00:00Oh my god I'm gonna cry. No, don't cry, don't cry. Don't cry, everything's gonna be good.
00:04We're gonna be good. Scooby gang, get in the mystery machine, okay? Nardwire, get your
00:08research team out because it's time to play the game of Where in the World is Hawktua Girl?
00:13Like a feminine bigfoot, all of the internet's warriors have been on the scene looking for the
00:16welch on the loose. Where did she go? After her Hawktua coin controversy, she has been hard to
00:22spot, and she's becoming a modern-day human version of the Loch Ness Monster. Hawktua was
00:27the world's biggest meme star. This clip of a girl talking about spitting on that thing was
00:31so real and authentic that even I was singing praise of the late welch. Maybe she was the next
00:36step towards a cultural revolution in America. But then Hawktua coin dropped, and Hawktua has
00:41vanished to the shadows. Maybe if you say Hawktua three times fast in front of the mirror, she'll
00:45spawn in your home. But regardless, freaks online have tracked her every whereabouts, which honestly
00:50at this point is getting sad. She was last spotted at the time of this recording on a Twitter space
00:54where she was cutting someone off saying she needs to go to bed. She did not say Hawktua,
00:58unfortunately. Anywho, I'm gonna go to bed, and I'll see you guys tomorrow. I think that's what
01:04she needs to bring everybody back, you know, just like a slow zoom in to her face in a dark room
01:08like a movie trailer. Anyway, this Twitter space appearance ended with her saying she'll talk to
01:12everyone the next day, but that never happened, and some are scared she hasn't even woken up yet.
01:16Maybe she was eaten by Nosferatu in the morning. Her last Twitter post in general was weeks ago,
01:20all about the meme coin saying she's taking it seriously and working with her legal team,
01:24which was probably written by her legal team. And if you thought the internet wasn't already
01:27the most unhinged place to be in the modern world, like little geoguessrrainbolt, people
01:31have sleuthed her all online and they've found her at the beach, because I guess the paparazzi
01:35exists for memes now too. It used to be you'd see videos of Britney Spears just trying to go to the
01:38movie theater or something, but now it's Hawktua out at the beach. This was laced with some boring
01:42controversy as some internet sleuths with nothing better to do with their time spotted her wearing
01:46an expensive bikini, apparently worth $2,000 from Dior. Is this true? I have no idea. Does
01:51anyone know? No, probably not. Is it AI? Maybe. Was Hawktua ever real? I guess we'll find out.
01:56Maybe Hawktua Girl was… the friends we never mind. Maybe Hawktua Girl was actually an alien,
02:00the first one to escape from Area 51, and all those New Jersey drones took her back to her
02:04home planet. This bikini photo might actually be from a while back. But yeah, I mean, she has money,
02:08it's not that surprising to see her in a $1,000 bikini. What I'm more upset about is my $5 million
02:14loss to HawktuaCoin. I put everything on that. The house, the car, the wife, the kids. I want all
02:18of those assets back. Except the kids. The world beckons for more Hawktua, or actually maybe they
02:22don't, but… Her last Hawktua appearance was over a month ago. What will I do without my fix? I just
02:27learned Hawktua's pookie and it can't end just yet. Hilariously, her last podcast was all about
02:31how not to get cancelled, literally titled How to Avoid Being Cancelled, and as you can imagine,
02:36all the comments on YouTube are pointing that out. Maybe she planned it the whole time,
02:41this was her out. Who will hawk up a loogie and spit now? Who do we have left? Maybe we
02:44need a swallowing meme. Also, take a look at the recent Google Trends, which shows the
02:485 most popular search terms recently to do with Tua. Did the Hawktua girl die? Hawktua girl fan
02:54fix. Is the Hawktua girl dead? And my personal favorite, did the Hawktua girl go to jail?
02:59That's awesome. I will be protesting at the courtroom steps, just like Joker 2,
03:03for both Mangione and Hawktua girl. No matter what.
03:06Alert! Alert! Sound the press! This is unprecedented, but in the middle of the
03:10production of this video, Hayley Welch has been found. She's back with a new podcast episode,
03:14which has actually leaked online. Yeah, Tauktua is getting leaked, like it's the opening episode of
03:18an upcoming highly anticipated anime or something. She is apparently sitting down with FaZe Banks and
03:23other crypto bros in the podcast room, talking about the meme coin, about how she was basically
03:27dealing with some shady guy who brought her the deal, and she didn't know what she was getting
03:30into. And even Pookie lost money on Hawkcoin. No, Pookie. How's Pookie doing? Pookie lost money
03:38in it too. Oh, poor Pookie. He said, how are you going to take my money? I said, I didn't do it.
03:44That's so sad. That's so sad. He still gives me shit about it all the time. He's like,
03:48yeah, I wish I had my, can I say how much? I wish I had my $300 back. That's funny. Yeah, me too.
03:59I think now that I've seen that Pookie lost $300 on Hawktua coin, I will be donating my entire
04:04estate to Hawktua. She and Pookie deserve it after all this. Poor Pookie. No, I could really care
04:09less about this entire thing. Anyone who buys a meme coin has got to be wearing a spinning
04:13propeller cap and licking a giant lollipop. Like, you are not sentient and not conscious. It's over
04:18for you. Regardless, it seems as if Hawktua is back, and she might be here to stay. Punished,
04:24Hawktua. Watch out.
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