- 5 years ago
Life With Elizabeth : S1:E4 Shutterbug Alvin/Honeymoon's Over/Sickbay
Not Rated | 25min | Comedy | Episode aired 28 October 1953
Not Rated | 25min | Comedy | Episode aired 28 October 1953
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Betty White in Life With Elizabeth, featuring Del Moore.
00:20For our first incident in the life of Elizabeth, why don't we see what she and Alvin are doing
00:26at this very moment.
00:27Let's see, it's about 8.30, so dinner should be over.
00:31I heard them mention they'd be home tonight, so why don't we take a chance.
00:37Elizabeth, how are you tonight?
00:41I can see Alvin's taking pictures, but what are you working on?
00:46Oh, darning socks.
00:50You'd better listen to Alvin.
00:51He's about to say something.
00:52All right, honey, strike the pose and hold it.
00:56Real nice, buddy.
00:59There.
01:00Say, that ought to be a real good study.
01:01Wonder what I ought to call that.
01:03Why don't you call it Whistler's sister?
01:06Whistler's sister.
01:08No, I have a better idea, darling.
01:10Why don't you sit here and we'll call it Whistler's father?
01:14Elizabeth, will you stop talking like an idiot, please?
01:18Sometimes I have to talk like an idiot, darling, so you'll understand me.
01:22What did you mean by that?
01:24Nothing.
01:25As long as we have this rocker, why don't you make a whole series of Whistler pictures?
01:31I have an idea.
01:32Here, come here.
01:34You sit here a minute.
01:35You be Mr. Whistler.
01:36Honey, please, I'm trying to take pictures now.
01:38Come on now.
01:39Don't be so narrow-minded.
01:40I might have a good idea here.
01:42You don't know.
01:43Here.
01:44All right, now you sit right like that.
01:47Now, purse your lips, Mr. Whistler.
01:51Okay.
01:52Hold it.
01:54Got it.
01:56I think I'll call that Whistler whistling.
02:00Honey, you're wasting the film.
02:02Please.
02:03One more shot.
02:04Just one more.
02:05Now sit there, Mr. Whistler.
02:06Mr. Whistler.
02:07All right.
02:08Now get up.
02:12Now move away.
02:13Away?
02:14Away, yeah.
02:15Hold it.
02:18Got it.
02:19Now what's the big idea of taking a picture of an empty chair?
02:22I'm going to call it
02:23Whistler's office rocker.
02:27Rocker, get away from that tripod.
02:29Robin, you knocked me out with that camera.
02:32Don't put any ideas in my head, grandma.
02:35I'm sorry.
02:37I guess I have been teasing you too much, darling.
02:40It's all right.
02:41I'm just trying to concentrate.
02:42What's the idea of all the pictures all of a sudden?
02:44Oh, that magazine.
02:45They're running a contest for all kinds of pictures.
02:47I'm going to enter every one of them.
02:48Still lifes, candids, portraits, whole works.
02:52A lot of money in this, you know, if you put your mind to it.
02:57What are you doing now?
02:58This is going to be one of the still lifes.
03:00I think I'm going to call this one grapefruit in a bowl.
03:03Yeah.
03:05Awfully logical, isn't it, honey?
03:10Why don't you call it sour pawn shop?
03:16You get it?
03:17It looks like one of those signs out in front of a pawn shop.
03:20Yeah.
03:21I'd kill me.
03:24What do you do, honey?
03:25Sharpen your toenails?
03:30What was that for?
03:31That was one of the candid shots.
03:32And I might as well warn you, dear,
03:33that I'm going to take as many candid shots of you
03:35as I get a chance to.
03:36So be careful.
03:37Oh, Alvin, don't do that.
03:38That'd make people look awful.
03:39Well, don't say I didn't warn you.
03:42Well, if that's the way you feel about it,
03:43I'm going to stay right in this chair.
03:46Suit yourself.
03:47What do I care?
03:48Elizabeth, will you hand me that flash bulb down there,
03:50please, on the floor?
03:51Where?
03:52Right down there in front of the chair.
03:57Oh, Alvin.
03:58I'm going to call that one lady in pain.
04:00Huh?
04:01Alvin, give me that.
04:02Now, now, take it easy.
