- 2 hours ago
For two years, Sophie has been her brother’s best friend’s secret girlfriend. But when she overhears Cole call their relationship “never serious,” her world cracks. Then Jenna—his first love—returns, and Cole’s warmth turns cold. Humiliated and heartbroken, Sophie starts finding coffee, soup, and books left outside her door. No notes. Her overprotective brother Marcus notices nothing. But his quiet, dangerous teammate—and her stepbrother on paper—Evan Wen is always watching. And he’s been watching for much longer than she knows. What does he want? And why does he remember everything she’s ever said?
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00:00I was picking up my drunk brother from a party when I overheard him ask his best friend, Cole.
00:05I hear Cole's voice through the gap before I even knock.
00:11So when are you finally going to introduce this mystery girl?
00:14You've been hiding her forever.
00:16My chest tightens. Two years.
00:18Cole and I have been together two years.
00:21Marcus still doesn't know.
00:23Then Cole's voice again.
00:25Why bother? It's not serious. Never was.
00:28I go cold all the way through.
00:30I raise my hand and knock.
00:32The door swings open.
00:34Every head in the room turns.
00:36What are you doing here?
00:37Marcus stubs out his cigarette and pats the seat beside him.
00:41I'm here to pick you up.
00:42He nods, then looks around the room.
00:49Put the cigarettes out.
00:51My sister can't handle the smoke.
00:52Someone calls from across the room.
00:55Look at you, so protective.
00:57What happens when she gets a boyfriend?
01:01Don't even think about it.
01:03Sophie's sweet and clean.
01:05Way out of your league, every single one of you.
01:08That's harsh. You're saying nobody here would pass?
01:10Marcus looks around the room.
01:12His gaze lands on Cole, who hasn't said anything.
01:16If I had to pick, Cole's the only one who'd even come close.
01:21Could technically call him brother-in-law, but after he just said, hard pass.
01:26Keep him away from my sister.
01:28A joke. Just a joke.
01:30Cole's expression isn't.
01:31He looks up at me for exactly one second.
01:34Stop messing around.
01:37Sophie's like a little sister to me.
01:39Like a little sister.
01:41I stare at the side of his face.
01:42My eyes start to burn.
01:45Marcus' voice pulls me back.
01:47Sophie?
01:50Why are you zoning out staring at Cole like that?
01:55Don't let the looks fool you, girl.
01:56He's bad news.
01:58For real.
01:59He lost a round of the game earlier, and they asked him what he likes in a girlfriend.
02:03You know what he said?
02:04Young and easy to handle.
02:06Low drama doesn't cause problems.
02:08What kind of answer is that?
02:09We used to think he was genuinely in love, but guess what?
02:14He said he just felt sorry for the girl because she seemed so adoring of him.
02:18Sigh.
02:19He still hasn't brought her around either.
02:23Either he's possessive and doesn't want us to see her, or he was always planning to cut it off
02:29and figured there was no point introducing her.
02:32And just now he basically said, stop.
02:36Cole's voice cut through the room.
02:38He slammed his drink down on the table.
02:40Everyone went quiet instantly.
02:42The room got awkward fast.
02:45What's going on with you?
02:46Someone just mentioned that Jenna's coming back and you lose it?
02:49My heart skipped a beat.
02:51Jenna was coming back?
02:52Cole irritably lit another cigarette, took a few drags, then seemed to remember I was there.
02:58He glanced at me and dropped it in the ice bucket.
03:01Don't bring her up.
03:02Come on.
03:03You don't care about that girl you've been hiding, and you still got feelings for Jenna.
03:06Don't try to play it off.
03:07Everyone knew Cole had a secret girlfriend.
03:10Nobody knew it was me.
03:11That's the thing.
03:12I already know everything about him, or I thought I did, and none of it prepared me
03:17for six words heard through a door that wasn't latched all the way.
03:21It's not serious.
03:23Never was.
03:24I smile at no one in particular and find somewhere to put my hands.
03:28My mind went blank.
03:30My eyes burned.
03:31I made up an excuse about the bathroom and got up before anyone could see me break.
03:35I was crying.
03:37Lucky the bar was loud enough that no one could hear me falling apart.
03:41My phone buzzed.
03:42A text from Cole.
03:43I'm outside.
03:44I stare at the message for a long time.
03:46Then I wipe my face, straighten up, and walk out.
03:49He's leaning against the wall a few feet away.
03:52One look at him and the tears almost come back.
03:54We haven't seen each other in a month.
03:56He came back today.
03:57We had plans to meet tomorrow.
03:59I missed him too much to wait.
04:01He walks toward me slowly.
04:02He looks at my eyes for a long moment.
04:05I'm sorry.
04:06Don't you want to try explaining what you said in there?
04:08You're too sensitive.
04:10It was just something I said in front of the guys.
04:13I've been a good boyfriend, Sophie.
04:15If you have feelings for Jenna, why did you ever come after me?
04:18You already knew I used to like her.
04:20What are you playing at right now?
04:22The bar feels too warm.
04:23My chest is tight and my head is heavy and I can't get a full breath.
04:28He looks at me like a stranger.
04:29His phone rings.
04:30International number.
04:32Cole's eyes light up.
04:33He has passed me and has the phone to his ear before I finish a breath.
04:37Like he's afraid she'll have to wait.
04:39His voice moves away from me through the noise of the bar.
04:42Jenna.
04:43Soft.
04:43Warm.
04:44Nothing like the voice he just used with me.
04:47I stand in the hallway and I do not move for a long time.
04:50I go back inside long enough to get Marcus.
04:53The guys are still talking when I walk in.
04:55Something about Cole.
04:56Something about Jenna coming back.
04:58Something about the girl he never introduced to anyone.
05:01I catch pieces of it while I collect Marcus' jacket from the back of a chair and tell him
05:06we're leaving.
05:07He doesn't argue.
05:08He's drunk enough that he lets me steer him toward the door.
