- 8/14/2024
w/ Michael Hing, Alex Lee, Tom Walker
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Good evening, morning, afternoon, day or night, whatever time you make it, it's just generally
00:26good to be here in the studio for another episode of GoMontgomery's GoMont Spelling
00:30Bee. This is not just any episode, no, no, this is our eighth and final episode of the
00:39season and what a season it's been. To think just seven episodes ago the Australian public
00:44weren't familiar with any words and now take a look at yourself following this introduction
00:49with consummate ease. I'm very proud of you, but our work has not yet finished. On tonight's
00:55episode we dare to search for our season champion, the speller who will be able to
00:59hold their head high through the excruciating spelling off season and say, yes, I did it,
01:04I am the best. This won't just be information they carry around in their head though, because
01:10they'll also have physical proof of their supremacy in the form of this. Ho! A ticket
01:20granting them access to the next season of Spelling Bee, assuming this show has met whatever
01:23targets were set for it by the very clever and hardworking people up top here. Tonight's
01:29loser however will have to spend the following months with the indignity of knowing they
01:33are the dunce and to mark the moment they'll be sent to a very special corner to wear a
01:38very special hat. Now who on earth would want to spell under such conditions? Let me tell
01:48you, our participants tonight are Michael Hing, Tom Walker, Alex Lee, and of course
01:58our champion Greg Larson. They seem like a good group of people, but we simply cannot
02:04confirm that yet. So let's start the show and learn a little more about them. To educate
02:13ourselves about how these people's brains work, I've constructed a first round built
02:17upon the core principles of spelling and personal agency. The spelling round will allow spellers
02:22to select the difficulty of their first spelling word. A word from what we call the Coward's
02:27Cup is a word custom chosen to help bolster the flagging self-confidence of some of our
02:31more frail contestants. My promise to you is you'll be able to spell it correctly and
02:35when you do, you'll be awarded one point. A word from this here person's purse is more
02:41of a coin toss. Some of you will find these words easy, some will be devastated to learn
02:46in real time that you find these words hard. If you spell one of these juicy little morsels
02:52correctly, you'll be awarded two points. And finally, a word from the Bucket of Bravery
02:57is a word that most anyone would find to be a challenging spell. And if you're in a courageous
03:02mood and can tame one of these wild beasts, you'll be awarded three points for your troubles.
03:08And our first brave and hardy speller tonight is neither brave nor hardy in the real world.
03:13From all forms of media, it's Michael Haynes. Michael, you've hosted radio, television,
03:22podcasts. Is there a single form of broadcasting you intend to leave unsullied?
03:27No, my plan is to get my dirty little hands all over everything.
03:33And it's going gangbusters, man. How are you?
03:36Why do I feel scared? I don't know. I feel scared.
03:38It's because you're not brave or hardy.
03:41I guess it is, Guy. I guess it is.
03:44I assume you're quite a confident speller. You did spelling in university?
03:47Why do you assume that, Guy?
03:48Because I make assumptions about everyone. I assume you're an idiot.
03:54And you assume correctly.
03:55Sorry, are you asking if I can spell words?
03:57I didn't ask that directly. I was sort of taking a circuitous route. But yeah, you can
04:00tell me if you can spell words.
04:02Is this just a show where you ask Chinese people if they're literate?
04:05Yeah, why do you think Aaron's my assistant the whole show?
04:09No, Guy, I can spell the odd word or two.
04:12Well, I guess we'll find out.
04:14Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
04:16Well, just before we came on stage, and I hope this isn't breaking any competences, all
04:19four of us agreed to go from the bravery bucket. So I would like to pick from the bravery bucket,
04:24please.
04:26From the bucket of bravery, your word is esophagus.
04:35Esophagus.
04:37And before you spell, remember, you can ask for the language of origin, to hear a definition
04:41or to hear the word in a sentence.
04:43Guy, could I get the definition of that word, please?
04:45The grossest tunnel the magic school bus ever did travel.
04:50Okay, I'll give it a go. Esophagus.
04:53O-E-S-O-P-H-O-G-U-S?
05:02That is incorrect. I'm sorry. Esophagus is spelled O-E-S-O-P-H-A-G-U-S.
05:11No points awarded. I'm so sorry.
05:14And this next comedian is a very funny improviser, streamer and comedian.
05:18It's Tom Walker.
05:24Tom, it says here you are a very talented mime. You've been nominated for awards and even taped
05:28a special for Amazon Prime as a mime.
05:30Yes.
05:31What made you think opening your mouth would be a good career move?
05:36Feels like you've really boxed me in here, which I hate.
05:45Are you a strong speller, Tom?
05:47I think that my strength comes from I am smarter than I appear,
05:51but then I do balance that by appearing incredibly stupid.
05:55So I think I sit somewhere around the bottom half of the bell curve.
05:59Well, which receptacle would you like the spell from?
06:02Well, first off, Michael did say that we'd all agree to pull from the bucket of bravery.
06:06I will say that was a lie. None of us said that.
06:11He sprung that on us, I assume, as a form of psychological warfare.
06:15That said, I will be opting to pull from the bucket of bravery. Please go.
06:18Oh, give it up for Tom from the bucket.
06:22And from the bucket of bravery, your word is mnemonic.
