Tributes to Strood mum Stella Toner whose body was found in River Medway near Rochester as family fundraise in her memory

KentOnline / KMTV

Her daughter, Kirsty is now training for the London Marathon in her name, meanwhile her son, Conor, is organising a fundraising weekend at a pub in Rochester

Transcript

00:00Thank you Kirsty. Let's start with your mum. What was your mum like?

00:03Oh, my mum was the hostess of the mostess. She was just such a people's person and she

00:10always wanted to do things for other people. But yeah, she was the life and soul of any

00:15party and any company.

00:17Yeah, and can you take us back to the time when you heard all of the news? That must

00:23have been really awful.

00:24Yeah, it was crazy. So, at the time I was driving back from my best friend's hen do

00:32and I spoke to my mum at two o'clock and I said to her, I'm making good time, I'll come

00:36see you. And I got home and she wasn't home. And then that was about five o'clock and then

00:43it got to about 11pm. We just kept ringing her and heard nothing. And then Wednesday

00:49her bag was found and then the Thursday her shoes were found and then her body was found

00:54on Friday. So, it was just a surreal subject. You see all these documentaries on TV, on

01:00Netflix, but you never think it happened to you.

01:03No, and it's, I think one of the things that's really clear from seeing what happened at

01:08the time and the articles that came online have written and from hearing about your story

01:14is how well loved she was and how much the community banded together in the search efforts

01:22as well.

01:23Yeah, there was not any lamppost or corner I looked at that didn't have my mum's face

01:28on. So, yeah, no, it was amazing and I'm extremely grateful for people and it just shows that

01:33social media has such a strong platform and can have a positive impact because I was able,

01:39we as a family, was able to have a funeral and take my mum back home.

01:42Yeah, and about that fundraising, that was something that we're going to talk about.

01:46All the social media, you know, and the campaigning and saying how that's obviously, that focus

01:51now changed into StellaFest, into your marathon exploits. So, tell us a little bit about both

02:00of those events and how they've been going and what viewers can expect with them.

02:07So, StellaFest will be doing on the 1st and 2nd of March. So, it links into the London

02:12Marathon. I wasn't a runner before, but now I am somehow. So, yeah, so all we want to

02:19do is, we couldn't save my mum and I feel like addiction is a taboo subject. It's so

02:26easy on the drink side to go to the local pub or go to a supermarket and if you have

02:33a stressful day, you can have a glass of wine. If you have a bad day, like you have

02:38a glass of wine on a good day and it just can spiral out of control. So, I think Open

02:41Road is a small charity. They're based in Kent and Essex. There's only one in Kent,

02:47so Chatham, and I just kind of want to raise funds on such a sad subject of ours at the

02:53time to kind of give back to the community and give people support, whether that's just

03:01having a cup of tea, coffee or talking about things and getting onto a recovery programme

03:06because anybody with addiction doesn't want to be that person. So, I think if I can get

03:13their name out there, Open Road, then I'm doing the job and it meant so much to my mum.

03:21They loved my mum. It was the second family, so yeah.

03:23Yeah, and you're now an ambassador, right?

03:25Yes, they asked me last week. So, that was a surreal thing. So, I'm the only patron in

03:31Kent. But yeah, I will keep on fundraising. My next task is that I want to try and get

03:40fencing up where the Esplanade is, so nobody can access that easily.

03:45And you know, we're talking about the fundraising and the campaigning and that is very important

03:50but also just having an outlet for people who are in need to talk to someone, to have

03:55that voice that can help them in their really difficult time. Tell us a bit about that,

04:01about the personal element that's so important.

04:04So, like I said, addiction is a taboo subject. I think when you have an illness, which addiction

04:11is, if you heard that you've got cancer, you would go to every chemotherapy going. So,

04:17with addiction, your therapy is to get counselling or go on a recovery programme. So, to raise

04:24funds for a small charity for other people to access that is hugely and widely important.

04:30And I want people to know that there isn't a stigma and you can get through this with

04:38help and support. And I think the more funds that are raised goes a huge way. When my mum

04:43passed away, for the funeral, we asked for donations and I think we raised nearly £3,000

04:49and there's now a cafe in Kent within Open Roads for people to talk and have a coffee.

04:55It's an amazing impact and really important. So, like you said, you've got those physical

05:02elements that you're working towards, the fencing that you're talking about on the Esplanade

05:08and the legacy that that could create from something that was so tragic and has had such

05:14deep impact on you and your family. What does it mean that there could be this really

05:19positive legacy that comes from it that helps countless others?

