- 3 minutes ago
A Refinery29 original scripted series presenting everyday situations in exaggerated, humorous, and occasionally absurd vignettes. Each episode is broken into five small comedic scenes illuminating various stages of a relatable every-day situation or event.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:01You could do it all from your phone.
00:04You got Heart to Heart, Afternoon Delight,
00:07Brooklyn Babes, Farmers, Farmers, Farmers,
00:09Blunderbuts, Who's in My Mouth,
00:11and Orthodox Vegans for you.
00:13Hmm.
00:19I mean, he was a nice guy,
00:21but in the morning he texted me a picture of him with his teddy bear
00:24and it said, we miss you.
00:26Ugh.
00:26You'd think he could spot those red flags in the profile,
00:28but you don't always see it.
00:29So by profile, you mean like online profile,
00:32like you're all online dating?
00:33Yeah, of course.
00:34Like how else do you meet people?
00:36I guess I'm not really meeting anyone lately.
00:38I haven't been on a date like forever.
00:39I think you're the only person in New York City
00:41that's not online dating.
00:48Got my courage up, ready to date on the internet.
00:53Okay.
00:54My perfect match.
00:56Someone who is employed.
00:58Someone who owns a dog.
01:00Like a corgi who likes to run around in the park.
01:03And then we go to the park together
01:05and, oh, I don't know, the sun is setting
01:07and he's looking into my eyes.
01:10Runs his fingers through my hair
01:11and pulls me in for this.
01:13Nope.
01:13Let's go with About Me.
01:1734B.
01:18Done.
01:33Oh, my god.
01:36Oh, my god.
01:36I never heard.
01:39No.
01:53No.
01:59So, uh, what do you do for a living?
02:02Blind aunts.
02:03I identify as seamstress seamstress.
02:06Oh, okay.
02:06With like a slash in the middle.
02:08So you brought your own coffee, I see.
02:11Did you not want a drink from the bar?
02:13No, just okay.
02:14I love that dress.
02:16How many persecuted children of color do you think work to make that?
02:20Do, uh, do girls get, like, orgasms?
02:23Do girls get orgasms?
02:25Yeah, sometimes.
02:27Uh-uh.
02:28What's your blood type?
02:30I work mostly with a start-up and a couple non-profits.
02:33It's kind of nice.
02:34It just lets me live kind of independently.
02:36So, what is she doing here?
02:40Thanks, Mommy.
02:41Yes.
02:42I don't understand.
03:04Excuse me.
03:06Hi.
03:07Hi.
03:07Hi.
03:09I couldn't let you leave without telling you something.
03:11Okay.
03:11Hi.
03:12Hi.
03:12Hi.
03:18Hi.
03:19Hi.
03:19Your nipples are showing, Mum.
03:24Hi.
03:26See ya.
03:26See ya.
03:31Motherfuck.
03:36Hey.
03:49Yep, that's him.
03:52Okay girl, you got this.
03:53You look way better than he does.
03:54Give him some of that fake laugh you left.
03:56Yeah, now get it girl.
03:57Give him that power walk.
04:04Vanessa, how are you?
04:06I'm good.
04:06How are you?
04:07Great to see you.
04:08Are you still taking those singing classes?
04:10Dance.
04:11Oh, right.
04:12They're great.
04:13I'm a really good dancer.
04:14Nice, awesome.
04:14Anyway, what are you doing down here?
04:16Oh, I was just picking up some food for Maggie.
04:18Oh, is Maggie your girlfriend?
04:21I don't know.
04:21That's my dog.
04:25I thought you weren't ready for a big commitment like a dog.
04:30When we were living together, I wasn't ready.
04:32After we split, I just realized that I have a lot of love to give.
04:36Plus, you know, after you moved out, I have so much more room in the apartment.
04:39Yeah, yeah.
04:41Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:43So are you still doing like investment banking?
04:48No, actually right now I'm in between employment opportunities.
04:53Oh, okay.
04:53Um, and I've actually been a DJ.
05:00What's your, uh, what's your DJ name?
05:03You know, I'm working on a few.
05:04Yeah, yeah.
05:05DJ Coniferous Forest.
05:06DJ Toothless Fairy.
05:08DJ Don't.
05:09DJ Toddlerasa.
05:10DJ Thanks Obama.
05:12That's like my political one.
05:14It was great to run into you like this.
05:18It was a pleasure, yeah.
05:19Good luck with, uh, Megan.
05:21Uh, it's, it's Maggie.
05:24Hey, you want to get coffee sometime?
05:26DJ, no fucking thank you.
05:28I can bring Maggie.
05:45What?
05:58I just said, hey, dot, dot, dot.
06:00And then I was like, okay, he's still typing.
06:01Like it's going to come.
