I'm not a good enough looking dude to get by on just my looks.
04:39Aw, Gary.
04:40This guy fucking poppers.
04:43And if there's like an English gal I kind of like, but there's a French dude around,
04:47you know she's going home with French dude because English gals love French dudes.
04:52Can confirm.
04:53And English dudes love French gals.
04:56Can confirm.
04:57That's why they can take a walk, the whole lot of them.
05:00All right.
05:01Well, let's hear the ripper story then.
05:03Yeah.
05:04Oh.
05:05Okay.
05:06Okay.
05:07So me and McMurray went to the rippers the other night and then there was a stripper
05:10and her name was All Anus Morissette.
05:13I loves it when they do variations on real people's names like Avril Vagine.
05:25Nellie Furtaco.
05:26Alec Baldwin.
05:27Okay.
05:28Yeah.
05:29Yeah.
05:30Yeah.
05:31Yeah.
05:32All Anus Morissette.
05:33Snellen Degenitals.
05:34Oh, Meryl Strip.
05:35Hannibal Lichter.
05:36Dongy Darko.
05:37Count Traculo.
05:38Oh, that's a fun one too because it lends itself to good costumes and that's just so camp.
05:51Yeah.
05:52Yeah.
05:53But no.
05:54No.
05:55But...
05:56All Anus Morissette.
05:57Ha, ha, ha, ha.
05:58Ha, ha, ha, ha!
06:04Okay guys, the coos the guys, C'est mon commander d'Aurie set pour prendre votre request toute la journée.
06:10Qui est prêt pour le blastop avec moi?
06:13On y va, Weuuu!
06:17Who's that?
06:30It's the French.
06:47What is that, you little bitch?
06:58What's the red stuff, Schmelz?
06:59Shred the red, boys.
07:00Shred the red, boys.
07:01Less meals.
07:02All wheels.
07:03Protein powder program.
07:04Meal suppies, boys.
07:05Meals.
07:06Getty looks like this, boys.
07:07Breakfast.
07:08Shreddies.
07:09Lunch.
07:10Shreddy the reddies.
07:11Dinner.
07:12Spaghettis.
07:13Shit.
07:14Only thing about shredding the reds, a few more trips to the ship's head, boys.
07:30A few more trips to Brown Town, buddy.
07:32Table for one in Pooza Hut.
07:34I can't let the jerks out the barn, bro.
07:38You'll be rushing to a state visit with a lot of your boot and drown a few brown snakes,
07:44Joe.
07:45Couple King Cobra Coilers, boys.
07:46King Kong Coilers, boys.
07:48Fuck my entire fucking life.
07:50If you tit fuckers light a match in here, the whole fucking barn's going up.
07:54Give your balls a tug.
07:55Fuck you, Shorzy.
07:56Fuck you, Riley.
07:57Fight me.
07:58See what happens.
07:59Yeah?
08:00What's gonna happen, Shorzy?
08:01Three things.
08:02I hit you.
08:03You hit the paper and I jerk off on your driver's side door handle.
08:06Fuck you, Shorzy.
08:07Fuck you, Jonesy.
08:08Tell your mom to top up the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late night.
08:13I don't think we can trust her.
08:14Why?
08:15She's got that look.
08:16What?
08:17You know, like somebody who comes to your party and does all the drugs then tells everybody
08:30that you're the drug addict.
08:32Sit.
08:33Stay.
08:34Fuck you's mission moving forward is hereby labeled Operation Gay.
08:50Objective?
08:51Find a way to get gay back to the city.
08:55Ask for her wishes.
08:57Danke schön.
08:58Danke, stop.
08:59You're not even joking.
09:00Danke, shut your mouth, Roald.
09:01Modus operandi?
09:02Creed Melbach's mayhem.
09:03Our Operation Gay HQ is here.
09:18During the last gasp of daylight, we will skulk into our various positions here, and here,
09:25and here, and here, and here.
