Nobody Knows Anything (2003) - Feature - video Dailymotion

Film Gorillas

88 min  -  Comedy  -  October 2003 (USA)    In this comedy about Hollywood, Sarah thinks making a movie is easy. With the guidance of her screenwriter uncle, she goes on a wild journey into the world of Hollywood where she meets crazy studio execs, insane producers and a gangster who agrees to finance her film - for a price...    Director: William Tannen  Writer: David Pasquesi  Stars: Linda Black, Alan Blumenfeld, Carmine Caridi

Transcript

00:00:00You

00:00:30How to explain the things that nobody knows

00:00:35People these days they play and act like you know

00:00:39But nobody, not even you, knows

00:00:41Nobody knows, nobody knows

00:00:44Who you to tell me what's new and what's not

00:00:46What's happening now, what you got

00:00:48This here real life, I'm a dude rock

00:00:50Been around the block and got the block on lock

00:00:52Stop, don't wanna hear another word

00:00:54Show me the money or you gets the burn

00:00:56You think it is when I promise you the world

00:00:58I'll make you a star more like Mekhmer Earl

00:01:00Holler back when the contract's right

00:01:02Better best believe I'm looking out for mines

00:01:05I'm feeding on steak and wine

00:01:07Struggles of an artist pays off in time

00:01:09Cause nobody knows what the future holds

00:01:11Nobody knows anything till it goes

00:01:13And takes off to the next level of the game

00:01:16Until then you don't know a damn thing

00:01:18Sometimes in life there's questions nobody knows

00:01:23I need to grab him in the first minute

00:01:29Behind these walls lay the broken dreams

00:01:31Of men who are now confined

00:01:33Nah, too depressing

00:01:35Fade in, on a tree-lined street

00:01:38Two good-looking, attractive guys are

00:01:41Good-looking? Attractive?

00:01:43Well, that's the same thing

00:01:45Why not tall, unshort guys?

00:01:49Nah

00:01:53Give him something they've never seen before

00:01:56Edgy

00:01:57Ow

00:01:58Different

00:02:00Ow

00:02:03It's the action-packed, true story of how

00:02:07The search for the American dream

00:02:09Goes dangerously awry

00:02:12I have one dream on rye with a pickle to go

00:02:15Hmm, not bad

00:02:17Gotta grab him in the first minute

00:02:20Hmm, maybe a little sex

00:02:23Nah, too obvious

00:02:30Cosmo says red is the power color for women

00:02:33But it makes me look like a fire truck

00:02:36Hollywood

00:02:38That's me, Sarah Wilder

00:02:40I just graduated from film school

00:02:42And now I'm in the real world

00:02:44Well, L.A., which may be real or unreal

00:02:47Depending on who you are

00:02:49Fortunately, I know a real person

00:02:51My Uncle Lou

00:02:52Who was once a big-time Hollywood writer

00:02:55Yeah, it's open

00:02:57Yeah, so how did they do yesterday?

00:03:00Oh, good, good

00:03:02Oh, Phil, I'll talk to you later, bye

00:03:06So?

00:03:10Sarah Wilder, your niece

00:03:12I know that, sit down

00:03:14Look at me

00:03:16Oh, how nice

00:03:19So, uh, what made you want to get into the movie business?

00:03:22Why'd you pick a profession with dignity, like baking?

00:03:25Okay, Uncle Lou, you're just like Mom

00:03:27You think the movie business is populated with terrible people

00:03:29No, no, no, no, no, no

00:03:30Believe me, believe me, I'm not like your mother

00:03:32But, uh, in this instance, she's right

00:03:34The world is full of terrible people

00:03:35Why not the movie business?

00:03:37So, uh...

00:03:39You know what?

00:03:42So, uh...

00:03:44Speaking of which, how is your mother?

00:03:47And that Lummix she married?

00:03:49She and Dad are great, they're doing the Florida thing

00:03:51You know, get a condo on the beach and play golf and tennis

00:03:54So what's this movie about that you want to make?

00:03:56Jimmy, Cousin Jimmy

00:03:59On your father's side?

00:04:00The same

00:04:01But why? He's a bum

00:04:03I know him

00:04:04And like my film teacher always said, film what you know

00:04:08Uh-huh, so this story is all about Jimmy's problems, huh?

00:04:13What audience is going to sit down and watch a movie about a schmuck like that?

00:04:18I don't know

00:04:19He's a sweet guy, and I think I want to explore the why of it all

00:04:26The why of it all?

00:04:28Uh-huh

00:04:29You know, I don't understand the movies they're making today

00:04:32Did you, uh...

00:04:34Did you see something about Mary?

00:04:35Did you see something about Mary?

00:04:36Laughed my ass off

00:04:37Could I make a movie like that?

00:04:38Never!

00:04:39Never in a million years

00:04:41I want to tell you something

00:04:43I still know a lot of people in this town

00:04:47I called in a lot of favors

00:04:50I don't know why I'm doing this

00:04:53But I set up some pitch meetings for you

00:04:56All right?

00:04:57Now stay focused

00:04:58And remember, nobody knows anything

00:05:02Today I have my first pitch meeting at a big studio

00:05:07Hello?

00:05:08Oh, I can't talk right now

00:05:10No, I'm meeting Connor Fulton at 9.30

00:05:12I'll talk to you later

00:05:15Hello?

00:05:24Wait, wait, wait, all right

00:05:25Hold on, Connor is talking now, okay?

00:05:27All right, now listen, you are five million dollars over budget

00:05:30Hold on one second

00:05:31Miss Winston...

00:05:32Wilder

00:05:33That's right, hold on, okay?

00:05:34Listen, you're five million dollars over budget

00:05:36So either we're gonna stop paying you

00:05:37Or we stop beating the cast and the crew

00:05:39It's your decision

00:05:42So...

00:05:44You're new in town

00:05:45And you got a story to tell

00:05:49Well, nobody ever said that Connor Fulton didn't give new town a break

00:05:52Ain't that right?

00:05:56See?

00:05:57Everyone knows

00:05:59That's George, he's my assistant

00:06:00He's my eyes and my ears

00:06:02You can see the big picture

00:06:04Hi

00:06:07So shoot

00:06:08I got a ten o'clock's coming in early

00:06:09You got five minutes

00:06:10Any good story can be told in five minutes

00:06:12Ain't that right?

00:06:15See?

00:06:17Give me your best shot

00:06:19It's the action-packed true story

00:06:21Of how the search for the American dream

00:06:23Goes ominously awry

00:06:29Kind of like a modern James Dean

00:06:31But during his quest for the American dream

00:06:34Jimmy committed armed robbery

00:06:36A felony

00:06:37But he's my cousin

00:06:39I mean, I sat next to him at the kids' table

00:06:41At every holiday dinner

00:06:42But what made him do it?

00:06:46Here's the twist

00:06:48You see, I shot interviews

00:06:50With every family member and eyewitnesses

00:06:52To the actual crime

00:06:54For a historic docudrama

00:06:56Kind of like Red's

00:06:57But without the communist

00:06:58And we'll cut back to them every so often

00:07:00For background

00:07:01And to help uncover Jimmy's motivations

00:07:05The diet pills are working

00:07:06Oh, thank you

00:07:07Are those canned?

00:07:08Oh, of course they're canned

00:07:09Are you nervous, Beatrice?

00:07:10No, I'm very relaxed

00:07:11You're going to be wonderful, Uncle Sid

00:07:12You're going to be brilliant

00:07:14I like that apathetic thing you've got going on

00:07:16And it's all about glamour over here, isn't it?

00:07:17Oh, how do I look?

00:07:18Wonderful

00:07:19Good, I look right in there?

00:07:20Absolutely, you look really good

00:07:22Look, it's all about cleverness

00:07:24Roll sound

00:07:25Um, should I wait for, like, action?

00:07:27Uh, wait until I say dysfunction

00:07:30Dysfunction

00:07:31Okay, okay

00:07:32What do you want me to talk about?

00:07:34Tell me about my cousin Jimmy

00:07:36And Uncle Sid

00:07:37You look marvelous

00:07:39Oh

00:07:41Jimmy is our son

00:07:43We love him

00:07:45He's a very good boy

00:07:47A very good boy

00:07:48You know what rotten is?

00:07:50He's rotten

00:07:51Rotten

00:07:52Oh, but he's a very good boy, you know

00:07:55Thank God he's got my genes

00:07:58You know, he takes after my side of the family

00:08:01Your side of the family

00:08:03Your side of the family is crazy

00:08:05You know, all this bad stuff with Jimmy

00:08:08It's your fault

00:08:10My fault?

00:08:11Huh

00:08:12I ought to sue you

00:08:13I ought to sue you and your family, you know that?

00:08:15For what?

00:08:16Because when I married you, they passed you off as sane

00:08:19When I married you, they passed you off as sane

00:08:22You're fucking crazy

00:08:24Ow

00:08:25This is good

00:08:27This is good

00:08:30You used fucking properly

00:08:33I have a mother and a father, too

00:08:35Most people do

00:08:36That's very identifiable

00:08:41I'm a basket case until my second day

00:08:44You want to know what he does at the grocery store?

00:08:48Jesus Christ, she's going to bring up the candy bin thing again

00:08:51He steals little pieces of candy from the candy bin at the grocery store

00:08:56Jimmy loves to see him do it

00:08:58Like father, like son

00:09:00You know, Jimmy used to be a very sweet boy

00:09:04My husband here corrupted him

00:09:06Okay, so maybe Jimmy didn't grow up in the best environment

00:09:10But it's not like he was so different than any other kid

00:09:13I can't do homework because they told me to do homework

00:09:16I can't work under these conditions

00:09:19Right, but there was always a constant in Jimmy's life

00:09:22His love, no, no, his obsession for Miranda

00:09:25Even when they were kids

00:09:27Miranda, I love you

00:09:30Best thing that ever happened to Jimmy was Miranda

00:09:33But even when they were kids, it wasn't always roses

00:09:36I told you, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here

00:09:39I'm serious

00:09:40By the time they got married, she'd been kicking him out for years

00:09:43Just leave

00:09:45See, things haven't changed much

00:09:47But unfortunately, every time Jimmy and Miranda fought

00:09:50He'd always go to his best friend for solace, for understanding

00:09:54Unfortunately, his best friend is virus

00:09:57His partner in crime, so to speak

00:09:59A rocket scientist, virus isn't

00:10:01But Jimmy still considered him a friend

00:10:03Don't even ask me why

00:10:05Connor, darling, the love of my life, the vein of my existence

00:10:09Great baby

00:10:10George, see any good movies lately?

00:10:13So good to see you

00:10:15How are you doing? What brings you to the salt mines?

00:10:17It's about Bruce, Connor, dear, who else?

00:10:19Listen, I just saw those dailies

00:10:21Marvelous

00:10:23That fight inside, what is that? Is that a volcano?

00:10:25Of course

00:10:26It's incredible, it's incredible, it's incredible

00:10:28Did I say that was incredible?

00:10:30I said that, I said that

00:10:31I'm so happy you're happy

00:10:33Happy, happy, I am ecstatic here, all right?

00:10:36I am delirious, I'm about to lose control of my bladder

00:10:40I have something else you can piss on

00:10:45If you don't mind looking at the list of requests Bruce has

00:10:48What is it? Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah

00:10:50Hasana in his trailer

00:10:52Wet, not dry

00:10:53Not dry, not dry, George, remind me

00:10:56And what's his new stand-in at $4,000?

00:10:58Don't you think Bruce's brother would be perfect?

00:11:00Okay, what's his driver at $3,000?

00:11:02His nephew

00:11:03Personal trainer, $2,000

00:11:04His cousin, coincidentally

00:11:07You're killing me here, this is $14,000 a week

00:11:10Why don't we just rent his whole family here?

