- 1 year ago
Letterkenny Season 2 Episode 1 A Fuss at the Ag Hall
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00:00Attention.
00:02An amateur MMA asshole asked you to engage in aggressive altercation.
00:07Who the fuck is the toughest guy in here?
00:12That'd be me.
00:14Bullshit.
00:15Bopped you so bad in the bean you were beyond ass backwards, no blood albeit bloody brutal.
00:20Clunk.
00:21Clocked your carriage, clipped your canopy, caught your conscious with a carefully concocted combat of cuffing.
00:26Dink.
00:27Decked you defiantly.
00:28Easy.
00:29Handed you efficiently.
00:30Fuckin.
00:31Fucked your face up from front to Finland in a fairly unfair fashion unfortunately for females.
00:36Goof.
00:37So you got up, gathered your goods, got some gonads, got after the goofy goon, gave glory a good go.
00:51Have at her.
00:52Hucked a haymaker.
00:53Instantly.
00:54Kirk the idiot.
00:55Jackass.
00:56Jerk out, jab the joker, out jam the juice head.
00:58Okay.
00:59King Kong threw a karate kick that kinda caught you in the kisser.
01:02Loser.
01:03But that legend lady luck was lingering and left you with only a lovely little lump on your lip.
01:07Mint.
01:08But maybe mention you may use MMA, Mr. Muay Thai.
01:11And can poop.
01:12Knees are unnecessary.
01:14Over it.
01:15K onwards.
01:16Please.
01:17You outpunched the prick, outplayed the peasant, pushed proper pugnacity on the pinhead, left him praying for peace while Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers.
01:24Quickly.
01:25He got queasy, wanted to quit, folks were quoted as quietly quipping he looked like a quirky quackish queen on Quaalude.
01:31Right.
01:32Roughed up the rook, wrecked his reality, ruined his rep.
01:35Superb.
01:36You socked the sucker, slammed the sally, secured the scuffle by successfully outscrapping the skirt.
01:41Tremendous.
01:42You took over the tiff, outtangled the tosser, tough titties on that trade, you twit no truce.
01:47Unreal.
01:48Utterly.
01:49Violent.
01:50Very.
01:51Well, whatever.
01:52Exceptional.
01:53Exactly.
01:54Yup.
01:55Yup.
01:56See you, bro?
01:57Zip it.
02:12Tell us about your date last night, Wayne.
02:14Heard to the fuckin' no.
02:17Better patter.
02:18Oh, I'd rather have a cup of fart in the face.
02:21What's cup fart?
02:22Oh, that's when you fart into your hand, and then cup it like you're transporting a tiny bird, and release it into the face of an unsuspecting pal.
02:31They could be worse things.
02:33You're up.
02:34Well, for starters, I ran late chorin', so I didn't have time to get the truck washed before I went over there.
02:40So?
02:41Well, what if Dad's standin' there when I come up the laneway to pick up his daughter with a dirty truck and say, who's this tit?
02:46Fair.
02:47And I barely got the truck in park before she hops in there, so I can't get the door for her.
02:52So?
02:53Well, so what if Mom's standin' there when I come up the laneway to pick up her daughter and I don't get the door for her?
02:57She'll say, who's this nut-tugger?
02:59Fair.
03:00I couldn't get my footing after the Rocky starts, nothin' to report there after, fuck.
03:04Well, you'll have to fight another day.
03:05Well, I am lookin' for love.
03:07Boy, howdy.
03:08Like, I've been goin' on dates, we'll be goin' on other dates.
03:11We'll get after it.
03:12Like, if there was a general theme, like, for the next six weeks, it would be Wayne's lookin' for love.
03:26Could be worse things.
03:30utions banish
03:45gentlemen....
03:47how are you now?
03:50perfect...
03:51good. and you?
03:56same bad time, same bad channel.
03:58I'm the same bad channel, eh, shirt tuckers?
04:05Now I'd say give your balls a tug,
04:07but it looks like your pants are doing that for you.
04:10You look like you could lose a hand in there
04:11playing pocket pool.
04:12Here's a poem.
04:13Star light, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on?
04:17Bet your lobes ain't the only thing
04:18that got a hole punched in them.
04:19See, the muscle shirt came today.
04:21Muscle's coming tomorrow.
04:22You got a tracking number?
04:23Oh, I hope you got a tracking number.
04:24That package is gonna be smaller
04:25than one you're currently sporting.
04:27Call order, Derry.
04:28You ever had a cup of fart?
04:29You can cup a fuck off.
04:32Hey, Katie.
04:35Hi, Dan.
04:38Gentlemen.
04:57That kid's a polished turd.
05:06heard about you and your sweetie, buddy.