06:27OK.
06:31Can I have the word mnemonic used in a sentence?
06:34The man blanked during hellos at the gathering, but it was OK,
06:37as he'd invented a mnemonic to remember the woman's name.
06:40Buoyant and ravishing breasts. Barb! That was it.
06:44That was the name of his mother-in-law.
06:50Right.
06:52Way to go, Barb.
06:54All right, I'll have a crack at it.
06:57M-N-E-M-N-O-N-I-C.
07:03That is incorrect. I'm so sorry.
07:07Mnemonic is M-N-E-M-O-N-I-C.
07:12Ah, that makes a lot of sense immediately.
07:15But I have hope for our third contestant,
07:17who's a close friend of both of our spellers so far,
07:19and in my experience also a bit of hang
07:21and more intelligent than either of them.
07:23It's Alex Lee!
07:25Hey, Doug.
07:28Hello, Alex.
07:30Hello, Guy. It's wonderful to see you again.
07:32I'm so happy to have you here. Are you a strong speller?
07:34Yes, yes. It was my job to spell.
07:37I worked in the news and I had to write the little ticker
07:39that went on the bottom, so if I got it wrong,
07:41the boss from ABC News would come and yell at me.
07:44So I got very good at spelling.
07:46Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
07:47So you must be feeling pretty good. Yeah.
07:49Which receiver do you like the spell from?
07:51Well, I simply can't be shown up by my two wonderful friends,
07:55so I will be choosing from the bucket of bravery.
07:57All right!
08:00I mean, I will say,
08:02you've not been shown up by either of them
08:04cos neither of them have spelt anything correctly.
08:06You could have gone from the Coward's Cup
08:08and been better than these turkeys.
08:10But the bucket it is. All right.
08:12And your word is...
08:16I sucked in.
08:19Could I have the definition of that word that I know?
08:23When you don't kiss and tell,
08:25but you do kiss and swell in the lymph node department.
08:29No, what's the other thing I can get?
08:31Can I have it in a sentence, please?
08:33As Hannibal Legter was bound in the full face cover,
08:36his prison guards felt safe in the knowledge
08:38they were at no risk of contracting mononucleosis from him.
08:42Mononucleosis?
08:44M-O-N-O-N-U-C-L-E-O-S-I-S.
08:49That is correct!
08:51Thank you! Wow! Look at that go!
08:53Someone's on the ball!
08:55What? What?
08:57And our final contestant is the best fella we have in the studio,
09:00as far as we know right now, it's Greg Larson!
09:05Thank you very much.
09:07What was that, sorry, Greg? Oh, thank you very much.
09:09Nice, Elvis.
09:11Now, that's not that funny, I admit.
09:13But we did make a pact backstage,
09:15and we did, that we would all talk like Elvis for the whole time.
09:18That is actually true.
09:19And these three cowards let me down.
09:22I feel like you dropped the Elvis thing pretty...
09:24If you're really going to do it, man, do it.
09:26Well, I did it a bit, and, like, that's more than they did.
09:29Yeah.
09:31Do you want me to talk like Elvis for the rest of the show,
09:33or would that be irritating to you?
09:35I think part of me really wants it,
09:36and part of me thinks it would run pretty thin pretty quick.
09:40Well, which receptacle would you like to spell from, Greg?
09:43Oh, I was going to go with the Coward's Cup, and I still will.
09:47I'll go with the Coward's Cup, thank you.
09:49I'm a grubby little coward.
09:52From the Coward's Cup, your word is memory.
09:56Easy. M-E-M-O-R-Y. Memory.
10:01That is correct!
10:06And if the show ended here, we'd have a clear-cut winner
10:08and two absolute losers.
10:10But thankfully, for the sake of entertainment
10:12and some of your chances, it does not.
10:14So brace yourselves for more competitive interrogation
10:16of the English language.
10:18And language truly is everywhere.
10:21The word I'm using tonight to the lyrics of our favourite songs.
10:24And my favourite song?
10:25Well, it's the Australian one about being surrounded by water.
10:33We've got to talk about the word gert.
10:36Were it not for your anthem,
10:38I would argue gert would not still be in circulation.
10:40This is a word hanging on for dear life.
10:43You know where I'm from, we're also gert by sea.
10:46Didn't put it in the song.
10:47It didn't feel important to us.
10:49That's cool, it's your song, they're your lyrics.
10:51The fact this fine nation is gert by sea
10:54is in fact the inspiration for this round.
10:56Gert by sea. Spelled sea.
10:59And for this all-Australian round,
11:01I'm joined by Sea Somali Air, Aaron Che!
11:12Hello, Aaron.
11:13G'day, Guy.
11:15Which is Aussie for kia ora, man.
11:19I always thought g'day was a contraction of good and day.
11:23Who the hell do you think knows more about my language?
11:27You do, Aaron.
11:29That's right, Guy.
11:31Um...
11:32Piss off.
11:36Just kidding.
11:37A lot of the Aussie language isn't that confusing once you know it.
11:41For example, fair dinkum.
11:43That means you should be afraid of dinkum.
11:47And piece of piss means that you've gone to the urinal
11:51and you stopped before the wheeze fish
11:54and you get a piece of piss on your undies.
12:00Well, it's a good thing you're here.
