00:00 Since the dawn of time, men have been getting lost.
00:03 I am so lost.
00:05 This is the story of one such dum-dum.
00:08 He came upon a strange-looking house and rang the doorbell.
00:11 [DOORBELL RINGS]
00:12 [DOOR CREAKS]
00:15 Hello?
00:16 [GRUNTS]
00:18 Hey, man, what's up?
00:20 Weird Barbie.
00:21 Nice to meet.
00:21 You want to come on in?
00:23 Yes.
00:24 All right.
00:24 [DOOR CREAKS]
00:26 [DOOR CREAKS]
00:28 [DOOR CREAKS]
00:30 Welcome.
00:31 You must be midlife crisis, Ken.
00:32 No.
00:33 Lost everything in the divorce, Ken?
00:35 No.
00:35 Probably should have gone a size up in that tuxedo, Ken.
00:38 No, I'm Jimmy.
00:39 I'm Kimmel.
00:42 I'm hosting the Oscars, and I'm lost,
00:44 and I really need to get back to Hollywood.
00:46 Did you find GPS threatening to your masculinity?
00:49 I have just the thing for you, Kimmel.
00:51 Let's go.
00:53 And behold!
00:54 [DOORBELL RINGS]
00:56 This is how you get to Oscars land.
00:58 Ha, ha, ha!
01:00 OK, it's a pretty straight shot through the zone of interest,
01:03 past past lives, over anatomy of a fall falls,
01:05 phew, and all the way to Carnegie Hall.
01:08 OK, but how do you get to Carnegie Hall?
01:10 You practice, Jimmy.
01:11 Then it's up the hill to Barton Academy, take a Jeffrey Wright,
01:21 and go all the way to Los Alamos, New Mexico.
01:25 I can't remember all this.
01:27 I know, you're limited.
01:28 But don't worry, we're taking the weird wagon.
01:31 And so they pointed the weird wagon
01:35 towards a colorful montage.
01:38 To the Oscars, man.
01:41 I liked your car.
01:43 Hey, look, it's even weirder, Barbie.
01:46 Hey, Bella.
01:48 Hi.
01:48 She's my cousin.
01:49 Really?
01:50 Yeah.
01:51 [GROANING]
01:55 And welcome to Osage County.
01:57 Oh, look, they grow Italian people here.
01:59 Oh, [SPEAKING ITALIAN]
02:04 Is that rain?
02:06 No, it's Kenner Burnstein.
02:09 Oh!
02:10 Oh, my god, what happened to that guy's face?
02:18 Born that way.
02:19 Oh, that poor, incredibly hideous,
02:22 disgusting, ugly man.
02:25 Put these on to protect your eyes.
02:27 Thank you.
02:28 Oh, they're not see-through.
02:29 I can't see!
02:30 Here we are, the Oscars.
02:40 Wow.
02:41 I didn't think we were going to make it.
02:43 Thank you.
02:44 Hey, no problem.
02:44 So much.
02:46 Whoa.
02:48 Look at this.
02:49 You know, honestly, now that I'm here, I'm nervous.
02:52 This is like-- it's--
02:54 I don't know if I can do this.
02:55 It's such a tricky thing.
02:58 He's right.
02:58 It is a tricky thing.
03:01 It's literally impossible to host the Oscars.
03:04 You have to be extraordinary, but somehow you're
03:06 always doing it wrong.
03:07 Like, you have to make fun of people,
03:09 but you can't make too much fun of people.
03:11 And you have to give everybody enough time,
03:12 but you can't go long.
03:14 And you are the center of attention,
03:15 but almost nobody cares you're there.
03:18 You can never show off, never fall down, never fail,
03:21 never show fear.
03:22 Nobody says thank you, and everyone has something
03:24 critical to say online.
03:26 If it goes well, no one says anything.
03:28 But if it doesn't, it's your fault.
03:30 Yes, that's-- I think what you're saying
03:33 is hosting the Oscars is even harder than being a woman.
03:36 No.
03:41 No, that's-- that's not at all what I was saying.
03:45 Wrong.
03:47 I got in and out.
03:49 It's kind of this cool social media trend where
03:52 you get it before the Oscars.
03:54 Oh, hey, Ryan.
03:55 Actually, I think the trend is to have
03:57 in and out after the Oscars.
03:59 Actually, after you've won the Oscar.
04:01 Yeah.
04:02 Well, that's not going to happen.
04:04 Good thing Greta's got director in the bag.
04:06 Oh, Ryan?
04:08 Yeah.
04:09 Mm-hmm?
04:10 [WHISPERING]
04:12 What?
04:13 [SIGHS]
04:17 [SCREAMING]
04:20 Girls grow into women, but not all boys grow into men.
04:33 Some remain hopelessly stuck in a loop
04:36 of infantile foolishness.
04:40 One of them will host the Oscars, live, Sunday, March 10,
04:45 at a new time, 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific, on ABC.
04:49 [SCREAMING]
04:52 [MUSIC PLAYING]
04:56 [BLANK_AUDIO]
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