Katt Williams: It's Pimpin' Pimpin' (2008)

TTIOT

Katt Williams︰ It's Pimpin' Pimpin' (2008)

Transcript

00:00:00Oh man, D.C. is always remarkable, it doesn't matter when you come, how you come, D.C.

00:00:26is always a business.

00:00:56Life is short, you better enjoy what you got, stop being ungrateful all the goddamn time.

00:01:09Then it's Money Mike on Friday after next, wild it out, Pimp Chronicles American Hustle for

00:01:15Sunday, D.C. get on your motherfucking seat and give it up to Cat Will.

00:01:22I type a text to the girl I used to see, saying that I chose this cutie pie with whom I want

00:01:27to be, and I apologize if this message gets you down, and then I cc'd every girl that I cc'd

00:01:33around on us.

00:01:33To choose a lover, never f*** out of rubber, never in the shoes like an on top of the

00:01:39cover, money on the dresser, drive a compressor, top notch, get the most, not the lesser, trash

00:01:46like the f***, the $40 in the hood, just the game, tickets, no love, you be cross country,

00:01:53give it all that you got, a thousand on the pop, I'm pulling billions off the lot, I smashed

00:01:58up the great one, f*** me away, every time you hit the parking I but turn red, some f***

00:02:04wanna chew you, but you're too scared with it, told me you ain't a flimp, you a scary.

00:02:09O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.

00:02:16Okay, goddammit, what's going on in this big D.C.?

00:02:19Shit!

00:02:21Thank you, goddammit.

00:02:25Uh, uh.

00:02:36To the rest of the world,

00:02:41this is what D.C. looks like.

00:02:46And that's wonderful, because it's beautiful,

00:02:50and y'all really do have some historical,

00:02:54wonderful places to look at.

00:02:59What you don't find out until you're actually in D.C.

00:03:06is that while you're looking at this,

00:03:09D.C. is actually behind you,

00:03:13and D.C. look like this.

00:03:15What's going on, my niggas?

00:03:18Woo!

00:03:20D.C.

00:03:22Nothing fucking like it.

00:03:24I'm so happy to be here.

00:03:26Your motherfuckers have been wonderful.

00:03:27Before I get started, what a motherfucking pleasure it is

00:03:30with all the hating going on in the world

00:03:32to be surrounded by this many real motherfuckers

00:03:34at one goddamn time.

00:03:36It is certainly a pleasure.

00:03:39Certainly a fucking pleasure.

00:03:41I gotta...

00:03:43There's so much going on in the world right now,

00:03:45and I need to say to real motherfuckers,

00:03:47you gonna have to be a little bit more selfish in 2008.

00:03:51You're not selfish enough.

00:03:53Motherfuckers go all day trying to please other people and shit,

00:03:56and you forget you got to please your star player,

00:03:59the motherfucker that's in the mirror looking at you every goddamn day.

00:04:03That need to be the motherfucker you concerned about.

00:04:06Nigga, how are you doing today?

00:04:08Nigga, fuck what they talking about.

00:04:10Some of y'all are mean to yourself.

00:04:12Say terrible shit to yourself.

00:04:14I lie to me every morning in the mirror.

00:04:17Just ridiculous lies to make me feel better.

00:04:20Nigga, did you catch a growth spurt last night, nigga?

00:04:25You look like you could be five, five and a half today, nigga.

00:04:28This is a tall day for you.

00:04:30You better say some shit in 2008

00:04:33to motivate your motherfucking self

00:04:35because if you a real motherfucker,

00:04:37they hate you with every fucking thing they got.

00:04:40They can't stand it.

00:04:41They hate what you look like,

00:04:43what you're wearing,

00:04:44what you're driving,

00:04:45what you talk about,

00:04:46what you think about.

00:04:47They fucking hate it,

00:04:48and you gonna have to understand

00:04:50that's the way it is.

00:04:51Have you ever caught a motherfucker looking at you

00:04:54when I just caught your stomach virus face?

00:04:57You ever just out your peripheral

00:04:59just caught a motherfucker just...

00:05:07Like, everything about you really fuck with them?

00:05:10That's what the fuck is supposed to happen.

00:05:12You gotta remember to laugh in 2008.

00:05:14You ain't gotta wait for a joke.

00:05:16The hater is the goddamn joke.

00:05:18Soon as you see that motherfucker,

00:05:20you supposed to laugh immediately.

00:05:22I know why you mad, nigga.

00:05:25I know why you mad.

00:05:26It might be bugs on the rest of you mugs,

00:05:29but it ain't no bugs on me.

00:05:31I know why you mad, nigga.

00:05:33You gonna have to be happy

00:05:35and be in tune with your star player

00:05:37because these motherfuckers

00:05:38just own some bullshit.

00:05:39If you watch TV,

00:05:40all they wanna talk about is the election.

00:05:42The election.

00:05:43It's time for a new president.

00:05:45I think first we need to celebrate the fact

00:05:47that Bush ain't gonna be president

00:05:49no goddamn more.

00:05:50First.

00:05:51First.

00:05:54This motherfucker.

00:05:57I don't understand.

00:05:58How the fuck do you get a job

00:05:59and fuck up everything?

00:06:02Everything?

00:06:03Everything.

00:06:04This motherfucker has fucked up everything.

00:06:08Gas, water, air, everything.

00:06:11And he's not just stupid.

00:06:13Bush don't even give a fuck.

00:06:14He won't even try.

00:06:16At least if you stupid, you should try.

00:06:19He don't even try.

00:06:20I don't even know why he go to the press conference.

00:06:22He don't even be talking about shit

00:06:23they even be talking about.

00:06:25They just...

00:06:26What do you think about the problem in dark fur?

00:06:28You get on that horse, you gotta ride it.

00:06:34Who the fuck asked him about a goddamn horse?

00:06:37Then he walk off like he done really said some shit.

00:06:45This motherfucker don't give a shit.

00:06:48Bush done led this country lost for eight goddamn years.

00:06:51For eight fucking years we've been not finding the same one motherfucker we was looking for in the first place.

00:06:58The same one motherfucker.

00:07:00Not a gang, not a group, not a country.

00:07:02The same one motherfucker.

00:07:04The tall one with the beard and the robes and the kidney problem and the dialysis machine lived in a cave doing a video right now.

00:07:13We still ain't found that same one motherfucker but they know everything T.I. did at the Hip Hop Awards.

00:07:21They got that shit down in five-minute increments.

00:07:25It's just 9 o'clock, 9.05, 9.010, 9.15, 9...

00:07:32I don't know why that said 9.010.

00:07:34Some of you niggas couldn't wait.

00:07:36That dumbass niggas said 9.010.

00:07:39That's not even a real time, that nigga's ass.

00:07:43Bush's motherfuckin' ass, he don't give a shit.

00:07:46Every time you see our soldiers, they tired as shit

00:07:49from marching in the wrong goddamn direction.

00:07:52Every time you see him, just...

00:07:55Y'all goin' the wrong way, we know.

00:07:59We don't know shit.

00:08:00Two weeks ago on CNN, they said Pakistan is terror central.

00:08:05Pakistan?

00:08:06That's not what the fuck you motherfuckin' said, Pakistan.

00:08:09You said Afghanistan.

00:08:11Then you said Iran, then Iraq, then Syria, then Baghdad.

00:08:19You motherfuckin' have no idea where terror is, do you?

00:08:23And why the fuck is we chasin' terror

00:08:25if terror can't even keep a home address?

00:08:27Maybe terror ain't doin' well right now.

00:08:29Well, Bush don't give a fuck.

00:08:31He don't give a fuck.

00:08:32White people, y'all too nice.

00:08:34Just let a motherfucker fuck up the greatest country

00:08:36for eight years in a fuckin' row.

00:08:37White people, you just let the driver of the car

00:08:40be lost for miles and miles and miles,

00:08:43and they won't even say nothin'.

00:08:45Just sit in the back seat and talk shit quietly

00:08:47to each other and shit.

00:08:59I don't think they even know where they're going.

00:09:02No, cause we passed that three times, remember?

00:09:05I took a picture with my camera phone.

00:09:07You do remember.

00:09:08As niggas, we ain't got no patience.

00:09:10You can't even be the lost driver of niggas,

00:09:13cause we ain't got enough patience.

00:09:15Soon as your ass make two suspect lefts,

00:09:17your ass is no longer the goddamn driver.

00:09:21Niggas ain't got no patience.

00:09:22If one nigga in the back go,

00:09:24Hey, you gotta pull this motherfucker over, nigga.

00:09:28You can't be the driver if you don't know

00:09:30where the fuck you going.

00:09:31We got warrants back there, nigga.

00:09:33We can't be lost just lookin' around.

00:09:39Push his motherfuckin' ass.

00:09:42He don't give a shit.

00:09:43He think he can just go over there

00:09:44and fuck with all the countries

00:09:46that got brown people in it,

00:09:47then come back over here to America

00:09:49like everything ain't gonna be okay.

00:09:51Everything ain't gonna be okay.

00:09:52You can ask a nigga.

00:09:53You can go in the club and say

00:09:55fuck everybody in the club,

00:09:56but you cannot then walk back to your car.

00:09:59I keep tryin' to tell you.

00:10:01Go ahead, try it, try it.

00:10:04Fuck everybody in the club.

00:10:06Now go back to your car.

00:10:07Wait for it.

00:10:11Fuck, I was tryin' to tell you.

00:10:17And now, now it's time for a new president

00:10:20and all they want us to do

00:10:21is pick a new president.

00:10:23I feel like, didn't we just get out

00:10:25of a fucked up relationship?

00:10:26Maybe we don't need a president right now.

00:10:29Can we be single as a country for a while

00:10:32and maybe date a president?

00:10:34See how that work out for a couple months?

00:10:37This shit is bullshit.

