00:00 (phone ringing)
00:02 (children yelling)
00:04 (upbeat music)
00:08 - Hi, welcome to MomCave Live
00:17 where we may have lost our minds,
00:19 but we haven't lost our sense of humor.
00:21 And I have a guest today that's going to blow your mind
00:24 'cause she's hilarious and we have so much to talk about.
00:27 And I'm gonna put her on, ta-da!
00:29 Hello everyone.
00:31 Hello Jen, thanks for having me on.
00:34 - I'm psyched to have you on.
00:35 If you guys don't know Betsy, she's a funny lady.
00:38 She's on all kinds of TV and cool things
00:42 and she's a UCB improv teacher person.
00:45 And she is on "Why Mommy Drinks."
00:48 It's her very funny podcast that's on hiatus.
00:51 And you know, she's got a bunch of kids.
00:52 So we have so much to talk about.
00:54 - Just a whole bunch.
00:55 - Just a whole bunch.
00:58 But I think the very first thing to talk about
01:01 is the fact that this is the first time
01:03 that we've spoken to each other
01:05 in like 13 or more years, right?
01:09 - I think so.
01:10 It's been a very long time
01:12 since I've been able to speak with you face to face.
01:14 - I know, I know.
01:16 So I think that the story,
01:18 I don't know what your side of the story will be,
01:19 but I'll tell my side of the story
01:20 'cause I think it was pretty funny.
01:22 So Betsy is a teacher of improv at UCB.
01:27 I am, so we're in New York.
01:29 I'm an actor.
01:30 I took improv because it was the one kind of acting
01:34 that I was terrified of.
01:36 And I was like, I'm gonna make myself do this.
01:38 And so, yeah, that's what improv is, right?
01:41 But anyone who's not familiar with the whole improv scene,
01:47 it's dominated by boys.
01:50 I'm gonna say boys, not even men.
01:52 Young men, like in their 20s and 30s.
01:55 And they're really cool.
01:56 They know all the, you know,
01:58 they know all the what's trending
02:00 and all the things that we don't know anymore, right?
02:04 - Right.
02:05 - So I was pretty pregnant at the time
02:08 and I walk in the room and I see my instructor
02:12 and it's Betsy and she's just as pregnant as me.
02:16 - I forgot about that.
02:19 I remember you being pregnant,
02:20 but I forgot the detail that I was also pregnant.
02:23 - Yes, and I was like, oh my God,
02:26 these poor guys, they're gonna be,
02:28 but it made me feel better.
02:29 Like, at least I'm not the only old female
02:33 pregnant person in the room.
02:35 Not that you're old,
02:36 but we were older than them, for sure.
02:39 - But yeah, they were all like 23
02:41 and we were adult women who were having babies.
02:45 (laughing)
02:47 Yeah.
02:48 - Yeah, so that was good.
02:50 So you made that easier.
02:52 And one other quick story.
02:53 I remember that it was really, really hot one day
02:57 when we had class, like over a hundred degrees hot.
03:00 And Betsy sent out a message, like telling people
03:03 they didn't have to come to class.
03:05 It was so hot.
03:06 I don't even know if there was air conditioning.
03:09 And I fricking came to class and I was like,
03:11 if the pregnant woman can come
03:13 and the other pregnant woman can teach,
03:16 you 20 year olds, you're like snowflaking out here.
03:22 So we both showed up on a hot day.
03:24 - Right, we did.
03:26 We did, we were both there.
03:28 - How's it going over there in the land of teenager?
03:30 'Cause it's...
03:32 - It's rough.
03:36 - It's rough.
03:37 - It's rough.
03:38 So both of our--
03:38 - It's better in a lot of ways, right?
03:40 - Yeah, I mean, there are people that you can talk to
03:45 and enjoy certain things with and watch movies
03:48 that would have been inappropriate or probably still are.
03:51 - Yeah.
03:52 - But then again, they're also people
03:54 and they have opinions.
03:57 - Yes, yes, they do.
03:58 They have a lot of sassy, strong opinions.
04:01 - How do you deal with it?
04:06 What's your, are you improv mom?
04:08 Are you funny?
04:09 Are you like blowing it all up and being funny?
04:11 Or are you strict mom?
04:13 - A little bit of, call them A and B.
04:18 I was raised without a lot of boundaries.
04:22 And so it wasn't strict in a lot of ways
04:26 and everything was kind of loosey goosey.
04:28 And so my response to that is like,
04:32 I've got to have boundaries and rules
04:34 and I've got to make sure that my children
04:37 can count on what's what.
04:39 But then I'm also married to another improviser
04:44 and he was raised by perfectly lovely people
04:49 with boundaries, good boundaries.
