- 12 years ago
Comedy (2005) 98 minutes ~ Color
Six reclusive slackers must overcome their personal baggage and unite to avoid eviction from their beloved run-down home. The eclectic group, led by workaholic reporter Nicki, forges a campaign to retaliate against their troublesome landlord but fail to anticipate that the fight to save their home will throw them into a tailspin of emotional and moral confrontation they aren’t prepared to handle. While each tenant has a secret they can't afford to reveal, the house itself holds a secret that ties them together in a way none of them expected.
Director: Stacy Dymalski
Writers: Stacy Dymalski, Zack Van Eyck
Stars: Tod Huntington, Bryce Wagoner, Monique Lanier
Six reclusive slackers must overcome their personal baggage and unite to avoid eviction from their beloved run-down home. The eclectic group, led by workaholic reporter Nicki, forges a campaign to retaliate against their troublesome landlord but fail to anticipate that the fight to save their home will throw them into a tailspin of emotional and moral confrontation they aren’t prepared to handle. While each tenant has a secret they can't afford to reveal, the house itself holds a secret that ties them together in a way none of them expected.
Director: Stacy Dymalski
Writers: Stacy Dymalski, Zack Van Eyck
Stars: Tod Huntington, Bryce Wagoner, Monique Lanier
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Nobody really knows my name, I got too much dance stuff on my brain
00:00:25I got lots of big fat livin' to do, people to piss off, rules to screw
00:00:32Do what you wanna do, playin' who you wanna be
00:00:37It's all the same to me, da-da-da-da-da-da-da
00:00:43It's all the same to me, da-da-da-da-da-da-da
00:00:49I live the dropped out life, I don't need much
00:00:56You're a lazy, crazy woman, out of touch
00:00:59You can say what you want, but hey, I made my peace
00:01:03And now I do whatever the hell I please
00:01:06Well, go ahead, you make your own bed
00:01:09You're gonna see what you wanna see
00:01:12It's all the same to me, da-da-da-da-da-da
00:01:18It's all the same to me, da-da-da-da-da-da-da
00:01:28I like the life here on the fridges
00:01:33I make my way, day to day
00:01:41I'm sure everyone around me kinda cringes
00:01:47I wasn't too concerned about their opinions anyway
00:02:01Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
00:02:17Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
00:02:33Look around, it's easy to see
00:02:36A whole valley of people more messed up than me
00:02:40All up and down, I got skyline points
00:02:42Well, really, it's a big damn toss of the coin
00:02:45It's a tease, there ain't no guarantees
00:02:51It's all the same to me, da-da-da-da-da-da
00:02:57It's all the same to me, da-da-da-da-da-da
00:03:03It's all the same to me
00:03:07It's all the same to me
00:03:15Oh!
00:03:21Funny. Mowing doesn't have that same effect on me.
00:03:24La-La came back in the ninth, and I just hit a five-team, five-hundred-dollar parlay.
00:03:37♪
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00:04:42Catfish?
00:04:45Oh, there has been another death.
00:04:50Give me five minutes.
00:04:53But...
00:04:56Hey!
00:04:58These just came.
00:05:00You mean you did.
00:05:03It's a federal offense, you know.
00:05:06What, jerking off? Can't be.
00:05:09They'd have put you away a long time ago.
00:05:11No, reading other people's mail, fish face.
00:05:13I could have you arrested so fast you'd be making your one phone call yesterday.
00:05:17Did you check out the new babe in apartment five?
00:05:19Don't get too comfy. You're not staying.
00:05:24Who's this? Your dad?
00:05:26That's a newspaper photo, for Christ's sake.
00:05:29Give me that.
00:05:31Looks like shit.
00:05:33What did you do, humiliate him with your incompetence?
00:05:35Shut up and get out.
00:05:45So, uh, I guess dad's not so proud to have a cokehead lawyer for a son, huh?
00:05:54It's an obituary, right?
00:05:57It's retirement, asshole.
00:05:59Not like it's any of your business.
00:06:02Maybe you ought to give old dad a call.
00:06:04See if he can get some new pictures.
00:06:06Maybe it's a little bit more complicated than that.
00:06:09It always is, huh?
00:06:15Oh, by the way, you're welcome.
00:06:17I'll get your mail for you anytime.
00:06:25You want me to clean and gut it for you?
00:06:27How can you be so insensitive?
00:06:29Don't get your panties in the way. It's just a fish.
00:06:54I'm sorry.
00:07:12Another successful burial at sea.
00:07:15Oh, catfish.
00:07:17When will we want to die?
00:07:21How about Wednesday? It's supposed to rain.
00:07:24Sometimes I think I'm gonna be alone.
00:07:29Forever.
00:07:31Okay, so what are we talking about here, Amber?
00:07:34Suicide pact? Double homicide?
00:07:36Hey, maybe we should get Tyson involved. He's probably killed before.
00:07:40No, I think you're missing the whole point.
00:07:43I mean, when do we know when we're fulfilled enough to move on?
00:07:48To, I don't know, the next step.
00:07:52Yeah, I think for you, that would be when you can follow the instructions that came with the fish.
00:08:06I always thought if I had someone, I'd have a purpose.
00:08:10But my first three purposes slept around.
00:08:14My fourth purpose used my life savings for his sex change operation.
00:08:18And my most recent purpose is why I'm hiding out in this seedy apartment with an unlisted number.
00:08:25God, I hate cutting hair.
00:08:28I should have gone to college.
00:08:31Or at least finished junior high.
00:08:34Let's say you got a man, right, and he can make something.
00:08:37Let's say he can make a dresser here or something like that.
00:08:40And he's totally capable of carving and putting this thing together all by himself.
00:08:44But he can't find a market for him on his own. He's only got so many neighbors.
00:08:47So he ends up working in a factory, putting one screw in one corner of a dresser over and over and over and over again.
00:08:54What does he go home and tell his wife?
00:08:56Honey, I put 300 screws in dressers today.
00:08:59It doesn't make them feel good. It's bullshit. Bullshit.
00:09:03Speaking of 300 screws a day, let's take you for example.
00:09:07You know, I can tell that you really put your heart and soul into things.
00:09:10I mean, really, because I was just on the receiving end.
00:09:13I'm willing to bet that you're a victim of this, too.
00:09:15You're probably going to leave here and give another guy a percentage just because he lets you stand on a street corner that he doesn't even own.
00:09:22You know what the difference between labor and work is?
00:09:25Labor is something that you would only do if you got paid for it.
00:09:28Work is something that you would do for free.
00:09:31And you're a working girl, aren't you?
00:09:34You want to go again?
00:09:37Freebie?
00:09:40Hundreds of these types of properties have resold them for thousands of dollars.
00:09:44And there are literally hundreds of thousands of these tax sale properties available everywhere.
00:09:52Hey.
00:09:53Three thousand different counties.
00:09:55Here's a recent list of tax sale properties for just one county in Arizona.
00:10:05Try 26,377 properties.
00:10:11Screw you, asshole!
00:10:14Once I was free, it was the time I was free.
00:10:17Look at this list. This is a list of me and my hour.
00:10:21I know you're cruel and I believe you're a coward.
00:10:35Stanford Business School.
00:10:38What a waste of four years of my life.
00:10:47You got to be shitting me.
00:10:49I got 30 days to get out just because I don't pay my rent?
00:10:52Goddamn capitalist pigs, it's all about the green stuff.
00:10:56Well, I refuse to play that game.
00:10:58In fact, I refuse to even recognize this letter.
00:11:01I'll join the millions of Americans living in denial.
00:11:05I've always wanted to belong.
00:11:10What a good weekend for you, Bert.
00:11:13Bookmakers are starting to wonder how you can be so lucky.
00:11:16Been on a hot streak ever since I moved into this place.
00:11:19Want a bowl?
00:11:21You got to be careful, Bert. Money will burn you.
00:11:24You either don't have enough or you got more than your fair share.
00:11:32I'm sorry.
