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The FourFourTwo podcast is back with another engaging episode! Join us as we build our ultimate combined XIs, debate the best goalkeepers, and discuss players who embody the spirit of the game. Get ready for some lively football talk!
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00:00He's basically Enhanced Hoof. He looks a little bit like Bill Nighy's rat in Flushed Away, but I've...
00:06He does! He really does.
00:08If these were like Premier League rules, I'd be getting $114 million charges for my picks here.
00:13True, true. I might have to kick you off for this episode.
00:15Holy ****, the order's full English.
00:18He's at the Irish pub every day.
00:20Yeah, but don't tell him it's an Irish pub.
00:22Yeah, absolutely not.
00:27This is 4-4-2's 4-4-2's, where we're picking combined 11s, with Mark, with Joe, and myself, Matt.
00:35From a football cliche to a passing thought, and today's episode is players you would love to see do it
00:40on a cold, rainy night at Stoke.
00:43This is excellent. Honestly...
00:45It separates the men from the boys.
00:46Starting strong.
00:47Just a couple of guys hanging around, hanging about, you know, naming old football players.
00:51Just all present. All present.
00:53Naming names. Yeah, I feel like we should...
00:54Some criteria. Players you'd love to see at Stoke.
00:56Yeah.
00:58Dead or alive, anywhere in the world.
01:00Basically, the only rule is there are no rules.
01:02Okay.
01:03And that's about it.
01:04Right, we'll kick things off for the goalkeeper.
01:05Joe, I'm going to start.
01:06Seems a good place to start.
01:07Yeah.
01:08And, you know, in the nature of being controversial to begin with, I've gone with a pretty interesting pick.
01:14He has had some choice opinions to say, and he's wrong for these opinions.
01:18But as a goalkeeper, purely as a goalkeeper, he was box office.
01:23I've gone with José Luis Chilover.
01:26So am I?
01:27So you haven't?
01:28Why?
01:28No, you haven't.
01:29I'll show you.
01:29Am I?
01:30We need to know why.
01:31Your first name?
01:33F***ing.
01:33Of all the goalkeepers.
01:35Right, go on.
01:36Let's hear your explanation behind this.
01:38He's box office.
01:40I reckon.
01:41He's mental.
01:42Yeah.
01:42You know what they say about goalkeepers?
01:44They're all a bit, you know, screw loose.
01:46Yeah.
01:47Because to play in the one position which is different, you have to have a little bit.
01:51He was just, he was one of one, to say the least.
01:56Do you reckon he could point to Stoke on a map?
01:58No, absolutely not.
01:58I'm not sure he could point to England on a map.
02:01He could barely point to Paraguay.
02:03True.
02:04I reckon I could point to Paraguay.
02:06Yeah, but he's from Paraguay.
02:07Could you?
02:09Well, yeah.
02:10You can't judge him for not point to England if you can't.
02:13I've played my fair share of GeoGuessr.
02:14I'd be on the right content.
02:16Middle of South America.
02:17Yeah.
02:18That's what I'm picking.
02:19There we go.
02:19I reckon I could.
02:20So you've both gone for Chilover.
02:22Yeah.
02:23Yeah.
02:23Because he's a nutter.
02:24Basically, as you were saying it, I thought, he's going to go for Chilover.
02:27He's going to go for Chilover.
02:28And he has.
02:29Yeah.
02:30He's the only goalkeeper to have hit the woodwork at a World Cup.
02:33No goalkeeper has ever scored at a World Cup.
02:36He's come close enough.
02:37Right.
02:38So, yeah, I just thought, I mean, given that Stoke and their prime were all about the set
02:47pieces, I thought, chuck a goalkeeper on them.
02:49That was my thinking.
02:50Who takes set pieces.
02:51I feel like we should preface this for anyone who doesn't know.
02:53Yeah, yeah.
02:53He is a notorious goal scorer and take your off free kicks and penalties.
02:56So that went into my thinking.
02:59Also, the whole kind of him being, like you said, the screw loose.
03:03Yeah.
03:03Absolutely off his head.
03:04I thought, perfect.
03:05So we're going to pick this 11 to kind of beat Stoke, right?
03:08Prime Stoke.
03:09Yeah.
03:09This is 2008 to 2012.
03:13Yeah.
03:13This is basically Prime Pulis complaining that he's owed an FA Cup from Man City.
03:17This is the team.
03:19Well, now I feel like we've got to go with you guys.
03:22I actually went along the same line of someone absolutely mental who wouldn't be phased by
03:27facing a tough Stoke crowd in Oliver Kahn.
03:29Oh, okay.
03:30That's a good pick.
03:31He's a good pick as well.
03:32Because he's mental.
03:33Again, could he point to Stoke on the map?
03:34Probably not.
03:35I feel like he's dealt with bigger opposition.
03:38I think the key criteria that I was thinking about with this one was, okay, Stoke have got
03:43Roy DeLapp throwing one into the box and we've got Ricardo Fuller backing into the goalkeeper.
03:48True.
03:48Which goalkeeper is going to take no ****?
03:50And I thought, there's an equal chance that he punches it clear or he kind of just goes,
03:56you know what, I'm going to punch the back of the head of the striker.
03:59And I thought, you know what?
03:59But Stoke doesn't go in, we're totally fine.
04:01Exactly.
04:01Yeah, yeah.
04:01If I'm not mistaken, he has once been done for punching a player.
04:06I don't want to be sued, but I believe it is on his Wikipedia page.
04:11If not, I do apologize personally to the nation of Parabois.
04:16For spreading harsh realities around our goalkeeper.
04:19But he wouldn't, I mean, he'd probably, he'd probably claim it if he hasn't.
04:22He'd probably be like, yep, I did that.
04:24Right, we'll go with Shilover.
04:25We'll go with him in golf.
04:26Easy enough.
04:27Mark, we're switching to you for a right back.
04:29I'm pretty sure you haven't got this one.
04:30I've gone with former England captain, who was sent off in more games than he finished.
04:36I've gone with Gary Whackett.
04:39The legend, Gary Whackett from Mike Bassett, England manager.
04:42He's excellent.
04:43Very good.
04:45We didn't say he can be fictional, but here we are.
04:48No, but he's the guy who, if you've not seen the film, he's asked to give a team talk.
04:53Okay, Whacko, lead him out.
04:55Let's f***ing kill him!
05:00I will caveat that if you do look at the kind of, the tactical makeup of Bassett's England,
05:07he's probably either a left back or a left centre back.
05:09So I've got him at right back.
05:11Right.
05:11But I just think he's not really, like, it doesn't matter where you play him.
05:16He's not there to play.
05:17He's not going to suddenly become tame at right back as opposed to left back.
05:20No, he, yeah.
05:22And I will also say that England did get better after he was sent home from the World Cup in
05:26Brazil
05:27because he was fighting with the locals and the other fans.
05:30But I just think, like you said, we're out stoking Stoke here.
05:35You've got to go with Whacko.
05:37We're two players in and this has already gone way, way further left field than I thought it would.
05:42Yeah, we've gone hard.
05:43That's astonishingly good.
05:45That is so good.
05:46Can you top that?
05:48No.
05:48And I don't think, I've gone with Tony Hibbert.
05:53First time they've seen him in the same conversation.
05:55Never scored a goal famously in the Premier League.
