00:00Hi everybody, my name is Dania and for 18 years of my life was hidden.
00:07I was living a double life.
00:09Even though I was brought up with a Muslim father and a Catholic mother, I was always
00:14pushed to pursue the Muslim faith.
00:16So even though I was taught to believe standard Muslim tradition and what women can and can't
00:23do, and what I personally couldn't do, you always feel like somebody is watching you.
00:27So even if I was in a room alone eating bacon or watching a cartoon I wasn't supposed to
00:34or like talking to our neighbor's son, I always felt like somebody was watching me and it always
00:41made me really paranoid.
00:43I did get caught a couple of times being liberated and trying to have this normal childhood.
00:49We'd go to Christmas dinners at my Aunt Edna's and they're all Catholic, Christian, so they
00:56don't cook special when we come over.
00:59And my dad would always like interrogate me when I came home from every holiday or anywhere
01:03I went and asked me what I ate.
01:05And normally I was like really quick.
01:07I could just come up with these like little white lies all the time.
01:10Pasta, french fries, fish, like that was the go-to and you were safe.
01:15And then this one time I started to stutter and he caught me like, oh my God, he knows.
01:21I just heat the jigs up.
01:23That was like the tipping point for everything that was so restricted in my life up until
01:29then.
01:29And it's a weird feeling to know that even in your own house somebody could be watching
01:35you or someone if you go out and you see a relative or a family friend and if they saw
01:41you wearing shorts or a tank top somebody can go and tell my father and then that would
01:47be like punishment for me.
01:49The thing I was afraid of the most was being disowned.
01:53That was the biggest thing.
01:54And I always felt that it would happen eventually in my life because I knew I couldn't live this
02:00way forever.
02:00I couldn't hide forever.
02:02But now I live in my light.
02:04When I turned 18 I went to college out of state.
02:08I got to live by my own rules.
02:10I made friends with different backgrounds, different religions, different cultures.
02:14It really opened up my world.
02:15And I started doing things for me.
02:18And I even got a few tattoos.
02:21But maybe those we won't tell my dad.
02:23I personally just wanted to say that my experience isn't everybody's experience.
02:27I am not denouncing any religion, any culture.
02:30This is just my experience, my childhood.
02:33Looking back on how I had to hide everything growing up, I probably would have done it a
02:40little differently and been more open about my life with my parents.
02:43It's always best to be honest about who you really are.
02:46The advice I have for anybody at any age that feels like they're living a double life is
02:52you're not alone.
02:54There's more of us than you think.
02:56Stay close with your family if you can.
02:58It's important.
02:59And don't let anybody tell you how to live your own life.
03:03That's on you.
03:04That's on you.