05:19Heard she cheated on you, buddy.
05:19That's a real kick in the knackers, bro.
05:20Just a real ouchie, bro.
05:22Just a real ouchie, bro.
05:23Sometimes I sure don't cash.
05:24Sometimes I finish, man.
05:25Sometimes I finish, man.
05:26Sometimes I finish, man.
05:28heard about you and your sweetie buddy she cheated on you buddy that's a real
05:32kick in the knackers bro just a real ouchie bro
05:58wait sir get points for opening katie's door johnny cash could have stepped out of that
06:03shitbox and i'd still say why is it not clean well should we jump into dairy shitbox and go to
06:10the eggs hall i know mcmurray's meetings can be a bit of a chore even worse when mrs mcmurray's
06:18there the eggs halls as much ours as anyone else's and we should be there for the important
06:23decisions making surely dan you'll be snoring within the first five and i bet as many bucks on
06:29it well i had my coffee today so i will take that bet you don't need to shake i trust you
06:34it's because i cop a fart isn't it
06:39that was a very productive first hour in 45 minutes i must say on to item number 2939
06:48yep still item number 28 baby item 28 is a two-part item
06:53oh thank you darling you're welcome baby all right on to item 28 part b i mcmurray motion that the
07:01front weather mount be changed from a remington charcoal four foot by eight foot by three millimeter
07:07thick rubber door mount to a raisin charcoal three foot by six foot by three millimeter thick ribbed
07:14vinyl boot tray came in a gainsborough gray also which is a pale tone of gray that's correct it
07:19also came in puce puce is a warm gray tonally mm-hmm gray tones don't clean up as well as dark
07:24tones hence raising charcoal better to look goddamn clean after you're done cleaning god sucker that's
07:28what i always say one day member second my motion a second baby i suck it so hard like you baby i knew
07:35you'd suck in a ship right out of it dan dan daniel
07:40mmm he's real deep sleeper oh super deep like he fell asleep at the imax during transformers 2
07:47fell asleep right in the back of a garbage truck one time tolerable daniel
07:51she had dogs sleep for 80 of their lives do you want to know what he might be faking it
07:55he's faking it oh he's faking it i can see he's faking it are you faking it dan look i can see
08:00one of his eyes are open yeah he's faking daniel don't touch it it hurts you better cut out all
08:07that goddamn snoring before i stop the car so i can work and lock down your skull cave
08:11keep going baby everybody's listening everybody loves you thank you darling better listen to her
08:21daniel now i'm sure you no doubt have all noticed it we are down to one dozen coat hangers in the
08:28front hall there are approximately 12 dozen in the rear hall all standard steel wire all standard
08:34steel wire flat and triangular shape i mcmurray motion that one doesn't be transported to the
08:39front hall okay wayne wayne wayne wayne wayne wayne wayne look at me wayne wayne there is a tried
08:47tested and true system at work here and as president of the agricultural hall i must demand it be
08:53respected one member makes motion then another member then seconds that motion second k k is not
09:02a second well it's the second time i said k so you second a motion do i know what i'm all out of
09:07seconds bud so it's not a second well this has taken too many seconds is what i'm saying well you
09:12don't have a second once all right give me a second so are you saying that you second or that you need
09:20a second no one second all right wayne you shall be given one second
09:25whilst wayne is taking one second i second the fucking motion mcmurray now move the fucking coat
09:37hangers oh thank you wayne may the secretary note that i mcmurray motioned to move one dozen
09:44coat hangers move the fucking coat hangers myself that's around here all fucking baited with my
09:49horn my hands torn to do for fuck's sake
09:51would the secretary note that aforementioned coat hangers have such been moved
10:07thanks to a very overzealous fever there's order people and it must be followed
10:15conclude it i'm 30 of 39
10:20wayne
10:31jim dickens how are you now good and you not so bad wayne 100 percent bullshit brown deer
10:38now looking at two two hundred percent now looking at three three hundred percent now can i get a four
10:43four they're now sold four hundred percent bullshit brown deer well it's never so bad it couldn't be
10:50worse worse than four hundred percent sounds an awful lot to me like five five hundred percent now looking at
10:55seven seven hundred percent now can i get an eight sold uh eight hundred percent bullshit brown deer
11:03well meetings were on a sea hair long but it's important business so if someone doesn't do something about this bullshit soon
11:10we'll be at nine nine hundred percent now looking at ten ten over there now looking at eleven eleven over here
11:14what would you have them do there jim if wayne runs for ag hall president i'll give him one vote right here
11:26we're looking at one not a barrier one vote here and i'm looking at you see now that sounds a bit dramatic to me jim