12:03And you aren't just a fan of knowledge about language, are you?
12:06I also understand you're remarkably well-informed
12:09when it comes to matters of the sea.
12:11That's right, Guy.
12:13I've tasted from all the great lakes and the beautiful oceans and seas.
12:18I tasted a lot of the sea on my time working on the TV show Bondi Rescue.
12:24Done a lot of drowning in my time.
12:28That's why I love to go to the beach and put on a pair of jeans.
12:35Do you want to hear a riddle, Guy?
12:37I thought you'd never ask.
12:40What?
12:42I am extremely wet, but you can't drink me.
12:47And I'm really salty,
12:50but I would ruin your carbonara.
12:56What am I?
12:58You're the sea.
12:59Yep.
13:05Now, in this round, you will select one of the many bodies of water
13:10around Australia on the map there.
13:12Aaron will then sip from your selection
13:14and use his professional training to give you his tasting notes.
13:18Your word will be taken from his tasting notes
13:20and please know that all spelling words begin and end with a C.
13:24It'll be up to you to correctly fill in the other letters
13:27that are girt by C.
13:30To further help you in this round, you may ask for a definition
13:33or to hear the word in a true blue Aussie sentence.
13:36And we'll play in reverse order this time, starting with Greg.
13:39As you can see, you have four different parts of the big blue to choose from.
13:42You can confer with Aaron for guidance in selecting your water if you like.
13:46I can't read from here, is it the...
13:48Like, what's that top blue buoy?
13:50Timor Sea.
13:51Timor Sea.
13:52Timor Sea sounds good to me.
13:54OK.
13:55So give it a taste.
13:56Wait, is that what happens?
13:58Yeah, big time.
13:59So you drink the sea water.
14:01I taste it, yeah.
14:02Yeah.
14:04No, just quickly, have you, like, got in touch with the union at all?
14:09Guy told me that the union's just a fairy tale.
14:14Yeah, cool, chug away, Timor Sea.
14:17Yeah, let's have a little taste.
14:27Um, salty.
14:29That is what I would call the characteristic of this sea.
14:33Your word is characteristic?
14:36Oh, my God!
14:43Remember, you can ask for a true blue Aussie sentence.
14:49Yeah.
14:50Or a definition.
14:51Give us a true blue.
14:53Drink it in, everyone, a classic Aussie pub.
14:56The stink of spilt piss on the carpets,
14:58afraid to make eye contact with anyone.
15:00The bartender looks like their red head's going to explode
15:03out of the top of their T-shirt.
15:05These things are all characteristic of a fantastic night out.
15:10Characteristic.
15:12C-H-A-R-A-C-T-U-R-I-S-T-I-C.
15:22That is incorrect.
15:24I'm sorry, Greg.
15:25Characteristic is spelled C-H-A-R-A-C-T-E-R-I-S-T-I-C.
15:31And now Aaron's had a taste of the sea
15:33and you've had a taste for the round.
15:35Alex, which of the three remaining bodies of water
15:37would you like Aaron to sup from?
15:40I feel like Aaron really wants to sup from the Great Australian Bight.
15:45Is that true, Aaron?
15:46I don't know what sup is, but I...
15:50Sup I will.
15:52I think sup is a sip in a New Zealand accent.
16:02This is quite a mineral-rich body of water
16:05and it's so mineral that in fact it is caustic to my palate.
16:13Your word is caustic.
16:16I'm sorry that you experienced that.
16:19Caustic, C-A-U-S-T-I-C.
16:24That is correct.
16:27Only two remain.
16:28Only two remain.
16:29Which of the high seas would you like to conquer, Tom?
16:32Hi, Aaron.
16:33Hello, Tom, great to see you once again.
16:35You as well.
16:39I've so missed our easy chemistry.
16:42Hey, Tom, you love...
16:44You're a streamer.
16:46Yes.
16:47I like to drink from a stream.
16:51Your turn.
16:54Oh, it's on the line, but you've got me, Aaron.
16:58There's no returning that.
17:02Yeah, it's tough when you're riffing with the best.
17:07May I please have the Tasman Sea, Aaron?
17:09Tasman Sea.
17:12Tom, I'm sorry to report, I actually cannot drink this stuff.
17:16I can't drink the water from Tasman Sea
17:18because it is rich in gluten and I'm a sea person.
17:22I'm a gluten and I'm a coeliac.
17:26That's so much harder than the rest of these.
17:28That's so much harder.
17:30Could be I'm.
17:31He hasn't said the word.
17:32Well, he does sea on either side.
17:34He didn't say kymk.
17:35Oh, yes.
17:36Your word is coeliac.
17:39Could I hear that in a true blue Aussie sentence?
17:42Yeah, can we please get four chicken parmas,
17:44one with no breadcrumbs, cos my son's gay.
17:46Sorry, what's the word?
17:49Coeliac.
17:53OK, coeliac.
17:56C-O-E-L-I-A-C.
18:01That is correct!
18:06Well, Michael, the power of choice has been taken from you,
18:09but just to maintain appearances,
18:11could you please instruct Aaron on which body of water to sip?
18:15Aaron, could I please have you drink from the Indian Ocean?
18:19Thanks for asking, Michael.