00:11:12You are, Conner, darling

00:11:14You're renting the whole goddamn family

00:11:16He's honest, he's honest

00:11:17It's an $80 million movie

00:11:19They'll need lots of asses in those seats to see profits

00:11:22Bruce can put them there

00:11:23Ciao, George

00:11:25Love what you're wearing

00:11:29Thank you, Craig, thank you

00:11:31Hey, listen, you take care, all right?

00:11:33Tell Bruce I'll see him at the fight

00:11:34I will

00:11:36Is this a fucking business or what?

00:11:41Would they run General Electric like this?

00:11:43No, no, you're damn right they wouldn't

00:11:45Get me Jack Brown

00:11:46I'm sorry about this

00:11:48They said he went to an early lunch

00:11:50Crazy

00:11:51It's 10.45 in the morning

00:11:54Get me the other producer on his film, Bruce's film

00:11:56Whatever his name is, I don't know, call him

00:12:00This is a crazy business

00:12:02It is crazy, I tell you that

00:12:04Stars that make $14 million a picture

00:12:07And then they nickel and dime you

00:12:08For every perk they can think of

00:12:11Producers go to a 10.45 lunch

00:12:13Shit

00:12:14I mean, most producers don't even come in till 11 o'clock, huh?

00:12:17Am I right?

00:12:18What?

00:12:19Fred Schwartz on two

00:12:24Conner Fulton here

00:12:26Hi, I want you to measure Bruce's trailer for a sauna

00:12:30And then I want you to tell him every day that it is being specially made

00:12:33I want you to tell him we're having trouble getting a green card for his French chef

00:12:37I want you to bullshit him about his stand-in

00:12:39I want you to bullshit him about his driver

00:12:41I want you to bullshit him about his trainer

00:12:42Tell him, tell him

00:12:44Teamsters, tell him, tell him we're having a problem with the teamsters

00:12:47They want their men in place

00:12:49And if he has a problem with that

00:12:50Then his family's gonna be sleeping with the fishes, okay?

00:12:52And then you tell him to go to hell

00:13:03Wait, wait, wait

00:13:07What Jimmy and Virus needed was a direction, a goal

00:13:11Get a job, get a job

00:13:12Why don't you get a job?

00:13:13I'd like to get a job

00:13:14Why don't you get a job?

00:13:15I can't

00:13:16See?

00:13:17Because she told me to

00:13:18And then if I get a job it's because she told me to

00:13:20And I can't work under those conditions

00:13:22Remember, when Jimmy was a kid

00:13:24He didn't like taking orders

00:13:25He's no different now

00:13:27Hey fellas, let's go, huh?

00:13:28We got a house to paint

00:13:30Rapido, rapido

00:13:32For the daylight

00:13:34You like some guy clapping at you?

00:13:36Come on, have some self-respect

00:13:37You gotta be your own boss

00:13:38I am my own boss and I've got self-respect

00:13:40No, what you got

00:13:42Is some guy telling you what to do

00:13:44Nobody tells me what to do

00:13:46Look, I gotta take off

00:13:47Think about what I said

00:13:49I thought you were coming over to help me paint

00:13:51No, I thought I was coming over while you paint

00:13:53I don't paint

00:13:55I'm not a painter

00:13:56Anyway, I gotta go pick up my check

00:13:59Disability

00:14:00Think about what he said

00:14:02When I said they needed a goal

00:14:03I really meant they needed money

00:14:05Because all they were capable of doing

00:14:07Was painting houses

00:14:10All the fixtures you see are original

00:14:13They were installed when the house was first built

00:14:15In 1946

00:14:17Now, nine years ago

00:14:19The owner of the house, Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones

00:14:21Had all the fixtures removed

00:14:23Sent back to Germany

00:14:25Where they were originally manufactured

00:14:27In 1928

00:14:30The Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones?

00:14:32The harmonica player?

00:14:33Yes

00:14:35Wow

00:14:38Nice house, Blue Smoke

00:14:40How do you know Blue Smoke?

00:14:42I don't, I know Bob Kim

00:14:44Not done yet!

00:14:45All of the fixtures were cleaned

00:14:47Restored, updated

00:14:49By the grandson of the original manufacturer

00:14:51Minscher van der Klieger

00:14:53Now if that name rings a bell

00:14:55It should

00:14:57Because we still use Klieg lights today

00:14:59This way

00:15:02Does he know we're here to paint?

00:15:04As you can see

00:15:06As you can see

00:15:08The kitchen has been updated as well

00:15:10The technology of tomorrow

00:15:12With the hardwood floors of yesterday

00:15:14I think that's pretty cool

00:15:16Speaking of cool

00:15:17Nicely done

00:15:18This refrigerator

00:15:20Has the shell of its mother model

00:15:22The Frieze Captain 627

00:15:24With the entrails

00:15:26Of the Captain Frost

00:15:28And the rest of his fridge

00:15:32A lovely piece of machinery

00:15:36I believe this is yours

00:15:38Take a look at this

00:15:40Is this beautiful?

00:15:41Look at this with the trees

00:15:43And the sun

00:15:44Look at this view

00:15:46If this view were a lady

00:15:48I would lay her down right here

00:15:50Right now

00:15:51And give her the love

00:15:53Oh my God

00:15:55Oh my God

00:15:57Oh God

00:15:59I am so goddamn tired

00:16:01Of showing houses all day long

00:16:03You couldn't give this piece of shit away

00:16:05This, this shit

00:16:07It's been on the market for six years now

00:16:10Oh God

00:16:12Oh God

00:16:14Did you ever lie in bed at night

00:16:16And you look up at the ceiling

00:16:18And you realize

00:16:19You know, I came to the fork in the road

00:16:20I veered left

00:16:21You know you should veer right

00:16:22You know it

00:16:23But it's too late

00:16:25It's too late

00:16:26I shit where I sleep

00:16:28Oh God

00:16:29I wish I had a back porch

00:16:33It's too late

00:16:36You guys

00:16:38You seem like nice guys

00:16:40Really

00:16:41And you're young

00:16:42You should get away

00:16:43Run away now

00:16:44Because I feel one coming on

00:16:46Okay?

00:16:48I really need to be alone

00:16:51Oh God

00:16:56Oh

00:16:58Oh God

00:17:00Wow

00:17:01Can you believe that?

00:17:02Oh

00:17:03Blue Smoke's house has been on the market for six years

00:17:05It's beautiful

00:17:07Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

00:17:10Two guys

00:17:11Strike that

00:17:12Two morons

00:17:13Who can't paint

00:17:14And they're talking about some musician

00:17:17I'm

00:17:19I thought this was about an armed robbery

00:17:21It is

00:17:22So?

00:17:23Where is it?

00:17:24I mean

00:17:25How far are we into the picture now?

00:17:26Ten minutes

00:17:28Maybe

00:17:30Ten minutes

00:17:31Ten minutes is a lifetime

00:17:32See?

00:17:33George knows

00:17:34In Indiana Jones

00:17:35He has already been chased

00:17:36By a boulder

00:17:37By now

00:17:38Okay?

00:17:39In Jaws we've seen a girl get naked

00:17:40Make out with some guy

00:17:41Hop in the water

00:17:42And get eaten by a shark

00:17:43That's the goal

00:17:44That's what the audience is waiting for

00:17:45Why are you making them wait?

00:17:48I wanted to build up the motivation

00:17:50To their committing the robbery

00:17:52Wrong answer

00:17:55My dear, you must be visual

00:17:56You have to show this

00:17:57You gotta show some guns

00:17:58Some violence

00:17:59A little blood

00:18:00I don't know

00:18:01Wait, um

00:18:02They, they

00:18:03Let's say they

00:18:04They

00:18:05They witness a robbery

00:18:09They witness a robbery

00:18:10And that inspires them

00:18:11That's good, isn't it?

00:18:12That's good

00:18:13That's good

00:18:14Try that

00:18:15You want me to change what I have?

00:18:17Change what actually happened

00:18:18Change the truth

00:18:20The truth

00:18:21What do you think this is?

00:18:22Church?

00:18:23Yes

00:18:24Yes

00:18:25Change the truth

00:18:26Add the bit about the robbery

00:18:27And then, uh

00:18:28Continue

00:18:30Okay

00:18:31Um

00:18:32Let's see

00:18:33Uh

00:18:34As Uncle Lou said

00:18:35Nobody knows anything

00:18:36So I might as well

00:18:37Give it a try

00:18:38Why can't Miranda

00:18:39Just be nice to me?

00:18:40You guys need a dialogue, man

00:18:42Is that it, fellas?

00:18:43Yeah

00:18:44All right

00:18:45All right

00:18:46Is that it, fellas?

00:18:47Yeah

00:18:48All right

00:18:49Uh, let's see

00:18:50Pepsi

00:18:51Pepsi

00:18:52Fruit pie

00:18:53Fruit pie

00:18:54$2.65

00:18:55We got $2

00:18:56We got

00:18:57$50

00:18:58$60

00:18:59$1

00:19:00$62

00:19:01$63

00:19:02$60

00:19:03$4

00:19:04$2

00:19:05$64

00:19:07$2

00:19:08$60

00:19:09$4

00:19:11All right

00:19:12Fine

00:19:15Miranda's just complicated

00:19:16You know

00:19:17You guys

00:19:18You need to talk more

00:19:19Because she's like

00:19:20Let's stay calm

00:19:21We just want the cash

00:19:22Let's go

00:19:23Let's go

00:19:24Move it

00:19:25Uh, you two spread out

00:19:26Spread out

00:19:27See some money out of you two

00:19:28Come on

00:19:29Come on

00:19:30I'm not fooling around here

00:19:31Let's open the pot

00:19:32See some cash

00:19:33Nothing

00:19:34Holy cow

00:19:35Give me the chain

00:19:36Get the hands up

00:19:37Clean

00:19:38That's it

00:19:39Let's go

00:19:48How hairy was that?

00:19:50How about shit?

00:19:51Did you bow shit?

00:19:52How about shit?

00:19:54You see me?

00:19:55I froze

00:19:56I was

00:19:57Hey, man

00:19:58You're really cool

00:19:59Yeah, it's because

00:20:00I don't give a shit

00:20:01It happens every other week

00:20:02I'm not going to get my ass

00:20:03shot up for, you know

00:20:04$200

00:20:05It's not even mine

00:20:06You were really cool

00:20:07I should have put

00:20:08a cap in the ass

00:20:09That's what I should have did

00:20:10But I don't have a, uh, gun

00:20:16Hey

00:20:17Yeah, yeah, go ahead

00:20:18You sure?

00:20:19You sure?

00:20:20Here you go

00:20:21Thanks a lot

00:20:22Sure

00:20:24Jimmy needed to feel

00:20:25worthy in Miranda's eyes

00:20:27To prove himself to her

00:20:29on his own terms

00:20:31But he didn't know how

00:20:33Witnessing the robbery

00:20:34was both shocking

00:20:35and exciting to them

00:20:36A total shock

00:20:37A total adrenaline rush

00:20:38To Jimmy and Virus

00:20:39this was all the inspiration

00:20:40they needed

00:20:41If you had to give

00:20:42an inscription to the cops

00:20:43right now

00:20:44what would you tell them?

00:20:45I'd say there were two of them

00:20:46Uh-huh

00:20:47And that they were

00:20:48bigger than us

00:20:49White

00:20:50Hey

00:20:51You don't catch guys like that

00:20:52You know?

00:20:53They knew exactly

00:20:54what they were doing

00:20:55They're professionals

00:20:56You heard the cashier

00:20:57That shit happens all the time

00:20:58I like this

00:20:59Much better now

00:21:00I like it

00:21:01This is good

00:21:02Come on

00:21:04Jimmy moved in with Virus

00:21:06The wheels were now

00:21:07in motion that would

00:21:08lead them to their

00:21:09eventual destiny

00:21:10Come on

00:21:11Get the door open

00:21:12Alright

00:21:13Phone's ringing

00:21:14Hello

00:21:15Oh no

00:21:16Hey Miranda

00:21:17How are you?