09:31Then upon cloud sundown, we will wreak havoc all over town.
09:37We will deposit the contraband in my trunk, and we will dump our load here, in the dollar
09:47store parking lot.
09:52And here.
09:53To clarify, you want to steal mailboxes?
09:56Affirmative.
09:57That's a federal crime.
09:59Are you scared?
10:13No.
10:14Ooh!
10:15Ooh!
10:16Ooh!
10:17Ooh!
10:18Ooh!
10:19Ooh!
10:20Ooh!
10:21Ooh!
10:22Ooh!
10:23Ooh!
10:24Ooh!
10:25Ooh!
10:26Ooh!
10:27Best of all, Wayne et al assumed the destruction is caused by Tanis and her crew again.
10:38It's perfect.
10:39Hey, maybe we could urinate in the mailboxes too, you know?
10:42To underline how pissed off they are.
10:46Rolled!
10:47You're in fuck you now.
10:50It's serious.
10:52You're in, or you're out.
10:59Qui acquiesce.
11:02We are.
11:03Fuck you.
11:05Freaks acting crazy united!
11:07Give me three good reasons why you feel you must rebel.
11:10I hate the world!
11:11I hate my parents!
11:12I hate me!
11:13Fuck you!
11:14Fuck you!
11:15Fuck you!
11:16Fuck you!
11:17Fuck you!
11:18Fuck you!
11:26Not only are they gal hoggers,
11:31Loud and bunch of, goat goat goat the goddamned stranded seals over there.
11:36Those guys have fucking poppers.
11:38They've got poppers right here.
11:43Hey!
11:45Didn't they teach you how to pipe down at CGEP?
11:50What's their problem?
12:06Hey! He said Simmers down, so Simmers down!
12:13Why don't you go eat some tartars, you snail-sucking mime-lovers?
12:21Hey!
12:23I didn't understand anything, but...
12:26There's no reason to be excited for you, hey!
12:28I'm cold!
12:29I don't know what the fuck you're saying,
12:32but turn that shit down!
12:36I would rather have Céline Dion!
12:40Hey, I'm cold!
12:43I didn't understand what you said,
12:44but I heard Céline Dion on a hostile tone!
12:48No one speaks Céline Dion with a hostile tone!
12:52Céline Dion, that's a national treasure!
12:55A real angel!
12:57We like that it's our own mother!
13:00Well, of course, any kind of truth!
13:02What do they say about arguing with idiots?
13:06They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
13:10Over and out.
13:12I could be helpful here, fellas.
13:14We got this, we got this.
13:15I still don't know what the fuck you're saying,
13:20but you're saying it now in a hostile tone!
13:25And you don't speak to us in a hostile tone!
13:31I see that you have a beautiful girl with you!
13:34You must be the only one in all the province of Ontario!
13:39Yeah!
13:40Absolutely beautiful girls are French!
13:42Always French!
13:43Yeah, and you don't even know what to do with a French girl!
13:47I still don't know what the fuck you're saying,
13:53but other than George St. Pierre,
13:56every Frenchman is a fucking pussy!
13:59So you's better simmer down, and I mean right now!
14:03Why don't you go to a Putin festival in the Tetford Mines?
14:13Why don't you go canoeing to three rivers, you inbred fur traders?
14:25Hey, Skrish!
14:27Don't eat an animal bar in stem loops!
14:31Hey, buzz them out!
14:33I fucking know what that means.
14:34I love the animal bars.
14:36Because you do pot.
14:38Then why don't you go savagely force feed a duck,
14:41and then enjoy your foie gras in a sugar shack, Trudeau!
14:46What?
14:47Why don't you go snowshoe to the Bell Center
14:50to watch back-to-back sold-out simple plant shows,
14:54then go eat some Montreal smoked meat,
14:56you bagel-munching rope pissers!
15:24From here,
15:26from here...
15:30Mike!
15:32Would you drink a little...
15:34a little crêpe?