04:51 He is much more like loosey goosey about everything.
04:54 So I do tend to be the bad cop
04:56 and he tends to be the good cop.
04:58 But I also think that tends to be the case
05:02 in a lot of heterosexual parent-child relationships.
05:07 - Yeah, I think mom does tend to be the bad cop
05:11 a lot of the time.
05:13 More often than not.
05:14 - Right, because, well, my thought is like,
05:17 I'm the one that has to get a lot of shit done around here.
05:19 And if no one's behaving,
05:20 mom is like the CEO of the family a lot of the time.
05:25 - Yeah, well, and also it's like,
05:29 are we allowed to swear on here?
05:30 - Oh, swear away.
05:32 - Okay.
05:33 I think moms know, if we fuck up,
05:36 no one is gonna be, I mean, some people may be,
05:38 but most people are gonna be like,
05:40 what did their mother do?
05:42 Right?
05:43 - Right, it's all about the mother.
05:45 - It's all about the mother and her failing.
05:47 And so I'm also like, oh gosh,
05:50 especially when they're 13, it's like,
05:52 oh my gosh, we're running out of time.
05:54 I got five more years to train you into being a person
05:58 and then you're gonna be out there
05:59 doing all kinds of wild stuff.
06:01 And if it's bad, they're gonna blame me.
06:04 - Totally.
06:05 - I've got to deal with good things.
06:08 - Yeah, I keep, when he is being not good,
06:12 I think to myself, he wouldn't be doing this
06:14 if I had done better up to this point.
06:16 I obviously did not train the child well enough.
06:19 - Yes, if I had been perfect, you would be perfect.
06:22 - Right, not gonna happen.
06:23 We're not.
06:24 - It's not, what a weird lie that we tell ourselves.
06:27 - No, not at all.
06:29 So you moved out to the sunny California years ago, yeah.
06:34 - Yes, we were in Brooklyn there for
06:37 about three years of kids.
06:41 And then we came out to California
06:44 to mostly just pan for gold
06:47 and stake our claim on territory.
06:52 None of that's true.
06:54 But we did come out here to pursue our entertainment dreams.
06:58 - Metaphorically, you were panning for gold.
07:00 - Yeah, metaphorically we were panning for gold
07:03 and hoping to stake our claim
07:05 in that maybe one day we'll own a home.
07:09 But yeah, the nice thing was that my husband
07:12 was working for a company that at the time
07:14 was just coming out here.
07:15 And then of course the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
07:18 where we both work also is out here.
07:20 And a lot of our friends had already moved out here.
07:22 And you know that having kids in New York City
07:25 is really hard.
07:26 It's not a city that even tolerates kids so much.
07:31 - They're like a real father, really.
07:34 - Yeah, they're a real, yeah.
07:36 It's an adult, it's a city for adults.
07:39 Yeah, so coming out to California,
07:41 it was like, you can drive places,
07:43 you don't have to carry all your groceries home.
07:46 You don't have to worry about your child
07:48 running into the subway mouth on the tracks.
07:53 - Right, running out into the street.
07:56 Yeah, but I didn't know, I've never lived in LA.
08:00 I've been there.
08:00 It is more child-friendly.
08:03 - It is more child-friendly.
08:04 It definitely is.
08:06 Yeah, 'cause you can, if any,
08:08 at the very least you can drive places
08:10 and people don't have to encounter your children,
08:13 if anything.
08:14 - Right, and in a closed vehicle.
08:17 - And at the very least, if you need to change your baby
08:20 and there isn't a changing station,
08:22 you change them in your car.
08:24 - I know.
08:24 I pulled over on the side of the road one day
08:27 to change my kid.
08:28 And I pulled in front of someone's house,
08:30 not on the property, not in the driveway.
08:33 The man came out yelling at me.
08:36 And I've never forgotten that man.
08:39 - Isn't that funny how we remember?
08:42 - Yeah, just random things.
08:43 - My husband and I went to the Westminster Dog Show
08:48 one year.
08:49 - Oh, cool.
08:50 - And it was on Valentine's Day.
08:54 And when you come early, you can kind of be there all day
08:58 watching all kinds of dog events.
08:59 And you can kind of sit wherever.
09:02 But then there are some seats where
09:04 if the ticket holder shows up,
09:06 then they can just say, "Hey, these are our seats."
09:08 And you go, find a different seat.
09:11 And I'll never forget this older man
09:13 was so mean to us for sitting in his seats.
09:17 It's like 15 years later and I'm still like,
09:20 that fucking old man.
09:21 - That man, you'll remember him forever.
09:23 - I will.
09:24 - I know.
09:25 There's something about that.
09:27 Someone's watching us from New Zealand.