11:30no i don't think that's such a bad idea that not sound a bit dramatic to you i'd back that
11:35well it's bloody shakespearean it'd be usurping the throne i'd back that like a spinal cord it just sounds dramatic
11:41take the pelvis i'll tell you what jim i'll think on it have a good one have a good one jim
11:50one little birdly bird flying in the sky we got two little birds and we're looking at three
11:57three little birds now we're looking at four why do birds suddenly appear every time i auctioneer
12:03just a series of bad bounces for a couple of stick and pucksers bud not getting the bounces bro cut from
12:09the letter kenny shamrocks in our overage year bud no victory lap for the shammies bro no victory lap
12:16furta furta and no katie katie cast stepped out two times played around about a matinee carried on
12:27you know i should be mad but i'm just sort of sad
12:31give your balls a tug you tent fucker not gonna miss playing with shorzy though bud always a silver
12:38lining buddy you know but he's right game face is on it's our first day of senior hockey but first
12:43impression's a lasting one bro you ready for this bud four check back check paycheck bro
12:59what the fuck are you doing what does it look like two lights
13:11where's stormy been i haven't seen her all day in her pen why she's being punished why tried to kill
13:31her stud again that's my girl
13:40why well fucked if i know dan it's supposed to be natural for animals to want to breed
13:46and fucked if those pups wouldn't be as beautiful as she is
13:50she was a beautiful pup she's a beautiful dog she's a gorgeous pup well she's a gorgeous dog
13:55well why is she in her pen it's cause aggression's to be discouraged it's like caesar milan says
14:02exercise discipline and affection in that order i'd have a bloody caesar do you know what i'd have
14:10a caesar too i could have a caesar if you guys are having caesars hard to see a caesar not want a caesar
14:15that's actually how they market caesars if you call up gail over at her bed and biscuits
14:19i bet you she's got some studs for stormy well i better let the dust settle on modine's burn down
14:24before a bugger we need a new bar in this town well why stormy keep trying to kill all her studs
14:31because they're saying the wrong things likely just like humans first line better be a winner first
14:37impressions the lasting one like what well to be honest i've taken a break in the ice with the
14:44lyrics from 90s pop songs the words are penetrating because she's likely heard them before but she likely
14:50won't realize it when they're spoken rather than sung with musical accompaniment five boxes you
14:55cannot successfully sell me on this hey girl give me your heart make it real or else forget about it
15:04that's rob thomas and carlos santanas okay hey girl i want to stand with you on a mountain
15:11i want to bathe with you in the sea savage gardens uh oh hey girl i swear by the moon stars in the sky
15:21i'll be there all for once well fuck a duck
15:29hey girl i'll make love to you like you want me to and then i'll hold you tight baby all through the night
15:36are you talking to me you fucking greaser you don't talk to my guy you fucking pedal beat the
15:41shit out of you i'm doomed you're real good at beating up dairy and that's what i appreciates about
15:49you katie oh is that what you appreciate about me let's take 20 to 25 percent offer over there squirrely
15:56down hey rolled uh i bet you have a name for your bomb samwise ganja formerly known as paul tokenfold
16:13awesome formerly known as air bud
16:19hey maybe your next one can be called air bud 2 golden receiver
16:26all right guys we're outie peace peace
16:35bye guys bye stuart not katie
16:38pardon huh i'll be in the car cool big
16:42evan you may elaborate on your entanglement and rolled your exasperation cool babe speak
17:00my entanglement is it when that came along that started happening seriously stir what are you even
17:07wearing it's so gay but you're gay so what he's a homophobe now too no yes i was born this way stuart
17:18we don't even know where you are half the time we're going to the weekend show it's tuesday
17:24no the weekend is here in three days yeah no i mean the weekend is here today no it isn't yes he is who
17:32is he the weekend wow slightly sexy statement to say saturday and sunday are the masculine ones he's a
17:40misogynist now too no yes i mean we're going to see the weekend perform she's got you totally brainwashed man
17:51you don't even know what day is it i was born this way stuart
18:15did you just stab me with an epi pen
18:17it's good
18:28taste three mils
18:33what if any bees come in here we are so
18:36fucked don't open us peanut m&m's color
18:39you can help in a friend
18:52well uh jimmy dickskin uh dickens dickskin that's what i said a motion for an emergency meeting and
18:59that's why we're all here goddamn dick skin's cutting into my gin and tonic time that's all i know
19:04dickens that's why i said dixon all right little dicks again you can have the floor
19:12dick skin after of course we explore the several agricultural hall related issues that i have
19:18protected within the last 24 hours pick one uh as i've mentioned there are several so we will begin
