00:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:35the weary gunfighter walked slowly through the saloon the long miles from cheyenne had taken
00:42their toll who's saying that stuff he scanned the room with a suspicious eye years of being
00:48on the wrong side of the law had taught him that a tough man can get out of a situation
00:53but a smart man never gets himself into one please quit doing that i just want to have a
00:58shot of whiskey in peace but the gunfighter would find no peace for the henderson boys were waiting
01:04in the corner to kill him for the 200 bounty on his head is that true you boys trying to
01:12kill me
01:12like this voice is saying uh no lied the oldest henderson boy how do you know i'm lying the oldest
01:21henderson boy asked the air no i didn't ask the air i'm asking you your fucking voice
01:28said the oldest henderson boy would you please stop saying said the oldest henderson boy
01:32implored tommy the oldest henderson boy meanwhile the younger henderson's hand twitched by the
01:39colt peacemaker on his right hip he was thinking of shouting look out behind you to trick the
01:44gunfighter into turning around so he could shoot him in the back no i was not come on johnny again
01:49with the look behind you what were you gonna say was behind him this time uh nothing johnny lied
01:54he was going to say a bear bear johnny in a saloon johnny's face turned red he began wishing he
02:03was
02:03in a safe place at home in bed with his dolls what hey hey i ain't got no dolls to
02:12calm his nerves he
02:13pictured himself combing his doll's hair and pouring them each a cup of tea no wait wait wait you have
02:21tea parties with your dolls but something about the younger henderson's vulnerability opened a door
02:28in the gunfighter's heart nope no it didn't inside a sea of confusing emotions bubbled to the surface
02:35no he started imagining himself holding the younger henderson and stroking his greasy hair
02:41no he pictured his first kiss with the younger henderson no they both giggle at how clumsy it was
02:47they know the next one will be even better i'm seriously not picturing that but inside he was no
02:53i'm not but he was no i'm not and that's the final word
03:07but he was god damn it why don't you two go get a room hey why should we trust this
03:14voice anyway
03:15just then the gunfighter had an idea hey you me think of a number between one and a hundred
03:21and then we'll see if this voice really knows what we're thinking okay got it sally the whore
03:27began thinking of her favorite number which was 32 she then thought of her lady parts and how itchy
03:33they were before deciding to change her mind and go with 76 her second favorite number the voice is
03:40that's right 32 is my favorite number but then i changed my mind i went with 76
03:45ain't your cooch i was finishing something horrible since saturday bill you know anything about that
03:51oh no he did but we'll get to that in a minute looks like that voice really does know everything
03:59the gunfighter noticed for the first time that the bartender was black this was still unusual in the
04:05west but the gunfighter decided he was okay with it um thanks the people in the town prided themselves
04:14for their progressive attitudes about race that's right but would they still feel that way if they knew
04:19that sam had been sleeping with ned shilling's wife what relax ned all right i mean everyone has been
04:28with her guilty yeah you're right and elijah jessop's sister well sam has to die
04:37watch yourself jessa you best put that gun down i'll cut you in half
04:46that music seems kind of ominous don't it ominous what's that mean you know like like something
04:55bad's about to happen like a like a needless gunfight the stage was set for an awesome ballet of death
05:02blood would be spilled but who would be the first wait a second ballet of death what the hell i
05:09think
05:09this voice wants us to kill each other meanwhile the gunfighter saw his opening to shoot tommy dead
05:14no no no wait that that one really is a lie see my hands nowhere near my gun okay you
05:20got me that
05:21one wasn't true but this one is yesterday tommy henderson made sweet love to bill jessop's wife
05:27you made sweet love to our mama here's the thing about that oh you're dead henderson said gabriel who had
05:37recently delivered a load of cream to the back porch of his brother's wife
05:43he did her in the butt what how could you your own brother yet even as bill reacted with disgust
05:50the irony was not lost on you know what i see oh where are you going with this and i'm
05:55just gonna
05:56retract my disgust right now if that's possible for he had been regularly sneaking into paul valentine's
06:02barn okay you know we're good we're good here i think we should just move on where he'd been having
06:08sex with paul's favorite sheep martha oh boy martha bill martha that is why i've been so itchy
06:17you know what we all just need to take a deep breath here we're playing right into the voice's hands
06:23sure there's been a surprising amount of infidelity in this town and the bestiality should probably
06:29stop and i might be gay but if we start shooting the voice wins i think the voice is giving
06:36us an
06:36opportunity in a world where our deepest darkest secrets are unveiled one by one maybe we'll stop
06:42doing the things we're ashamed of and start to embrace the things about ourselves we're afraid to
06:47accept hell this could be the beginning of a new utopia a society based on fairness and tolerance where
06:54it don't matter if you're rich or poor or a woman let's not get carried away but the point is
07:01is that the
07:01voice is showing us the worst side of ourselves and we need to show it our best now who's with
07:08me
07:12it was a good speech and things might have turned out differently if the crowd never found out that
07:18the gunfighter had just last night shot and killed the youngest son of john mccullers because he quote
07:24had some breath that smelled like the ass end of a chinaman
07:32well you must be mr mccullers
07:49it was a true ballet of death when the gruesome bloodbath was over not a single person was left
07:59standing except for sally the itchy whore who celebrated by scratching her front porch
08:10little did she know she would be mauled to death by a rabid wolf the very next day
08:15well fuck
08:17so
08:20so
08:29so
08:30so
08:32so
08:34so
08:34so
Comments