00:11:33I don't know how to thank you for everything.
00:11:36I'm sorry.
00:11:37I'm sorry.
00:11:38I'm sorry.
00:11:39I'm sorry.
00:11:40I'm sorry.
00:11:41I'm sorry.
00:11:42I'm sorry.
00:11:43I'm sorry.
00:11:44I'm sorry.
00:11:45I'm sorry.
00:11:46I'm sorry.
00:11:47I'm sorry.
00:11:48I'm sorry.
00:11:49I'm sorry.
00:11:54Oh, Christ, I thought it was just me.
00:11:57They're turning this place into a massage parlor?
00:12:03It's a good spot for one.
00:12:05I'm not moving.
00:12:13This is going to kill Ivana.
00:12:15I mean, this place, it's...
00:12:19It's a little harsh, you know?
00:12:23You could have bought this dump a long time ago
00:12:25if you had decided to just stay with your gift.
00:12:29Running past receivers, intercepting the ball.
00:12:32Jesus, Bert, rookie of the year, one minute and then the next.
00:12:37How could you give that up?
00:12:39It's easy when you know you're training up for something better.
00:12:44Yeah, well, you don't need this place.
00:12:47I know where you go.
00:12:49Right.
00:12:50Like, I'm going to take advice from a lonely man who's given up before he's 30.
00:12:53Hey, alone.
00:12:54I'm not lonely.
00:12:55There's a difference.
00:12:57I haven't given up, all right?
00:12:58I've taken control.
00:13:00Well, look at you, huh?
00:13:02Oh, your whole life revolves around Lovato.
00:13:04You're watering her plants, taking care of her yard.
00:13:07You're cleaning up her place, making sure it's...
00:13:10You ever think what it would be like to be able to do whatever you want?
00:13:16Have the freedom to screw up with none of the responsibility?
00:13:22You don't need to be free to screw up.
00:13:25People with responsibilities do it all the time.
00:13:29Well, now, you have a lot to give.
00:13:33You put your hands in the air.
00:13:36And you go in there.
00:13:38Well, now, you have a lot to give.
00:13:57Look, man, I was here first, and for future reference, this is my dumpster.
00:14:06Your dumpster?
00:14:07Yep.
00:14:08That's impressive, man.
00:14:10Are your principles really that important that they're worth suffering for?
00:14:16Huh?
00:14:17Do you have to pretend you have no emotional needs, or is it just dumbass arrogance over
00:14:21common sense?
00:14:23Man, who are you?
00:14:25Who are you?
00:14:56How am I ever going to keep a man if I can't even keep a fish?
00:15:24Maybe I should quit looking for purpose outside myself.
00:15:29Maybe I should consider motherhood.
00:15:33That could really work out well.
00:15:37Well, I'll be gone in 30 days, and I'll never have to see any of them again.
00:15:43Okay, question is, which one would make the best donor?
00:15:47Tyson?
00:15:48Ugh, gross.
00:15:49Catfish?
00:15:50Ugh, he's such an emotional white, I'll probably end up marrying him.
00:15:56Bert?
00:15:57Yes, he's married, so he'd have to keep it a secret.
00:16:02I just wish I could guarantee I'll have a girl.
00:16:06Ugh, men are such pricks.
00:16:09We haven't met yet.
00:16:10I'm Nicole Baker.
00:16:11You a new neighbor?
00:16:13Is it Humper?
00:16:14It's Hoomper.
00:16:15Two O's.
00:16:16Oh.
00:16:17That's just one.
00:16:18Oh.
00:16:19So, um, why do you live on this side of town?
00:16:20Why do you, Miss Nicole?
00:16:21Oh, well, I just got a job at the paper.
00:16:22It's really good pay after a few years, but I'm starting at the bottom.
00:16:23Some never get off the bottom.
00:16:24They would if they knew how to turn the page.
00:16:25Can I call you Humper?
00:16:26No, you may not.
00:16:27Well, then how about...
00:16:28Humper.
00:16:29Humper.
00:16:30Humper.
00:16:31Humper.
00:16:32Humper.
00:16:33Humper.
00:16:34Humper.
00:16:35Humper.
00:16:36Humper.
00:16:37Humper.
00:16:38Humper.
00:16:39Humper.
00:16:40Humper.
00:16:41Humper.
00:16:42Humper.
00:16:43Humper.
00:16:44Humper.
00:16:45Humper.
00:16:46Humper.
00:16:49Why don't you and Humper go tie...tie me up?
00:17:08Well, Miss Nicole, it doesn't look like we're neighbors for long.
00:17:11My brother came down from Seattle to help me move.
00:17:13I can't ask him to...
00:17:14That's it, I'm going to City Hall, contact an attorney, massage parlor, it's a good place for it, but I'm not moving
00:17:27Well it doesn't look like we really have a choice
00:17:35But we do have a choice, that's why I called you all down here together
00:17:39There's strength in numbers, if we're united we can beat this
00:17:44You know what, Nikki's right, my senior year in college we reversed a major administrative decision that affected the entire student body
00:17:52Getting the sanitation department to offer two types of condoms is not in the major legislation
00:17:59It's for the camera, Humber
00:18:02It's who proficies
00:18:04Ty's taping the meeting for evidence
00:18:06Evidence of what?
00:18:08Danger, Jesus man, do you bathe?
00:18:10Oh no, no, no, wait, that would imply conformity or lack of individual freedom
00:18:15Hey!
00:18:16Hey, hey, hey boys, let's put them back in their pants and behave, okay?
00:18:21So, your wife mentioned something about a source of money that we aren't aware of
00:18:26She was in a hurry so I didn't get the complete story
00:18:28You sold Lovato?
00:18:32Yeah
00:18:34When?
00:18:35Last night, we both got in at the same time and I...
00:18:37Where?
00:18:39On the porch, didn't she come in last night after we...
00:18:43Um, anyway, she seems to think that we can buy our way out of this
00:18:53What are you looking at me for?
00:18:55You played pro football for four years, where'd all that go?
00:19:00None of your business
00:19:03Oh, I get it, you and the wife got into a little, uh...
00:19:08Little...
00:19:10Woa!
00:19:12Let him go!
00:19:14Let him go!
00:19:16Let him go!
00:19:28This seat taken?
00:19:30It's a free country, do what you want.
00:19:32Yeah, I tried that once.
00:19:33Got me arrested.
00:19:37So what's the deal with Bert and LaVonna?
00:19:40Isn't it obvious?
00:19:41Um, no.
00:19:45She engages in, uh, extracurricular activities.
00:19:54And it ain't with Bert.
00:19:57No way.
00:19:59As devoted as he is, she's got to know he's a catch.
00:20:04Yeah, shortly after they moved in, she got a job in sales.
00:20:07Was gone for days at a time, coming home
00:20:09at all hours of the night.
00:20:11Most of the tenants here wouldn't know her
00:20:13if she snuck up behind him and said, boo.
00:20:16So?
00:20:18So you saw how he got when he found out
00:20:21that you were with her.
00:20:22Bert doesn't know what his wife is up to.
00:20:26And it's killing him.
00:20:29No, thanks.
00:20:31I think we should get back in there.
00:20:34Yeah, right.
00:20:35We'll go in there and save our sorry asses,
00:20:37and then we'll all go ride the roller
00:20:38coaster to celebrate, right?
00:20:41Are you always this cynical?
00:20:43Actually, no, you kind of caught me at a tender moment.
00:20:46Cooperation is key.
00:20:48Everyone can bring something to the table.
00:20:50Collectively, we are unstoppable.
00:20:52You think so?
00:20:54Let's take a look at this for a minute.
00:20:55Tyson's an asshole.
00:20:57Bert needs to spend a little more quality
00:20:59time with the wife.
00:21:00Amber fears intimacy, not to mention sunlight.
00:21:03You look hot in those pants, and we're all
00:21:04out on our asses in 26 days.
00:21:08You're right.