18:23LAUGHTER
18:32Is this...? This is a prank show, guys.
18:36What are you talking about?
18:38These are prop waters with regular tap water.
18:41This is genuine salt water.
18:43LAUGHTER
18:45APPLAUSE
18:48I don't know how that happened.
18:53The Indian Ocean.
18:55The cognac of the seas.
18:58LAUGHTER
19:03Your word is cognac.
19:06Guy, could I please get the word cognac
19:09in a true blue Aussie sentence?
19:11Thanks for the parmas, now to drinks.
19:13Could we please get three 4X and one cognac,
19:16because my son is gay.
19:18LAUGHTER
19:23I voted yes, by the way, both times,
19:25but, yeah, we don't need to get into all that.
19:30Just because I don't want to be associated with that sentence,
19:33could we...?
19:34Guy, could I get the definition of that word, please?
19:36A variety of brandy that, contrary to any previous performances
19:39or character work on this show,
19:41has no correlation to the drinker's sexuality.
19:44LAUGHTER
19:50Cognac is spelt C-O-G-N-A-C.
19:57Cognac.
19:58That is correct!
20:00APPLAUSE
20:02All right!
20:03That was an education for me on Australia
20:05and for some of you on how to spell words.
20:08Aaron, how's the tummy feeling after all that salt water?
20:11Pissed off.
20:14I'll bet.
20:15Thank you, Aaron, and what a great round,
20:17because when I think of Australia,
20:19I do think, what a bunch of C-words.
20:21Now, let's take a look at our scores,
20:24and we have Michael, Tom and Greg all on one,
20:27and Alex with a huge early lead on four points!
20:30CHEERING
20:32Some genuine abominations in those scores,
20:34and that won't be helped by our next round.
20:38This minigame is called Spell the Disaster.
20:41Before cell phones, the internet and even two empty cans
20:44with a bit of string running between them,
20:46people had to be much more creative
20:48with how they communicated messages to one another,
20:50sometimes even in the face of tragedy.
20:53For this game, you'll have to correctly spell
20:55the distress signal from a historic disaster.
20:58That disaster?
20:59The sinking of the RMS Titanic,
21:01probably the most popular historical event
21:05in which over 1,000 people died.
21:07This is the genuine distress signal that was sent out,
21:10and we are looking for you to correctly spell the letters
21:13that will now be presented by my assistant
21:15and the reputable emergency worker, Aaron Chen.
21:19APPLAUSE
21:24The Titanic.
21:26September 11 of the sea.
21:30What a tragic day, but...
21:34To be clear, I told Guy that it was Morse code that they use,
21:38but he thinks it's semaphore.
21:40Yeah, it was semaphore. That's why I went so bad.
21:42It was semaphore.
21:43Cos the guy was going like this with his phone.
21:45No-one could see cos they were so far out.
21:47In this round...
21:49..Aaron will perform the distress signal
21:51from the RMS Titanic in semaphore.
21:54And now, Aaron, will you please communicate the code?
21:59BELL RINGS
22:03BELL RINGS
22:05BELL RINGS
22:08BELL RINGS
22:10BELL RINGS
22:13BELL RINGS
22:17There you have it.
22:21Aaron will do that one more time for you while you make your guesses,
22:25and we take a quick word from our sponsor.
22:28And tonight's episode is brought to you by...
22:32Stick a dog earring in the corner of the page you're up to in your book
22:35so you can remember where you're up to?
22:37Getting in trouble with your spouse for not respecting their precious tomes?
22:40It might be time to get a bookmark into your life.
22:43It could be a plane ticket, a receipt,
22:45or a bespoke bookmark you bought for five euros
22:47in an art gallery gift shop.
22:49Simply slide your chosen piece of card in between the pages
22:52that you're up to and let the bookmark do the rest.
22:55A bookmark is a mark of respect for the book you're reading.
23:01APPLAUSE
23:05All right, let's see how they did.
23:08And we'll start with Michael.
23:11Tell us about your thinking there, brother.
23:13I know you explained the game, but I'm still not sure what we're doing.
23:17Are we supposed to write what sunk the Titanic?
23:20Oh, Bing, I'm so glad you're going first
23:22because I'm in the exact same situation.
23:24Because I was counting Aaron's letters
23:26and I think there was six or something
23:28and then I was going to write iceberg, but that's seven.
23:31So I got to three and then I ran out of time.
23:34So did they.
23:36LAUGHTER
23:38Check your privilege, Michael.
23:40Tom, what have you got?
23:42Help boat.
23:44There's not too much you want to communicate with semaphores,
23:47so I figured one of the movements was help and the other one was boat
23:50and then all the rest were, like, exclamation marks.
23:53Oh, also...
23:55..this just says Titanic bad.
23:58Alex, what have you written down?
24:00Look, I was very transfixed by the erotic energy of Aaron's dance,
24:04so I didn't have a lot of time to think.
24:06So I've got...
24:10..boat too wet.
24:12So anyone passing by will know the boat was too wet.
24:16It's wet on the inside and all the pianos are floating around.
24:20Boat too wet.
24:22Boat too wet. Thank you, Alex.
24:24And Greg, what have you done?
24:28I wrote, help, the Titanic is sinking
24:31and someone made a big mess in the toilet
24:33and then in brackets, it was a poo that won't flush.