05:11The cold outside hits us both.
05:18He watches the step.
05:21Then he watches me.
05:22You've been quiet since you got here.
05:25I'm always quiet.
05:27He doesn't have an answer for that.
05:30In the car, he talks.
05:31He does that when he's drunk.
05:33Fills the silence with whatever's sitting near the surface.
05:36He tells me things from when we were kids.
05:38Stories I've heard before.
05:39A few I haven't.
05:40I keep both hands on the wheel and let it wash over me.
05:44You were so small back then.
05:47Look at you now.
05:49I just got my license.
05:51I focus on the road.
05:52You and Jenna are the same age.
05:55Same neighborhood.
05:56Total opposites.
05:58My grip tightens.
05:59Sophie.
06:02You're my sister.
06:04You're allowed to be a little wild.
06:07You're allowed to be annoying.
06:09You don't have to hold everything in.
06:11I see him turn toward the window.
06:13He's asleep within a minute.
06:16I drive the rest of the way in silence.
06:19Back at the apartment, I sit on the couch for a while,
06:22without turning the lights on.
06:23The party feels very far away already.
06:26Cole's face when he heard her name.
06:28The warmth that left his voice when he spoke to me.
06:31Something flickers at the edge of my memory.
06:34The party venue.
06:35The second floor.
06:36A figure standing on the balcony above the garden.
06:39Backlit.
06:40Too far away to read.
06:41Still.
06:41Watching something below.
06:43I don't know who it was.
06:44I don't know why I keep thinking about it.
06:46My thoughts were so jumbled that I fell asleep without realizing it.
06:51Three days later, I'm cutting across the east side of campus when I hear it.
06:55The practice field runs along the far edge of the athletics complex.
06:58I'm not going that way.
07:00I have 20 minutes before my next class,
07:02and I'm already thinking about the reading I didn't finish.
07:05But Marcus is out there.
07:06He texted me 20 minutes ago,
07:08asking if I could wait for him after practice.
07:11So I stopped.
07:12The team is running plays.
07:13From the fence, I can see maybe 40 guys in full gear,
07:17moving across the field in organized chaos.
07:20And it takes me a moment to find Marcus,
07:22and then another moment to find the one the whole thing seems to orbit around.
07:27Evan Wen.
07:28I know the name.
07:29Jenna's uncle, technically.
07:31Which everyone in the friend group finds slightly absurd, given the age gap.
07:35Marcus' teammate.
07:37My mother's husband's son.
07:38Which makes him something on paper that neither of us has ever put a name to in person.
07:44I've seen him at the edges of things.
07:46Jenna's party.
07:47A family dinner two years ago that I left early.
07:50I've never watched him like this.
07:52He calls something and the whole formation shifts.
07:55No wasted movement.
07:56No performance.
07:57He speaks.
07:58And the thing just happens.
08:00I watch for longer than I mean to.
08:03Practice is winding down when I decide to leave.
08:05I turn from the fence.
08:07Sophie!
08:09He's still 20 feet away, but his eyes are on me.
08:12He holds up one finger, finishes the conversation, and walks over.
08:17He stops at the fence.
08:22You waiting for Marcus?
08:24Yeah.
08:25He looks at me the way he did at the party.
08:27Like he's been expecting this.
08:30He'll be another 10 minutes.
08:32There's water by the bleachers.
08:34Then he turns and walks back onto the field.
08:36I stood at the fence for another 10 minutes.
08:39I don't go to the bleachers.
08:45Hallway.
08:46I'm coming out of my literature seminar when I see him moving through the corridor with
08:50two of his teammates.
08:52All three of them taking up exactly as much space as you'd expect.
08:57Sophie.
09:04Did you eat?
09:06Yes.
09:09Like he's checking something against something else he already knows.
09:13One of his teammates glances back with an expression I can't read.
09:17Evan doesn't look back.
09:19I stand there longer than I should.
09:22It keeps happening after that.
09:24Coffee outside my dorm room door.
09:27Twice.
09:29A book on my kitchen counter with no note.
09:32The soup from the dining hall I mentioned wanting two days ago.
09:36I tell Jamie it's probably Marcus.
09:38Marcus has never once in his life remembered a specific thing you said.
09:42And he definitely doesn't leave things without taking credit for them.
09:47Maybe he's growing as a person.
09:50Jamie looks at me.
09:51I look at my soup.
09:53I don't know who it is.
09:56Sophie.
09:57I don't know for certain.
10:00Sophie!
10:03I mechanically sipped my soup.
10:05My mind racing.
10:07Wondering who was silently caring about me.
10:10Marcus, to his credit, could read a mood.
10:13He said he wanted to take me somewhere to cheer me up.
10:16I found out when we got there.
10:18Jenna's welcome back party.
10:21Cole arrives late.
10:22His suit is slightly wrinkled, which is unlike him.
10:25His shoes have mud on them.
10:27He scans the room, finds Jenna,
10:29and his whole face does something I have seen directed at me exactly never.
10:35Then he registers me standing nearby.
10:39Hey.
10:42He has a gift box.
10:46Oh my god!
10:48The wish jar!
10:50Cole, this is the wish jar from when we were kids!
10:53His shoes have mud on them,
10:55and he was late in his good clothes for this.
11:02This is the best thing you've ever given me.
11:11These are from Cole, too.
11:13He had them flown in from overseas.
11:16Lily of the Villy.
11:16I've loved them since I was 12.
11:18You can barely get them here, and he tracked down this many.
11:21I look at the flowers.
11:23Then I think about the earrings.
11:25Small gold hoops.
11:26Very pretty.
11:27I don't have pierced ears.
11:29I went and got them pierced.
11:31I thought it was sweet that he noticed.
11:33He didn't notice anything.
11:35He just sent something.
11:37He doesn't know what I like because he never asked,
11:40and I never told him.
11:41And I spent two years believing that the fact of his attention
11:45was the same thing as being known.
11:47Lily of the Valley.