05:57And, you know, one of the most insane pieces of skill in Barclays Premier League history,
06:01you know, put your foot on the ball, drag it back a little bit, move to the side,
06:04put your foot on the ball, drag it back a little bit.
06:06And they'll be at your back where you started.
06:09Just, I feel like with this team, if they are going to beat Prime Stoke,
06:13you need a little bit of stability.
06:17And admittedly, I think I've gone for one stable player and I've gone for him at right back.
06:22Because you can't have a team full of head cases, basically.
06:25I've gone for the head case.
06:27Exactly, yeah.
06:28It's a nice chalk and cheese there in our ways of thinking.
06:31Yeah.
06:32I think, you know, Chilover's at the back.
06:35He's barking orders in Spanish, presumably.
06:38True.
06:38Tony Hibbert, you know, he's been on holiday to Lanzarote a few times.
06:42You know, he does strong at me as a...
06:43Well, Wacko's probably got a timeshare in Benderdorf.
06:46Exactly.
06:47Yeah, but he hasn't ventured outside of the timeshare.
06:49No, he orders full English.
06:53He's at the Irish pub every day.
06:55Yeah, but don't tell him it's an Irish pub.
06:57Yeah, absolutely not.
06:59Oh, wow, those all seem fairly tame.
07:01I've gone for Moritz Voltz.
07:03Ooh, former Arsenal and Fulham rubber.
07:05Yeah, I'm not picking on Germans here, but he once said,
07:09basically, he used to make cakes.
07:11I don't know if you knew about this.
07:12Moritz Voltz is a baker.
07:13And he once said,
07:14when we play the big clubs like Arsenal and Man Utd,
07:17I make a biscuit-based cake with bananas and a dusting of green tea.
07:20If we were playing more rugged teams like Blackburn Rovers,
07:23I would make something a lot heavier like carrot cake with nuts.
07:26Wow.
07:27And so it crossed my mind.
07:29I wonder what he'd make for Stoke.
07:31So that's why I would choose him, just to see what he'd make.
07:34So you're going for a gravel cake?
07:37Yeah.
07:38True, yeah.
07:39He's eating tarmac.
07:40What is the toughest cake?
07:43That you would make?
07:44What represents?
07:45A rock cake, I guess.
07:46Yeah.
07:47Rock buns.
07:48Rock buns, yeah.
07:48What's that?
07:49Did you ever make them at school?
07:50No.
07:51A rock bun?
07:52Yeah, like food tech.
07:53Pretty sure my mum's made them a couple of times.
07:55Yeah, I mean, mine always came out quite literally rock hard.
07:57Yeah, yeah.
07:58What is it?
07:59As it says, it's like a...
08:01A bun.
08:01Like a hot cross bun.
08:02Yeah, but it's rock hard.
08:04Or at least mine did.
08:05It's like, yeah.
08:06It should be like, knock it.
08:08You can dust them.
08:09Yeah, you can dust them.
08:10You could probably play the steel drums if you had to.
08:13If we ever meet Moritzvold, I'm going to ask him.
08:15Yeah.
08:16Stoke away.
08:17What cake would you have made?
08:18I do like that, though, as a pick.
08:20I really do.
08:21Don't get me wrong.
08:22Wacko's a great shout.
08:23Yeah.
08:23Hibbert's a bit of a cop-out from me.
08:25Sorry, Tony.
08:26I'd actually go with Wacko.
08:29Let's go Wacko.
08:30Yeah?
08:30It could be a recipe for disaster before we've even got to the right centre-back.
08:34Was that a cake pun?
08:36Very good.
08:38There you go.
08:38Very good.
08:39Your brain's been overtime recently.
08:41Oh.
08:41Working overtime.
08:42We'll get to that a little bit later.
08:44Right, centre-backs.
08:46Do you want to do two at once?
08:48No, no.
08:48We'll go.
08:49We'll go.
08:49We'll go one at a time.
08:50One at a time.
08:51This feels like a fairly obvious pick, but Pepe.
08:53I've gone with Pepe.
08:55That's good.
08:55I've gone with Pepe.
08:56I don't think I can...
08:57Let's just get him in there now.
08:59He booted a guy when he was on the floor at Real Madrid against Getafe, I believe, and
09:02got a 10-game ban.
09:05See, I went with Pepe because Ramos is like Pepe with culture.
09:11Pepe is just like animal.
09:14He is a complete...
09:15Like, he has no kind of like...
09:18My only worry is that the Stoke fans will appreciate him.
09:22Yeah.
09:22We don't want that.
09:23We want them to boo.
09:25Yeah, potentially.
09:26It's not good at some parks.
09:27They're not going to boo that.
09:28No, no.
09:29Yeah, I went with Pepe just because he's pure adrenaline running through his veins and nothing
09:34else.
09:35He will think nothing of...
09:37He'd deal with Ricardo Fulham.
09:38Yeah.
09:38Yeah, yeah.
09:39Peter Crouch.
09:40Mamie Biramjouf.
09:41He was Kenwin Jones there in that time.
09:43Yeah, yeah, he was.
09:44Yeah.
09:44That's a tough forward line to face.
09:47A lot of lines.
09:48I don't think he'd give a ****.
09:49He's not going to shrink at all.
09:51Yeah.
09:52He's not going to shrink for the Britannia boo either.
09:54No.
09:54Or the better V65 boo.
09:56He's seen worse at the weekends.
09:58He's, you know.
09:59True.
10:00Who have you gone with?
10:01I've gone with Mick McCarthy.
10:03Specifically Celtic era Mick McCarthy.
10:06Are you going to do the lick in the camera though?
10:07Yeah.
10:08I'm not going to do the careless me because I didn't know he was a centre-back.
10:12Really?
10:12Yeah, I didn't actually know that.
10:13He was just hard, no-nonsense, like 80s central defender when the, I can't remember which team
10:21it was, he was playing for, but I think Margaret Thatcher wanted to meet them and he just point
10:25blank refused because he's the son of a minor from Larnsley.
10:29You know, he makes no apologies for who he is and what he thinks.
10:32So I was, again, thinking about that forward line of Stoke.
10:36Who's going to just, you know, those little John Terry-isms where you kind of just, you're
10:40getting into the player.
10:42I thought Mick McCarthy's perfect.
10:44We can't go with Mick McCarthy, can we?
10:46We can.
10:47We can.
10:48There you go.
10:48I think we do go with Pepe.
10:49I think we go with Pepe because we had a kind of a two-vote to one.
10:51Yeah, exactly.
10:52Yeah, yeah.
10:52God, I tell you what, this back line's mental.
10:54Right, Joe, I'm going to come back to you for the next centre-back.
10:57Present-day player.
10:58Yeah, actually.
10:58Oh, first one.
10:59Yeah.
11:00Not fictional.
11:02Not.
11:02And as far as we know, not a complete head case, but Luka Vuscovic.
11:07Oh, okay.
11:08I can see that, yeah.
11:09They sound sensible.
11:10Thinking set pieces.
11:12The guy was just knocking them in for fun at Hamburg last season.
11:16I think he's got one for Brighton this season, hasn't he?
11:19He does, yeah.
11:20I just think he's exactly what you need.
11:22If you're going to be, you're going to be playing the percentages of Stoke, you know,
11:25it's going to be ball-in play time, about 35 minutes.
11:28Yeah.
11:28You're going to need to maximise your opportunities when set plays come around.
