Redefining what it means to have a "ballerina body"

Brut America

"I felt that if I wanted to be successful as a ballet dancer, I needed to be as thin as possible."   After overcoming an eating disorder, this ballerina is fighting to make ballet inclusive to dancers of all shapes and sizes.

Transcript

00:00I think ballet can be really toxic for people.

00:06Historically, it has been very white, very thin, very cisgender.

00:18Each day that I put myself out there, it makes it okay for others to put themselves out there

00:23as well.

00:24For others to see themselves seen in the ballet world.

00:27For kids growing up to see someone who looks like me and to feel like maybe they can do

00:32it too.

00:54I didn't see body diversity in the ballet world when I was growing up, which really

00:59contributed a lot to my issues with self-worth as a dancer, to my struggles with body image.

01:04And really, I mean, I didn't see anyone performing on stage when I would go see companies perform.

01:10I didn't see anyone in dance magazines, dance catalogs.

01:18The culture and expectations of the dance world, specifically the ballet world, certainly

01:22contributed to my eating disorder, but definitely wasn't the only cause.

01:27But the culture of ballet, especially with how it idealizes thinness even more severely

01:33than our general culture does, really made me hyper-focus on that because I felt that

01:38if I wanted to be successful as a ballet dancer, I needed to be as thin as possible, especially

01:44as someone who grew up in a slightly larger body.

01:51To truly put my eating disorder behind me, I needed to have some time away from dance.

01:56I needed to have not just the extra time in my week, but I needed that brain space to

02:01reevaluate what I wanted ballet to look like for me.

02:05I needed to reevaluate, you know, was ballet something I really still enjoyed?

02:09Was I doing it because I loved it or was I doing it because I wanted to continue manipulating

02:13my body?

02:14Every day, I post ballet photos and videos on my Instagram and I put myself out there

02:29and celebrate myself for where I'm at, for where my body is, for who I am.

02:35And that can be really scary because while I get a lot of support, I do get hate as well.

02:49It is really for the black sheep of this dance world.

02:53People who may have felt pushed away because of their size, because of their gender, because

02:59of their race, because of their disability, because of their sexual orientation, basically

03:04anyone who has felt that they didn't belong in this classical ballet world, Brian wanted

03:10to make a place where they could be celebrated, where they could be appreciated, where they

03:14could be treated as the professional artists they are.

03:17And with being a virtual company, we can bring our works to people who otherwise might not

03:22be able to have professional ballet in their lives.

03:42I am currently interning at a group practice specializing primarily in treating eating

03:47disorders, body image concerns, and trauma.

03:51And I wanted to specialize in these areas because of my own healing journey, my own

03:55recovery.

03:56The therapists that I've had along the way have been so instrumental in my healing and

04:01they were able to help me tap into my own inner resources.

04:05We just need some guidance in cultivating these resources within ourselves and wanting

04:10to be able to make eating disorder treatment more accessible, wanting to be able to make

04:15it more ethical, wanting to be able to help others in the way that I have been helped.

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