00:21:18No actually

00:21:19We just walked in

00:21:20It's Miranda

00:21:21Really?

00:21:22No that's

00:21:23Yeah

00:21:24No I will

00:21:25Yeah that's sweet

00:21:26I will

00:21:27Absolutely I will

00:21:28Uh-huh

00:21:29You look like

00:21:30Joe Perry from

00:21:31Harold Smith right now

00:21:32in real life

00:21:33It's weird

00:21:34Your nose

00:21:35What are you saying?

00:21:36No that

00:21:37Okay cool

00:21:38Absolutely

00:21:39I will

00:21:40Yeah he's right here

00:21:41Hold on one second

00:21:42She wants to talk to you

00:21:43Now to Jimmy

00:21:44his life may have been crap

00:21:45But the one thing he did have

00:21:47was Miranda

00:21:49Actually he didn't but

00:21:51that's Jimmy

00:21:52Hello

00:21:53Yeah no

00:21:54It's me and Virus

00:21:56Hey how'd you know

00:21:57I was here anyway?

00:21:58No

00:21:59Just no

00:22:00No

00:22:02Now see I think

00:22:03you do want to fight about it

00:22:04As a matter of fact

00:22:05I think you want nothing more

00:22:06than to fight about it

00:22:07Hang on a second there Puddin

00:22:09You're the one who asked me to

00:22:11Puds

00:22:12I even asked a psychiatrist

00:22:13why Miranda would call

00:22:15It's called separation anxiety

00:22:17You see

00:22:18Jimmy was obsessed with Miranda

00:22:19yet she was rejecting him

00:22:21Quite often when people are awake

00:22:23this sort of thing happens

00:22:24Yeah yeah yeah

00:22:25That's exactly what happened to me

00:22:26when I was on a stakeout

00:22:27for two months

00:22:28Day in and day out

00:22:30My wife and I

00:22:31well we were separated for some time

00:22:33and well we had arguments

00:22:35and you know

00:22:36separation is very painful

00:22:38and stressful

00:22:39Oh it's terrible

00:22:40He was not on a stakeout

00:22:42He's disturbed

00:22:44He thinks he's Joe Mannix

00:22:45from the television show

00:22:46You were not on a stakeout

00:22:47Yeah I tried to call her

00:22:49from every discreet telephone

00:22:50I could find

00:22:51but there just wasn't

00:22:52any telephones around

00:22:53I was desperate

00:22:54desperate to talk to her

00:22:55I even had my secretary Peggy

00:22:57You remember Peggy

00:22:58Peggy I said you got to

00:22:59get in touch with her

00:23:00but nothing

00:23:01Nothing

00:23:02You're not a private eye

00:23:03Mr. O'Hanion

00:23:04You're

00:23:05Wait wait a minute

00:23:06What do you mean Shrinko

00:23:07Of course I'm a private eye

00:23:08Joe Mannix

00:23:09What are you talking about

00:23:10I went undercover

00:23:11with my contacts

00:23:12at the police force

00:23:13Lieutenant Tobias

00:23:14Remember Lieutenant Tobias

00:23:15Yes

00:23:16Yeah well

00:23:17I was out of pocket

00:23:18for six months with that

00:23:19You did not go undercover

00:23:20Your name is not Joe Mannix

00:23:21Mr. O'Hanion

00:23:22It's Creek Gore O'Hanion

00:23:23You live in Fresno

00:23:24and you make cheap white wine

00:23:25Wait wait wait

00:23:26You said it was going to be

00:23:27like Reds

00:23:28What part does Warren Beatty play

00:23:32No he's not in it

00:23:35but I'm using eyewitnesses

00:23:38like in the movie Reds

00:23:42You get me Warren Beatty

00:23:43as an eyewitness

00:23:44We got a movie

00:23:50You have any other

00:23:51casting in place

00:23:52You talk to George

00:23:53He's my eyes and my ears

00:23:56Is he coming back

00:24:02How did you put a blind guy

00:24:03in the movie business

00:24:04It's an advantage

00:24:05First of all

00:24:06nobody reads scripts anymore

00:24:07They get these kids

00:24:08from UCLA to do that

00:24:10Secondly

00:24:11if he can't see

00:24:12there's little chance

00:24:13to take his boss's job

00:24:15Though

00:24:16on the other hand

00:24:19if he was also deaf

00:24:21his chances could improve

00:24:22Does everyone have a yes man

00:24:25Some have no men

00:24:27Some have no men

00:24:29Some have no men

00:24:31Most have

00:24:32We'll get back to you man

00:24:33Here

00:24:34Let me give you

00:24:35this guy's number

00:24:36I used to know him

00:24:38He's okay

00:24:39I gave him his first shot

00:24:40You just call him alright

00:24:42Lou Bracken

00:24:44Is he still alive

00:24:46He called you didn't he

00:24:51Comes from Cuba

00:24:53I can make my whole movie

00:24:54for the price of five of those

00:24:56Is that legal

00:24:58Cuba Gooding

00:25:00It's all made of money baby

00:25:05So

00:25:07Where were we

00:25:08Let's see

00:25:09Your cousin Jimmy

00:25:10Jimmy was spending his days

00:25:11watching TV

00:25:12and bemoaning Miranda

00:25:14You're right

00:25:15We should be separate

00:25:16You know

00:25:17I'm better off

00:25:18out of that house

00:25:19than still living

00:25:20with that emotional

00:25:21carnival freak

00:25:22She's a sideshow

00:25:23It's a really nice house though

00:25:27I'm an idiot

00:25:28I still dig it

00:25:30Check it out

00:25:31Turn it up

00:25:32Try it

00:25:33After being convicted

00:25:34of the grisly murder

00:25:36of his 69 year old grandmother

00:25:38Sally Gag

00:25:40McClintock's Peach

00:25:42They can't be beat

00:25:43You'll say that's neat

00:25:45The best darn peach

00:25:46I could ever eat

00:25:47So we don't mean to preach

00:25:48But we do instinct you

00:25:49To try one

00:25:50McClintock's Peach

00:25:51Once they saw the commercial

00:25:53They decided to target

00:25:54McClintock's

00:25:55Okay this is Karen

00:25:56Alright

00:25:57She's a friend of mine

00:25:58Karen used to work

00:25:59at McClintock's

00:26:00Why she quit

00:26:01That's not important either

00:26:02Okay

00:26:03Alright

00:26:04Here's the candy

00:26:05Karen says they deposit

00:26:06the money to the bank

00:26:07every Monday afternoon

00:26:08No

00:26:09Yeah

00:26:10So I figure we go in there

00:26:11on a Monday morning

00:26:12That's a week's worth

00:26:13of business in that register

00:26:14How hard can this be

00:26:15Register full of cash

00:26:16No security

00:26:17I figure we walk in

00:26:18Grab the money

00:26:19Walk out

00:26:20Just like those guys did

00:26:21Coffee Karen figures

00:26:22almost $50,000

00:26:23Even as Jimmy and Virus

00:26:24plotted the robbery

00:26:25McClintock's had found

00:26:26some public support

00:26:27How dare the McClintocks

00:26:28invoke God

00:26:29to sell their peaches

00:26:31They are the most

00:26:32self-righteous

00:26:33pretentious con artists

00:26:34this town has ever seen

00:26:35I could spit on them

00:26:37McClintock's peaches

00:26:39taste just like my mom's

00:26:41Exactly the same

00:26:43These eyewitnesses

00:26:44You shot them already, right?

00:26:46Oh yeah

00:26:47In the can

00:26:48And there's a lot more

00:26:49than what you've heard

00:26:53So

00:26:55Who do you see

00:26:57as the peach expert?

00:26:59The real peach expert himself

00:27:01The real one I already

00:27:02shot in the film

00:27:04Okay, let's get this straight

00:27:06Everyone

00:27:07I don't care who they are

00:27:08wants to get their hands

00:27:09on some of these peaches

00:27:10especially if they've ever

00:27:11tasted McClintock's peach

00:27:13I mean everyone

00:27:14Okay?

00:27:16Oh

00:27:17Merci beaucoup

00:27:21Euro trash

00:27:23Sunscreen?

00:27:26I think

00:27:27I think perhaps you should

00:27:29think younger

00:27:31Maybe

00:27:33Ben Stiller

00:27:35as the peach expert

00:27:39What ever happened

00:27:40to authenticity?

00:27:42Authenticity is for CNN

00:27:45Ben Stiller

00:27:46is for movies

00:27:48Cheers

00:27:49Maybe you're right

00:27:56Oh

00:27:57Well think about it

00:28:00Okay

00:28:01Think about Ben

00:28:02Okay, get this straight

00:28:03Everybody

00:28:04I don't care who it is

00:28:05wants to get their hands

00:28:06on some of those peaches

00:28:07if they've ever tasted

00:28:08McClintock's peach

00:28:09Okay?

00:28:11Ben Stiller

00:28:12Hmm?

00:28:15Okay, get this straight

00:28:16Everybody

00:28:17I don't care who it is

00:28:18wants to get their hands

00:28:19on some of those peaches

00:28:20if they've ever tasted

00:28:21McClintock's peach

00:28:22Okay?

00:28:23Ben Stiller

00:28:24Okay, get this straight

00:28:25Everybody

00:28:26I don't care who it is

00:28:27wants to get their hands

00:28:28on some of those peaches

00:28:29if they've ever tasted

00:28:30McClintock's peach

00:28:31Okay?

00:28:32Much better

00:28:33Now continue

00:28:35Well

00:28:37The scene for Robbie

00:28:38McClintock's was planned

00:28:39But Jimmy was torn

00:28:41Confused

00:28:44Between his unrequited

00:28:45love for Miranda

00:28:46and the adrenaline rush

00:28:48from the robbery

00:28:49Jimmy was an emotional

00:28:51Jimmy was an emotional

00:28:53Vulnerable

00:28:55Incredibly

00:28:57Hurt boy

00:28:59He was riding a manic

00:29:00depressive roller coaster

00:29:02Very

00:29:03Deep

00:29:05Deep

00:29:06Lows

00:29:09And manic

00:29:10Sexy highs

00:29:14Very manic highs

00:29:16Excuse me

00:29:17I'm just gonna put this

00:29:18over here

00:29:20Virus wasn't any help

00:29:21He was always testing

00:29:22Jimmy with ridiculous

00:29:23hypothetical questions

00:29:25You were their

00:29:26camp counselor

00:29:27I certainly was

00:29:28And I'm here to say

00:29:29that these boys

00:29:30were not evil or vicious

00:29:31Oh, they weren't

00:29:32geniuses to be sure

00:29:34But they had convictions

00:29:35They had values

00:29:36Hey, I got one for you

00:29:38If you had to blow

00:29:39some guy, who would it be?

00:29:40Excuse me?

00:29:41Say you had to blow

00:29:42some guy, who would you pick?

00:29:43I don't have to blow

00:29:44some guy

00:29:45Yeah, I know you don't

00:29:46have to, but if you did

00:29:47who would it be?

00:29:48I try not to entertain

00:29:49that thought

00:29:50and I don't think it's

00:29:51healthy when you do it

00:29:52Come on, entertain me

00:29:53for a second

00:29:54They got a gun

00:29:55to your head

00:29:57Well, if they got

00:29:58a gun to my head

00:29:59odds are I'll be

00:30:00blowing one of them

00:30:01You're missing my point

00:30:02Your point?

00:30:03I didn't realize

00:30:04there was a point

00:30:05Forget about it, alright?

00:30:06Alright, who are they?

00:30:07Friends of yours?

00:30:08No

00:30:09This doesn't make

00:30:10any sense

00:30:11I don't know, look

00:30:12They're just guys, alright

00:30:13They're like bored

00:30:14frat guys

00:30:15They're out on a

00:30:16drinking binge

00:30:17Come on

00:30:18I give up

00:30:19Who do I want to blow?

00:30:20I don't know

00:30:21See?

