00:00Oh my god.
00:02When I open, uh, when I open the door, he's just like this.
00:08Welcome to Ms. Mojo, and this is SNL hosts
00:11breaking for 13 minutes straight.
00:14Did y'all get the knocker stuff?
00:16No, no knocker stuff, sorry.
00:18Speaking of, speaking of.
00:20You're going to want that coconut mint.
00:34Last night, I saw a fancy dance.
00:40I would never fire any person in this room, except for Carl.
00:44Oh no, except for Carl.
00:47Little pig boy.
00:51Uh, could you use it in a sentence?
00:57Little pig boy.
01:00Hi, who is this?
01:01I am Spectrum.
01:05The source.
01:07The nexus.
01:08The provider.
01:11We all know that the moon is not made of green cheese.
01:16Yes, that's true, Harry.
01:18But, but what if it were made of barbecue spare ribs?
01:22Would you eat it then?
01:24What?
01:29Sir, you're not too bright, are you, Fern?
01:32I mean, whatever your name was.
01:37And why the news called us the place that man did those things.
01:46You should be ashamed of yourselves.
01:51He was in the operating room with me.
01:53He has something he wants to tell you.
01:56Oh, I was carried down gently.
02:02He's crying.
02:03I was carried down gently in a cradle of light and placed into a soft bed of wildflowers.
02:14Okay.
02:19Maybe leather isn't right for me.
02:23Why are you doing this?
02:30Please, what are you doing?
02:40So how did you learn to sew corks?
02:44Sew corks.
02:46We submitted to his ravenous desires.
02:51As the three of us became one with the great eagle spirit.
03:04You put them right next to each other.
03:07They're not even sitting like they do on the show.
03:10You two really don't know that you look like beavers and buttheads.
03:13How come the Allstate guy gets to work?
03:20Snow.
03:22I want to go outside and touch upon snow.
03:27And your mouth like strickles and your mind like chickens.
03:36Yes, I had two bones.
03:39That is so crazy.
03:41What are you saying, Brad?
03:48Now wait a cotton-picking minute, Uncle Ben.
03:54After my divorce, I moved to Mombasa and was taken in by the Maasai tribe, where I was ordained as a minister of joy.
04:03Me too.
04:05I am cuckoot and pruneshooter until the place open up.
04:17Situated between the DMV and a darkened sonic, it's the location that will make your Uber driver say,
04:23You sure?
04:32And breakfast.
04:35If this greenhouse effect keeps up, we'll all be living underwater.
04:49Head down a passageway like cradled by a web felt like a fuzzy mitten.
04:57I have no idea what that means, but redemption song.
05:04It is a song.
05:07The rhythm, the drums, the pounding.
05:13The fanning yourself with a palm between rounds.
05:22Would you care to see my bed adorned with hibiscus petals?
05:26And my photo of me?
05:29And Gina Davis.
05:32Gina, you know, you could always call them croutons.
05:36While he is soaking his cork, while he soaks mine.
05:44And drag his bare lily white butt across the swamp to put out that ass fire.
05:56And I live in a van down by the river.
06:14You know, I'm wearing my see-through robe.
06:19So when they saw, you know, that I was packing the trolls.
06:24He's just that good to me.
06:26So, girl, you gotta go.
06:29For real, you gotta go.
06:35It's when you sit on Billy Joel's hand until it's numb, and then you rub yourself with it.
06:45Would you?
06:49I'm confused.
06:50It's a simple question, doctor.
06:55Wait, why does it have to be numb?
06:58So you can pretend it's Bruce Springsteen's hand.
07:09I've heard rumblings that I look like someone from TV, but it's just...
07:16Maybe it's this famous person, I don't know.
07:21I found such a deep, deep connection there.
07:27You know, I've noticed that all the cork soakers are men.
07:30Do women make good soakers?
07:33You girls know how it is.
07:37No, we don't.
07:39Is that a thing that happens?
07:43Nothing at all.
07:53Todd's junk has whipped the greys into a frenzy.
07:58They got him stood up like, well, Todd, you mind?
08:02Hey!
08:05How about this mad cow disease?
08:09What about it?
08:11Uh, country of origin?
08:14Little pig boy comes from the dirt.
08:18He's a weaselly little mud grub who needs to be stood on.
08:21Little pig boy.
08:29That wasn't supposed to happen.
08:31Oh, man, it cooled off.
08:32Okay.
08:35Okay.
08:37I'll go get some water.
08:38All right.
08:39Father is right.
08:40Jesus was born on the cross, died for our sins, and three days later, he's going to raise up into heaven.
08:46Ricky!
08:49What?
08:51I'm sorry if I said anything that made you uncomfortable.
08:56But seriously.
09:04He said he got chased by a dog.
09:07Okay.
09:08Okay.
09:09Lisa.
09:10Okay.
09:11I said careful, buddy, last time I pulled on one that hard, cop changed his mind and did write me a ticket.
09:20Wow, this soaking course really seems like a family business.
09:24So, does your wife like soaking... soaking course?
09:31You can feel it in your stomach.
09:38Tell your translation that you want to see Africa all the days.
09:45From Angola to Jamaica.
09:48Yeah.
09:49I'm very busy, too.
09:51And this is honestly the first time I've ever heard that I look like this butthead person.
09:58Look at Pete Davidson's lips.
10:05Oopsie doopsie, I'm off to Africa.
10:10You have great skin.
10:13What is your secret?
10:17Everything okay?
10:20He got some match.
10:24Is this you?
10:28Hi, I'm Dean.
10:30I'm Dean.
10:31Jeff, nice to meet you.
10:32Nice to meet you, too.
10:33If you had a choice between being the top scientist in your field or getting mad cow disease, what would it be?
10:42Of course I would choose to be the top scientist in my field.
10:45You know, we all can't be brainy like Fern here.
10:57Okay, can you cancel my cable?
11:01There is nothing I cannot do.
11:04For I am made of pure data.
11:11We're going to the Dolce & Gabbana show.
11:13I'm going to ask if you have your bags packed for me.
11:18Okay, I guess I'll give it a shot.
11:21Little pig boy.
11:23You are totally ruining my trip to Texas.
11:27I didn't say a word during It's a Small World when you talked about low birth weight or during the fireworks when you went about feline AIDS.
11:35Lisa.
11:38Yes?
11:41We've covered a lot of ground, shared a few laughs.
11:44Thanks for coming on.
11:46My pleasure.
11:47We're sorry.
11:48We have one more thing to say, and we hope this gets you closer.
11:52That's for me.
11:54I've got my Jack Bean bag packed already.
11:59My boss met us.
12:04My boss met us saying au revoir.
12:11Got a thank you shot.
12:13Extremely stupid people are discriminated against all the time.
12:17And I should know, and so should Fern, because we are.
12:22Funeral for Amp, who died driving the wrong way on the Taconic State Parkway.
12:28This is all really so fascinating, so do you think that one of you could teach me how to sew?
12:34Sew forks?
12:37Well, that's the way the popcorn pops.
12:42Back to the drawing board.
12:44You're going to be doing a lot of doobie rolling when you're living in a van down by the river.
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