00:21:09We're a brilliant bunch of coconuts.
00:21:11Ugh.
00:21:13Meeting adjourned.
00:21:15What are you doing?
00:21:37I'm a married man.
00:21:39I know, but you didn't resist, so I thought you'd.
00:21:45I'm all right for the moment.
00:21:48Thanks for stopping by.
00:21:51Why can't I find a man to have sex with?
00:21:56Maybe I'm a lesbian.
00:21:58Nikki's sexy.
00:22:00She's kind of domineering like a man.
00:22:02She smells good, too.
00:22:05LaVonna doesn't smell at all.
00:22:08There's no law that says you can't have a baby
00:22:10if you're a lesbian, except in Utah.
00:22:14Really?
00:22:16I know it's a prestigious assignment,
00:22:18but I really want to work the police beat.
00:22:23The criminal mind is just so intriguing to me.
00:22:27Did you know that there are actually women who marry inmates
00:22:31just so they can have sex behind bars?
00:22:34Now that would make a good story.
00:22:38Grandma?
00:23:14Grandma?
00:23:24They say confession is good for the soul,
00:23:26so let's see if they're right.
00:23:40Now my that board that I have to play
00:23:43with the furniture every night.
00:23:45I mean, Jesus Christ, what was I thinking?
00:23:56And what the hell is that?
00:24:02I got scrambled messages from my even more scrambled brain,
00:24:05or am I just losing it?
00:24:07What?
00:24:09I got the most wanted murderer file from Detective Fink.
00:24:12My deadline is when?
00:24:15Oh, and about that other assignment,
00:24:17do I really have to go door to door
00:24:19and ask people if they've seen a criminal who moves furniture
00:24:22but steals nothing?
00:24:25Fine, and you'll nominate me for the Pulitzer, right?
00:24:28Uh-huh.
00:24:28OK, bye, Hal.
00:24:30Editors, I couldn't please them if I made everything
00:24:33Ah!
00:24:34Ah!
00:24:36Oh, you've taken up the nose and you've blown up the ass!
00:24:40That Tarzan has been called a hard bastard.
00:24:43Look at me!
00:24:44Why can't you help a brother out?
00:24:46Oh!
00:24:47No wonder his father can't stand the sight of him.
00:24:49What?
00:24:50I'll show you my prescription.
00:24:51Oh, my god!
00:24:53Oh, my god!
00:24:56Oh, my god!
00:24:59Oh, my god!
00:25:01his father can't stand the sight of him.
00:25:32I went home with this couple I met at a bar.
00:25:35And another night in Colorado City, I did it with a polygamist and two of his wives.
00:25:43Where do you find these people?
00:25:46I took out an ad in the Rocky Mountain Statement.
00:25:50Bi, female, Sikhs, adventurous couple for fun and games or some bullshit like that.
00:25:58I had no idea.
00:26:01Don't tell the guys, okay?
00:26:04Catfish already has enough gas in his tank and Tyson will.
00:26:07Let's just say with all the dirty magazines he reads, he's probably impotent.
00:26:15Do you like them?
00:26:18I get compliments on them all the time.
00:26:32Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:26:48What's with the Olympic Geek team?
00:26:51They're my brothers.
00:26:53Oh yeah?
00:26:55I have five brothers.
00:26:57My father procreated more than law should allow.
00:27:02Tyson.
00:27:06What if I ripped your pants off and had sex with you right now?
00:27:12Well, what about those scissors? Where would they be?
00:27:15No, no, no. Focus, focus, focus. Sex with me.
00:27:18On the one condition that once we're evicted, we never have to see each other again.
00:27:24Okay.
00:27:25Okay.
00:27:26You win.
00:27:31You win.
00:27:39What's Tyson's story?
00:27:42Is that macho attitude just to cover up the fact that he's gay?
00:27:47Tyson.
00:27:49Oh, man.
00:27:51Look, Tyson may be a lot of things, most of which I hate,
00:27:55but I'm pretty sure when push comes to shove, he's pushing and shoving the ladies.
00:27:58Tyson.
00:28:00Don't you have someplace you need to be?
00:28:04No, right now I need to be here with you.
00:28:07No, no. God, no.
00:28:10Don't worry about it. I'm not going to stalk you just because you don't stay for breakfast.
00:28:15Well, I'm not big on bacon and eggs, but you can make me a sandwich.
00:28:19Excuse me?
00:28:21Well, this is nice.
00:28:24We never get a chance to talk.
00:28:25Every time I open up my mouth, I'm afraid you're going to cut off my ear.
00:28:34You know, this eviction has made me realize that, um...
00:28:38I have to own up to some things that I'm not so proud of, and...
00:28:42I just...
00:28:45Post-coital commentary?
00:28:48Not part of the deal. Okay, honey?
00:28:50It's time for you to go. Go!
00:28:56Well, that went well.
00:29:09That kind of looks familiar.
00:29:15First-degree murder. They'll fry him for sure when he's caught.
00:29:19What if he's innocent?
00:29:21If he's not guilty of murder, he's probably guilty of something else.
00:29:25You know, things are not always what they seem.
00:29:28I mean, take me. I may look all Don Quixote, but inside I'm all Don Juan.
00:29:34Are you hitting on me?
00:29:36What if I was?
00:29:39If these are your best moves, Lord help you.
00:29:44Well, no. I mean...
00:29:53What are you doing?
00:29:55Like 100? 200?
00:29:59Well, what's it gonna take to get you stripped and lubed?
00:30:02Get the hell out of here!
00:30:04All right, 500, but only because you have truly exceptional tits.
00:30:07Oh, my God!
00:30:08Ow! Ow!
00:30:21It's a good thing I was already lying down.
00:30:23You want to bet $25,000 on a five-team parlor?
00:30:27Of course, one afternoon I can make enough money to buy everyone's happiness.
00:30:31Getting us hookers, Bert?
00:30:33No. The house.
00:30:35You're going to risk everything to buy this house?
00:30:41Well, they're not taking me.
00:30:43I'm kind of looking forward to the final showdown when they bring in the wrecking ball and I'm chained to the toilet.
00:30:48You got a toilet? Does it work?
00:30:50It's football. I can't lose.
00:30:53I buy the house. We all get to stay.
00:30:57LaVonna thinks I'm a hero again.
00:31:00Hey.
00:31:02You raise the rent on me, I'll kick a field goal right up your ass.
00:31:07And I promise to never raise your rent.
00:31:10Oh.
00:31:12Do you want a hit?
00:31:14No.
00:31:15Well, how can I thank you, then? Would you, um...
00:31:17I could give you free haircuts or I could, um...
00:31:21give you another massage.
00:31:24I could give LaVonna a massage. I could do you both at the same time.
00:31:28Amber, this isn't going to be a Swedish massage parlor.
00:31:33Nor is it ever going to be.
00:31:35And that's the plan.
00:31:37Hold that.
00:31:39Hold that.
00:31:41At least let me show you my, um...
00:31:43At least let me show you my, um...
00:31:46gratitude.
00:31:51Maybe just one hit.
00:32:13My birth name big on the front.
00:32:20There you go, shaming me for your ideology.
00:32:24As you try to put me back here in my place.
00:32:44Well, aren't you good at finding things?
00:32:47Yeah, well, timing is everything.
00:32:49That and knowing where to look.
00:32:51Timing means nothing to me now.
00:32:53And yet, some things are more apparent.
00:32:56Like how hungry you are?
00:32:58Like what really feeds a soul, brother.
00:33:00It's all about people and how you interact with them.
00:33:02It's all God really is, you know.
00:33:04Other people.
00:33:06Which other people?
00:33:07All of them.
00:33:08Little God's on earth.
00:33:09Each with divine powers they don't even know about.
00:33:11Instead, they ascribe him to some mythical father figure.
00:33:13But that God...
00:33:16doesn't exist.
00:33:19Man, where'd you get that crap?
00:33:21Had an accident.