11:49He tracked them down from overseas.
11:51Me.
11:52He gave earrings I can't wear.
11:54The difference isn't cruelty.
11:56That's the thing I have to keep reminding myself.
12:01It's just the difference between someone you love
12:04and someone you're passing the time with.
12:07Cole finds me outside.
12:09The back garden is empty.
12:11I came out for the cold air and got it.
12:13I don't have a coat.
12:14He stops a few feet away.
12:16Sophie.
12:17He looks at me the way he's been looking at me all night.
12:20I know.
12:21Careful and manage.
12:23I know.
12:23I know what today is.
12:24He doesn't.
12:25He figured it out in the last 10 minutes.
12:27Maybe in the car.
12:29Maybe when he saw my face.
12:31Two years.
12:33You promised me that when we got to two years,
12:35you'd tell people.
12:38Something complicated moves across his face.
12:40I've been wrapped up with the party planning.
12:42I'm sorry.
12:43We can do something this week,
12:44just the two of us,
12:45and we can talk about-
12:45Cole.
12:47I'm not angry.
12:48And I'm not.
12:49That's the strange part.
12:50The cold has taken the edge off everything.
12:52I just feel very clear.
12:53I want you to know that.
12:54I'm not angry at you.
12:56Sophie.
12:57I'm going to say it because you're not going to.
12:59On behalf of your secret girlfriend,
13:01who was never anything but somewhere to land while you waited,
13:05I think this is done.
13:06He exhales,
13:07long and slow.
13:09He doesn't say stay.
13:11His phone buzzes.
13:12He looks at the screen,
13:13and something in his face unhooks completely,
13:16becomes a different person's face.
13:18Go ahead.
13:19He goes.
13:25I sit down on the cold ground.
13:28The garden lights have gone off.
13:29The house behind me blazes with noise and light.
13:33Out here, there is nothing.
13:34Just the turned earth smell,
13:36and the dark,
13:37and the faint sound of music from inside.
13:39Above me,
13:40up on the second floor balcony,
13:42I am distantly aware of a figure standing in the light.
13:45I don't look up.
13:49I stay on the ground until I stop shaking.
13:52Then I get up,
13:53go inside,
13:54collect Marcus,
13:55and drive home.
13:56Cole's flowers are waiting on the kitchen counter,
13:58arrived on schedule,
14:00same as every week.
14:01I pick up every stem,
14:02and drop them in the trash.
14:04They're still good.
14:05What are you doing?
14:06I look at the flowers in the trash.
14:08Not my color.
14:09Not my choice.
14:10If something was always going to die,
14:12it doesn't matter if you throw it out now,
14:14or later.
14:14Marcus opens his mouth,
14:16closes it,
14:17looks at me for a long moment.
14:19He doesn't ask anything else.
14:22Marcus was chatting with cassettes.
14:24Sophie, Evan!
14:25Evan looks at me the way he did on the balcony.
14:28I don't know that yet.
14:29I don't know it was him.
14:32You okay?
14:34Fine.
14:35The garden's pretty.
14:37He just keeps looking at me in that calm,
14:39unreadable way.
14:40Marcus reappears with a drink for me,
14:42and pulls Evan into a conversation about something.
14:45And I sit with the strange awareness
14:47that someone on that balcony
14:49saw me fall apart in the dark tonight,
14:51and had the decency not to mention it.
14:54I don't know yet that it was him,
14:56but I think about that figure,
14:58standing in the light,
14:59for a long time on the drive home.
15:01It starts small.
15:03Coffee outside my dorm room door on a Tuesday.
15:06The exact order I always get,
15:08which I have never told anyone,
15:10except Jamie.
15:11And Jamie drinks tea.
15:14Two days later,
15:15the soup from the dining hall
15:16I mentioned wanting on Monday,
15:18sitting in a bag on my desk
15:20when I get back from class,
15:21still warm.
15:23Then a book on the kitchen counter.
15:25No note.
15:26The one I described to Marcus
15:27in passing.
15:29Just a title that came up.
15:32Probably Marcus.
15:34She stares at me for a long time.
15:36When has Marcus ever remembered
15:38a specific thing you said?
15:41People change.
15:42He still calls you by the wrong middle name.
15:47I don't know who it is.
15:49Yes, you do.
15:50I don't answer that.
15:52Even when is leaving things outside your door?
15:57I don't know that.
15:58Sophie.
16:00I don't know it for certain.
16:05He is worth a genuinely embarrassing amount of money.
16:08He runs half the WEN Group's North American operations.
16:10And he got sent abroad for two years
16:12because he put someone in the hospital
16:14and the family needed things to cool down.
16:16And he is leaving you soup.
16:20I had not known most of that.
16:24Nothing is happening.
16:26Jamie looks at the book on the counter,
16:28looks at me.
16:31Something is happening.
16:33The library closes at 11 on Thursdays.
16:36I'm the last one out, or close to it.
16:39The path back to my building cuts across the main quad,
16:42which is empty this late,
16:43lit by those old iron lampposts
16:46that make everything look like a different century.
16:48There's a car idling at the curb.
16:50I recognize it before I recognize him.
16:56The window comes down.
16:59Get in.
17:00It's cold.
17:03I stop on the sidewalk.
17:06I'm fine walking.
17:08I know.
17:10Get in anyway.
17:12He doesn't try to make conversation.
17:14He drives, and I sit with my bag in my lap
17:17and watch the campus move past the window.
17:19When he pulls up in front of my building,
17:21he doesn't say anything for a moment.
17:24Then...
17:26Good night.
17:27I get out.
17:28When I turn back, he's still parked there,
17:30engine running, watching the door.
17:32I go inside.
17:37I stand in the entry hall
17:39and listen to the sound of him pulling away from the car.
17:42And I think about the coffee,
17:43and the soup,
17:44and the book,
17:45and this.
17:46And I think about Cole,
17:47who knew me for two years
17:49and never once waited
17:50to make sure I got inside.