24:37And I don't feel proud of what I've done.
24:40Does that include a conspiracy theory
24:42that the Titanic was sunk by a poo that wouldn't flush?
24:46I think it was a separate thing.
24:48It was like, oh, man, this boat's sinking.
24:50Ah, and also...
24:52God, could this day get any worse?
24:55Can we just see it working one more time?
24:58No, you fools, I cannot award points for such inaccurate answers.
25:02The distress signal was, of course, CQD MGY.
25:07That is a legitimate maritime distress code.
25:10CQD standing for quite distressed
25:13and MGY standing for maybe get yourselves,
25:16at which point the man doing the flags
25:18was in the water without the chance to finish his sentence,
25:21which historians speculate would have probably been over here.
25:25And now, though, from a tragedy to triumph,
25:27as I turn to you, my humble spelling contestants,
25:30and offer you a proposal.
25:36It's an exciting round in which you'll be split into pairs
25:39and can then choose to either work together or against one another.
25:42In front of all of you, please notice two beautiful jewellery boxes
25:46and one of the boxes is a very easy-to-spell word
25:49I've taken from a children's dictionary.
25:51In the other box is a very difficult-to-spell word
25:53I've taken from someone more intelligent than any of us,
25:56for example, a doctor or mid-tier legal secretary.
25:59Your responsibility in this round
26:01is to choose the word that your partner will spell.
26:05There are a total of four points up for grabs.
26:07If you both spell your words correctly, you will each receive two points.
26:10If one of you spells your word correctly
26:12while the other spells their word incorrectly,
26:14the correct speller will get all four points.
26:17If you both misspell your words, no points will be given.
26:21Tom and Michael, you're good friends, standing next to each other,
26:24so it only makes sense you kick this round off.
26:26Please take a look at your words
26:28and then discuss your strategy on how you're going to play the round.
26:31Oh!
26:36It's quite evident which one was Michael's hard word.
26:40Tom? Yes.
26:42I love you as a friend, but you can't...
26:45Like, you couldn't even approach this word.
26:47Michael, I'm being completely, deadly honest with you
26:50when I say you also have no chance of spelling this word.
26:53OK, so I'll give you the word for morons... Yes.
26:57..and you give me the word for morons, and we're both...
27:00Happy morons together. Exactly.
27:02Guy, we'd like to both be morons together.
27:04Yeah? Yes. You trust one another?
27:06I think we do. Oh, and he saw it.
27:08LAUGHTER
27:12What were you...? Nothing, I just needed to touch the boxes.
27:15I was going to give you the easy word... Yes.
27:17..and you were going to give me the easy word.
27:19I was going to betray you, but now I have been caught,
27:22so I will be doing the right thing.
27:24I'm going to give you the good word, Michael.
27:26Yes, I'm also going to give Tom the good word.
27:28Head on over, Aaron.
27:30You could have just given them to him.
27:34Do you want us to...? Nah, nah.
27:37Thanks.
27:39I'm going to just stand here.
27:41Yeah, you can stand wherever you want.
27:43Thank you. It's your night.
27:45These two are like a nice version of you two.
27:48LAUGHTER
27:55And you two are like the woke rebel.
28:02Tom? Yes.
28:03You're up first, and your word to spell is...
28:08OK.
28:10J-U-M-P.
28:12That is correct!
28:16Michael, how are you feeling?
28:18Well, I just noticed that my easy word was on this side.
28:21It doesn't matter.
28:22And Tom has taken the word from that side.
28:24That's random.
28:25And my concern is that he's betrayed me.
28:27Your word to spell...
28:30..is...
28:33..mask.
28:35Oh.
28:37It's not good TV, but we are real friends.
28:41I wish you chose to make good TV.
28:47Guy, I would like to spell the word mask.
28:50M-A-S-K.
28:58That is correct.
29:01APPLAUSE
29:04You like that, Aaron?
29:06It feels wrong to stand here.
29:10I think I should have been standing there.
29:12I kind of like it.
29:13You've been over there the whole season.
29:15Yeah. Change it up.
29:17Yeah, man, change up the vibe.
29:19Alex and Greg, you've watched two of your friends and colleagues
29:22succeed in real time.
29:23How do you guys want to do things?
29:25I am now losing, and if you give me the hard word,
29:28I may be wearing that dunce cap, and I don't want to do that.
29:31And I hope that you agree to just do easy words,
29:35and I'll do easy words too.
29:37My concern with you, Greg, is that you've got nothing to lose.
29:41LAUGHTER
29:43And the only way that you can get back into this game
29:47is by betraying me.
29:48That is true, and I do feel like I've hit rock bottom,
29:51but I can't spell.
29:53I thought I had imposter syndrome,
29:56but I actually just have syndrome.
29:58LAUGHTER
29:59Before you continue, why don't you guys take a look...
30:01Oh, you should look at the words.
30:03We'll have a look at the words.
30:05OK.
30:10Look, my concern is if I pick the bad word,
30:12I'm really going to look like I'm punching down.
30:15What?!
30:16LAUGHTER
30:17You're only looking like that right now.
30:20That's...
30:21I'm a big guy. I've got stuff on.
30:24I've got a PlayStation. Things are going all right.