00:30:22Neither do I

00:30:23You see, that was

00:30:24an essential part

00:30:25of their relationship

00:30:26The conflict between

00:30:27fantasy and reality

00:30:29Yeah, well

00:30:30blowjobs are great

00:30:31but not between two guys

00:30:33This isn't about sex

00:30:34That's not the point

00:30:36Wrong

00:30:38That is the point

00:30:40Sex

00:30:42You gotta have sex

00:30:44Real sex

00:30:46Sexy sex

00:30:48What sex between

00:30:49a guy and a gal?

00:30:52Real sexy

00:30:54Yeah, like

00:30:56Baywatch

00:30:59Baywatch

00:31:00That's it

00:31:02Make it all happen

00:31:03at the beach

00:31:05The whole picture

00:31:07You reshoot all the witnesses

00:31:08at the beach

00:31:10You change the robbery

00:31:11to the beach

00:31:13Then you make Miranda

00:31:14a sexy, sexy lifeguard

00:31:17and you send it to me

00:31:19sealed with a kiss

00:31:21and I'll give that to you

00:31:23All he wanted was sex

00:31:24sex, sex

00:31:27Really?

00:31:28That's three sexes

00:31:30I always knew he was ambitious

00:31:32This is very discouraging

00:31:33Why, come on

00:31:34You ready to give up already?

00:31:35Huh?

00:31:36I thought you were a toughie

00:31:37I thought you had crust like me

00:31:38That's what I always liked

00:31:39about you

00:31:40It's just not exactly

00:31:41what I expected

00:31:42What did you expect?

00:31:43Somebody, the first time

00:31:44you meet them

00:31:45they're gonna give you money

00:31:46to make you fuck up

00:31:47your little movie, huh?

00:31:50Come here, come here

00:31:52Come on

00:31:54Look, this is a tough town

00:31:55You gotta bring the booze

00:31:57Sweetheart, sit down

00:32:05It just seems like

00:32:06everyone wants to make

00:32:07a different movie

00:32:08than the one

00:32:09that I wanna make

00:32:11So what?

00:32:12That's the town

00:32:13Everybody is a critic

00:32:15They go to screens

00:32:16and they say

00:32:18Why wasn't so-and-so

00:32:19in that part?

00:32:20Why can't the ending

00:32:21be different?

00:32:22Come here

00:32:23I'm gonna set you up

00:32:24with Gus Schnuck

00:32:25the King of Schlock

00:32:26He's not quite right

00:32:27for your picture

00:32:28but he's not a critic

00:32:29He wouldn't even pretend

00:32:30to know good from bad

00:32:32Come on in, come on in

00:32:33What do you mean

00:32:34you never heard

00:32:35of a topless toga?

00:32:36What difference does it make?

00:32:37That woman's knackers

00:32:38are so big

00:32:39you couldn't cover them anyway

00:32:41Hiya, Dutch

00:32:42Look, Harry

00:32:43I'm sorry

00:32:44We're gonna have to

00:32:45talk about this later

00:32:46I got a meeting now

00:32:47Yeah, okay, bye

00:32:49Have a seat, please

00:32:50Sit down

00:32:51Meet my assistant

00:32:53He started one

00:32:54of my worst pictures

00:32:55Fuck you

00:32:57You watch your mouth

00:32:58you little shit

00:32:59The picture was terrible

00:33:00but it made a fortune

00:33:01He thinks he should

00:33:02get all the money

00:33:03I'm a star

00:33:04I'm a star

00:33:05Shut up

00:33:07That's a beautiful bird

00:33:08Thank you

00:33:09So, pick up

00:33:10where you left off

00:33:11You're making this movie now

00:33:12about an armed robbery

00:33:13the American dream

00:33:14your cousin Jimmy

00:33:15Around that time

00:33:16almost everyone

00:33:17was talking about

00:33:18McClintock's peach

00:33:19Peaches are good for you

00:33:20They're healthy

00:33:21Go to any health food store

00:33:22they'll tell you

00:33:23Peaches are number one

00:33:24and these

00:33:25kissed by God

00:33:26I hate peaches

00:33:27not just McClintock's peaches

00:33:29but all peaches

00:33:31After all

00:33:32if there weren't any peaches

00:33:33Dwayne Allman

00:33:34would be alive today

00:33:36The whole town

00:33:37had a fruit syndrome

00:33:39that infected everyone

00:33:40particularly

00:33:41Jimmy and Virus

00:33:43You could say

00:33:44that Virus caught a virus

00:33:50Excuse me young lady

00:33:51Is the owner in?

00:33:53Oh

00:33:54Good Lord

00:33:55broke the mold

00:33:56with you two

00:33:58Well

00:33:59I'll just put in

00:34:01a French loaf

00:34:03and

00:34:05a couple muffins

00:34:08for you

00:34:12Miranda was in earlier

00:34:14Huh

00:34:15Why don't you just

00:34:16quit your fussing

00:34:17and marry that girl

00:34:19I did

00:34:21Oh

00:34:23And you

00:34:25you ought to get yourself

00:34:26a steady

00:34:27cause you're gonna

00:34:28catch something

00:34:29that won't wash off

00:34:32You don't want to

00:34:33grow old alone

00:34:34No ma'am

00:34:363.35

00:34:383.35

00:34:47When I lost Walter

00:34:48my life went into

00:34:49a tailspin

00:34:52I really do

00:34:53miss that man

00:34:54You know

00:34:55we did such good

00:34:56business here

00:34:57before McClintock's

00:34:58opened

00:34:59Can't compete with

00:35:00that

00:35:01God kissed peach

00:35:03Hi

00:35:04McClinticks

00:35:05Well

00:35:06McClinticks is really

00:35:07the life blood

00:35:08of this town

00:35:09You know

00:35:10in large part

00:35:11that's because

00:35:12of these peaches

00:35:13These are some of

00:35:14the best peaches

00:35:15in the world

00:35:16They're really

00:35:17kind of

00:35:18God kissed

00:35:19You know

00:35:20Listen

00:35:21they pump the revenue

00:35:22right into this city

00:35:23You see

00:35:24the thing is

00:35:25every city

00:35:26every major city

00:35:27has that

00:35:28that one special

00:35:29attraction

00:35:30You know

00:35:31New York has

00:35:32the Statue of Liberty

00:35:33and San Antonio

00:35:34has the

00:35:35the Alamo

00:35:37Did you get that?

00:35:38Are we in?

00:35:39This peach

00:35:40was eaten by

00:35:41President

00:35:42Ronald Reagan

00:35:45He came to this city

00:35:46just for the peaches

00:35:49Actually

00:35:50well

00:35:51I think

00:35:52actually he was lost

00:35:53but the point is that

00:35:54he took one bite

00:35:55of that peach

00:35:57and

00:35:58well he had to leave

00:35:59but I was fortunate

00:36:00because I grabbed

00:36:01that peach

00:36:02before he left

00:36:03and

00:36:04it's a little

00:36:05it's a little rotted now

00:36:06you can probably see

00:36:07but

00:36:08those are his

00:36:09actual teeth marks

00:36:11I'm pretty sure

00:36:12that they

00:36:13were his real teeth

00:36:14Uh

00:36:15excuse me Sarah

00:36:16Who do you see

00:36:17as a peach expert?

00:36:18Ben Stiller

00:36:19What are you

00:36:20a casting director?

00:36:21That's exactly

00:36:22who I saw

00:36:23Really?

00:36:24Go on

00:36:25Ben Stiller

00:36:26Ben Stiller

00:36:27Not you

00:36:28you dummy

00:36:29her

00:36:30Please

00:36:31Fuck you

00:36:32I'm a star

00:36:33Ben Stiller

00:36:34You're right on the edge

00:36:35You're gonna get it

00:36:36I'm sorry

00:36:37Please

00:36:38Go ahead

00:36:39As I was saying

00:36:40by now

00:36:41Jimmy and Byers

00:36:42had zeroed in

00:36:43on the Clint talks

00:36:44but they were still

00:36:45afraid of getting caught

00:36:46I feel really good

00:36:47about the plan

00:36:48I really

00:36:49you know

00:36:50feel good about

00:36:51the whole thing

00:36:52but I also feel like

00:36:53we're gonna get caught

00:36:54No

00:36:55Do not do that

00:36:56Do not do that

00:36:57Look

00:36:58I feel like

00:36:59I'm serious

00:37:00Don't think that way

00:37:01Look

00:37:02I'm just saying

00:37:04Listen up skater

00:37:05I'm gonna tell you once

00:37:06If you think it

00:37:07it will happen

00:37:08Well now this Jimmy

00:37:09could he go psycho

00:37:10like De Niro did

00:37:11at the end of Taxi Driver?

00:37:12You know

00:37:13I mean

00:37:14that's something I could sell

00:37:15No

00:37:16But he could

00:37:17But he didn't

00:37:18But you're writing it

00:37:19so he could

00:37:20But it's a true story

00:37:21so he didn't

00:37:22Didn't

00:37:23Watch it

00:37:24Watch it

00:37:25Fuck you

00:37:26Fuck me

00:37:27Fuck you

00:37:28Teach him one bad word

00:37:29and he goes nuts

00:37:30Now what about music?

00:37:31This Byers

00:37:32Soundtracks can put a movie

00:37:33into black

00:37:34even if it's a turkey

00:37:35you know

00:37:36Turkey

00:37:37I got the music in me

00:37:39I can feel it

00:37:41I just gotta find it

00:37:42We all do

00:37:44No we all don't

00:37:46What you're feeling

00:37:47you see

00:37:48there's a euphoria

00:37:49that comes along

00:37:50with believing

00:37:51your own bullshit

00:37:52That's what you're feeling

00:37:53not the music in you

00:37:54Well

00:37:55We muck

00:37:56what we don't understand

00:37:59You see because

00:38:00the music

00:38:01she's my lady

00:38:02she's my muse

00:38:06But she's got a whole

00:38:07lot of mean up

00:38:08under that skirt of hers

00:38:11She taunts me

00:38:12sits at the end of the bar

00:38:13and just before we lock eyes

00:38:14she's gone

00:38:16She's like a cold

00:38:17cup of coffee

00:38:19Sweet

00:38:20sweet

00:38:21music

00:38:22Jimmy and Byers

00:38:23had meticulously planned

00:38:24a robbery

00:38:25with detail and precision

00:38:26asking all the

00:38:27tough questions

00:38:28What does a professional

00:38:29robber need for a robbery?

00:38:31You need a car

00:38:32and you need guns

00:38:33that's about it

00:38:34May I ask you a question?

00:38:35I can get a car

00:38:36but what about guns?

00:38:37Pepsi?

00:38:38Please

00:38:39I get guns

00:38:40You can get guns

00:38:41I get guns

00:38:42You can get a car

00:38:43I'll get guns

00:38:44You can get a car

00:38:45I can get guns

00:38:46Then we get a car

00:38:47and we got guns

00:38:48Sandwich?

00:38:50Car

00:38:51Guns

00:38:53Masks

00:38:55Masks

00:38:57And she's like

00:38:58Oh I had trouble parking

00:38:59It's like there's

00:39:01This is your idea

00:39:02for getting a car?

00:39:04What's your problem?

00:39:05I can rent a car

00:39:06and get guns, alright?

00:39:07Can you get guns, Nathan?

