00:00 Tell me three things you like about your physical appearance.
00:04 Um...
00:06 Um...
00:09 I like...
00:11 I...
00:13 Shouldn't be having this hard of a time figuring it out.
00:17 Oh my god.
00:21 Oh my god.
00:24 I'm so stupid.
00:25 Um...
00:32 Three things?
00:34 Tell me three things you wish you could change about your physical appearance.
00:37 Oh, that's easy.
00:38 My nose.
00:39 I'd probably change, like, my eyebrows, 'cause I've always been insecure about that.
00:44 Definitely my eye bags.
00:45 Oh my god, I've had eye bags since I was, like, out of the womb.
00:48 I would change my skin color.
00:50 I feel, like, really pale, and, like, my veins, like, pop out.
00:53 I don't like that.
01:17 I have suffered from, like, episodes of depression, and I feel anxious a lot of the time.
01:24 And I do think my appearance is a big part of that, because I'm always worried what other people think of me.
01:32 And if I don't think I'm attractive enough or good enough, that's gonna affect my self-esteem and my anxiety.
01:39 In your everyday routine, how important do you find makeup and what you wear?
01:45 Highly important, 'cause that stuff makes me feel good about myself.
01:50 And then, like, that reflects in my personality.
01:53 I'm not productive if I don't feel good.
01:55 I think...
01:58 I think wanting to be, like, approachable affects the way I look a lot.
02:05 Like, I feel like--it goes back to my eye bags again--
02:08 like, I feel like if I don't wear any makeup and cover my eye bags a lot,
02:12 then I'm not gonna look as approachable.
02:15 I'm gonna look, like, scary or sad or, like, intimidating,
02:17 which I've gotten before when I haven't worn makeup.
02:20 So I think that impacts it a lot.
02:22 I think it's, like--the biggest pressure on how I view myself
02:27 is seeing how people in my life treat other people in my life
02:30 compared to how they treat me, which shouldn't be how I base it,
02:33 because, honestly, like, it's probably not as deep as I think.
02:37 But when I'm, like, standing next to someone,
02:39 and they get a compliment about how pretty they look,
02:41 and I'm just kind of standing there, like, cool.
02:44 I let that take away from how I see myself when I really shouldn't,
02:48 but I think it's comparison and, like, just seeing all the people around me
02:52 and thinking about, like, how I wish I was them
02:55 when in reality there's probably so many people that feel the same way about me,
02:58 but I can't help ignoring, like, this jealousy
03:01 and this want to be the people around me
03:04 who have so many friends and are so successful.
03:06 And I feel like I let the idea of appearance play into that
03:09 when it's totally unrelated, but I think about the fact that, like,
03:12 maybe if I looked different, I would be living like them,
03:16 and I think that's a really big pressure on how I see myself.
03:20 - Bullies. And social media, most definitely.
03:26 I think bullies, like, in middle school, elementary school,
03:30 especially, like, elementary school, we wouldn't, like, see a lot of--
03:34 At my school, I went to a predominantly white school,
03:37 so I wouldn't see a bunch of people that looked like me and stuff like that,
03:40 especially someone as dark as me, so I wouldn't--
03:43 Or if I did see them, I would think they're ugly too
03:46 because my friends were all white and stuff like that.
03:49 Yeah, I wouldn't-- I thought they were ugly too, so I wouldn't, you know.
03:52 But because I went to a predominantly white school,
03:54 I had a bunch of bullies 'cause they were like,
03:57 "Oh, you drink-- if you drink chocolate milk, you're dark,"
04:00 you know, like, stuff like that. It was something stupid like that,
04:03 but then it also turned into, like, "Oh, you're purple,"
04:06 or, "You're ugly," 'cause, I don't know.
04:08 They used to call me, like, "N-word lips" and stuff like that,
04:11 and I'd be like, "Wow," you know.
04:14 "Wow, this is what people think about people that look like me,"
04:18 so I didn't want to, you know, look like me, you know,
04:23 in middle school and stuff like that.
04:26 I was judged for being ugly and being--
04:29 I was big. I was a little big, so I didn't--
04:33 a lot of girls weren't accepting of me,
04:38 so what I thought-- what I had to do was make my personality bigger
04:44 and make my personality shine so that my appearance
04:50 wouldn't change the way that people thought of me and stuff like that.
04:54 So I do get judged because, you know,
04:58 especially-- I went to a predominantly white school,
05:01 and I'm dark-skinned, so it's like--
05:04 they're going to look at me and they're going to be like--
05:07 oh, they're going to say a bunch of stuff about me that isn't true
05:11 and isn't, you know, acceptable right now,
05:17 but I'm going to-- oh, my gosh, I'm sorry.
05:20 I just see-- I just know that a bunch of--
05:27 I do get judged a lot for what I look like
05:30 because of my skin color and stuff like that,
05:33 and because I was surrounded by people that looked not like me and stuff like that.
05:37 I would just like to say, if you are, you know,
05:43 a young girl like me in my group,
05:46 and you feel like you don't like what you look like,
05:49 I hope you know that you are not alone,
05:52 and it takes so much to overcome the hatred that you feel for yourself.
05:57 It takes so much to overcome just a mindset that you've had for a while,
06:02 but I want you to know that genuinely, you are beautiful,
06:06 and there's nothing that anyone can take away from you.
06:10 Even if you're not society standard,
06:13 there's nothing about you that is solely on your face.
06:18 Your soul is so much more than what you look like,
06:23 and this is just the body that you're going to have to deal with,
06:26 and the body that you have now, even if you don't like it,
06:30 it's the one that you're going to have for the rest of your life,
06:33 and why would you spend your time hating it, you know?
06:37 Just--not just love yourself, because there's so much--
06:41 there's so much kind of looted into that statement.
06:44 It's very, very hard to love yourself,
06:46 but I hope you realize that we can't live miserably in this society,
06:53 because that's just letting the haters win.
06:56 We can't let the haters win, y'all.
06:58 Are you kidding me? They're whack.
07:00 And I think that society standards are whack,
07:02 and you don't have to follow anything that you don't want to follow,
07:05 and I think you're gorgeous and beautiful, and I love you, dude,
07:08 and I hope that your journey is super happy and gorgeous
07:12 and filled with butterflies and rainbows.
07:14 [laughs]
07:16 [BLANK_AUDIO]
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