30:27OK, all right.
30:28All right, all right. Let's just choose the easy word, then.
30:30Let's choose the easy word.
30:31I've got the easy word here.
30:32Yeah, OK.
30:33That's the easy word, and I'm happy to give you the easy word.
30:36Yeah, yeah. I've also got the easy word.
30:39All right.
30:42May the force be with you.
30:44LAUGHTER
30:45Did you make that up?
30:46Yeah.
30:47It's really good, man.
30:48I'm trying to trademark it.
30:50LAUGHTER
30:51OK.
30:52Greg.
30:53Yes.
30:54Your word to spell is trust.
30:59LAUGHTER
31:06I know what that word means.
31:09Yeah.
31:12You know what it is, Greg.
31:13An unbreakable bond you have with Alex,
31:15built on a shared history and the knowledge
31:17that you've always had each other's best interests at heart.
31:20That's true.
31:21That's true.
31:22I've always looked up to you as a comedian,
31:24and I just know that you and I understand the meaning of the word trust.
31:29Yeah.
31:30So you should be able to spell it.
31:31Absolutely.
31:32Trust.
31:33T-R-U-S-T.
31:36That is correct!
31:38LAUGHTER
31:39APPLAUSE
31:40Good, Greg. Good.
31:44Alex, your word is...
31:47..is...
31:51LAUGHTER
31:59Just...wow.
32:01The other word was way harder.
32:03LAUGHTER
32:06It was just like letters together.
32:08Cool. No, that's cool. That's cool.
32:10I can spell it, so it's cool.
32:11Can I get a quick definition?
32:12Yeah, I mean, you know what it is.
32:14The act of considering something is worthless.
32:16For instance, the way Greg just treated you.
32:19LAUGHTER
32:22Feeling good, Greg?
32:23Aye.
32:24Making a woman of colour?
32:26LAUGHTER
32:28Spell a hard word on national television?
32:31Nah.
32:32Why you got into this industry?
32:34LAUGHTER
32:35A foxy heliposynonym.
32:37F-O-X-Y-H-E-L-O-P-Y-N-O-S-H-I-S.
32:45F-U-C-K-G-R-E-G.
32:48That is incorrect!
32:49LAUGHTER
32:51Phloxen or senihelipilification is, of course,
32:54spelt F-L-O-C-C-I-N-A-U-C-I-N-I-H-I-L-I-P-I-L-I-F-I-C-A-T-I-O-N.
33:04Everyone knows that!
33:06LAUGHTER
33:07No points for Alex, but four points for Greg!
33:11Yeah!
33:12APPLAUSE
33:15What an incredible way to inflate the stakes of the show
33:18and inflame the friendships of our contestants.
33:20It isn't as spelling bee until two people genuinely seem to not like each other.
33:24And with this next round, I'm hoping it won't just be these guys
33:27who don't like each other, but our entire audience
33:29might turn on you all as well!
33:32MUSIC
33:36Social media.
33:38It's the part of our phones we all love to use
33:40to make us feel bad about ourselves.
33:42In fact, some people watching the show at home right now
33:44probably aren't even watching the show at all
33:47as they scroll social media on their phones
33:49while I'm talking in the background.
33:51Hello!
33:53Hope you're having a nice scroll!
33:56This round has social media in it
33:58so you can just watch the show instead of doing two things at once.
34:01Now, in this round, I will show each of you
34:04a real post you have made on social media
34:07sometime between 2008 and now.
34:11Uh-oh.
34:13One by one, we will inspect your historic use of social media
34:16and once the humiliation dies down,
34:18I will give you a spelling challenge pertaining to your post.
34:21Greg!
34:22No!
34:24We begin with a walk down memory lane
34:26that's actually more of a brief saunter
34:28because we're only going back to 2020,
34:30mostly on account of you scrubbing all your social media
34:33from the embarrassing times,
34:35something I simply cannot say the same for anyone else.
34:39In 2020, as Melbourne was two months into its 3,000-month lockdown,
34:44you posted this sad and revealing photo
34:47on the platform Instagram.
34:50Just found out that dogs aren't ticklish.
34:56I feel for you, Greg, but I have to wonder,
34:58perhaps the dogs weren't laughing
35:00because you tickled them too hard using gargalesis.
35:04Perhaps you should have tried my favourite type of tickling,
35:07the lighter type, nismesis.
35:12Your word is nismesis.
35:15I'm sorry, what?
35:17The word is nismesis.
35:19You can ask for a language of origin, a definition
35:21or to hear the word in a sentence.
35:23Um, a definition?
35:25A feather-like style of tickling,
35:27basically what birds are experiencing their whole life,
35:31which probably explains the whole kookaburra scenario.
35:36And could you give a demonstration?
35:41Here comes the tickleman.
35:43Oh, no, don't tickle me.
35:45Oh, he's gone under the coat.
35:50Yeah, that's really funny.
35:55Nismesis.
35:57Nismesis.
36:00Whatever, I'm getting it wrong.
36:02K-N-I-S-M-E-S-U-S.
36:08Absolutely not.
36:10I knew it.
36:11No, sorry, nismesis is spelled K-N-I-S-M-E-S-I-S.
36:16Sorry, man.
36:17That's all right.
