00:00 I'm a dog lover, but you don't need your dog
00:03 to have its own photograph on your dating profile.
00:06 Who am I dating?
00:07 Hi, I'm Sophia Franklin, and I'm gonna be roasting
00:10 some of your dating profiles for Cosmo.
00:14 I use dating apps for both hookups, dates,
00:17 and to find friends.
00:19 I absolutely have come across famous people on apps.
00:21 Trevor Noah, Pete Davidson.
00:24 Oh, the guy from Succession, Greg, was on there.
00:28 I tried to match with him.
00:29 He did not respond.
00:31 Okay, now let's get into some of these dating profiles.
00:35 First up, we have Trisha.
00:37 Age 28, lives in Brooklyn.
00:39 Occupation, senior marketing manager.
00:42 Seeking men, dating intentions, long-term relationship.
00:47 I would not put that in your bio, girlfriend.
00:51 You don't wanna give off that vibe going into a first date
00:54 or even a first conversation.
00:56 I think you should play a little bit of a game
00:58 in the beginning.
00:59 Now let's look at your photos.
01:00 We have a mirror selfie.
01:02 She's wearing my exact outfit right now, so A+++.
01:07 I would maybe make sure the mirror selfie next time
01:10 is in any other room besides the bathroom.
01:14 But she looks hot, so we have that.
01:16 Here we have Trisha with either a very, very hot mom
01:21 who had her at 16 or one of her good friends.
01:25 I want more Trisha.
01:26 Let's get rid of the friends.
01:28 And guys, they don't care to see your friends.
01:30 And if they do care to see your friends, that's an issue.
01:33 So just keep the friends out.
01:34 Here she is on the water, in the city.
01:38 She looks very cute, she looks confident,
01:40 and she looks like a good time.
01:41 Okay, here she is with her cat, hair all wrestled up.
01:46 They're playing around in the bed.
01:48 I want a little more sexy peel.
01:51 Like I don't want this (beep)
01:52 I want like the other (beep) you know?
01:55 All right, we're gonna look at Trisha's prompts.
01:58 The one thing I'd love to know about you is
02:01 your attachment style.
02:03 (exhaling)
02:05 If you don't already run Usain Bolt sprint
02:10 away from this profile, this will absolutely get that done.
02:14 Your attachment style, you play the game,
02:17 you make it seem like you're just there for fun
02:19 until they fall in love and then you trap them
02:21 and then you let them know who you really are.
02:23 The hallmark of a good relationship is
02:26 fiction girlfriend, holding hands emoji,
02:29 non-fiction boyfriend.
02:32 She wants to be in a relationship with someone
02:33 that doesn't exist on the planet.
02:36 I feel that.
02:37 I'm in a relationship and I want that to happen.
02:40 Well, we're kind of on a break, but there you go.
02:43 I don't want them to exist.
02:44 So I get it.
02:45 Overall takeaway is Trisha must be extremely confident
02:49 because she says it like it is.
02:51 I would swipe on her because of the first picture
02:55 and the mini skirt, great legs and very pretty face,
02:59 but not because of the prompts or the bio.
03:01 Maybe I'm a dude.
03:02 (beep)
03:03 Next profile we are getting into is John.
03:07 Age 33, location Chicago, occupation business owner,
03:12 seeking women, dating intentions, long-term relationship.
03:16 Okay, so we just don't know if he actually means
03:19 these things or if he's trying to get in a girl's pants
03:23 because he thinks girls wanna hear this (beep).
03:26 We'll find out.
03:27 Let's look at John's first picture.
03:30 It's a selfie, which is fine.
03:33 He's good looking.
03:34 He has his dog, a black lab over his shoulder.
03:38 That's actually really cute.
03:39 He's out in the wilderness.
03:41 Looks like he's wearing a camelback for sure,
03:43 which we could work on.
03:45 We could work on that.
03:46 Unless there's alcohol in it, then that's kind of fun.
03:48 But he's outdoorsy and it seems like a in the moment
03:52 kind of selfie, so I like it.
03:54 Not trying too hard.
03:55 Okay, next photo.
03:56 (sighs)
03:58 Ooh, okay, John.
04:00 He is running a marathon.
04:04 I hate this.
04:05 I don't trust people that run for long distances willingly.
04:09 Isn't that boring?
04:10 (laughs)
04:12 I don't like it.
04:13 Too active for me, way too active.
04:15 Next picture.
04:16 Just a picture of his dog.
04:18 He is not in the picture.
04:19 I think me and this dog would have a lot of problems
04:23 if John and I ended up dating.
04:25 Like who gets to sleep in the bed?
04:27 And I'm a dog lover, but you don't need your dog
04:30 to have its own photograph on your dating profile.
04:34 Who am I dating?
04:35 Picture with his mom.
04:36 This could save you, John.
04:39 I love that he is hanging out with his mom.
04:42 They're at a concert.
04:43 Love, love, love.
04:44 Love everything about this.
04:45 Love his outfit.
04:46 I'm into it.
04:47 All right, John.
04:48 Let's see how you answered your prompts
04:50 'cause I know your dog cannot type.
04:53 The key to my heart is helping me pack.
04:56 Okay, that's actually extremely funny
04:59 and I like it and I like you.
05:01 My favorite line from a movie.
05:03 "I award you no points
05:05 "and may God have mercy on your soul."