04:03Besides, I want to take some real nice pictures of you
04:05a little bit later.
04:10What are you doing now?
04:11I don't trust you.
04:12Adjusting the lights.
04:13That's all.
04:15Alvin.
04:16Come on, Alvin.
04:17I'm none of your trouble.
04:18Hold it.
04:20Give me that.
04:21Last one.
04:22Sit down.
04:23Take a nice pretty picture.
04:24Come on, sit down.
04:25I can't even trust you behind my back.
04:27Now, this one is going to be a prize winner,
04:30and I'm going to call this one typical.
04:33It's going to be a little close up, so watch it.
04:35Typical wife.
04:36Hold still now.
04:37Typical.
04:38Wouldn't that look more natural going through your wallet?
04:41Alvin, please.
04:42Now, this is a serious portrait.
04:43Ready?
04:44One, two.
04:45That's funny.
04:46Come on.
04:47Let's try it again.
04:48One.
04:49Pretty.
04:50One, two.
04:51Must be a cheap lens.
04:52Now, let's take it once more.
04:53All righty.
04:54Nice and pretty.
04:55One, two.
04:56One, two.
04:57One, two.
04:58One, two.
04:59One, two.
05:00One, two.
05:01One, two.
05:02One, two.
05:03One, two.
05:04One, two.
05:05One, two.
05:06One, two.
05:07One, two.
05:08One, two.
05:09One, two.
05:11One, two.
05:14Oh, Elizabeth, for goodness sake.
05:16That was nice.
05:19Crickets.
05:26I shall leave you at this point, Alvin.
05:27I have a television program I'd like to hear about.
05:31No, just a minute.
05:33I want to try one more shot.
05:34Where's that glass top table we had around here?
05:36You know, the glass top.
05:37It was a barrow, a bike chair.
05:38All righty, would you put it right over here for me, please, Elizabeth?
05:43Lighting isn't too bad in here for pictures, I don't think.
05:46Now where do you want this?
05:48Just put it right down here, sweetie.
05:50This is the one you ought to call Lady in Pain.
05:53It's funny, put the pain down there. Right down there.
05:56Can I help you, honey?
05:58Thank you ever so much, Alvin.
06:00Now look, when I climb underneath, I want you to adjust the lights, okay?
06:03Bye.
06:05What are you, what are you trying to do?
06:07Get a worm's eye view of the ceiling?
06:09No, I'm going to wait until a fly lands on the glass.
06:12That should make a very unusual shot, don't you think?
06:14Alvin, you're stooping pretty low when you start photographing underneath flies.
06:19I'll just have to wait a while.
06:21Maybe I better open the screen doors and let some in.
06:24Elizabeth, don't be ridiculous. Elizabeth, don't let any flies in this house.
06:27We've got enough.
06:28Elizabeth, come back here. We've got enough flies.
06:32Alvin?
06:33Yes?
06:34Have you seen any flies yet?
06:35No.
06:36Maybe this will do it.
06:37Elizabeth, don't do that.
06:38Honey, don't.
06:39Elizabeth.
06:40Don't.
06:41Don't.
06:42Don't.
06:43Don't do that.
06:44Wee.
06:45Wee.
06:46Honey.
06:51What am I doing?
06:52I'm the one that has to clean this up.
06:53All right, okay.
06:54Go on, see your television show.
06:55Get out of here.
06:56Come on.
06:57No, let's take some more pictures.
06:59I think I'll help you.
07:00Let's do some more still lifes.
07:02Please.
07:05Um, there.
07:07Now, what is that supposed to be?
07:09Let's call it a stick and a grapefruit.
07:12Oh, Elizabeth, for goodness sake, don't be that insult.
07:16It's stuck.
07:18Let's call it stuck stick and a grapefruit.
07:21Get out of here.
07:22Go on.
07:23Get on out of here.
07:24You know, if we piled them up, honey, we could have a whole stack of stuck sticks.
07:27Out.
07:28Out.
07:29We could have a whole stack of stuck sticks in stock.
07:33Leave those sticks stuck.
07:34Here.
07:35Hold this.
07:40Thank you, Elizabeth.
07:42Now, what's the big idea of putting that under my chin?
07:44Cut.
