- 8 months ago
Letterkenny Season 1 Episode 2 Daryl's Super Soft Birthday
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00:01You heard a couple nutsacks talking about hockey the other day.
00:05This kid.
00:06Kid is a fucking stuff.
00:07Kid's a fucking beauty.
00:08Fucking look at this kid.
00:10Fucking love this kid.
00:11Kid lights lamp.
00:12Hashtag lamp light.
00:13Eat sleep lamp.
00:15Don't give him too much space buddy, he'll dangle.
00:17He'll dangle all the fucking way to outer space.
00:19Suck some Martian titties up there boys.
00:22That's getting super sloppy all over our space things.
00:25Silky mittens, top tittens, furtough boys.
00:27Furta!
00:28Furta!
00:29Big roadie to the big city this weekend, Schmelt.
00:32Do you know what that means?
00:34Ummm...
00:35Sucking city titty, idiot.
00:37Sucking all that big city titty, idiot.
00:39Call up that big city slam piece.
00:41Big city slams, idiot.
00:43Big city billet moms.
00:44Big city billet sisters.
00:46Get her dink sucked on boys.
00:48Yes.
00:51Hey, how's school going, Schmelt?
00:53It's going...
00:54Just kidding, we don't give a fuck.
00:56Kid or pop, Schmelt.
00:57Big city slams, Schmelt.
00:59Big city slams, Schmelt.
01:01What are you now?
01:02Not so bad.
01:03Good, and you?
01:04How are you now?
01:26Not so bad.
01:27Good, and you?
01:29Not too bad.
01:31Have you shit yourself?
01:33You look like you've got an awkward boner.
01:36Don't.
01:37Don't what?
01:39Dan, do you know that Daryl used to get boners every morning in grade nine during O'Canada?
01:45No shit.
01:47Yep.
01:48Just could not get through O'Canada without getting a boner.
01:52Give a young man 30 idle seconds, and he's gonna get a boner.
01:55We talked about this.
01:57Is there something you want to talk about now?
02:03Well, pitter-patter, let's get at her.
02:11I was wondering if this year we could skip the birthday party.
02:14Skip your super soft birthday party?
02:16Are you fucking high?
02:18Hard no.
02:19Daryl's super soft birthday party.
02:21Every year, Daryl's mom used to throw him these birthday parties when he was a kid.
02:26Softest birthday party on planet Earth.
02:29Boy band karaoke, cupcake decoration station, charcuterie.
02:34One year, his mom had him a make the world a better place party.
02:38One year, they dressed a horse up like a unicorn, and he was never really the same after that.
02:43It's not funny.
02:45We used to take a lot of teasing in school for those.
02:47Aw, should I get you a tissue, Sally?
02:51No, he'll have one in his purse.
02:53Or maybe his clutch.
02:55Party's happening, Daryl.
02:57You don't fuck with tradition.
02:58So, the agenda.
03:07After you're dust-up over the weekend, it's safe to assume you're fighting again?
03:11Correct.
03:1210-4, good buddy.
03:14Well, it's gonna be a busy week, because there's a few guys walking around town claiming to be the toughest guys in Letterkenny.
03:19I'm the toughest guy in Letterkenny.
03:21You were the toughest guy in Letterkenny.
03:24It's been some time.
03:25Now, it's safe to assume that that title is as important to you now as it was then?
03:30It's the duck with a bone or drag weeds?
03:3210-4, good buddy.
03:34And it's safe to assume that the challengers will be coming up around the farm, as that is how you have conducted business in the past?
03:40Well, it's number one for an audience.
03:42All right, well, let's talk about the challengers.
03:45First up, we got Sled Ted.
03:47What's he called, Sled Ted?
03:48Well, he likes fixing sleds and riding sleds and talking about sleds.
03:55He just really likes sledding, boys.
03:58He beat up a guy named Basic J.
04:01Why's he called Basic J?
04:02Because he's a fucking basic.
04:04And now he thinks he's the toughest guy in Letterkenny.
04:07After that, we got Rat Ass.
04:10Why is he called Rat Ass?
04:12Because he's got a hairy ass, like a rat.
04:15Can confirm.
04:18He beat up a guy named Brains.
04:22See, his name's Brian, but he spelled it Brain, the computer of bowling one time.
04:27It just kind of stuck.
04:28Now he thinks he's the toughest guy in Letterkenny.
04:31And after that, we got Joint Boy.
04:34Because he smokes lots of joints, Gary.
04:37Just plucking the low-hanging fruit is what that is.
