- 4/30/2015
“The Mamaluke” is a single camera situation comedy about a
bumbling but likable guy named Lou, who tries to make his friends
and neighbors believe he’s a mafioso. But, in reality, he’s merely a
schlep down at the local social club frequented by the real
wiseguys. And, with his sharp-witted, sardonic wife, Marie, two
grown kids and a wacky live-in mother-in-law who constantly
remind him that he’s not ‘Don Corleone’, it’s the perfect recipe for
an original, fresh and enjoyable TV series concept!
In the pilot episode, “Sleeping with the Fishes”, Lou is asked by
mobster Joey ‘Spuds’ to drive him to his girlfriend’s house using
Joey’s shiny Cadillac. After dropping Joey off, Lou picks up some
baccala for the night’s dinner at the fish store. Then, the fish is
inadvertently placed into the trunk on top of Joey’s bullet proof vest and a careless pizza delivery boy accidentally bumps the car in the parking lot, causing Lou to ‘rub it out’. When Joey fails to show up for a meeting with the Boss, Lou is suspected of whacking him as a hilarious play on words ensues and Lou is almost fitted for cement shoes!
Directed By: Mark Riccardi
Writer: Ben Fiore
Stars: Johnny Williams, Veronica Alicino, Nicole Cinaglia
bumbling but likable guy named Lou, who tries to make his friends
and neighbors believe he’s a mafioso. But, in reality, he’s merely a
schlep down at the local social club frequented by the real
wiseguys. And, with his sharp-witted, sardonic wife, Marie, two
grown kids and a wacky live-in mother-in-law who constantly
remind him that he’s not ‘Don Corleone’, it’s the perfect recipe for
an original, fresh and enjoyable TV series concept!
In the pilot episode, “Sleeping with the Fishes”, Lou is asked by
mobster Joey ‘Spuds’ to drive him to his girlfriend’s house using
Joey’s shiny Cadillac. After dropping Joey off, Lou picks up some
baccala for the night’s dinner at the fish store. Then, the fish is
inadvertently placed into the trunk on top of Joey’s bullet proof vest and a careless pizza delivery boy accidentally bumps the car in the parking lot, causing Lou to ‘rub it out’. When Joey fails to show up for a meeting with the Boss, Lou is suspected of whacking him as a hilarious play on words ensues and Lou is almost fitted for cement shoes!
Directed By: Mark Riccardi
Writer: Ben Fiore
Stars: Johnny Williams, Veronica Alicino, Nicole Cinaglia
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00♪♪
00:10♪♪
00:20♪♪
00:30♪♪
00:40♪♪
00:50♪♪
01:00Whoa, did you remember the bread?
01:03♪♪
01:13♪♪
01:23♪♪
01:33♪♪
01:38♪♪
01:48Where's the sausage?
01:49It's Friday, Lou, no meat.
01:51Mama's orders.
01:52But sausage helps with my digestion.
01:55You digest enough for one lifetime.
01:58Please, next thing you know, you're going to be giving me a list
02:00of all the guys Marie could have married.
02:02Well, now that you mention it,
02:03there's Sammy DeVito and Charlie DeLuca.
02:05So, dad, dad, and I'm here.
02:09Besides, I know how to treat my family.
02:12Yeah, you treat us great, Pops.
02:13Shut up and eat before I give you a slap.
02:15Yeah, you're the best, Daddy.
02:17Oh, Gina, Gina, put on some clothes, geez.
02:20I picked it out.
02:21Look, Lou, Mom's just saying there's more to life than appearances.
02:25Well, them guys she mentioned haven't made any appearances lately.
02:29Besides, I get respect in the neighborhood.
02:32Yeah, we're not in Brooklyn anymore.
02:35This is L.A.
02:36Sure, they think you're a mobster,
02:38but would they shut up if they knew you worked in a funeral home?
02:41Oh, you.
02:44I don't hear you complaining about the extra veal the butcher gives you.
02:47Yeah, yeah, the perks.
02:49Remember, you are not the Don.
02:52You're not even Fredo.
02:54Oh, that's my driver.
02:57I got to get going.
02:58It's not your driver, Lou.
02:59It's your nephew, Eddie.
03:01One day I'm going to insist on that DNA test.
03:03Come on, the kid is a sweet kid.
03:06Just a little slow.
03:07A glacier's a little slow, Pops.
03:09Oh, you.
03:10Just remember the baklava tonight.
03:12Do we really have to do this no-meat thing again on Friday?
03:16How's about a read after midnight?
03:18Just get the fish.
03:19Make sure it's fresh.
03:21And tell Sally the veal he gave me last time, it was tough.
03:25I'm going to a place where silence is golden.