17:53I don't sleep for a long time.
17:56Jamie brings it up on a Sunday afternoon.
17:59We're studying.
18:00Or pretending to.
18:01She has been looking at me
18:02over the top of her laptop
18:03for ten minutes
18:04with the expression she uses
18:06when she has already decided
18:07to say something.
18:08Evan Nguyen?
18:11Sophie.
18:12I'm studying.
18:14Sophie.
18:37I'm studying.
18:39She closes her laptop.
18:39in the same way that a signature
18:40on a document
18:41is a relationship.
18:42So on paper,
18:43it's complicated,
18:44but in reality,
18:45there's no shared history,
18:46no shared home,
18:47no relationship of any kind
18:48until about six weeks ago.
18:50It's more complicated than that.
18:52Is it?
18:53Or are you just looking
18:54for a reason
18:55not to want something good?
18:57You know,
18:58his father broke up our parents.
19:00That's what Cole said.
19:01He wasn't wrong.
19:02Cole said a lot of things.
19:03That one was true.
19:05Richard Nguyen
19:06didn't break up your parents.
19:07Your parents broke up your parents.
19:09That took four years.
19:12And Evan was 20.
19:13He didn't choose
19:14any of that either.
19:15I stare at the page.
19:16She's right.
19:17I know she's right.
19:18I've had years
19:19to separate Richard Nguyen
19:21from Evan Nguyen.
19:22And most of the time
19:23I manage it.
19:23It's just that sometimes
19:25the whole thing collapses
19:26back into one complicated shape
19:28and I can't find
19:29the edges of anything.
19:31Sophie,
19:31what do you actually want?
19:33I don't answer,
19:33but I stop pretending to read.
19:35It's Marcus's idea,
19:36which means it's casual
19:37and loud
19:38and somehow
19:39Evan ends up
19:40at the same table.
19:41I sit across from him.
19:42Cole is two seats down
19:43from Jenna,
19:44attentive in a way
19:45that is familiar
19:46and nauseating.
19:47I keep my eyes on my plate.
19:49At some point,
19:50I look up
19:50and Evan is watching me.
19:51Not with pity,
19:52not with the careful
19:53managed concern
19:54people use
19:55when they think
19:55you might break.
19:56You should eat more.
19:57You've barely touched it.
19:59I'm not very hungry.
20:01You haven't been that hungry
20:02in three weeks.
20:04You've been keeping track?
20:05He picks up his glass
20:06and says nothing.
20:07Cole appears at my elbow
20:0820 minutes later
20:09when Evan has stepped away.
20:11Can I talk to you
20:12for a second?
20:13You should be careful
20:14with him.
20:15He has a reputation.
20:16People have gotten hurt.
20:17Okay.
20:18I'm serious, Sophie.
20:20I know.
20:21I'm fine.
20:25I'm just looking out
20:26for you.
20:27You don't have to.
20:29I'm not your responsibility.
20:31Evan comes back
20:32and sits down
20:33beside me
20:33without asking.
20:35What did he want?
20:36To warn me about you.
20:40Smart.
20:40I almost laugh.
20:41First time in a while.
20:42He looks at me sideways.
20:43Something in his expression
20:44shifts into something
20:45that isn't quite a smile
20:46but is aimed
20:47in that direction.
20:48There it is.
20:51What?
20:53Nothing.
20:54I spend the rest
20:55of the night
20:55sitting next to him.
20:56When the evening ends
20:57he walks me out
20:58and says
20:58like it's nothing.
20:59I bought the apartment
21:00across the street
21:01from yours.
21:02Why?
21:04Convenient location.
21:06That is not why.
21:07It's not a question
21:08that needs an answer tonight.
21:10Good night, Sophie.
21:14I start paying attention
21:15differently after that.
21:17The way he talks to people.
21:19The way he talks to me.
21:21Which is different from both.
21:23With me, he is quieter.
21:25Slower.
21:25Like he is being careful
21:27with something.
21:28One evening
21:28he comes over with food
21:30and we sit on the floor
21:31and watch something bad on TV.
21:36And I fall asleep
21:37on his shoulder.
21:38When I wake up
21:39there's a blanket around me
21:41and he's reading something
21:43on his phone
21:44and he looks down
21:45when he feels me move.
21:47You should sleep in your bed.
21:49I'm comfortable.
21:51He looks at me
21:52for a moment.
21:53Then he goes back
21:54to his phone.
21:56I fall asleep again.
21:59But then I think
22:00about what Jamie said.
22:02Cole's warning.
22:03The way he makes decisions.
22:04The coffee
22:05and the car
22:06and the apartment
22:07across the street.
22:08All of it chosen
22:09without asking.
22:10So I ask him directly.
22:12What do you want from me?
22:13He doesn't look away.
22:16You.
22:18On what terms?
22:21Yours.
22:22You make decisions
22:23without asking.
22:24The walks home.
22:25The food.
22:26The apartment.
22:27You just do things.
22:29What would you have
22:30wanted me to do instead?
22:31I open my mouth.
22:32Close it.
22:34I don't know.
22:35But I need to be asked.
22:37Okay.
22:38It doesn't resolve anything.
22:41But it's the first time
22:42we've said something
22:43real to each other.
22:45And both stayed in the room.
22:47Marcus shows up
22:48on a Wednesday
22:49with food.
22:50And that expression
22:51he uses when he's
22:52trying to be calm
22:53about something.
22:54He sits down.
22:56Evan when?
22:57Hi to you too.
23:00Sophie.
23:01Marcus.
23:02He is quiet
23:03for a moment.
23:04He's not someone
23:05who does things halfway.
23:06I want you to know
23:07that going in.
23:08Whatever this looks like
23:09to you right now
23:11for him it isn't casual.
23:13I know.
23:14He looks at me
23:15for a long time
23:17like he's checking
23:18whether I actually do.
23:22There's something else.