00:39:09Yeah

00:39:10Don't talk about guns

00:39:14Sorry

00:39:15I'm sorry

00:39:17Don't talk about guns

00:39:18You know

00:39:19it's like

00:39:20I would like to

00:39:21be able to sometimes

00:39:22You see

00:39:23cause she's a liar

00:39:24Cause some people lie

00:39:25and she said

00:39:26first

00:39:27do you remember

00:39:28when she was gone

00:39:29Bitch was in Hawaii

00:39:30I know she was

00:39:31because she came back

00:39:32with a can

00:39:33and she was not

00:39:34taking a cigarette break

00:39:35She was smoking weed

00:39:36Cause I know

00:39:37what weed smells like

00:39:38Weed

00:39:39No that's not the point

00:39:40Weed

00:39:41smells like

00:39:42You know weed

00:39:43it's kinda like

00:39:44kinda like sour apple

00:39:45and it's also

00:39:46kinda like

00:39:47butter

00:39:48It's kinda like butter

00:39:49and pine

00:39:50You know like

00:39:51pine

00:39:52No not pie

00:39:53Pine

00:39:54The point is

00:39:55you don't smoke weed

00:39:56at work

00:39:57You can smoke weed

00:39:58You can smoke weed

00:39:59on your time

00:40:00You don't smoke weed

00:40:01on my time

00:40:02You don't

00:40:03Oh I'm sorry

00:40:04I'm sorry

00:40:05I'm sorry

00:40:06I got it

00:40:07I'll call you back

00:40:08I'm sorry

00:40:09Can I help you

00:40:10Yes

00:40:11Good afternoon

00:40:12We were quite taken

00:40:13with a cap and a monte

00:40:14we saw outside

00:40:15Is that considered

00:40:16a midsize

00:40:18You gave me the key

00:40:19I know how it felt

00:40:20Course you do

00:40:21Which car

00:40:22Drivers license

00:40:23Yes

00:40:24Not on me

00:40:25You're gonna rent a car

00:40:26It's so funny to me

00:40:27How's that funny

00:40:28We can't rent

00:40:29We don't have money to rent

00:40:30We don't have money

00:40:31to rent

00:40:32We can't

00:40:33We can't

00:40:34We can't

00:40:35We can't

00:40:36We can't

00:40:37We can't

00:40:38We can't

00:40:39We can't

00:40:40We can't

00:40:41We can't

00:40:42We can't

00:40:43We can't

00:40:44We can't

00:40:45We can't

00:40:46We don't have money to rent

00:40:47You don't need money to rent

00:40:48You pay when you return

00:40:49What if we don't get money

00:40:51Then we don't return

00:40:52That's what they got insurance for

00:40:54Insurance is bullshit

00:40:55Good hands

00:40:56Hand job

00:40:57Reach around

00:40:58Bullshit

00:40:59I still don't see

00:41:00how renting is funny

00:41:02Well it's not funny

00:41:03It's cheating

00:41:04Funny and cheating

00:41:05are synonyms

00:41:06Whatever

00:41:07Whatever

00:41:08Good response

00:41:09I guess you win

00:41:11I'll just get Miranda's car

00:41:12She's pissed at you

00:41:14We need a car

00:41:15We need a car

00:41:16Why don't they steal a car

00:41:17I mean

00:41:18All they do is talk

00:41:19Not enough action

00:41:20Too much talk

00:41:21Talk, talk, talk

00:41:22I warned you

00:41:23You shut up now

00:41:24Look

00:41:25Where's the action

00:41:26The car chases

00:41:27The boards

00:41:28The IRS

00:41:29I told you

00:41:30Never

00:41:31Never to mention that

00:41:32The IRS

00:41:33The IRS

00:41:34Alright

00:41:35That's it

00:41:36Now I'm gonna get ya

00:41:41Mystery, mystery

00:41:42Harrod's got his number

00:41:45Mmm

00:41:46The parrot picture made him big money

00:41:49So he's afraid

00:41:50The parrot's gonna rat him out to the IRS

00:41:52But he can't kill him

00:41:53Because he needs him for the sequel

00:41:55Is everybody in this town nuts

00:41:5790%

00:41:58Mmm

00:42:00I got a new strategy for us

00:42:03This lady

00:42:04Gave me my last job, right

00:42:05She's now

00:42:06Big executive networks

00:42:08I don't know

00:42:10Maybe

00:42:11This could work

00:42:12I like your drama

00:42:13Mmm

00:42:14Darling

00:42:15I can't make it a moment before nine

00:42:17Okay

00:42:19Go on

00:42:20But Jimmy and Byers

00:42:21Were only days away from the robbery

00:42:23It was clear there was only one thing

00:42:24They could do to stop them

00:42:26Themselves

00:42:27Stop right there

00:42:30Do you have any stars attached

00:42:32No

00:42:34Then you're going to need

00:42:35A strong female lead

00:42:37This woman

00:42:38Is she more than just

00:42:39A run of the mill

00:42:40Wife, girlfriend, mistress

00:42:41Hook her with a heart of gold

00:42:42You want a chick flick

00:42:43I'll give you a chick flick

00:42:45Oh

00:42:46She's strong, alright

00:42:47And there's a lot more

00:42:48Where that came from

00:42:49I told you, Jimmy

00:42:50Get the fuck out of here

00:42:52I'm serious

00:42:54Get out

00:42:55So she's strong

00:42:58What about love

00:42:59Is she in love

00:43:01Oh, there's love

00:43:02I got robbed the other day

00:43:04Good, you deserve it

00:43:05Now just get out

00:43:06No, you're right

00:43:07I promise, I'm gonna change Puddin'

00:43:08It's a promise

00:43:09Wait, what did you just call me

00:43:10Puddin'

00:43:11Puddin'

00:43:12No, no, no

00:43:13You don't have the right

00:43:14To call me Puddin'

00:43:15No more Puddin'

00:43:16Okay, it used to be cute

00:43:17It's not cute anymore, Jimmy

00:43:19What's not cute about Puddin'

00:43:21Puddin'

00:43:22That's cute

00:43:23Puddin'

00:43:24Shut up

00:43:26Alright, look

00:43:27Jimmy, I can't take this anymore

00:43:28Okay, it's been like a year

00:43:30Right

00:43:31You watch videos all night

00:43:32You sleep all day

00:43:33Then you hang out with fires

00:43:34I need more, you know that

00:43:35So just leave me be, okay

00:43:37Okay

00:43:38Do us both a favor

00:43:39Just for the rest of my life

00:43:43I need to borrow the car

00:43:46What?

00:43:48I need to borrow the car

00:43:50Well, no

00:43:51You can't

00:43:52You can't borrow my car

00:43:53Your car?

00:43:54Yeah, my car

00:43:55The car

00:43:58You're so fuckin' gangly

00:43:59Oh

00:44:01You are so beautiful

00:44:03Oh, Jesus Christ

00:44:04What are you doing?

00:44:05Get away

00:44:06I've missed you so much

00:44:07I don't give a fuck

00:44:08I have somebody over here

00:44:09You can't come and

00:44:10Don't

00:44:11Don't touch me

00:44:12Makes me want to puke when you touch me

00:44:14Get the fuck off me

00:44:25They're star-crossed lovers

00:44:27And they're sex

00:44:33Damn

00:44:35Damn

00:44:47So

00:44:48Can I get those guns now?

00:44:56I hope Jennifer told you

00:44:57I don't deal in any of that

00:44:58Saturday night special nonsense

00:45:00I've got

00:45:01Clean

00:45:02Out of state

00:45:04Barely been used product

00:45:07High resale value

00:45:11Now

00:45:12Yeah

00:45:13They might seem a little big

00:45:14But they're not

00:45:17You show me some patience

00:45:18I get you a Smith & Wesson .38

00:45:20Basically, snub-nosed service revolvers

00:45:22Get the job done

00:45:23.38s are not as big as these

00:45:28Yeah

00:45:30Hello, ladies

00:45:35Oh, shit

00:45:40You laughing at me, huh?

00:45:41Huh? You laughing at me?

00:45:42What am I, a clown?

00:45:43Do I amuse you on what?

00:45:44I'm funny now, huh?

00:45:45You must be laughing at me

00:45:46I don't see anybody else around here

00:45:47You're mixing your movies, dipshit

00:45:49What?

00:45:50You're mixing your movies

00:45:52No, I'm not

00:45:53How the fuck do I amuse you, huh?

00:45:56That's Joe Pesci

00:45:57No, Pesci wouldn't impact you, Jennifer

00:45:59That's what I'm saying

00:46:00You're mixing your movies

00:46:02No, I'm not

00:46:04Whatever

00:46:05Whatever

00:46:06Good response

00:46:07I guess you win

00:46:08You know, uh

00:46:10Jennifer said you'd have 32 revolvers

00:46:13What?

00:46:15Jennifer told me earlier

00:46:16That you'd have 32 revolvers

00:46:18Jennifer told me earlier

00:46:19You'd have 32 revolvers

00:46:20Jennifer told me earlier

00:46:21You'd have 32 revolvers

00:46:22Well, guess what, ass-face

00:46:23I'm doing you a favor

00:46:25I could get rid of these guns

00:46:26For at least $300 apiece tonight

00:46:31You know what?

00:46:32I'll take those

00:46:33You will, $600, first of the month

00:46:35Don't make me come looking for you

00:46:36Kiss

00:46:38Great

00:46:39I'm keeping the jacket

00:46:40You're gonna keep the jacket, great

00:46:42Go on, get out of here

00:46:44I got work to do

00:46:47So

00:46:48We have sex

00:46:50Love

00:46:51A felony

00:46:53And guns

00:46:56I love guns

00:46:59But I'm not sure I buy the bit about

00:47:01The guns from the girlfriend

00:47:04Oh, well

00:47:05I interviewed a gun expert

00:47:08Oh

00:47:10I'm old, ass

00:47:11Tell me more

00:47:13You should buy

00:47:14From a licensed dealer

00:47:15Like me

00:47:16But you can get guns anyway

00:47:19You want to feel one?

00:47:22Well

00:47:23You don't have cold steel relaxing

00:47:25Against the fleshy part of your finger

00:47:29And you just ain't live

00:47:31It's hard, shiny

00:47:33And has beautiful curves

00:47:35And it won't yell at you when you're bad

00:47:37And it won't spank you for talking back

00:47:40No

00:47:41And it's your friend

00:47:43Your best friend

00:47:46You want to hold it?

00:47:50You know, guns

00:47:51Are what made this country great

00:47:54Don't you agree?

00:47:57Come on

00:47:58Feel it

00:47:59Well, I'd rather not

00:48:00Believe in guns

00:48:02Well, you know

00:48:03You don't know what it's like

00:48:04Until you

00:48:05You touch

00:48:06The love shaft

00:48:07Of Mr. Smith

00:48:08And Mr. West

00:48:10Actually, being a girl

00:48:12It's all right for me not to be into guns

00:48:15What do you mean, being a girl?

00:48:16That's all the more reason you need one

00:48:18All these crazies in the streets

00:48:21You want to be raped?

00:48:22No

00:48:23You carry a gun

00:48:24And you hold it in your arms

00:48:26And you suck on the barrel

00:48:28Like it's your mama's titties

00:48:30I really don't want to do this

00:48:32Watch out!

00:48:35Oh

00:48:38That must have been heaven

00:48:42What?

00:48:43Feeling the gun and actually

00:48:45Having it go off

00:48:48In your hand

00:48:50Well

00:48:51Actually, it scared me to death

00:48:56You mean you don't like guns?

00:48:59No

00:49:04Does that mean you don't want me to continue?

00:49:10Eight

00:49:11Did I mention I saw Ben Stiller as the peach expert?

00:49:14Love you too, darling

00:49:16Bye

00:49:22Maybe we should go the indie route

00:49:24You can't get a studio picture made these days

00:49:26Without big stars

00:49:27Yet, that has nothing to do

00:49:28With whether the film makes money or loses money

00:49:30It's all about keeping your job

00:49:31What do you mean?

00:49:32Well, let's say

00:49:33Ah, you got a terrific script, right?

00:49:35But you put two morons, Jimmy and Virus in it, right?

00:49:38No studio's going to go for that

00:49:40Why? Because the film loses money

00:49:42Then the executive who gave it the green light

00:49:44Is going to lose his job

00:49:45On the other hand

00:49:46You get Tom Hanks or whoever else is the flavor of the money

00:49:49Then the film tanks

00:49:50It's Tom Hanks' fault

00:49:51Or, even better yet, the director

00:49:53I've got Ben Stiller

00:49:55Oh

00:49:56Very nice, that's good, that's a start

00:49:59So, what do I do?