00:33:23Now I can see.
00:33:25Really see.
00:33:28Like what, my underwear through my clothes?
00:33:33All right, fine.
00:33:35Is Kurt Cobain really dead?
00:33:36Why don't you ask me something about yourself, man?
00:33:38Like, like, what's your life's purpose?
00:33:40All right, fine, Nostradamus.
00:33:42What's my life's purpose?
00:33:43No idea.
00:33:46Some street prophet you are, huh?
00:33:50Listen to me, brother.
00:33:52When the fish leaps into the water,
00:33:54waves of green will splash upon the one
00:33:57who will open the door to freedom.
00:34:02All right.
00:34:04Good.
00:34:05Oh, hey, hey, hey, man.
00:34:06Hey, hang on.
00:34:08I got one for you.
00:34:10It says,
00:34:11do not close the door on a stranger's advice.
00:34:13Do not close the door on a stranger's advice.
00:34:43Do not close the door on a stranger's advice.
00:35:13Do not close the door on a stranger's advice.
00:35:31Oh, God, I can't believe my entire future
00:35:34boils down to a stupid inning of a football game.
00:35:38Everything is riding on this play.
00:35:40Usually, I love football.
00:35:42It's so raw and so sexual.
00:35:45But today, I hate it.
00:35:48Okay, Bert, here it is.
00:35:50The $250,000 pass.
00:35:56Yeah!
00:35:58Oh!
00:35:59Oh, man!
00:36:01Bert!
00:36:03Oh, you're either a genius or a lucky son of a bitch.
00:36:06You did it, Bert.
00:36:07We did it.
00:36:08We did it.
00:36:10Oh, man, hey.
00:36:12Congratulations, brother.
00:36:13Oh, thank God.
00:36:15Thank God.
00:36:17Okay, hey, man.
00:36:18I'm gonna go grab some more beer.
00:36:19Holy crap!
00:36:20What?
00:36:24He missed the extra point.
00:36:28We needed to win by three.
00:36:38Lana?
00:36:54Lana?
00:37:08Lana?
00:37:22Hi.
00:37:26I...
00:37:27Whoa.
00:37:29I don't know what to say.
00:37:32I thought you just wanted to screw me once.
00:37:36I did.
00:37:37Without just having sex with...
00:37:39For the first time.
00:37:41What do you mean, for the first time?
00:37:42That's likely.
00:37:43All of that will explain why you have the stamina of a neck-timer.
00:37:48No, you didn't want me finished.
00:37:49I mean, with having sex...
00:37:52For the first time with the woman...
00:37:56That I love.
00:37:58Oh, oh!
00:38:01Would you hold these, please?
00:38:04Hold that.
00:38:05What?
00:38:07Hold this.
00:38:23If you liked me in that way,
00:38:26why didn't you just ask me out?
00:38:30Because you did seem to be afraid of crowds.
00:38:32Neither of us had a car,
00:38:33and most restaurants make you check the bong in at the door.
00:38:37Oh.
00:38:38Oh.
00:38:39Okay, like you're perfect?
00:38:40Okay, you're mean to everybody.
00:38:43You're obsessed.
00:38:44Obsessed with pornography.
00:38:46Everything you earn goes up your nose.
00:38:48You have no friends.
00:38:50I have never,
00:38:51ever seen you with a woman.
00:38:54You're always leering at my breasts.
00:38:57And worst of all, you're an attorney.
00:39:00I prefer the word admire.
00:39:02I admire your breasts.
00:39:05I don't want admiration.
00:39:06I want reliability.
00:39:09I've never been late for a haircut.
00:39:12You agreed.
00:39:13You agreed it was a one-time thing.
00:39:22It's that fish head, isn't it?
00:39:24What?
00:39:25Catfish.
00:39:26You're obviously torn between the both of us.
00:39:30Oh, Jesus.
00:39:31Do I have to make everything so complicated?
00:39:35Go ahead and hide in your cannabis garden.
00:39:38The moment that somebody tries to open up to you,
00:39:40you jump ship.
00:39:42I do not.
00:39:43You do too.
00:39:44I do not.
00:39:49Okay.
00:39:51Okay.
00:39:56What would you like to talk about?
00:39:59Forget about it.
00:40:01It'd be just my luck a reclusive psycho
00:40:04knocks me up on the first try.
00:40:07Transiting Jupiter in the fifth house.
00:40:11Conception is practically guaranteed.
00:40:13God, I am screwed.
00:40:15Unless I get screwed again in a hurry.
00:40:17That way, it'll be theoretically possible
00:40:20that my child isn't Tyson's.
00:40:24Catfish.
00:40:28I know you're in there.
00:40:29I know you're in there.
00:40:30Hey.
00:40:33Hey, Amber.
00:40:34Hey.
00:40:35Is he home?
00:40:37Apparently not.
00:40:45I have something to tell you.
00:40:48Okay.
00:40:52And to everyone.
00:40:54Pupon left me.
00:41:08It's okay.
00:41:09It's okay.
00:41:23It's okay.
00:41:24It's okay.
00:41:27It's okay.
00:41:29It's okay.
00:41:52I'm sorry.
00:41:53I didn't mean to wake you.
00:41:56It's okay.
00:41:58Well, but since you're awake,
00:42:00and I'm awake,
00:42:04maybe this would be a good time to chat.
00:42:14It's been a tough day for you,
00:42:16and I want you to know that
00:42:18I'm here for you in case you need anything.
00:42:24No.
00:42:25It's all right.
00:42:29Well,
00:42:31there is one thing.
00:42:33What?
00:42:36It's just that...
00:42:38What?
00:42:40I don't understand how you spend a hundred bucks on a tune-up
00:42:43and then more takes on a leak two weeks later.
00:42:49Yeah.
00:42:50Speaking of taking a leak...
00:42:59No.
00:43:11Come on, guys.
00:43:13Paddle.
00:43:29Pupon,
00:43:33I'm so sorry for what I did tonight.
00:43:40I know how this looks, and
00:43:45the truth is that I'll never stop loving you.
00:43:54Realizing I blew it with you,
00:43:56realizing I blew it with Nikki,
00:43:58I spent the night in a bar reading poetry
00:44:01and came to a conclusion.
00:44:09The most successful lovers in history were hopeless romantics.
00:44:13I've been accused of being hopeless,
00:44:15so I'm halfway there.
00:44:19Bert surprised me.
00:44:21There were no fireworks,
00:44:23no poetry,
00:44:24not even a cigarette afterward.
00:44:28Just the longest continual orgasm
00:44:31any woman has experienced in recorded history.
00:44:54The walls we build around us, yeah, it's true.
00:44:59It's a force you can't debate.
00:45:04Even though he's not much older than I am,
00:45:06I think of Bert like a father,
00:45:08the way he dotes over this place.
00:45:13Maybe Dumpster Dude is right.
00:45:15We're all little gods fighting for control in a universe that rewards selfishness.
00:45:20Take greed and competition out of the equation
00:45:23and maybe love's got a chance.
00:45:28Oh, it's you.
00:45:29Nikki.
00:45:32I must bare my soul to you.
00:45:34I have to cleanse the sins of my yearning heart
00:45:36and the naked passion of your burgeoning, boundless stream of...
00:45:42Give it a rest, fish head.
00:45:44Nikki, I am totally infatuated with you.
00:45:46In fact, I want to make love to you right now.
00:45:49As soon as you brush your teeth.
00:45:51Look, I might even go so far as to say that I'm in love with you
00:45:54and if you want to get married and have kids, well,
00:45:59I'd strongly consider that.
00:46:01I guess that means you're not leaving.
00:46:04Grab a plate.
00:46:05I don't like eating in front of people.
00:46:08You only ever eat half of what you order.
00:46:10Just another one of those little quirks I love about you.
00:46:12Fish head.
00:46:13Come here, catfish.
00:46:14Okay.
00:46:15It would never work.
00:46:17I have a job.