00:10:39I've been confused the whole goddamn election.

00:10:41I've been confused.

00:10:42Does everybody commercial sound good

00:10:44at 2.30 in the goddamn morning

00:10:46and you done had a rough day and shit?

00:10:48And they just, do you care about your family?

00:10:55Yes, I do.

00:10:58Is health cam pointin' to you?

00:11:01Well, yes, it is.

00:11:03No, nigga, this motherfucker know me personally.

00:11:05This ain't no regular campaign.

00:11:07This motherfucker's in my family life.

00:11:08I've been confused the whole goddamn election.

00:11:12Before Barack came along, I was excited about Hillary.

00:11:15I thought it was gonna be a good thing

00:11:16for us to have a woman in the office.

00:11:18I felt like at least if we had a woman president,

00:11:21we wouldn't have to worry about

00:11:22what other countries was doing

00:11:24because bitch gonna be on espionage on day one.

00:11:27That's gonna be her first shit.

00:11:28You know I got China's voicemail messages today, right?

00:11:33I'ma get the MySpace password by 10.30.

00:11:35Give me a second, bitch.

00:11:36It's my first day.

00:11:37But then Hillary came and started acting cocky

00:11:39for no goddamn reason.

00:11:41Like, she should've been president all goddamn ready.

00:11:44Like, you motherfuckers need to Google me.

00:11:46I've been running countries before this.

00:11:48This, she can't stand Barack's good-talking ass.

00:11:51Every time that nigga say something clever, she just...

00:11:58I don't know what Hillary was thinking.

00:12:01She thought she was just gonna inherit the minority vote.

00:12:04Like, she was just gonna get the nigga vote off top.

00:12:07Wait a minute, bitch.

00:12:08We don't know you like that.

00:12:13No.

00:12:16No, bitch, we like your husband.

00:12:17We like your husband.

00:12:19That's not the same thing.

00:12:20You wasn't even on the invitation.

00:12:22It said Bill Clinton plus one.

00:12:24We didn't know who he was gonna bring.

00:12:26I was voting for Monica for no goddamn reason.

00:12:29I thought she was coming back.

00:12:32I'm just saying, you can't think niggas forget.

00:12:34Niggas don't forget.

00:12:35Last time I checked, you wasn't handling

00:12:37the presidential penis correctly.

00:12:39So I'm trying to figure out,

00:12:40if you can't handle a dick, bitch,

00:12:42how you gonna handle the world?

00:12:43That's a big place.

00:12:44I'm just saying.

00:12:46Fuck that.

00:12:46That was your main missile to look after.

00:12:48That was Air Force One you let fly the fuck off.

00:12:51How the fuck...

00:12:52I've been confused the whole goddamn election.

00:12:57When it come to Barack white people,

00:12:59I know it's not fair,

00:13:00but y'all need to just give us a minute

00:13:02just to be proud for a goddamn second.

00:13:04Can we just be proud?

00:13:06Shit.

00:13:07This is history.

00:13:09You selfish motherfuckers.

00:13:12White people, ain't y'all had all the goddamn presidents?

00:13:15Go to the library and get the president booked.

00:13:17White, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white.

00:13:21Give me the vice presidents.

00:13:22White, white, white, white, white, white, white.

00:13:24Niggas ain't never even had a chance.

00:13:26Some niggas still don't believe it.

00:13:27Just, nigga, I think I saw Tiger Woods

00:13:29running for president on SportsCenter, nigga.

00:13:31He ain't on his green jacket and everything.

00:13:33That nigga's a winner.

00:13:34He really is.

00:13:37I don't know.

00:13:38White people, I don't think you should vote for somebody

00:13:40just because of their race.

00:13:41But I will say, if you was ever gonna vote for a nigga,

00:13:44if you was ever gonna vote for a nigga,

00:13:46this is the nigga to vote for right here.

00:13:49This is the one.

00:13:51Yes.

00:13:52Absolutely.

00:13:55Because he is nigga-lite.

00:13:58This nigga been running for two years.

00:13:59He ain't had no baby mama come out the woodwork.

00:14:02This nigga don't owe nobody $200 for nothing.

00:14:05He ain't never had a pit bull puppet.

00:14:07Don't have an earring.

00:14:08Never had a tattoo.

00:14:09Where the fuck did you get this nigga from?

00:14:11A cave in Salt Lake City some goddamn where?

00:14:14This nigga's like a black superhero.

00:14:16This nigga's amazing.

00:14:18I believe he can fly.

00:14:22Thank God for Michelle Obama.

00:14:24That's a real nigga.

00:14:25Barack may be a clone,

00:14:27but Michelle Obama is a thoroughbred nigga.

00:14:30You can look right on TV and tell that's a real nigga.

00:14:33You know, if you walk up on her in person,

00:14:35she smell like motions, hair conditioner, and cocoa butter.

00:14:38That's, mm, mm, that's a real nigga right there.

00:14:42Somebody go to Jeremiah Wright's church

00:14:48and tell him to shut the fuck up

00:14:49while we trying to make some goddamn progress.

00:14:53Niggas were so embarrassed.

00:14:54Oh, nigga, don't fuck it up yet.

00:14:56Goddamn.

00:14:59I been confused the whole fucking election.

00:15:00I'm just glad Huckabee had to drop out the goddamn race

00:15:03because I was finna leave the goddamn country

00:15:06if we had to have a president named motherfucking Huckabee.

00:15:10That's where we should draw the goddamn line.

00:15:12We can't go from a Bush to a motherfucking Huckabee

00:15:15all in the same goddamn jump.

00:15:17Have all the other countries fucking with us

00:15:19at the United Nations and shit.

00:15:21You are with Huckabee, yes?

00:15:24You are followers of Huckabee, yes?

00:15:27How the fuck you gonna be president?

00:15:28Your name sound like bullshit weed.

00:15:31Nigga, don't even come over here

00:15:32with that big-ass bag of Huckabee, nigga.

00:15:34Ain't nobody interested in that shit.

00:15:37Like smoking a cactus.

00:15:39Some of you niggas can't even laugh

00:15:40because you got a big-ass bag of Huckabee

00:15:42in your pocket right now.

00:15:49McCain can't be president because he a hundred and fucking eleven.

00:15:53I'm sorry. I know it ain't fair, but goddamn it.

00:15:56You can't be the president during the time of change,

00:15:59and you might have a diaper that's time to change.

00:16:01That's just...

00:16:02That shit don't even go together. Fuck that.

00:16:05At a hundred and eleven, you got too many fucked up memories of niggas, first of all.

00:16:10You'd be done fucked around and had a flashback at a hundred and eleven.

00:16:13What is your last name?

00:16:15I think I used to own your grandfather.

00:16:16What is your last name?

00:16:19Did you hear what that motherfucker said to Condoleezza Rice?

00:16:24KKB president, fuck that.

00:16:27His memory can't be good at a hundred and eleven.

00:16:29I got an uncle that's sixty-seven.

00:16:31We don't let that niggas drive after seven o'clock p.m.

00:16:34Because he'll forget he driving everybody

00:16:36and jump out to go pee and leave the car running right down the street and shit.

00:16:40McCain, a hundred and eleven.

00:16:41He'd be done lost the military or some shit.

00:16:44It's time for war. He'd just wake up.

00:16:48Where's the army?

00:16:51Everybody waiting on the army in Baghdad.

00:16:53He done sent everybody to Southeast Barry Farms

00:16:55for no goddamn reason.

00:16:56Too much motherfucking shit going on is my motherfucking point.

00:17:06It's too much fucking shit going on.

00:17:08That's why you gonna have to make a dedication to yourself

00:17:11that you gonna treat your star player a little bit nicer in 2008.

00:17:15Some of us go through our whole life trying to please other motherfuckers

00:17:19and you can't please nobody.

00:17:20People in your family mad.

00:17:22People at your job mad.

00:17:23People in your car mad.

00:17:25Everybody mad. Fuck that.

00:17:26How the fuck are you doing, nigga?

00:17:28How are you doing?

00:17:29You might want to focus on that a little bit motherfucking more in 2008.

00:17:34Especially if you a real motherfucker.

00:17:36Because these motherfuckers hate real motherfuckers.

00:17:39If you a real motherfucker, understand they hate every goddamn thing about you.

00:17:44These motherfuckers hate real motherfuckers.

00:17:46I'm gonna give you a prime fucking example.

00:17:48They supposed to be putting medicine in America to help motherfuckers feel better and help you live better.

00:17:54But these motherfuckers don't give a fuck about the medicine.

00:17:56They out making they motherfucking money.

00:17:57They give you one medication supposed to fix some shit and the side effect fuck up your leg and shit.

00:18:03Then they give you another one to fix that and it fuck up your arm and now you on two medications looking like a flamingo in front of your motherfucking children and shit.

00:18:11These motherfuckers don't give a fuck. Just one month they say this is the best medicine ever. It'll cure everything.

00:18:18And then three months later you hear this quiet ass commercial.

00:18:21Have you or one of your loved ones been killed from using our medicine?

00:18:27Dial 1-800-R-BAD. That's 1-800-R-BAD.

00:18:31These motherfuckers don't give a fuck.

00:18:33Fuck. Weed is still illegal and all of that shit is still fucked up.

00:18:37They medication either don't work or it work too fucking good.

00:18:40And I wasn't familiar with working too good and I had to find out the hard way.

00:18:45I got a son that's seven. His name Malik. This nigga run every goddamn day.

00:18:49That's what the fuck he do. You ain't gotta chase him. You ain't gotta train him. You ain't gotta put shorts on him.

00:18:55This nigga is ready every morning.

00:18:57As soon as his foot touched the goddamn ground, out the bed, shoo, that nigga's gone for the rest of the goddamn day.