00:50:00Hold on a second

00:50:03Yeah

00:50:05Oh, Phil, yeah, listen, I got my

00:50:07No, no, no, I know we got business

00:50:10Uh, Phil, hold on for a second, okay?

00:50:13Listen, this is a wrong shot

00:50:15Yeah, I'll call you right back

00:50:16Just stay where you are, don't move, okay?

00:50:18Bye

00:50:22I don't know why I didn't think about this before

00:50:25That's my bookie

00:50:26He's got a network

00:50:27He puts money in a lot of independent movies

00:50:29Your bookie?

00:50:30Uh-huh, well, he books for all the writers

00:50:32A good friend of mine couldn't pay him, right?

00:50:35So he gave him his script

00:50:36The picture became a huge hit

00:50:38The guy is now hooked on movies

00:50:42Hi, I'm Sarah Wilder

00:50:44I'm here to see Phil Phillips

00:50:47Hey, Phil, I'm Miss Sarah Wilder here to see you

00:50:50Send her in

00:50:51Go ahead

00:50:55Hi

00:51:00I'm Sarah Wilder

00:51:01Any friend of Lou's is a friend of mine

00:51:03Actually, I'm his niece

00:51:04I know that

00:51:05So Lou told me a little bit about this picture

00:51:07Are there any cars in it?

00:51:09Yes

00:51:12Yeah, you did

00:51:17You know, Blue Smoke played with Groove Grunt's boys

00:51:19Really?

00:51:20I mean, he could have

00:51:22Somebody's got the music in him

00:51:27Not anymore

00:51:28Let's see him

00:51:30Just drive

00:51:31I'm doing stuff over here you couldn't even comprehend

00:51:34Beretta 9mm?

00:51:37This makes it official

00:51:38Oh, yeah

00:51:39For crooks

00:51:40That's cool

00:51:43.45?

00:51:44Lucky

00:51:45That's an expensive gun

00:51:47Only two things nicer than an expensive gun

00:51:49That'd be your Swiss watch and your pretty girl

00:51:51What's that pretty girl's name?

00:51:52Is it pretty?

00:51:53Is it pretty?

00:51:54Yeah, jolly, yeah, jolly

00:51:55Down the ditch, jolly, jolly

00:51:56Down the ditch now, jolly

00:51:57Come on

00:52:00That never happens again

00:52:03Never

00:52:08We live and die by the risk of the heist

00:52:10What?

00:52:11We live and die by the risk of the heist

00:52:12What does that mean?

00:52:14Right now

00:52:16Nothing

00:52:18How'd they get this car?

00:52:20It was Miranda's car, Jimmy's wife

00:52:23They didn't steal it or jack it?

00:52:25No

00:52:26Let me get this straight

00:52:28They're planning a robbery

00:52:30And they're gonna use a car that belongs to his wife?

00:52:32What are they, idiots?

00:52:34They aren't the two brightest guys in the world

00:52:37Hero

00:52:38Okay, good one

00:52:39Uh, we get in there and there's a dumb guy who wants to be a hero

00:52:42Okay, how dumb are we talking?

00:52:43Alright, everything's going as planned, right?

00:52:45Right

00:52:46Smooth as silk, just like clockwork

00:52:48All of a sudden, some guy hops up off the floor and figures

00:52:50Hey, this is a good time to get in the newspapers

00:52:52I'll foil this robbery

00:52:53I'm a hero, I'm a hero, react

00:52:55Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah

00:52:57Alright, you better just dial it down, alright?

00:52:59Just dial it down, numbnuts

00:53:01Before Mr. Thundermaker starts shitting some bullets

00:53:12Don't worry, I can handle it, okay

00:53:14This is going great

00:53:15Thanks, man

00:53:16You're doing well

00:53:17Thank you

00:53:18Pregnant woman's water poops

00:53:19Pops

00:53:20Pops, pregnant woman's water poops

00:53:22Right, right, right

00:53:25Oh, my God!

00:53:26I'm having my baby!

00:53:28I'm having my baby!

00:53:30Blanket of Napalm

00:53:39Yes

00:53:41Morons

00:53:42This picture's about two morons

00:53:45Jimmy and Byrus had practiced and rehearsed the robbery for days

00:53:49It was the hardest work they'd done since, well, ever

00:53:52And there was no turning back

00:53:53This was it, their moment of truth

00:53:56We just parked the car, we walked the block, the location

00:53:58We walked slow, we're just two guys walking

00:53:59What if we see cops?

00:54:00It doesn't matter, we're just two guys walking

00:54:02We're just two guys that happen to be walking

00:54:03We determine the area's secure?

00:54:04Then we move forward

00:54:05We're at the entrance, we pull out the guns

00:54:07We run in, we grab the money, we run out

00:54:08How long are we gonna be there?

00:54:09Two minutes

00:54:10Two minutes tops, not two and a half, not three

00:54:12Two minutes

00:54:13Let's try one

00:54:15We're at Cali, yeah

00:54:16We're at Cali, yeah

00:54:17We're at Cali, yeah

00:54:18We're at Cali, yeah

00:54:19We're at Cali, yeah

00:54:30You ready?

00:54:31Candy from a baby

00:54:32On your mark

00:54:34Set

00:54:36Go

00:54:41What's the name of this store, please?

00:54:44McClintock's Grocery

00:54:46Thank you

00:54:48We're here, we've just done some remodeling

00:54:50That's nice

00:54:52Not necessary

00:54:53Alright, listen up people

00:54:55This is a robbery

00:54:57We don't want any trouble

00:54:59So if you wanna be stupid

00:55:01Let's do it now

00:55:02And get it over with

00:55:05Look

00:55:06Nobody plays tough guy but me

00:55:08Alright?

00:55:09We have a gun

00:55:10And we got a car

00:55:11Okay?

00:55:12So we live and die with the risk of the heist

00:55:14Hey fellas

00:55:15No need for all the shouting

00:55:17If you're here for the peaches

00:55:19I'm sure we can work something out

00:55:22I think I'm speaking for the group

00:55:24When I say nobody here wants to take a bullet

00:55:27I know I don't

00:55:28Hey

00:55:29You need to do some shopping?

00:55:31Great time

00:55:34Look, he's cool

00:55:35Let's go, huh?

00:55:36Just like we planned

00:55:37Look, wipe that Curly Joe smile off your stupid mouth

00:55:39And just open the register

00:55:40You don't have to take that, Lawrence

00:55:42Shut up

00:55:43You apron-wearing, fake-toothed, pie-baking whore

00:55:46Whoa, whoa, whoa, come on

00:55:48You don't have to be mean

00:55:49They'll do what we say

00:55:50We got guns

00:55:51Back off, you beanpole, Ichabod cream motherfucker

00:55:55I don't remember rehearsing this part

00:55:57This whole thing was your idea

00:55:58So if I don't meet your expectations

00:55:59Of what a professional grocery store robber should be

00:56:01I'd like to take this time to apologize

00:56:03In front of all the fine folks here at McClintock's

00:56:06Hey everybody

00:56:07Peaches on me

00:56:11Hey, uh, well, we're a little behind

00:56:16But we're still professionals

00:56:18We deserve better than this

00:56:20No, you don't

00:56:21But you know what does?

00:56:23This cow

00:56:24This cow deserves better than this

00:56:26You and your big McClintock's market

00:56:29I got raw meat

00:56:31I am crazy

00:56:32So let's make with that cash and coin, Colonel Tom

00:56:34I'd do it, he ain't right

00:56:35Come on, all of it

00:56:36Say two

00:56:37You want to pitch in and help out with that?

00:56:39All right, now see, this is why I wanted you to go to the bank

00:56:42There's no time for that, dear, now

00:56:44These fellas seem to be in a hurry

00:56:45No, you had to watch the dogs

00:56:46Let's all pitch in

00:56:47Come on, please, come on

00:56:49There's a few more dollars we're going to save to give to the church

00:56:52But you might as well take the whole thing

00:56:56Thank you, ma'am

00:56:59Take us home

00:57:00Clean, that's it

00:57:02Let's go

00:57:04Knock it

00:57:07Thanks a lot, appreciate it

00:57:09Morons, these are the two dumbest guys I ever heard of

00:57:12It appeared that Jimmy and Virus had actually pulled off a successful robbery without getting caught

00:57:17Anything to do with McClintock's was a big story in town

00:57:21So, tell us, were you at the robbery or not?

00:57:25Yeah

00:57:27Yeah, I was there, okay, is that what you want to hear?

00:57:30I was there in the store when the three guys burst in wearing ski masks, pointing guns and shouting, okay?

00:57:36We were there and I didn't see a lot, did you see a lot?

00:57:40No, I didn't really see a lot

00:57:42No

00:57:43No

00:57:44Well, I thought they were after the missus at first, I didn't know what was going on

00:57:47My first thought, of course, was the peaches

00:57:50And then I thought the missus, because you never know what two men like this, desperate, are going to do with a beautiful young woman like this

00:57:56He didn't get a good, see him, you know, a good eyeball of him, if you will, you know, on account of

00:58:02Circumstances

00:58:04Circumstances

00:58:05What am I getting the eye, let's talk turkey, I'm a freak

00:58:09Well, I remember them, I remember that day was really a bad day for me because I was here by myself

00:58:16Because somebody else wasn't here with me, so it was all different, so I remember that day was really distinctly

00:58:23I'd stick the peaches up my ass if it would do something, sir

00:58:28I'd have a whole crate up my rectal vault if it meant that I didn't have this freaking eye

00:58:35Okay, I stole five peaches, is that it? Is that what you want to hear?

00:58:39I stole five peaches, all right

00:58:41What did you want me to do? They were rolling around the floor like a bunch of alleys, what was I supposed to do?

00:58:46Everybody was taking them

00:58:48The Samoan took three

00:58:51Yeah, there was a Samoan

00:58:53Yeah, I'm pretty sure

00:58:56A really big Filipino

00:58:59Excuse me

00:59:01Mm-hmm

00:59:02Jack

00:59:03Yeah

00:59:04Mm-hmm

00:59:05Mm-hmm

00:59:06Mm-hmm

00:59:07Big Sky Jim in the 4th

00:59:09Mm-hmm

00:59:10Something fishy

00:59:12Okay

00:59:13No more action in the 4th

00:59:17Excuse me

00:59:18Anyway, the initial 48 hours after the robbery were crucial

00:59:21How Jimmy and Byrus would act would either mean a successful getaway or prison

00:59:27Do what?

00:59:28Yeah, being pulled Ichabod Crane motherfucker

00:59:35Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that because we should definitely discuss that

00:59:41Yeah

00:59:42Because I got really swept up in the moment and I'm not proud of it

00:59:48But the guy in that store, standing on that counter and just shouting, berating you

00:59:55And the guy sitting on this counter, talking to you

01:00:01Are two different guys

01:00:04Where's the fella who done all the hollering, loved to have a little chin wag with him

01:00:10Well, he asked me to tell you that he's sorry

01:00:14And that he won't be coming around here anymore, I know that much

01:00:18That you can...

01:00:21And he also asked me...

01:00:26To give you this

01:00:29A little bit of that, that's what he was...

01:00:38You be sure and tell him thank you

01:00:41I definitely will

01:00:43And I would also like to take you out to dinner or something like that, you know

01:00:49I can't believe we're having this conversation

01:00:51Look me in the eye and tell me

01:00:54I've never, ever slept with Miranda

01:00:58I don't believe you

01:01:01I give up

01:01:02You give up because you know I'm right

01:01:04Do you honestly think that if I'd ever had sex with her, even before we met, I wouldn't have brought it up?

01:01:14That sucks

01:01:15Let's talk about something else

01:01:17No, don't, not now

01:01:19Stop it, just put it out of your mind

01:01:22And think about Kennedy, taking a bullet to the back of the head

01:01:25It's science, valid science, it's been proven

01:01:28You're a dick

01:01:29I'm a dick

01:01:30You're a dick

01:01:31Then you're my balls

01:01:32Sunshine, we can have a straight eat

01:01:38Sean Connery

01:01:39Why Sean Connery?