15:36Or a boeuf bourguignon?
15:39Huh?
15:40Would you drink a ratatouille?
15:41We have a!
15:42�'s конфit a canard...
15:45Or maybe a potato patin!
15:48Would you drink a cassoulet?
15:50You know what, Dan? Sit down.
16:00You know, this one's off the beaten path a wee bit, but you ever notice how French people go pfft at the end of a sentence?
16:05Yeah, yeah, I've noticed that. French people do that all the time. At the end of a sentence, they go pfft.
16:11I don't knows if I follows.
16:13Well, like, if you were an English person going pfft at the end of a sentence, like French people go pfft at the end of a sentence,
16:18the sentence would probably be something like, you get so drunk some nights you piss to bed,
16:23but other nights you get so stoned you can't piss at all, so pfft.
16:26Yeah, or like, your guy says sex isn't good anymore, and you're like, well, how do you think I feel?
16:31All you put into it is your dick.
16:33Do you want to know what's kind of fun to make fun of them for?
16:36Is it right after they go pfft, you go pfft?
16:39Do that again?
16:40So, like, you like having casual sex because he gives you some good, but at the end of the day, he doesn't give you a goddamn soap.
16:47And you know what else?
16:52None of you knows where to put the asses in your goddamn sentences.
16:56So why don't you go get tricked by a just-for-laugh gag before you have to hold a referendum to separate my fuck from your ass?
17:07Sante!
17:10Choice works, super chief.
17:12Oh, that was a big turd period, bro.
17:19Gotta have the big turd, buddy.
17:21It's like the penalty shit, bro.
17:23Finally got the poo replay clicking, bro.
17:26Almost had to four shit the game.
17:28Too many poo minute penalties.
17:31Ah!
17:33So what, you boys ready to shred the red?
17:36Shreddy the ready, boys.
17:37Try it before practice.
17:38Not sure I want a trouser brownie, you little bitch, Yorkie.
17:43Not sure I'm up for smuggling fuzzios either, Bartz.
17:47Shulzy.
17:48Not sure I'm up for squishy poopies.
17:52If it ain't yumzies in my tumzies, my poopies go squishies.
17:58Pussy.
18:00Fisky.
18:00I've been stuck in nut-like bulk barn.
18:05Boomtown.
18:07That's what I fucking love about you, Boomtown.
18:10Love the jam, Boomtown.
18:12Love it.
18:12Shred the red.
18:14Shred the red.
18:15Shred the red.
18:17Shred the red.
18:19Shred the red.
18:20Shred the red.
18:22Shred the red.
18:24Shred the red.
18:25Shred the red.
18:27Shred the red.
18:28Oh, oh, oh, oh.
20:28I wouldn't you invite her to the Chez Lounge, Derry.
20:32I would.
20:33I wouldn't be able to understand what she's saying half the time.
20:37I'm not a good enough looking guy to get by on just my looks.
20:40Oh, Derry.
20:41Cheer up, Derry.
20:43Despite those frogs whose wives can't even take their last names.
20:47Pretty sure they don't use middle names over there either.
20:50No middle name's 2015.
20:52No, it's not.
20:54I loves fishing in Quebec.
20:56Who doesn't love fishing in Quebec?
20:59It's great fishing in Quebec.
21:00I fucking hate Quebec.
21:02This guy a fucking poppers.
21:04It's a little bit of food.
21:11You know, your government's cut in everything.
21:13So, let's go.
21:43Well, I guess everybody understands body language.
21:51Panic is going forever.
21:54Next time you know to strike on the iron's hot, big shooter.
21:58I just can't catch a break.
22:04Oh, you got one.
22:13Oh, bother.
22:22Oh, God, I've had a hardy, boys.
22:25Mud slide, Budski.
22:27Oh, no.
22:28I'm going to shoot my pants.
22:30You little bitch.
22:32Dorky.
22:34I've cramped the eight ball in my sports shorts.
22:38Tulsi?