11:32You want a big Croatian who's just going to head and kick anything.
11:36Oh, I feel like I've gone far too aggressive because that's sensible.
11:40More aggressive than Wacko?
11:42Yeah, true.
11:43In the centre-back pairings.
11:44That makes sense.
11:45Okay.
11:46I went with Marco Matarazzi.
11:48Oh, my.
11:48Are you going to finish?
11:49Is this 11 going to finish any 90 minutes?
11:51A man who famously picked up three red cards in 33 appearances for Everton.
11:56None of which were Stoke, by the way.
11:58That's a good effort.
11:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:59It's good.
12:00Three reds.
12:00Like, one red every 11 games.
12:03Yeah.
12:03It's mental.
12:04But now that you've said something sensible, I'm like,
12:07between him and Pepe, are we going to have a centre-back partnership at all?
12:10Big question.
12:11Which Stoke player is going to headbutt Marco Matarazzi?
12:13Yeah, true.
12:15Isn't that a shame that his career was being known as the guy who insulted Zidane and got headbite?
12:20Yeah.
12:20And then you think, I don't think he gives a s*** because he won the World Cup.
12:22It's got a legacy.
12:23Let's get your s*** tickled, I guess.
12:28True.
12:29Right, who have you gone with?
12:29So, I thought about who would be playing for Stoke on the opposite side,
12:33and I thought it would be Robert Hoof, the legend that is.
12:38I thought, literally, just go for, like, if you made Robert Hoof in a Petri dish,
12:45in a lab, but, like, bigger, like, broader, badder.
12:49I think I know who you're going for here.
12:51Who do you think I'm going with?
12:52Niklas Zula.
12:52I have gone with him.
12:54He looks a bit like...
12:56You're right.
12:56He's like a German turbocharged Robert Hoof.
12:59I mean, Robert Hoof also German.
13:00He is.
13:00He is basically Enhanced Hoof.
13:02He looks a little bit like Bill Nighy's rat in Flushed Away, but I've...
13:07He does!
13:08He really does.
13:09What a joke that is.
13:10Get it up.
13:10Get it up on the...
13:11Oh, my God.
13:12You can get two pictures, you know.
13:14Enhanced Hoof sounds like a...
13:16It sounds like a weird sort of, like, expose on Robert Hoof at the Enhanced Olympics.
13:21Yeah, yeah.
13:23That is...
13:23I just think Niklas Zula has obviously, you know, not done it the last few years.
13:28By the way...
13:28Not taught the German team.
13:29Playing in 8th Division German football.
13:32Is he actually?
13:32So if anyone follows Kreisliga in Germany, which is 8th or 9th.
13:378th, 9th.
13:37Anyway, yeah, he plays at the centre-mid.
13:39He even played in Gold the other day.
13:41Wow.
13:41So he's still in the German football system.
13:43He can play a bit.
13:44He's...
13:45He was okay on the ball.
13:46Yeah, yeah.
13:46He was good at, you know, good at...
13:48Was it Hoffenheim he was out at first?
13:50Yeah, it was at Hoffenheim, yeah.
13:51Yeah.
13:52So I just kind of thought...
13:53I thought it was a big move.
13:54Go with a bigger, badder Hoof, basically.
13:56That was my...
13:57Big, bad Hoof.
13:58That's what...
13:59That gets my vote.
14:00Big, bad Hoof.
14:00Yeah.
14:01Yeah, yeah.
14:01Absolutely, yeah.
14:02Okay.
14:02It's fantastic.
14:03Fight fire with fire.
14:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:04Yeah.
14:05Feuer with mid-feuer.
14:06Yeah.
14:07There you go.
14:07There we go.
14:08That's some GCSE German coming into...
14:10Oh, my God.
14:13Fantastic.
14:13Right.
14:13We've got a Hoof next to Pepe.
14:15Sorry, Hoof next to Pepe.
14:17Sula next to Pepe.
14:18That's mad.
14:19I actually have an honorary mention for centre-back.
14:21Why?
14:22Because I thought when doing this, I was like,
14:23Sean Dyche.
14:25He's just the most centre-back Stoke taking on centre-back.
14:30However, after some research, I found out that he went,
14:34and he actually did do it on a cold, rainy night in Stoke.
14:37And that was one of the criteria to say that...
14:40Yes.
14:40To say that he can't have done it.
14:43Oh.
14:44Wednesday, the 30th of October, 2002,
14:47he played 90 minutes in Watford's 2-1 victory away at Stoke,
14:50and in the most Sean Dyche thing ever,
14:52picked up a yellow car after eight minutes.
14:54For a loss.
14:54I bet it was going through someone.
14:56I really hope it was.
14:57Let him know you there for those five minutes, yeah.
15:00Here we go.
15:01He loves it.
15:02I took the opportunity.
15:03Yeah, you took the opportunity.
15:04It's fantastic.
15:05He was my honorary mention.
15:06It's perfect when I've had a night of heavy drinking the night before,
15:09and then my voice is an octave lower.
15:12Unfortunately, I haven't done that, so it's not quite excellent.
15:17Right, left back.
15:18Actually, we'll start with you.
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15:56Right then, back to the video.
15:58Yeah, I've not gone quite so psycho on this one.
16:01So, yeah, there are a few Arsenal fans that say that Martin Odegaard gets better when the sun's shining.
16:08He is particularly good in sunshine.
16:10But there's one Arsenal player who has got better the colder it was, and that was Kieran Tierney.
16:15It seems to be that the colder it was, the shorter his sleeves, and the better he would play.
16:21And I distinctly remember during lockdown him sort of cutting in off the left and hitting one with his weaker
16:28foot sort of top bends.
16:30So I thought about the cold, rainy night in Stoke, and I thought who would come out of his shell
16:35the most, and I thought of Kieran Tierney.
16:36A Scotsman?
16:37Yes, yeah.
16:38Can you attest to that as a Scotsman?
16:40I can, yes.
16:41Yeah, I'd say that, you know, that's his natural habitat.
16:44He did an interview with 442 after the famous taking a carrier bag to train.
16:51Everybody has their designer backpack, so he had a carrier bag.
16:54And, yeah, we said to him something about how, you know, you're really down to earth because you can't take
17:00a carrier bag.
17:01And he said, yeah, all my mates back home have said I've gone up in the world because I've got
17:04Tescos.
17:05I used to have Lidl.
17:07So, sense of humor.
17:08Very good.
17:09Very good.
17:10I think I might pick him just for that.
17:11That's fantastic.
17:12Who have you gone for, Joe?
17:13I've gone for a little bit of a Latin flair.
17:16I'm thinking short sleeves but gloves.
17:20I'm just, that aesthetic as a fan who's, sorry, as a player who's coming to the Britannia.
17:25Let's call it, it's going to be the Britannia.
17:27It is.
17:27Yeah, true.
17:29Gloves and short sleeve.
17:31Yeah, gloves and short sleeves.
17:32I've gone for Jean Beausjour, ex-Wigan.
17:35Chile.
17:36Chilean.
17:37South America getting a lot of airtime today.
17:39Someone that I think can run that line all day long.
17:43And, you know, in my team, obviously, Hibbert was at right back.
17:45I was thinking, you know, Hibbert's going to just tuck in.
17:48We're going to have three at the back.
17:49Mike, those two.
17:50So there's Wacko.
17:52Exactly.
17:52Wacko's going to sit as well.