00:46:18You have an attitude.
00:46:20But I've been pining away for you since you moved in.
00:46:22I set my alarm so I can watch you come and go.
00:46:25You know, I read your letters over and over again.
00:46:27What letters? I've never written you.
00:46:29Letters on your mailbox.
00:46:30N-I-C-O-L-E-O-B-A-K-E-R.
00:46:32Just read them over and over again.
00:46:34Change strange to scary.
00:46:40Nikki, be my goddess.
00:46:44Make me whole.
00:46:45Be the light in my heart.
00:46:48You are such a man.
00:46:50You think that flowery talk is a sure way to get laid?
00:46:53Well, here's a newsflash for you, Shakespeare.
00:46:55Women aren't stupid.
00:46:57We know when you're not being sincere.
00:47:07So are you to my thoughts,
00:47:09as food to life,
00:47:11or as sweet-seasoned showers are to the ground,
00:47:15and for the peace of you,
00:47:17I hold such strife,
00:47:19as twixt a miser and his wealth is found.
00:47:26Fine.
00:47:27If it'll shut you up, I'll love you.
00:47:30And then I want your ass out of here, okay?
00:47:32By the way, how are you about role-playing?
00:47:35Excuse me?
00:47:36I recently found out that I'm very good
00:47:38at pretending to be somebody that I'm not,
00:47:40especially during the throes of passion.
00:47:42But wait, no, wait, wait.
00:47:43I don't want somebody else.
00:47:45I want you.
00:47:46Yeah, right.
00:47:49You're serious, aren't you?
00:47:56Yeah, but I'm flexible.
00:47:59Who did you want to be?
00:48:05You have to do that now.
00:48:07Yes.
00:48:09Come on.
00:48:11Come on.
00:48:12Even my regular ladies of the evening
00:48:13usually throw in a little cuddling.
00:48:17It was just sex.
00:48:18Don't be so clingy.
00:48:21Yeah, but it was good sex, wasn't it?
00:48:24I guess.
00:48:25Listen, on your way out,
00:48:26which will be soon,
00:48:27could you toss me the paper as you leave?
00:48:31I doubt I made the news.
00:48:32Probably should have.
00:48:34Maybe the obituaries.
00:48:35I could experience more energy out of a dead battery.
00:48:38You expected me to do everything.
00:48:42I was trying to be patient.
00:48:45I thought you chicks dug that sensitive shit.
00:48:49Face it, you're just too wimpy for me.
00:48:52Didn't that ring any bells
00:48:53when I kept calling out,
00:48:54Tyson, Tyson?
00:48:58That's what was part of the game.
00:49:09Response, 1700 block.
00:49:11Report of cattle falling from the sky.
00:49:13Utter chaos.
00:49:14Time out, 10-16.
00:49:21He took one of my journals and fled.
00:49:24And it was an old one,
00:49:25back when I had this really big crush on Catfish.
00:49:29God, I mean, I don't really care if I get it back,
00:49:32but please, please, please, please, please, please, please,
00:49:36I don't really care if I get it back,
00:49:37but still, I'd prefer if all that crap wasn't out there
00:49:40among all the bombs circulating all over the neighborhood.
00:49:45You have a right to be upset.
00:49:47I mean, a complete stranger broke into your apartment.
00:49:51I don't know if he qualifies as a complete stranger,
00:49:54because I've seen him a couple times
00:49:55going through the dumpster,
00:49:57but then the next thing you know,
00:49:59he's moving my furniture.
00:50:01I mean, did he really think
00:50:02that he could steal a dresser all by himself?
00:50:05He must be mental or something.
00:50:08Where did he go?
00:50:10I don't know.
00:50:11I ran out and called the police from Burt's,
00:50:14and then when I get back, he's gone.
00:50:18It must be that wacko
00:50:19that the paper wants me to keep writing about.
00:50:21There's not a night that goes by
00:50:22that Dispatch doesn't get a call about him.
00:50:24It's always in this neighborhood.
00:50:27Then it's just plain creepy.
00:50:29Why would someone break in and not steal anything?
00:50:32He did steal something.
00:50:34My diary!
00:50:36Oh, that's right.
00:50:42Oh, my God!
00:50:44What?
00:50:50What are you doing?
00:51:00Oh, God.
00:51:01It's still here.
00:51:03What's still here?
00:51:09I've been waiting for a very special moment
00:51:11to share something with you.
00:51:13I almost said something about it last night.
00:51:16Oh, Nikki.
00:51:19The kiss?
00:51:20See, for me, it just...
00:51:22Ta-da!
00:51:24What's that?
00:51:25I've been writing a book.
00:51:27Oh.
00:51:28It's a poignant story
00:51:29about how I feel about life
00:51:31since I left Pocatello.
00:51:34And you're giving it to me because...
00:51:37Because I want you to read it.
00:51:45Tell me what you think.
00:51:50My days in Gamora.
00:51:52It's very complex,
00:51:55yet horny.
00:51:59Oh.
00:52:01KNOCK ON DOOR
00:52:07KNOCK ON DOOR
00:52:09KNOCK ON DOOR
00:52:34My days in Gamora.
00:52:37My days in Gamora.
00:52:41Amber's writing a book.
00:52:54Another month on this job
00:52:56and I'll be pulling my own hair out.
00:52:58Boring, boring, boring.
00:53:01My thighs quivered
00:53:03as Ted's hot tongue
00:53:05darted in and out.
00:53:09Ted?
00:53:14Oh, I get it.
00:53:15She didn't want to use my real name.
00:53:20His penis was so...
00:53:23I could still taste the salty flavor of his...
00:53:27The warmth of his hands
00:53:28brought my rock-hard nipples to...
00:53:32Maybe I should stay
00:53:33and give her what she wants.
00:53:37I have every minute of our lives planned out.
00:53:43Okay.
00:53:45When am I going to find time to masturbate?
00:53:57Nice try out there.
00:54:02How can I let her down gently?
00:54:04How can I let her down gently?
00:54:06How can I let her down gently?
00:54:08Um...
00:54:10I know.
00:54:12I'll avoid her like the plague.
00:54:15Even though that usually
00:54:16makes women want you more.
00:54:26I'm sorry.
00:54:28I'm sorry.
00:54:30Bert, you sly dog.
00:54:34Letter from a baby.
00:54:40Dear Bert,
00:54:41I haven't heard from you in a while.
00:54:43I wanted to let you know
00:54:44LaVonna visited me again.
00:54:46She still wears that pink nightie
00:54:48in her hiking boots.
00:54:50Blah, blah, blah.
00:54:53Letter from LaVonna's mom.
00:54:55Letter from LaVonna's mom.
00:54:59It's all gone before you know it, brother.
00:55:02What?
00:55:03What's gone?
00:55:04Everything.
00:55:11Money.
00:55:12Love.
00:55:13Life.
00:55:14That pint of ice cream I was saving
00:55:16to celebrate a new beginning.
00:55:20Yeah, man.
00:55:21Okay, look, I'm just gonna...
00:55:23Oh, don't be such a swishy-fishy.
00:55:25You're not the only one
00:55:26with secrets around here.
00:55:28Bunch in here too, grasshopper.
00:55:35Hey, man, this is Amber's.
00:55:36How did you get...
00:55:54What are you doing?
00:55:56Amber, why are you on the grass?
00:55:58Doesn't grass freak you out?
00:55:59That's my journal.
00:56:00No, this.
00:56:01I got at the library.
00:56:04How could you?
00:56:05That is so low!
00:56:07You stole it?
00:56:08You stole it!
00:56:09No, that freak dumpster dude,
00:56:10he just gave it to me.
00:56:11Oh, right,
00:56:12like he's going around
00:56:13selling my diaries on the black market.
00:56:15I didn't pay for it,
00:56:16but I gotta tell you,
00:56:17you're one crazy bitch.
00:56:18You got the colleges
00:56:19our kids are gonna go to picked out.
00:56:20Shut up!