07:45I think I'll call that water under the bridge.
07:51Open your hand.
07:52Open your hand.
07:54I'm helping?
07:55Sure, help him.
07:56Hold this, please.
07:57Cup your hands.
07:58There you are.
07:59Put your hands together.
08:00How do you mean?
08:01Like this.
08:02Right in here.
08:03Close them in there like that.
08:04Tighten them up.
08:05You got it?
08:06How's that?
08:07All right?
08:08Uh-huh.
08:09Good.
08:10What are you going to call this one?
08:11I think I shall call that, um...
08:13I shall leave you at this point, Elizabeth.
08:15That's funny.
08:16It means forever.
08:19Oh, no.
08:20Alvin, you wouldn't.
08:21Good night, Elizabeth.
08:22Alvin, no.
08:23Alvin, you couldn't do a thing like that.
08:25Alvin?
08:26Elizabeth, aren't you ashamed?
08:34You know, every marriage eventually reaches that stage
08:36known as the end of the honeymoon.
08:39It's that time in marriage when the husband suddenly notices the burnt toast
08:44and the wife decides that her little tin god
08:47is actually pretty sloppy about picking up his clothes.
08:51Well, Alvin and Elizabeth reach this stage,
08:53oh, I'd say about three months after they were married.
08:59Elizabeth!
09:00Elizabeth!
09:01Honey, I can't find a shirt.
09:04Here's one, darling.
09:05I just ironed it for you.
09:06Thanks.
09:07Gee, I didn't know you could iron a shirt like that.
09:09And I handed it to your mother.
09:11She really raised you right.
09:15What's the matter?
09:16Cuffs are wet.
09:18Oh, that's...
09:19I had to sprinkle it on.
09:20They'll dry out in a minute.
09:21Okay.
09:24Collar's wet, too.
09:38Hello, Mama?
09:39Mama, I sprinkled Alvin's shirt the way you told me to,
09:42but he says the cuffs are still wet.
09:46Oh, I'm supposed to sprinkle it before I iron it.
09:51Tell her I love your collar, too.
09:53He says to tell you that his collar's still damp, too.
09:58Mama.
09:59What'd she say?
10:00She says that's because you're still wet behind the ears.
10:03Tell her I love her, too.
10:08All right, Mama, I'll call you back.
10:10I have to get Alvin's breakfast.
10:12Bye-bye.
10:15Wet behind the ears.
10:16Honey, I just thought of a funny joke.
10:20When you go down to work with that wet collar on today,
10:22you lose your temper at somebody.
10:25Lose my temper?
10:27You're supposed to ask me why.
10:29Why?
10:30You know, when you get hot under the collar,
10:32it'll dry out.
10:36I made that up.
10:37It's a joke.
10:39Sweetie, you're not laughing.
10:41How are we gonna dry the cuffs?
10:45Well, you could stick your arms out the window
10:47when you drive to work.
10:50Oh, honey, I've got to go get something on my feet.
10:52Where are my socks?
10:54They're hanging over the heater in the hall.
10:56They ought to be nice and warm.
10:59Did you find them?
11:00Yep, I'll be right there.
11:09Did you find them, honey?
11:10Oh, good.
11:11I found them.
11:13What's the matter?
11:15The sun must be bad.
11:20They were hanging over the heater in the hall.
11:22The heater wasn't on.
11:24I feel like I'm standing in a waiting pool.
11:27I could think of a funny joke about a hot foot,
11:29but I don't think she'd want to hear it.
11:31No, as a matter of fact, I thought of a funny story.
11:34Why is Alvin like an island?
11:36You're supposed to ask me why.
11:38Why?
11:39Because he's entirely surrounded by water.
11:44You know something, Elizabeth?
11:45I think I'm developing webbed feet.
11:48Feet are spreading out like...
11:50Oh, honey.
11:51Oh, honey, no, I'm...
11:52Oh, honey, I wouldn't do anything to make you...
11:54What did I say, honey?
11:55Did I say something?
11:56Was it the waiting pool?
11:58Was it the one I said about the...
11:59about the standing in the pond?
12:00Was it?
12:01Oh, honey, what did I say?
12:02Please, no matter what I said,
12:03I take it back.
12:04Now, tell Alvin what he said.