17:53He doesn't want.
17:55No.
17:55Everyone else does his running for him.
17:57Running is for pansies.
18:00Tackling, that's for hard men.
18:04Well, yeah, I thought, Jean Beausjour, he's going to go on the outside, on the overlap,
18:07and whoever else in this team.
18:10There's a little bit of a Spanish flair.
18:12If memory serves me correctly, didn't he go from Wigan to Villarreal?
18:17He might have done.
18:18It's a well-trodden path.
18:19Yeah.
18:19Like, the least trodden path.
18:21Yeah.
18:22In, like, the Thomas Cook brochure, but, like.
18:24Yeah.
18:25Wigan to Villarreal.
18:25Actually, having said that, I might be talking actually crap now.
18:28I feel like Antonio Valencia went from Villarreal to Wigan.
18:31Oh, there you go.
18:32Or something.
18:33Yeah.
18:33I mean, who was scouting for Wigan in this same period?
18:39Because they got, you know, Mauro Buscelli, who was not a success.
18:43Obviously, they had Valencia, they had Meno Figueroa.
18:45Figueroa?
18:46Jean Beausjour.
18:47You know, they were scouting from Central and South America and going.
18:53Chris Kirkland?
18:54He'd tear it up at the DW.
18:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:56They were Brighton before Brighton, really.
18:58Looking in there.
19:00Wigan walked to Brighton, could run.
19:01Exactly.
19:02Yeah.
19:02Tell Tony Bolin that.
19:03Honestly, I feel like I would say about 10 times in this episode,
19:07I'll let us know in the comments, but they'd be far too much.
19:09People would be writing essays.
19:10Pick one thing that you think you have, yeah, authority on.
19:14Who's your left bug?
19:15Mark Cucureo.
19:16Oh.
19:18For ultimate s***, Housery.
19:20It's good.
19:20Yeah.
19:21I wonder if Stoke could deal with resisting the temptation to pull his hair.
19:27No.
19:28In that era.
19:29Yeah.
19:29But then could he resist the temptation to hack anyone down?
19:33Yeah, also probably not.
19:35But that's a Mark Cucureo thing.
19:37I also wondered how much water weight his hair would take before he slowed down.
19:40That's a good question.
19:42And would that make him heavier in the challenge if he's, you know, like a sponge?
19:45You're like John Tickle from Berenia.
19:47Really asking the scientific questions.
19:49What reference is that?
19:51Yeah, he's not running through custard.
19:54I remember that one.
19:55Yeah, yeah.
19:55That was genius.
19:56Yeah.
19:56It's Mark Cucureo with sopping wet hair.
19:58How heavy does he look?
19:59I'm voting for Cucureo on that.
20:01Oh, really?
20:02Because even still, you know, Stoke rain is different rain.
20:04Yeah, yeah.
20:05Very different.
20:06Yeah.
20:08I'm going Cucureo as well.
20:10All right.
20:10It's a great show.
20:11Yeah, an MC.
20:12Into midfield then.
20:13Right.
20:13I've actually gone down the route that I think you mentioned about set pieces.
20:17Okay.
20:18I've gone with Bex.
20:20Okay.
20:22Set pieces against Stoke are going to be a big deal, especially with that wind.
20:27Also, the fact that he's like the poster boy of beauty.
20:32And, not my words.
20:34Up against Rory Dillat.
20:36Yeah.
20:36Up against Stoke, where you kind of grimace just thinking about it.
20:40I'm not saying people from Stoke are ugly at all.
20:42I'm not saying Tony Poulos is.
20:43What a disclaimer.
20:44Tony Poulos is probably a handsome man to somebody.
20:47But I feel like Beckham just is the ultimate kind of anti-Stoke contrast.
20:52But I did also say, by the way, like, we're bashing the idea of Stoke.
20:58A very successful Tony Poulos side could have an FA Cup.
21:02So, it's not all bad.
21:03Yeah.
21:04You do need a bit of-
21:05They were effective.
21:05Effect ball quality.
21:06But, yeah, I'd like set pieces.
21:09You'd like-
21:09I've gone similar, actually.
21:11I've gone for Maradona.
21:14Yeah.
21:15Maradona and Stoke?
21:17Just because, you know, we're talking about quality.
21:21Yeah, we're talking about somebody with genuine world-class quality.
21:24And, yeah, when I spoke to Peter Crouch a few years ago, he was telling me that Aaron Ramsey
21:31came up to him at Stoke and was like, how high is the grass here?
21:34Like, this is ridiculous.
21:36And he was going, that's just how we cut it here.
21:38That's just what we do.
21:39Like, if you've ever seen the pitches that Maradona played in Mexico.
21:43True.
21:44Like, I'd like to see what he'd do on the, you know, I'd like to see what the Britannia
21:48groundsman would do to try and foil Maradona.
21:51Like, would it be potholes?
21:52Would it be, like, mousetraps?
21:54What would they, you know, what would they do?
21:57Didn't Chelsea make their pitch, like, really sandy when Ronaldinho came to Sanford Bridge?
22:02I remember they did it against Charlton in the early 2000s.
22:05Yeah.
22:05And the Charlton fans sang The Green, Green Grass of Home by Tom Jones, which is brilliant.
22:10Very good.
22:11Good little Stoke reference in there, Tom Jones.
22:14You didn't even think of that, did you?
22:15No.
22:16No.
22:16God, you were just on.
22:18I feel like they did it when Ronaldinho scored that mad.
22:21The Tope oak.
22:22Yeah.
22:23It was that, or it was for a game when Messi came and they basically made the pitch horrendous.
22:28I mean, that is ridiculous.
22:30However, kind of admire the s**thousery behind it.
22:33Just be like, we're sacrificing everything.
22:36Who have you gone for?
22:37Maradona's brilliant.
22:38Right wing, I've gone for Rafinha.
22:41Because I did see a Rafinha leads up close and personal for many years, well, two years,
22:49and many times playing at places like the Hawthorns, just ran the show.
22:54It was cold.
22:55It was like the end of December.
22:56This is kind of the reference game that I'm using here.
22:58Right.
22:59End of December, cold.
23:00Yeah, there was no fans because it was COVID, but he just absolutely ran it.
23:04And I thought, you need that sort of, that maverick to just glide past.
23:09Similar to your, you know, Maradona thing.
23:11Yeah, true.
23:12Yeah.
23:13I think there's a lot of thought that's gone into these three.
23:16This is possibly the closest one of the people we've had.
23:18Yeah.
23:19I mean, you know, Beckham, Maradona, Rafinha, they've all, you know, earned their stripes
23:24in the world of football.
23:25Yeah.
23:27Hell of an eye out.
23:28Oh, yeah.
23:29Yeah.
23:30Oh, I'm not sure who to go with.
23:32I feel like someone's going to budge.
23:33I'm going to swing from Beckham to Maradona.
23:35Okay.
23:36Let's go Maradona.
23:36Yeah.
23:37I just feel like you can't ignore him.
23:38Maradona at Stoke.
23:39I don't think there's a pitch that could stop him in some sort of way or genius.
23:43I mean, look, look at those, the clips from the Azteca in 1986.
23:46There were patches, which are pretty barren.
23:48True.
23:49And the run that he goes on when the camera sort of zooms in, you can see the ball bobbling
23:52around.
23:53Yeah.
