00:00With what happened to me, parang akong nabaliktad, all of a sudden, you know, your reputation
00:12is tarnished and you can never get it back.
00:16And then, yun nga, parang I had to slowly learn to release yung parang death grip ko
00:21and a good reputation, and that's my identity.
00:24Yun yung kailangan kong bagui.
00:27And what really needed work pala was my inside, hindi yung panlabas ko, the external stuff
00:33I do.
00:34Baligtad.
00:35Yes.
00:36It's actually my heart.
00:37There's a lot of dark things there na hindi ko alam dahil nga ang lakas ng exterior ko.
00:40Sinong tumulong sa'yo na makita yung, you know, na mapunta ka dun sa perspective na
00:47yun?
00:48Especially now, he's a big part of it kasi nga he's very honest.
00:51So he can really see like, oh, you know, you're doing that, but yung ilalim mo parang hindi,
00:59you're not really happy.
01:00You look happy, but you're not really happy.
01:02What's there?
01:03So magaling siya magkot-kot.
01:06But yeah, but of course, initially, yung journey ko, before I get married, there was a lot
01:09of women then.
01:10I was shocked.
01:11I was introduced to women na sobrang brutal din with their struggles and very honest.
01:16Na parang, oh, ito yung sablay ko, na yes, I went through this trauma, but actually what
01:22dug me into a deeper hole was my response, not the trauma.
01:26Paano mo na-achieve yung pivot?
01:29I'm not sure.
01:31I think it was around 2010, late 2010.
01:35Parang, yun nga, I saw my part in it.
01:39Kasi for the longest time, I couldn't see what I did wrong.
01:43Or parang the thought was, what did I do to deserve something this big?
01:47Wala naman akong pinatay na tao.
01:49Hindi naman ako, you know.
01:51I'm not an addict or a rapist or whatever.
01:53But to me, that's a fair question, ha?
01:55Yes.
01:56Sorry, but that's a fair question.
01:57Yeah, it's very fair.
01:58Well, I can't talk about this without going into God.
02:02Yes.
02:03Kasi yun nga, eh, parang I saw things from my perspective.
02:07If I am the, parang kumbaga, standard, then, if I'm the standard of goodness, then, oh,
02:15nga, parang, oh, hindi naman ako murderer or what.
02:18Pero yun nga, eh, by talking to so many women and being open to the perspective of God,
02:24when I see my situation through His eyes, and I start to also know kung sino ba talaga
02:30siya, mas nagiging klaro na sablay ka din, eh.
02:34Oo, may sablay ka rin.
02:35And it was all, and yun nga, eh, yun yung dinidikdik sa akin.
02:38It's accumulation of your little choices that were hurting God and hurting yourself in the
02:44process over so many years that it just got bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and
02:48blew up.
02:49Why didn't you name names in the book?
02:51Why, why should I name names?
02:53Eh, yun tagal na rin.
02:55And yun nga, the primary purpose of the book is to help women who are also going through
03:02dark times.
03:03Yeah.
03:04So yun talaga yung purpose ko.
03:05It was really, tsaka to show them my journey.
03:08And then if somebody will learn something, if my journey will help them, eh de, I've
03:12done my job.
03:13And siguro kay Maricar, the book, bakit a lot of people read it and really cry, talagang
03:20mga babae?
03:21Because, bakit walang names?
03:24Because ang gusto ni Maricar talaga, this is, I want to focus on my accountability,
03:30my fault.
03:31Some other book, I think, she could've, pwede naman niyang kunin yung root na, hindi, victim
03:38ako.
03:39Magdename ako ng names para malaman ng lahat na inusente ako at sila ang gumawa ng mali.
03:45Pwede rin naman ganun, eh.
03:47Pero it's not, hindi nya purpose yun, eh.
03:50Ang purpose nya is, there's nothing we can do about the other side.
03:54Ang, ang side ko ang pwedeng may accountability.
03:58So kaya walang names.
03:59It's, I will focus on my mistakes.
04:01Doon, doon ako magfo, doon tayo makakamove forward.
04:05Did you contemplate on going to court?
04:08Contemplate?
04:09Oo.
04:10Dumaan ka rin doon?
04:11Yeah, I actually kinda talked about it a bit sa book.
04:14A bit here?
04:15Yeah, yeah.
04:16I remember.
04:17Oo.
04:18Pero, hindi rin, eh.
04:19Parang it's all, it wasn't the root for me.
04:21Again, naiintindihan ko.
04:23Yeah.
04:24I mean, the reality of it.
04:25That's right.
04:26When you're, in theory, I mean, not to, ano naman, the justice system.
04:29I mean, it's there for a reason.
04:31But the path that was being presented to me, hindi, hindi para sakin.
04:36Pero naman, Rekal, the fact na nasasabi mo ng crisis, the scandal,
04:41ang sarap lang isipin na kahit ano ang pagdaanan natin,
04:45ang bait pa rin talaga ng Diyos.
04:47Sobra.
04:48No?
04:49Oh, grabe.
04:50You know, you pray and you say, Lord, I don't know how I got here, but I'm here.
04:55Salamat.
04:56And I'm just so happy that you're able to share your story.
05:06Yeah.
05:07Yeah.
05:08Yeah.
05:09Yeah.
05:10Yeah.
05:11Yeah.
05:12Yeah.
05:13Yeah.
05:14Yeah.
05:15Yeah.
05:16Yeah.
05:17Yeah.
05:18Yeah.
05:19Yeah.
05:20Yeah.
05:21Yeah.
05:22Yeah.
05:23Yeah.
05:24Yeah.
05:25Yeah.
05:26Yeah.
05:27Yeah.
05:28Yeah.
05:29Yeah.
05:30Yeah.
05:31Yeah.
05:32Yeah.
05:33Yeah.
05:34Yeah.
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