00:00I'm having trouble, uh, aging.
00:02Anyone having that trouble?
00:04Yeah, I'm not, yeah, I'm not aging well at all.
00:08I, uh, let me ask you this.
00:09Anybody got the thing now when you start to sit down
00:13and the last four inches is free fall?
00:16-♪
00:21That is not a red-letter day in a human's life.
00:24When you can't control your rate of sitting,
00:28you got troubles.
00:30It's like, I'm sitting, I'm sitting, I'm down.
00:32That's it, I am down.
00:34How'd you get here? I have no idea.
00:36Last four inches is a blur.
00:39Because you know what's coming next.
00:41You ever see the folks who need a little bit of momentum
00:44to get up?
00:46You can see them taking it off in their heads.
00:50That's it, I'm going on three no matter what.
00:54And they get up like a triumphant gymnast.
00:56Ta-da!
00:58Stuck that one, yeah, nine sevens across the board.
01:01You're killing it.
01:03I will watch you all get out of your seats
01:05at the end of the show just to see how you handle it.
01:09I'm obsessed with that.
01:10I was, I'm so obsessed, I was, when I was in Aruba,
01:14I, uh, you ever watch people try to get out
01:16of a lounge chair gracefully?
01:19And you know they don't have a prayer in hell of doing it
01:22because you watch them getting into it?
01:25And they're sort of stuck to the plastic
01:27and there's half of them sitting, you know,
01:29through the slats, you can see them.
01:31And they give up all hope of trying
01:33and just roll off the thing and flop around in the sand
01:37like a breaded chicken cutlet.
01:41And then let the water come and pick them up.
01:45And I did that. No, you didn't.
01:47I had a rough, I got knocked over
01:49when I was down there in Aruba,
01:51I got knocked over by a wave.
01:53That ever happen to anybody?
01:55Yeah, going into the water,
01:57I must have caught a flip-flop on a shell.
02:02That's a story I'm sticking with anyway.
02:05I did, I was going into this beach, right?
02:08And a wave came and knocked me down.
02:10I was down, down.
02:12My sunglasses went flying, my flip-flops were floating.
02:17I was, I couldn't get up.
02:18I was embedded in the sand.
02:20And every time I tried to get up,
02:21another wave would come and knock me down.
02:25And then the wave would go out
02:26and roll me back down the beach.
02:28And then I'd try to get up again and another wave,
02:30I was like a beached elephant seal,
02:32just rolling back and forth on the sand.
02:35This young woman, I don't know how old,
02:37anyone under 40 is just young to me.
02:39This young woman came to give me a hand.
02:41She goes, let me help you up, sir.
02:42And I looked at her and I went,
02:43you get the fuck away from me.
02:47I said, I either get up on my own or I don't get up.
02:49I will float to Venezuela if I have to
02:53before I have somebody help me.
02:56And it was awful.
02:57I rolled around for a while
02:59and I extracted myself from the sand
03:01and I had sand everywhere.
03:07Think of a place I could have sand and I had it.
03:11I was impacted with sand.
03:16And I finally got up and it was awful.
03:19I had sand all over me.
03:21The water and the sand had gotten in my pockets
03:24of my bathing suit and turned them inside out.
03:26So when I'm walking down the beach,
03:28I got these two clumps of sand on either side,
03:30like I'm waddling down the beach with truck nuts.
03:33Just, it was awful.
03:38A very happy ending to the story, though.
03:41I believe I cultivated a pearl.
03:43Yeah, it's always nice.
03:46It's always nice to have a happy ending.
03:49You know.
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