ENTRE NOUS Elizabeth

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00:00Well, it's the fall school holiday here in France, and for many kids, it's a time to

00:04forget about classes and homework and just kick back and relax.

00:09But for many kids today, relaxing means playing around with their phones.

00:13We're going to take a closer look at what parents can do to try and keep that phone

00:16use in check today with our digital parenting expert, Elizabeth Milovidov, who joins me

00:20now live from London.

00:22Hi, Elizabeth.

00:23Hi there, Jeannie.

00:24How are you?

00:25How are you?

00:26So many parents we know often tear their hair out over their kids' use of social media,

00:30particularly things like Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat.

00:33So first of all, I want you to kind of break it down a bit for us.

00:36Let's go through them one by one and give us some tips on how to stay on top of each

00:39of these.

00:40Let's start with Instagram.

00:41Sure.

00:42So with Instagram, I think I want parents to also just realize, you know, you can do

00:46this, so be calm.

00:48So with Instagram, I want you to think about privacy.

00:51I want you to think about controlling those interactions and also the type of content

00:55that your children are putting out there that your teens are also seeing.

00:59So again, take a step back, and the only way that you're going to be able to find these

01:02things out is if you are actually talking to your teens and asking them about their

01:07activities online.

01:08So first you said Instagram, what's next?

01:10So first, but just a quick question about that.

01:12So the privacy settings, are they difficult to figure out on Instagram?

01:15I mean, how do you go about that if you're a bit of a newbie?

01:17Oh, I love this question.

01:18Thank you, Jeannie.

01:19So if you are having any sort of difficulty, then please go onto your website, go onto

01:24Instagram, and look for the parenting center.

01:28So any of the family centers for Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, they will walk you through

01:33the steps for you to understand how to do privacy settings, how to do parental controls.

01:38It's all there, and they usually do screenshots, so page by page to guide you through, but

01:43you have to ask.

01:44I think that's exactly it.

01:45I think a lot of people are so overwhelmed or scared by something they don't know that

01:48they don't want to ask, but good to know that Instagram makes it easy.

01:51Okay, that's for that.

01:52This is the big one in my house.

01:53How about TikTok?

01:54Right.

01:55So TikTok for sure.

01:56It is a big one.

01:57And I will say that with the algorithm, with the challenges, I mean, there's all sorts

02:01of things that our kids can be seeing that we don't want them to see.

02:04So the three really important things here is thinking about family pairing.

02:09So that is something that TikTok has put together for parents to be able to pair the accounts

02:15to guide their teens as they use this.

02:19Also privacy.

02:20You're never going to get away from this.

02:21Privacy is always the most important thing.

02:23We're going to go into those privacy settings.

02:25We are going to make sure that the For You page, that's what your child is able to see,

02:30that it's really just friends that they're following.

02:33And then lastly, that content creation.

02:35What is your child creating?

02:37What are they putting out there?

02:39Because TikTok is that place for singing and dancing, and also they can earn some money

02:43there, too.

02:44So we really want to guide them into your expectations of what the type of content looks

02:51like that they should be putting out.

02:52As well as what they are seeing.

02:54So just a quick question on that family pairing mode.

02:57So that's a way that the parent from their own phone can keep an eye on what the child

03:00is doing on their phone with TikTok?

03:03Exactly.

03:04Exactly.

03:05And so again, this was something that TikTok, they listened to parents saying, hey, we're

03:08not quite understanding what our children are doing.

03:10They provided these measures, again, as most of the social media platforms do have measures

03:16and centers and guides to help parents, but you have to get in there.

03:20Family pairing is not simple, but it is doable.

03:23Okay.

03:24I'm going to, next time we talk, Elizabeth, I'll tell you how I did on that one.

03:27I'm going to do that as soon as I get home.

03:28Okay.

03:29Another one that a lot of parents, of course, talk about, I think it seems to hit maybe

03:31older kids, is Snapchat.

03:33Right.

03:34So Snapchat, right.

03:35The three things that we're talking about here is who can contact you.

03:39Snap maps.

03:40Oh my goodness.

03:41So a snap map is a way that with geolocalization that your children can be seen.

03:45So we can see where they are.

03:48And the last one is probably snap streaks.

03:50So this is where your children are taking snaps or they're continuing their stories

03:54and they are trying to have a streak, which can lead to a bit of excessive use.

03:59So you want to talk to them about that, especially when you're on vacation, because they might

04:03want to keep those streaks going.

04:05And if you take the phone to where they're going to say, oh mom, oh dad, what have you

04:08done to me?

04:09Okay.

04:10Let's talk about talking.

04:11Are there any words, specific things parents should say, a good way to start these conversations

04:14with their kids?

04:15Oh my goodness.

04:16For sure.

04:17So anytime that we are looking at conversation starters, we're looking at, you know, how,

04:21how does this content make you feel?

04:23If you're seeing anything upsetting, I believe you're looking at a few right now that are

04:27on the screen for, for parents.

04:29But the basic idea is to get in there and, and find out what their online lives are about.

04:34But you're not doing this in any sort of authoritative, you know, I'm here to tell you everything

04:40way.

04:41You're curious and you want to share with them.

04:42You want to be a role model.

04:43You want to let them know about your values and your expectations.

04:46Yeah, I agree.

04:48I think curiosity, at least in my household can, can go a long way.

04:50Just before you go, Elizabeth, give us some concrete examples of things that perhaps work

04:53for you or other people, you know.

04:55Yeah.

04:56So the biggest one that I have just discovered with parents, you know, in my digital parenting

05:00community sharing with me is this idea of, do you need a hug, an ear or advice?

05:06And so what this means is that you just asked your teen, what do they need from you?

05:10Instead of us diving in there trying to give them advice or tell them to get off, ask them

05:14because sometimes they just want us to listen.

05:17Sometimes they just want a hug and sometimes they do want our advice.

05:21Another tip that I've had from years ago was this idea, don't go into lecture mode.

05:26Do not sit there and speak to your child for an hour and give them a 60 minute lecture.

05:30I just heard Elizabeth speaking about this.

05:32No, go in one minute a day for 60 days.

05:36Be consistent.

05:37How was your day online?

05:38How are you doing online?

05:39Hug, ear, support.

05:41How can I help you?

05:42All right.

05:43That's fantastic.

05:44That's all the advice from you, Elizabeth Malovi-Doug, our digital parenting expert.

05:47Thank you so much.

05:48And don't forget, if you want to get more information, there's a lot of great stuff

05:51on the digital parenting community on Facebook.

05:54Be sure to check it out.

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