23:53So, and he was still, you know, had complete mastery over it.
23:56So yeah.
23:57Long grass, don't care.
23:59No.
24:00Right.
24:00Into centre midfield.
24:03You want to start, Joe?
24:04I'll start.
24:06Given that we actually do have quite a few Latin players in here, this is not actually a bad
24:10show.
24:11Similar for dead ball.
24:13Similar for sort of, you know, just that sort of unfazed.
24:16My quality will shine through.
24:18I've gone for Juan Román Raquelme.
24:20Oh.
24:22Excellent pitch.
24:23Oh, no.
24:24He's not going to care.
24:25He's going to walk out onto the pitch beforehand, check out the surroundings, you know, probably
24:29cross himself as he crosses the white line and just go, they're not giving a ****.
24:33I've played at La Bombonera, El Monumental, you know, I've played at every, every tough
24:38ground in South America.
24:39He has, he has also got that kind of unpredictability of his character as well, that he would, he
24:45would fit in with the team that we are building.
24:48Yeah.
24:48Him and Maradona, that's quite a...
24:50If somebody rang you up and said, I went to the game earlier and there was a red card,
24:54they'd be like, well, was it Schiller there?
24:57Was it Raquelme?
24:58Was it Waiko?
24:59Was it Pepe?
25:01Was it Sula?
25:02I feel Raquelme has earned his place in this team.
25:06Who have you gone for with?
25:07Um, I kind of went with a similarly Mercurial player.
25:11Um, I went with Jojo Okocha because obviously...
25:15Love him.
25:16Bolton, Wartso, Stoke could run.
25:19Stoke, you know, Wigan and Wartso, Brighton could run.
25:21Um, yeah, I thought I'd like to see Okocha doing Rainbow Flicks over Glenn Whelan.
25:28I thought that'd be fun.
25:29Um, but yeah, I think, uh, the other side of Stoke that we don't, you know, we haven't
25:34really touched on yet is actually they did have a lot of sort of top, top players.
25:39Like they had like Ibrahim Afalai was great.
25:42Like back in the day, Bojan, Shaqiri, they had like...
25:47On Altovic.
25:47On Altovic.
25:48They had people who could play.
25:50And I just think Okocha, like he's Barkley's heritage.
25:55So that's why I went with him.
25:56He's almost proven.
25:57Well, he is proven.
25:58He is.
25:58You're right.
25:59Yeah.
25:59Yeah.
26:00Could you go for?
26:01Uh, I went really boring.
26:02I went with Roy Keane.
26:04I wouldn't say it's boring.
26:05I'd say it's, you know, it's, it makes complete sense.
26:08It makes sense.
26:09And I feel like he's a hundred percent guaranteed to have a good game.
26:12I did actually check, by the way, if he played at Stoke.
26:15United played away at Stoke in the League Cup in 1993 and he wasn't in the squad.
26:20And they lost.
26:21And they lost.
26:22They won the return leg with Roy Keane in it.
26:24Oh, okay.
26:25So they lost 2-1, they won 2-0.
26:27So he had a chance.
26:28Strengthens your argument.
26:29There you go.
26:30Yeah, it does strengthen our argument.
26:31How do you think Roy Keane and Wacka were going to get along?
26:34Just do your job.
26:36It's a good job we didn't put Mick McCarthy.
26:38Oh, yeah.
26:39Oh, yeah.
26:41That is very topical.
26:43Do you know, I think, I'm thinking Raquel May.
26:45I think.
26:46Yeah.
26:46It's the team we're building.
26:48But it was my pick, so I'm going to...
26:50Yeah.
26:50All right.
26:51We'll go with Raquel May next to Maradona.
26:54The next...
26:55I actually feel ridiculous now for going for the next sentiment filter.
26:57I've just gone for the Italian Roy Keane in Gattuso.
27:01Fair enough.
27:02He is the Italian Roy Keane.
27:03Yeah, the Italian Roy Keane.
27:04And both of them sounds ridiculous.
27:05And now it sounds like I'm building a play of 11 red cards.
27:08He knows what the weather's like.
27:09He's played in the UK before.
27:10He has.
27:11Played at Rangers, which might be similar to Stoke.
27:14Yeah, I just feel like he's the villain.
27:17And he plays the villain so damn well.
27:19He does.
27:19He's my pick.
27:20I really haven't got much more than that.
27:22I love there's a story in Andrea Pirlo's autobiography
27:26about how they used to prank him.
27:28Have you heard this?
27:29That they would go and wait under his bed
27:32when they were like, obviously, not in his house,
27:34when they were like, Italian duty.
27:36It was him and a couple of other players
27:38would go and sit under his bed.
27:39And he describes it so well that he would come in
27:43dressed in his leopard print pyjamas,
27:45sit and read a book, but only look at the pictures.
27:48And then they'd jump out, give him a heart attack.
27:51And then he'd sort of grab them and beat them up.
27:53I just think that is a Stoke player.
27:56And you could see it happening.
27:57In a nutshell, yeah.
27:59But he would fit in perfectly.
28:01Oh my God.
28:03That's funny.
28:03Who have you gone for?
28:04That's good.
28:05I went with...
28:06Wait, who did you go for?
28:07Oh, I've not gone for one.
28:08Oh yeah, true.
28:08Sorry.
28:09I was going to say, you just sounded like you were agreeing with me so much.
28:11Oh yeah.
28:12Well, mine's not as good as that.
28:13I've gone with the sort of modern player that I think could handle it the most
28:18and that I'd like to see there the most.
28:19I've gone with Sangari of Brentford.
28:21I just feel he started the season really well, completely filled up.
28:25But he's not had the test of Stoke away yet.
28:29So I'd just like to throw him in there, just see how he gets on.
28:32Real sink or swim moment.
28:33Yeah, yeah.
28:34Premier League new boy.
28:35It's like, yeah.
28:36But has he done Stoke away?
28:37Exactly.
28:38That was my thinking.
28:39If they get Brentford in the FA Cup, then this will come back to this.
28:43We will be there.
28:44We will be there.
28:46We will be applying for press accreditation.
28:49Just to see if you're, what do you call it?
28:52A prediction?
28:55A prophecy.
28:56Prophecy, yeah.
28:56If this prophecy comes true.
28:58And you?
28:59I've gone for Paul Gascoigne.
29:02Because again, he's not going to give two s*** about what Stoke fans are giving to him.
29:09You know, he'll moony them.
29:10You know, he'll, he will though, wouldn't he?
29:13You know, he goes to take a throw in and, you know,
29:15he'll be getting abuse from someone from the potteries.
29:17And he'll just go, hmm, drops his trousers, drops his shorts, whatever.
29:21You do that sort of thing.
29:22And then, you know, weave through the middle of the park.
29:25I mean, who's he going to be playing against?
29:26Glenn Whelan.
29:27Did Salif Jow play for?
29:29Stephen Ireland.
29:30Stephen Ireland, yeah.
29:32I just feel like.
29:32That's a pretty good talent.
29:33I love the idea of Gazza and Raquelme.
29:35Gazza and Raquelme.
29:36In midfield.
29:37Good luck tracking back.
29:38But yeah, I was going to say, there's zero defensive work going on here
29:40with Maradona, Raquelme, and potentially Gazza.
29:42Yeah.
29:43I like, I like your Gattuso pick for that reason.
29:46Because I feel like we maybe need a Gattuso.