19:24with one of them well don't bore us get to the chorus well wayne you're uh you're acting fairly
19:30curt i'll be fucking courtney if it gets us through this before christmas i motion
19:35wayne assume the title of president of the ag hop effective immediately
19:41for all those in there we're gonna need one vote twelve one vote here looking at one one over here
19:45now we're gonna get two two dollars we got two over here and we're looking at three three four
19:48wayne for president looking over there now gonna get four again again four over here now looking at
19:52four four over here for wayne for president here we're gonna get a five dollar
19:55everybody we're gonna five five over here now we're getting into six six over here six feels good
19:58over here now we're getting that seven seven over here now can i get an eight eight now ain't
20:02can i get an eight it'll be reality no nine that's all right for my friend wayne celebrate your times
20:07baby come on sold this is a fucking outrage you're out of order this it wasn't it wasn't motion
20:17it's not the right way there wasn't an emotion you're about to find out how hard this job really
20:29is you're in the hot seat now big boy you're just fucking piping hot like 1500 goddamn watts
20:45anything pressing
20:55back to chorrin
20:58gotta break the ice here boys gotta get the ball rolling bro first impression's gotta be a good one
21:03first impression's a lasting one buddy you think what i'm thinking great minds think alike buddy
21:08you boys want to go wheel some snipes after procky wheel snipe celly boys dirty dangles boys i'm
21:18married you little bitch yorky happily married schultzy i love my wife pussy fisky
21:27i've fallen in with the wrong crowd went on a dark path my wife saved me boomtown
21:35i love my wife like i love doing legs
21:37okay all right um you guys want to grab some sandals after procky crush some appies i'm gluten free you
21:47little bitch yorky
21:50fuck gluten schultzy
21:53gluten gives me gravy pants
21:55pussy
21:58gluten free dairy free gas is intestinal byproduct free
22:02boomtown i love gluten free living like i love my wife
22:06okay
22:08yeah
22:09what what do you guys like to do
22:11winning you little
22:12bitch
22:13yorky
22:15love winning
22:16schultzy
22:17winning red ribbons
22:19pussy
22:20fisky
22:21winning hardware winning gold
22:23boomtown
22:24i love winning like i love gluten free living
22:29okay okay
22:29i need to pull out the big guns on this one here buddy
22:32deep bear down buddy okay
22:37have you boys ever heard of dinkerball
22:39how about a round of dinkerball boys
22:41dinkerball
22:43okay
22:45okay
22:46so you grab your dink or your ball
22:49you scrunch it up in your hand and then someone has to guess whether it's a dink
22:53or ball
22:56dinkerball
22:58if you're fucking serious right now we don't see your junk schmelt put your junk away schmelt
23:02schmelt
23:03schmelt
23:04schmelt
23:04so the schmelt wall to play games yorky
23:07yeah i think we got a game for the schmelt sparts
23:10you like games right
23:13sure
23:23you're out
23:31of what this
23:33what's this this is not your crew anymore this is not your life
23:40anymore
23:41anymore this is not the weekend it's tuesday but this is not your basement anymore
23:50this is my basement now and you are not welcome
23:57schmelt
24:01are those loaded
24:05only one way to find out
24:09the great playwright anton chekhov invented the principle of chekhov's gun
24:14what is the principle of chekhov's gun
24:20if in the first act you say a gun is in the room then in the second act it must absolutely go
24:31in other words if you're gonna bring heat
24:36you better use it i'm pretty heated to 375 ready to go to 425 big
24:43boil blast off major dumb
25:14you schmelt's ever played duck duck goose
25:17yeah the four to six year old group we had at hockey silver camp
25:21what are we four six year olds boys
25:23just for four to six year olds
25:27you schmelt's ready close your ass
25:30you schmelt your gong shows boys
25:51smell your gongers this is better than doing legs you little
25:55bitch yorky let's do legs right now schultzy i love doing legs pussy
26:00fisky stairs works calves quads glutes boomtown i love doing stairs like i love winning
26:07how many games in this season buddy
26:2642 buddy
26:2742 buddy
26:31do you have any baby wipes
26:34i don't buddy
26:4643
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27:53Hold it.
28:07End of the laneway.
28:08Don't come out the property.
28:10Rematch.
28:11Okay.
28:14Knocked you out.
28:15Can't believe you got back up.
28:16You come here to throw fists or flap lips there, big shooter.
28:20You suckered him.
28:21Still knocked him the fuck out.
28:22Then he got back up and knocked you out.
28:24So rubber match, then.
28:25We already established that.
28:27Unless you want to do some more talking.
28:28Good amount of chin wagging going on over there.
28:32All right, I suckered you.
28:34So we shake hands, clear the air, and then we square off.
28:37Good enough.
28:52You're fucking ten-ply, bud.
29:17Good enough.
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