05:07 I don't know what movie that is, but I will Google it.
05:11 So when we go on a date, I'll be prepared.
05:14 And he's being funny, so I love that.
05:16 My simple pleasures.
05:18 Outdoor showers.
05:20 The fact that you added showers to the end of it saved you
05:24 'cause that could be a little sexy.
05:25 I'll do an outdoor shower
05:26 if it just said the outdoors goodbye.
05:29 I would swipe right on John.
05:31 He seems like a really good guy.
05:33 We would not get along when he gets up
05:35 for his 20-mile run.
05:38 I would support you when you got home.
05:40 And I know they have to eat a lot of carbs
05:42 before they run the next day, so I'll make you a pasta.
05:44 But that's about it.
05:45 Last profile, Tori.
05:47 Age 25, lives in NYC,
05:51 occupation publicist,
05:53 dating intentions, unsure,
05:55 no specific intentions.
05:59 Chef's kiss, I love that response.
06:01 Maybe she wants to (beep) you,
06:02 maybe she wants to take your money,
06:04 maybe she wants to date you,
06:05 maybe she wants to rob you, we don't know.
06:08 Okay, let's jump into her pictures.
06:11 Here we have unassuming ass shot.
06:14 It's not like under the butt.
06:17 She's in a tight-fitting dress.
06:19 Honestly, it's classy, it's tasteful
06:21 the way she's doing it.
06:22 And great ass, by the way.
06:24 I like it.
06:25 Okay, next picture.
06:26 We have her in a bikini.
06:28 Can I just do round of applause?
06:31 Next photograph, mirror selfie,
06:34 outfit cute, she looks cute.
06:37 I love this because she's doing a mirror selfie
06:40 and she's not covering her face,
06:42 which is a big no-no.
06:43 And I'm into it.
06:45 Okay, this is Tori at the top of a sand hill
06:49 with a snowboard.
06:50 It looks like you're adventurous and down to slide.
06:54 And not slide like that, slide into the DM,
06:57 but slide down the hill on your snowboard.
06:59 You like to have a good time.
07:01 And guys like that.
07:02 Okay, let's get into her prompts.
07:04 I am weirdly attracted to mullets and mustaches.
07:09 Same!
07:11 I don't know what the hell it is, but same girl.
07:14 Typical Sunday, Chinese food and pizza.
07:19 At the same time, Chinese food and pizza.
07:21 I like it, I love it.
07:22 It's the best.
07:23 I think she's absolutely saying enough here
07:25 by not really saying anything because guys don't care.
07:29 Unless you said some real crazy (beep)
07:31 then they would pay attention.
07:32 She's concise and that shows confidence.
07:34 Unusual skills, grammar.
07:38 I'm gonna type out a text like, "Are you okay?"
07:41 And I'm gonna use an R and then a U
07:43 and she's gonna get mad.
07:44 I doubt it.
07:45 I'll have her like check my emails,
07:47 double check them for me.
07:48 Overall takeaway is she was concise to the point,
07:52 perfect pictures, showed a little personality.
07:56 I would swipe right.
07:58 All right, so now I have to build my own dating profile.
08:01 So here we go.
08:02 Name, Sophia Franklin.
08:04 Age, 31.
08:05 New York City.
08:06 Occupation, content creator.
08:09 I am seeking a long-term relationship
08:13 but also could be short-term depending on my vibe.
08:17 The first photo on my dating profile,
08:21 it wouldn't be body.
08:22 I mean, it would show my body,
08:23 but it wouldn't be a bikini.
08:25 Just a cute outfit, not showing too much.
08:29 Looking hot as (beep)
08:30 I mean, hello.
08:31 Second photo, I would make it bent over.
08:36 I'm just kidding.
08:37 (laughing)
08:39 Second photo, I would, I don't know,
08:42 post another hot picture.
08:44 What are these dudes actually looking for?
08:46 Third photo, I would include my mom and my brother
08:50 to just let them know like I am a wholesome,
08:53 good-hearted girl.
08:54 And I don't have a dog to post with, okay?
08:56 So I have to use my family members.
08:58 Fourth photo and last photo,
09:01 me like at an ATM with just stacks of $100 bills
09:05 to show off how successful I am.
09:07 And now I have to answer some prompts.
09:11 The weirdest thing about me is I love anchovies.
09:16 Is that weird?
09:16 (laughing)
09:18 There's a resounding yes.
09:21 My simple pleasures are being alone,
09:25 reading a book, watching "Housewives"
09:29 or "Forensic Files."
09:31 That show is insane.
09:32 The weirdest gift I've ever given was a coupon book
09:37 and he could use any coupon
09:40 and they were all different sexual favors.
09:43 I never did any of those sexual favors ever.
09:46 - Oh, okay.
09:47 - Never once.
09:48 - Did he try to cash in?
09:49 - Absolutely.
09:51 My coupon expired.
09:53 That would be my dating profile.
09:55 Thanks so much for watching, you guys.
09:57 And listen to my podcast, "Sophia with an F"
10:00 and you can find me anywhere.
10:02 Sophia Franklin.
10:03 Sophia with an F, Franklin with a Y.
10:05 My parents really tried to screw me with that.
10:07 (light music)
10:09 (light music)
10:12 (light music)
10:15 (light music)
10:17 [Music]
10:19 [BLANK_AUDIO]
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