00:19:04Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

00:19:06You either see him like this or like that. That's your only two options. Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

00:19:12And he'd be happy as shit.

00:19:14Now, the nurse at the school say, she say, it's not healthy.

00:19:22I said, you don't understand the nigga's happy. She said, uh, no, no, you don't understand whether he's happy or not. It's not healthy.

00:19:32I said, now, I don't know what the fuck you want me to do. The nigga, I can't put the nigga in trouble for being happy. That's kind of...

00:19:40Nigga, stop being happy and get in there and be miserable. I can't fucking do it. So I said, what do you recommend?

00:19:47So she recommended Ritalin. Now, she told me the shit was gonna even him out.

00:19:54Now, either I don't know what the fuck even means, or Ritalin got crack cocaine in it, one of the two, as a goddamn fact.

00:20:03Cause this shit is no bullshit. I wasn't ready, he wasn't ready. This shit caught both of us off guard.

00:20:09I gave the nigga the shit in the kitchen. He was on the way to his room. That nigga never even made it out the hallway.

00:20:16That shit caught that nigga in mid-stride. He was just...

00:20:19Now, for the first two hours, I was happy as shit. I'm getting shit done. I'm like, this is wonderful.

00:20:39But after three hours...

00:20:46After three hours, you got to come check on the nigga now. After three hours, you...

00:20:50Nigga, what you doing?

00:21:04My kid's smart ass. I'm being good like you want it, daddy.

00:21:09Okay, touche, my nigga, touche, touche.

00:21:13This is what fucked me up. I was like, you've been sitting there for three hours. What are you thinking about?

00:21:18That nigga said, running?

00:21:21Well, go on and run then, little nigga. Go on and run.

00:21:34Cause you just gonna have to let real shit be real shit.

00:21:37Cause these motherfuckers are attacking real shit at every motherfucking angle.

00:21:42They had a story on CNN three weeks ago that said, the USDA has approved the sale of clone meat to the American public.

00:21:53What?

00:21:55See, I was high when I originally saw the story.

00:21:59So I waited all the way till I came down to re-look at the story.

00:22:04And it still fucking said, the USDA has approved the sale of clone meat to the American public.

00:22:11Ain't that about a... God, you raggedy motherfuckers would feed...

00:22:17You gonna feed... We saw the movie Multiplicity. We know what the fuck clone mean, motherfucker.

00:22:22It mean retarded. You gonna feed us the retarded ass clone cow meat now?

00:22:27And I thought niggas was gonna tear up the streets and riot and shit.

00:22:31And nothing fucking happened.

00:22:32You, these motherfuckers, you gonna feed America the clone...

00:22:35Ain't it motherfuckers starving in other countries that we could have gained a goddamn retarded clone meat to first?

00:22:41To see if that was gonna work out. They ain't got shit to eat. They don't give a fuck.

00:22:45You can't feed it to us first, you motherfuckers.

00:22:48And some of you same niggas gonna be eating the shit out that goddamn clone meat and talking shit about it.

00:22:54Nigga, fuck that. Nigga, the clone meat is delicious, nigga.

00:22:57They put the garlic in the cow as a baby. Nigga, you ain't even gotta season it.

00:23:01It just already grow up garlic and delicious, niggas.

00:23:07They don't give a fuck about us. You know the clone meat gonna be cheap as shit. Nigga, fuck that.

00:23:11I went to McDonald's, got the mint clone combo for 19 cents, nigga.

00:23:15Had 11 big ass Big Macs in it. It was wonderful.

00:23:19That's alright. That's alright. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, go ahead.

00:23:24Feed your baby the retarded ass clone cow meat and see what the fuck happened.

00:23:28You gonna be wondering why your daughter's four years old, weighs 611 pounds,

00:23:32got a little horn coming out her motherfucking braids, and the bitch can't do her alphabet correctly.

00:23:37Just A, B, C, D, mmmm.

00:23:41Cause you fed that bitch the retarded ass cow meat.

00:23:45These motherfuckers gonna give a fuck.

00:23:47That's why you gonna have to be in tune with your star fucking player.

00:23:51These motherfuckers put so much bullshit on the news.

00:23:54If you watch the news, you would think steroids is the drug problem in America.

00:23:59I've been all across this great country buying drugs and shit.

00:24:03I have never...

00:24:06I have never ran into a steroid salesman.

00:24:08Have one of you niggas ever ran into one and just...

00:24:10You know I got that fire in them roids, nigga. I got that fire in them roids.

00:24:14Nigga, if you got hemorrhoids, you shouldn't be selling weed right now to you.

00:24:18Fuck they fuck up steroids.

00:24:21Steroids are supposed to be the perfect goddamn drug.

00:24:24Now they got Roger Clemens all on TV talking about he ain't on steroids.

00:24:28He can say he ain't on steroids, but what he can't do is not look big as fuck on TV while he's saying it.

00:24:34That motherfucker's huge.

00:24:35Senator, I was never on steroids.

00:24:38Senator, I was never on steroids.

00:24:41I just got bigger and stronger the older I got.

00:24:46What you get for talking so goddamn much.

00:24:48That's why Barry Bonds is still a goddamn G.

00:24:51Cause Barry ain't say shit. They couldn't stand that motherfucker.

00:24:54Every time they ask him another question, he just hit another home run.

00:24:57They was mad as shit.

00:24:59Barry, are you on steroids?

00:25:10No comment.

00:25:12They was mad as shit at that motherfucker.

00:25:15I don't know how they fucked up steroids.

00:25:17Steroids supposed to be the perfect goddamn drug.

00:25:19Do you know how excited a nigga my size was to hear about a human growth hormone, nigga?

00:25:24I thought Jesus had answered this prayer individually.

00:25:27I was glued to the TV.

00:25:29Thank you, Jesus, for finally coming through.

00:25:31I appreciate that.

00:25:32I knew you wasn't gonna let me look like a seventh grader the rest of my life.

00:25:36I really did know.

00:25:41Fuck what y'all talking about.

00:25:42I was gonna be the first nigga on steroids.

00:25:44I'm gonna have to be the biggest nigga in comedy one way or the goddamn other.

00:25:48At five foot five, twelve hundred and forty-six pounds of comedy.

00:25:52And I'm coming out in a fur coat and biker shorts.

00:25:54So you niggas can't act like I ain't big as shit.

00:25:57I was all motherfucking excited about steroids.

00:26:02I was like, well, what's the side effect?

00:26:04They was like, uh, it make your dick little.

00:26:11Make your dick little?

00:26:13Ain't no motherfucking side effect.

00:26:15That's from Satan.

00:26:16What the fuck are you talking about?

00:26:18A side effect.

00:26:19It make you big?

00:26:20It make your dick little?

00:26:22Ain't that?

00:26:26I was trying to get the muscles to get some more pussy.

00:26:28I wasn't trying to trick a bitch.

00:26:30That's just wrong.

00:26:31Come on in there, bitch.

00:26:32I'm huge.

00:26:33You see I'm huge.

00:26:34Come on.

00:26:35Nothing.

00:26:36I apologize.

00:26:37I apologize.

00:26:38But fuck me anyway.

00:26:39But feel my arms.

00:26:40You feel how big my arms are, don't you?

00:26:41Do you feel that?

00:26:46Motherfuckers fucked up everything.

00:26:48That's why I'm saying if you a real motherfucker,

00:26:50you just gonna have to hold on to the fact you a real motherfucker.

00:26:53Because it's getting ready to change.

00:26:54It ain't just about color no more.

00:26:56They hate all real motherfuckers.

00:26:57I'm gonna give you a prime example.

00:26:59There's a white boy that ran track for a motherfucking living.

00:27:03He ran track for a motherfucking living.

00:27:05And he lost both his motherfucking legs.

00:27:07Now I hate losers and quitters.

00:27:09But I feel like if you run for a motherfucking living and you lose both of your motherfucking legs,

00:27:15you should be allowed to sit this motherfucker out.

00:27:17You have done everything there was for you to do.

00:27:20And this motherfucker on some gangster shit decide not only is he gonna walk again,

00:27:26he decide he gonna fucking race again.

00:27:28Now you got to be in tune with your fucking star player to pull this shit off.

00:27:32Cause they made him some aluminum racing legs and shit look like bent back paper clips and shit.

00:27:38Don't try to act like something wrong with me.

00:27:44Some of you motherfuckers saw the story.

00:27:46You know what the fuck I'm talking about.

00:27:48It looked like bent back paper clips.

00:27:50Like two baby boomerangs and shit.

00:27:52That's what he had to run on.

00:27:54That motherfucker had to be in tune with his star fucking player.

00:27:56Cause sometimes motherfuckers ain't gonna have your back like you think you should.

00:28:00And this motherfucker now got to come in on his aluminum racing legs and race again.

00:28:05And he got to try to come in and be all calm and smooth and not draw too much attention to himself.

00:28:12T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T.

00:28:28Motherfuckers fucking with him and shit.

00:28:30Yeah you gotta go over there and sign up first before you race.

00:28:33OK motherfuckers, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T.

00:28:41Yeah, they said, I gotta sign up first.

00:28:44It's no sign up at all.

00:28:50Tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee.

00:28:54He all at the starting line.

00:28:55You know motherfuckers fucking with him,

00:28:57doing all sorts of unnecessary exercises

00:28:59with they legs and shit.

00:29:00Just on your mark.

00:29:07Tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee.

00:29:11And the craziest fucking thing happened.

00:29:13This motherfucker not only started running,

00:29:15this motherfucker started winning.

00:29:17And you know a hater can't stand a goddamn winner.

00:29:20And the last place you want to be

00:29:22in a motherfucking foot race

00:29:24is behind the motherfucker with no goddamn foots.

00:29:28That's the last.

00:29:29I bet that motherfucker's mad as shit.

00:29:38My leg's tired.