01:01:40It's the only answer

01:01:41How do you figure?

01:01:44Okay

01:01:47You're out at some abandoned warehouse, right?

01:01:49And these guys, got a gun to your head because you gotta blow one of them

01:01:53Bring me Sean Connery

01:01:55Then, before you begin the actual blow, you look up at Sean like

01:01:59Okay Sean, I'm gonna give you the signal

01:02:02We drop these guys and get the hell out of here

01:02:05It's foolproof

01:02:07Yeah, uh, what if Sean's not with you?

01:02:14At least you're blowing one of the grapes, huh?

01:02:16This is a fucked up conversation

01:02:18Hey Phil, somebody here to see you

01:02:21Who?

01:02:22Frankie C

01:02:23Frankie C, Jesus Christ, send him back

01:02:26Frankie, you son of a bitch

01:02:28How you doing?

01:02:29How's it going?

01:02:32Say hello to Sarah

01:02:34I was just leaving

01:02:35No, no, you stay

01:02:38She's telling me about this movie, she's got this movie idea

01:02:40You know, she's Lou's niece, you remember Lou, nice guy

01:02:44She's telling me this story about her idiot cousin

01:02:47Go ahead, tell them

01:02:48They just knocked off a peach store

01:02:51Actually, it's a grocery store that specialized in peaches

01:02:54Whatever, whatever, go ahead

01:03:02You can't tell me you don't think about getting caught

01:03:05What are you doing?

01:03:07I asked you not to do that

01:03:09You can't tell me you don't think about it

01:03:10That's great, thanks a lot, you jinxed us

01:03:14Sorry, don't touch me

01:03:25Where are you going?

01:03:26I'm leaving

01:03:27You tainted the roof, now I can never come up here again

01:03:29And I paid my rent

01:03:32We're not jinxed

01:03:35Turn to the right

01:03:41When I first heard Jimmy was involved

01:03:44I didn't want to believe it

01:03:47I don't even know what you guys are doing here

01:03:49Because Jimmy and I are completely done

01:03:51We were totally separated, so

01:03:53I don't really have anything to tell you

01:04:00Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

01:04:02So you're going to send those pictures to the cops?

01:04:05Jimmy's going to love this, what are you kidding me?

01:04:08They're looking all over for me, right?

01:04:10So by sending them pictures, it shows I'm not scared

01:04:12It's the risk of the hunt, baby

01:04:14Do not baby me

01:04:16Are you insane?

01:04:17They see the photos with me and you

01:04:19And they're going to put two and two together

01:04:21It's me they're after

01:04:22That's right

01:04:23I don't even know you

01:04:24That's right you don't know me

01:04:25Why are you advertising our affiliation?

01:04:29Patty, Patty, sweet, innocent Patty

01:04:32Look, I want you to know that no matter what happens to me

01:04:35I'm not going to forget about you

01:04:38Where are you from?

01:04:39What are you not understanding?

01:04:41They see the photos with me on your lap

01:04:44God, I know this is tough for you

01:04:47You know, but I need you to stand tall and be strong and know

01:04:50That no matter what happens, alright?

01:04:51When a tear runs down your face, it's not a tear

01:04:54Okay, it's me just saying I love you

01:04:56Do you understand what I'm saying?

01:04:57Okay, yeah, I think I get it now

01:04:59Great

01:05:00Okay, well, I gotta run

01:05:02Pretty face

01:05:06Okay

01:05:18Hello?

01:05:19Yes, who am I speaking with, please?

01:05:21Well, hello, Officer Sturgis

01:05:23This is Dick Panglin

01:05:24I need you to do me a favor if you could

01:05:26Come and find me, you fat, donut-eating, wife-beating, sad excuse for a cop

01:05:3010-4, 10-4, 10-4

01:05:33Take off the glasses

01:05:43Uh, excuse me, uh, but this guy, uh, Cyrus

01:05:47Virus, his name's Virus

01:05:49Yeah, Virus Cyrus, yeah, yeah

01:05:51You say he went to the cops?

01:05:52Morons, I told you

01:05:54Well, not exactly

01:05:55Everyone had their own opinion on that

01:05:57Feats of courage combined with nobility of purpose

01:06:01That's what these boys are about

01:06:03You, you, they don't sit there in judgment

01:06:06Judging other people's idiosyncrasies

01:06:09They're confident

01:06:10You, what do you do?

01:06:11You ask questions

01:06:12They don't ask questions

01:06:13They give answers

01:06:15They do something

01:06:16You would do well to be more like them

01:06:19That boy just wasn't right in the head

01:06:21He used to come in here all the time

01:06:24And just be, you know, handling the brats

01:06:28Of course, when he was little

01:06:29He sure did fall down a lot when his daddy was home

01:06:33Virus?

01:06:35I don't know him

01:06:36So what do you think motivated him to rob McClintock's?

01:06:40I said I know him, I'm not his mama

01:06:43You know, Virus and I have this really special connection

01:06:46That, um, that Jimmy just, he can't understand it

01:06:50You know what I mean?

01:06:51He's so lost

01:06:54You know, this place wouldn't be so depressing

01:06:57If you guys just chose a different color scheme

01:06:59Maybe get away from your pastels

01:07:01Because a dark color in a dark place

01:07:03That equals, equals dark

01:07:07You guys need to get brighter

01:07:11Your yellows, burst of orange, your blues

01:07:15Make a man's day go quicker

01:07:17You know, Truman, I'd be willing to sit down

01:07:19With your commanding officer and discuss it with him

01:07:20If you think it would help move things along a bit

01:07:22Whatever

01:07:23Whatever, good response

01:07:24I guess you win, right?

01:07:43Got your letter

01:07:45Seen that Truman

01:07:48You asshole, you got us caught

01:07:50You got us caught, you jinxed us

01:07:52As your attorney

01:07:54I should tell you that this is my first case

01:07:56And I'm at a loss for words

01:07:58I have no idea what to do

01:08:01And that worries me

01:08:03Is everybody in this picture an idiot?

01:08:05I was just trying to tell the story like how it happened

01:08:07Nobody could be that stupid

01:08:09Well, you had to know him

01:08:10Especially Jimmy, that's his nature

01:08:12You see, they're very good people

01:08:14They just got in trouble for the wrong reasons

01:08:16And that's the point I want to make in the film

01:08:19If this goes to trial

01:08:21We'll need to create some doubt

01:08:23We need people to speak on your behalf

01:08:25And no one's willing to do that

01:08:26Oh, there's going to be somebody

01:08:28They're wondered, they're mentioned

01:08:30You know what a mention is?

01:08:31That's what those boys are

01:08:33You would do well to be more like them

01:08:36You're boring

01:08:37You, they're on the roof

01:08:38What? What are you saying?

01:08:40You on the roof, we need you to come down now

01:08:43What? Are you my three...

01:08:45I'm sorry, I think it's my three o'clock

01:08:47Are you the court men's?

01:08:48Yes, we're the good men

01:08:50I'm Sarah, this is my husband Lester

01:08:52Now please, come down off the roof

01:08:55I'm sorry, that's my three o'clock

01:08:57Okay, I'll be there in a jiffy, okay?

01:09:00See, either you got it or you don't got it

01:09:04And this kid Virus, he sure don't got it

01:09:07You know, Jimmy pretty much did the whole thing to impress me

01:09:10I mean, he's just sort of driven by his love for me

01:09:15And he's so gangly, you know?

01:09:17He's a little thin, I don't know, anyway

01:09:20The McClintocks are well respected in the community

01:09:23And you two have pissed off that community

01:09:26Those god-kissed peaches put this city on the map

01:09:30They said, let's have everything in the safe

01:09:33Well, I handed it to them, they were out the door

01:09:35And I wanted to say, I let you down

01:09:37I didn't give you everything I had in the safe

01:09:40And I was going to run after them

01:09:41And the missus said, no, they made their bed

01:09:44Let them lie in it

01:09:45No, we added that to the insurance

01:09:49Gentlemen, I've gone over your case almost three times

01:09:54And I'm sorry to say, but I don't see any loopholes

01:09:57There's no way around this evidence

01:09:59You're going to be in here for a while

01:10:01Either you were born with the gift or you're not

01:10:04I hate to break it to you, you were born without the gift

01:10:08Oh, sinner man, can't you hear me say

01:10:16Oh, God

01:10:18Oh

01:10:20So you're jealous

01:10:21Yeah

01:10:22You're jealous because I unleashed the music in me

01:10:25Kill me

01:10:27Somebody, anybody, please kill me

01:10:31All right, lights out

01:10:35Beats you

01:10:37Oh, and whose bright idea was it to send those photographs to the police?

01:10:46They knew you were mocking them

01:10:49Yes, I know Virus

01:10:52Yes, we slept together

01:10:54I got it lit

01:10:55Great

01:10:56And yes, that may be me in the picture with him

01:10:59But the money I was counting is my money

01:11:01Money I busted my ass

01:11:02Quit it

01:11:03The money I busted my ass to get

01:11:06I'm not going to bullshit you

01:11:07Quit it

01:11:08I'm sorry

01:11:09You're not sorry

01:11:10You always fucking keep at me and at me

01:11:13You're picking at me

01:11:14I wanted to touch you

01:11:15Just shut up

01:11:16You fucking retard

01:11:17I'm not retarded

01:11:19Look, I'm not

01:11:20You are retarded

01:11:21No, I'm not

01:11:22You are retarded

01:11:23I've got some schooling

01:11:25I've got some schooling

01:11:27Don't lose hope, fellas

01:11:29Because listen, from what I've heard

01:11:31There's a judge in the Fifth Circuit Court

01:11:33Who can maybe get you a lighter sentence

01:11:35Maybe as little as eight years

01:11:40Jimmy and Virus tried to make the best of their incarceration

01:11:43They started a congenial con policy

01:11:45And tried to meet at least one new felon a day

01:11:48With this new approach, they met arsonists

01:11:50Armed robbers

01:11:51And even some interesting murderers

01:11:53Hey, are you Harold Gag?

01:11:56Who wants to know?

01:11:58My name's Jimmy

01:11:59Oh, you and your buddy Rob McClintock's

01:12:03Yeah

01:12:04That took balls

01:12:06Yeah

01:12:09Say, Harold

01:12:10Uh

01:12:11What if I ask you a question?

01:12:13No

01:12:14I didn't kill my grandma

01:12:17You know, I talked a lot about it

01:12:19I even write about it in my journal

01:12:21But that's because that's what I am

01:12:23A writer, not a killer

01:12:25Now that I'm in here, I can write all I want

01:12:29Pass the time, I do a bit of reading, too

01:12:32I read

01:12:33I'm a reader

01:12:38You look like Joe Perry from Aerosmith

01:12:44Uh

01:12:45What kind of stuff you read?

01:12:47You know, I like to read a lot of books about, you know

01:12:49Leadership and free thinking

01:12:52They taught me to realize just what I am, you know

01:12:55Yeah, I do know

01:12:56Yeah

01:12:57I mean, it's your life, you want to live it on your terms, right?

01:12:59Yeah, I think of myself as a sure thinker, you know

01:13:02A leader, you know

01:13:05My grandma, though, man

01:13:06She was always telling me what to do, you know

01:13:08I hated that

01:13:09I don't like people telling me what to do

01:13:10I'm the same way

01:13:11Finally, I meet somebody who gets it

01:13:13Yeah, because I'm a leader, not a follower

01:13:15I don't follow

01:13:16I don't follow

01:13:17I lead

01:13:18I'm the same way

01:13:20Did I kill my grandma?