03:34Oh, it's about time.
03:37They don't bury themselves, you know.
03:39Sorry, Lou, the rickshaw had a flat.
03:41Very funny.
03:42You should be concentrating more on the stiff
03:44than on your stand-up comedy career.
03:46You hear how he checked out?
03:47Hey, I bury them.
03:49I don't interrogate them.
03:50Whoa, whoa, be careful how you rub that thing.
03:52What are you talking about?
03:53You know, instead of one of those little blue pills,
03:55he took like 10.
03:56Died right there in the sack.
03:57What a way to go.
03:59That's what happens when you're buying a black market in Asia.
04:01Asia?
04:02Really?
04:03Well, you know, the good Asia, not China.
04:05Well, word is it never went down.
04:07You want to see it?
04:08What?
04:09Eh, one look.
04:10We got a few more minutes.
04:12What the hell is that?
04:14He's still smiling.
04:16She should be smiling.
04:17The man's a tripod.
04:19I'll never be adequate in bed again.
04:22Well, listen, let's get this thing closed.
04:24All right.
04:27A little problem?
04:28It's not going down.
04:29You got to get in there and bend it.
04:30Hey, what am I, Uri Geller?
04:31Who's Uri Geller?
04:32It's like wrestling with an anaconda.
04:35Geez, I hear people.
04:36Oh, hi, Mrs. Johnson.
04:38I'm so sorry for your loss.
04:39Right this way.
04:41Here you are.
04:57Hey, how you doing?
04:58How are you?
04:59Hey, how you doing?
05:00How are you?
05:01Everything all right?
05:02Good, good.
05:03Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
05:04What?
05:05I need a favor.
05:06What's your name again?
05:07Lou.
05:08I need a ride to my gumada's place.
05:09Take my car.
05:10All right.
05:11That's your car?
05:12Yeah, what do you think?
05:13This broad, she's one hot number.
05:15I throw a few bucks, she treats me like a gymnastics apparatus.
05:18Really?
05:19Yeah.
05:20Check this out.
05:21No good?
05:22No good?
05:23Ah, I need these puppies just to keep up.
05:25Three or four of these babies, I'm like a comic book hero.
05:28Three or four?
05:29Are you crazy?
05:30You'll kill yourself.
05:31Are you some kind of a prude?
05:32No.
05:33No, I bet you're one of those guys who only likes to take
05:34two aspirin at a time.
05:35You got to live a little.
05:36That's what I'm talking about, living.
05:38All right, let's go.
05:39And by the way, Lonnie.
05:41Lou.
05:42Whatever.
05:43Yeah.
05:45This stays between us, all right?
05:47Okay.
05:48The boss, he don't like this sort of thing.
05:50Ah, the pills, see?
05:52The gumada.
05:53All right.
05:54I already told her once, she mentions one word,
05:56it's back to Thailand in a duffel bag.
05:58Same goes for you, Louie.
06:00Yeah, all right.
06:01Let's go.
06:13Ahem.
06:14Ahem.
06:15Ah, Mr. Lou.
06:16Well, what can I do for you today, huh?
06:18First off, that veal you gave my wife last week
06:20was tougher than Latin at St. Mary's Academy.
06:23I'm sorry, Mr. Lou.
06:24It won't happen again.
06:25Yeah, well, you still owe my colon an apology.
06:27I'll tell you what.
06:28Give me a pound and a half of that fresh bacala,
06:31and we'll call it even.
06:32How's that?
06:33I'll get it out of the way.
06:34All right.
06:41How's that?
06:42I'll get it out of the back.
06:43I just got a fresh shipment in today.
06:44Literally, right off the truck.
06:45Yeah, good.
06:46Hey, uh, give me one of those beef jerky's.
06:48Sure, Mr. Lou.
06:49Yeah, yeah.
06:50Here you go.
06:51That a boy.
06:52All right.
06:53Heck, for Friday, I'm going to hell.
06:55I'm going with clogged arteries.
06:57What's this, Mr. Lou?
06:58Put the bacala in the car.
07:00I got to go buy lottery tickets for Marie.
07:02Mr. Lou, I got to get to lunch.
07:03I close the place every day for two hours.
07:05Yeah, yeah, whatever.
07:06Just do it.
07:07I'll have you deal with my mother-in-law.
07:10How's that?
07:11Mother-in-law?
07:12Yeah.
07:13She's like a wolf sensing her carcass.
07:14I'll take care of it, Mr. Lou.
07:15I'll take care of it.
07:16Good.
07:17Jeez, two hour lunch.
07:20They must have some union.
07:40Jeez.
07:41Oh.
07:42I'm sorry, sir.
07:51I didn't see your car.
