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Frasier
  • 2 years ago
Frasier S02E23 The Innkeepers

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00:00And so, in the opinion of this critic, Mickey's Good Time Tavern is anything but.
00:07Dismal decor, perfunctory service, and cuisine that's only marginally preferable to hunger.
00:17And finally, on a sadder note, after 53 years in the same location, Orsini's is closing its doors.
00:25And so, tonight, a sad adieu to the Grand Dom of Seattle Restaurants.
00:31I thought he was the Grand Dom of Seattle Restaurants.
00:35Until next time, this is Gil Chesterton saying bon appétit, buon appetito, and nifty noshing.
00:46Gil, why is Orsini's closing?
00:48Well, the owner's getting old. He wants to sell.
00:51And, uh, just between us, I'm afraid Orsini's is a bit like wine that stayed too long in the cellar.
00:57It retains only memories of its former glory.
01:00Not comping your check anymore?
01:02Not for months now.
01:05You know, Orsini's used to be my favorite restaurant. You ever been there, Ross?
01:10Are you kidding? My typical day's idea of a gourmet evening is take out, make out, and home by Letterman.
01:19Knock, knock.
01:21Hello, Ross. It's not really a good time for a visit. Show starts in two minutes.
01:25Just enough time to show you the John Steinbeck first edition I bought at the Rare Book Fair.
01:30St. Katie the Virgin in like new condition.
01:33Yes, well, she'd have to be, wouldn't she?
01:38Quite a charming book, really. It's a shame more people haven't read it.
01:42Oh, let's see.
01:43Don't touch. The smallest smudge decreases its value.
01:47Oh, Niles, guess what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors.
01:51Ross, you're moving.
02:06No, Niles.
02:07Orsini's is closing.
02:09Oh, it can't be. That's part of crane history.
02:14Grandfather took me there for my eighth birthday.
02:21Thank you, Ross. Childhood memories, so vivid.
02:24Wearing paper hats, singing happy birthday, sending back the veal, Prince Orloff.
02:34Thirty seconds, Frasier.
02:35Thank you, Ross.
02:36Niles, tonight, let's go to Orsini's for one glorious farewell dinner.
02:41Why not?
02:42I'll make the reservations. We'll take Dad and Daphne.
02:45Great. Will Maris be joining us?
02:47Oh, sadly, no. She had a bad experience there one Christmas Eve.
02:51An Italian soccer team was at the next table.
02:54Maris announced she was in the mood for a goose and, perhaps inevitably, tragedy ensued.
03:11Oh, dear God.
03:25What has happened to this place?
03:29I know.
03:30It's like running into a movie star you worshipped as a child, only time has left her hair brittle.
03:37Her eyes sunken and dull.
03:41Her skin waxy and...
03:47Well, I've got quite an appetite. How about you, Dad?
03:52Yes, sir.
03:53Do you have a reservation?
03:54Yes. The name's Crane for four.
03:58Ah, the table nine seems to be free.
04:02Right this way, sir.
04:04Your waiter will be with you in a moment.
04:06Thank you.
04:08Oh, here, Daphne.
04:09Oh, thank you.
04:12Dad, Frasier, isn't that Otto?
04:15Oh, my God, I believe it is. You know, Otto is legendary here. He's been with them forever.
04:20He never writes a single thing down. He keeps it all in his head.
04:23Otto.
04:24Oh.
04:25Coming up.
04:29Your check, sir.
04:34No, no.
04:36Wrong table.
04:37Oh.
04:38We would like menus, please.
04:40Sorry. I hate it when we get crowded.
04:46I'm going to the John. Order me a beer.
04:49Oh, gee, Dad, for a moment there I thought you were going to surprise me and order a glass of wine.
04:53Aye, for a moment I thought you were going to surprise me and button your yap.
05:00I'd order him the crab cocktail, but I'm afraid the irony would be lost on him.
05:05The owner's going to have his hands full trying to find a buyer for this place.
05:09Yes, alas. I'm afraid we've found one old relic whose time is going to be put out of his misery.
05:15Oh, no, Otto, I didn't mean you.
05:19Your menu, sir.
05:20Thank you.
05:21Thank you.
