00:00Thank you! And how are you two?
00:09We're good. It's been a while.
00:13But it's nice.
00:14We're talking about the two books, you guys, Maricar, and the other one is,
00:20I got this, thank you, but I didn't get this.
00:23Oh, the first one.
00:24Yeah, the 10 Things We Fight About, but this one I read during COVID.
00:28And thank you, I received it at home.
00:31But before that, did you deliberately rest from acting?
00:37In a way, yes. Especially during the pandemic, it was a forced rest.
00:43But when I kind of lay low from showbiz starting around 2017, 2018,
00:48I just felt like there was a, maybe there's like a spiritual component.
00:53I just felt like God was making me shift.
00:56There's like a new season.
00:58And we also, at the time, we also wanted to focus on our small business that we built.
01:03I wanted to change the scenery.
01:07And it was also a reality that I wanted to also do something apart from showbiz.
01:12I know we don't have much time, but this is a big help to couples out there.
01:1810 Things We Fight About.
01:20And of course, the book also tackles the things they don't fight about.
01:24But this is interesting because a lot of people can relate.
01:27Very, very quickly, let's go.
01:29Fake apologies.
01:32That's my chapter.
01:34I grew up very chill, non-confrontational.
01:39I'd do anything just to keep the peace, including say sorry that I don't mean.
01:43So actually, that's quite toxic.
01:45Especially for me, I mean, personal experience.
01:48Because when you say sorry that you're not really sorry,
01:52it will calm the waters for that time.
01:57But there's bitterness.
02:00Because you're not really sorry.
02:03So the bad feeling is still there, and it can grow over time.
02:07Let's go to the next one.
02:08Ticking time bomb.
02:09What does that mean?
02:10Me too.
02:12Because the root is, I don't want conflict.
02:16I will do anything to avoid conflict, including ticking time bomb.
02:19So if you offend me, I'm not going to say it.
02:21I'm going to keep it.
02:22And then you'll offend me again, I'm going to keep it.
02:24Offend me again, I'm going to keep it.
02:26So tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
02:28I'm going to explode one day, and it's not going to be pretty.
02:30And then the person is going to be wondering.
02:32For example, it's just a t-shirt or something, something small.
02:35Suddenly, he'll say, why is your anger so big?
02:38This is what I did.
02:39Your anger is like this.
02:40Right.
02:41Because it's accumulated.
02:43Let's go to, it's how you said it.
02:46Well, like me, she knows that I'm very honest.
02:51So sometimes, if you're too honest, the tendency is you don't sugarcoat.
02:57So sometimes, she says, I know what you're saying is 100% true.
03:02It's just the way you said it, a little bit.
03:06Like earlier, we were mentioning condescending or a little bit too rough.
03:12A little bit, lack of empathy.
03:15So I have, as a dominant personality, I have to soften a bit because that's her need.
03:21That's a good point.
03:22Not because you're right, whatever way you want to say it, that doesn't give you permission to be rude.
03:28I get it.
03:30Raising voices.
03:31For me, I think it's my issue.
03:33If people who know that I came from a family where all four of us are dominant.
03:40My sister, me, my dad, and my mom, all dominant.
03:43They're separated because they're very dominant.
03:46So I'm used to growing up very confrontational, arrogant.
03:52It's kind of, you know, a little bit, it can go violent when, you know, it kind of explodes.
03:59So before I even married her, I told her, we have to have rules to protect her from me.
04:06So if I know that my voice is going to be raised, we call it T-sign, which is time out.
04:12Okay.
04:13Your voice is raising and it's not okay.
04:17Maricar has the permission that if I T-sign, you stop.
04:21Stop first.
04:22Not stop because it's rude or, no, it's just stop.
04:26Just lower your tone.
04:28And then when you're lowering it, let's engage again.
04:36Okay.
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