00:00Recently, I was speaking my mind when a male co-worker of mine said,
00:03whoa, no need to get so aggressive.
00:05I immediately felt my cheeks burning up and I instantly got self-conscious.
00:09Was I raising my voice? Nope.
00:11Was I acting inappropriately? Absolutely not.
00:14Was I angry? Yes.
00:16There's clearly a double standard when it comes to how men and women are perceived when they're angry.
00:21While men are seen as strong for exhibiting anger,
00:24women are often labeled as emotional, aggressive, and overheated.
00:28This causes women to suppress their anger and refrain from voicing it.
00:32And I know that women of color experience this to an even greater degree.
00:36The sapphire, or the angry black woman stereotype,
00:39is a trope that portrays black women as sassy, ill-mannered, and ill-tempered by nature.
00:43These negative caricatures of black women were used to justify their exploitation from the days of slavery.
00:49I wanted to talk to my friend Shirley, who is black,
00:52to see if the stereotype has played a role in how she expresses her anger.
00:55I like the word upset, that an upset woman of color is dangerous, is irrational, is mad, is insane,
01:06when really it's a human being who happens to be black experiencing a high level of emotion.
01:15The stereotype of the angry or the mad black woman has greatly impacted the way that I process and even
01:25express anger.
01:27I've watched white men knock computer desks over, curse their bosses out,
01:34and walk away like it was nothing.
01:38But I know if I was to pull some shit like that, I'd be out the door.
01:42I'd be classified as something disgusting and ugly, and it would really, really hurt my reputation.
01:48What advice do you have for women, especially black women, who get angry?
01:51You just can't fly off the handle.
01:54We have to exercise self-control in a way that supports us and benefits us and keeps us safe.
02:03I try not to get angry at work for fear of being labeled as dramatic or emotional.
02:07But after talking to Shirley, I realized that the stakes are so much higher for her and other women of
02:12color.
02:13I wanted to speak to my friend Tatiana, who expresses her anger, but is then quickly dismissed under the guise
02:19of the Latina stereotype.
02:20Fiery, hot Latina gets mad, gets passionate.
02:23Yes.
02:24What do you think about that, and how has that affected the way you process anger?
02:27So if I cry, I'm more on the emotional side.
02:30But if I fire back, I'm this spicy, fiery Latina.
02:34It's expected of me.
02:35It's like, oh, there she goes.
02:37And it's funny, because if I snap back, I've been told, stop, because, you know, you're coming off a little
02:42fiery.
02:44You're spicy.
02:45Oh, here comes spicy Tati.
02:46And it's like, really?
02:48And it's annoying, because you wouldn't label me that if I wasn't Latina.
02:51And I should be able to be angry without being labeled Latina, because if you weren't Latina, I wouldn't label
02:56you that.
02:56Do you think that this is a learned behavior, that you have been told maybe not to get angry?
03:01My mom was an undocumented immigrant, and we always grew up with that perception of, like, keep quiet, you know,
03:07keep to yourselves, don't make a show, don't be fussy.
03:10When you go on the streets, you know, don't scream, don't, you know, you never want to be stopped by
03:14anyone.
03:15Latinas are made to feel like they're lucky to be where they're at, whether it's a boardroom or a meeting
03:20or anywhere.
03:21And so you tend to be more quiet, you know, you shouldn't speak up, because, again, you're lucky to be
03:28there.
03:28In an effort to assimilate, some immigrants feel pressure not to call attention to themselves.
03:32But I never realized how much of an impact it could have in the way they process and manage their
03:37emotions.
03:38Latina's story exemplifies how harmful it is to teach young girls to repress their anger instead of expressing it.
03:44For my friend Maria, the expectation of living up to the model minority myth, which defines Asian women as passive
03:50and reluctant to speak out, also impacted the way she dealt with anger from a very young age.
03:56I think often, like, if I've, like, raised my voice or even just expressed, like, oh, I'm not okay with
04:01a situation, a lot of people sort of react in a way where it's like they're like, we don't know
04:05what to expect.
04:05There's this, like, other stereotype, it's called, like, dragon lady, which is, like, she's angry.
04:10She's, like, an angry woman, and she's, like, gonna, like, tear this whole, all, tear it all down.
04:15Do I be the model minority or do then I get stereotyped as, like, this person that, like, has no
04:20reason for why they're speaking out in so many different ways?
04:23I was reading about Asian American women and how they are stereotyped as docile and submissive,
04:30and I wanted to know kind of how that relates to the way that they express their anger.
04:34Yeah, well, I think a lot of times people's interpretations of, like, Asian American women also still is within a
04:40framework of, like, colonialism and imperialism of, like, American troops going into Asia, you know, raping, pillaging,
04:47and then also sometimes, like, making relationships with different women.
04:50And so it's, like, this small image of, like, sort of Asian women being, like, submissive and docile because of,
04:55like, this very toxic anger from, like, American militia.
04:59Anger, essentially, like, men's anger is something that is supported in our society, in the police system, in the government.
05:06But, yeah, what does women's anger look like when the whole system was built on, like, men's anger or men's
05:11success?
05:11The binary that we're taught about gender of being, like, men do this and women do this is just, like,
05:16nonsensical.
05:17It doesn't, it's not real.
05:19My talk with Maria made me think, within a patriarchal society, do we even have the language to discuss women
05:25and their anger?
05:25What I learned today is that anger is meant to be listened to.
05:28It's a voice, a shout, a plea, a demand.
05:32Anger is meant to be respected.
05:33Why?
05:34Because anger is a map.
05:36It shows us when a person feels their personal boundaries are being violated.
05:40So when you see someone express their anger, don't be so quick to label them or dismiss their emotions.
05:45You have the right to get angry.
05:47See you next time.