05:23Lovely.
05:24Thank you.
05:26It's all right. He's in the men's room.
05:29No, no, Otto.
05:34Leave it here.
05:41Why are Americans always in such an almighty rush to tear things down?
05:46At home we treasure our antiquities, but you people just can't wait to bring in the bulldozers.
05:52You know, I'm inclined to agree with Daphne.
05:55Try to contain my amazement.
05:58Who would be crying to lose a landmark like this? I mean, look at it.
06:03It's well built, good structure.
06:06It does have good bones. It's in a very good location.
06:09Excellent location. They only had valet parking.
06:13They just took down those awful curtains.
06:16Knocked out these pillars.
06:20You know, I've always dreamed of owning a four star restaurant.
06:27What growing boy hasn't?
06:31Of course, we'd need a new chef.
06:33I happen to know the chef at Emilio's is very unhappy.
06:36Yes, everyone knows that. The man's scungilly is a cry for help.
06:42Frasier, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
06:44I'm picking out China and sandblasting the wine cave.
06:50Owning a restaurant is hard work.
06:53If you don't scald yourself or lop off a finger with a cleaver,
06:57you spend your whole time gagging at grease fires,
07:01killing rats and brawling with labor racketeers.
07:08Me auntie had a little tea room.
07:12Wait a minute. Don't tell me you two are seriously considering
07:15doing a dumb-ass idiotic thing like buying this place.
07:18With all due respect, we are not exactly neophytes in this field.
07:23We know food. We know wine.
07:25Lord knows we have style, taste and refinement.
07:28You see, that's what always gets you guys in trouble.
07:31You don't think about the hard work and the long hours.
07:34No, to you owning a restaurant is just wearing fancy clothes,
07:39hobnobbing with your friends and turning your enemies away at the door.
07:43I hadn't even thought about that.
07:48Look, when I was a cop walking the beat,
07:50there was this one restaurant on the corner.
07:52In ten years, it must have changed hands twenty times.
07:56First it was Leng Fung's lychee palace.
07:59Then it was Tony's meatball hutch.
08:02Then it was a little taste of Yorkshire.
08:04English food. Huh, big surprise.
08:07That lasted about five minutes.
08:10You know, Frasier, Dad has a point.
08:12A lot of people have lost a lot of money in this business for one reason.
08:16They picked the wrong name.
08:20True that, but I've got something very special.
08:23I was thinking about this while Dad was talking.
08:29Maison Crane.
08:31Oh, God, your point is a little too obvious.
08:34We want our name to be inviting and welcoming.
08:38Oh, what's the word for light-hearted in French?
08:42There isn't one.
08:46I've got it, Miles, I've got it.
08:49Les Frères Heureux.
08:52The Heavy Brothers.
08:54Brilliant.
08:56It's homey, but just hard enough to pronounce to intimidate the riffraff.
08:59Yes.
09:02We'll make the place very, very exclusive.
09:05No sign on the outside, no advertisements,
09:07and an unlisted phone number.
09:10Hey, well, don't stop there.
09:11Maybe you could post some guards on the roof
09:13who can shoot people as they try to get in.
09:17Never mind.
09:19I believe, Miles. Do you believe?
09:21I believe.
09:22Have you decided what you'd like?
09:24Yes, I'd like the whole damn place,
09:27right from the wine cellar to the rafters.
09:30And for the lady?
09:47We're a hit, a palpable hit.
09:50Every table in the place is full,
09:53except for that tiny one wedged in that horrible,
09:56dank little corner next to the men's room.
09:58Oh, no, no, Miles.
09:59That is not a dank little corner next to the men's room.
10:02That is the enchanted grotto.
10:06I've been getting nothing but compliments
10:08from the ladies and gentlemen.
10:10I've been getting nothing but compliments
10:12from the ladies and gentlemen.
10:14I've been getting nothing but compliments.
10:16Yes, Chef Weiss has really outdone himself.
10:18The menu simply cannot be improved upon.
10:20I agree.
10:23Unless it would be to add just a soup-sort of brandy
10:25to the cherries jubilee?
10:30Mm.
10:31Yes, yes.
10:32I want those cherries to be jubilant.