29:48You need an enforcer.
29:50Yeah.
29:50I'm sorry.
29:50True.
29:51Anyone who's voluntarily taken on Joe Jordan.
29:54Yeah, true.
29:55Like, did you not see him play?
29:57I think you need in your team if you're going to start.
30:00Apparently, he used to take his teeth out for games, Joe Jordan.
30:03I mean, didn't he have them out at that scuffle at pitch side
30:07when Spurs went to Milan?
30:08No, I think he had good money by then, so he got them done.
30:12But yeah, apparently, in his playing days,
30:15he used to take them out for a game.
30:17That would terrify me about, if I was Joe Jordan,
30:20I'd do it in the tunnel to freak other people out.
30:22Oh, yeah, yeah.
30:22Yeah.
30:23You'd wait until everybody could see you.
30:25And then you'd just lower them slowly.
30:28Yeah.
30:28You'd have someone take them out.
30:30Yeah.
30:31Like, look well hard here.
30:32Put them on like a little screen.
30:33It's kind of like Paul Ince waiting to put his shirt on,
30:35but just not as scary.
30:37Yeah.
30:38At all.
30:39What was that about?
30:40No idea.
30:41Not a clue.
30:43Rituals are just bizarre.
30:45That and that, that's up there.
30:46Good to see you, sir.
30:47Are we going to do so?
30:48Yeah.
30:48Good to see you, sir.
30:49Next to Rick Hell, mate.
30:49I love it.
30:50Left wing, we'll start with you, Mark.
30:54Left midfield, sorry, it's 4-4-2.
30:56Yeah.
30:57Under this left wing crap.
30:58So I thought about which left midfielder I have watched over the years,
31:04who is just quality, no matter who it's against,
31:09where it's against, when it's against.
31:12And I just thought Gareth Bale.
31:14I know it's boring, but.
31:15But he's played at Stoke.
31:18Yeah.
31:18He's played against them.
31:20Can I just say, I think Tony Hibbert has as well,
31:22but I was keeping shtum.
31:24Oh, so was I.
31:25We're going to have to discuss.
31:26Okay, well, Tony Hibbert didn't get picked.
31:28Bale scored that ridiculous goal for Spurs, the volley.
31:31Was that like the start of the 11-12 season?
31:33It was in the sunshine, though.
31:34I was thinking of like, yeah, I was thinking of like peak Gareth Bale.
31:38When I thought of it, I thought of Gareth Bale.
31:41And I thought, I mean, obviously I've gone from on the left wing, but.
31:44Yeah, true.
31:45I was thinking against, you know, Mike on San Siro.
31:48I just, I just wanted to see.
31:50Can you do it against Jeff Cameron?
31:51I just wanted to see him run rings in this team.
31:54And right.
31:55Okay.
31:55So Stoke, what they did.
31:56So what they do, I'm back.
31:58I've been transferred back to 2008.
32:00What they did was obviously they moved the advertising hoardings further back.
32:03Yeah.
32:04So that Rory DeLapp could do his long throws.
32:07I think what Bale did to Mark Bartram, when he ran off the pitch and then back on.
32:12Yeah.
32:12You could do that every week.
32:13Yeah.
32:13Well, not every week.
32:14You could do that every time you sent the ball forward.
32:16Yeah.
32:18He's got to thank you.
32:19Yeah.
32:19I just, yeah.
32:20I just wanted to go with somebody who would, you know, set the world to light.
32:24And I thought Maradona on one side.
32:25I'm going to go with Bale on the other.
32:27Why not?
32:27That's true.
32:28That was Maradona.
32:28Exactly.
32:29It was Maradona the Argentinian Bale.
32:31Wow.
32:32Who are you going with?
32:34I've gone for, again, more shithousery.
32:38More shithousery.
32:39We need more.
32:39And a player who I think would rile Stoke fans up, because he riles fans up wherever he goes, Vinny
32:45Jr.
32:47Okay.
32:47Okay, yeah.
32:48Don't get me wrong.
32:49They'd kick the s*** out of him.
32:51Yeah, they would.
32:52But eventually, I feel like he'd succeed.
32:55I'd like to see him dance in front of Stoke fans.
32:57Yeah, true.
32:58I'd like to see that.
33:00I remember when Jesse Lingard Millie rocked at St. James's Park, and I've never been angrier at a football match.
33:05No.
33:06It would be good.
33:07I just feel like Vinny is the ultimate, like, Marmite player.
33:11Yeah.
33:11Like, you just, you love him or you hate him.
33:13I love him.
33:13I think he's amazing.
33:14I think he's great.
33:15Yeah.
33:15I love him.
33:16Are you not a little bit concerned that he might, he just might not fancy it?
33:20Because I feel like there's been a few occasions where, you know, he goes on the pitch for Real Madrid.
33:25True.
33:25In a tough place in La Liga.
33:27Joe, we've got Maradona.
33:28It's mine.
33:29Yeah, that's a completely redundant argument, isn't it?
33:30I'd put my arm around Vinny and be like, I've won a Moritz's cake.
33:34We'll be all right.
33:35One of Kevin Keegan's.
33:38Old, you know, motivational tropes was, you know, I'm not sure about that shirt, but I am sure about the
33:43man that's in it.
33:45You could do that in, you know.
33:46Please tell me you actually did that.
33:48Yeah, you did to Shea Gibbons.
33:49That is fantastic.
33:50It's when Newcastle had the very sort of patterned goalkeeper kit.
33:56Yeah.
33:56So, Kevin Keegan was going, I'm not sure about that shirt, Shea, but I am sure about the player that's
34:01in it.
34:02I was like, you would feel 10 feet tall, wouldn't you?
34:04I feel like I need to use that, like, on nights out with my mates.
34:08Just to G them up.
34:10Get into the club, but they're a bit nervous.
34:12My wife.
34:14Mind you, she'll just turn around and go, what do you mean you don't like my shirt?
34:18So, you won't even make it to the second half of that.
34:20Oh, my God.
34:23Very good.
34:24Right, who's your left winger?
34:25My left winger, I've gone for sort of the cheeky chappy variety because, I don't know, to balance out the
34:32wacko, I think.
34:33I've gone with David Bentley.
34:35Oh, it's good.
34:36Yes, because, and yes, this is influenced by the World Cup, did go to the darts, and as I was
34:42going to the toilet, I came back, and David Bentley, he was dressed up in some sort of fancy dress
34:48garb, and some bloke had collared him and said, can I get a picture and everything?
34:52And as the flash goes off, David Bentley decides to just, like, bite this guy's nipple or something, and I
34:57go, I could have got a photo of that.
35:00I didn't, but it's also just, like, in the bowels of this, in, like, Madison Square Garden.
35:05Yeah.
35:05I'm thinking, have I gone to sleep in another stranger's dream?
35:09I just feel like that sort of energy, you kind of need in a dressing room.
35:13Do you dream about David Bentley biting nipples?
35:14I don't, no, no, no, no, only on Thursdays.
35:17You could have told me that David Bentley played three years for Stoke, 24 appearances, six goals.
35:24I'm wondering whether to disqualify that as well, because I feel like he might have played at Stoke.
35:30He might have done, yeah.
35:31I mean, I'm happy to go with Vinny.
35:33I'm happy to go with Vinny as well.
35:34Yeah, we're disqualifying, but Bale definitely did.
