00:00I was so caught up in like k-pop in general like the fame the glamour like having fans and like
00:05You know all of that that I was just like no, I just need to make it through
00:18Obviously like the industry is like pretty toxic like body image wise or like even
00:23seniority based it's like very it's very cutthroat the company packages you in a certain way
00:29And you kind of like have to follow that image
00:32My image was kind of like cute like American, but like, you know, sometimes I want to get mad
00:37You know, like sometimes I want to like like not act like that
00:52Just like got the call one day and they're like, you know what we actually kind of like want you because you know
00:57You're like Chinese American you can like speak two languages and then like you'll have Korean in the bag
01:02So for the first few months I was kind of like mmm like paying for lessons and then I think by the third month
01:32They were like, we think she's okay
01:40Creates like very clear like your levels and like based on the levels you have to like change your grammar
01:46You have to like add certain words to the end of sentences and like I would always forget
01:51Because I just like wasn't used to it and like you had to bow down and these things were just like very shocking to me
02:02After all these lessons were done with we would go back to individual training and we'd usually train to like maybe like 2-3 a.m.
02:25Body image is a huge thing in the kpop industry
02:29I think it's really all about numbers. It's kind of like how much you weigh on the scale. They're like, we don't want muscles
02:36We just want you to lose weight and like look skinny for women's usually like the skinnier
02:40The smaller the number the better we weight ourselves every two days in front of like teachers the company and so
02:48Like if you didn't get to that way, it was really embarrassing
02:50You'd kind of be like shouted at and like be like, oh my god, you're so fat
02:53They would say like you can't debut if you're like this way because you know, like TV makes you look fatter
03:16The very first day I think I was up for like maybe like
03:2018 hours with like makeup on like full like costume just because we were like waiting there
03:26That like one episode took so long to film. It's like it was like crazy and it was like cold
03:32They would be like you can't go to sleep. You can't remove your makeup because you're on standby
03:43You would say like 10 things and then we just put in one you have no freedom at that point or like no control over
03:49Your own life you kind of just like listen to what the company says listen to what your elders say and you just like go
03:54As is I don't know maybe like growing up in America. Like it's just like we're all about like, you know individuality
03:59But um, yeah that part was kind of hard for me
04:07I was like so fed up at that point. I was just like I just want to go back
04:10I just wanted to like be normal, especially freshman year. It was like a big change in life and I was missing out on that
04:17So I guess I had FOMO pop stars, you know, they're like usually there's like a short lifespan
04:23You know what?
04:23I mean
04:24you kind of get like thrown out later on when it hit me like, you know when I was like writing college essays or
04:29Like doing like these like interviews. I was like, oh my gosh, I did that like what like I did that
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