04:44I seen that guy take on four bouncers at the Rippers one time.
04:48He is otherworldly.
04:50Got a dome on him like an Easter Island statue.
04:53Is he single?
04:56Not that it matters, I guess.
04:57Look, keep it at the end of the laneway.
05:01No D-gens on the property.
05:04It's a Texas size 10-4.
05:06Over and out.
05:07Well, this is annoying.
05:19What the fuck are they doing out there?
05:21They're scared of you.
05:22This snipe.
05:32I fucking love it.
05:33Snipe's a fucking sniper.
05:35Snipe's a fucking beauty.
05:36Fucking look at this snipe.
05:38Fucking love this snipe.
05:39Are you a snipe-selling, boys?
05:40Dirty fucking dangles, boys.
05:43You're a sniper.
05:44You're a snipe.
05:46You're a skirt, you pansy.
05:49If you make me walk up the laneway again, we're having babies.
05:51Put it out, put it out, put it out.
05:55Those boys need to give their balls a tug.
05:59Maybe check, make sure they're still attached right quick.
06:02I'd want to put a mirror down there and see what's what.
06:05One time, my cousin, he tore open his ball sack trying to do a skateboard trick,
06:11and he had to show it to his mom.
06:13Was it his scrotal sack?
06:15You know, that dangly piece of flesh, what hangs down behind the penis.
06:19Scrotal sack.
06:20The nut sack.
06:22So he tore his ball sack open trying to do a skateboard trick,
06:25and he's got to show it to his mom because apparently one of his testicles is showing.
06:29Is it the right one or the left one?
06:31Why is that of importance?
06:34Oh, because the left one has more sperm in it.
06:36Sperm abazoa is what it's called.
06:38Tell you what, if I ripped open my ball sack trying to do a skateboard trick,
06:41I'd be more worried about seeing my vast efferents.
06:44Well, you'd have to tear your ball sack pertinent here wide open doing a skateboard trick if you wanted to see your own vast efferents.
06:50I'm not sure I want to see my own vast efferents.
06:53I think if I saw my own vast efferents, I'd be quite worried.
06:57I'd be most worried if I tore my ball sack open trying to do a skateboard trick if I could see my accessory glands.
07:04Well, you don't want to go too kooky with accessories on your truck or your Jeep.
07:11It's okay with, like, a quad, though.
07:12Like, my buddy Big T's got a snorkel kit on his, and that's pretty punk rock.
07:17What's an accessory gland?
07:18Well, if your vast efferents is your sperm ducts, the accessory glands is what supplies lubricant to the sperm duct.
07:26I think if I ripped open my ball sack trying to do a skateboard trick,
07:29I'd be most worried about seeing my seminal vesicles.
07:32Oh, like the Florida State seminal vesicles?
07:35Like the sack that hangs behind your vast efferents and contains fructose, which is energy for the sperm.
07:41Yeah, it's like when you go in the city there and they got them charge stations for the people what drive the electric cars.
07:48That's pretty much your seminal vesicles.
07:54I thought it was pretty funny when I said Florida State seminal vesicles and nobody laughed.
08:02I thought it was pretty funny when I called it.
08:08It was pretty funny.
08:09Hello, Kate. End the laneway. Don't come up the property. Good.
08:39Sled Ted's ear.
09:09Sled Ted's ear.
09:14Oh, my God.
09:44Oh, my God.
10:14Oh, my God.
10:44Oh, my God.
11:14Oh, my God.
11:16Oh, my God.
11:18Oh, my God.
11:20Oh, my God.
11:22Oh, my God.
11:24Oh, my God.
11:26Oh, my God.
11:28Oh, my God.
11:30Oh, my God.
11:32Oh, my God.
11:34Oh, my God.
11:36Oh, my God.
11:38Oh, my God.
11:40Oh, my God.
11:42Oh, my God.
11:44Oh, my God.
11:46Oh, my God.
11:48Oh, my God.
11:50Oh, my God.
11:52Oh, my God.
11:54Oh, my God.
11:56Oh, my God.
11:58I saw him with his shirt off, swimming at the gravel pit not that long ago.
12:04His back acne was extraordinary.
12:10Like, extraordinary how?
12:12Well, like I thought about it for a while after is all.
12:15Well, elaborate, because I'm likely going to have to touch it.
12:19Well, like how it was cultivated.
12:23Well, by not showering, likely.
12:26Likely.
12:28Did you know that men can wear the fragrance CK-1 as well as women?
12:31Yeah.
12:32Yeah, that's because it's an unisexed fragrance.