12:05Please, sweetie.
12:07What did I say?
12:10You...
12:11You called me Elizabeth.
12:14Why did you call me that?
12:16Well, of course, it's my name,
12:18but you haven't called me that since
12:21our third date together.
12:24Oh, darling, what's wrong?
12:26Nothing's happening to us.
12:28You're just married to an old fool, that's all.
12:30Imagine me calling you Elizabeth.
12:32I ought to be horse whipped.
12:33Don't talk.
12:34I should.
12:35Yes, I should.
12:36It's my own fault for being so touchy, that's all.
12:38I shouldn't be such a baby.
12:41Now, you eat your breakfast, darling.
12:42I'll go get the coffee.
12:43Okay.
12:44Not before you kiss me.
12:45Oh.
12:48Hurry up.
12:49You're going to be late for the office.
12:50You start eating.
12:51I'll get the coffee.
12:52Oh, yeah.
12:53Lamsey face,
12:54who spilled the mustard on the waffle?
12:58That's lemon pie.
13:00Oh, darling,
13:01give it a look at that van.
13:02Oh, no, of course not.
13:03I just wasn't expecting
13:04lemon pie for breakfast.
13:07I guess it is kind of unusual.
13:09Would you rather Boston cream?
13:12This is just a suggestion, Lamsey,
13:14but I love ham and eggs.
13:17Good.
13:18That's what we're having for dinner.
13:21Honey, I don't have time to eat.
13:22Look, a fast cup of coffee,
13:23then I've got to get to the office.
13:25One cup of black coffee coming up.
13:31Isn't that a little weak?
13:34I must have forgotten to light the gas.
13:37It's all right, honey.
13:38I don't even have time for the coffee.
13:39I've got to get my tie on.
13:40By the way, where are my ties?
13:41I couldn't find them.
13:43What's the matter?
13:45I...
13:46I sent them to the cleaners.
13:47All of them?
13:49Don't worry about it.
13:50I'll run next door to the Jacksons
13:51and borrow a tie.
13:52You get your shoes on or something.
13:54I'll be one minute.
13:55Would you hurry, honey?
13:59My gosh, I'm late again.
14:11You got my tie?
14:12Here's the tie.
14:13Never mind the tie.
14:14What do you mean, never mind the tie?
14:15I'm going to be late to the office.
14:17Never mind the office.
14:19The Jacksons just left for church today, Sunday.
14:32Incident number three in the life of Elizabeth
14:34occurred on a very mixed-up Saturday afternoon.
14:37Now, Elizabeth and Alvin could have made it all right,
14:40but their neighbor, Mrs. Chloe Skinridge, came to call.
14:44And as you shall see, that didn't help matters a bit.
15:08Oh!
15:18Well, hello, Mrs. Skinridge.
15:20Are you Alvin?
15:21Mm-hmm.
15:23Oh!
15:24Oh, I guess I do look strange.
15:25I just came back from the dentist.
15:26Well, you sound like you're eating a peanut butter sandwich.
15:30No, the Novocaine hasn't worn off yet.
15:31I can't even feel my face at all.
15:32Look at this.
15:33Oh, poor boy.
15:35I know exactly how you feel.
15:37I just came from the eye doctors myself.
15:39Really?
15:40Yeah, I put drops in my eyes to dilate the pupils.
15:42Doesn't that blur things a little bit?
15:43Blur things?
15:44Oh, no, not a bit.
15:45Not a bit.
15:46Mm-hmm.
15:47Why, Elizabeth, I didn't see you standing there.
15:49Where is she?
15:50I didn't know she was home.
15:51Yes, right there in the brown dress.
15:53Hello, dear.
15:57Now, you've got to do something about that girl.
15:59She's gaining weight.
16:01Mrs. Skinridge, those are the drapes.
16:04Elizabeth hasn't returned yet from having her airplane ride.
16:06Oh, did she go up on an airplane?
16:08She won one of those contests, you know, and got a ride around the city.
16:11Didn't I have my pocketbook with me?
16:12I thought I had it.
16:13Yes, let's sit down on the couch, Mrs. Skinridge.
16:15Elizabeth will be right back.
16:16Oh, thanks.
16:17Just have a seat.
