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00:00I was pulled out of school and they'd go to school every day and I'd be at home with just
00:03my mom.
00:04And I'll tell you, those days were not pretty at all. They were horrible. I went through hell
00:09when my siblings were off at school having fun being with their friends. I went through hell.
00:19We are here with Colin Gosselin. I'm so excited to chat with you all. We're going to talk about
00:24Special Forces, your book, and The Shadow of Eight, which I read. Two sittings I read this
00:28and the only reason it was two was because I was like, I need to go to sleep and I
00:32need to start
00:32fresh tomorrow. But before we get into the book, I do want to talk about Special Forces because
00:36I love this show. It's so good. I have a feeling you're going to go far, if not to the
00:42end.
00:43It's just the inkling I have. But you kind of have this advantage over everyone else because you
00:50actually went to boot camp for the Marines. How similar was your real life experience to the
00:56experience in this show? There were so many similarities. And I'd say the biggest one was
01:01definitely mentality. It's like, you know, you're getting up day after day and you're, you know,
01:06you're pushing yourself and doing things you've, you will never, you know, most people will never
01:10do in their lives. So it's definitely a mentality thing. That's the biggest similarity that I could
01:16connect is that it's, it's really just about telling yourself, I can do this. I can do this
01:23one foot in front of the other one day after the next. Yeah. One day at a time.
01:27I feel like the DS probably appreciated having somebody there who kind of like had this background
01:32too. Did you feel like they were harder on you because they knew you could do it? Or did you
01:36feel like they kind of went a little easier on you because they respected that you had kind of gone
01:41through that before? I don't know, maybe a little bit of both, but I mean, most of all, I just
01:47appreciated their mentorship. And it was like, I was, I literally felt like I was back in boot camp with
01:52how, you know, with having drill instructors and, you know, it was just, it was really cool. I mean,
01:59my senior drill instructor in boot camp was there more, that's more of like the laid back drill
02:04instructor, but he was just so much of a mentor to me. I still talk to him today. And I
02:09just really
02:10had, I felt that connection with the DS as well. It's like that mentorship and, and that just that
02:15guidance. Totally. And I'm sure, because I know in your book, you talk about how, how like alive you
02:20felt when you were at the boot camp, did you kind of, did that feeling kind of come back to
02:24you?
02:25Oh, it absolutely did. I was like, you know, there were feelings of what am I doing? Why am I
02:30here?
02:30This is, this is crazy. Like it was still setting in, but then at the same time, I just feel
02:34so alive
02:35when I'm able to challenge myself. And I really, you know, I tell us to my friends and I tell
02:40us to
02:40so many people, like you have to get out of your comfort zone. I think that's really where you find
02:43yourself. And that's where the most growth occurs is just being in an uncomfortable environment.
02:48And you know, where else than the jungle, right? You know,
02:52There you go. Well, obviously you're not the first Gosling to, to attempt this course. Your
02:58mom did it back in season one. Do you think your dad should try it next? How do you think
03:01he would
03:01do? So, um, similar to Alexia and Mauricio, and I love them by the way. They're, they're fabulous.
03:08They're amazing. Um, I think in the beginning they asked my dad, if they were going to do like a
03:12parent and child season, like partnered up. Um, I don't know whatever happened, whatever ended up
03:19with that. But, um, I absolutely think he should take on this challenge. I just want him to know
03:23that, you know, I really want him to know that you can do anything. And, and he's been through
03:29the ringer as well. And I just want him to know that he can in fact push himself and do
03:34more than
03:34maybe he thinks he can. And a lot of us can do that. Right. And I, I would love to
03:39see him
03:40take on these challenges. It's, it's just, it is crazy, but like I said, there was so much growth
03:46and it's a challenge I'll never forget. Yeah, definitely. Well, who knows John Gosling season
03:51six, right? I want to see you on there. Well, you mentioned them before Alexia and Mauricio.