00:56:21Shut up!
00:56:22Shut up, okay?
00:56:23It was a delusional moment, okay?
00:56:25It was a couple of months,
00:56:26but it's over, okay?
00:56:27I'm totally done
00:56:28with emotional retards.
00:56:33Cal State Victorville?
00:56:34I mean, we couldn't have done
00:56:35better than that.
00:56:36Shut up!
00:56:53I've been bathing!
00:56:54Get out!
00:56:57I'm too mired in my own shit
00:56:58to, you know,
00:56:59see how important this relationship
00:57:01is to both of us.
00:57:04It was important to me,
00:57:06don't get me wrong,
00:57:07but that was many diaries ago,
00:57:10and I'm not writing your name
00:57:12very much anymore.
00:57:17How hot is this water?
00:57:19Do you have to do that?
00:57:20Edmund!
00:57:21No!
00:57:22Catfish!
00:57:23You're the fish
00:57:24you were supposed to bury at sea!
00:57:26Ow!
00:57:28Help me!
00:57:29Oh, my God, you're the one.
00:57:31Help me find Edmund!
00:57:33Uh, right on, okay.
00:57:34Edmund?
00:57:36Oh, my God!
00:57:38Edmund?
00:57:40Edmund, where are you?
00:57:44What the hell are you doing?
00:57:45These bath salts
00:57:46are specifically designed
00:57:48to cleanse my aura.
00:57:51Let's do it.
00:57:52Right here in the kelp bed.
00:57:54Are you insane?
00:57:56No.
00:57:57The bum, he told me
00:57:58this would happen.
00:57:59He said that when
00:58:00the fish jumped into the water,
00:58:01the waves of green
00:58:02would splash upon the one
00:58:03who would open the door
00:58:04to freedom.
00:58:05He's a transient!
00:58:07Dumpster dude
00:58:08can see into my soul.
00:58:10No.
00:58:11If you're taking
00:58:12the door metaphorically,
00:58:14then why are you
00:58:15taking the rest so literally?
00:58:16Because fish,
00:58:17they could,
00:58:18they could
00:58:19symbolize sustenance
00:58:21or, um, protein
00:58:23or the part of you
00:58:25that swims against the tide.
00:58:29When the protein
00:58:30leaps in the water?
00:58:31I don't think so.
00:58:33Waves of green
00:58:34could be jealousy.
00:58:36No.
00:58:37You're totally
00:58:38ruining the moment.
00:58:40You know in astrology,
00:58:41water, um,
00:58:42symbolizes emotion.
00:58:45And, uh,
00:58:46I'm really glad
00:58:47you're getting
00:58:48in touch with yours.
00:58:50But I know where mine are.
00:58:52And they're not in this tub.
00:58:55So what do you think I did wrong?
00:59:21So what do you think I did wrong?
00:59:24Why are you coming to me with this ?
00:59:27Because you're a writer, so you must have some insight as to why I'm a piss-poor Romeo.
00:59:34You use poetry, money and the rantings of a lunatic you dined with in a dumpster to avoid intimacy, and then you wonder why you're alone.
00:59:44Everyone in this building knows you're hiding something. What is it ?
00:59:48Are you gay ?
00:59:50Into animals ?
00:59:51A serial killer ?
00:59:52What ?
00:59:55Until you own up to it, you're going to be a lonely fuck-up for the rest of your life.
01:00:05I think I know why Levon had named this place Jupiter Landing.
01:00:09In an astrological chart, when Jupiter is setting, all relationships are affected by the positive nature of its energy.
01:00:18But Jupiter can be so overwhelming. A person can lose herself in it.
01:00:24Right now I feel like Jupiter has landed on my soul.
01:00:33Oh my heck !
01:00:36Please, I don't think I can take it anymore.
01:00:38No, look !
01:00:40This is gonna be my breakthrough story. No more bottom of the barrel stuff, no more obituaries, no more fluff pieces on furniture moving criminals.
01:00:49I know this guy.
01:00:50Me too.
01:00:53I stabbed a guy with a pair of scissors, and then ran over him with my truck.
01:01:02This is what you've been dying to tell me ?
01:01:06Cold-blooded murder been in hiding ever since, yes.
01:01:09Are you serious ?
01:01:10No, I mean, don't worry. I mean, it was a one-time thing.
01:01:13Kind of like our sex life.
01:01:18I can't believe you just did that.
01:01:20Are you kidding ? He's a murderer.
01:01:22And what if he's done it more than once ?
01:01:24That means we have a serial killer living right here in our building.
01:01:27In seven years, he hasn't killed any of us.
01:01:30Nikki, everybody has a personal history, alright ?
01:01:32And I'm sure that Tyson's does not include murder.
01:01:35And even if it did, I'm sure the guy deserved it.
01:01:37The police are coming right now to make the bust, and my byline is going to make page one.
01:01:43In two weeks, it'll be seven years.
01:01:48And then ?
01:01:52And then I turn myself in.
01:01:54Yeah, but you're a defense lawyer. Can't you get yourself off ?
01:02:00I'm really not a lawyer.
01:02:04I work at the neighborhood deli on the other side of town.
01:02:07Why ?
01:02:09I guess I'm good at making sandwiches.
01:02:11No, no, no. Why'd you kill somebody ?
01:02:15The guy tried to abduct me at gunpoint.
01:02:18And once I started with the scissors, I couldn't stop.
01:02:28I was sitting by myself on some railroad tracks,
01:02:33clipping articles to make a scrapbook for my father's birthday.
01:02:38Wow, that's sweet.
01:02:40Or at least that's what I thought I was doing.
01:02:42I don't know. I was all coked up at the time.
01:02:44But it doesn't matter, because there were no witnesses.
01:02:52Just a body, with a pair of scissors sticking out of its neck,
01:02:59with my fingerprints on the scissors.
01:03:06And they charged me with first-degree murder.
01:03:12Amber, have you seen Tyson ?
01:03:15Aren't you a cozy twosome ?
01:03:18Can I speak to you for a moment ?
01:03:20I have nothing to hide from her anymore.
01:03:24Can you just trust me ?
01:03:28I guess this once wasn't her, right ?
01:03:32Okay.
01:03:35If you don't mind, I'd rather you not mention the whole, you know...
01:03:40Okay.
01:03:47You have to leave. The police are on their way to arrest you.
01:03:51What ?
01:03:53Nikki called the cops. She didn't know you were a murderer.
01:03:56None of us did until now.
01:03:59Nikki called the cops. She didn't know you were a murderer.
01:04:03None of us did until now.
01:04:06Oh, shit.
01:04:08Hey, man, now's not the time to get reflective.
01:04:10We gotta get your ass out of here.
01:04:12I gotta find my camera. I think I...
01:04:14It's downstairs or something. I gotta get the camera.
01:04:17All right.
01:04:30Damn, I wasn't expecting this.
01:04:33I almost thought I'd get the hots for being a DJ.
01:04:49Whoa. Okay, that's not supposed to be on there.
01:04:52How did you get that on ?
01:04:54Um, that's not what it looks like.
01:04:57That's not what it looks like.
01:05:00We talked about you the whole time, man. I promise.
01:05:03We...
01:05:05And right there, that...
01:05:07Taken out of context, that could seem like a very negative thing.
01:05:10Where's the remote ?
01:05:12Backstabbing bastard !
01:05:14I came up here to save you, so I...
01:05:17She jumped me !
01:05:19All I wanted to do was go home and masturbate !
01:05:27Whoa !
01:05:35You officially did it to the world !
01:05:38I whipped some great splash on her !
01:05:41She opened the door to freedom !
01:05:45And you slammed it shut !
01:05:52You've always hated me !
01:05:58Okay. Why ?
01:06:01I never hated you. I never hated you.
01:06:04You're just saying how you just hit me seven times.
01:06:07I hate you, son of a bitch !
01:06:13Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
01:06:15Now that you're really gone, I don't wanna live anymore.