23:24When he went abroad
23:25you know the story
23:26that he got into something
23:27and the family sent him away
23:29to let it settle.
23:30He stops.
23:30Looks at the table.
23:32It was for someone
23:32in the family.
23:33Something he did
23:34for someone.
23:35I'm not going to tell you
23:36what it was.
23:36Marcus.
23:37Ask him yourself.
23:39He meets my eyes.
23:40I'm serious.
23:41Ask him.
23:42I don't say anything.
23:44He stands up.
23:46Looks at me.
23:48You're my sister.
23:49You're allowed to be happy.
23:51He says it the same way
23:52he said it in the car
23:53that night.
23:54Drunk and soft
23:56and guilty about
23:57something older
23:58than this conversation.
24:00This time
24:01I think I almost
24:02believe him.
24:03He's waiting outside
24:04the coffee shop.
24:05I nearly walk into him.
24:06He looks like
24:07he hasn't been sleeping.
24:09Can we talk?
24:11We go inside.
24:13I think I made a mistake
24:14with you.
24:16I think I handled it wrong
24:17and I didn't treat you
24:18the way I should have.
24:20And I want you to know
24:21I know that.
24:22Okay.
24:24That's all you're going to say?
24:25What would you like me to say?
24:27Something.
24:28You're just sitting there.
24:30I look at him.
24:32He used to be
24:33the largest thing
24:34in my world.
24:35I got my ears
24:36pierced for him.
24:37I took piano lessons.
24:38I kept flowers
24:39I didn't choose.
24:41Now I just feel
24:42the distance.
24:43I think you genuinely
24:45cared about me
24:45at some point.
24:47And when Jenna came back
24:48you realized
24:49you'd been holding
24:50something back
24:50for a long time.
24:52And I was in the way
24:53of that.
24:54You weren't in the way.
24:55Maybe not.
24:56But I was never
24:57the person you wanted most.
24:59And I spent two years
25:00trying to be enough
25:01of something else
25:02that it wouldn't matter.
25:03It mattered.
25:05He is quiet.
25:07I'm sorry.
25:09I know.
25:11Me too.
25:13We sit for a while.
25:15When I get up to leave
25:16Is it Evan?
25:17That's none of your business.
25:19He looks at the table.
25:20No.
25:22I guess it's not.
25:23I walk out
25:24into the cold
25:26and I feel lighter
25:27than I have
25:28in months.
25:29He shows up that evening
25:30like he knew.
25:33Maybe Evan told him.
25:35Maybe Marcus
25:36just has instincts
25:37about these things.
25:39Evan's coming over.
25:40I know.
25:42You don't have to leave.
25:44I really do.
25:46He doesn't move yet though.
25:49You know I've known him
25:50longer than you have.
25:51As a person.
25:53Not just family.
25:55We practice together
25:56every day.
25:58I know.
25:59He doesn't do anything
26:00halfway.
26:01And he doesn't do things
26:02he doesn't mean.
26:03He pauses.
26:06I just want you to know
26:07that I know that about him.
26:08Going in.
26:09Okay.
26:11Okay.
26:12He stands up
26:14looks at me
26:15then at the ceiling
26:16then he crosses the room
26:18and kisses the top of my head
26:20on his way out.
26:21You're my sister.
26:23You're allowed to be happy.
26:25The door closes.
26:27I sit in the quiet
26:28for a moment
26:29then I get up
26:30and unlock the door
26:31for Evan.
26:32It's a scheduling mistake.
26:34I'm waiting in the lobby
26:35of his building
26:36while he finishes
26:36something upstairs
26:37and someone at the front desk
26:39misreads the calendar
26:40and sends me up
26:41to the wrong floor
26:42and I walk into
26:43the back of a conference room
26:45and sit down
26:46before I realize
26:47what I've walked into.
26:48Evan at the head
26:49of the table.
26:50I stay very still.
26:51He is not the person
26:53who shows up
26:53at my door with food.
26:54He is someone else
26:55entirely.
26:56Controlled
26:57and sharp
26:57and completely certain
26:59of every word.
27:00The kind of certain
27:00that comes from
27:01knowing something deeply
27:02and not needing
27:03anyone else to confirm it.
27:05He turns around
27:05when the call ends
27:06and sees me
27:07and he doesn't
27:08miss a beat.
27:08Ready.
27:09We take the elevator down.
27:10I wait until
27:11the doors close.
27:13You're different in there.
27:14So are you.
27:15Outside.
27:17What do you mean?
27:18You're quieter in groups.
27:20More careful.
27:22With me you're not.
27:23I think about that
27:24for the rest of the day.
27:25He's right.
27:25I hadn't noticed.
27:27The night you went abroad
27:30what actually happened?
27:31He is quiet for a moment.
27:33Then he tells me.
27:34Not all at once.
27:35In pieces.
27:35The way he does everything.
27:36Like he's deciding
27:37how much weight
27:38each sentence can carry
27:40before he hands it over.
27:41There was a night.
27:42I was 18.
27:43Walking back from a friend's place
27:44late.
27:45Through the alley
27:45behind the parking structure.
27:47A man followed me in.
27:48I don't remember all of it.
27:49I've never remembered all of it.
27:51Just pieces that surface sometimes
27:53when I'm not expecting them.
27:54Someone came.
27:55Evan tells me the rest of it
27:57plainly.
27:57Without drama.
27:58He heard something from his car.
28:00He got out.
28:00The man ended up in the hospital.
28:02The family decided it was cleaner
28:04for me to be somewhere else
28:05for a while.
28:06You could have told me.
28:07Would it have helped?
28:09I think about 18 year old me
28:10still learning how to be in a room
28:12without checking the exits.
28:14Maybe not then.
28:15I came back
28:16and saw that you were being
28:17given flowers by someone
28:18who had never asked
28:19what you liked
28:19and I thought it was time.
28:21You've been watching out
28:22for me for a long time.
28:24Yes.
28:26Without me knowing.
28:27Yes.
28:30That's a lot.