06:02The text is going to come.
06:02Because it reminds me of like the little dot, dot, dot.
06:04Like when someone's still typing.
06:05But then four hours passed by.
06:06Four hours.
06:07And I was like, what is he possibly doing?
06:08I could be like napping in that time.
06:09And then it started to get like midnight.
06:10I was like, I have to work tomorrow.
06:11I have to go to bed.
06:12So I went to bed and I was thinking, well, that would be nice.
06:14I'll wake up to a text message from him.
06:15It'll be so nice.
06:15And I'll be like, oh my God, sorry.
06:16I totally thought I sent the text that was still typed out in my draft.
06:19But then like the dot, dot, dot.
06:21Like what if something terrible happened?
06:22What if his dog died?
06:26Sup?
06:28Wanna hang out on Friday?
06:31No, that's thirsty.
06:32Chris, oh my God.
06:33I totally forgot about you.
06:34No, that's why.
06:35Do you like podcasts?
06:36Do you like omelets?
06:38Hey, do you like movies?
06:40Do you like bookends?
06:41Do you like Godzilla?
06:42Do you like doors that lock in their own when you leave?
06:45Do you like building IKEA furniture?
06:47Wink face, wink face.
06:48I'll just do that myself.
07:33And so I say to you, you must prepare for Lord Reptile Jesus.
07:37But when he comes down, you will not...
07:39And so I say to you, you must prepare for Lord Reptile Jesus.
08:02Oh shi-
08:04Oh shi-
08:04Oh shi-
08:05Oh shi-
08:20Oh!
08:20Yes!
08:21Very important.
08:23Oh God, I'm gonna eat the breakfast of champions.
08:30Oh!
08:31Oh!
08:33Oh!
08:34Oh!
08:36Oh!
08:36Oh!
08:38Oh!
08:38I can't come right now.
08:39I'm in the shower.
08:40Oh God.
08:41I'm gonna eat.
08:43I'm gonna eat.
08:44Woo!
08:45Girl, nailed it.
08:46Stand clear of the closing doors, please.
08:57The next stop is Graham Avenue.
09:02Ah!
09:07Oh my God, it's Saturday.
09:09Okay.
09:10No.
09:10I'm gonna get away.
09:10I wanna get away.
09:16I'm gonna get away.
09:26Okay.
09:28No.
09:28No, no.
09:29I need a raise.
09:34Hello.
09:35Do you have like two minutes?
09:37I just wanna talk about...
09:38I'm gonna stop you right there.
09:39I'm not your supervisor.
09:41I'd love to, but I'm not your supervisor.
09:43I'm not the person to talk to you about this.
09:45Totally love to, not your boss, all the best.
09:48I'm not your supervisor.
09:49No.
09:49Not me.
09:50No.
09:51Not your manager.
09:52Girl, no.
09:52Not me.
09:53Yeah, sure, does 1.30 work?
09:55Yeah, okay.
09:55Wait, what?
09:58Why I deserve this promotion, where do I start?
10:02I've been here seven years, even though now that I think
10:05about it, only three of those were paid.
10:07I spearheaded Project Lamp-Ray.
10:09I instituted Bring Your Puppy to Work Fridays
10:11and made it profitable somehow.
10:13I love my job.
10:14I love this company.
10:16Put in a Beyonce gift for good measure, and send.
10:23Okay, girl, you got this.
10:25You're running that meeting.
10:26Show them the goods, numbers, facts, promotion stuff.
10:29Women are in only 5% of executive positions in the media.
10:33Woof.
10:33It's been a long time.
10:35They owe you this.
10:35We're taught as little girls that it's rude to talk about money.
10:39And you're just like this eagle of awesomeness looking
10:43to land on a mountain of success.
10:46Is it a bird?
10:47Is it a plane?
10:47Girl, it's you.
10:48You.
10:48I am a girl boss.
10:50No!
10:54Millennials.
10:56Numbers.
10:58You.
10:59You.
11:01Money stacks.
11:04Waves of information.
11:07Momentum.
11:09Trust.
11:10Power.
11:15Women.
11:19I'm sorry, what is this about?
11:21This is the presentation about why I deserve a promotion.
11:25Oh.
11:25So did I need to do this.
11:27You can have the promotion.
11:28Yeah, I mean this is great and we might use it, but next time you could have just asked.
11:33Did you see the tiger?
11:39Hi, Rumi.
11:41Hi.
11:41Hi.
11:42Um, I know we've been talking about this and we don't do it, but now it's done.
11:47It's laminated.
11:55So like I said, it's $2,500 a month and utilities are not included.
12:00Okay.
12:01And this is the whole space?
12:04Yeah.
12:04Can you fit a bed in here?