05:22Do you know what? I think my mum would be proud in that sense. I think it's very easy

05:27to reflect on the negatives, but the legacy is that my mum's name will still stay alive

05:34and for people to kind of resonate with that. I think my mum went down the slippery slope

05:41of being an addict because she lost the purpose of being a mum and I think a lot of mums

05:47can relate to that. I think your children grow up, they move out and your parents are

05:51so used to relying on you and doing dinner. The empty nesting, kicking in.

05:55Yeah, and then they think, hold on, my children have moved out or grown up, I don't need to

06:00make them dinner anymore. What do I do with my daily life? So, hopefully the personal

06:06story resonates with people and yeah, we can make a difference.

06:11Yeah, and you've spoken to Medway Council about installing that, is that on track?

06:15Yeah, well, I've spoken to Kent Online and I'm going to try and rally up the correct

06:20emails to find out and yeah, because I think mental health is such a big thing and also

06:27where there's low fencing is right by the children's park. So, kids can easily just

06:33run it and the river is very, the current is very dangerous. So, there is no way of

06:39getting out, unfortunately. So, I think just to kind of put a positive impact and make

06:45the community much safer.

06:46Now, let's talk a little bit about, we're going to come on to your marathon training

06:52of which I'm definitely not envious of all the miles that you're going to have to do.

06:57But let's start with StellaFest and about what is going to take place. Tell us a little

07:02bit about StellaFest.

07:04So, StellaFest will be on the 1st and 2nd March. So, it links into the marathon, but

07:09I will be doing it every August, the date that my mum got found that weekend. So, it's

07:14just going to bring happiness. StellaFest is just about having a good time and bringing

07:21the community together and there's going to be a drag bingo, there's going to be live

07:27music, raffles. I have reached out to a lot of Medway retailers and businesses who've

07:35helped support with raffle prizes and silent auctions and just kind of give back and people

07:40reflect and we can just keep on that legacy and give back to such a small community as

07:45well.

07:46Yeah, and how can people get involved with StellaFest?

07:49So, just come along. So, it's going to be at the pub called The Rising Sun in Rochester.

07:56There's links everywhere. I've got posters everywhere. I've also got a Instagram page

08:02called StellaFest Official, so you can follow me there and I just keep up with the communication

08:08and it's, yeah, just come along to The Rising Sun, thank you very much.

08:11Now, let's get on to the marathon. You said right at the outset, running was not part

08:16of your, you know, what you were up to before doing this. How is the training going?

08:23It's going well. It's going well, so I say. I'm not going to put a time on it. The whole

08:29thing is just to complete it. I was one of those people who literally went on TikTok,

08:35saw everybody having that feeling, thought, I'll apply. I won't get in. At least I can

08:40impress people to say, I tried, but I did get in. So, yeah, I got through for the ballot

08:47and yeah, I'm going to be running for Open Road. But yeah, it's going really well. It's

08:51just, I want lighter mornings and want lighter evening. So the weather is now changing, but

08:57running through frost and snow is not the one.

09:01It's a bit of a baptism of fire, isn't it? Really. And with the, so you've got, it's

09:07April that the, or March?

09:09Yeah, April the 27th.

09:10April 27th. So what stage is it with the training now? Like, is it?

09:15So we are up to 18 miles.

09:18Wow.

09:19Yes. So I think I've got another eight miles to do. So yeah, every day is a different day.

09:26So I'm working on my pace. My longer runs are on the weekend, but yeah, I'm actually

09:31enjoying it. And I think for my mental health as well, it's been very good. And also the

09:38impact I'm having and there's more people thumb raise. I'm like, oh gosh, I've got to

09:42complete this marathon.

09:43Have you been organising this with your family as well?

09:46Yeah. So my brother mentioned it a while ago and said, why don't we make a positive

09:51impact and do it every August? And then I applied for the marathon and it's kind of

09:57now brought it forward. So we've got that. And then we'll probably do one in the summer,

10:02which will be probably much more outdoorsy, which would be really good because we're weather

10:07dependent at the moment.

10:08And for you personally, like knowing that you've already done 18 miles, that you're

10:12going to be working towards this amazing goal. What does that mean to you? And I also

10:17imagine that you've always got your mum in the front, back, all through your head while

10:22you're doing this, egging you on.

10:24Yeah. I feel like a lot of pressure, but I've got amazing family and friends and they're

10:29constantly supporting me. And I think it's going to be such an emotional run. But yeah,

10:37I think it's good for me that I feel like I'm giving back. And that's all I keep telling

10:43myself when I look at days that I think, oh gosh, it's too cold or too dark. And I think,

10:47do you know what? There's people kind of relying on me now. So pressure's on. Just don't put

10:52pressure on that there's a certain time, just complete it.

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