28:31I know.
28:33Is that okay?
28:34This person who noticed
28:35a 10 year old
28:36standing at the back of a group
28:38with nowhere to go
28:39who flew back across an ocean
28:41because someone
28:42was sending me
28:43the wrong flowers.
28:45Yeah, it's okay.
28:47He doesn't tell me
28:48where we're going.
28:49We're halfway across campus
28:50before I realize
28:51we're heading toward
28:52the arts district
28:53and I only figure out
28:55the rest of it
28:55when we're standing
28:56in front of the door
28:57the artist I mentioned once
28:59three months ago
29:00in the middle of a conversation
29:02about something else entirely.
29:04I didn't even finish the sentence.
29:06I said the name
29:07and moved on.
29:09He found the exhibit.
29:11You remember that?
29:12I remember everything you say.
29:20The work is large and quiet.
29:23You look like that.
29:24Sometimes.
29:25Like you're standing
29:26at the edge of the frame.
29:28Is that a bad thing?
29:30No.
29:32It's just where you put yourself.
29:35I think about being 10 years old.
29:38About spending years
29:39perfecting the art
29:40of taking up
29:41as little space
29:42as possible.
29:43I think about the wish
29:44I wrote on a piece of paper
29:46and folded into a bottle.
29:48I hope someone sees me.
29:49I stand in the middle
29:51of that gallery
29:52and feel something
29:53I haven't felt
29:54in a long time.
29:56Not happiness exactly.
29:58Something quieter than that.
30:00The opposite
30:01of invisible.
30:02We walk back slowly
30:04even though it's cold
30:05and I keep thinking
30:07about what he said
30:08in the gallery
30:08that I stand
30:10at the edge of frames
30:11and thinking about
30:12whether that's still true.
30:14Can I ask you something?
30:17Always.
30:18Why did you come back?
30:20Really?
30:21Not the flowers
30:22not the timing.
30:23Why?
30:27I told you why.
30:29You told me the practical
30:30reason.
30:31Because I was tired
30:33of watching from a distance
30:34and because you deserve
30:35someone who knows
30:36what you like
30:36and because I already
30:38knew what you liked
30:39and I was standing
30:40on the wrong side
30:41of an ocean.
30:42The cold makes
30:43my eyes water.
30:45I tell myself
30:46that's why.
30:49You're doing it again.
30:52What?
30:53Try not to let yourself
30:55have something good.
30:57What if I'm not good
30:58at this?
31:00I've spent my whole life
31:01in the background.
31:02I don't know how
31:02to be someone's...
31:03Sophie.
31:05What?
31:06You've been my first choice
31:07since before either of us
31:08knew how to name it.
31:12Stop arguing.
31:18Spring.
31:19He shows up
31:19at my mother's house
31:20on a Saturday morning
31:21with a small shovel
31:23and a look
31:23on his face
31:24I can't read.
31:26You remember
31:26your wish jar?
31:27I don't, actually.
31:29I'd forgotten
31:30I ever made one.
31:31He starts digging
31:32in the corner
31:32of the garden
31:33near the old flower bed.
31:35Still careful
31:35with his weight
31:36on one side.
31:37The same way
31:37he's been
31:38since I found out
31:38why he really
31:39went abroad.
31:40The injury
31:41that healed wrong
31:42and never quite
31:43healed right.
31:44I'm fine.
31:46Stop looking at me
31:47like that.
31:48I'm not looking
31:49at you like anything.
31:50You're looking at me
31:51like I'm gonna fall over.
31:52That's just my face.
31:57The small yellow jar
31:59comes up
32:00out of the ground
32:00still sealed.
32:01He wipes it off
32:02with his handkerchief
32:03and hands it to me.
32:05I peel back the lid
32:06unroll the paper inside.
32:08The handwriting
32:09is a child's
32:10uneven
32:10and careful
32:11the letters
32:12leaning in different directions
32:14like they're not sure
32:15where they're supposed to go.
32:16I hope someone sees me.
32:18I stand in the spring garden
32:19with that piece of paper
32:20in my hands
32:21and I start to cry
32:22in a way I haven't
32:23in a long time.
32:25Evan makes a small
32:26alarmed sound
32:27and comes toward me.
32:28I shake my head.
32:29Let him pull me in anyway.
32:31Put my face
32:31against his chest.
32:33I'm okay.
32:34I just...
32:36I know.
32:38I've been seen
32:40this whole time
32:41and I didn't know.
32:42He holds me tighter.
32:44I know.
32:45He says again
32:45and this time
32:46it means something different.
32:47Around us
32:48the garden is coming back
32:49after a long winter.
32:51New green at the edges.
32:53The dirt smells like rain.
32:54Sophie asks
32:55when it started.
32:58Tell me.
33:00He thinks about it.
33:02Tell you what?
33:03I don't ask.
33:04I tell you.
33:05Tell me when it started.
33:07Really.
33:08The jar.
33:10What?
33:13I remember watching you write it.
33:16You had the neatest handwriting
33:17for a kid that age.
33:18I remember thinking
33:20you looked like
33:20you were trying very hard
33:22not to need anything
33:22from anyone.
33:24That's not an answer.
33:27No.
33:30I remember the others
33:31were all helping Jenna
33:32and laughing.
33:33I looked over
33:33and you were standing
33:34a few feet back.
33:36Nobody had asked.
33:37You asked?
33:38Yes.
33:40I think about that moment
33:4210 years old
33:43trying so hard
33:44not to want anything
33:45and someone looked over
33:47and saw it anyway.
33:54When did it stop being that
33:56and become this?
33:58He is quiet for a moment.
34:00I don't think there's
34:01a single moment.
34:05It was slow
34:07and then it wasn't.
34:08I wipe my face
34:10on his sleeve.
34:11He lets me.
34:12The garden is quiet
34:13around us
34:13light moving through
34:14new leaves
34:15the particular quality
34:16of spring air
34:17that feels like
34:18the first real breath
34:20after a long time
34:21underground.