10:38Happy?
10:39Yeah.
10:40Everything all right here?
10:41Oh, yes, Dr. Crane.
10:42Whatever this sanguina is, it's perfectly smashing.
10:45It's our chef's specialty.
10:47The man can do things with eels you just wouldn't believe.
10:50I arrested a guy for that once.
10:54You and your brother really pulled it off, Dr. Crane.
10:57Yes, well, sorry to disappoint you, Dad,
11:00but it seems the restaurant is a success.
11:04But tomorrow will be the toast of Seattle.
11:13What's in there?
11:15Anguilla.
11:16Dear God!
11:18It's Maurice's speciality.
11:21He prefers to kill them to orders
11:23and serve them with their heads still on.
11:26Thank God his specialty isn't roast beef.
11:32Are those the soup-plates for table nine, Maurice?
11:35I'm just about to bake them.
11:38I know it's not my place to second-guess your presentation,
11:41but would you be averse to trying something radical?
11:46What?
11:47Well, instead of individual soup-plates,
11:50bake one large soup-plate
11:52and dish the portions out at the table.
11:55When people hear the name Niles Crane,
11:57I want them to think big soup-plate.
12:02As you wish.
12:07There's a party at the door without a tie or a reservation.
12:11Leave them to me.
12:12Hey, Niles, baby!
12:15Good evening, Mr. Briscoe.
12:17May I help you?
12:19Does it look like I need help tonight?
12:23Do you have a reservation?
12:24Okay, okay.
12:25I know what you're sniffing around for.
12:28These guys are all alike.
12:31Mr. Lincoln wonders if you've got a table
12:33for the bulldog and his leg.
12:36Well, Mr. Lincoln's in luck.
12:38Please, seat these people in the Enchanted Grotto.
12:43Niles, the grotto?
12:45Oh, bulldog!
12:47Enjoy our finest table.
12:51Hey, you see that?
12:52Little flights of green, you get whatever you want.
12:55But look who I'm telling.
13:09Maurice,
13:11it's not to second-guess your creativity, but...
13:17I thought that we agreed that we would
13:19serve a souffle in individual cups.
13:22But I was asked to change.
13:24Change on opening night?
13:25Oh, Lord, no, no.
13:27Start pouring, man.
13:32Dad, darling,
13:34if you're almost finished, I can call for your car.
13:37You know, your parking attendant looked familiar.
13:40It was Otto, the waiter.
13:44Didn't have the heart to let him go, so...
13:48Hello, Otto?
13:49Who is this?
13:52Dr. Crane, Otto, please bring up car 44, please.
13:55Thank you.
13:57A little innovation of mine.
13:59This way, your car will be waiting when you're finished.
14:08Thank you.
14:13Maurice, I thought we agreed
14:15one large bowl for the souffle.
14:17This is crazy.
14:18This is my kitchen.
14:20Well, it's in my restaurant,
14:21so one big bowl, chop, chop.
14:23And you, you, you,
14:25table 12 is still waiting for their entree.
14:28Don't force me to send them complimentary zucchini.
14:31Ah, that's the indoor, sir.
14:33Good Lord, I wonder what I did.
14:35What happened?
14:36This man must have fainted.
14:38Here, help me get him into the kitchen.
14:42That's the outdoor.
14:46Good Lord, I think his nose is broken.
14:49What shall we do?
14:50For one thing, start ladling out zucchini.
14:52No, that one's outposed.
14:55Give me a hand.
14:56I'll take them both to the emergency room.
14:58That's a good idea.
14:59Please help this man.
15:00Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
15:03Treasure to our name,
15:04I'm trying to remain a happy brother,
15:06but do you find it just the tiniest bit discouraging
15:08that suddenly we find ourselves
15:09with neither waiters nor a bartender?
15:11First rule of the kitchen aisle,
15:13remain calm.
15:15No, no, no!
15:17I told you individual cups, you oaf!
15:20I told him.
15:21Oh, what?
15:22Are you out of your mind?
15:23You told him what?
15:24Oh, my.
15:25We're going to be serving a baseball club.
15:27Oh, God.
15:28I'm insane.
15:29I've never heard such a ridiculous idea in my life.