36:18Got a nice little tickle out of it, though.
36:20I got a tickle.
36:21I'm in it for the tickle.
36:22I had it in my contract that, like,
36:24I will only appear if I get a little tickle.
36:26I had it in my contract, I get to tickle Greg,
36:28so it's worked out pretty neatly.
36:30All right, Alex, you are also a social media fan.
36:33I'm going to go back to the year 2014.
36:36Don't.
36:37Do you remember what sort of stuff you were posting
36:39on Facebook in 2014?
36:40Oh, no, but it wasn't good.
36:42I've got such a feeling of dread
36:44since you announced the start of this round.
36:46Like, I feel like I've sucked my vagina, like, all the way out
36:51into, like, my diaphragm.
36:53Oh, God, all right, get this over with.
36:562014, of course, a simpler time when supermarkets were affordable,
36:59broadcast television was thriving,
37:00and Facebook was still in the early stages
37:02of being taken over by baby boomer minion memes.
37:05You were still posting your every thought.
37:08And I'm sure you remember February 16, 2014,
37:12which must have been a seminal day for you
37:14when you posted this.
37:17Please help me.
37:18I just cried at the end of the woman's 1500m speed skating.
37:22LAUGHTER
37:24Why did I do that? Does it say why I did that?
37:27I remember this. All the women died.
37:30They skated into a big helicopter blade.
37:34And I made it all about me. Typical.
37:36It's clear, based on the date,
37:38that you would have been watching the Winter Olympics
37:40in Sochi, Russia, a place we all agreed at the time
37:43was a fine place to hold an Olympics.
37:46You, of course, were crying over the unforgettable performance
37:49by the gold medal-winning Dutch skater Jorien Termors.
37:53Your word is Jorien Termors.
37:57LAUGHTER
37:59Could I get a country of origin, please?
38:01Well, she's Dutch, so pretty obviously, Dutchland.
38:05LAUGHTER
38:07All right, Jorien. Beautiful, beautiful name.
38:12Jolly Patton's first draft of Joling.
38:14LAUGHTER
38:17Jorien, J-O-R-E-N, Termors, T-A-R-M-O,
38:24and then she's probably done an S and a Z.
38:27Europeanly.
38:29That is incorrect.
38:31Jorien Termors is spelt J-O-R-I-E-N-T-E-R-M-O-R-S.
38:38Sorry, Alex. No point awarded.
38:40They told us not to look at the autocue,
38:43but I did just accidentally look at the autocue,
38:45and I noticed that what's up for me is,
38:47Guy's going to say a sentence,
38:49and then it's just in parentheses, Tom panics.
38:52LAUGHTER
38:57Tom, you also use social media.
39:00Yes, I do, Guy.
39:02Do you remember using it in 2013?
39:04Oh, that's so rough.
39:06Yeah. I hate this, Guy.
39:08That's perfect. Great.
39:09You're an active boy on social media,
39:11with countless posts that are as entertaining
39:13as they are unbroadcastable on television.
39:15That's right.
39:16And in the year 2013, you were using Twitter,
39:18which is what we used to call X,
39:20to update your followers not only on your own life,
39:22but on the actions of your friends, both good and bad.
39:24And who could forget on September 16th,
39:26two days before Tony ever became the Prime Minister,
39:29you tweeted this.
39:31Ugh! I hate Mondays.
39:33I also hate that at hangers keep sending me gifs
39:36of girls shitting themselves.
39:38LAUGHTER
39:40Mostly I'm happy to see that your friendship with Michael
39:42has endured his insistence on forcing his coprophilia on you.
39:45Coprophilia, of course, is an obsession with excrement.
39:48Your word is coprophilia.
39:51Guy, this will come as no surprise to you
39:53or anyone in the audience,
39:54but I'm greatly familiar with the word.
39:56Oh, man.
39:58The bliss of just getting Hing in trouble.
40:00Yeah. Hing comes off so much worse than you with this.
40:03Yeah.
40:04It's probably a good time to mention
40:06that I died in about 2015,
40:08and I'm a new man now.
40:11I assume that Tom was just making stuff up.
40:14Yeah, I don't...
40:16I mean, I've done horrible things to Tom over my time.
40:18I don't remember this specifically.
40:20Here's the great thing, Guy.
40:21I was making it up, but we all believe it.
40:24And I got a feeling it's going to stick.
40:29OK.
40:30Coprophilia.
40:31C-O-P-R-O-P-H-I-L-I-A.
40:38That is correct.
40:40Well done, Tom.
40:43Michael, how are you feeling?
40:45Pretty bad.
40:46What are you thinking?
40:47Guy, I guess I'm always thinking about how to fake my own death.
40:51Yeah, you are.
40:52You're always talking about that.
40:54Yeah.
40:55Awesome.
40:58Michael Hing.
40:59Here's a man who knows how to use social media,
41:01mostly for sharing gifs of his latest discoveries.
41:04While others on this panel
41:05have largely been sharing their banal thoughts,
41:07Michael, you've been using your carefully curated Instagram
41:10to highlight your enviable life,
41:12having fun with your photogenic friends.
41:14And no night looked better than this one,
41:16spent in July of 2012.
41:19I tweet this as documented proof that we were out and having fun.