34:22I think about
34:2310 year old Sophie
34:24writing out a wish
34:25in crooked letters
34:26and folding it
34:27into a bottle
34:28and burying it
34:29in the ground
34:30hoping
34:30and this man
34:31already looking.
34:33The word is small
34:35it holds everything.
34:36He presses his lips
34:37to the top of my head
34:38and we stay in the garden
34:40until the light changes.
34:47Dinner.
34:48Her mother's house.
34:49A sundae.
34:50The kind of table
34:51with too many dishes
34:52and not enough
34:53real conversation.
34:55Sophie had told her
34:56two days before
34:56in the kitchen
34:57while putting away groceries.
34:59Her mother hadn't
35:00said anything.
35:01She'd folded a dish towel
35:02and set it on the counter.
35:04Now Evan sits
35:04across from her mother
35:06and answers questions
35:07about work.
35:08His voice is the same
35:09as always.
35:10Steady.
35:10Not performing ease.
35:12Actually at ease.
35:13Sophie watches her mother
35:15watch him.
35:16Her mother is not hostile.
35:18That's the thing.
35:19She passes the rice.
35:20So how's the project going?
35:22That is okay
35:22but I don't think
35:24it has much to do with me.
35:26Sophie watches
35:27and cannot read it.
35:29Help me with something
35:30in the kitchen.
35:31After dinner
35:31her mother says
35:32to Sophie in the hallway
35:34Evan is in the living room.
35:36The door is half closed.
35:38Sophie's mother
35:39stands at the sink
35:40with her back turned.
35:41Runs the water
35:42for a moment.
35:43Turns it off.
35:44I don't dislike him.
35:46I know.
35:49He's a good person.
35:51That's clear.
35:52It's not about him.
35:53Sophie waits.
35:54He has his father's eyes.
35:56Every time I looked
35:57at him tonight
35:57I kept having to remind myself.
36:00He's not his father.
36:01I know that.
36:02I know that Sophie.
36:03He didn't choose any of it.
36:05He was 20 years old.
36:06But I spent four years
36:08watching everything come apart.
36:09I put it back together
36:11piece by piece.
36:12And I don't know
36:13how to sit across
36:13from Richard Wend's son
36:15at my table
36:15and feel nothing.
36:16Sophie says nothing.
36:19It's not fair to him.
36:20I know it's not fair.
36:24I just don't know
36:25how to love you
36:25and accept him
36:26at the same time.
36:28Not yet.
36:29I'm not asking you
36:30to choose.
36:31I'm just telling you
36:32what's true.
36:33They drive home
36:34in the dark.
36:35Evan doesn't ask.
36:36He drives.
36:36She said it's not about you.
36:38I heard.
36:43The walls in that house
36:45are thin.
36:47Yes.
36:48A long silence.
36:52She's not wrong
36:53to feel it.
36:54I know.
36:56But it's between you
36:57and me.
36:58And she's standing
36:58in the middle
36:59of something
36:59that was never
37:00yours to carry.
37:03I'll go talk to her.
37:04No.
37:05Sophie.
37:06No.
37:06She's my mother.
37:07I'll handle it.
37:08She's carrying something
37:09that belongs
37:09to my family's history.
37:11I should be the one.
37:12You showing up
37:13at her door
37:14won't undo four years.
37:15Maybe not.
37:16But I should try.
37:18Evan.
37:19I said no.
37:20He doesn't answer.
37:22That's the argument.
37:23Not loud.
37:24Not sharp.
37:25Just two people
37:26who mean different things
37:27by the same word.
37:29Handel.
37:29They say goodnight
37:30without resolving it.
37:32The next morning
37:32her phone buzzes.
37:34Her mother.
37:34A text.
37:35Short and strangely worded.
37:37He came.
37:38We talked for a while.
37:40You don't need to worry.
37:41Sophie reads it twice.
37:42She sits on the edge
37:43of her bed.
37:44Then she puts the phone
37:45face down on the mattress
37:46and stares at the wall.
37:48He went anyway.
37:49The coffee shop near campus.
37:51A Tuesday afternoon.
37:53Jenna is already there
37:54when Sophie arrives.
37:58She looks up
37:59when Sophie walks in.
38:01Thank you for coming.
38:03Sophie sits down.
38:04I wanted to apologize
38:07for how things were.
38:08The way I acted
38:09around you.
38:10Around everything.
38:12Okay?
38:17It's about Evan.
38:19I know he's not actually
38:20my uncle.
38:21I know the age gap
38:22makes it strange.
38:24But he's always been
38:25the person I called.
38:27And now I feel like
38:28I've lost him.
38:30I'm not here
38:31to cause trouble.
38:31I know what you're
38:32probably thinking.
38:32I'm not.
38:32I know.
38:34Cole coming back.
38:35I thought it would feel
38:36like something settling.
38:37It doesn't.
38:38It just feels like
38:39I've been storing things
38:40in an old box
38:41and the box is the same
38:42and the things are the same
38:43and none of it
38:44means what it used to.
38:45I think I've been doing
38:46that with Evan too.
38:47Storing things in him.
38:50I did that
38:51with someone
38:52for a long time.
38:53Jenna looks at her.
38:54Not the way she used
38:56to look at Sophie.
38:57Something less defended.
38:59Does it stop?
39:01Yes.
39:02But you have to
39:03actually put the box down.
39:04They leave
39:05when the afternoon light
39:06starts to shift.
39:08He looks at you differently
39:09than he's ever
39:11looked at anything.
39:12Sophie doesn't answer.
39:14She walks home slowly.
39:16That evening
39:17she tells Evan about it.
39:18He listens
39:19without interrupting.
39:20When she finishes
39:21he is quiet for a moment.
39:24Are you okay?
39:29Yes.
39:31Monday morning
39:32he sets the spare key
39:34on the table
39:34before he leaves.
39:36Sets it like it's nothing.