01:06:28Hey, uh, we got a call.
01:06:31A call. Yeah.
01:06:33Are you all right ?
01:06:35Yeah.
01:06:37I, uh, I fell down the steps.
01:06:40I think I'm the one that you're looking for, officer.
01:06:43Hey, what's with all the blood, you guys ?
01:06:45He fell down the steps, too.
01:06:51So we got a call here about a possible, uh...
01:06:54So we got a call here about a possible, uh...
01:06:56You guys just missed him. He took off.
01:06:59What did he look like ?
01:07:01Shaggy hair, raggedy clothes.
01:07:04He looks like he lives in a dumpster.
01:07:07Okay. Which way did he go ?
01:07:09He...
01:07:11I saw him around. We don't know.
01:07:13Do you mind if we have a look around ?
01:07:15No.
01:07:17Be our guest.
01:07:24So where are you going ?
01:07:26I don't... I don't know.
01:07:28You know, I thought I was gonna turn myself in.
01:07:31But when I saw those cops, I just...
01:07:36You know, there's just some stuff I need to take care of first.
01:07:39I don't know what that is.
01:07:45I don't know what to say.
01:07:47How about thank you ?
01:07:50Don't go patting me on the back just yet.
01:07:53I was gonna turn you in.
01:07:59What made you change your mind ?
01:08:01Well, I realized that my responsibility is to my friends.
01:08:06I should have come to you for an explanation.
01:08:10I let my ambitions get the best of me.
01:08:14I let my ambitions get the best of me.
01:08:19Well, thank you.
01:08:21Did you really kill that guy ?
01:08:23Would you believe it was self-defense ?
01:08:26I might.
01:08:35I don't know what to think anymore.
01:08:38A few weeks ago, life was so painfully dull.
01:08:41Now it couldn't be any more weird.
01:08:49I'm kind of busy right now, okay ?
01:08:52Look, you really ought to talk to Tyson.
01:08:54He's... insists on turning himself in.
01:08:57Can we just talk about it later ?
01:08:59Why ? Who have you got in there ?
01:09:02LaVonna. Why ?
01:09:11Hey !
01:09:14Finally, the infamous LaVonna.
01:09:16Hello, catfish.
01:09:18Do you mind ?
01:09:20We're having a little girl-to-girl talk.
01:09:22And since you don't have a uterus, I suggest you leave.
01:09:28It's a nice outfit. You always go hiking in lingerie ?
01:09:31You are such a bonehead.
01:09:33For your information, I have no choice.
01:09:35This is what buried me in.
01:09:37What ?
01:09:40I'm dead.
01:09:48Holy shit, that makes total sense.
01:09:51Are you out of your mind ?
01:09:53No. That letter from your mom to Bert...
01:09:56said that you were shown up in that exact same outfit...
01:09:58over a thousand miles away.
01:10:00Uh-huh. Oh, my God !
01:10:03Okay, look, I gotta ask, because I've always wondered...
01:10:06and since you're, you know...
01:10:09Ah, yes, of course.
01:10:11The bonus question.
01:10:13How is it on the other side ?
01:10:16Well, I could tell you.
01:10:19But then I'd have to take you with me.
01:10:26Sorry, guys.
01:10:28Little ghost humor.
01:10:34Okay, so then why are you still hanging around here ?
01:10:36Bert, of course. He won't let me go.
01:10:39Oh, that is sweet.
01:10:42Sweet ?
01:10:44He's a pain in my ass, okay ?
01:10:46I can't move on.
01:10:48Oh, I'm so sorry.
01:10:50I wish there was something you could do to help.
01:10:54I was hoping you'd feel that way.
01:10:58Ivana wanted to climb Angel's Landing...
01:11:00and I had a bad feeling about it...
01:11:02but I couldn't tell her no.
01:11:05I tried to grab her as she started to slip...
01:11:07but there was no way anyone could survive that fall.
01:11:11I drove by here about a month later...
01:11:13and saw Ivana working in the front yard...
01:11:15or at least I thought I did.
01:11:18She used to keep it perfectly landscaped...
01:11:20when she lived here in college.
01:11:24I knew right then that I had to be here...
01:11:27to be close to Ivana.
01:11:29Paid the tenants of the old apartment...
01:11:31a shitload of money to move out.
01:11:34I couldn't focus on football anymore.
01:11:39They were going to let me go eventually anyway...
01:11:41so I quit.
01:11:43Did you ever see her again ?
01:11:45Fleeting glimpses.
01:11:48I started to leave notes on the fridge...
01:11:50like we did in the old days.
01:11:53Not only did she read them...
01:11:55but she wrote back.
01:11:58But other people saw her.
01:12:00I saw her.
01:12:01Nikki saw her.
01:12:03But Tyson never saw her...
01:12:05and neither did I until today.
01:12:08The afterlife is all mental.
01:12:10Your thoughts and your feelings...
01:12:11are your arms and your legs.
01:12:13I always knew you were an emotional cripple.
01:12:17Yeah, but I did see her...
01:12:19so maybe I don't need the crutches anymore.
01:12:25Well, what are you going to do now ?
01:12:28Maybe I should settle down.
01:12:31Get married.
01:12:33Start a family.
01:12:35You can always go back to football.
01:12:41I can't believe you're selling all your stuff.
01:12:44I don't think they let you furnish your prison cell.
01:12:47You don't care about any of this ?
01:12:49No.
01:12:50All I care about right now...
01:12:51is finally evening the score.
01:12:53That's it.
01:12:55As far as I'm concerned, you've already paid.
01:12:58The criminal justice system is a capitalist tool...
01:13:00designed to maintain order and increase profits.
01:13:02It's not about absolving guilt.
01:13:04Well, maybe if I'm lucky, they'll let me out in 30 years.
01:13:07You know, there are wacko chicks out there...
01:13:11who do marry inmates just for the conjugal visits.
01:13:14And in the last seven years, I have been laid...
01:13:18once.
01:13:19But in prison, I might get it once a week.
01:13:23Yeah, or daily.
01:13:25But I'm not sure it's what you had in mind.
01:13:31Give me a hand ?
01:13:33Oh, yeah.
01:14:01How much is this thing ?
01:14:03How much for the bomb ?
01:14:09Hey, I think I can make this work.
01:14:11How much for the rollerblades ?
01:14:15Hi.
01:14:16Um...
01:14:17$2.
01:14:19You got it.
01:14:20Yay.
01:14:21Ha, ha, ha.
01:14:22How much is this thing ?
01:14:24How much for the bomb ?
01:14:26Hey, I think I can make this work.
01:14:29Ha, ha, ha.
01:14:37Does that mean she didn't want to sell anything ?
01:14:41Guess not.
01:14:48Ms. Nicole, what's wrong ?
01:14:50I lost my job.
01:14:52Why ?
01:14:53Because I missed my deadlines, and I was too busy writing my novel.
01:14:57What do you have there?
01:14:59We got La Femme Total.
01:15:00X, X, X, that's a good one.
01:15:03We got American Buns.
01:15:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're the best.
01:15:06You wrote a novel?
01:15:07What novel?
01:15:08My Days in Gamora.
01:15:11You wrote that?
01:15:12Yeah.
01:15:13I shoulda known Amber couldn't come up
01:15:14with smut that good.
01:15:16We have Jugs and Hooters.
01:15:18Yeah, okay.
01:15:21And last is Chica's Con Pecos.
01:15:25That's the one with the donkey.
01:15:27I'm a lost cause, I've ruined my career,
01:15:29and I wasn't honest with any of you.
01:15:33How are you dishonest with us?
01:15:38I never had kinky threesomes with half the couples
01:15:40between here and Idaho Falls.
01:15:42Then why didn't you tell me that?
01:15:44Because I came to the big city for experience,
01:15:46and I didn't think anyone would accept me
01:15:48if I wasn't fast and loose.
01:15:51Yeah.
01:16:02See that lady with the leg?