09:29 Hi, Tina from New Zealand.
09:31 - Hello, Kiwi friend.
09:33 - Wow.
09:34 Okay, cool.
09:36 I was also thinking about the fact that
09:40 since both of our oldest children are about the same age,
09:45 both of our youngest children are about the same age,
09:48 but I only have two and you have three.
09:51 - Yes.
09:52 - So, how did you get...
09:55 You can see I didn't even...
09:59 How did you get this pickle?
10:00 No, how did you know you were ready to have another?
10:02 Because that's why my kids are so far apart
10:05 because I can't even think about having another kid
10:07 till they're like really old
10:09 'cause I can't deal with a lot of little kids.
10:12 - Well, I...
10:14 So, I have a lot of siblings.
10:17 So, my parents had me and then when they divorced,
10:22 my dad remarried and had three children with my stepmom
10:26 and my mom adopted three more children.
10:29 So, I'm used to being one of four in any given situation
10:34 and I am one of seven.
10:37 So, I knew that I wanted to have a few kids.
10:42 I was pretty sure I wanted to have at least three
10:46 'cause that felt like normal to me.
10:49 And two of my brothers are 18 months apart
10:54 and they have always had a beautiful relationship,
10:57 just like best friends, just peas and carrots, those two.
11:01 And they really compliment each other well in so many ways.
11:05 And I was like, wow, as someone who was at least,
11:09 at least eight years older than my next sibling,
11:12 I really wanted my kids to have what I didn't have,
11:17 which in addition to just having the same parents
11:22 and living in the same house,
11:25 was just like, yeah, like being able to play
11:27 with each other.
11:28 'Cause I was always like a little adult
11:31 and I didn't have anyone to play with.
11:32 So, I wanted that for them.
11:36 And so, I ended up having my first two 20 months apart,
11:41 which in a lot of ways was really great
11:44 because they are the bestest of frenemies.
11:48 - Yeah.
11:49 - But I think, especially when they're older,
11:54 I think that's gonna be really valuable.
11:56 - Yeah, I think so.
11:58 - But it was like hell on earth there.
12:01 I mean, it was really hard.
12:03 - Yeah. - It was really hard.
12:04 - I mean, I find it very hard with one, so yeah,
12:08 two, that little.
12:09 I don't know, some people don't let the chaos bother them.
12:15 And I've tried to be that person,
12:16 but I'm never gonna be that person.
12:18 - Me neither.
12:20 - No, I'm a Virgo, I'm a firstborn.
12:24 Yeah, I'm a perfectionist.
12:25 Yeah, I mean, so much of parenting is though,
12:31 letting go of control and capitulating to that chaos.
12:37 Improviser, I am, in a lot of ways,
12:42 I am very comfortable in chaos
12:45 and sort of trying to find my little corner of control
12:49 in the chaos.
12:50 But a scene is one thing, your life is a whole other thing.
12:57 I used to feel a lot more in control
13:00 until the pandemic and lockdown started.
13:04 And then I was like, everything's terrible.
13:08 - Yeah, I was like, do whatever you need to do
13:10 to not feel like you're driving me crazy.
13:14 - Drink vodka all day and you can be on screens 24/7.
13:19 - That's what happens, yeah.
13:20 - Yeah.
13:21 - That happens to everybody though.
13:24 And I think we lost some ground
13:26 that we won't get back because of that.
13:29 - 100%, 100%.
13:32 - So it's just-
13:33 - Yeah, screen restrictions, it is 2023
13:37 and we are still nowhere near
13:39 where we were before the pandemic.
13:42 - Oh, us neither.
13:43 And my kids go to a Waldorf school
13:46 that technically has a no media policy.
13:49 And I'm saying this on the internet.
13:50 So please people from that school don't kick us out.
13:54 But yeah, they're not supposed to have media
13:56 up until a certain grade.
13:57 And then after that, only on the weekends.
14:00 And I don't fully violate it 'cause I have some rules.
14:05 But my kids have no media.
14:08 You're shocked.
14:09 - I'm sorry, go back.
14:11 The school that you pay money to send your children to.
14:18 - Told you, a lot of money.
14:20 Told you, you're not allowed to show your kids media
14:25 until a certain age and even then only on the weekends.
14:29 - They do say that.
14:30 I get the concept and all in theory sounds lovely
14:35 and would work.
14:36 - Oh yeah.
14:37 - Everyone could do it.
14:38 It would be great.
14:39 And our kids would grow up and be like
14:40 little house on the prairie.
14:42 - Yes.
14:44 - It doesn't work that way in real world all the time.
14:49 I work from home.
14:49 - No.
14:50 - No.
14:51 - Yeah, but you sound like my son
14:56 'cause of course he hates that policy.