12:35It says that right on the bottle.
12:38But would ya?
12:39Oh, negative.
12:40Me neither.
12:43Would you wear Gap Dream?
12:48No.
12:50So, Derry, that's for girls.
12:52Derry, that's for girls.
12:53You can't walk around smelling like purdy girls.
12:56Derry.
12:57You're not wearing it right now, are you?
13:01Close to expensive.
13:02Ice-use sunscreen.
13:03Banana boat.
13:08Let's get into some of those fucking all-dressed chips.
13:10Oh, Jesus, Katie.
13:11Put some fucking clothes on.
13:12Not my forte.
13:13Unfortunate.
13:14Hey, neighbor said he's not going to give us a horse this year.
13:15What?
13:16Well, he said that last year we returned him and his breath smelled like alcohol.
13:17Well, it was probably mine.
13:18He could have lit my breath on fire the next day.
13:19Horse was half-cut, though.
13:20Said that he's going to give us a donkey?
13:21Nope.
13:22Might be funny.
13:23Gotta be a horse so you don't fuck with tradition.
13:24You're really going to pump the brakes on a donkey dressed up like a unicorn.
13:25Oh, I'm stomping the brakes.
13:26You put that idea right through the fucking windshield.
13:27But it's a donkey dressed up like a fucking windshield.
13:28But it's a donkey dressed up like a unicorn.
13:30Well, it's better than a kick in the pants.
13:31Do you want this to be the softest thing you're supposed to make the person who has
13:32you doing?
13:33I don't want it.
13:34Okay, enjoy.
13:35I don't want it.
13:36But for sure, I don't want it.
13:37I don't want it, but I hate it.
13:38Just like I don't want it.
13:39I don't want it.
13:40Stop it.
13:41I don't want it.
13:42You want the dog to keep me inside my book.
13:43Don't want it?
13:44I hate it.
13:45Stop it.
13:46I'm dying.
13:47Don't want it.
13:48Don't want it.
13:49You just want it?
13:50What if you want it?
13:51I don't want it.
13:52better than a kick in the pants do you want this to be the softest birthday party ever or not
13:58i want this just as much as you do well then find us a horse please and thank you
14:05and don't stare at the sun too long you still look like an old saddlebag
14:22hello okay end of the laneway don't come out the property good
14:30rad ass is here
14:52i don't care for you
15:09keep this standing this goes to the ground we stand up
15:26okay this goes to a clinch we separate great let's go all right so hit me
15:35right we shut the fuck up
15:39let's give you a free one
15:41what the fuck is this let's fucking do this
15:47just fucking square off
15:48with the queens and the restrooms and the rats and the moonlight
15:54saying please baby please
15:58come out over me
16:03hey he's pulling hair he's pulling hair
16:20come on come on come on come on come on that's not that shitty wolverine
16:25i can hear you
16:37i can hear you
16:39i can hear you
16:40And begging for nothing from anyone
16:44And I lay in the dirt
16:48And I can hear all the ram
16:51All the crows
16:53Pull their worms from the ground
16:56They'll say, please
16:58Whoa, baby, please
17:03Watch your come
17:04Come here
17:06Come
17:07To me
17:10The execution boys
17:24Look at the hustle boys
17:26You guys made the liquor run, right?
17:30I was Donnie Jastakar
17:31I was Nicky Navigates
17:33But, uh, we couldn't find a lot of the stuff on the list
17:38Yeah
17:39Like what?
17:41Uh, well
17:42Uh, there's ingredients that I don't think you can get in Letterkenny
17:50Yeah
17:50So go to the city
17:52Yeah, but we got practice in a couple hours
17:55Well, we crushed a couple sandals before, too
17:58Grab some appies, maybe
17:59I haven't had a pregame naps either
18:01Appies and nappies for it
18:03For it, uh
18:03Well, we need everything on the list
18:06So what drinks do you need ingredients for?