00:29:39Ain't your legs tired?

00:29:41His legs ain't tired.

00:29:42He just, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee.

00:29:46Just paper clips and sparks everywhere.

00:29:48Just, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee, tee.

00:29:51But you gonna have to be in tune

00:29:53with your star fucking player

00:29:55because these haters do not play fair.

00:29:57These hatin' ass motherfuckers

00:29:59at the Olympic Committee

00:30:00let this motherfucker race

00:30:02and then waited till he won

00:30:04and then disqualified him

00:30:06and said, and I quote,

00:30:08he had an unfair advantage.

00:30:14Are you talking about the motherfucker

00:30:15running with no goddamn legs?

00:30:17Is that who the fuck you talking about?

00:30:19Poor little Tink Tink.

00:30:22Think about that

00:30:23when you think you having a bad goddamn day.

00:30:25Poor little Tink Tink.

00:30:26Ain't that a bitch?

00:30:28That's why you gonna have to be in tune

00:30:30with your star fucking player.

00:30:32These motherfuckers want you to be miserable

00:30:34they want you to be sad

00:30:35they want you to feel like they feel

00:30:37you can't feel like the fuck they feel

00:30:39cause you ain't like them.

00:30:41You gonna have to get every fucking laugh

00:30:43you can possibly get.

00:30:45Fuck what they talk about.

00:30:46They want you to be sad

00:30:47cause they sad.

00:30:48Fuck that.

00:30:49You gotta be happy

00:30:50if a motherfucker fall in front of you

00:30:52in 2000 goddamn eight

00:30:54and you are not a doctor on duty

00:30:56across the street from the hospital

00:30:58it is your obligation

00:31:00to get seven laughs off that motherfucker

00:31:02before he get off the ground.

00:31:07Call another nigga

00:31:08so he can get 4-5 in.

00:31:10You gonna have to

00:31:10cause they want you to be miserable.

00:31:12I laugh at shit

00:31:13I'm not even supposed to laugh at.

00:31:16I laugh first and apologize after.

00:31:18Like when they was talking about

00:31:20the polygamy ranch

00:31:21and they had them all on TV

00:31:23before they showed them and shit

00:31:25when they were just showing the ranch

00:31:26and they had told us

00:31:28all the kind of fucked up shit

00:31:29that was going on in there

00:31:30I'm watching TV like

00:31:32just show us

00:31:33what these motherfucking monsters look like.

00:31:35Just show us

00:31:36what these hateful motherfucking creatures

00:31:38look like.