39:38For convenience?
39:39I'm fine.
39:40That look.
39:41The one that checks something
39:43against something else
39:44he already knows.
39:45Then he picks up his bag
39:46and goes.
39:47She doesn't take the key.
39:49The first week is fine.
39:51The second week
39:52she notices the things
39:53that aren't there.
39:54the particular sound
39:55of his car
39:56on the street below.
39:57The coffee that shows up
39:59before she thinks
40:00to want it.
40:01The way a room feels
40:02when someone is in it
40:03who is paying attention.
40:08I think I've gotten dependent.
40:10I don't know if that's good.
40:13You're not dependent on him.
40:15You allowed yourself
40:16to be seen
40:17and now that the mirror
40:18is gone
40:18you can't find
40:20the reference point.
40:21That's different.
40:23How is it different?
40:25One is about
40:26needing him
40:26to function.
40:28The other is just about
40:30having forgotten
40:31what you look like
40:32on your own.
40:32You haven't forgotten.
40:34You're just out of practice.
40:36He texts every day.
40:38Not much.
40:39Never a paragraph.
40:52She realizes
40:53slowly
40:54that he isn't
40:55giving her things.
40:56He's asking.
40:58Requiring her
40:59to be there.
41:00Present.
41:01In her own life.
41:02To answer it all.
41:04This is his change.
41:06Three weeks.
41:08She's at the door
41:09when he walks in.
41:12Looks at her.
41:13It doesn't say anything.
41:15She doesn't say anything.
41:17He picks up the key
41:19from where it's been
41:20sitting on the table
41:21for 21 days.
41:22This time
41:23she picks it up.
41:24It's small in her palm.
41:27Our convenience?
41:29Yes.
41:34Friday night.
41:35Marcus shows up
41:36with a bottle
41:36he's already made a dent in.
41:38He sits at Sophie's
41:39kitchen table
41:40like he owns it.
41:41I always knew
41:41he would like you.
41:43I just didn't know
41:44you would like him.
41:45Marcus?
41:46I'm serious.
41:47I always thought
41:48if anyone
41:49it would be him
41:50for you.
41:51Funny how that works.
41:52What are you not saying?
41:54He stops laughing.
41:57She waits.
41:59Three years ago
42:00someone told me
42:01to watch him
42:02around you
42:03said something
42:03wasn't right
42:04the way he looked at you.
42:05I got angry.
42:06I dismissed it.
42:08I thought I knew him.
42:09You do know him.
42:11Yeah.
42:12But after that night
42:13the alley
42:14I was the first one
42:16called first to know
42:16what happened.
42:17First to know it was Evan
42:18and I never told you.
42:20Why?
42:20You're supposed to
42:21owe anyone anything.
42:22Not ever.
42:23You're allowed to be annoying.
42:24You don't have to
42:25hold everything in.
42:26He thinks about
42:27all the ways
42:27he has been watching
42:28without letting her
42:30see him watching.
42:30Are you angry at me?
42:33I'm thinking
42:34about how long
42:35you've been carrying this.
42:36He looks up.
42:37She meets his eyes
42:38like when they were small
42:39like the car
42:40Marcus falling asleep
42:42against the window.
42:43After Marcus has gone
42:45Sophie sits at her desk.
42:47She picks up her phone
42:48put it down
42:50picks it up again.
42:51She types three words
42:53and sends them
42:54before she can think about it.
42:55She sets the phone
42:56face up on the desk.
42:58She stays at the desk
42:59for a long time.
43:00The night outside
43:01is quiet.
43:02Somewhere in it
43:03a man who drove back
43:04across an ocean
43:05is awake.
43:06Probably.
43:07The way he always
43:08seems to be awake
43:09when she reaches for him.
43:10She doesn't need
43:11to say anything else.
43:12Neither does he.
43:13One year later
43:14she's tidying the room
43:16on a Saturday.
43:17The slow kind of tidying
43:18that's really just
43:19moving through old things.
43:21And she finds it
43:22in the back of the desk drawer.
43:24Flattens it on the desk
43:25with the edge of her hand.
43:26Handwriting still leans
43:28in different directions.
43:29Letters unsure
43:30of where they belong.
43:31She finds a small frame
43:33in the closet.
43:34The kind that takes
43:35a piece of paper.
43:36She puts the wish
43:37inside it
43:37and hangs it on the wall
43:39beside her desk.
43:40Straightens it once.
43:41Steps back.
43:42They eat.
43:43They talk about
43:44something else.
43:46The window is open
43:47and the evening
43:48comes through it.
43:49That particular
43:50late spring quality
43:51of light.
43:52Low and golden.
43:54The kind that makes
43:55rooms feel like
43:55they're being kept.
43:56Later Sophie asks
43:58If you had written
43:59a wish
43:59back then
44:00what would it have been?
44:02Thinks about it.
44:04Actually thinks
44:05the way he does.
44:06Like the question
44:07deserves the real answer
44:09and not the fast one.
44:11I wanted to watch
44:12the kid who was always
44:13standing at the back
44:14become someone
44:15who stood in the middle.
44:19Sophie laughs.
44:20It surprises her
44:22the laugh
44:22full and easy.
44:24I still prefer
44:25standing to the side.
44:27I know.
44:28He looks at her.
44:30I'll stand beside you.
44:35Later still
44:36he's reading.
44:37The room is quiet
44:39in the way
44:39that means
44:40something is settled.
44:46Sophie sits at her desk.
44:47She takes a piece
44:48of paper from the drawer
44:49a clean one
44:50and picks up a pen
44:52not a wish this time.
44:53She writes one sentence.
44:55The pen moves
44:56steadily across the page.
44:58Evan looks over her shoulder.
45:00She doesn't cover the page.
45:02He reads it.
45:03Something moves
45:03across his face
45:04slow and certain
45:06the way light moves.
45:08He doesn't say anything.
45:09He doesn't need to.
45:10She keeps writing.
45:12End.