15:31Of course, I had no idea.
15:33Please, please!
15:34Please, no, please!
15:36You didn't let me finish.
15:37No, it was an oversight on my part.
15:40Oh, fine.
15:41Now what?
15:42Simple.
15:43We just make a battlefield promotion.
15:45Congratulations.
15:46You are our new head chef.
15:48Thank you.
15:49Don't make us proud.
15:51We've got a very important clientele out there.
15:53Yes, at the governor's table alone,
15:54we have two state senators
15:55and the head of the immigration bureau.
15:57Huh?
15:58Son of a bitch!
16:02Thank you.
16:14Any other names you'd like to drop?
16:18Fine, now we have no chef.
16:23No.
16:24No.
16:25Put the hat down.
16:27No, no.
16:28You are our new head chef.
16:30Sir, I can't possibly cook all this.
16:32Of course you can, Niles.
16:33My God, most of the meals are already started.
16:35Dad and Daphne can help us out.
16:38Otto, cancel car number 44.
16:41Who is this?
16:43It's Dr. Crane.
16:44It's always Dr. Crane.
16:45I'm the only one on here.
16:51Dad, Daphne.
16:53I need your help.
16:54We've had a little disaster.
16:55Disaster?
16:56Look at her.
17:00The entire staff has walked out.
17:02It's a long story.
17:04Daphne, I need you in the kitchen.
17:05I need you behind the bar, Dad.
17:07You can gloat later.
17:10I'll pencil it in.
17:14Well, it won't be the first time
17:16I've had to wash dishes for me soup, huh?
17:18Who's going to wait on all these tables?
17:21I'm afraid so.
17:24Rose!
17:26Rose!
17:27Rose!
17:28Oh!
17:29Oh, Rose.
17:31I'm glad to see you, too.
17:33Frasier, this is my date, Brad.
17:35Brad, pleasure.
17:36Pretty great, huh?
17:37Oh, yes, yes.
17:38So we got our special table?
17:40Yes, I certainly have.
17:41But before you sit at it,
17:42there's something I want to discuss with you.
17:44It's probably some kind of surprise.
17:46Oh, try to fool you.
17:49What's your poison?
17:51Oh, I don't know.
17:52Maybe I should wait for Rose.
17:54I'd have one now.
17:57Blackmailer!
18:00Honey, listen.
18:02I'm really, really sorry,
18:04but Frasier's a dear friend,
18:05and his waiters have had a terrible accident,
18:07and this is its grand opening,
18:09and he really, really needs my help,
18:11so I hope he'll try to understand.
18:14No problem.
18:16Listen, could I get a menu
18:17and maybe some bread and butter?
18:23Yeah.
18:24Hey, buddy.
18:25You from around here?
18:26How about no supersize?
18:30Listen,
18:31Niles is starting to panic in the kitchen.
18:33I don't know if we're going to be able
18:34to pull this thing off.
18:35Why don't you just wobble with him?
18:37Tell him what happened.
18:38People are more understanding than you think.
18:43Well, maybe you're right.
18:44Maybe honesty is the best policy.
18:49Everyone!
18:52Excuse me.
18:54Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
18:57I would just like to say...
18:59Good evening, Frasier.
19:02Bon appétit.
19:05Gil!
19:06Gil, my God, what a surprise to see you.
19:08I thought you never reviewed opening night.
19:10You're my friend.
19:11I made an exception.
19:12Ah.
19:13And a special surprise.
19:14I bought an entire table of restaurant critics.
19:17Oh!
19:18Oh!
19:19Oh, that's lovely.
19:22You know, we're so booked up,
19:23I don't know if I can accommodate you.
19:25Oh, take that one over there.
19:27We don't mind squeezing in.
19:29We're simply salivating to try the anguilla.
19:32We hear your chef's an absolute wizard with eels.
19:35Eels?
19:37Well, that was his old specialty.
19:41He really must try his new specialty.
19:44Scrambled eggs.
19:49Eels it is.
19:51Okay, table four wants to make some changes.
19:54They want the sole berenique without the grapes.
19:57Spinach instead of broccoli,
19:58and risotto instead of pasta.
20:00They also want the swordfish but hold the capers.