22:40Peek behind door number two.
22:43See my little poop-de-ville.
22:46It's my little dude's poop, pussy.
22:49Fisky.
22:51I've had a blumpy.
22:54A grumpy, blumpy.
22:57Boomtown.
22:59I'm ready to get the lot out.
23:04I'm ready to...
23:06Wait.
23:09I shook my pants, too.
23:14I'm sorry.
23:15This is on you, you little bitch.
23:20I wanna get your smoke!
23:30Cops are so dumb.
23:32Cops are mushrooms.
23:34I need you to expound, gay.
23:36What do you do with mushrooms?
23:37Are we talking portobello, shiitake, chanterelles?
23:41I can cook, you know.
23:43You give them shit and keep them in the dark.
23:46Rode, are you afflicted?
23:49What are you...
24:01Oh!
24:04World?
24:09Give me three reasons why you feel you must rebel.
24:12I hate the world, I hate my parents, I HATE MYSELF!
24:16As you are.
24:18FUCK YOU!
24:24What a bust.
24:26Pretty pedestrian effort, super chieftains.
24:29Holy fish we got with the one Cock Cousteau tossed over at us.
24:33Fuckin' hate Quebec.
24:34I can't catch a break here.
24:36I can't catch a break here.
24:55Oh, bother.
24:57T-Gen's from up country.
24:59No ostrich fuckers in Quebec hicks.
25:17Well, we are way the fucks outnumbered, bud.
25:20It's not how many you win, it's how many you show up for.
25:24Is that no fear slogan?
25:25Likely.
25:27Les douche de la campagne.
25:30Les douche de la campagne.
25:38Hostie que j'haïs les douche de la campagne.
25:51Bienvenue au Québec.
25:56I'll have to go.
25:58Okay.
25:59I'll be here.
26:02I have all the fun.
26:04I'll be here.
26:06I'll be here.
26:08I'll be here.
26:09I'll be here.
26:11T-Gen's from up country.
26:12I'll be here.
26:13I'll be here.
26:14I'll be here.
26:15Bye.
26:16Bye.
26:17Bye.
26:19Bye.
26:20Bye.
28:21Oui.
28:23Yes.
28:25Toi, tu parles français?
28:27Yes.
28:28Oui.
28:31Je suis désolé, je parle un petit peu français, mais je veux essayer.
28:37No problem.
28:39No problem.
28:40Of course.
28:41Mais on va parler français.
28:43Bon.
28:45Bon scrap.
28:46Well, it's best to avoid a scrap when you're going fishing.
28:50But you hate djens from upcountry too, huh?
28:53Do you think that your douchebags are worse than the others?
28:57They'll have to live with us.
28:59Yeah.
29:00Now where exactly is upcountry Quebec?
29:02Well, my whole life, I've hated the French.
29:07You can't understand what they're saying half the fucking time.
29:10And I couldn't land one of your beautiful women with my life depended on.
29:14As far as I'm concerned, youse can take a walk.
29:17The lot of youse.
29:17But then youse had our back today.
29:23Yeah.
29:25I loves me fishing in Quebec.
29:28Who doesn't love fishing in Quebec?
29:30Great fishing in Quebec.
29:32I fucking love Quebec.
29:34Hear, hear.
29:35Cheers.
29:36Salute.
29:38Merci, mes amis.
29:43I'm a nice.
29:44I'm Daryl.
29:49I think you're really good looking.
29:53Um, I was looking at you and I see you look at me, so.
29:59You speak English.
30:01We do much every one of you like this.
30:05Wow.
30:07Do you like all I miss Morse?
30:08Yes.
30:08Oh, boy.
30:23I think you're really good.
30:35You're right, gente.
30:37I'm not sure.
30:46You're right.
30:46Oh, boy.
30:47This is a good time.
30:47You're right.
30:48I'm not.
30:49I'm not sure.
30:49You're right.
30:50I'm not.
30:51Oh
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