12:06Yeah.
12:07I think so.
12:11Hello?
12:12Oh my god!
12:13Hi!
12:13How's your new apartment?
12:15It's, uh, great.
12:17Yeah, it's bright.
12:17And I have so many closets.
12:20Are you naked?
12:21Oh my god.
12:22You're naked.
12:32You will not believe the day I had.
12:37My boss was like, every Wednesday I ask you to file this report.
12:47I am such a fucking grown-up.
12:54Hi!
12:55Oh my god!
12:55It's so good to see you.
12:57It's been so long.
12:58How are you?
12:58How's work?
12:59Work is good.
13:00Boyfriends?
13:01Um, boyfriend?
13:03I have, um, I don't know if I have like a label or anything yet, but like...
13:07Still kind of see your boyfriend or not?
13:10I...
13:10I actually have no idea.
13:15I can't really figure out if we're just dating or if this is going somewhere.
13:18So I made a comprehensive list.
13:20One time, he didn't text me back for 35 minutes.
13:25Your problems aren't real.
13:26We don't need labels.
13:28It's not like I walk around and just label everyone I see.
13:30Like, barista, post office worker, best friend Katie.
13:33Like, my happiness isn't defined by like, one person.
13:36You know?
13:36It's like a lot of things.
13:37Like pizza, cats, and ice cream.
13:38So really, it's just like a non-issue.
13:44Yeah, I should talk to him.
13:46How's your chicken?
13:47It's good.
13:48Good, good.
13:51You might say, uh, it's the only chicken I'd like to eat for the foreseeable future.
13:59Yeah, I actually got you something.
14:01Oh my god, you got me a gift.
14:02Not a gift.
14:03That is so nice.
14:03I can't believe you got me a toothbrush.
14:06Yeah, it's just a toothbrush.
14:07Oh my god, do you think that I have bad breath?
14:09No.
14:09Because I'm not normally this garlicky.
14:11We just had a lot of Italian food and I would appreciate like a little break about that.
14:14And I don't know what kind of girls you've dated in your past.
14:16That's not related to this either.
14:17But I'm a normal girl with normal person's breath.
14:18And some families have genetic halitosis.
14:20Wait, sorry, enough, enough, enough.
14:21Okay.
14:22When you come here, you bring your toothbrush in a little backy.
14:25And I just thought it'd be easier if you had your own toothbrush at my place.
14:31Well, that was very nice.
14:34So your family has genetic halitosis?
14:38Okay, this is crazy.
14:40We like each other.
14:41We've been dating for a while.
14:42Yeah.
14:42We're boyfriend and girlfriend, right?
14:44Yeah.
14:44I don't want to jam with this weird, are we, aren't we thing.
14:47And I don't want to freak out every time I write you a text and want to use an emoji.
14:50I like when you send me emojis.
14:51It makes me feel fancy.
14:53Only dating each other?
14:54Yeah.
14:55You're the real MVP.
15:01Oh, excuse me.
15:02Do you have the time?
15:04Yeah.
15:04It's, uh...
15:05Just get the...
15:09Shit!
15:13Are you sure?
15:14I think so.
15:15Did you check the little pockets in your bag?
15:17Yeah.
15:17Did you check the bathroom?
15:18I saw you taking a little selfie in the bathroom.
15:21Yeah.
15:22I checked in there.
15:23Did you check your bra?
15:24No.
15:26No, but I found my lipstick.
15:27You little sneak.
15:30You know what?
15:31This is actually really good.
15:33I've been meaning to do, like, a digital detox for a long time.
15:36And it's just gonna be, like, a day for me and my thoughts.
15:39But I am gonna, like, have some FOMO about it.
15:41So I'm gonna need you to check, like, Twitter and Instagram and probably Facebook.
15:44Don't worry about it.
15:46I have a computer.
15:51I bet all my friends are texting me.
15:52Right now.
15:53And they think I hate them.
15:54I bet you that cute guy from the bar is calling for a date.
15:56And I'm just there.
15:57I'm just ghosting on him for no reason.
15:58I bet you today the network's gonna call and be like,
16:00The Unreal of Fortune.
16:02Now I'm gonna be poor forever.
16:05Do you need me to call HR?
16:08No.
16:11Oh, my God.
16:12Did you see Annabelle's Instagram today?
16:14Got it right here.
16:15This is so crazy, right?
16:17It's crazy.
16:17Why would she put that up there?
16:19Also on Snapchat, she's like that, too.
16:21You notice?
16:22Yeah, she's posting.
16:22Okay, I'm gonna get out of here.
16:24Yeah.
16:26Weird.
16:26What's her deal?
16:32No calls or texts all day.
16:38Ooh, birth control reminder.
16:41Good thing I saw that.