14:58 And he's like, wait, we pay the school.
15:01 They can't tell us what we can do when we're at home.
15:04 You're paying them.
15:05 I'm like, dude, you don't know how big
15:07 of a scholarship you're on.
15:09 - Your kids going up to cops.
15:13 I pay your salary.
15:15 - Right, exactly.
15:15 - They can't arrest me.
15:16 - They can't give us a ticket.
15:19 We pay for them.
15:20 - Exactly.
15:21 - That is 13 year old reasoning if I ever heard it.
15:24 - Oh yeah.
15:25 Oh yeah.
15:27 - Yeah.
15:27 - Yeah, screens are a whole, yeah.
15:31 It's a sensitive subject in the house.
15:35 - It is.
15:36 We're like twitching when we think about it.
15:37 Well, this next thing I'm gonna ask you
15:40 could be a much larger, more serious conversation
15:43 but I don't wanna have a serious conversation.
15:45 I don't know about you.
15:46 But I loved when your podcast first came out
15:50 and the name of the podcast is "Why Mommy Drinks."
15:53 I thought that was a great title.
15:54 I love it.
15:55 Now, of course I do drink.
15:57 And this was a little before the whole,
16:00 like it really, the sober mom movement really kicked in
16:04 when you started.
16:06 But now I feel like there's a backlash
16:09 against moms drinking at all almost
16:13 or just talking about it online
16:15 like as if it's a glamorization or promoting.
16:17 I don't know.
16:18 I was wondering, did you have a backlash?
16:20 How do you deal with that?
16:21 What are your thoughts?
16:23 - Great question.
16:25 Yeah, when we started "Why Mommy Drinks"
16:28 felt right for a few reasons.
16:30 One, it was taking advantage of wine mom culture
16:35 which was just, we were right in the middle of it.
16:40 And it truly-
16:43 - They are why we drink.
16:45 - And they are why I was drinking quite a bit.
16:48 But yeah, as time went on and mom culture
16:56 had like a big backlash, you know,
17:02 that's fair like from moms themselves for the most part
17:06 but also from outside of that.
17:08 Yeah, people were like, "Ew, I don't like the..."
17:10 Yeah, like the title was definitely a turnoff
17:12 for some people.
17:13 And if we were to rename it,
17:14 we'd probably rename it something else, but.
17:16 - Why Mommy Smokes Sweet.
17:20 No, I'm just kidding.
17:20 - Why Mommy's on Death.
17:22 (laughing)
17:23 - Right, that's a whole other story.
17:25 - But I don't know.
17:29 I felt like the title was to the point.
17:32 It was just like, "Oh, look, I'm broken.
17:34 I need a drink."
17:36 And this is why.
17:37 And in every episode, we're gonna tell you
17:39 why we're kind of broken this week.
17:42 But also like, yeah, fucking a lot of moms do drink
17:49 and right or wrong, a lot of them use that to cope
17:52 and, "Hey man, get off our jocks."
17:55 (laughing)
17:56 Just trying to do their fucking best.
17:58 - Right, right.
17:59 I mean, we're sensitive to people who are struggling.
18:02 - Over.
18:03 - But we're, yeah, we're not saying everyone should.
18:06 - No.
18:07 - We're just saying we need a drink.
18:09 - Yeah, it's not called why mommy ought to drink
18:12 all the time.
18:13 And if you don't, you're out of the club.
18:16 Yeah.
18:17 - Yeah, yeah.
18:17 Okay, I felt like that was something we have to talk about.
18:20 It's very--
18:21 - Thank you.
18:22 I think that was a great question.
18:24 - You're very welcome.
18:25 Well, Betsy, I could talk to you all night,
18:27 but I'm sure nobody wants to watch us hang out all night.
18:29 But this was super fun.
18:32 And you guys should check out Betsy on all the places.
18:34 She's Betsy-Stover on Instagram, I believe.
18:38 - Betsy.Stover.
18:39 - Dot, dot.
18:40 Betsy.Stover.
18:42 - Betsy-Stover on Venmo though,
18:44 if you just want to send her some money.
18:46 - If you want to send her some money.
18:48 Yeah, Venmo her.
18:50 That's great.
18:52 Thank you for talking with me.
18:53 This has been super fun.
18:55 - It is such a thrill to get to see you.
18:57 I could talk to you all night.
18:58 - I know, same.
18:59 Well, we'll have to think of something fun to do together.
19:02 So yeah.
19:03 Okay, everybody go check her out.
19:05 - All right.
19:06 Good night, everyone.
19:07 Thank you.
19:08 - Bye.
19:09 - Bye.
19:09 [BLANK_AUDIO]
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