00:31:39And then they opened the doors

00:31:41and these motherfuckers

00:31:42came out

00:31:42like little house

00:31:43on the goddamn prairie

00:31:45and shit

00:31:45and bitch came out

00:31:51with a dress made

00:31:52out of construction paper

00:31:53and leaves and shit

00:31:54I laughed the whole goddamn time

00:31:57I had them poor women in there

00:31:58they don't know

00:31:59nothing about nothing

00:32:00they ain't never seen

00:32:01sex in the city

00:32:02the sopranos

00:32:03nothing

00:32:03they ain't never seen nothing

00:32:05they don't know

00:32:05what to say in the interview

00:32:06just

00:32:06we want our kids

00:32:08oh I laughed

00:32:11from a good healthy place

00:32:12to see white people

00:32:13back in colonial days

00:32:15again on TV

00:32:16cause you know

00:32:17if that had been niggas

00:32:18it had been some different shit

00:32:19if they'd have found

00:32:20400 nigga kids in a camp

00:32:22they'd have burned that bitch down

00:32:23and came in with 800 SWAT teams

00:32:25but because they was white

00:32:27they came and got them

00:32:28in tour buses and shit

00:32:29and took them all

00:32:30I laughed all the time

00:32:36the goddamn time

00:32:37I don't give a fuck

00:32:38if it's right or not

00:32:39I laughed first

00:32:40like when that motherfuckers

00:32:41got attacked

00:32:42by that goddamn tiger

00:32:44in the goddamn zoo

00:32:45in San Francisco

00:32:46and shit

00:32:47and they had it all on CNN

00:32:49like it was a national tragedy

00:32:51and shit

00:32:52just

00:32:52oh

00:32:53it's so sad

00:32:55well

00:32:57I didn't see

00:32:58nothing sad

00:32:59at all

00:33:00I laughed

00:33:01the whole goddamn coverage

00:33:03these wasn't kids

00:33:04these was grown motherfuckers

00:33:05I feel like

00:33:06if you a grown motherfucker

00:33:07and you get killed

00:33:09and you get killed

00:33:11by a tiger

00:33:11and you get killed

00:33:13by a tiger in a zoo

00:33:14and you get killed

00:33:16by a tiger in a zoo

00:33:17in San Francisco

00:33:18I think God's will

00:33:20has been done

00:33:20for your life

00:33:21I think that's exactly

00:33:22what was supposed to happen

00:33:24and I think he wanted me

00:33:25to laugh about it

00:33:26a whole lot

00:33:27that's what I think

00:33:28fuck that

00:33:29I'm a parent

00:33:30I got kids

00:33:30I feel like

00:33:31if you raise a child

00:33:32at any age

00:33:33that's dumb enough

00:33:33to climb

00:33:34into a tiger's cage

00:33:36you should tell them

00:33:37the rest of the goddamn story

00:33:38then the tiger

00:33:39eat your asshole

00:33:40now baby

00:33:41that's the end

00:33:42that's what the fuck

00:33:44is supposed to happen

00:33:44and these motherfuckers

00:33:45zookeepers

00:33:46got on TV

00:33:47and started

00:33:48talking shit

00:33:49about the tigers

00:33:51start snitching

00:33:52on the tigers

00:33:53like they was

00:33:54disappointed

00:33:55in the tigers

00:33:56and shit

00:33:56like

00:33:57we can't believe

00:33:58they would even

00:33:58do something like that

00:33:59they've never done

00:34:00anything like that before

00:34:01and if they're a danger

00:34:02to the community

00:34:03then we'll have

00:34:04to get rid of them

00:34:04you gonna get rid

00:34:05of the tiger

00:34:06you gonna get rid

00:34:07of the only real

00:34:08motherfucker

00:34:08in the whole

00:34:09goddamn equation

00:34:10you gonna get rid

00:34:11of the tiger

00:34:12first of all

00:34:12white people

00:34:13understand this

00:34:14if you cannot

00:34:16understand what it's

00:34:17like to be a tiger

00:34:18in a zoo

00:34:19I don't know

00:34:20how you ever

00:34:21gonna understand

00:34:22what it's like

00:34:22to be a nigga

00:34:23in America

00:34:24if you can't

00:34:24understand

00:34:25what it's like

00:34:26to be a tiger

00:34:27in a zoo

00:34:28look at white people

00:34:29what

00:34:29niggas are tigers now

00:34:32they're great

00:34:34follow along

00:34:35white people

00:34:35all I'm saying

00:34:37is you got to

00:34:38look at this shit

00:34:38from the tigers

00:34:39motherfucking viewpoint

00:34:40first of all

00:34:41this ain't no fake ass

00:34:42got it at the mall

00:34:43tiger

00:34:43this a real

00:34:44goddamn tiger

00:34:45like the kind

00:34:46that be on

00:34:46National Geographic

00:34:47every time you

00:34:48turn it on

00:34:49on the back

00:34:49of a wildebeest

00:34:50ass and shit

00:34:51wildebeest

00:34:57don't even be

00:34:58dead

00:34:58I'm not

00:34:58ever dead

00:34:59jack

00:34:59I don't give a

00:35:00fuck bitch

00:35:01I'm hungry

00:35:01now

00:35:02real

00:35:04fucking tiger

00:35:05and every day

00:35:07they got this

00:35:07real fucking tiger

00:35:09in a fake ass

00:35:10habitat

00:35:10real fucking tiger

00:35:13fake ass

00:35:14habitat

00:35:15and the tiger

00:35:16not supposed to

00:35:17know as a real

00:35:18tiger

00:35:18that this

00:35:19is a speaker

00:35:20system

00:35:21and every

00:35:34fucking day

00:35:35the tiger

00:35:35be fucked up

00:35:36cause he be

00:35:37conflicted

00:35:37everything in the

00:35:38tiger spirit

00:35:39is telling him

00:35:39nigga you a

00:35:40motherfucking monster

00:35:41nigga you a beast

00:35:42you run the jungle

00:35:43nigga you supposed

00:35:44to roar

00:35:44as shit's supposed

00:35:45to happen

00:35:46and every fucking

00:35:48day the tiger

00:35:48come out

00:35:49and tried

00:35:49and the shit

00:35:50don't work

00:35:51and some of us

00:35:52know how the fuck

00:35:52that feel

00:35:53to be

00:35:53trying shit

00:35:54and trying shit

00:35:55trying shit

00:35:55and trying shit

00:35:56don't work

00:35:57trying shit

00:35:58and trying shit

00:35:58won't work

00:35:59trying shit

00:36:00switch it up

00:36:01trying shit

00:36:02trying shit

00:36:02won't work

00:36:03that's how the fuck

00:36:04the tiger feel

00:36:05every goddamn day

00:36:06he come out

00:36:06with the roaring shit

00:36:07wish me luck

00:36:09wish me luck

00:36:10roar

00:36:17you see that bitch

00:36:23take a camera phone

00:36:24picture of me

00:36:25right in the middle

00:36:25of my goddamn roar

00:36:26you see how they

00:36:28disrespect the tiger

00:36:30these four tigers

00:36:33don't know

00:36:34what the fuck

00:36:34to do

00:36:34it be four five

00:36:35real tigers

00:36:36in a fake ass

00:36:37habitat

00:36:38what the fuck

00:36:39you think

00:36:39them tigers

00:36:39talk about

00:36:40every goddamn day

00:36:41nothing

00:36:42but what the fuck

00:36:43they would do

00:36:43if a motherfucker

00:36:44was to ever

00:36:45ever

00:36:46ever

00:36:48climb

00:36:49they goddamn

00:36:49foot

00:36:50over the goddamn

00:36:51gate

00:36:51that's all

00:36:52the fuck

00:36:52they talk about

00:36:53just

00:36:53I wish a motherfucker

00:36:54would climb

00:36:55in this goddamn cave

00:36:56this cage

00:36:58right here

00:36:59nigga

00:36:59this cage

00:37:00right here

00:37:01nigga

00:37:01it's a motherfucker

00:37:04woo

00:37:04and a tiger

00:37:09be fucked up

00:37:10cause a tiger

00:37:11feel like

00:37:12he's supposed

00:37:12to be eating

00:37:13elephants

00:37:13and giraffes

00:37:14and shit

00:37:15and everyday

00:37:15they come

00:37:16feeding meat

00:37:17out of a bucket

00:37:18and shit

00:37:18and all

00:37:21while he eating

00:37:22that bullshit

00:37:23what he be looking at

00:37:24your good

00:37:25fresh meat ass

00:37:26walking around

00:37:27the zoo

00:37:27with a video camera

00:37:28and shit

00:37:29just

00:37:29look at that

00:37:34delicious ass

00:37:35fat bitch

00:37:35right there

00:37:36I eat the shit

00:37:36look at that

00:37:37delicious ass

00:37:38fat bitch

00:37:38right there

00:37:38fuck that

00:37:39it say baby

00:37:40fat

00:37:40right on her

00:37:40motherfucking

00:37:41ass

00:37:41you know

00:37:41that's my

00:37:42favorite part

00:37:43I love

00:37:43baby fat

00:37:44and the tiger

00:37:45be fucked up

00:37:46cause you

00:37:46don't know

00:37:46what to feel

00:37:47and after a while

00:37:48he get depressed

00:37:49and down

00:37:50and start acting

00:37:50like us

00:37:51you know how

00:37:51we get depressed

00:37:52and start

00:37:52doubting shit

00:37:53and we shouldn't

00:37:54even doubt

00:37:54I bet the tigers

00:37:55had got as low

00:37:56as they could

00:37:56possibly get

00:37:57just

00:37:57are you sure

00:37:59I'm a tiger

00:37:59I don't feel

00:38:04very much

00:38:05like a tiger

00:38:06maybe I'm

00:38:07just a vicious

00:38:08ass koala bear

00:38:09did you ever

00:38:10investigate that

00:38:11but as a real

00:38:13motherfucker

00:38:13you can't

00:38:14never afford

00:38:14to give up

00:38:15cause all real

00:38:16motherfuckers

00:38:17is only waiting

00:38:17on one opportunity

00:38:19and that's the

00:38:19opportunity

00:38:20to show a

00:38:21motherfucker

00:38:21they ain't

00:38:22bullshitting

00:38:23and I bet

00:38:23them tigers

00:38:24had got as low

00:38:25as they could

00:38:26possibly get

00:38:27and then something

00:38:28wonderful

00:38:28happened

00:38:29in the tiger

00:38:30world

00:38:30nigga

00:38:30this is not

00:38:36a drill

00:38:36get ready

00:38:37nigga

00:38:37they think

00:38:38we bullshitting

00:38:38get

00:38:39wait for it

00:38:53wait for it

00:38:54marley

00:38:55that's what the fuck

00:38:59supposed to happen

00:38:59what the fuck

00:39:01supposed to happen

00:39:01god damn

00:39:03that tiger

00:39:04that's a strong

00:39:05ass wildebeest

00:39:06I almost broke

00:39:07both of my arms

00:39:08that would've fucked up

00:39:09all the rest of the show

00:39:10I had to do it like this

00:39:12poor little tank tank

00:39:13my motherfucking point is

00:39:21we going through

00:39:22some new motherfucking shit

00:39:23in the world

00:39:24we going through

00:39:24some new fucking shit

00:39:25and it's gonna be important

00:39:26that you have your star

00:39:27player in line

00:39:28then you gonna have to

00:39:29make sure you got

00:39:30your team set up

00:39:31and some of us

00:39:32been forgetting to set up

00:39:33our motherfucking team

00:39:34you not gonna be able

00:39:35to go past 2008

00:39:36without your motherfucking team

00:39:38you gonna need

00:39:38three or four motherfuckers

00:39:40that you know for a fact

00:39:41will jump in

00:39:42and block bullshit

00:39:43off of your motherfucking ass

00:39:45in a time of crisis

00:39:46you gonna need that shit

00:39:47you gonna need

00:39:48four or five motherfuckers

00:39:49will just jump in

00:39:52and block bullshit

00:39:53off of your motherfucking ass

00:39:55in a time of crisis

00:39:56you gonna need that

00:39:57the team is gonna be

00:39:59very very important

00:40:00in this next motherfucking era

00:40:02we finna go into

00:40:03you gonna need a team

00:40:04if you don't believe me

00:40:05ask Michael Vick's

00:40:06motherfucking ass

00:40:07how much you need a team

00:40:08that nigga is alone

00:40:10alone alone

00:40:11everybody told on that

00:40:13nigga

00:40:13everybody

00:40:13family

00:40:14friends

00:40:15co-workers

00:40:16strangers

00:40:16these motherfuckers

00:40:17in line

00:40:18excited to tell

00:40:19on this nigga

00:40:19they're just

00:40:20yes I saw him

00:40:30when he was four years old

00:40:31and he had two puppies

00:40:32with him

00:40:32I just won't say that

00:40:33in case that was important

00:40:35these motherfuckers

00:40:35don't give a fuck

00:40:36that's why you got to

00:40:37make sure your team

00:40:38is together

00:40:39because these motherfuckers

00:40:40will sniff on you

00:40:41they'll switch on you

00:40:41like

00:40:42I can't even fucking do it

00:40:43quick enough

00:40:44they'll snitch

00:40:44these motherfuckers

00:40:47will switch it up

00:40:48on you

00:40:48just like

00:40:49fucking that

00:40:49that's right there

00:40:50that was the one

00:40:51if I hadn't broke

00:40:52my arm early

00:40:52I could have done it

00:40:53correctly

00:40:54but

00:40:54just like that

00:40:56that's how fucking

00:40:56quick

00:40:57them motherfuckers

00:40:57will turn on you

00:40:58you don't believe me

00:40:59ask Britney

00:41:00motherfucking spears

00:41:01how quickly

00:41:01them motherfuckers

00:41:02will turn on you

00:41:03poor Britney

00:41:04poor Britney

00:41:05how sad

00:41:07how hilariously sad

00:41:08would have happened

00:41:09if you ain't got

00:41:11your motherfucking team

00:41:12right

00:41:12they switched on her

00:41:13so motherfucking quick

00:41:14they was just taking

