00:00 Have you unknowingly shut yourself off from love
00:03 while convincing yourself that you're still open to finding it?
00:06 If you're feeling emotionally numb, defeated, or heartbroken in your desire to date,
00:11 this video is for you.
00:13 By uncovering the deeper psychological reasons behind why you've given up on dating,
00:18 you can start to heal your sore heart.
00:21 A Cut Too Deep
00:23 Past trauma like abandonment,
00:25 the death of the person you love,
00:27 the divorce of your parents,
00:29 or childhood neglect can understandably lead one to give up on dating.
00:34 As singer and actress Demi Lovato explains,
00:36 experiencing trauma can make you build walls around your heart
00:40 to protect yourself from further pain.
00:42 It can make you hesitant to trust and be vulnerable in relationships.
00:45 But I believe that through therapy, self-reflection,
00:48 and surrounding yourself with the right people,
00:50 it's possible to break down those walls and find love again.
00:54 Experiencing trauma can have a significant impact on one's ability to trust
00:58 and form intimate connections.
01:00 You may feel reluctant or guarded when it comes to love or dating.
01:04 Not Me
01:07 Every time you approached your family home,
01:10 your body would tense up immediately,
01:12 like your body knew it would need armor
01:14 for the battleground you were about to walk into once you opened that door.
01:19 At a young age, you promised yourself that you'd never let this happen to you.
01:23 This is because past experiences hold significant weight on how you view dating,
01:28 whether it's a bad relationship, infidelity, or unrequited love,
01:32 those experiences shape you.
01:34 Maybe it doesn't feel like you're giving up on dating,
01:38 but it feels like you're giving up the pain they brought.
01:41 The fear of repeating past negative experiences
01:44 can make it challenging to trust new people
01:46 and can lead to heightened hypervigilance.
01:49 Inactive
01:51 In today's modern world,
01:53 it's almost impossible to date without using an app.
01:56 But dating apps can feel like psychological punishment,
02:00 where you have to mentally prepare yourself to open the app
02:03 as you face the ghosters, the meanies, or the plain-out creepy messages.
02:08 If you think this way, you definitely aren't alone.
02:11 Nearly half, 45% of Americans who used dating apps or websites in the previous year
02:18 said the experience left them feeling more frustrated.
02:21 So while you may technically have a profile,
02:24 if yours has been inactive or neglected,
02:27 this could be a sign that you've given up on dating.
02:29 If you're enjoying the video,
02:31 please consider hitting that like button and subscribing.
02:34 It really helps us continue helping others.
02:36 Detachment
02:38 According to best-selling self-help author Mark Mason,
02:42 a common way we bypass dealing with the emotional stress involved in dating
02:46 is by dissociating,
02:48 and we shut off our need for intimacy and connection.
02:52 Picture this.
02:53 You're sitting across from someone on a date,
02:55 but it feels like you're a zombie.
02:57 Despite physically being there,
02:59 your eyes may reveal a detachment,
03:01 a lack of genuine engagement,
03:03 signifying that you may have reached the point of giving up on dating.
03:07 Dating can evoke a whirlwind of emotions
03:10 like anxiety, fear, and excitement all at once.
03:14 You may use dissociation as a way to cope and create a sense of distance
03:18 from the intensity of these overwhelming emotions.
03:22 Push it away
03:23 Are you prone to creating distance,
03:26 avoiding commitment,
03:27 or finding reasons to end relationships before they become too deep?
03:32 According to psychologist Lisa Firestone,
03:34 love doesn't always just slip away.
03:36 We push it away.
03:37 Actively, slowly, unknowingly,
03:41 you push away from love.
03:43 This can materialize as starting petty arguments
03:46 or being emotionally unavailable.
03:48 Sounds like a classic teen rom-com movie, right?
03:51 The one where the main character embarks on a series of
03:54 light-hearted frivolous encounters in search of fun.
03:57 However, when the possibility of a genuine and profound relationship arises,
04:01 they instinctively push it away.
04:03 A deep-seated fear of love may arise due to past experiences of heartbreak,
04:08 attachment issues, or a fear of vulnerability.
04:11 Often, we find ourselves unprepared for something real.
04:15 The more someone means to us,
04:16 the greater the potential for heartbreak if it doesn't work out.
04:20 And so, you subconsciously protect yourself by sabotaging potential relationships.
04:25 But it's okay to let love in, even if you're terrified, says Lisa.
04:30 There is absolutely nothing wrong with not dating.
04:34 But if you can relate to these signs and have given up because of a pain in your heart,
04:38 this video may be a sign of something worth exploring through therapy
04:42 or with a heart-to-heart with the person you trust.
04:45 Maybe even through journaling or self-reflection as a gentle first step.
04:50 Can you relate to these signs?
04:52 Chances are you're not alone, so please share your feelings in the comments below
04:56 if it's helpful to talk about it and you feel comfortable.
04:59 And before you go, if you find this video valuable,
05:03 don't miss 10 Ways to Deal with a Broken Heart.
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