16:21Oh, I see you've reupholstered the couch.
16:25Yeah, the, uh...
16:28These chairs are nice, too.
16:32Hello, darling.
16:33Hi, sweetie, how are you?
16:34Oh...
16:37Hi, Mrs. Skinridge, how are you?
16:39Well, don't I get my kiss?
16:41Sweetheart, I just kissed you.
16:43Alvin, what happened to your face?
16:46Oh, no wonder I didn't feel your kiss.
16:49I'm dead from the neck up.
16:51I know that, honey, but what happened to your face?
16:54Oh, I'm sorry, I'm only teasing.
16:56How are you, Mrs. Skinridge?
16:57Oh, just fine, just fine.
16:59And how did you enjoy the plane ride?
17:01Oh, uh...
17:02Fine.
17:03You're such a tiny slip of a thing, too.
17:05Yeah, wasting a lot of time.
17:06Come on, sit down.
17:07Tell us all about it.
17:08Sit on the couch there, Mrs. Skinridge.
17:10I'll be right with you.
17:13What's the matter with her?
17:14Did she flip her lid or something?
17:15No, no, she's had her eyes dilated,
17:17and she doesn't want to admit
17:18that it blurs things a little bit.
17:20Say, how was the flying trip?
17:22Oh, honey, let me tell you about this trip.
17:25It was the most exciting thing...
17:27Uh, I tell you what, Mrs. Skinridge,
17:29instead of sitting on the couch here,
17:31why don't you sit over here on this chair?
17:33Oh, thanks, thanks.
17:35Now, come on, sit down here.
17:37We want to hear all about that plane trip.
17:39Oh, I don't mind telling you
17:41this was the most exciting thing I have ever seen.
17:44We went up to 13,000 feet.
17:46My leg.
17:47Hey, that's pretty high.
17:48Didn't it affect your ears?
17:50Not a bit.
17:51That's funny.
17:52My ears ring when I go upstairs.
17:55I guess I'm just lucky.
17:57Anyhow, we went up to 13,000 feet,
18:00and... answer the phone, Alvin.
18:02Answer the phone?
18:04Shouldn't it ring first, my dear?
18:08Never mind, it stopped.
18:09Anyhow, we went up to 13,000 feet, and...
18:13The pilot let me take the controls for a minute.
18:15No, no.
18:16Well, I...
18:18Alvin, will you answer the phone?
18:20Elizabeth, it isn't ringing.
18:22It is, too.
18:25I'll prove it to you.
18:31Hello?
18:32Hello?
18:34Well...
18:36Well, how are you going to hear anything out of your forehead?
18:39Well, I can't find my ear.
18:41It's down here.
18:42Anyway, the phone wasn't ringing.
18:45There it goes again.
18:46Oh, I know what's the matter.
18:48You're answering the wrong phone.
18:50I'll take care of it.
18:53Hello?
18:55Hello?
18:57Hello?
18:59I just can't stand people that hang up the minute you say hello.
19:05Elizabeth, why don't you admit that your ears are buzzing and ringing from that plane ride?
19:09Because they're not.
19:10They are.
19:12Would you like some coffee, Mrs. Skinridge?
19:14Oh, that sounds delightful.
19:16I'll get it, honey.
19:17I put some on before you came home.
19:19It should be ready by now.
19:20It is.
19:21I can hear it chiming.
19:23Stubborn as a mule.
19:26Elizabeth, as soon as Alvin goes, I've got to show you a song I wrote.
19:32He's gone.
19:34I'll get the song.
19:35It's in my closet over here.
19:47Here's your purse, Mrs. Skinridge.
19:49Oh, thanks, dear.
19:51Thanks.
19:52There it is.
19:53Alvin, will you turn off the buzzer on the stall?
19:55Here's the song.
20:00This is your milk bill.
20:02On the other side.
20:05I don't read music, Mrs. Skinridge.
20:07Now, of course you do.
20:09I've heard you sing in the glee club many times.
20:12All I know is the Aldo part to Old Dog Trey.
20:15Old, old, my...
20:19Listen, fire engines.
20:26Elizabeth, that's a beautiful gesture you're wearing.
20:29I was telling Alvin I love that shade of brown.