00:41:15sweet pictures of Britney

00:41:16just

00:41:16how you doing Britney

00:41:18looking good Britney

00:41:20you going shopping Britney

00:41:22now they taking

00:41:23gangster pictures

00:41:23just get in the car

00:41:24bitch

00:41:25show us your pussy

00:41:26bitch

00:41:27throw your wig

00:41:29in the air

00:41:29waving like you

00:41:31just don't care

00:41:31they don't give a fuck

00:41:33but you gotta watch

00:41:34the goddamn story

00:41:35Kevin Federline

00:41:36is their motherfucking

00:41:37American dream

00:41:38I hope you was watching

00:41:39the goddamn story

00:41:40you can hate the player

00:41:41but you can't hate

00:41:42the goddamn game

00:41:43and that goddamn

00:41:44Kevin Federline

00:41:45followed the pimp manual

00:41:46step by goddamn step

00:41:48line by motherfucking line

00:41:51that motherfucker

00:41:52was a joy to watch

00:41:53it was like he was

00:41:54on SportsCenter

00:41:55just

00:41:55da-da-da-da-da-da

00:41:57fucking Federline

00:41:58this motherfucker

00:41:59is not bullshitting

00:42:00his name gonna be

00:42:01an adjective in 2009

00:42:03a way of warning a woman

00:42:04bitch don't fuck around

00:42:05and get Federline

00:42:06fucking with me

00:42:06I'm telling you

00:42:07I am not

00:42:08one to play with

00:42:09that motherfucker

00:42:11Kevin Federline

00:42:12is the American

00:42:13goddamn dream

00:42:13he is proof

00:42:14that you can take

00:42:15nothing

00:42:16and turn it

00:42:17into something

00:42:18if you don't believe me

00:42:20on the count of three

00:42:21name your favorite

00:42:22Kevin Federline moment

00:42:23one two three

00:42:24nothing

00:42:25turned it into

00:42:27something

00:42:27and Britney

00:42:28was the shit

00:42:29she wasn't no

00:42:30regular goddamn singer

00:42:31she was performing

00:42:32in front of arenas

00:42:33and shit

00:42:33I got nigga kids

00:42:34my kids was listening

00:42:35to her shit

00:42:36in the kitchen

00:42:37trying to make you

00:42:37cool and shit

00:42:38oops I did it again

00:42:41okay nigga just say

00:42:42you sorry

00:42:43and go to your room

00:42:44I don't need you

00:42:44to perform and shit

00:42:45and all the fucking time

00:42:47while Britney was out

00:42:48there performing

00:42:49Kevin Federline's position

00:42:51was way back here

00:42:52behind the goddamn

00:42:53DJ and shit

00:42:54he used to have to

00:42:55dance from back here

00:42:56that motherfucker

00:43:03got in

00:43:04and handled

00:43:04this goddamn business

00:43:05and I was trying

00:43:06to tell all women

00:43:07on my staff

00:43:07you better fucking

00:43:08watch this shit

00:43:09so you can see

00:43:10what the fucker happened

00:43:11and they didn't want

00:43:12to fucking believe me

00:43:12just what

00:43:13what he gonna do

00:43:14he gonna get with her

00:43:15and take her money

00:43:16uh

00:43:17no bitch

00:43:18it look like

00:43:18he gonna make

00:43:19his own motherfucking money

00:43:20there go the babies

00:43:21check and checkmate

00:43:23right on schedule

00:43:23this motherfucker

00:43:24is not missing a beat

00:43:26but what he gonna do

00:43:28he gonna break up

00:43:29with her

00:43:30so he can get the money

00:43:31uh

00:43:31no

00:43:32it look like

00:43:33he gonna make her

00:43:33break up with her

00:43:34motherfucking self

00:43:35and the next time

00:43:37you saw her

00:43:37she was in the back

00:43:38of an ambulance

00:43:39looking happy

00:43:39and mad

00:43:40at the same time

00:43:41that's why

00:43:48you gotta make sure

00:43:49you got your

00:43:49fucking team together

00:43:50these motherfuckers

00:43:51ain't playing fair

00:43:52you gonna need

00:43:53your team together

00:43:53you don't believe me

00:43:54ask Eddie Murphy

00:43:55that motherfucking bitch

00:43:56from the Spice Girls

00:43:57came from London

00:43:58and got that motherfucker

00:43:59in 3.2 minutes

00:44:01or some shit

00:44:01soon as she got off

00:44:02the plane

00:44:03she was on her shit

00:44:04just

00:44:04yeah

00:44:04we're pregnant

00:44:06Eddie my boy

00:44:07yeah

00:44:07that bitch is the shit

00:44:09you gonna have to

00:44:12make sure

00:44:12your motherfucking team

00:44:13is right

00:44:13especially us fellas

00:44:15it start with us

00:44:16we supposed to be

00:44:16the motherfucking team

00:44:17captains

00:44:18we supposed to be

00:44:18the coach

00:44:19of our motherfucking team

00:44:20and some of us

00:44:21have forgotten

00:44:22how important

00:44:22the team gonna be

00:44:23in 2008

00:44:24some of you niggas

00:44:25got a franchise player

00:44:26on your motherfucking team

00:44:28I'm talking about

00:44:28a thoroughbred woman

00:44:29one that live and die

00:44:31by the goddamn team

00:44:32you got a franchise player

00:44:33and you done let her

00:44:34sit on the bench

00:44:35she done forgot

00:44:36what team she even on

00:44:38you gotta understand

00:44:39some of you niggas

00:44:40ain't going to the playoffs

00:44:41some of you niggas

00:44:42it's 3 and 22

00:44:43in the relationship

00:44:44right now

00:44:45you gonna have to

00:44:46work on it

00:44:47work on your

00:44:48franchise player

00:44:49some of y'all got

00:44:49a wonderful franchise player

00:44:51but you so busy

00:44:52looking out

00:44:53at the free agency

00:44:54and who getting traded

00:44:56and who coming up

00:44:57on the draft

00:44:58you done forgot

00:44:59about your franchise player

00:45:01and you got to

00:45:01fucking try

00:45:02you ain't gotta

00:45:03spend no money

00:45:03you ain't gotta

00:45:04wait for a holiday

00:45:05you gotta fucking try

00:45:06just wait for the

00:45:07right moments

00:45:08wait for her to be

00:45:08laying across the bed

00:45:10on her stomach

00:45:11unsuspecting

00:45:12that's a great time

00:45:13for a pep talk

00:45:14for some enthusiasm

00:45:15and shit

00:45:16if you can just

00:45:17sneak up on her

00:45:17in the right moment

00:45:18you do remember

00:45:27who's motherfucking

00:45:27team you on

00:45:28don't you

00:45:28huh

00:45:29do you remember

00:45:30who's motherfucking

00:45:30team you on

00:45:312, 4, 6, 8

00:45:32who do we appreciate

00:45:33come on now

00:45:34just gonna have to

00:45:36do it fellas

00:45:37we gonna have to

00:45:37try

00:45:38some of you niggas

00:45:39won't even try

00:45:40to keep your

00:45:41franchise player

00:45:41motivated

00:45:42won't even fucking

00:45:44try

00:45:44some of you niggas

00:45:45won't even jack off

00:45:46you done got

00:45:46so motherfucking grown

00:45:47you too grown

00:45:48to jack off

00:45:49you don't even

00:45:50wanna practice

00:45:51you won't practice

00:45:52at all

00:45:53I don't understand

00:45:54how you gonna

00:45:55keep playing the game

00:45:56nigga if you refuse

00:45:57to goddamn practice

00:45:58you just gonna

00:45:59run in the game

00:45:59cold nigga

00:46:00you ain't gonna

00:46:01warm up or nothing

00:46:02come on

00:46:03tell them

00:46:03don't you have to

00:46:03warm up

00:46:04you gotta fucking

00:46:08warm up

00:46:09this is bullshit

00:46:10you got

00:46:10some of you fellas

00:46:11come on now

00:46:12goddamn it

00:46:12we got to try

00:46:13you want women

00:46:13to do all

00:46:14kind of shit

00:46:14for us

00:46:15we wanted to

00:46:15wear some

00:46:16new lingerie

00:46:17put on

00:46:17new outfit

00:46:18cut her hair

00:46:19different

00:46:19bring another

00:46:20girl in the

00:46:21relationship

00:46:21I did that

00:46:23for five

00:46:24niggas

00:46:24that's what

00:46:25I said

00:46:25that's the

00:46:25one I had

00:46:26picked

00:46:26remember

00:46:26I picked

00:46:27that one

00:46:27I'm just

00:46:28saying

00:46:29we gotta

00:46:29do something

00:46:30niggas

00:46:30we can't

00:46:30just keep

00:46:31presenting

00:46:31the same

00:46:32dick

00:46:32night after

00:46:32night

00:46:33just

00:46:33dun

00:46:34ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

00:47:04own fuck number fuck a sleep number nigga you don't know your own goddamn fuck number you don't know

00:47:09how many times you can do this before something happens you have no idea every time you fuck her

00:47:15you playing russian roulette you don't know she don't know it's a surprise to both of you just

00:47:20bang bang i'm sorry i'm sorry i didn't even see that coming i didn't even i would have warned you

00:47:24it caught me off guard to be honest with you i didn't even you're gonna have to find out your

00:47:29own fuck number nigga it'll free you up for the rest of your goddamn relationship if you could

00:47:33just find out what your fuck number is because if you find out it's 174 now you have taken the

00:47:39pressure off yourself because now you ain't gotta try to get to 175 you know that's unnecessary because

00:47:45you can always stop and reset at 175 now so now you free you just 172 173 174 reset thank you thank you

00:47:57but you want to know your own fuck number at least even if your number is small

00:48:02even if your number is 12 nigga even if your number is 12 at least you should know what it is

00:48:10nigga it ain't the end of the world because your number is 12 you can still have fun with 12 you can

00:48:15do slow 6 fast 6 you just 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 reset now switch it up just 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 reset

00:48:31gotta fucking try some niggas gonna be laying across the bed 5 5 5 5 5 5 foot long you gotta

00:48:47fucking try is my fucking point some of you niggas been fucking since you was 15 and you

00:48:53don't have your own signature move yet you'll be fucking since you was a teenager you ain't got your

00:49:04own fucking move you still doing the same original fucking the same OG teenager fucking you don't have

00:49:11nothing you niggas don't even have a dismount yet nigga a dismount a dismount is easy niggas

00:49:23at least you could get a dismount work on your signature move for 2008 give your woman something

00:49:29special everybody wants something special every now and again you don't want to go to a basketball

00:49:35game and just see motherfuckers doing layups all the goddamn time that's why the dumb bmba is

00:49:40struggling like they are you want to see a nigga do some special shit every once in a while

00:49:44that's what she want too nigga work on you a signature move i got one called monkey fuck i don't

00:49:53know i don't know if it worked but i do know if i give it to you i'm giving her all she's got captain

00:50:00because once i'm in monkey fuck everything is moving nigga i'm everywhere trying everything

00:50:04you gotta fucking try is my point is this too much motherfucking shit going on in the motherfucking

00:50:18world we got big time fucking issues happening in the goddamn world right the fuck now we

00:50:23still got racism in america right the fuck now 40 years after martin luther king's assassination we

00:50:30still got racism in america right the fuck now we gonna have to deal with it we gonna have to

00:50:36fucking deal with it white people first of all understand this if you don't take nothing else

00:50:40from the nigga meeting just understand this white people y'all brought us over here and y'all ain't got

00:50:50no motherfucking receipt so y'all are not gonna be able to return niggas you need to understand that

00:50:56from the very beginning niggas are here to stay we gotta get over certain shit i can honestly say i'm a

00:51:03nigga and i love niggas but i don't want to live in a country with just niggas

00:51:08fuck y'all i don't i i have too many customer service needs and requirements that i have become

00:51:19accustomed to fuck that y'all know what the fuck i'm talking about you don't try to return something to

00:51:24a black woman at a store and she act like she bought you that shit herself personally and shit just

00:51:29embarrassing you in the store just well what the fuck is wrong with it

00:51:33never mind bitch i don't know why i gotta have two toasters because you mad and shit this is

00:51:42ridiculous we all need each other america is strong because of the motherfuckers that's in it and white

00:51:49people you do not want to be in this motherfucking country without niggas and hispanics you do not want

00:51:54to be in this country by your goddamn self especially if the terrorists come y'all gonna be

00:52:00trying to break in the hood if the goddamn terrorists come yeah let us in you guys have

00:52:06got all the illegal weapons in there let us in fine we'll clean up everybody's credit free credit report

