Children's author Keith Negley redefines masculinity

Brut America

"It's OK to show yourself not being tough. That was my way of showing bravery."   Children's author Keith Negley tells us about the book he wrote for his son — and all boys. The Global Boyhood Initiative wants boys to be boys by embracing their emotions, too.

Transcript

00:00What do you wish you would have said if you were able to tell him?

00:03Oh, he was trying to get me to cry. I would have said, Dad, I need help.

00:07I guess I would have wanted to hear him say, yeah, I was bullied too.

00:11Like, this happened to me too, and it sucks. And you could push back if you want,

00:18and I would support you. Or you can let it roll off you and turn the other cheek,

00:23and I would support that. You can go to your principal and ask him to do something.

00:28Whatever you need to do, I'm here, and I'll support you,

00:31and I'm going to be proud of you either way. That's what I would have liked to have heard.

00:57What was it like growing up?

01:01Growing up as a child under my dad and my mom, to some extent, I definitely felt like I had to

01:10behave a very certain way. And again, I don't blame them at all. I love my dad,

01:17but I certainly felt that I didn't have the freedom to express myself. My dad was very

01:26walled off emotionally. The idea of even mentioning this to him didn't even occur to me.

01:30Like, it never even entered into my mind. Actually, this is the first time I've actually

01:35even thought about what that would have been like.

01:45My son was getting into kindergarten. He was five, and he started to show a lot of

01:52symptoms of social anxiety. He would have to share a toy, and he would feel

01:57anger or guilt or shame because he stole the toy from someone. And having them all happen

02:02simultaneously, just kind of overloading him and seeing him shut down, it reminded me a lot of

02:08myself as a kid. So it had characters that my son was into, superheroes and ninjas, but then

02:24also had this message of belonging and acceptance and showing his characters that he identified with

02:31is also showing them being vulnerable. They also have bad days, and they also have emotions, and

02:37it's okay to show yourself not being tough. So I guess that was my way of showing bravery.

02:46Now that I look back on it, that was my way of showing bravery.

03:06I don't think we do allow boys to be their true selves today. Like, I'll even struggle. I have a

03:19hard time sometimes not saying that to my kids. Like, oh, man up. You can do this. It's not a big

03:25deal. But one thing I work really hard at doing is letting my kids know, my boys know, when I do

03:30make a mistake, I own up to it, and I let them know that dads make mistakes.

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