03:57I am curious because we haven't seen too much of your dynamic with Alexia yet so far in these first
04:01couple of episodes, but she also was kind of thrust into the limelight when her parents signed on for a
04:06reality show. Did you guys get to bond over that at all? We, we did chat about
04:10that, how, you know, she, she did mention that from a young age, she was on TV and it was,
04:15it was cool
04:15to have someone else like that right next to me and to be able to do this challenge together. And
04:21hopefully I hope just as much as I found that growth, I hope she also realized that, you know,
04:27she can do more than, you know, yeah, like, like I said, all of us, we can just do so
04:30much more than
04:31we give ourselves credit for. And I will say she's the sweetest, kindest, like she just cares about
04:36everybody. She was so, just so good to all of us. And, um, but she is just such a, like,
04:43she's such an adventure and seeing how she could push herself was, I mean, it helped me to push
04:49myself, you know, and, and it was just so cool to see. Yeah, definitely. And I am curious, you know,
04:54getting into, into your book and the shadow of eight. Um, I did notice that Paris Hilton wrote one
04:59of the endorsements for the book. Did you connect with her through Alexia? Cause they're cousins or
05:03did Paris kind of reach out to you separately? It was, so we connected with Paris and then I went
05:10and met Alexia and then I went and met Paris in person and yeah, so it was really cool. And
05:16then
05:16I didn't even know they were cousins after I'd met both of them in person. And then I found that
05:20out
05:20after. So it was a really cool full circle moment. Um, and yeah, they're both so sweet and it makes
05:27sense why they're cousins. They're both the sweetest. Yeah. And did, you know, cause you and Paris kind of
05:31have, you know, this similar story to you where your parents had you institutionalize against your
05:37will. What were your conversations with her? Like about that? Yeah, we, we did chat. We did chat
05:42about that when we, when we, when we met, it was, it was just, I'm, I've seen so much of
05:47her work in
05:48that space. And literally, I think the first thing I said to her was, I just appreciate what you've done
05:52so much. And it means so much to me after, after living that, I think that was literally the first
05:57thing I said to her and I gave her all guys, it just meant so much. I mean, the fact
06:00that she has
06:01done so much to stand up for these children and speak about things that are not easy to speak
06:06about. It's scary to, to be the face at the front of these institutions and the things that these
06:12institutions are doing. It's scary. And so I just have so much respect for her. Yeah. Well,
06:17you know what? Everybody has so much respect for you also, cause you're coming out and talking all
06:21about this and I'm sure that that couldn't have been easy for you. Um, and I do want to talk
06:25a little
06:25bit about some of the stuff that you talk about in the book. Um, you talk a lot about the
06:29abuse you
06:30faced as a child from your mom, the basement cell, the zip tying, you know, she didn't really visit
06:34you at all. Maybe one time when you were away, you know, once you got out and you're going through
06:40all of these moments in your head and realizing like, no, this is not right. And this was not how
06:45you're supposed to. Was there any part of you or even your dad that was like, we want to take
06:48legal
06:48action against her. Like what, what stopped you if you didn't, what, what were your thoughts on that at the
06:54time? I don't know how much I can say about this, but, um, you know, the, the more, the more
07:01I tell
07:02my story, the more I talk, the more I've found and I've found in recent times documentation receipts
07:09do back a lot of what has happened. And let's just say they will be out there soon. Yeah. It's
07:18in the
07:18works. Yeah. The legalities of it all. There's a lot of paperwork that we've, we found that,
07:24I mean, and, and let me, let me make this clear. No child should ever have to find documentation
07:29to back up and to support when they, when they choose to come out and talk about what their
07:35experience is. They should never have to fight to find documentation that backs it up. Right. We
07:41should hear when a child, we should hear them when they choose to speak up. We should hear,
07:45we should listen and we, we should, everybody should join this fight because unfortunately
07:51these things are just occurring more and more. Um, but let me just say documentation has been found
07:58and it's, it will be out there. Well, I'm, I'm very happy for you that you're able to share this
08:05story and that you do have this public platform where you don't have to be silenced because we saw
08:09for so many years, your mom trying to silence you, trying to kind of take you down. What does,
08:15and you have every right to be angry about it, but in the end of the book, you're like,
08:18I've made peace. Like I'm moving on with my life. What does justice look like for you?
