- 3 minutes ago
Blogger Freddie Harrel talks about marrying a white man and raising a little boy in this interview for It's Complicated.
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00:00I know that some people just look at us and think she gets to do what she does.
00:04She gets to have what she has because she has a white husband.
00:08This destroys me.
00:09Hi, I'm Freddie Harold.
00:11I was born and raised in France.
00:13I'm a blogger and an entrepreneur and I am also married to a white man.
00:18But guess what?
00:19It doesn't say what you think it does.
00:21We met on OkCupid, so we met online.
00:25His profile just made me smile.
00:27He had like three times the same photo and he was super keen on the photo, he's smiling like this.
00:33And you know how guys don't smile on social media, they're like side posing and they're like topless or sunglasses.
00:40And here's this guy, so I was like, I like you.
00:43I didn't want him to be my boyfriend because he was like from the first date, he was so keen.
00:48He was like, one day I want to be married and be married forever.
00:51And I'm just like, ugh, who speaks like that?
00:55I was like, calm down.
00:57It's like, I don't know, like show some game, you know?
01:01But my parents are from Cameron and they moved when they were 25.
01:04With my husband, we couldn't come from more different worlds.
01:08Like honestly, we're from different worlds.
01:10Absolutely, the way we grew up, the way we've been, the things we've been exposed to, the money we've had.
01:15Completely different experiences from my husband and I, it's mind-blowing.
01:19But for my husband, partial bringing boarding school, having living nannies, tutors and everything.
01:25He is fully aware about his privilege now and he's becoming more and more radical and I love it.
01:32We had to learn together and he had to learn the hard way that some people around him were not
01:38what he thought they were.
01:41At the wedding, some of his friends have been awful, awful, awful, awful to my friends.
01:48And some of his friends are definitely, like to say, the least prejudiced and it was an education for him
01:53to even get there.
01:54I have had to learn to be cautious with the word racist and I don't use it very often.
02:02I feel like the second you say that someone is racist, have they stopped listening because you've insulted them?
02:06Some people are so quick to want to see internal, like internalised, like racism, etc.
02:12I have been attacked on social media because of the colour of the skin of my husband.
02:18And then, like, that majority of the time, when that happens, it's black people attacking me.
02:24And this man kept saying, what is it with you, like, black European women, like African diaspora and your white
02:31husband.
02:31As if, like, there's a collective of us, like, really, like, working hard on finding our white husbands.
02:37Like, this needs to stop.
02:38It's not like I've gone out of my way to find someone, like, to find a white boyfriend.
02:44A lot of people around me were just white.
02:47I don't know, like, I'm from France, there's like 65 million people.
02:51I don't think that I have racial issues because I'm married to a white person in a country where there's
02:56only 3% of us.
02:57I am the breadwinner.
02:59My husband, at the moment, doesn't work.
03:01He looks after our son, looks after me, like, he supports me, like, in my dreams, etc.
03:06But, you know, like, I am the one who works.
03:08I cried when I found out I was having a boy.
03:11I didn't want a boy.
03:12I was so sad.
03:12I wanted a girl.
03:14And now I'm just like, no, no, no.
03:17I want a boy.
03:18I needed to have this boy.
03:19So for me, I'm, you know, really aware of what it is to be black.
03:23But then I must admit that I had not really asked myself too many questions about black men.
03:30And it shamed me to admit that my narrative was, like, black women.
03:35And ever since I've had, like, a son, I feel like the makeup that we had in our relationship,
03:40with our, like, like, with my family around, like, the relationship I had with, you know,
03:45like, my late father, my brother, all of these things that have really prepared me
03:52to also be part of the, of raising the next generation of black and brown boys.
03:58I only speak French to my son.
04:01And Tom only speaks English to him.
04:03And before he's white and I'm black, we are, like, from different countries.
04:07My culture, like, our African culture, and also, like, the French part as well,
04:12is very, very present in my son's upbringing and will always be.
04:17And for this, I'm really happy.
04:18And then, like, and then you look at him.
04:20He has the thickest lips.
04:22And he has, like, a white nose.
04:24And I think he's going to be, oh, I just can't wait.
04:26It's going to be, like, this beautiful, gorgeous, tall, handsome man.
04:31And, but we are very conscious as to how people around us are going to refer to him
04:37or how they're going to speak to him.
04:39My son is, I would say he's crazy, but he's not.
04:42He's a little boy.
04:42He has a lot of energy.
04:43He's running.
04:44He's doing a lot of these things.
04:45He is ridiculously strong.
04:48And, you know, like, in a story they could say, oh, you know, like, he's a beast.
04:51Oh, you know, like, he's problematic.
04:53And then if it's a little white boy, they will be like, oh, he's very opinionated.
04:58Oh, you know, like, he knows what he wants.
05:00This is good.
05:00He's very confident.
05:01He's a short.
05:02If we teach our boys to believe that they are problematic,
05:06what are the chances that we are, like, how many opportunities are we really giving them?
05:10So then, like, it's so easy to look at teenagers and their behaviors.
05:14But if from the age of two, you've been telling him that his energy, his strength,
05:20his stamina, his, you know, his drive, all of these are problematic.
05:23How do you expect him to grow into, you know, like a very well behaved or driven teenager,
05:30or even like a driven or confident adult, someone who really believes in himself?
05:37So my husband is at the top of the food chain, at the very top.
05:41It's like blonde, blue eyes, you know, like family holidays on the other side of the world
05:46and all of that.
05:47But imagine going from being the number one to giving birth to someone who is almost,
05:54you know, towards the bottom.
05:55For my husband, I think that makes him so determined to be very, very educated around
06:02races and very educated around his privilege, really make sure that his son has the path
06:09that he deserves the same way that he's had a path given to him in all of these opportunities.
06:15And I also want him, as he grows, to be fully aware of his white privilege.
06:20I also want my son to keep this in mind that he's also half-white and because of that,
06:25his skin is a certain tone, that might open him more doors than he would my brother,
06:30for example.
06:30So I want him to definitely be proud to be both and to use both heritage to really,
06:39like, elevate the consciousness of both races, basically.
06:42This is what I would tell my son.
06:44This is beyond you.
06:45This is bigger than you.
06:46This is a decision of your higher self or this is a decision of God.
06:50However you want to see it, it comes from higher and this happened for a reason.
06:57And you just have to look for how this is happening for you and how you can turn this,
07:05like, how you have to turn this into a positive experience for your community as a consciousness.
07:12I know it sounds cheesy, but I fall in love with the person, especially when it comes to my husband,
07:15it's like, he's, like, he's Tom, he's my Tom Tom, like, he's my person.
07:21People fall in love.
07:23That's it.
07:24I don't know.