20:33I guess the fire engines were on the next block.
20:35My dear, do you mind if I say something personal?
20:40Of course not.
20:41You've got to do something about your weight.
20:43You're getting positively hippy.
20:45Here we are.
20:46Here's the coffee, girls.
20:47Come on, sit down.
20:48Oh, sweetheart.
20:49Here.
20:52Here we are.
20:53Here we are.
20:57Now then.
21:02Here you are, Mrs. Skinridge.
21:05Thanks, dear.
21:06There you go.
21:07Oh, that's hot.
21:08Looks good, huh?
21:09And here you are, sweetheart.
21:12I seem to get a wife.
21:15You can smoke later, darling.
21:17I didn't know that Alvin smoked a pipe.
21:19Oh, I just love these big cups.
21:24Try this one.
21:26Oh, thanks.
21:32Coffee, sir?
21:33Hello.
21:37Come on up.
21:42Up. Here you go.
21:43Up there.
21:44There.
21:45Thank you, dear.
21:46Try yours, Elizabeth.
21:47It's burnt enough for you.
21:49Sounds delicious.
21:50Care for cream, Elizabeth?
21:52No, thanks.
21:54Will you answer the door, sweetheart?
21:56There's nobody at the door, Elizabeth.
21:58There he is.
22:04Oh, thanks.
22:09What are you trying to do?
22:12It's no worse than you saying you can hear the coffee.
22:15Well, I can.
22:17It makes kind of a little buzzing noise.
22:19Maybe it's the caffeine coughing.
22:23Elizabeth, your ears are still ringing from that airplane.
22:27They are not.
22:29Ridiculous.
22:30What was that?
22:31What?
22:32What?
22:33Listen. All that nothing.
22:35I don't hear anything.
22:37That's just it. Listen to all that silence.
22:40Elizabeth, how can you hear silence?
22:43Oh, for sake.
22:44You know what it is, don't you?
22:45No.
22:46Your ears have finally opened up.
22:47That's all.
22:48You're so stubborn and so hard-headed.
22:51Alvin, the note-bikini has worn off.
22:53You didn't put the cigarette in your eye that time.
22:56Oh.
22:57Hey, that's right.
22:58And you don't hear any bells anymore.
23:00No.
23:01Well, how do you like that?
23:02Oh, isn't that wonderful?
23:06Answer the phone.
23:07That's really something.
23:08Oh, no, you don't.
23:10Honey, answer the phone, will you, please?
23:12I'm not going to fall for any of your tricks.
23:14He's probably just whistling like a madman.
23:16Oh.
23:17I'll get it. Don't worry.
23:19Hello?
23:20Hello?
23:21Would you answer the phone?
23:22Hello?
23:24Hello, Mr. Skinridge.
23:25This is Mrs. Skinridge.
23:26Uh-huh.
23:27Will you hang up, Mrs. Skinridge?
23:28She's here.
23:30Have you a party line, Alvin?
23:31Uh-huh.
23:32Will you hang yours up, Mrs. Skinridge?
23:34Oh, for goodness sake.
23:35Yes, I sure will.
23:36I'll be glad to tell her.
23:38Bye.
23:39I didn't know you had two phones.
23:41Well, we hardly ever use that one anymore.
23:43Oh.
23:44Oops.
23:45That was Mr. Skinridge.
23:46No.
23:47He said the doctor told him that the eye drops won't bother you so much if you take your glasses off.
23:51What?
23:52Huh?
23:53My...
23:55Is that what I was using for a phone?
23:57Oh, yeah.
24:00Elizabeth, how did you lose all that weight so fast?
24:03I went on a quick diet.
24:06Oh, the Novocaine is wearing off.
24:08My teeth are hurting now.
24:09Oh, no.
24:10Oh.
24:11Hey.
24:12Hey.
24:13Hey.
24:14Hey.
24:16Say goodbye to the people.
24:17Goodbye, everybody.
24:18Can you imagine when she went over to the drain?
24:20Oh, where'd she go?
24:28Now here to say goodbye to you is the lovely star of our show, Betty White.
24:34And thank you, everybody.
24:38Come on back and see us again, will you?
24:40And until next time, once more, goodbye, everybody.
25:10© BF-WATCH TV 2021
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