00:52:13dot com we gotta get over certain shit if you find a white person that don't like a nigga it catch you

00:52:24off guard like you don't like niggas what niggas is the shit you didn't know niggas was the shit

00:52:32niggas is the shit why you think y'all came and got us in the first fucking place y'all had that big

00:52:37ass boat y'all could have got any goddamn body i bet y'all was excited as shit the first time y'all

00:52:42saw niggas what are those those are cool as shit is that their women what's that they're carrying

00:52:55on their backs that's their ass let's go let's go fuck you don't like niggas niggas is an american

00:53:08success story they're gonna talk me out of my love for niggas niggas is the shit niggas went from

00:53:15being treated like dogs till now that's why i keep saying the word niggas because i want them to

00:53:21remember what the fuck it came from i don't give fuck i'm a nigga i trace my roots they end up in

00:53:26alabama some goddamn way i'm proud of niggas niggas don't never quit niggas always come through the

00:53:33motherfucking trouble and looking better at the same time they can't make me feel bad about niggas

00:53:38i remember niggas it just looked like niggas was just in the cotton field picking cotton them niggas

00:53:43wasn't just in the field picking cotton them niggas was working on skills and shit that was gonna show

00:53:49up generation after generation later it just looked like they was picking cotton they was working on

00:53:55shit

00:53:55cotton picking niggas them cotton picking niggas we gotta get over certain shit like when the racists

00:54:14were putting them nooses on black university professors doors and shit and hanging the nooses

00:54:19off of trees and shit and i got fucking mad and put a noose on my neck and walked down the red carpet

00:54:24of the hip-hop awards and then them motherfuckers had me on cnn the next week like i was the racial

00:54:30problem in america and they were so glad to catch me like what the fuck do you why do you think racism

00:54:36is so funny kat williams that's not what the fuck i was trying to say

00:54:40i was trying to say niggas ain't scared of rope

00:54:45that wasn't the fucking point niggas ain't scared of rope and knots and shit it wasn't that

00:54:55it's the fucking hanging we had a problem with so if you're not gonna hang a motherfucker

00:54:59then what the fuck is you putting nooses around trying to scare some goddamn body for

00:55:04i keep saying you don't see gangbangers putting bullets on the curb to scare a motherfucker

00:55:08just wait till these niggas see this shit they're gonna be scared

00:55:14i put two hollow points down there them niggas gonna be scared and shit

00:55:19just saying we gotta get over certain shit that racism is still fucking out there and

00:55:28we gonna have to deal with it as a motherfucking country i didn't know it was even out there

00:55:32like that i had to fuck around and get my motherfucking feelings hurt

00:55:35i did flavor flav comedy central roast and shit and i was so excited thank you sir uh because

00:55:41i was excited because it was gonna be me and flav and some more and iced tea and snoop and i'm like

00:55:47okay this is a wonderful thing for niggas and sometimes shit just catch you off guard i showed up

00:55:53four days early like i just want to get the script so i can get my part together so i can do my job

00:55:58and they was like uh it's no script uh you gonna write yours and then we got writers that's gonna

00:56:05write for everybody else

00:56:06now at this point my nigga spider sense begins to tingle softly like

00:56:14nigga you've been in a setup before and it feels just like this coincidentally

00:56:19so i'm worried i keep asking about the script they keep telling me it's no script they tell me wait

00:56:24for the day before the show to the dress rehearsal so we get to the dress rehearsal and it's just us

00:56:30niggas none of the white comics is there i'm like well what about them don't they uh have to be here

00:56:36for the dress rehearsal so they can dress in rehearsal

00:56:39they was like no they're professionals they do this all the time uh-huh all right

00:56:49well at this point it's no longer tingling now it's a full alarm blaze right now some shit is really

00:56:56going on so i sent d militani there to find me a goddamn script and showing up he come back with

00:57:01the script and it's racist like a 1946 newspaper i saw the william shatner roast and the pamela anderson

00:57:08roast and it wasn't all about them being white but on flavor flav shit every other word was

00:57:13flav is a crispity crackly crunchity coon he's a black sizzly crunchity crackly coon

00:57:20flav is a big black crispy crackly crunchity coon all through the fucking script the first line say

00:57:27flavaflade in a purple suit and a paper hat is supposed to come out the sky on the wire with his

00:57:33legs cocked up like this and as he come out the sky the first word i'm supposed to say is look

00:57:38it's a flying monkey that's what it say right on the first goddamn line so i'm backstage going to

00:57:44fuck off like it's gonna be the crispity crackly crunchity coon hour on my motherfucking watch i'm

00:57:50tearing up all the shit in the backstage i can afford to tell i'd have left the plasmas and the stereo and

00:57:57shit but i'm fucking up the plastic cups and paper plates and shit give me these napkins nigga i don't give

00:58:03a fuck i'd have done eleven dollars worth of goddamn damage back there and by the time i get out

00:58:10flav is already in the contraption and they just let him go and all i can say is look it's a flying

00:58:16monkey that's all i can say and the whole goddamn show i was mad but i was mad at me that i was still

00:58:22fucking doing it the way i felt because but they had already told me how much they was gonna pay me

00:58:27and i had already spent it in my head so i was in a fucked up position i was mad the whole goddamn

00:58:35show and flavors kids was in the audience they left halfway through the show crying and shit because

00:58:41they daddy had been called all types of crispity crackity crunchity coons and after the show i'm mad

00:58:48my staff mad everybody backstage like it's still racism in this motherfucking day and age and we feeling

00:58:54fucked up and right at that moment flay bust in the trailer smiling and congratulating everybody on a

00:59:01good show and high-fiving niggas and i was like what the fuck is wrong with you nigga you you don't give

00:59:08a fuck what these motherfuckers think about you and certain niggas you don't expect to learn nothing from

00:59:13like you know what the fuck i'm saying i'm saying of a niggas standing in front of you in a viking helmet

00:59:22and gold teeth and a purple suit and a big ass clock with the wrong goddamn time on it you'll be

00:59:27like i can't learn nothing from this nigga right here i can't learn nothing from this nigga and i'll

00:59:34never forget that nigga looked at me he was like i don't give a fuck what they think they got to pay

00:59:41me boy and ran out the goddamn trailer

00:59:52i got to thinking about it you know what that nigga is absolutely

01:00:01goddamn right that's what the fuck it mean to be in tune with your star player if they was gonna call

01:00:08you a crispity crackly crunchity coon anyway you might as well get them motherfuckers for everything

01:00:17everything everything everything you got to be in tune with your star goddamn player you ain't never

01:00:24gonna be able to please every goddamn body and you might as well stop fucking trying oprah winfrey done

01:00:29made nine billion goddamn dollars and motherfuckers still be talking shit about oprah with nine but you

01:00:36should be able to kill a motherfucker just by saying nine billion in they direction just nine

01:00:41billion nigga nine billion you better duck nigga nine billion did you hear the billion

01:00:47oprah done done every fucking thing good you could possibly do and

01:00:50motherfucking steel talks nigga fuck her nigga she don't like hip-hop

01:00:53nigga fuck hip-hop i don't like flute music it didn't make me nine billion goddamn dollars

01:00:58oprah done done every fucking nice thing there was to do

01:01:02fuck me at the end of my show i say thank you and good night at the end of oprah's show you stand

01:01:07up she done put a muffin basket under your seat two best-selling novels but three of your kids through

01:01:13college without your permission and shit well oprah's into her star fucking player she know you think her

01:01:19name ugly that's why she named everything oprah the magazine name oprah the show name oprah new network

01:01:25name oprah gail's name oprah stedman's names oprah she don't give a fuck and that's how you gonna have

01:01:31to be and we finna go into some major motherfucking changes in this fucking country and white people

01:01:36please do not take it the wrong way we do not hate y'all no fucking more it is not your fault that

01:01:42y'all looked the way the people looked who did the fucked up shit to us and we understand the difference

01:01:47but we gonna have to get better as a country white people stop asking your black friends about oj we

01:01:53don't know nothing more about oj then y'all goddamn do it's 50 on either side oj ain't come to a

01:02:00nigga meeting and many a moons we don't even send him invitations anymore everything is not the same

01:02:06white people what about oj we don't know about oj most of us got niggas who really are in court and

01:02:12really need some leniency from a judge and shit for a motherfucker to be getting off on murder and then

01:02:17going to jail for anything you're not supposed to go to jail for nothing after murder nigga you

01:02:23not even supposed to jaywalk you supposed to be the last nigga to cross the street

01:02:31most of us was done with this nigga where he wrote a book where he hypothetically snitches

01:02:35on his goddamn self that was very un-niggardly nigga what this nigga wrote a book called what if i would

01:02:43have done it nigga what if you'd shut the fuck up what is you trying

01:02:46then this nigga went to jail for some shit niggas didn't even know was a crime this nigga went to

01:02:54jail for stealing his own shit nigga did you go to jail for stealing a picture of you nigga

01:03:03you couldn't have got a copy of kinko's or nothing oj won't even go to jail like a nigga every time you

01:03:09see oj going to jail he moving way too quick to be going to jail like him and the officers is late

01:03:15for a meeting or something with his big ass head bopping up and down and shit

01:03:22all niggas know it's only one acceptable walk to jail nigga and it is slow and deliberate

01:03:27and all while you have your head up you'll be thinking i can't remember nobody's goddamn number

01:03:38by heart nigga this is bullshit i ain't gonna never get out of jail nigga i can't remember nobody's

01:03:43goddamn number this is bullshit we just gonna have to deal with the shit we gotta deal with make sure

01:03:49you have as much fun as you can i get in trouble because i be trying to have too much fun and i be

01:03:54telling black people you need to get you some white friends but you have to be careful with your white

01:03:59friends your white friends to get you up accidentally sometimes like everybody know i like weed everybody