35:37Oh, yeah, Bale definitely did, yeah.
35:39Bentley was at Spurs, 2008 to 2012.
35:43Yes.
35:44The exact Stoke we're talking about.
35:46I feel like at some point he must have.
35:48Yeah, yeah.
35:49I think it's Vinny.
35:51It's Vinny by process of elimination.
35:54Vinny it is.
35:54Vinny Jr.
35:55Brilliant.
35:56Right, up top.
35:57I'll start with my first one, because it's the epitome of chaos and the beautiful game.
36:07I'm going to have to go with Eric Cantona.
36:09Is he going to kung fu kick someone?
36:12Is he going to score a great goal?
36:14It's pretty much Eric Cantona's career, but it just feels like at Stoke we would amplify this chaos.
36:19Yeah.
36:20Potentially.
36:21I need no persuasion ever.
36:25Who is yours, though?
36:26Well, I've gone with a...
36:28Do you want one or two?
36:30Because I've gone with a little and large partnership up top.
36:33Well, let's go with the little man first, because I've got a big man as well.
36:36Okay, I've gone with Leandro Trossard, just because he has a habit of always coming up with goals in big
36:47moments, clutch moments.
36:48I want to see him at Stoke.
36:50I want to see it, because he scored against Brighton as an Arsenal player, and then just went over to
36:56the Brighton fans and did his old, you know.
36:58He's won the hearts of...
37:03Anne Hathaway loves him.
37:05She absolutely loves him.
37:07He scored, like, so many big goals for Arsenal, like 25 million.
37:12I feel like he is a sort of a lost Stoke player.
37:16Like, I could have seen him at the Britannia just sort of weaving his magic.
37:21He has kind of...
37:23He's got no heart, Leandro Trossard.
37:25He will score against you and have absolutely no kind of, like, he just, he's quite cold.
37:31Like, not like a cold-blooded killer, like Erling Haaland, but he is that kind of, yeah.
37:36I just, I thought he'd be a perfect kind of foil for my other pick.
37:40For the big man.
37:41Who have you got, little man?
37:42My little man is, compared to the other pick, the little man is...
37:47That's why I've got my hands on, yeah.
37:49Former Birmingham City striker, Stern John.
37:52That's a name I haven't heard of forever.
37:54And that's part of the reason that I picked it.
37:56Did he play against Stoke?
37:57I don't know if he did.
37:58In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, he might have played for Stoke.
38:03And my other pick, I know for a fact, has played and scored at Stoke.
38:07So I've just clearly not got these.
38:08Yeah, yeah, you have not got these.
38:10We're going with my choices then.
38:11But, yeah, Stern John as the sort of...
38:15The swaggering, swashbuckling centre-forward that can just, like, send a rocket.
38:20He's not going to score 15, 20 goals in a season.
38:23But he might get you a brace at the Britannia.
38:26Just because he fancies it.
38:28Is there anyone else ever called Stern?
38:29That's what I mean as well.
38:30It's a fantastic name.
38:31His name is Stern.
38:33It's brilliant.
38:34Yeah.
38:34And he's, yeah.
38:35I had this a few weeks ago, and I, for some reason, was on Wikipedia looking at Rule Fox.
38:39There is no...
38:40Is there anyone else called Rule?
38:42Uh, not in the footballing world, I don't think.
38:45That is a great name.
38:46I don't think you need to apologise for that.
38:48As, you know, Spurs fan, Newcastle fan.
38:50Yeah, true.
38:50I don't think, you know...
38:51Wikipedia-ing...
38:52You should be on Rule Fox's Wikipedia at least once every six months.
38:56True.
38:57I feel like he played for Montserrat.
39:01Yes, he did.
39:02He did.
39:02He did, yes.
39:03And Stern John played for Trinidad.
39:06Trinidad, Montevago, yeah.
39:07Are we basically saying that we uncultured swines don't know anything about, sort of, Caribbean naming conventions?
39:14Potentially.
39:15Or maybe we're actually, on the flip side, we're saying, love what you've done with the names, lads.
39:20Yeah, yeah, true.
39:21I do like them.
39:22Yeah.
39:22I'll ask her on these.
39:23I'll ask her.
39:24Oh, really?
39:24Yeah.
39:25Okay, ask her.
39:26Yeah, yeah.
39:26I'll ask her.
39:27I'm now thinking, we spoke about Kenwin Jones earlier.
39:29Yeah.
39:29I don't know any other Kenwins.
39:30Kenwin?
39:31No.
39:32Yeah.
39:33Dwight York, but Dwight, I do like that.
39:35Yeah.
39:36True.
39:37All right, get back to us in a few episodes' time.
39:40I will.
39:40All right, who are we picking then?
39:41I love Stern John, but I think he's played at Stoke.
39:44I think, should we double-check that?
39:46All right.
39:47Whilst you're double-checking that on Google.
39:49I'm happy to go with Cantona, because I love Cantona.
39:52I do love Cantona.
39:54But, I do want Trossard.
39:57I do want Trossard, but I understand if I get outvoted on this.
40:00You know what's crossing my mind about Trossard in doing all of my Wikipedia-ing and other
40:04research for this episode?
40:06Left-wing instead of Vinny, I wanted to go for Kaoru Mitoma.
40:09Okay.
40:10Because he did a thesis at university on the art of tripling at uni in Japan.
40:19And I thought, wow, that's brilliant.
40:21Googled it.
40:22It turns out he played for Brighton a few years ago in an FA Cup game away at Stoke.
40:27And I'm starting to think that Trossard might have been there.
40:30When did Trossard sign for Arsenal?
40:322022.
40:322022.
40:33Oh, 2022.
40:3523.
40:3623.
40:36January 23.
40:37Oh!
40:38Yeah.
40:38I believe that this Brighton-Stoke game was the fifth round, which is after January.
40:43So maybe, maybe he left just before...
40:46He knew he had great vision.
40:50True.
40:50Stern John did get a brace away at Stoke, playing for Southampton in 2008.
40:55So you've basically confused your subconscious.
40:58Yeah.
40:58Sometimes there is something in the back of your mind.
41:01And you have no idea where or how it's got there.
41:04And sometimes it's Stern John scoring a brace away at Stoke.
41:07For who?
41:08Birmingham?
41:09For Southampton.
41:10Yeah.
41:10Did he play for Birmingham?
41:11Yeah.
41:12Stern John.
41:13Stern John.
41:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:13I had the sticker, the Merlin sticker.
41:150-2-0-3.
41:16Just a throwback.
41:17Yeah.
41:17He also played against Stoke for Coventry and Sunderland.
41:21He didn't play for them.
41:22So it's Birmingham City, Stern John.
41:24That's what I'm going for.
41:25Okay.
41:25Birmingham City, Stern John.
41:26It's Steve Bruce managed Birmingham City, Stern John in the Fly B blue kit.
41:32Okay.
41:32That's who I'm going with.
41:33Oh, is that Christophe Dugary times?
41:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:36Mikkel Forssell.
41:37Yeah, those times.
41:38I feel like he went on loan at Stoke, Mikkel Forssell, or he was at least played against them.
41:43Maybe.
41:44Because a lot of time in championship.
41:46Anyway, who are we going with?
41:48Are we disqualifying Stern John?
41:51Trossard, Cantona?
41:52I do like Cantona.
41:53I feel like Cantona.
41:54Yeah, I go with Cantona.