01:13:23No, I didn't kill her, man

01:13:25Oh, man

01:13:26But sometimes she just wouldn't let up, you know

01:13:29Followed me around the house like a parrot on my shoulder, you know

01:13:32Into my ear every five minutes, you know

01:13:34Don't forget to dot your I's

01:13:36Don't forget to cross your T's, you know

01:13:38She'd jump on a vein and suck it dry, you know what I'm saying?

01:13:41Over and over

01:13:44Tomato dumplings, man

01:13:47Why would it...

01:13:49Why would any woman get up in the morning and decide that I like tomato dumplings?

01:13:53What's up with that?

01:13:54I never even knew what one was until it showed up on my plate, huh?

01:13:57What kind of sick game is she playing, huh?

01:14:00No, I didn't kill her

01:14:01You know what? Whoever did kill her, man

01:14:03They were right on, man

01:14:05See this journal?

01:14:07This journal's my escape

01:14:08This journal's my way out, huh?

01:14:10The only way to keep my head clear

01:14:12is to write short stories about corking up her mouth hole, huh?

01:14:24What are you working on now?

01:14:26Oh, it's a short story about my brother's wife

01:14:29It's called You and Your Goddamn Pies

01:14:32Okay, I'm gonna step off for a minute

01:14:35I gotta get going

01:14:36Uh, Harold, I want you to have a very nice day

01:14:39It's supposed to rain

01:14:40Hey

01:14:43You know, Hitler was a leader

01:14:46Okay

01:14:48Are we rolling?

01:14:49Okay, uh...

01:14:50Hey, Jimmy!

01:14:52Jimmy!

01:14:53Pay attention!

01:14:54Okay, I want to ask you a question

01:14:56What?

01:14:57What were you thinking?

01:15:00What are you...

01:15:01Look, you know

01:15:03We weren't waiting around for any handouts, if that's what you mean

01:15:06You know, we saw what we wanted

01:15:07and we went out and took it

01:15:08That's what makes America, America

01:15:11You see something you want

01:15:12and you figure out how to get it

01:15:14And I did what I did

01:15:17I didn't like people telling me what to do

01:15:19Hey, Jimmy, break's over

01:15:21You got a prison to paint, let's go

01:15:24Well, you know

01:15:26Looking back on it now, I suppose...

01:15:29I suppose I do some things differently

01:15:33You know, I don't even know if I'd do it again

01:15:55What do you want?

01:15:58Well, I wanted to see you

01:15:59And I figured you'd want to see me, too

01:16:01Why would I want to see you?

01:16:05Because, you know, you told me to get my shit together

01:16:07and I have

01:16:08You've been here five months

01:16:09You're in jail

01:16:10I don't call that getting your shit together

01:16:14I'm a professional

01:16:17And I wrote you a poem

01:16:20Oh, no, don't

01:16:21You're not going to read it, are you?

01:16:22Jimmy, Jimmy

01:16:23You have sunk to new depths, Jimmy

01:16:25Jimmy, if you read that

01:16:26we are both going to be so embarrassed, okay?

01:16:30No, we won't

01:16:31Yes, I will

01:16:32So, if you want to give me something

01:16:34just make me a license plate or something

01:16:38Hi, Miranda

01:16:40Hi, Jimmy Cookie

01:16:44Poor sweet thing

01:16:46I've put you through so much

01:16:48I want nothing more than just to feel your touch

01:16:51Please don't do this, Jimmy

01:16:52Jimmy, please

01:16:53When I'm thinking of you and my heart is breaking

01:16:57They tell me to shut up, get back to raking

01:17:00Oh, God

01:17:03So, for the state in my filth I've wallowed

01:17:07And for you, my love, my pride

01:17:10I've swallowed

01:17:12Okay, that's, that's just darling

01:17:14I think this can't be true

01:17:16I shouldn't be here

01:17:18I should be at home

01:17:20Protecting you

01:17:23But I'm not

01:17:26Oh, my God, I got to get out of here

01:17:27Card

01:17:29Thanks for listening and making the long drive

01:17:31I really appreciate it

01:17:32Careful on the drive home

01:17:34People are nuts out there

01:17:43Okay

01:17:45I love you

01:17:47This summer, virus comes over

01:17:48and he's, like, helping me paint the kitchen, right?

01:17:50And, um, Jimmy gets in his head

01:17:53that, uh, I want to sleep with virus

01:17:55which would fucking kill virus, right?

01:17:57I mean, he, he's just so pathetic

01:18:04Hey, virus

01:18:06Virus

01:18:08Can you help me out here?

01:18:09There's, uh, something I'm not clear on

01:18:11Let's hear it

01:18:13Was that me that was always thinking about us getting caught?

01:18:15Or was I the one who said, if you think it, it'll happen?

01:18:18Because, uh, I remember hearing it

01:18:21I just don't remember if that was me saying it to you

01:18:23or you saying it to me

01:18:25Oh, right, right

01:18:27Now I remember, right, right

01:18:29I was the one who said, nothing exists

01:18:31Thinking makes it so

01:18:32You were the one who kept willing us to get caught

01:18:36That's right

01:18:37Now I got it, right

01:18:39And did we get caught?

01:18:41I forget

01:18:43Sure, sure we did, right

01:18:46Right, we're, we're raking

01:18:48because we have to

01:18:50not because we enjoy it, right

01:18:52We're in prison right now, that's right

01:18:55So, I was right

01:18:57and you got us caught, right?

01:19:00That's right

01:19:01Okay, right

01:19:04Hey, virus

01:19:05Do me a favor, would ya?

01:19:07Do not think about us dying a slow, painful death in prison, okay?

01:19:11And above all, don't think about what's in your heart of hearts

01:19:15Your hearts!

01:19:16Because that's for us getting caught, Liz

01:19:19Admit it, rockstar, you got us caught

01:19:24Yeah, I guess so

01:19:27Oh, what's that, son?

01:19:29I, I can't hear you

01:19:30What are you deaf, son?

01:19:32No, I'm not deaf

01:19:33I was just thinking

01:19:35about fucking Miranda

01:19:37You asshole!

01:19:39I'm kidding, I was kidding, I was kidding

01:19:41I'm kidding

01:19:46That's right, that's right

01:19:47The only thing that kept Jimmy going

01:19:49was blaming virus for jinxing them

01:19:51and to get out by any means possible

01:19:53escape if necessary

01:19:55Just a couple of cons

01:19:56and sweep them

01:19:57Don't want no trouble here, boss

01:19:58because I'm just a sweeper

01:20:00Look at all the trash

01:20:03You ready?

01:20:04I'm ready

01:20:06I'm ready, man

01:20:10Get set

01:20:12Go!

01:20:16Not yet!

01:20:33You, you said

01:20:35it wasn't electrified?

01:20:39I was kidding

01:20:41I was kidding

01:20:46What?

01:20:51I'm not gonna bullshit you

01:20:53I don't have the time

01:20:54and if you fucking touch me

01:20:56and you don't have the film

01:20:58but if you need some

01:20:59I can hook you up

01:21:02Not good film, though

01:21:03It's really cheap film

01:21:05Yeah, take it from a retard

01:21:06Cheap

01:21:07He knows about film quality

01:21:08I do

01:21:10I'm a savant

01:21:13There you go, make a wish

01:21:18Nah, I still got the fucking eye

01:21:20Yeah, I was there

01:21:21I'm really glad those guys

01:21:22robbed McClintock's

01:21:24As far as I'm concerned

01:21:25those boys did a service

01:21:26to the community

01:21:27Those boys are heroes

01:21:30Jimmy and Virus' big day

01:21:31finally arrived

01:21:32Their first meeting

01:21:33in front of the parole board

01:21:35Well, I hope you've learned

01:21:36a few things while you've been here

01:21:38in the last six months

01:21:40Absolutely

01:21:41Sure did

01:21:42All right, I'll take that as a yes

01:21:44Yes

01:21:45Okay

01:21:47And since neither of you

01:21:49actually used any live ammo

01:21:52I suppose we have no choice

01:21:54but to reluctantly

01:21:56return you to society

01:22:00We, uh, never intended

01:22:02to harm anyone

01:22:04We respect that

01:22:05and appreciate your honesty

01:22:06Now, once you go through

01:22:07that door to the outside

01:22:09I don't want to see you

01:22:10back in here again

01:22:13Not while I'm here

01:22:15And I'm going to be here

01:22:17All right, that's all

01:22:20Get up

01:22:22Goodbye

01:22:23Thank you

01:22:31What if they can't find Sean Connery?

01:22:33Then it's considered a forfeit

01:22:35Come on, that doesn't

01:22:36make any sense

01:22:37And I'd pick Churchill, you know

01:22:39Everybody picks some guy

01:22:41they know they can't get

01:22:42That's cheating

01:22:44You're making up these rules

01:22:45as you go along, I think

01:22:47That's your opinion

01:22:48Come on, you're making up the rules

01:22:50Opinion

01:22:51I got you a little something-something

01:22:53What?

01:22:55Thanks

01:22:56Wow!

01:22:57A Mississippi Blue Snorkel Otica

01:23:00Yeah

01:23:01Now these are commemoratives

01:23:02They only made a million of these

01:23:04I was able to track one down

01:23:06I'm going to head in

01:23:08Let her know I'm home

01:23:09Show her this

01:23:11Oh, she's going to love that

01:23:13I get a feeling she is

01:23:15I'll get that

01:23:16All right, take care

01:23:36Is this the right thing?

01:23:37You be strong

01:23:38See you, man

01:23:39Yeah, seriously, it's been fun

01:23:41Had a blast

01:23:42Right back at you

01:23:45Take it easy

01:23:46You too

01:23:47You know we'll do it again

01:23:55Good luck

01:23:57Thanks

01:24:06Bye

01:24:24I told you, Jimmy

01:24:25Get the fuck out of here

01:24:27I'm serious

01:24:29Get out!

01:24:36I'm sorry

01:24:49Oh, I'm just going to look over here

01:24:52I like it

01:24:57So, that's how it got made

01:24:59It might not be the best film in the world

01:25:01But it's my first film, and I got it made

01:25:03I love Frankie and Phil for giving me a chance

01:25:06And of course, my Uncle Lou

01:25:08So if you're someone like me who wants to make a movie

01:25:11Find an Uncle Lou

01:25:12Or better yet, find a bookie who has an auto repair shop

01:25:16Who loves the movie

01:25:19Uncle Lou!

01:25:21We did it

01:25:22Sweetheart, you did it

01:25:26Remember, nobody knows

01:25:34You're killing me here, Phil

01:25:35Uncle Lou, you're like a bank, you always pay off

01:25:37Ha, ha, ha, ha

01:25:39You're killing me, you know that?

01:25:40You're busting my balls

01:25:41Get a good count, get a good count

01:25:42I got the big rush coming, don't worry about it

01:25:44Oh, it's all right

01:25:45I love you anyway

01:25:46Don't touch

01:25:50It's all there

01:25:52I'm sure

01:26:03Sometimes in life, there's questions nobody knows

01:26:07How to explain the things that nobody knows

01:26:12People these days, they play and act like they know

01:26:16But nobody, not even you, bro

01:26:18Nobody knows

01:26:20Sometimes in life, there's questions nobody knows

01:26:25How to explain the things that nobody knows

01:26:29People these days, they play and act like they know

01:26:33But nobody, not even you, bro

01:26:35Nobody knows

01:27:04How to explain the things that nobody knows

01:27:12They may act like they know

01:27:14But it's all for show

01:27:16And the show don't go

01:27:18Too much weight on the nose

01:27:20They may act like they know

01:27:22But it's all for show

01:27:24And the show don't go

01:27:27Nobody knows

01:27:29Sometimes in life, there's questions nobody knows

01:27:34How to explain the things that nobody knows

01:27:38People these days, they play and act like they know

01:27:42But nobody, not even you, bro

01:27:44Nobody knows

01:27:47Sometimes in life, there's questions nobody knows

01:27:51How to explain the things that nobody knows

01:27:55People these days, they play and act like they know

01:27:59But nobody, not even you, bro

Nobody Knows Anything (2003) - Feature

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