01:04:05know i think it's fantastic well my my white friends me up on the shit because they was like we got

01:04:13something that's really fantastic and i was like well weed is already really fantastic i don't know how you

01:04:20go out fantastic fantastic uh and sometimes niggas you should know when to shut the fuck up because i

01:04:26be saying shit like uh i wonder how high i could actually get and if you say that around uh some

01:04:33niggas that we all just laugh and move on just high nigga you crazy but uh your white friends take that

01:04:40shit seriously and they got answers for your questions and shit and you might want to be careful and shit because

01:04:46uh my white friends introduced me to something called the vaporizer and um uh as a public service

01:04:53announcement niggas this is um this is the real deal right here this is uh a lot of shit is bullshit this

01:05:00is not one of them uh nigga this is star trek the next generation right here this is a new frontier i was

01:05:07not fucking ready it come in a black box and shit and uh you put the weed in there and then they plugged it

01:05:14in the wall now soon as i saw them plug it into the wall i realized i had already crossed my

01:05:24motherfucking boundary uh i'm standing there with a lighter in my motherfucking hand like

01:05:34this motherfucker is no bullshit it got real knobs on it you don't put it on warm it's like a oven you put

01:05:39it on a real temperature like 375 like jiffy corn muffin mix numbers and it ain't got no fire and no

01:05:47smoke which really with me because if you smoke weed the the smoke is your way of knowing when not to go

01:05:55too far you can't really go too far because when you've achieved maximum highness your lungs will let

01:06:01you know that's when you can't catch the cough when you but this this don't have no smoke it's just all

01:06:16vapor and you have to be careful because you don't know how many vapors

01:06:23you can safely take you just don't know i was four five bags then before i realized

01:06:28nigga you have made a terrible mistake you this year you might wanna you might not want to find

01:06:35out how high you can actually get just take it from me you might really embarrass yourself to yourself

01:06:41if you ain't careful you don't want to be a grown motherfucking man in your own car in the driveway

01:06:47with a wife be the own and some jogging pants crying with a lap full of bills crying the lil wayne

01:06:53songs and shit cuz he sound like he's six when he rapping you just in the car just if i don't do

01:06:58nothing i'm a ball i counted all day like come on look in the left mirror i ain't never read from the

01:07:12dick i had i damn just saying you might not want to get to that motherfucking extreme

01:07:20that shit got so high it took me all the way low and it took me all the way high and you're not

01:07:26supposed to be so high that you go in your house and start fucking with your kids we game you are not

01:07:32supposed to do it because we and weed do not go together they seem like they should go together

01:07:38but they don't because the weed wants you to be active and weed want you to sit your motherfucking

01:07:43ass down and you should not be fucking with that you are not supposed to as a grown man

01:07:49get so high that you don't went in the house found your kids we playing the tennis game and done

01:07:55fucked up your whole goddamn house losing by a thousand goddamn points trying to play tennis in

01:08:01your living room and shit move the couch kids come back home what happened daddy it looked like a

01:08:12tornado came through here little wayne was in here crying and shit i don't know what the

01:08:16fucking happened i'm sorry you just gonna have to fucking do your fucking best and try as hard as

01:08:22you can because sometimes just does not work out the way you motherfucking plan that's just a part of

01:08:28life sometimes shit do not work out the fucking way you plan i'm gonna give you a prime example

01:08:32i waited my whole fucking life trying to get a motorcycle my whole fucking life all i wanted was

01:08:38a motorcycle and first i couldn't afford the motorcycle then when i could afford the motorcycle

01:08:44then i had kids and you can't just get a motorcycle as your primary means of transportation

01:08:50if you got kids you don't know what to tell them in the driveway you just i ain't got no room

01:08:58and i finally was able to fucking get the motorcycle i was happy like a kid at

01:09:05motherfucking christmas you don't understand i have never been this goddamn happy i had the

01:09:09motherfucking motorcycle and it was small and black and fast just like me and i had got the black harley

01:09:16davison boots and the leather one piece that zip up here and got the knee pads and shit already in it

01:09:22i looked like a black toddler superhero like you should call me to solve small crimes and

01:09:27shit but i felt good than a motherfucker because i'm not that big in regular life but um

01:09:35on a motorcycle nigga i'm the perfect size if you look in the rear view you don't even see me coming

01:09:41nigga it just look like a bike is coming by itself nigga

01:09:44and i'm so proud to have that and i thought everybody was gonna be excited for me

01:09:53because i was happy and everybody talked shit everybody everybody who saw me standing by the

01:09:59goddamn bike talk about what the is you doing with a bike you're gonna

01:10:03kill yourself and then my bodyguard who ride a harley every goddamn day i'm thinking this

01:10:08nigga gonna have my back this the first nigga talking shit talking about nigga if you ride

01:10:12nigga you gonna fall they go what nigga if you ride nigga you gonna fall why are you saying that

01:10:22like that's in the bible or something that's not a scripture you can't just be quoting that to people

01:10:27nigga if you ride nigga you gonna fall so he done said this shit so much it done spooked me so i had to

01:10:33take the bike off to myself for a couple days and try to practice and shit because i'm not built like

01:10:39regular motherfuckers like most motorcycle niggas if you see them at the light they holding they whole

01:10:45bike up just on they tippy toes and shit i'm not built like that i got to ease way up on the handlebars

01:10:51put my legs out firmly and shit or else i'd be done lost control of the bike and rolled into the intersection

01:10:57or some shit just so i had to go off to my motherfucking self and try to get my shit in

01:11:08fucking order so i don't worked on it for like three or four days and finally i feel comfortable enough

01:11:13to debut and showcase me and my motherfucking fast ass black motherfucking bike so we are in tampa

01:11:21and it's the perfect situation it's a curvy road that go like this and then it break into a straight shot

01:11:26for a mile now i'm not gonna with the curvy part but i am in the cusp of the curb and the straightaway

01:11:33and all i'm waiting for is the bus to come because it's got glass windows and i want them to come

01:11:38around and then catch me in all my motherfucking glory down the goddamn street and i'm not telling

01:11:45my bodyguard because i want him to be the first motherfucker with the dusty mouth for talking

01:11:50shit about me in the first goddamn place so this is how it was in my head now you know

01:11:56what i was thinking in my head now it had been raining for a couple days before this day

01:12:02don't worry that don't have nothing to do with the story i'm just trying to make sure

01:12:06you know the details but since it had been raining i decided i'm gonna be extra careful

01:12:11so i moved my bike to the middle of the street right on the yellow line and the reason i'm doing that

01:12:17is because it's a straight shot and i want to make sure if somebody come from this way or that way

01:12:22i can maneuver now you can probably hear some niggas grumbling and laughing in the back them

01:12:27is real motorcycle riders who is telling their friends you should never ever be on the yellow

01:12:32line because that's the strict slippriest place on the goddamn street but none of them smart ass

01:12:38niggas was there at the goddamn time so i'm just gonna tell the story like it happened so here i am

01:12:46on the yellow line the bus is coming through the curves now you know when you get excited how

01:12:52everything slow down and go into slow motion and that's where the i was i saw the bus i went into slow motion

01:13:04and i hit that one time now let me pause the story right here just to say sometimes

01:13:13shit does not work out the way you goddamn planned it one second i'm waiting on my moment of glory

01:13:21i hit it one time yeah i don't know what happened the next second

01:13:27but the second after that i am in the middle of the goddamn street

01:13:34with my bike on top of me

01:13:36now not only am i in the middle of the goddamn street trapped under my own goddamn bike the bus

01:13:45has now pulled up right the here so now everybody in my staff is looking at me trapped under my own

01:13:53goddamn bike and my bodyguard who could have easily picked this up off of me is too busy getting

01:14:00his seven goddamn chuckles under his goddamn helmet and shit and not only am i caught under my own

01:14:07fucking bike my left hand is caught up under the handlebars so not only am i trapped under my own

01:14:14bike in the middle of the street i am slowly spinning for no goddamn reason at all

01:14:30i get up all this side is all crispity crackly crunching it cool

01:14:46i can't even get no motherfucking sympathy from no goddamn body because it ain't like i got in a

01:14:50motorcycle accident all the that happened is my bike drugged me five feet up the goddamn highway

01:14:56and then slowly spun me rotisserie style in front of my goddamn friends

01:15:07i had to do what any real motherfucker would do in that situation

01:15:14i got back on that motherfucker made them follow me for 500 miles

01:15:17while i did two and a half miles an hour crying

01:15:21that's

01:15:25y'all been all that i've been cat will thank you so much dc i appreciate it

01:15:39You suckers don't fit like gangsters playin' ping pong

01:15:50I stand strong, ain't nothin' you can do with me

01:15:53Feel it deep, niggas, don't be actin' like they're cool

01:15:55I got my swag right, I got my cash on

01:15:58A lot of haters talkin' bout I ain't gon' last long

01:16:01But that's unlikely, like me

01:16:04Probably because they ain't nothin' like me

01:16:07Cause I'ma blow, I'ma blow

01:16:10And when I blow, don't be actin' like you're cool with me

01:16:14Blow, I'ma blow, and when I blow

01:16:18Don't be actin' like you're cool with me

01:16:21XM, I hear them talkin'

01:16:27It sound like hate, it smell like hate

01:16:32It feel like hate, but ain't nothin' I can do about it

01:16:36It looks like Cat know how to make good decisions

01:16:39Cat Pack Records, people

01:16:44Suck-ass niggas talkin' bout they can rap

01:16:48Rap? Rap what?

01:16:49They got flow

01:16:50Flow what?

01:16:51Y'all got a problem is what y'all got right now

01:16:54A real problem

01:16:55Clutchin' explicit, people

01:16:57Hehehehe

01:16:59Crutchin' rumor

01:17:00Jump

01:17:01Bubbies

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