41:23And you've tagged the models Tom and Alex.
41:26Oh, that's you, Tom.
41:27And that's you, Alex.
41:29Oh, yeah.
41:35I don't want to take issue with the inarguable fact that you were out.
41:38Yet there is scant evidence in this photo of anyone having fun.
41:42What takes me most of all is the unlikely fact
41:44that the three of you were hanging out in 2012
41:46and are reunited for presumably the first time
41:49in this very television studio tonight.
41:51Seems quite serendipitous to me.
41:54And your word is serendipitous.
41:58Guy, can I get the definition of that word, please?
42:00Well, serendipity is a criminally underrated
42:04starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale.
42:06Serendipitous is how you feel
42:08when you see the Blu-ray of serendipity waiting for you
42:10at the Airbnb you booked out,
42:12especially after you find out the Wi-Fi's not working
42:14so you can't watch your usual videos.
42:17LAUGHTER
42:24Serendipitous.
42:25Serendipitous.
42:28S-E-R-E-N-D-I-P-I-T-O-U-S.
42:34That is correct!
42:38A great round of combing through people's internet history
42:41teaching us all that it's never too late to scrub yourself clean.
42:44And I like to think that didn't just cause
42:46traditional real-world anxiety to us fellas
42:48but also scoreboard anxiety.
42:50So let's take a look.
42:51Well, it's a tight one.
42:52In a three-way tie for second on four points,
42:54we have Michael, Tom and Alex.
42:56And in first place alone, somehow,
42:58Greg Lawson!
43:03And with that round in the rear-view mirror,
43:05it's time to finish off the season
43:07the best and only way we know how.
43:13The buzz round.
43:14Named after my favourite sound,
43:16the audible murmur of electricity,
43:18to remind me that I live in modern times.
43:20With the scoreboard so carefully balanced
43:22and the end of an entire season of spelling so near,
43:24there's no time for me to waste
43:25with needless digressions or descriptions.
43:27This is a round in which all words I say
43:29are eligible for spelling.
43:31Except for these ones,
43:32which are still just describing the round.
43:34I will read from a list of words,
43:36and if you know how to spell one,
43:37buzz in and have a crack.
43:38A correct spelling will give you one point.
43:40An incorrect spelling will cost you one point.
43:43Most points at the end of this round
43:45wins the episode and bragging rights
43:46for the entire off-season.
43:48Michael, Tom and Alex are all coming last so far,
43:51but Michael had his character assassinated
43:53so you can choose the theme for the final buzz round.
43:56Would you like...
44:04Why are you nodding at me, Greg?
44:06Prison. Come on.
44:09I think I'll go with books.
44:11Books it is.
44:13Let's party. You guys ready?
44:14Oh, yeah.
44:17Go ahead, Michael.
44:19Correct.
44:21Tom.
44:24B-I-O-G-R-A-P-H-Y.
44:27Correct.
44:29Go ahead, Greg.
44:32B-I-B-L-I-O-G-A-P-H-R-Y.
44:36Incorrect.
44:39Tom.
44:43Correct.
44:45Michael.
44:51Correct.
44:54I-S-H-M-A-E-L.
44:57Correct.
45:00Tom.
45:05Correct.
45:08Greg.
45:09Correct.
45:11Greg.
45:12I wish I didn't push it.
45:19Correct.
45:20Vladimir Nabokov.
45:22No.
45:25Vladimir V-A-L-A-M-D-I-R Nabokov.
45:29I'll save you the trouble, bro.
45:31Love in the Time of Cholera.
45:33Go ahead, Michael.
45:34L-O-V-E-I-N-T-H-E-T-I-M-E Cholera.
45:39C-H-O-L-E-R-A.
45:42Incorrect. You forgot.
45:47Chapter.
45:48Go ahead, Michael.
45:49Spelling.
45:50You may spell because you buzzed in before the spelling gods said stop.
45:53C-H-A-P-T-E-R.
45:56That is correct.
45:57However, it's all over Red Rover,
45:59and our winner of the night in the episode this season is Tom Walker!
46:05Congratulations!
46:07Pending renewal, you'll be presented to defend your crown in our next episode,
46:11and also this Nobody's Size ticket!
46:15And can we keep that applause going for my assistant, Darren Chang!
46:22And for our final piece of business...
46:26Sorry. I was trying to clap with the...
46:28It sounded pretty cool.
46:30And for our final piece of business,
46:32can we all take a moment to acknowledge how equally poorly Alex and Greg,
46:37and what a tale of friendship this show's been for them,
46:40have both done.
46:41As we gently clap them over to the corner to share the dunce's hat.
46:45Oh, my goodness.
46:47I'm sorry for the tiny.
46:50All the way to the chair.
47:06And so concludes our season finale of Diamond or Diamond.
47:09Hi, Montgomery's.
47:10Thanks so much to all of our contestants, audience and everyone behind the scenes
47:14for a tremendous season.
47:15Let's hear it one more time for tonight's contestants,
47:17Michael Hing, Tom Walker, Alex Lee and Greg Larson.
47:21All going well. We'll see you next time.
47:23But in the meantime, you can call me Sky.
47:25Hi, Montgomery, cos I'm feeling ten feet tall.
47:27Goodnight!
47:39.
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