08:25Well, more than, uh, you know, going and trying to, you know, going and fighting this in, in a huge,
08:34with, in the court system, justice for me, this is where it starts because I won't speak on that yet,
08:38but where it starts for me is using my voice and using the platform, the platform that I may have
08:45gained in a very unconventional manner. It's using that platform to not let this flame die.
08:52I have to keep speaking on this because unfortunately it is happening so much where
08:56children are, are not only being abused, but being abused and then being exploited and then being used
09:01for a paycheck. And we're just seeing so much of that. And that's where justice starts for me
09:07is making this message known. And yeah, I mean, it's, that's very important. That is my mission.
09:14Yeah, absolutely. And I am curious because in the book you talk about how your mom came to visit you
09:19the one time she said those horrible things. She kind of pushed away the gifts. Um, and then
09:24you saw her kind of like in a shadowy glimpse of a way when she dropped off your siblings at
09:28the one
09:29meeting you guys had, have you, had she tried at all once you were out to get in touch with
09:34you,
09:35to talk to you? Did you ever want to reach out to her or try to reach out to her?
09:39What was it like
09:40after you, after you got home? So the last time I saw my mom, the last time I saw my
09:45mom was in the
09:46institution when, where she sat and berated me, berated me after seeing me for the first time in
09:53a year. Um, and that's the last time I've seen her. She has not reached out. She's not mentioned
09:57anything, but like I've like, this is something I live by, you know, there's only, you know,
10:05you have to take actions. You have to take action before you can just say like, Oh, I want to
10:09come
10:10back into your life. I want to say, I'm sorry. I want to say this or that there's action that
10:15needs
10:15to be taken and there's accountability that needs to be taken. Absolutely. And you know, like you said,
10:20you have all this evidence. You had the psychiatric evaluation, which cleared her claims of,
10:25you know, special needs and like other mental illnesses that she claimed you had. You have
10:30documents, like you said, this all backs up your case and your mom is still out here doubling,
10:36tripling down on her claims. When you see that, what does that make you feel? And what do you want
10:41to like tell her in those moments? Well, I think that she's just, she can't let go of things in
10:50the
10:50past where, you know, she was praised as America's best mom. And when I chose to not want to film
10:57anymore. And then as an adult, I exposed what actually was happening. And now even more with
11:03my memoir, she can't let go of, of, you know, being on that pedestal. And I've done everything I've,
11:13I've done, I've released everything I've put receipts out there more to come as well. Let me just
11:20say that. Um, but there's only so much you can do when somebody just wants, they want things their
11:27way and they just, they can't let go of what was what, you know? And, and, um, that's what she's
11:35doing. It's, it's, she gained, I mean, she had everything, the money, the status, the good
11:41reputation and the praise. And when in reality, what was going on behind the scenes was not pretty
11:47at all. And I chose to speak up about it. I just feel that she can't let that go. And
11:53that has caused
11:54her to just constantly keep trying to come after me. I mean, I thought as a kid, I thought, you
12:00know,
12:00after graduating high school, I thought everything of her putting my name and, and trying to drag me
12:05through, I thought that was gone. But then she came after my dream to become a United States Marine.
12:09And that, that's where I realized this fight is not over. And unfortunately for so many children
12:18that grow up and their parents, they do the same thing. They still try to come after them. And that's
12:24why I have to be the voice that shows others. You have to keep fighting and you need, you know,
12:29and, and, and show people who you are and be kind and be yourself and take on cool, fun challenges
12:36in the jungle. And, you know, just, just do whatever you can that, that creates that growth.
12:42Yeah. It is interesting though. Now, you know, obviously you have receipts, paper documents.
12:48There were a lot of people around you guys growing up. And I guess at the time, you know,
12:52everybody was kind of on her payroll and nobody was going to step out of line. Have you gotten to
12:56connect with any of those people since telling your story to the world and have they kind of been
13:00like, we saw that, but we didn't want to step in or whatever. I have not spoken to anybody of
13:07the
13:07network and I don't know if it's out of, you know, hesitation on their part, but I, I do want
13:13to make
13:13a point. And unfortunately, you know, you have to follow the money trail, but a lot of times the,
13:20the, the welfare of children in this industry is put on the back burner because there's so much money
13:25being made. So hundreds of millions per quarter, the network was making off of my family. I mean,
13:32who, the camera crew on production, my mother herself, who's, who says no to that? Who tells
13:39the network, this is done. You're making hundreds of millions a year. Who says that? No, this needs
13:45to stop. Yeah. And that needs to be said. That really needs to be said because screw the paycheck.
