00:00What about fear?
00:06Fears?
00:07Gaano kakatakot when you decided to come out in public and speak about your mom?
00:13And the journey and the mental health journey of mama?
00:16Those are two different things.
00:18Okay.
00:19Two different things.
00:20Two different things.
00:21Yes.
00:22I think nung 2019, hindi na ako ganon katakot, kaya ako nagsalita na.
00:26I was in a better place to share it.
00:28And it was the best, I guess, way to share it.
00:32Oh, how beautiful.
00:34Beautiful.
00:35Pero dati may takot ka.
00:37Oo.
00:38Nung bago ako sa industriya.
00:39At ang takot mo, at ang gagaling saan?
00:41Hindi pa siya ganon ka.
00:44Ka-widely understood.
00:46And until now, I mean, or accepted.
00:49You know, it was not talked about.
00:51I was new in the industry.
00:53What do you say?
00:54How do you say that?
00:55I didn't, in the beginning, want to build a name based on that.
00:59Because you will be branded as that.
01:02But that was going to be your story.
01:04Nanay niya ay.
01:06So when they would ask me, I would just say, she died.
01:09And they were always free to assume whatever they wanted.
01:12But you can't even say it now, Isa.
01:14I can.
01:15Am I allowed to?
01:16Yes.
01:17So yes, in 2019, I lost my mother.
01:21She died by suicide.
01:23And wow, I didn't realize it would carry that weight still.
01:30But yeah, I don't say it proudly.
01:33I don't want to attach anything to it except truth.
01:38And grief, of course.
01:41That's the only thing I attach to it.
01:44No longer shame nor fear.
01:47No longer anything worry.
01:57Because at that time, the worry was, what if that's my path?
02:04How does that affect me?
02:06But now, it's, alam mo yun, Tito Boy.
02:10When people say, I lost my mom to cancer.
02:13Yes.
02:14I mean, people, my mother was sick.
02:17She was bipolar.
02:19She battled with this since I was a child.
02:24Bata pa lamang po ako, ay nakikita ko na ang laban ng nanay ko.
02:30Dilim ilaw, dilim ilaw.
02:33And a lot of that you didn't understand.
02:35I didn't understand the way I understand now.
02:39But I had to face it day in and day out.
02:43At marami siya.
02:44It comes with a lot of things, Tito Boy.
02:46And the stigma.
02:47Naalala ko yung kwentuhan natin.
02:49Bata ka pa, nasasabihang ka ng, baliw ang mama.
02:52And that must have been painful.
02:55Yes. Mahirap po. Mahirap pong karga yun.
03:00Kasi may shame yun. May takot at may shame. Nakasama yun.
03:04Kaya hindi mo mailabas dahil doon sa shame na yun.
03:07Doon sa shame na yun.
03:08Hindi ko din siya maintindihan.
03:10It was embarrassing.
03:12To hear that.
03:14Pero now, you can't even say that anymore.
03:18It's no longer politically correct.
03:20No. Not just politically correct.
03:22It is not human.
03:23It's not correct and human.
03:24Yeah. It is not human to say that.
03:26Pero Isa, ngayon, as a mother, as a woman,
03:29naging ano ka dahil sa lahat ng itong pinagdaanan mo?
03:33Great question.
03:34Naging mas matatag ako.
03:37Alam ko, dahil sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko sa buhay,
03:42bata pa lamang ako,
03:43hindi lamang sa pagkamatay ng aking nanay,
03:46kundi sa pinagdaanan namin bilang pamilya.
03:49Kasi you all, there are paths to choose from.
03:54And one, this is what happened to me.
03:57So, talking about narratives that we put in our heads,
04:02I really chose to believe that I will do everything I can
04:08to have a better path than my mother.
04:12Whatever that takes, and it takes a lot of work, Tito Boy.
04:17Deliberate, conscious work.
04:19And sometimes, the subconscious still wins.
04:22Tao lang po ako.
04:23Tama.
04:24Lahat tayo, we fight with our own demons inside.
04:27Tag of war.
04:28It's a war that happens inside us.
04:33And lagi ko lang kinakapitan yung light,
04:36because we are all made of light as well.
04:41So, lagi ko lang yun.
04:42Kaya laban talaga, laban lagi.
04:44Light and love.
04:45And thank you for sharing that story.
04:46Laban light.
04:47Oo, diba?
04:48Laban light, yun lang ako lagi.
04:50Laban light.
04:51Okay.
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