20:03Oh, for heaven's sakes, can't you just tell them
20:05no substitutions?
20:07I have trouble saying no.
20:09So the guidebooks tell us.
20:13Do you want to get thrown in the tank
20:14with the rest of the eels?
20:16Well, you're not making this very easy.
20:18You waltz in here, queen of the waitresses,
20:20la-dee-da, extra broccoli, hold the capers,
20:24and then you go back out on the fun side of the door.
20:27You want to trade places with me, Mary Poppins?
20:30Be my guest.
20:32How dare you use that tongue with her?
20:35Oh, I'm late!
20:39All right, stop it!
20:43Get a grip!
20:45I'm not being asked to do anything
20:46that none of us hasn't done before
20:48in our own kitchens in our own home.
20:50Now, quick!
20:51Niles, kill five eels!
20:54Wait! Wait!
21:00What?
21:01I'm serious!
21:02Every restaurant critic in Seattle is out there
21:04and they all want anguillas,
21:05so start killing eels!
21:07Wait, wait, wait!
21:08How do you suggest I do that?
21:09How do I know you're the chef?
21:11Throw a toaster in the damn tank for all I care!
21:17Not too many eels.
21:19The eels are on their way.
21:21Our mouths are watering, Frasier.
21:23The chef is in the process of...
21:34...frying them now.
21:38Excuse me.
21:40This is veal piccata.
21:42I ordered veal marsala.
21:44So it is. I'll rectify that at once.
21:47I'll be right back.
21:49Sir!
21:50This veal piccata has to be veal marsala.
22:05The mayor's table all wants cherries jubilee for dessert.
22:08All right, fine.
22:09You flame them, I'll be out to serve them.
22:11Niles, call those eels coming.
22:13I'm just trimming them now.
22:15Oh, no!
22:16Take them out of the tank!
22:18Not till I'm sure they're dead!
22:22Oh, for heaven's sakes!
22:25What was that?
22:41What was that?
22:45Big blue flash.
22:47Cherries everywhere.
22:55Lucky it didn't set off the sprinkler system.
22:58Yes, fortunately.
23:00We have a built-in safety delay for just this sort of thing.
23:03Gives you 15 seconds before the sprinklers...
23:10...kick in.
23:14Where do I turn this off?
23:16Right over there.
23:17I hope you're satisfied you thinned my bruns off.
23:25Good news!
23:26That was just a test!
23:31Put my car down now.
23:33Yes, ma'am.
23:34Right away.
23:37Otto, quick, bring car 23 and hurry!
23:40Who is this?
23:41It's the voice of God!
23:43Hey, Doc!
23:44Doc!
23:45Great touch with the sprinklers!
23:47My date's dress is clinging to her like saran wrap!
23:51Ladies and gentlemen, every restaurant has its little adjustment period.
23:55I'm sure someday you'll look back on this and remember it as an adventure.
23:59And if they don't remember it, I'll remind them.
24:06Now, for those of you who are leaving, please keep us in mind for your next special occasion.
24:12We plan many new and exciting innovations in the weeks to come.
24:22Starting with our...
24:24...our drive-thru window.
24:30Number 23 is ready!
24:52How much firepower do you suppose is necessary to embed a cherry in an acoustic ceiling tile?
25:01A question we should have asked ourselves before we entered the exciting world of food service.
25:10Man, those eels are starting to stink!
25:15Dad, for an hour you've been circling us like a shark.
25:18Why don't you just give us your little speech and get on with it?
25:21Hey, come on, I know you guys. You're gonna punish yourselves enough without me chiming in.
25:29Thanks, appreciate it.
25:30Hey, I'm your dad!
25:36Hello, Happy Brothers Restaurant.
25:40Table for two?
25:42Yeah, no problem.
25:43Smoke-damaged or non-smoke-damaged?
25:49You know, we...
25:52...could tell people he died in the explosion.
26:06Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
26:08Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:12Mercy
26:15Mercy
26:17And maybe I seem a bit confused
26:20Yeah, maybe, but I got your pegs
26:25But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:34They're callin' again
26:37Scrambled eggs all over my face
26:40What is the boy to do?
26:44Good night, everybody!
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