08:04You didn't see it?
08:05You didn't see it?
08:06It's a cabby for flying out loud.
08:09Rick, you're lucky.
08:14A simple robot.
08:16It's still going to cost you.
08:17Cost?
08:19I don't have any money.
08:21But I got some pizzas.
08:23Pizzas?
08:24What do you got?
08:25I got a sausage and a vegetarian.
08:27Good.
08:28I'll take both.
08:29Now, get lost!
08:37Looks like it's going to be a good Friday.
08:40Ah.
08:47Looks like it's going to be a good Friday.
08:49Ah.
09:13It's about time you got here.
09:14Sorry, boss.
09:16I had to take care of somebody.
09:17And a quick rub out.
09:19Oh, get me an espresso.
09:20Sure.
09:21Wait a minute.
09:21I want you to meet somebody.
09:22This is Frankie Three Fingers from Chicago.
09:25It's the Mama Luca I was telling you about.
09:27You could just call me Lou.
09:31What are you staring at, shoe man?
09:34Nothing.
09:35I just couldn't help but notice.
09:38You've got all 10 fingers.
09:39So what?
09:41So how'd you get the name?
09:44I stuck three fingers in a guy's throat one time
09:46and pulled out his larynx.
09:48You stuck his whole hand in it.
09:49They call him Frankie Fist.
09:50Yeah.
09:51You're one, boss.
09:53Hey, Frankie.
09:54What'd the guy do?
09:56Were you money or something?
09:57No, the guy parked in my good parking spot, you know?
10:00Like the one painted blue out back.
10:02Really?
10:04Huh.
10:05Listen, guys, I got to go take a leak.
10:09Boss, you mind if I get out of here early?
10:11I don't want my pizzas to get cold.
10:12Sure.
10:13It's OK.
10:14Remember to take my shoes.
10:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:16I got them.
10:17I got them up real good for you.
10:18See to it no smudges like the last time.
10:20All right, all right, all right.
10:23Enough.
10:25Let's play cards.
10:26Where's Joey Spuds?
10:27He should be here.
10:28His cards are back.
10:30Well, then he should be here.
10:31His cards are back.
10:32Do you see him?
10:33I don't see him.
10:34I don't see him, boss.
10:36Why don't we play go fish without him?
10:37We're not playing go fish.
10:38We're playing canasta.
10:40I got to get to the bottom of this.
10:48Hey, is that smell coming from one of you guys?
10:50I shower twice a day, once in the morning
10:52and immediately after a hit.
10:55Hey, me.
10:57Found the keys, though.
10:59Hey, it's coming from back here.
11:02Vinnie, pop the trunk.
11:03Oh no.
11:05This ain't good, boss.
11:08What do you mean?
11:10You know, like in the movie, Joey sleeps with the fishes.
11:15And Joey Ross, the ultimate game of go fish.
11:19No.
11:20No.
11:21No.
11:22Joey's gone.
11:24Joey's gone.
11:25Joey's gone.
11:27Joey's gone.
11:28Joey's gone.
11:29Joey's gone.
11:29Joey's gone.
11:30Joey's gone.
11:31Joey's gone.
11:32We got to find out what happened.
11:34Where's the Mama Luke?
11:36She said he had to go.
11:39Remember earlier?
11:41He said he had to take care of a guy,
11:44and then he mentioned a rub-out?
11:47You think he took out Joey Spuds?
11:52Poor Joey.
11:55He was a good family man.
12:02Bring me the Mama Luke!
12:08I'm home.
12:10Hey, what is this?
12:12I tell you to bring home bacala, you bring me pizzas?
12:15Marie, cut me some slack.
12:17Sal forgot to put the fish in the car.
12:19I had to scramble just to get these.
12:21You're going straight to hell.
12:23If there was an express train, I'd buy a ticket right now.
12:26Besides, these are vegetables. There's no meat.
12:30All right, now.
12:32Whose turn is it?
12:33Mine.
12:34No, you did it last week. It's my turn.
12:36Now see, this is a fine family,
12:38arguing about who's going to save Grace.
12:40What Grace?
12:41They're arguing who's going to stop falling.
12:43You'll do it.
12:44What? What are you doing?
12:45Got to get the grease out, Grandma.
12:47Cholesterol is the number two cause of heart attack.
12:49But that's the best part.
12:51Distance second by an in-laws.
12:52What kind of father are you?
12:54Luke, don't upset Mom.
12:56And today, somebody moved my religious statues.
13:01I'll bet it was you.
13:03Lou, you moved Mama's statues?
13:05Statues, keychains, plates, candles.
13:08They're all over the house, Marie.
13:10Can't go to the bedroom. Not somebody watching me.