41:55He's our little.
41:56He's a sensible pick.
41:59Who have you gone for big, the last one?
42:01So, when you think of a big man up top, you think of Peter Crouch.
42:05Peter Crouch obviously played for Stoke.
42:08True.
42:08I wanted to go for somebody who's taller than Peter Crouch.
42:11I searched for Google.
42:12We might have gone for the same player.
42:14Six foot eight.
42:15You say yours.
42:16No.
42:16Who have you gone for?
42:17Jan Koller.
42:17Yes.
42:18I knew you'd have gone for it.
42:19Yeah.
42:20Did you go for him?
42:21No, specifically because.
42:22I knew you'd go for him.
42:24And the fact, as soon as you started saying that, I knew straight away.
42:27We all have to go for the big check.
42:28Jan Koller.
42:29Yeah.
42:30Unbelievable.
42:31Powering over Peter Crouch.
42:33Six foot eight, 100 kilograms.
42:35Yeah, and every bit of six foot eight.
42:36It's not like he's a, you know, a long streak of piss.
42:39Yeah.
42:39He actually went in goal once as well.
42:42Did he?
42:42Against Bayern Munich for Dortmund.
42:44Was he good?
42:45He kept a clean sheet for the rest of the game, but they lost to one.
42:48I think they won the Bundesliga anyway.
42:50He's kind of done his job there, hasn't he?
42:51Yeah, it's like 25 years ago or something.
42:53Yeah.
42:54So just in case Shilovet gets sent off, we've got a back-up goalkeeper.
42:57Unless they scrap each other in the dressing room.
43:00True.
43:01Oh, unless your pick.
43:02Well, no, my pick, again, is not permissible.
43:07If these were at Premier League rules, I'd be getting 114 charges for my picks here.
43:12True.
43:12I might have to kick you off for this episode.
43:15Holy s***.
43:16I know.
43:16You can do the s*** podcast.
43:19We will appeal.
43:20Yeah.
43:21I went for Andy Carroll because, and despite the fact that I know that he has scored a header,
43:27and I remember being in the back of my dad's car listening to it on the radio when he did
43:31score in the 08-09 season at the Britannia.
43:34But I just thought, who's perfect for flick-ons?
43:38Andy Carroll, at his peak, was just, he was unplayable with flick-ons.
43:42He was, yeah.
43:43You know, you've got wingers that are going to be running past him.
43:46You've got Stern, in my world, Birmingham City's Stern John, who's just going to pick the ball up and then
43:51shrug off two defenders and go through one-on-one.
43:53Yeah, yeah.
43:54I just thought Carroll, and also, he's a, you know, he's got a bit about him as well.
43:59He's a handful.
44:00He's a handful.
44:00He's a handful.
44:01True.
44:02The Robert Huth and Andy Carroll clashes must have been huge.
44:04I feel like he's got the personality for the dressing room.
44:07That's what I'm trying to see.
44:08I feel like he's got that kind of, like, he will get on the gaza.
44:11You know he will get on the gaza.
44:13I'm worried we have too much personality in this dressing room.
44:15I don't think you can have too much personality in the dressing room.
44:18I think personality is only an issue when you don't have enough of it.
44:21Yeah.
44:22You always hear fans go, you know, where's the leadership?
44:27Where's the personality?
44:28You never complain when you've got too much.
44:30You've got too much leadership in this.
44:31Yeah.
44:31We've just got too many leaders.
44:33I'm amazed no one mentioned Stuart Pearce, to be honest.
44:36Did that cross anyone's mind?
44:38No.
44:39Psycho.
44:39There are a few players that I did consider for this, but I thought, you know what?
44:43The topics for future episodes, they might be better suited.
44:47Oh, because I've got an honorary mention for up top.
44:50By the way, who are we going with?
44:50Jan Koller?
44:51I think Jan Koller.
44:52You both went for it, yeah.
44:53My honorary mention, although he played against Stoke in the lower leagues, is someone who
44:57has all the technical ability to be good, plus has the lower league know-how of muddy
45:03pitches and aggressive fans.
45:05Lee Trundle.
45:06Lee Trundle.
45:07In the same ballpark, John Parkin.
45:10Does he have the same ability as Lee Trundle?
45:13He might have actually played for Stoke.
45:16I feel like John Parkin played for Stoke.
45:17I think he did.
45:19Lower league Stoke.
45:20I'm not sure.
45:21Lee Trundle, one of my favourite people I've ever interviewed.
45:23Oh yeah, was he good?
45:24You spoke to him?
45:25Lovely guy.
45:25Lovely guy.
45:26He feels like good charisma, personality, chatty bloke.
45:30Great.
45:30Brilliant.
45:31He was, yeah, he's a big 442 fan.
45:34He's, yeah, he got on, I think he got on the cover once when they did a EFL cover, like
45:39the top 50.
45:40And yeah, he was just great.
45:42Really, really good bloke.
45:43Lee Trundle.
45:44Love him.
45:45You can go on the bench.
45:47For vibes.
45:48Don't even get me started on a bench.
45:50We ain't got time for that.
45:51We'll be here forever.
45:51We ain't got time for that.
45:53Right.
45:54That is it then.
45:55That is the team.
45:55A quick roundup.
45:56I'm trying to remember everyone who picked.
45:58We've got Chilobain goal, got Wackett, Pepe, Pepe alongside Nicolas Zula, and then left
46:04back, we went Cucurea.
46:06Cucurea, yeah.
46:06We did go Cucurea.
46:07Yeah, yeah.
46:07Maradona right mid, Raquel May, Gattuso, Vinny Jr.
46:11That is outrageous.
46:12What a midfield that is.
46:13There's flair in there.
46:14And then an up front duo of Eric Cantona and Yankola.
46:19Can you imagine if we put Stern John in that team?
46:22You've got Raquel May, Raquel May, Maradona.
46:25And Gattuso and Vinny Jr.
46:27Like trying to serve a guy who was like, you know, at best a championship striker.
46:32I would not have Stern John blast from me.
46:35No, of course.
46:35You went to a World Cup, mate.
46:37Come on.
46:37Yeah.
46:37True.
46:37And look, he clearly left an impression on me.
46:39Stern John and Andy Carroll.
46:41That is a full first name duo.
46:44If I've ever heard one.
46:45Yeah, yeah.
46:46John and Carroll.
46:47Yeah.
46:47No, no, no.
46:48Come on.
46:48You need full name.
46:49You sound like your next door neighbours.
46:53John and Carroll are taking in our Amazon parcel.
46:55There was a great tweet about that.
46:57I remember when Steve Bruce was at Villa.
46:59Go on.
47:00And his assistant was John Terry.
47:03And someone was like, two men, four first names.
47:05Yeah.
47:06That is fantastic.
47:07That is the sort of niche thing we need.
47:10We need an 11 for a future episode.
47:13Terry and Bruce.
47:14Of two first names.
47:15Your dad's mates.
47:16Terry and Bruce.
47:17Yeah.
47:18John Terry and Steve Bruce at centre half.
47:20We're already halfway there.
47:22Well, to a defence anyway.
47:23Yeah.
47:24Brilliant.
47:25Right.
47:26That's the 11 for this week.
47:27Thanks so much for tuning in.
47:28Drop us a like.
47:29Leave one of many ridiculous comments in the comment section below.
47:33And we'll be back for more next week.
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