13:53Yeah. You know, we're talking about children here and the development of children and what things
13:59are going to stick with them for into their, into adulthood. So it's somebody's life here.
14:05Somebody's life. It's a child's life. We're talking about versus a paycheck, but unfortunately,
14:10nobody stepped in. They saw, they definitely saw. I mean, we watch episodes back and I'm,
14:16and I'm like, now knowing what we know, I'm like, wait, this is weird.
14:19So like, right. But like, and then, and then you're right. You're right. Cause viewers pointed
14:23out like, Oh, we, this is what we're seeing on camera. That's what made camera. Yeah. That's
14:27what made, that's what, that's what made it onto camera. Imagine how much, I mean, it was thousands
14:34times, times worse. What didn't make the cut. It's crazy. And if you're thinking, if anybody thinks
14:40what they see on, on, on the screen is bad, which it is bad. I mean, just imagine that to
14:45the highest
14:45level and that's what didn't make the cut. And that's what adults were seeing. And that's what
14:50nobody chose to speak up about. Yeah. Yeah. It's like mind boggling the way. And I was just saying
14:56before, you know, I was like eight or nine when the show came out, it was like my first reality
15:00show.
15:00Cause it was like cute little family and like little kids. But even then, like my mom and I would
15:05talk
15:05about it and we were like, she's kind of crazy. Right. So when you came out with your story,
15:10it was like, I'm not like I could see that, you know, like it's not like out of the ordinary
15:16that
15:17cause you, you watch these episodes back and you see these little moments. Like I was watching one
15:21the other day and she kind of like smacked your dad across the face and she's like, say, it's fine.
15:27Say it's fine. Right. And your poor dad's walking away like, Oh yeah. And like, and all those like
15:31playful hits, all those playful jabs and the jokes and the hits and everything that my mom would make to
15:37my dad. I mean, it was, it was like a ha ha little laugh after on camera, but off camera,
15:43there wasn't a laugh and it wasn't followed by a, uh, you know, a playful reaction. It wasn't
15:48it was, it was essentially abuse. And she put my father down and it's, I mean, everything that made
15:58camera was dumbed down and polished up to, to look how, you know, it was supposed to look.
16:04Yeah. And how, because your dad, I mean, with the tabloid of it all in the media, I mean, he
16:09really put them through the ringer with that, with the divorce, with everything that followed in the
16:13years after. And, um, you know, obviously when you were away, you hadn't seen your dad for years at
16:18that point. Is there ever any resentment toward him that he didn't come get you sooner or didn't
16:25find out sooner? What, what's your relationship with him? Like now, I guess I'm trying to ask.
16:30I mean, I didn't know this at the time when I was in institution, I didn't know that he didn't
16:34know where I was. So, and even then there wasn't any resentment towards him. There was a resentment
16:42after I came home because I, because my father was told that I didn't want to see him. And I
16:47was told
16:47that he didn't want to see me. So there was a resentment. I was like, why didn't you want to
16:51see
16:51me? And he's like, what, what do you, what do you mean? There was no resentment. And I later figured
16:58out that he didn't even know where I was. That letter that I wrote, that was the single,
17:04that was the only way that he knew where I was. Literally, he wouldn't have known if I would have
17:09never wrote that. And I did hesitate reaching out at all because I thought my father wanted
17:13nothing to do with me. Right. You were scared. And after what he went through.
17:16And there was no other, I, nobody else, I literally had nobody else. I had no other way out for
17:21all. I
17:22knew I'd be there. I mean, there was 21, 22 year olds in there. I'm 22 now. And for all
17:28I know it could have been, I mean, you know, I could have been there forever. So it was hard
17:32to write the letter, but I had to take that leap because had I not, I don't know what would
17:37have
17:37happened. Yeah. Well, what about, I mean, you have so many siblings, obviously, you know, you write in
17:43the book that the last time you saw them was when you were 15, when you guys all met up
17:46at that
17:46amusement park. And that was just out of the six. That wasn't even your older sisters, I think.