13:12That's why I left the military.
13:14They'll save your soul someday.
13:16I don't want to have to do three Hail Marys just to take a week.
13:19We're eating here, Lou?
13:20Just barely.
13:22I'll get it.
13:24Hopefully, it'll be the Grim Reaper.
13:30Ah, just as good.
13:32What are you here for, your shoes, Frankie?
13:34No, no shoes, Shoe Man.
13:36Here, the boss wants to see you.
13:38Now.
13:39Where's Vinnie?
13:41He's in the car.
13:42Oh.
13:43Boss wants to see me?
13:45Now.
13:46Hey, Marie!
13:47I got to go.
13:48There's an emergency at the club.
13:50A shoe emergency or a parking emergency?
13:53I don't know. I'm not sure.
13:55But the boss wants to see me right now.
13:58Marie, this finally may be my time.
14:02Yeah, yeah.
14:03Let's get out of here before they put me in an early grave.
14:05Marie, I'm going.
14:07He chooses cement shoes over nagging.
14:09Must be some nutty house.
14:11Come on.
14:17I like it.
14:18I like it, Frankie.
14:20Take it easy.
14:21Take it easy, guys.
14:24Leaving early was a one-time thing.
14:30What'd you do with Joey's spuds?
14:32I'm not supposed to say.
14:34I kind of took a vow of silence on that.
14:37Okay, okay.
14:39I took care of them like I was supposed to.
14:41We know already.
14:42We saw the car.
14:43Oh, the car.
14:45Eh, a simple rub out.
14:47I mean, nothing to get excited about.
14:49We've all done it.
14:50You're the cavalier by the hit, aren't you, shoeman?
14:52A hit?
14:54I don't think they're qualified.
14:56A hit?
14:57A hit is like, bang!
14:59This was more like a little bump.
15:02Who gave the order?
15:03It was me.
15:04It was my decision.
15:05I told the kid if he wanted to make things right,
15:08that's how I ended up with the pizzas.
15:10So you decide to make eight on Joey's spuds
15:12and a couple of pizzas make it okay.
15:15Vinnie, get this amendment.
15:16Oh, wait a minute.
15:17I'm a little confused here.
15:18What are we talking about?
15:19We're talking about this.
15:22We found it in Joey's truck.
15:24Hey, that's my fish.
15:27Wow, you saved my ass.
15:29I gotta get this home to Marie.
15:31You think you can send us a message and walk out of here?
15:33And take the fish?
15:35Well, look, I have no idea where you're going with this,
15:39but if I don't get this fish home to Marie,
15:42she's gonna kill me.
15:44Best I can tell, she's fourth in line.
15:47Look, you got one more chance
15:53to tell us what happened to Joey's spuds.
15:57Spill it, or I swear these two guys are gonna cut you up
16:01and mail your body parts back home.
16:05Not that I want it to happen,
16:10but if it does, could you address the package
16:13to my mother-in-law?
16:15What are you guys?
16:16Nobody's married here.
16:18Okay, okay, I took Joey,
16:21I took Joey to church for confession.
16:25Confession?
16:26At least he's not hanging out with the Guamara anymore.
16:29Anyway, I thought Sally forgot to put the fish in the car,
16:33but he must have stuck it in the trunk,
16:35and the pizza kid bumped the car,
16:37and I had to rub it out.
16:39So you didn't kill Joey's spuds?
16:42No.
16:44He's probably a stand-up guy.
16:49Oh, hey.
16:50Oh, is that Joey?
16:52Hey.
16:53Joey!
16:54Oh, no, no, no, Lou, Lou, listen, listen.
16:56Those aspirin, you was right.
16:57They almost killed me.
16:58Hey, Joey, Joey, listen to me.
16:59I was telling the boss that I took you
17:02to the church for confession.
17:06Joey, you had us worried.
17:08We're gonna take Mama Luque for a little ride.
17:13Fellas, would you excuse us for a minute?
17:16Yo, what's up, boss?
17:18You need to change churches.
17:20Your parish priest is wearing the cheapest perfume.
17:39Me next. I gotta brush my teeth.
17:41No, please.
17:42I gotta go something fierce.
17:43But that stale fish that you brought home,
17:45it's driving me nuts.
17:46It tastes like it was in some guy's trunk all day.
17:48Matter of fact, it was.
17:52I was selling a bar in the trunk!
17:55I heard that!
17:57Oh, bad teeth and supersonic hearing.
18:03Listen, this is my sanctuary.
18:05Please, just let me go in peace.
18:10Agreed.
18:12But you better not mess with my statues!
18:20I gotta have this guy looking at me.
18:40Good night, pal.
18:42I sure hope you don't scare those angels with that thing.
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