18:10Uh, Corabello Love Potion
18:14Uh, Purple Passion Punch
18:17Lemon Gingeringi
18:19Apricot Tobarone Cocktail
18:23Couldn't find a Flirtini
18:25Couldn't find Sparkling Mango Sorbet Float
18:30Don't, don't know really what that is
18:33Well, that's all of them
18:36Yeah
18:38Yeah
18:38Yeah
18:38Yeah
18:39Look
18:41I have about a million things to do
18:43If this is gonna be the softest birthday party ever
18:45If you guys don't get me everything on the list
18:49You'll be pulling each other's horns from now on
18:51Pitter-patter
18:57So far
19:00Fuck was he a beaker
19:18Like he would not stop Beacon
19:20That shit is the worst
19:22I was right
19:23Stick to the task at hand, pal
19:25Keep trap shut, throw bombs
19:27I wouldn't say shit if my mouth was full of it
19:30Haven't seen that many hits since Good Charlotte played Warped Tour
19:33Yeah, more like
19:34Not very good Charlotte
19:36I always like no effects
19:38Yes, FX
19:39Big fucking day, Derry
19:42Big fucking day
19:43Big fucking day
19:44Birthday Beats
19:45Your special day, Derry
19:47Birthday Beats
19:47Ow
19:49Oh, that's not polite, Katie
19:52You really are a sally
19:54It's the most action I've seen since I gave the Derry cows
19:56Keeps a good scrubbing
19:58I don't need to know that
19:59You're pretty good at wrestling there, Katie
20:02And that's what I appreciates about you
20:04Is that what you appreciate about me?
20:07Let's go easy over there, Squirrely Dan
20:09Yeah
20:10Oh, hey
20:11Look at you, ground
20:12So tell me about this guy, Joint Boy
20:15Well, I'm not gonna sugarcoach it for you, Wayne
20:18This guy looks like an Australian rugby's player chiseled out of stones
20:22Uh-oh
20:23He's got legs on him like tree trunks
20:25Is that a deciduous tree or a coniferous tree?
20:28What?
20:29Well, there's a difference
20:31If we're talking about, like, a maple tree
20:33Which is thick and deciduous
20:35Or a Christmas tree
20:37Which is thin and coniferous
20:39Yeah, but both is hards and made of woods, right?
20:43There's a difference, all I'm saying
20:44What type of tree is a coconut tree?
20:47It's a palm tree
20:48How do you know?
20:51Well, it's like the internet
20:52Oh
20:53Anyways, back's to Joint Boy
20:55How come I'd never heard of him before?
20:58Oh, he just got out of jail
20:59He was arrested for assaults
21:01After he beats the shits out of a guy
21:03For pushing up on his sister
21:04He got this big entourage
21:06Of guys, bald-headed, bearded dudes
21:08What looks like a whole bunch of surly uncles
21:11Think we should call the ginger?
21:14No
21:21Why not? He's tougher than hell
21:23Yeah, but
21:24Like you heard he fucked an ostrich, right?
21:34He what?
21:36He fucked an ostrich
21:38Allegedly
21:40How does a fella get caught up in that sort of business?
21:44Well
21:44I guess his cousin
21:46Had an ostrich farm
21:49When he thought it might be fun to fuck one
21:53Allegedly
21:54So he got hard
21:56So somehow
21:58When he fucked an ostrich
22:02That's fucked
22:06That's a felony
22:08So we use him in emergencies only then?
22:16I should say
22:17That's a felony
22:19Soon
22:33Well, I'll be the happiest
22:36Of my life
22:38よろしく
22:40I'll be the richest
22:40Goodbye
22:41Derry, hey Derry, this one's for you, aww, hey, joint voice here.
23:11Which one of you's is Wayne.
23:18That's some business.
23:25You're interrupting a party for my best pal that my little sister worked pretty hard to put on.
23:33Hold it.
23:36May I sort this out now, please?
23:40Goddamn right you may.
23:43Don't lose.
24:03You had yourself a scrap the other weekend of Modine's.
24:07What's it to you?
24:07I'm about to do pretty banged up.
24:11I heard he kicked a slow-learned fella in the bum when he was having a piss.
24:19That slow-learned fella is my second cousin.
24:23Kay?
24:24Even the toughest guy, Letterkenny, is important to me.
24:30I'm sure it is to you too, but we're all hicks here.
24:34You done me a favor, so I'd be willing to shake your head and call it a day.
24:48I didn't do you no favors.
24:51Because I don't know who the fuck you are.
24:53We done talking?
24:58We done talking?
24:58We done talking?
24:58We done talking?
24:58I don't know who the fuck you are.
24:59I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:00I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:01I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:01I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:02I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:03I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:03I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:04I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:05I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:06I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:07I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:08I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:09I don't know who the fuck you are.
25:10I don't know who the fuck you are.
29:23Yeah, you know that movie with the guy who whispers the horses broke back mountain?
29:39No, no, that's the toughest guy in Letterkenny.
29:53Yeah, you know that movie with the guy who whispers the horses.
30:23Yeah, you know that movie with the guy who whispers the horses.
30:53Yeah, you know that movie with the man who whispers the horses.
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