17:50Right. Right. Like have any of them since you've started telling your story, have they tried to reach
17:56out? What do you think? If not, what do you think stopping them?
17:59I can confidently say, I mean, none of them have reached out and I can confidently say the reason
18:04is because I always say this similar, like we, my mom was just such a manipulative person. I mean,
18:12I thought my dad was a monster when he left her home during, in the midst of their divorce.
18:15Right. I mean, I, I almost hated him before she told me he didn't want to see me,
18:20which was not true, but it's the same thing. It's the same thing. I mean, they would go off,
18:26my siblings would go to school every day. And I really, I want them to hear this.
18:30They would go to school every day after I was pulled out of school because I, I went to my
18:35teacher about the abuse. I was pulled out of school and they'd go to school every day and I'd be
18:38at
18:39home with just my mom. And I'll tell you, those days were not pretty at all. They were horrible.
18:44I went through hell when my siblings were off at school, having fun being with their friends. I went
18:49through hell. And so they'd come home, we'd pick them up from the bus stop. I'd be in the back
18:53of
18:53the van. I'd be withdrawn, sad, angry. I'd, I'd be out of it. And that's all they saw of me.
19:01They saw
19:01this upset kid who was angry, who didn't know how to manage the motions, you know, and it's all, and
19:09I, I didn't want to be on TV. And my mom retaliated against me for it. And I'd have temper
19:14tantrum saying, I don't want to be on camera. I don't want to do it. I don't want to hit
19:17like,
19:18that's a normal reaction for a kid. I'm like the stuff you were talking about in the book.
19:22I've done 20 times over again. And, uh, it, so I had all these reactions and it was so easy
19:31for my
19:32mom to bank on that. I mean, she'd do it in front of me. It wasn't even after I left
19:35home.
19:36Your brother needs help. He's different than you guys. I didn't, I mean, we lived in the same home
19:41and she separated them from me. We never saw each other. I didn't play with them. I didn't,
19:44I ate meals alone at a huge long dinner table. And I was, I sat at them and ate my
19:51dinner.
19:52And so we, we didn't like, even before I was sent in the home, I didn't know them.
19:56Yeah. And so it was so easy for her to tell them when I was, when I was, when I
20:01was reactive to
20:03the emotions I was feeling as an eight year old, not wanting to film. It was, it was easier for
20:07to tell them your brother, he's troubled. He needs help. He needs this and that special attention,
20:11whatever. And then they were also so young. So I have no, I do not blame them at all
20:18because I was manipulated to believe horrible things about my father. And that's the same
20:22thing she did to them. Yeah. She manipulated the young minds of children to perform and get
20:28with the program and believe what she wanted them to believe. Well, one last quick question. Cause I
20:32know I saw your sister, Hannah, obviously you guys are, you guys are good. She's the one sibling
20:37that you do talk to, um, that you say in the book. Um, she did an interview last year and
20:41she said
20:42that she was able to pay for half of her college tuition with the money she made from the show.
20:46I am curious, have you seen the money from the show that you were supposed to?
20:50I've seen what I've seen so far is documentation that my mom has taken money from a collective trust
20:56of me and my siblings. And I want to say that on air because I want them to hear this
21:00and I want
21:01them to know, yes, she did take your money. She took all of her money. She took money from us.
21:05She actually furnished her home in South Carolina, her lake house or in North Carolina
21:11with the money she took from me and my siblings. Oh my gosh. And that should be, that should be
21:14out there. Do you know how much she owes you? Um, well, so far in this documentation, there was,
21:21she admitted to taking a hundred thousand dollars, uh, from me and my siblings. Wow. So, and that is
21:26on paper. Colin, I am so proud of you. I just met you today and I'm so proud of you.
21:31And I think
21:32that you're going to do amazing things and so many people are going to read your book
21:35and, and just fall in love with you all over again. And I just wish you the best of luck
21:39and I'm hoping to see you go to the end of special forces. Cause I think you're going to
21:42do it. I hope you'll get to see that. Of course.