01:16:03That was awesome.
01:16:05Black is too color, what?
01:16:07What are you guys doing?
01:16:09What is that?
01:16:16Tyson, that's in your room.
01:16:21Oh shit.
01:16:23It's the FBI, they found me.
01:16:26Maybe it's LaVonna.
01:16:28Wait, what if it's not LaVonna?
01:16:30What if it's a dangerous ghost?
01:16:33Hey, Dave Stone.
01:16:35Fine, you go first.
01:16:38Tyson, you go, it's your room.
01:16:40Yeah, besides, you have the least to lose.
01:16:43What the hell is that supposed to mean?
01:16:45Well, you're going to prison soon,
01:16:46so death might be a welcome alternative.
01:16:49Burt's the former defense back, let him go first.
01:16:52I haven't hit somebody for three years.
01:16:53Jesus H. Christ, I'll go.
01:17:11Dumpster dude, you had us going.
01:17:13Well, good for me,
01:17:14because I've been looking for this for,
01:17:16well, I lost track of time.
01:17:17Hell, it's been so long,
01:17:18I forgot what apartment I lived in.
01:17:21Holy mother of Jesus.
01:17:22You know him too?
01:17:24That's, this is the guy.
01:17:26I stabbed him with a pair of scissors
01:17:27and ran over him with my truck.
01:17:30Yeah, well, I deserved it.
01:17:32I was offered 50,000 to kidnap you.
01:17:34By who?
01:17:35Your father was a judge.
01:17:36I was supposed to blackmail him into letting this guy off.
01:17:39And it's all here in my diary.
01:17:41Names, dates, all in my own handwriting.
01:17:45I've been looking all over for this.
01:17:47Why?
01:17:48You're a pain in the ass, man.
01:17:49Because of you, I can't move on.
01:17:52Take it, you know LaVonna.
01:17:55So you're the real Tyson Humper?
01:17:57It's Hoomper, like with two O's.
01:17:59Oh.
01:18:00No, O, O.
01:18:01Try to keep up, okay, sweetheart?
01:18:03But the police report said your name was Calvin something.
01:18:07Yeah, I went by a lot of names back then.
01:18:09That's the one I was using when I died.
01:18:12You took his name?
01:18:13It was on the mailbox when I moved in.
01:18:16Why didn't you just come out and tell me,
01:18:18like you are now?
01:18:19I tried, man, but all those notes I left you,
01:18:22you discounted as some drug-induced rambling.
01:18:25And besides, you never could see me.
01:18:28All right, then what was all that stuff
01:18:30with the fish and the waves of green and finding freedom?
01:18:34That means nothing, man.
01:18:35I swear, the living are so gullible.
01:18:38I'm dead.
01:18:39I have to amuse myself somehow.
01:18:41You people really ought to learn how to communicate better.
01:18:44It doesn't get any easier on the other side.
01:18:49Oh!
01:18:53And that guy just did a Peter Pan right out this window.
01:19:11♪♪♪
01:19:42Some good reading, I hope.
01:19:44Oh, very.
01:19:48And to think that I haven't been able to face up to my father
01:19:51after all of these years.
01:19:55Because I thought I was a cold-blooded murderer.
01:19:59Maybe now he'd understand.
01:20:03I ain't got the diary to prove it.
01:20:06I'm still gonna need a very expensive lawyer, that's for sure.
01:20:10Yeah.
01:20:12Now would be a good time to be a wealthy capitalist pig.
01:20:16Mm-hmm.
01:20:42Oh, wow.
01:20:43So, uh, for everyone's convenience,
01:20:45I'm just gonna take the door off the hinges.
01:20:58You're quite the artist.
01:21:01Oh!
01:21:02Oh, I'm sorry!
01:21:05That's a big compliment.
01:21:07Come again.
01:21:08That's a big compliment.
01:21:10Coming from a woman who wrote my days in Gamora.
01:21:15I've been reading your file.
01:21:18I want to help you get through this time.
01:21:25Actually, it's Hugh.
01:21:29Hugh Murphy.
01:21:31I mean, you can call me Humper, if you want, and that's...
01:21:36Um, Miss Nicole, if...
01:21:39If they do put me away,
01:21:42I mean, how would you feel about conjugal visits?
01:21:47No.
01:21:59I need to talk to you guys.
01:22:01You're not gonna drop another bomb on us, are you?
01:22:03I have $53 million.
01:22:10That's a lot of money for a guy who takes small-time bets.
01:22:14Burt, I am the bookie.
01:22:18I didn't want you to get caught for gambling and banned from football
01:22:21before you had a chance to make your comeback.
01:22:24You mean the money I won was yours?
01:22:27Yeah.
01:22:29Back in college,
01:22:31my girlfriend and I were messing around with handcuffs,
01:22:33and before you'd known,
01:22:35we invented the shack shackle.
01:22:37I read about that.
01:22:38It was the first house arrest monitoring system.
01:22:40Huge patent.
01:22:42Yeah, well...
01:22:44Some rich redneck rancher came in
01:22:46and he bought the company
01:22:48and acquired my girlfriend as a corporate asset.
01:22:51Well, yeah, but it wasn't like you walked away with nothing.
01:22:54I couldn't spend a dime.
01:22:57Except on hookers and hot dogs.
01:23:00Every time I opened my wallet, I saw her face on the bills.
01:23:03I told you, you used money to avoid intimacy.
01:23:07Does this mean I need to pay back my winnings?
01:23:09No, big guy.
01:23:12I figure the best way to get the bitch out of my system
01:23:14is to go ahead and spend it all.
01:23:17Starting with your legal defense.
01:23:20You're only half the loser I thought you were.
01:23:23Thanks, I think.
01:23:25Is anyone here who they say they are?
01:23:31Hugh Murphy, the man we all knew as Tyson,
01:23:34his high-priced lawyers and Nikki's investigation
01:23:37got the first-degree murder charge reduced to manslaughter.
01:23:41When his parents saw him for the first time in seven years,
01:23:44they hardly recognized him.
01:23:55He's out for parole in 14 months.
01:24:05He's become accustomed to both Nikki's loyal heart
01:24:08and conjugal visits.
01:24:11Okay.
01:24:13I'm in hell.
01:24:16Amber was relieved to find out she wasn't pregnant
01:24:18with anybody's baby,
01:24:20but it didn't take long for her to realize
01:24:23she wasn't pregnant with anybody's baby.
01:24:25But in the end, she didn't have to adopt.
01:24:32When he's not playing the doting father and husband,
01:24:35Burt leads in interceptions in Canadian pro football.
01:24:39That was one condition when I bought the team
01:24:41that Burt be given a contract.
01:24:46I also bought Jupiter Landing.
01:24:48After that, I gave most of the money
01:24:50to two types of groups.
01:24:53One's to feed the hungry,
01:24:55and one's to do paranormal research.
01:24:57One of these days, I'm gonna pin down Dumpster Dude
01:24:59to see if he can get me a private audience
01:25:01with Kurt Cobain.
01:25:04That's Caitlin.
01:25:06We have a relationship,
01:25:08a real one that doesn't involve
01:25:10a monetary transaction after sex.
01:25:12I think that's a good sign.
01:25:17I know what you're thinking,
01:25:19but I'm not stupid.
01:25:21This capitalism thing
01:25:23isn't so bad after all.
01:25:51Stay with what you start
01:25:53Stay
01:26:13You never understand your heart
01:26:15It never lets you stay
01:26:21You could have so much more
01:26:23So much more than what you say
01:26:30Breathe a chance that's in the air
01:26:32Even if you think you care
01:26:34Baby, for my mind
01:26:39Love is everywhere you are
01:26:41Bury your feet in the stars
01:26:43Let this fall apart
01:26:47Stay with what you start
01:26:50Stay with what you start
01:26:54Stay with what you start
01:27:01Stay
01:27:03Stay
01:27:07Stay
01:27:09Stay
01:27:11Stay